DISCLAIMER FROM 2024

At the encouragement of my readers, some of whom have followed me for twenty years, I have decided to reupload my old fanfiction stories. I do this with some reservations. I wanted to revise them before posting them again, but the sheer amount of words involved means that that would take me years to accomplish, and it would be better for me to focus on writing new stories instead. Maybe someday I'll go back and make the edits, but for now, I'm reposting everything, warts and all. So expect characters to be out of character, expect nonsensical sections, and expect there to be many grammar, punctuation, and spelling mistakes.

In addition, please understand that the story you have in front of you was written by a very different person. I was a teenager who was raised on 90's media, who lived in an abusive household and in a white conservative town. I was steeped in problematic beliefs and had an equally troubling sense of humor. Anything I wrote before 2010 will reflect that.

However, my understanding of the world has grown since then. I'm an adult now, out of the closet and firmly politically left. I'm also much better at my craft these days. It makes me cringe to think about how my earlier writing must have hurt some of my readers.

That being said, these stories were also ones that people loved and missed. If they can still make someone's day brighter, that's worth something. Maybe they can even inspire others by showing them how much someone's writing can grow with time and practice. Plus, my younger self worked hard on these. Even the darkest ones comforted her during a difficult time in her life. So maybe I owe her something better than burying her words.

So, without further ado, welcome to my old fanfics! You're in for a messy and melodramatic experience. As always, I hope you enjoy the read.

MY LAST BREATH

Hold on to me love...

"Watch out!" screamed Ash before the impact.

It was too late to stop the car on the icy road. Too late for the two of them to get out of the way. Both Misty and himself were partly to blame, for riding their bikes at the time. For who rode bikes in the middle of winter? But still, as the car came screeching around the corner, Ash had only just managed to shout before the two of them were hit. He felt a horrible pain in his side and found himself being thrown from his bike. Then...he blacked out...

You know I can't stay long...

When he came to, he could hear the sirens of an ambulance coming towards them, the flashing red lights flickering in the distance. Raising his head, he groaned and saw that the car had run into a fire hydrant, and saw the two crumpled remains of the bikes. He became aware of the immense aching pain that was engulfing him, but forced himself to get up. He was alive... But...where was Misty! What had happened to her? His eyes grew wide as he scrambled around, looking for his friend. Oh god where was she? He stood up shakily, running around the car.

All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid...

There she was.

Misty, the redhead he had grown to love. No one had ever been more there for him, no one understood him like she did. She had been his coach, his best friend. Every day in Hoenn he had missed her, even though he tried not to show it. The only time the agony of how much he missed her subsided, was when he talked to her on the phone, or read the letters that they sent back and forth. Even battling could not compare to the joy he felt at those times...

It horrified him to no end to see Misty like this. Her usually tied up hair her lay around her head, some of the orange strands sliced away. Her body was sprawled at a most unnatural angle, one of her ribcages seemingly crushed. Perhaps most sickening of all was the pool of blood forming around her. Ash felt queasy simply looking at her. He ran over quickly, trying to figure out if she was even alive. She had to be! She was too strong to die...

"Misty? Oh god Misty wake up! Wake up!" he cried, his voice full of panic.

Can you hear me?

"Ash...?"

Misty turned her head minutely to him, her aquamarine colored gaze looking at him in sadness, wearily. The pool of red liquid around her continued to grow slowly, his blue jeans becoming almost violet with it. He sat down quickly beside her, not caring that he would be wet and cold, and cradled her torso in his arms, her head resting on his chest. She smiled slightly at him, her warm blood beginning to soak his black shirt.

Can you feel me in your arms?

"Thank god... Don't worry Mist; the ambulance will be here soon. You'll be just fine!" Ash told quickly, holding her close to him.

"I...feel so cold..." Misty whispered shivering.

"Where are you hurt Mist? Tell me!" the black-haired boy exclaimed. He might be able to help if he knew!

"I don't know...the pain's gone now..." she responded, gazing up at him breathing shallowly.

Holding my last breath...

Her stare, he noticed then, began to glaze over. Deep down he knew what that meant, he had seen it too many times to not know! Her breathing was becoming more and more ragged with each passing second. She curled up closer to him, closing her eyes slowly. Oh god no... He couldn't lose her now! No, no, no! She'd be fine. The ambulance would come and take them to the hospital. She'd be okay! He realized as he shifted his position to hold her better, how much blood she was loosing.

He pleaded to her frantically, "Just hold on okay Misty? Please!"

"I don't think I can..." she murmured softly.

"Please!" Ash nearly screamed.

"...I'm not afraid to die Ash...you shouldn't be afraid for me..." she told tiredly.

"Don't talk like that! You'll be just fine!"

"...I love you...you know that right?" she asked, her eyes glittering with tears.

Safe inside myself...

He began to cry fully now, the tears streaming down his face. Each hit Misty's face, but she didn't mind, not even when some entered her mouth. She took a deep breath, holding it. She knew if she let go, her breathing wouldn't resume... But deep down she knew it was too late for her. Ash felt Misty's body begin to go rigid in his arms and cried out in horror.

Are all my thoughts of you...

"Misty!"

"Out of the way!" ordered a man in a medical uniform, pushing the trainer away as gently as he could.

The ambulance had finally arrived. Ash, his face quite tear streaked, handed Misty over to the ones who were trained to help people like her, the nearly dead. Misty suddenly gave a ragged gasp, and he watched as her body slumped. Oh no...oh god no! She didn't just die, she didn't! As they started doing CRP, and then loading the defibrillator, Ash felt himself go numb with despair. As ten minutes passed, the doctors tried over and over again to get her heart to start up, but with no avail.

With hope fading fast, Ash screamed, "No...NO! MISTY!"

Sweet raptured light...

It ends here tonight...

Four weeks later...

Ash Ketchum walked in the woods nearby Cerulean City, his head bowed. As his feet crunched through the shimmering snow, he heard only the silence of the fragile forest around him. In his hands he carried a bouquet of pale pink roses... He lifted his head, gazing up at the barren forest, the snow glittering brightly, a smooth frosting on the ground and trees.

I'll miss the winter...

Suddenly he spied a flash of red darting through the trees, and charged insanely towards it. Ash knew it was crazy, but he couldn't help but hope it was her. His Misty... He looked in the hollow tree that he remembered, but found no one. A small cooing sound came from above him and he looked up to see a cardinal. He sighed sadly, feeling his stomach turn in his gloominess. That was it...the red... He remembered vaguely, how Misty had loved the winter...

A world of fragile things...

"Winter's my favorite season you know!" Misty told, throwing her hands up in the air.

"But I thought you liked the summer!" Ash said confused.

Misty explained quickly, "Summer's okay but the winter's so beautiful... And there's no bugs to bother me! Plus there's Christmas!"

Ash raised an eyebrow, "I just never thought you to be a winter person."

Ash trailed behind Misty, plowing through the newly fallen snow. Bundled up in the big poofy cotton coats that Ash's mom had insisted them on wearing, they stuffed their freezing hands in their pockets. As they came to a frozen lake, its surface reflecting their images like glass, Misty laughed and jumped onto the ice, landing with perfect balance. Ash on the other hand, ended up falling flat on his butt. He looked up at Misty in wonder, not understanding how she could possibly land like that. It was so slippery! As she began to skate with a type of flowing grace, he could only stare with his mouth gaping.

"Where'd you learn that!" he shouted in amazement.

"Another reason I like winter: ice skating is about the only thing besides pokémon battling that I can whoop my sister's butts at! Before my parents died, my mom taught me. While my dad trained water pokémon, she liked the ice type. Around Christmas, she would freeze the gym pool so all of us could skate. I got really good at it..." she answered quietly, a small smile lighting her face as she remembered.

Ash couldn't help but frown. He'd never real heard much about her parents, and asked, "How'd they die?"

Misty gazed at him sadly, getting a far away look in her eyes, "A car accident..." she responded.

Ash saw her reaction and immediately regretted his decision in asking, and stammered quickly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay. Those were good times..." she replied, sitting down beside him.

He then threw an arm around her shoulders, "Well you've got me!"

She rested her head on his shoulder, "Yep..."

They watched the snow flurries as the wind picked up, skating well into the afternoon. Ash was truly glad he had decided to visit Cerulean City on his way home from the Hoenn League. Who knows, maybe Misty would join him on his next quest! May and Max had decided to stay on the island continent after he'd finished the League, and Brock was currently back in the Kanto water pokémon gym, flirting with one of Misty's older sisters. He wasn't sure which it was, Daisy, Lily, or Violet? Oh well. Brock would never learn...

"Hey Ash, I bet you can't find me!" Misty shouted from somewhere ahead of him as they walked back to the trail.

"Wanna bet?" he cried, running towards the sound.

Look for me in the white forest...

She was right. Despite how much he tried, he couldn't find her. With his pokémon back at the Pokémon Center, he couldn't get them to help. Finally, he decided to give up. Pokémon battling was one thing, but this was a whole other challenge. There was no shame in giving up now...

"Alright Misty you win! Where are you!" he shouted, cupping his hands to his mouth.

"Right here." replied a voice behind him.

Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)...

He turned around to find Misty sitting in a hollowed out tree, grinning widely. If only he'd turned around! His chocolate brown eyes shown with laughter as Misty struggled to get out of the tree. He grabbed her hands, and with one final tug, pulled her out of her hiding place. They fell back into the snow, laughing like maniacs.

"I love you Misty." he blurted out, unable to stop himself. As soon as he did he wanted to kick himself. Why now of all times-?

Misty looked at him in surprise and joy, telling quietly, "...I love you too Ash."

His eyes widened with surprise, looking upon her. Her smile was genuine, her eyes sparkling happily. Ash hugged her close, enjoying the now lightly falling snow with her. Their perfect day was now complete. Finally, they'd confessed after all the years of keeping their feelings silent. Ash felt her kiss him on the cheek and held her closer, and they stood up and began back to the gym...

Yeah, after that they'd become boyfriend and girlfriend. They had never tried anything...adult...but an occasion a peck on the cheek was always welcome. They were still children after all... Sometimes they fought, but it was usually about the same things as when they'd been only friends. Pokémon, the location of something, which movies were better, ect. In Brock's own words, they were the "perfect couple". Neither of them totally agreed with this, but they had been happy.

A few days after that Misty had forced him awake early, telling him they were going bike riding. How he wished she would have thought of something else. Maybe then things wouldn't have turned out like they did...

"You must be kidding!" he shouted, nearly waking up the other occupants of the gym.

"Shhhh...quiet down! No, I'm not! I've already rented a bike for you!" Misty hissed at him, ripping his blankets from him and revealing his white pajamas.

Ash looked at her in shock, "Misty you're crazy! It's the middle of winter!"

"So? I need to get Christmas gifts! Be my boyfriend and come with me!" she whined.

Ash sighed and then laughed, "That's low... If I get hurt I expect you to pay the hospital expenses!"

"Since when have you had a vocabulary past a fourth grader's?" she asked curiously.

"Reading your letters helped!" he told, grinning.

"How sweet. Now get dressed! I'll get the bikes." she exclaimed hurriedly.

He threw on his regular clothes on quickly, catching the gym leader just before she got outside. She handed him a bike nearly identical to her own yellow one, and they started off carefully. A recent ice storm had made some of the roads and sidewalks slick with ice, so they had to be. Fortunately, most of it had been melted by a heat front, an Indian summer, yesterday. Still, they needed to be cautious.

Not that Misty took that in mind. Her usual carefree self made that impossible. Usually, it was Ash who was the reckless one, but today she was having too much fun. Besides, she had done this before!

"Ash, I'll race you!" she called over her shoulder.

"But Mist-" Ash started, not liking the idea, before Misty interrupted him.

"Come on!" she shouted, riding ahead of him.

Ash sped forward quickly to catch up, pulling up to her in the middle of a road. Vaguely they heard a harsh screeching sound as a speeding car tried to stop on the ice, but with no luck. The two teenagers' faces contorted in horror at the car heading straight towards them. They couldn't get out of the way in time!

"Watch out!" screamed Ash before the impact.

I know you hear me...

That was the day she...died. They been reckless, having fun. Really, it was their fault, but the driver didn't help by speeding. He might have been able to stop in time if he hadn't. He had been fined heavily for the accident, and was truly sorry Ash knew. The boy then remembered the funeral vividly. Hundreds of people from the leagues that Ash and Misty had traveled in had come, the tears they wept enough to fill a small sea. In front of them all was Ash and his friends, his family.

"I'm so, so sorry... You guys just pulled out of nowhere!" the man balled, trying to explain.

"Just leave me alone." Ash had said coldly, sadly, his right arm in a sling. He hadn't even noticed it had been fractured at the accident...

He would later apologize for his actions, making amends with the man. But it hadn't been then. He had hated everything, everyone that day, even Misty. Especially Misty... It was what love made him feel for her, because she had left...because she had died. He didn't understand how that could happen to his headstrong, stubborn girl. She had seemed too strong, too young for that...too alive...but she was gone...

I can taste it in your tears!

He hadn't cried at the funeral. He had felt too numb, to empty for it... So many others had tried to help, tried to comfort him, but it was no use. It never would be. Misty, his Misty, was dead...and nothing could change that.

As he came to the graveyard at the edge of the woods, he stared at an almost newly dug grave. The gray-blue tombstone, engraved with a mermaid-angle, looked back at him with empty eyes. In large, perfect print it read.

Misty A. Waterflower

1991-2005

Beloved Sister and Friend

He set the flowers in front of it slowly, his eyes beginning to fill with tears. He uncovered the top of it with his hand, getting all the snow off. Her tombstone should never be hidden...the whole world should be able to see that a magnificent person had been lost. His legs suddenly gave way underneath him and he placed his head in his hands, despair and sadness filling the void within him. Then, slowly, he began to cry, one tear at a time. Alone...he could cry for her...

"Misty...I miss you...so much!" he sobbed, leaning over the grave marker.

Unnoticed by him, a small bluish pokémon squirmed out of the prickly, snow-covered bushes. It looked at the boy with concern and sadness, mewing softly, padding towards him on its small, turquoise paws. It gazed up at him with unnatural green-blue eyes, touching his left arm gently.

"Vaporeon?" it asked gently, wondering if he was all right.

Ash turned to it slowly, picking it up in his arms. He quickly determined that it was female; the lack of a collar meaning that she was ultimately a stray. Her soft, blue fur and mermaid tail reminded him of the water Misty had so loved, the spinal ridge like a tiny sea wave. The fish-like ears, and the head and neck frills, were as smooth as warm ice. The eyes though...usually black, were aquamarine in color...like Misty's had been.

"Hi..." he murmured, and hugged the little Vaporeon to him.

On snowy nights, he'd lay awake remembering her. He continuously went over their many fights, how they used to laugh and talk, remembering the sound of her voice as she encouraged him on the sidelines of his pokémon battles. He felt so alone without her...and the will he had once had to go on living, had evaporated. Even with Pikachu and his other pokémon, and his friends and mother, he still felt so very cold...like a winter that wouldn't thaw... He closed his eyes, wishing more than ever that she was still there...and the sleep he had long since been neglecting took him...

Closing your eyes to disappear...

She was there, Misty. Playing in the snow, without a care in the world. She smiled as Ash walked towards her, equally happy to see him as he was her. He'd missed her...he'd missed her... Running over seemed like the sensible thing to do, but he seemed oddly stuck in place, unable to move. Misty neared him slowly, petting Pikachu who perched on his shoulder. The little electric mouse pokémon squeaked happily... Ash smiled and held her hand...

You pray your dreams will leave you here...

"Hey Ash?" Misty whispered.

"Yeah?" he smiled.

"Let go." she ordered softly.

He realized that he was holding her wrist, not her hand, rather tightly. A look of pain fleeted across her pale, beautiful face. He didn't want to...but he wasn't helping her by harming her. He let go reluctantly, and felt Misty's soft lips touch his cheek-

"Pika!" Pikachu chirped, awakening his trainer.

But still you wake and know the truth...

No one's there!

Ash groaned, shifting his position so he sat up in bed. He looked around...and saw no Misty. He moaned a miserable cry, burying his head in his arms, which rested against his knees. It wasn't fair! Why couldn't it have been him? Why did she have to die? She had been so good, so caring... It didn't make any sense! Why did she have to die!

"Let go." Misty had said.

He remembered the dream in its bright, Christmassy brilliance. Misty making snow angels, dancing on puddles of ice, her laughter ringing in his ears. Was that what Misty had wanted? For him to let go of her? To...to get on with his life? Or was he merely going mad?

Say goodnight...

Don't be afraid...

Calling me, calling me, as you fade to black...

As the little Vaporeon that he had found jumped up onto his bed, he scratched her behind the ears gently. .Pikachu gave an annoyed "pika!" and Ash attended to his other favorite pokémon too. The Vaporeon, which he had decided to call "Mist", was in a way, someone who reminded him of his old friend. She too hated bugs, loved the water, and had a fiery temper, not to mention her unusually colored eyes! Some people thought him crazy when he started calling the water pokémon that, but he couldn't help it. He had lost the one he loved...and by having a little piece of Misty in this Vaporeon, he found comfort.

"Misty...Misty... Is that what you want? Cause...if it is...then I guess...this is goodbye..." he began to whisper slowly, tears filling his eyes.

Holding my last breath...

Safe inside myself...

Are all my thoughts of you...

Sweet raptured light...

It ends here tonight...

"Goodbye Misty..."

The End