A/N: Hi everyone! I know it's been almost a month. sorry! but I am not giving up. Especially since the good part is starting!
As a quick aside, some people rightfully pointed out last chapter that I used nephew for Dudley when he's a cousin. My non-nativeness was shining through because in my native language the word for a child of your sister or one of your aunt is the same word. I always assumed that cousin and niece/nephew were synonyms but I was so wrong. Live and learn!

Raise up thy thoughts above the sky

Chapter 22

The next couple of weeks kind of flew by with nothing of significance happening. Harry was still practicing his Animagus transformation in class but not really reaching new heights just yet. Hermione seemed to be doing better, Harry thought, but he couldn't help but wonder sometimes if she was just pretending for his sake. Over the years, She had sometimes exhibited a habit of hiding herself from the rest of the world. Harry hadn't told Ron about his situation yet but it somehow felt harder to do so than with his bushy-haired friend. He had known that he could count on Hermione to show compassion and respect for what he had gone through. But Ron? Well, he might just go to Surrey himself and attack the Dursleys with his bare fists coupled with magic. Heck, he would likely tell his brothers and parents who would join him in an angry cyclone of revenge. Not that that wouldn't be satisfying or anything but it would definitely work against Harry. Especially if he did end up having to go back there.

As for the Slytherins? They mostly left him alone. The Greengrass girls had become close friends and it was quite nice to see that Astoria in particular was not your typical Slytherin. Instead, she still showed a child-like wonder that Harry felt he had never been allowed to experience. And it was wonderful to now undergo that through her. And Daphne was a joy to be with for a whole different reason that Harry still preferred to keep private. Though the glances he sometimes got implied that he wasn't subtle at all. One could almost say that Harry's school life was finally settling down into a calm and peaceful one. Until the Christmas holidays were finally there to rip it all away from him again.

Harry watched with mixed feelings as Ron dragged his overpacked bag behind him.

"I wish the tower had been fixed," his best friend said. "That way we could all have spent Christmas together like the previous years but I honestly don't want to spend the holidays with the Hufflepuffs. I don't know them all that well, except for Neville, I guess. And honestly, I don't much care for most of them either."

Harry sighed. He supposed it wasn't fair of him to expect Ron to stay behind for him when he hadn't even told him about his upcoming predicament.

"Ron, I wish you would reconsider," Hermione said. Her eyes darted between her two friends and Harry could just sense that she was silently begging him to come clean just to get the redhead to stay. "I mean, sure, you'll have to spend the evening and early morning in the common room but there's no reason that we can't find each other afterwards. We can have Christmas dinner together."

"But we could also do all of that at the burrow," Ron said. "I still don't understand why you won't come celebrate Christmas with me. I promise that mum doesn't mind. She's always happy for the opportunity to cook for more people."

Harry and Hermione shared a meaningful glance.

Ron frowned. "What's going on?"

Harry sighed again. "I can't tell you right now," he admitted. "But there's a good reason why I have to stay here."

"Don't tell me," Ron said darkly. "It's another one of Snape's asinine rules, isn't it? Or what, were you punished for some reason? Because I'm pretty sure that Snape can't actually forbid you to leave Hogwarts during the holidays."

"It's just not safe, Ron," Hermione jumped in. "Or have you completely forgotten about Sirius Black? They still didn't catch him and chances are that he's the one that burned the tower down."

"Says who?" Ron asked.

"Says me," Hermione countered quickly. "I'm not saying I have any proof or anything but don't you think it would be a very big coincidence for two of the most unlikely events to have happened in years to happen simultaneously? Honestly, the man was a Gryffindor so he probably knew a thing or two about our common room to begin with. He probably used some sort of Gryffindor secrets or something."

Harry didn't know if Hermione was just making this up as she went or if she had actually thought of the possibility before but he was grateful that she jumped in for him.

"Either way," Hermione continued. "Professor Dumbledore thinks he would be a lot safer here. And I'm inclined to agree."

Ron shrugged. "Fine," he said. "I guess I understand. Your babbling does make a bit of sense, I suppose." He then looked Harry over with a great deal of scrutiny. "As long as that's the real reason. You're not hiding anything from me are you, Harry?"

Harry almost spilled the beans right then and there when Malfoy quickly walked past them, bumping Ron's bag with his own in the process. While he didn't look apologetic in the slightest, he also didn't seem smug. Instead, he kept up a swift pace, his expression concerned and his colour even paler than Harry was used to.

"What's his problem?" Ron mumbled.

Harry shrugged. "I don't know," he replied. "He's been quiet for a while now. But shouldn't you get going too? You'll miss the train."

"You're right," Ron said. "I'll see you two around." The three of them hugged each other tightly before Ron grabbed hold of his bag again, smirking at his two friends. "Don't open your presents before Christmas, you hear?"

"We won't," Hermione assured him. "Try not to burden your mum too much, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Ron said. "I'll see you in two weeks. "Bye guys."

"Bye."

Hermione and Harry watched as Ron turned a corner and disappeared from view.

"You could've told him," Hermione said softly. "I'm sure that he would've stayed."

"You're right," Harry said. "He would have. But I… I couldn't. Especially not when he was already about to leave. This is not something you just spring on people."

"No," Hermione agreed. "But you could have told him before."

"It doesn't matter now," Harry said curtly. "What's done is done. Right now, I have to prepare for what's to come."

Hermione nodded. "I suppose you're right," she agreed. "When are you supposed to er… get started?"

"Tonight," Harry said. "I didn't want the other students to realise that I was still here only to then disappear to the hospital wing for the entirety of the holidays. So I might as well go in now."

Hermione looked sad. "I understand why they want to do it over the holidays but… do you really have to miss Christmas over this?"

Harry shrugged. "They don't want it to affect my schooling, I guess."

"Sure," Hermione agreed. "But I don't see why they can't just wait for the summer holidays. Especially since you're supposed to be staying at Hogwarts then anyways."

"It's because they can't be sure that I don't have to go back to the Dursleys," Harry told her. "Things just aren't that easy."

"Harry, we've talked about this," Hermione said. "There's no way they're letting you go back there."

"And I told you that they might not have a choice," Harry replied. "You can believe what you want but I'd appreciate it if you would stop trying to give me hope. It only makes things worse in the end."

"I understand," Hermione said. "Come on, let's go pack your bag."

"What, you're coming with me?" Harry asked, slightly befuddled.

"Why not?" Hermione asked. "Didn't you say that all of the Slytherins went home over the holidays?"

"Most of them, yeah," Harry said. "Their families all insist on them being home."

"The holidays are probably a big show to them all," Hermione said. "And none of the former Gryffindors would choose the Slytherin dorms over their own home, right?"

Harry didn't answer her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Harry," Hermione said. "I didn't mean… I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Harry said. "Fine, you can come. Snape might even be happy that I'm not roaming the halls by myself. Even if I do it with the company of a Ravenclaw."

Hermione chuckled. "I hope he won't be too upset at me walking into the common room."

"Knowing what he's about to do to me, I doubt it," Harry said, smiling wryly. "I might as well milk this for all it's worth."

"Charming notion, Mr Potter," a deep dark voice suddenly said from behind him. Harry turned around to see Snape staring down at him. His expression was blank except for one quirked eyebrow.

Harry knew better than to try and salvage the situation and kept his mouth shut.

"He was just joking, professor," Hermione said. "I suppose he's just nervous."

"That's understandable," Snape replied, not showing even a hint of anger. "As for your presence in my common room, I will allow it. But only for the duration of the Christmas holidays. As it stands, they are even emptier than usual so you will not be disturbing any of my Slytherins."

"Thank you, sir," Hermione gasped.

"Yeah, thanks," Harry also chimed on.

Snape inclined his head and spun on his heel. "I will be expecting you in an hour," he said before walking off with his characteristically hasty steps.

Hermione stared after him with a puzzled expression. "He really has changed, hasn't he?" she asked.

"Maybe a little," Harry said. "But I'm sure it won't last. People don't tend to change."

"Well, maybe he was always kind of like this," Hermione shrugged. "It could be that the demeanour we know was a mask."

Harry frowned. "That doesn't seem likely," he said. "Why would he bother with that? Just admit it. You want us to like all of the teachers because in your mind, there can't be a bad one."

Hermione lightly bumped Harry into he shoulder. "That's not entirely true," she said. "There was Lockheart."

"There was," Harry agreed. "But you certainly were swooning all over him even when it was already clear how incompetent he was."

Hermione swatted at him but Harry ducked with a chuckle. "You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?" she asked.

Harry laughed. "Never."

When they arrived in the Slytherin common room, Hermione looked around in awe. Harry was reminded of the debacle they had last year with the Polyjuice Potion. Unfortunately for Hermione, she hadn't been able to get into the dungeons with her feline appearance so this was her first time seeing these rooms.

"A bit dark," she commented. "But the window into the lake is a nice touch. Can you sometimes see things swimming past?"

"Sometimes," Harry said. He looked around as well. As expected, no one else was in here. The twins had also gone back home. They had extended their own invitation to Harry but simply shrugged it off when Harry had declined. 'Suit yourself,' they had told him before they started packing prank after prank they had bought in Hogsmeade.

And indeed, most Slytherins had left as well. There were maybe one or two that chose to stay here but they were nowhere in sight.

"My bag's in my dorm room," Harry said.

"Well, obviously," Hermione said and followed him up the stairs. The dorm room was empty as well. Only Harry's belongings were kind of haphazardly thrown across his bed and desk space. Not because of the Slytherins. He just wasn't very organised.

"I see some things never change," Hermione quipped and moved to pick up one of Harry's shirts from the floor. "Oh Harry, this shirt is too nice for you to throw it on the floor like that. Can't you at least try to be more organised?"

"It's fine," Harry said. "These clothes all have some kind of anti-wrinkle charm on them. It doesn't matter what I do, they always look pristine."

Hermione crinkled her nose. "That's really no excuse to – shouldn't you pack some underwear as well? Honestly, boys."

Harry smiled at her. "Thanks," he said. "But I know what you're doing. You don't need to try and distract me."

Hermione blushed and looked away. "And here I though you didn't understand subtle." She mumbled.

Harry shrugged. "You weren't subtle."

Hermione sighed. "I just wish there was something I could do."

"You're here," Harry said. "That's enough for me. Now, could you get my toothbrush? It's in the bathroom."

It didn't take an hour to get Harry packed. Hermione insisted that Harry take a few books with him to work on his homework while Harry insisted that he wouldn't be in the mood for such things but in the end, Hermione won, making his backpack just slightly heavier.

"Ready?" Hermione asked unnecessarily.

"Ready," Harry replied.

The walk towards the hospital wing was a comfortably quiet one. Hermione had taken her bookbag with her which Harry assumed was to do homework while she sat with him. He couldn't help but really appreciate her. And before long, they entered the hospital wing.

"Mr Potter," greeted the voice of Ms Pomfrey. "Right on schedule, dear. Oh, and Ms Granger?"

"She's here for Mr Potter," drawled Snape from behind one of the closed curtains. Harry could see his dark outline moving as he laid out a couple of indiscernible things.

Pomfrey frowned. "Are you sure about this?" she asked Hermione. "It's kind of you to want to be here for your friend but it's not going to be easy to look at."

Hermione paled a bit but kept her expression stern. "All the more reason for me to stay," she said. "Harry needs someone here to support him."

"Hmm, I don't know…" Pomfrey said, her expression conflicted.

Snape opened the curtain with a sharp swish. "Poppy," he drawled. "Let her stay. Things will be difficult enough as it is. Ms Granger might be able to help keep Mr Potter… composed."

Pomfrey frowned. "True as that might be, I must also consider Ms Granger's mental health here. We can't be certain of the things we'll unearth. Even adults might have trouble digesting everything in this process."

Snape seemed to think that over for a moment and Harry felt his heart sink into his chest. He really, really wanted Hermione there for him. But he didn't want her to suffer for it. Especially with her recent issues.

"I could provide her with a mind-strengthening potion," Snape said thoughtfully. "And if that proves not to be enough, we can still ask her to leave the room. Does that sound amenable to you, Ms Granger?"

Hermione nodded eagerly. "Yes, please," she said. "I need to stay here no matter what."

"No," Snape said. "If we deem the situation too much for you, we will ask you to leave the room and you will agree to do so without question."

"It's for the best, dear," Pomfrey added. She didn't seem eager to allow Hermione to stay at all but Harry was happy that she deferred to Snape in this.

"Alright," Hermione agreed. "I will do as you say, Professor."

Snape nodded. "Very well. Now, Mr Potter, please get changed into a hospital gown and lie down in that bed." Snape pointed at the bed he had been working at. It seemed to be wider than the usual beds in the hospital wing. Several tables were placed on either side of the bed and filled with potions, bandages, and even some random potion ingredients such as a bezoar. There was no blanket present at the moment but when Harry approached the bed he could sense a warming charm welcoming him into its embrace. He gently closed the drapes and got changed into the hospital gown that lay neatly folded on top of the waiting bed. It was a far cry from the elegant wardrobe Malfoy had presented him with but it too bore a warming charm though it did nothing to expel the tightening feeling of Harry's heart.

It was finally happening. This thing for which Snape had explained the concept of equivalent exchange. The healing of his injuries which would likely be painful and – listening to what they had been telling Hermione – possibly gruesome as well. He was getting more and more nervous and sat down on the bed, placing his arms sideways on his belly as if to protect himself for what was to come.

How could the last weeks have been so nice only for him to be thrown back into this kind of situation? Harry shuddered. It was only now that he realised that he really wasn't looking forward to this. What did a couple of aches every now and then matter, really? Was curing them worth whatever hell he was about to be thrown into? Harry ran a shaky hand through his hair. He supposed that Snape had explained that it was only going to get worse and likely harder to deal with the longer they waited. But a small part of him still wished that Snape had never found out to begin with. If he hadn't, Harry would be on the train right now, fooling around with Ron and Hermione and eagerly looking forward to Christmas with the Weasleys.

"Are you ready, Mr Potter?" asked Snape.

"Y-Yes," Harry stammered. Not really but he wouldn't get any more ready than he already was.

"Don't worry, dear," Madame Pomfrey told him as she gently opened the curtains. "We will start small to give you an idea of what it's like."

Harry nodded. Starting small. That sounded good.

"Do not be alarmed," Snape told him. "I am going to slightly levitate the bed to grant Madame Pomfrey and I some easier access. Ms Granger, you may take a seat in that chair." He pointed at a chair that was placed conveniently close to Harry's right hand. As Harry's matrass rose up as promised, Hermione went to stand beside him. She smiled at him and took his hand.

"It's okay, Harry," she said. "I'm not going anywhere. Go ahead and lie down."

Harry felt a bit silly lying down in his hospital gown with three people standing beside him but he did as requested. He supposed that Hermione wouldn't be able to see him very clearly if she took the offered seat so she just stood there, clasping his hand tightly.

Snape nodded and grabbed two potions. He handed one to Hermione and one to Harry. "Take these," he said. "They're a mind strengthening potion and a calming draught for Mr Potter. Unfortunately, I am not able to give you a pain reliever as it would have an adverse effect on the spell. We cannot locate and fix the problem areas in question without an indication of where they are." Snape sighed. "As it stands, pain is too useful to eliminate."

Harry smiled wryly. "It just sounds like you're trying to justify yourself."

Snape stared at him and Harry could have sworn that he could see a hint of sorrow in those deep, dark eyes. "It's okay, Professor," he added.

Snape chuckled darkly. "I must be losing my touch," he said. "There is absolutely no need for you to comfort me, Mr Potter," he said. "Ms Granger, I ask that you keep your attention on Mr Potter's face. Do try not to look at what we're doing. In fact –" he swished his wand and an additional small curtain hovered over the middle of Harry's torso. "It's best to simply avoid temptation altogether."

Snape raised his wand. "Let us begin." Ms Pomfrey raised her own wand and flicked it once to summon the long piece of parchment that had been created during Harry's examination. He blushed just thinking about all the information that list contained. Once again, he really hoped that Dumbledore was not a fly Animagus, sitting on the wall to watch the spectacle.

"Do you remember this one, Mr Potter?" Pomfrey asked and Harry could feel her hand brush against his ankle. "It would appear that you twisted this ankle when you were about six years old."

Harry nodded. "I remember," he said. He remembered most of the injuries he got at the hands of his relatives. Even the minor ones.

"Try to remain calm," Snape said. "This will hurt." He weaved his wand in an elliptical shape when Harry suddenly yelped. His foot had moved of its own accord and a short, sharp pain made it feel as if it had twisted all over again. At the same time, an unwanted memory invaded Harry's mind in a way he had never experienced before. This was not just him vaguely remembering his past – no – this was as if he was watching the scene in question develop right in front of him.

Harry was running through the house, away from Dudley. While the larger boy could not really keep up with Harry, they were contained to the interior of the house as Harry was punished and not allowed to go out. "Come back," Dudley huffed. "I want to play with you."

But Harry remembered what 'playing' meant. Dudley was as vicious as his father, even at this young age. So he kept running.

"No running in the house!" Petunia screeched at Harry as he flew by. "You'll break something!" Harry stopped but Dudley didn't and when he caught up he jumped and landed at a wrong angle against Harry's ankle. Harry had fallen and cried about it but Petunia had said that that was what he got for running from her precious Duddykins when all he wanted to do was play with him. When that wasn't enough to stop Harry's crying, she just locked him in his cupboard until he would stop being – in her words - so dramatic.

Harry frowned when the memory stopped and he looked at Hermione who looked at him with a slightly worried expression. "Are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Harry replied. "I just… remembered something, that's all."

He noticed that the pain in his ankle was gone by now and saw Snape nod at Pomfrey.

"The first injury has been taken care of," Snape said gruffly. "Are you alright?"

"That wasn't so bad," Harry said, slightly surprised. Sure, he could've done without the impromptu memory but the pain was very minor. And since he had lived through it before, he could definitely do it again. "But will that memory thing happen every time?"

Snape frowned. "What do you mean by 'memory thing'?"

"Er.." Harry stammered, suddenly feeling as if he had done something wrong. "As soon as you did that spell on my ankle, I was sort of er… drawn into a memory of how it happened in the first place. It was strange. As if I was there or something."

Snape glanced at Pomfrey in such a way that it deeply alarmed Harry. "Was that not supposed to happen?"

"You did nothing wrong, Mr Potter," Pomfrey said kindly, correctly interpreting Harry's expression. "You must understand that this is not a process that is often done and every case is different."

"There have been some reports of patients experiencing memories as if viewing them from a pensieve," Snape added. Harry didn't know what a pensieve was but didn't ask questions. "I knew that this was possible but I rather hoped that it wouldn't happen."

"Yeah," Harry sighed, "I wish it didn't either. But you're saying that it won't happen every time, right?"

"It might not," Snape said slowly as if he was tasting his words. "But I cannot promise you that with any certainty."

"Severus," Pomfrey said. "What should we do? This is most unfortunate."

Snape absentmindedly stroked his chin as he scrutinised Harry for a good long while. "I agree that this situation is not the most advantageous," he said. "But it doesn't appear to pose too much of an imposition on Mr Potter. While unpleasant, it might be the best for us to mainly keep an eye on this development. Especially since we agree that it will likely not happen every time."

"But Professor," Hermione interrupted before Harry could say anything. "That's not fair to Harry. He's already lived through these things once. He shouldn't have to again."

Snape sighed. "I understand what you're saying, Ms Granger," he said. "It is most unfair and I too wish that this wasn't how things turned out but -"

Snape stopped midphrase as he seemingly thought of something, staring into Harry's worried eyes before making up his mind.

"Mr Potter," he said. "I know that these memories are most unwelcome for you and from experience I can say with certainty that they'll likely bother you more than the injuries in question. Trauma - as you have experienced - doesn't solely remain dormant in physicality. It likely also manifested mentally. That's why the trauma is far harder to heal than these remaining injuries of yours."

Harry nodded, not knowing what to say. He simply hoped that this didn't mean Snape thought he was a nutcase.

"If you wish to be free of the trauma as a whole, and not just your pains and aches, this unlucky development might turn out to be a lucky one indeed. For I have a way to share this burden with you," Snape said. "If you'll allow me, I might even be able to take on this burden entirely for myself but that will mean that I will see the memory in question in as much detail as you have just experienced."

"Severus," Pomfrey said. "You're not saying –"

"I am, Poppy," Snape told her sharply. "Mr Potter, if you can trust me with this, I can shield and mend your mind with Legilimency and Occlumency."

"What about equivalent exchange?" Harry stammered, desperately trying to process what Snape said.

Snape kept his expression neutral. "That is for me to worry about. What do you say?"

A/N: Thanks for reading! As an aside, sometimes people deem the chapter somewhat short. Please know that I'm always aiming for 4000 words per chapter so each one should be the same length. (Though every now and then I'll throw a longer one in when I'm especially inspired.)

Please don't forget to review!