DISCLAIMER FROM 2024

At the encouragement of my readers, some of whom have followed me for twenty years, I have decided to reupload my old fanfiction stories. I do this with some reservations. I wanted to revise them before posting them again, but the sheer amount of words involved means that that would take me years to accomplish, and it would be better for me to focus on writing new stories instead. Maybe someday I'll go back and make the edits, but for now, I'm reposting everything, warts and all. So expect characters to be out of character, expect nonsensical sections, and expect there to be many grammar, punctuation, and spelling mistakes.

In addition, please understand that the story you have in front of you was written by a very different person. I was a teenager who was raised on 90's media, who lived in an abusive household and in a white conservative town. I was steeped in problematic beliefs and had an equally troubling sense of humor. Anything I wrote before 2010 will reflect that.

However, my understanding of the world has grown since then. I'm an adult now, out of the closet and firmly politically left. I'm also much better at my craft these days. It makes me cringe to think about how my earlier writing must have hurt some of my readers.

That being said, these stories were also ones that people loved and missed. If they can still make someone's day brighter, that's worth something. Maybe they can even inspire others by showing them how much someone's writing can grow with time and practice. Plus, my younger self worked hard on these. Even the darkest ones comforted her during a difficult time in her life. So maybe I owe her something better than burying her words.

So, without further ado, welcome to my old fanfics! You're in for a messy and melodramatic experience. As always, I hope you enjoy the read.

BITTERSWEET

In the wide, main room of the Cerulean City Gym, a girl with flaming red hair sat beside the dark liquid of the large pool. The room was silent; and not the sounds of the city outside or of her sisters fast asleep, penetrated the room. Only the occasional splash of water, caused by the marine pokémon that lived there, made a sound. The only light came from the moon and stars, of the cloudless night outside, through the windows. The pool glittered of their brilliance. But the girl was oblivious to it entirely. The place should have been calming, but for her it wasn't soothing. After all that had happened to her, that fact was not surprising.

It had only been a few weeks ago that she had come back from her brief trip to Hoenn. She had once again gotten to share an adventure with her dear friends. Brock, Max and May (she had never met them before, yet they were…pleasant people), and... Ash. Of course, Pikachu had been there. He'd seemed as energetic as always! It had been a happy finding.

However, during that escapade, she had lost one of the few things that she loved...her Togepi, her baby. Now a Togetic. Now the protector of the Togepi Paradise, and of the baby pokémon that resided there. She had had the young one for such a long time, only to have to say good-bye to it. It was not fair, in her opinion, but she had let it go. Yet if you truly loved something, you should let it go, right? That's what she told herself each time she found herself missing her little spike-ball pokémon.

But that wasn't the only thing she had lost though. Yet again, she had chosen to leave her companions. Last time, she hadn't had any real choice, but this time, with her sisters back from their world tour, she could have stayed…. She could have rejoined the group. The youngest Cerulean Sister could have told Ash the truth...

Misty should have, and she knew it. She should have told Ash then and there her feelings. Why did she have to be such a coward? Wasn't love supposed to make you stronger? Why was it so hard then to tell him those three little words?

Those questions bombarded her, repeatedly. In the night she stewed what she should have said, what she should have done, without end. Sleep would not come to her anymore. Each day she looked more and more like a zombie. The teenager barely ate, finding herself lacking any appetite. Her work was one of the few things that kept her going presently. The secret she held within was truly eating her from the inside out.

Only this morning her sisters had asked her if she was okay. It seemed as though they'd only just noticed she wasn't acting normally. When she hadn't answered, they had dragged her off to a doctor, who reported that she was slipping into depression. Over the entire day, her sisters had tried to cheer her up, with no avail. Finally, she had told her sisters to leave her alone, that there was nothing wrong with her, that the doctor was mistaken. They had left her be after that, but she knew they didn't believe her. Tomorrow, she knew, they would do the same thing. Until they were satisfied that she was her old self again, they wouldn't stop.

Misty understood what she had to do. She would act the part of the happy trainer, the formidable Gym Leader, as she had done for so long now. What choice did she have? She would have to pretend to be strong, and conceal the cowardice she'd developed. Before she had met Ash Ketchum, she had been truly driven, determined…but she was quite different now.

Ash...she could almost hate him. He had done this to her. He had flipped her world upside-down. Him! And yet, she knew, as tough as she was, he would also be the one to break her. She knew if she told him, he would only shatter her heart, just as she feared. When had he ever shone any feelings for her that went above common friendship?

The day she had left... No! She couldn't think like that! It just wasn't possible. In his eyes, they would only be friends. That all she was in his eyes...a traveling companion. And now, not even that. It would never change. She would keep this secret to herself for all her life; there would be no outcome except heartbreak otherwise. This she knew...for Ash could never honestly comprehend the emotions she held….

In front of her, her Gyarados' head rose from the rippling water, slowly. Had it somehow sensed its trainer's upset feelings? Misty reached out and petted the great creature, who growled a soft sound of pleasure. She weakly smiled.

The youngest Waterflower could easily remember when she got this pokémon. Trained it, fed it, cared for it. With some amusement, she reminisced at her sisters shrieking like banshees at the sight of it, when they had first gotten back home. The girl had laughed then. But now, no laughter escaped her. For she could also recall Ash's reaction to Gyarados. Awe, amazement...

She felt her throat tighten painfully. Her eyes began to fill up with the tears that she had so long held back. Then, she found she could no longer resist crying. Crystal droplets cascaded down her face, dropping with a soft 'pings' into the pool. She saw, with blurred vision, the rest of the gym's aqua pokémon come up and look at her, making sounds of soft comfort. But still, no sound escaped her. She wrapped her arms around Gyarados, and for once, the pokémon was anything but temperamental. It wanted to give solace to its trainer. Little did it know that by just being there, by them all being there, they were doing just that.

Barely to be heard, Misty spoke..."Love is bittersweet."