Chapter 4: Stewbear, Sarcasm, and the Shadowy Path Ahead
Deadpool, with Stewart by his side, walked down a long and dimly lit corridor. The walls were adorned with perfectly spaced pictures of Disney and Marvel properties, each frame meticulously aligned in a way that should have been pleasing to the eye. But something was off. The characters in the photos seemed… wrong. Their smiles were too wide, their eyes lacking the usual warmth. It was as if the essence of these beloved icons had been drained, leaving behind only hollow shells.
Deadpool couldn't shake the unsettling feeling that had taken root in his gut. It reminded him of those pictures in the executive room—polished on the surface, but there was something lurking beneath that perfection. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
The sound of a water cooler bubbled softly as Stewart and Deadpool walked past, the gentle gurgling the only noise in the otherwise silent hallway. The tension hung heavy in the air, thick enough to cut with one of Deadpool's katanas. Stewart, visibly uncomfortable, kept his eyes forward, trying to keep pace with the mercenary without saying a word.
But Deadpool wasn't one for silence. He thrived on chaos, banter, and the occasional awkward conversation.
"So, Stewie," Deadpool began, the smirk evident in his voice, "how's life as a side character treating you? I mean, do you ever get tired of being a glorified NPC in the big corporate machine? Or is it all just part of the gig, waiting for your chance to level up?"
Stewart blinked, clearly caught off guard by the sudden shift in conversation. He fumbled for a response, his brain scrambling to keep up with Deadpool's rapid-fire questions.
"Uh, I-I don't really think of it that way, Mr. Wilson," he replied, his voice wavering slightly. "I just try to do my job and keep things running smoothly."
Deadpool chuckled, seeing right through the young man's nervous façade.
"Come on, Stewie. Don't sell yourself short. You're more than just a background character in this weird little corporate RPG," Deadpool replied enthusiastically, his voice full of infectious energy. "You've got potential! I can see it. You're like one of those NPCs who secretly has a major role in the plot, just waiting for the right moment to shine."
Stewart tried to muster a smile, but it was clear he wasn't used to being the center of attention—especially not with someone as unpredictable as Deadpool. He shifted uncomfortably under the mercenary's gaze, his hands fumbling nervously at his sides.
"I appreciate that, Mr. Wilson—"
"Please, call me Deadpool, Wade, or you know, whatever makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside," Deadpool interrupted, waving off the formality with a dismissive flick of his wrist.
"Ok, Deadpool," Stewart continued, trying to steady his voice. "But I'm just here to help. That's all," he affirmed, his tone humble but firm.
Deadpool tilted his head, studying Stewart as if trying to solve a puzzle.
"That's where you're wrong, my young, nervous friend. The best heroes never see it coming—they're just doing their job, keeping their heads down, and then... BAM!"
Deadpool smacked his hand into his other with a loud crack, the sound echoing down the hallway like a gunshot. Stewart practically jumped out of his skin, eyes wide as he tried to regain his composure.
"Boy…" Deadpool said, shaking his head with a playful sigh, "as Donny Osmond in Mulan once sang, 'I'll make a man out of you.'"
With that, he slapped Stewart on the back, nearly sending the poor guy stumbling forward. Deadpool, of course, was already striding ahead, his focus shifting back to the mission at hand.
"The portal room is right ahead, yeah?" Deadpool asked, pointing down the corridor.
Stewart, still trying to steady himself, nodded quickly.
"Y-Yes, but please wait for me, Deadpool! There are procedures and—"
But Deadpool wasn't listening. He was already a few steps ahead, lost in one of his infamous monologues, this time directed at his unseen audience.
"You know, Stewbear here's got potential. I can see him doing something really, really awesome… or really, really evil later. Maybe he'll save the day, maybe he'll turn into the next big bad. Who knows? Either way, this is some classic foreshadowing, folks. Keep your eyes on this one."
As he approached the door to the portal room, Deadpool paused, taking in the imposing structure with a mix of curiosity and excitement. He could hear Stewart's hurried footsteps behind him, but his mind was already racing ahead to the possibilities that awaited him on the other side of that door.
"Alright, Kingdom Hearts Universe," Deadpool muttered to himself, his hand reaching for the door handle. "Let's see what kind of mess Aqua has gotten you into."
Just as he was about to push the door open, Deadpool turned to the reader, breaking the fourth wall once more.
"And no, I don't mean the kind of mess that Nomura cooks up just to test your sanity. You know, the kind that leaves you questioning every choice you've ever made in a video game—or in life. This is a whole different level of messed up, folks. We're talking 'Disney meets existential crisis' level. So buckle up cupcake, because this ride's about to get good."
With that, he gave a quick nod to his invisible audience, turned back to the door, and pushed it open with the kind of enthusiasm that only Deadpool could muster, ready to dive headfirst into whatever chaotic adventure awaited him on the other side.
"Stewart! Where is the portal I was expecting? It's just one of those dark corridors in here!" Deadpool shouted out in annoyance, his voice echoing off the bare walls of the empty, dingy room.
On the other side of the door, there was nothing more than a black, inky, and pulsing portal that seemed to suck the light out of the space around it.
"Talk about anti-climactic. I was expecting something with a little more pizzazz, maybe some sparkles or a whoosh sound. This? This is just... meh."
Stewart, who had finally caught up with Deadpool, was trying his best to maintain a professional demeanor, though the situation clearly had him rattled. He glanced nervously at the dark corridor and then back at Deadpool, trying to come up with an explanation that wouldn't further irritate the mercenary.
"This is indeed a Dark Corridor," Stewart affirmed, trying to keep his voice steady. "It might not be what you'd call 'cool', or make a funny sound, but it's... efficient travel."
"Efficient, yes... for bad guys," Deadpool shot back, waving a dismissive hand at the ominous portal. "I wanted to arrive like Kingdom Hearts Jesus, you know? Maybe with a choir or at least a sparkly light show. But instead, I guess I'll be making my grand entrance like every big bad in the games. Or like Ansem the Wise—seriously, the dude was originally voiced by Christopher Lee, a legend. But do I get a deep, booming voice and a kickass theme? Nooo, I get this moody emo portal instead."
"Y-yes. But, uh, it's the fastest way to get where you need to go. No Gummi Ships or Gliders required. You'll be right there in the Kingdom Hearts Universe, ready to, um, do whatever it is you do best," Stewart remarked, trying to keep his composure despite the surreal situation.
Deadpool sighed dramatically, throwing his hands up in mock resignation.
"Fine, fine. I'll take the creepy villain expressway. But let's be clear—if I end up lost in some weird darkness or have to fight a bunch of Ansem lookalikes, I'm coming back and going full Karen on your somewhat pleasant and charming... demeanor."
Stewart blinked, momentarily thrown off by the sudden shift in Deadpool's tone.
"Uh, r-right. I'll, um, make sure everything's ready for your return," he replied, taken back by Deadpool's comment.
Deadpool nodded, placing a hand on Stewart's shoulder with a dramatic flair.
"As a wise animated meerkat, warthog and lion once said, 'Hakuna Matata, kiddo.'"
The merc gave Stewart a reassuring pat, the kind that was somewhere between comforting and slightly condescending.
"Now, don't worry your pretty little head off. I'll be back before you can say 'Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo'!"
Stewart, still processing the sudden Disney quote, managed a hesitant smile.
"Uh, thanks, Mr. Wils- I mean Deadpool. Good luck out there."
Deadpool gave him a thumbs-up, then turned to face the ominous Dark Corridor.
"Alright, time to save my 13th beloved gaming franchise from being destroyed. With a little elbow grease, a lot of sarcasm, and maybe a few well-timed slashes from Bea and Arthur, this should be a walk in the park."
"Wait, was that a Golden Girls reference?" Stewart asked, slightly baffled by the comment.
"Oh yes, child," Deadpool replied with a dramatic flourish, turning back to Stewart with a hand over his heart. "My love for Bea Arthur and Golden Girls runs as deep as the Realm of Darkness itself. Those ladies were the original squad goals, and Bea Arthur? She's the OG queen. So if you think I'm facing down a heartless-infested universe without channeling a little Dorothy Zbornak, you've got another thing coming, mister!"
Stewart blinked, even more confused but somehow reassured by Deadpool's sincerity.
"I, uh, didn't realize you were such a fan," Stewart remarked, still trying to wrap his head around the mercenary's unexpected enthusiasm.
Deadpool leaned in, as if sharing a sacred truth.
"Oh, Stewie, there's a lot you don't know about me. Bea Arthur was a legend, a beacon of wit and wisdom. She could cut you down with a single line and then make you love her for it. That's the kind of energy I'm bringing into this mission."
Stewart nodded slowly, not entirely sure how to respond but feeling oddly comforted by Deadpool's resolve.
"Well, in that case, I'm sure you'll be just fine. Good luck out there, Sir."
Deadpool gave a mock salute, a grin spreading beneath his mask.
"Thanks, Stewbear. And remember, if things get dicey, just ask yourself—what would Dorothy do?"
With that, Deadpool spun on his heel and strode confidently into the Dark Corridor, his mind filled with thoughts of snarky one-liners and Golden Girls reruns.
"TTFN, Ta Ta For Now" Deadpool remarked, giving Stewart a wave goodbye.
As the inky darkness swallowed him whole, Stewart let out a breath, finally starting to relax. But just as he began to turn away, thinking the mercenary was gone, Deadpool's upper body suddenly popped back out of the corridor, startling Stewart so badly that he jumped nearly a foot in the air.
"AHH!" Stewart screamed, his heart leaping into his throat as he staggered back, wide-eyed with shock.
Deadpool, grinning like a mischievous kid who just pulled off the perfect prank, leaned casually out of the dark, swirling portal.
"Whoa there, Stewbear! Didn't mean to scare you out of your sensible shoes," he teased playfully. "I just forgot to ask—where the heck does this spooky corridor actually take me? I'm all for surprises, but I'd rather not end up in some villain's lair without a map and a witty comeback ready."
Stewart, trying to steady his rapidly beating heart, took a few deep breaths.
"D-Deadpool, you nearly gave me a heart attack! I thought you were gone!"
"Relax, my jittery friend," Deadpool said, waving a dismissive hand. "Heart attacks aren't in the script—at least not this early. Now, spill the beans. Where's this shadowy hallway of doom dropping me off?"
Stewart, still catching his breath, managed to respond.
"It… it will take you to Twilight Town, Mr. Wilson. I believe it's one of the safer locations in the Kingdom Hearts universe. You should be alright there… I think."
"Twilight Town, huh?" Deadpool mused, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Sounds like a nice place for a brooding protagonist to grab a sea-salt ice cream, talk about friendship, and mull over someone's tragic backstory. Perfect place for me to start." He paused in deep thought for a moment, but then added, "And hey, maybe I'll get to drop some heart-to-heart wisdom on a group of emotionally conflicted teens. Always wanted to try my hand at that."
Stewart managed a nervous chuckle, slightly more at ease now.
"I'm sure you'll fit right in."
"Oh, you bet I will. Who knows? I might even teach those kids a thing or two about sarcasm and how to properly break the fourth wall," Deadpool remarked with a playful grin that was obvious even beneath his mask.
"Just remember the mission," Stewart replied with a hint of urgency, trying to keep things on track. "The future of the Kingdom Hearts universe depends on it. You're our only hope."
Deadpool tilted his head slightly, as if considering the weight of Stewart's words.
"I won't let you down, Princess Leia," he said sincerely, the reference adding just the right amount of gravitas—and a touch of his signature humor—to the moment.
With a dramatic flourish, Deadpool blew Stewart a kiss goodbye, the gesture exaggerated yet oddly sincere.
"May the force be with you, Stewbear," he added with a wink that, though unseen, was definitely felt. "And maybe, just maybe, keep a latte warm for me on triumphant return."
He gave a final wave, slowly retreating back into the swirling darkness of the portal. As the shadows enveloped him, Deadpool couldn't resist one last quip.
"Remember, if I don't make it back, tell the writers they owe me royalties for this epic crossover!"
And with that, he was gone, the inky darkness of the corridor closing around him, leaving Stewart alone in the now-quiet room. Underneath his mask, Deadpool's usual grin remained, a blend of excitement and determination fueling him as he prepared to dive headfirst into the chaos that awaited him in Twilight Town.