Naomi

Hershel Rhee was born about a week after we saw them all at our place. Right at the end of November, as all the leaves were turning to mush underfoot, there was new life in the middle of bare trees. Maggie was recovering well. It was the good news we all needed as we barreled into Winter. That kid had no way of knowing how loved he was already, how he had a whole team of Aunties and Uncles across four communities ready to fight and die for him.

The first frosts came in December, freezing the ground solid. We'd done a decent job of patching up all of the shot-out windows in Sanctuary, but at night, we could still see our breath forming in front of us. It was Perla and Lucas's turn to visit us. I kept thinking that we would have to cancel it and that the weather would be too bad for them to get to us by the time our usual visitation weekend rolled around. We'd had the first few sprinklings of snow but not storms yet. They were later than usual and felt overdue. Every time I tried to tactically float the idea that maybe we'd have to cancel, Mia reminded us that it was her birthday soon and, actually, it would be really nice if she could see her friend.

It was as if Mia had kept the storms away by sheer force of will, and now Lucas and Perla were here, right on schedule. Their car pulled up in front of Sanctuary's gates.

"What's Aaron doing here?" Daryl asked as a third person emerged from the car. He'd even brought Gracie, suggesting he planned to stay longer than dropping off Lucas and Perla.

I shot a look at Bryce, who'd gone a deep shade of red, "What is Aaron doing with them?"

Bryce did a lousy job of pretending not to hear us.

"You know…" Mia started. From her tone, it was obvious that she was fishing for something. Daryl and I exchanged a look and braced ourselves. "...if you wanted another bridesmaid, Perla could -"

I sighed loud enough to cut her off. "For the last time, it ain't gonna be like that."

"But it would be fun!" Mia protested.

"Well, if you ever decide to get married, you can have as many damn bridesmaids as you want."

Mia rolled her eyes, but thankfully, Perla's arrival distracted her from the mission she'd been on for the past few weeks to force Daryl and me down the aisle in the most extravagant way imaginable. She bounded down the steps to see her. Bryce, still not looking at either of us, moved to help Aaron get Gracie out of the car.

"She takes this wedding stuff seriously, huh?" Daryl let out a slightly nervous laugh.

"Don't worry," I shook my head. Mia's unbeatable enthusiasm was as annoying as it was adorable. "She's still thinking of weddings like how they used to be. Specifically, she's thinking about Bryce's wedding, the only one she's ever been to, and had even more than the usual… hoopla."

"Hoopla?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Y'know," I said. "The speeches and the vows, the fancy clothes and dancing in front of everyone you know… which… doesn't really sound like us, does it?"

I had a sudden vision of Daryl in a tux, as handsome as he was uncomfortable, climbing out of a window to avoid Mia forcing us into a first dance. I almost laughed.

"No," he agreed, but then he dropped his gaze and looked at his toes. "I'd do it, though. If it's what you wanted."

God, he's the best.

"I know you would," I said quietly, touching his cheek and gently nudging him to look at me. "But it's not what I want."

Daryl was visibly relieved. I couldn't imagine him standing up before everyone we knew and bearing his soul. He'd only just got comfortable saying shit to me in private. "What if it had been before… y'know, if the world hadn't ended. Would you have wanted something more… Not that I could ever have afforded to-"

"No." I cut across him, immediately shutting down that weird place in his head that he went to sometimes. One that told him he wasn't good enough unless he could give me every fancy thing he could think of. It was sweet, but it was dumb. He'd always given me everything I needed, even when we'd had nothing. Now, he gave me safety, warmth, and a love I never thought I'd have. "I never, ever, thought I'd get married, but -."

"Why?"

"I never wanted it with anyone." I shrugged. "So, I didn't see the point in signing my life away to someone in front of everyone I know and then having a big party to disguise the fact that we'd just tricked them into watching us do relationship admin."

"Oh," he looked a little crestfallen. "Should I not have -"

"But with you, " I said quickly. "It's different. Even though there ain't even anyone to issue a marriage license anymore, it means way more to me than I ever thought it could. I really want you to be my husband."

When the words left my mouth, I felt my heart do a sickening little flip. The smile spread across Daryl's face made it worth it, but it was all a little too vulnerable for both of us. We had to look away from each other to hide the big, dopey smiles plastered over our faces. I'd never known how embarrassing being in love was. Truthfully, I was ready to start calling him my husband right there and then, but I didn't say that because that felt like an insane thing to say to someone who'd only proposed a month ago. I didn't want to scare him off and make him change his mind.

Aaron and Gracie reaching us at the top of the steps stopped the conversation from getting to genuinely sickening levels of lovey-dovey. Something about being newly engaged had turned us both into absolute dopes. If Aaron thought he was going to get away without us commenting on this unannounced arrival, he was damn wrong, "Did expect to see you today!"

"Gracie was missing Auntie Naomi and Uncle Daryl," Aaron said, avoiding my gaze.

"Hmm," I said, reaching to take her from him. "Her Uncle Bryce, too, I bet."

I watched them both turn red and say nothing. Gracie wriggled in my arms. She was extremely grumpy but still such a little cutie.

Would one kid be so bad…?

Even when they're being a pain in the ass, they're so damn precious.

"She's a little fussy," Aaron said, with that worried-dad frown he had a lot. "I thought she'd sleep in the car, but she didn't."

"You wanna put her down for a nap?" I asked. We had a crib set up from when he'd been here for Daryl's surprise-turned-almost-murder party.

"That would be great," he said, with such a huge amount of relief that it was clear she'd been fussy for most of the car journey. I turned back to the building to lead them all inside. Daryl's gaze flickered from me to Gracie and back again. I didn't miss the look in his eyes, and it almost made me blurt out something I shouldn't.

Maybe one kid would be... good, actually.

"I'm, uh, gonna head out for a bit," Daryl said. My heart sank. "Thought I saw some deer tracks earlier. If I can find 'em, there's space in one of the freezers."

What could I do? There were too many other people around for me to bring up something so private. "Okay, but don't -"

"- go into Negan territory," he said, with a slight shake of his head. "Yeah, I know."

I knew he was sick of hearing it. I was sick of saying it, but it was a reflex now. Especially now that some of our numbers were missing, I couldn't help the twist of worry every time someone left. How had I gone from fighting so hard to escape Sanctuary's walls to feeling like the only safe place was within them?

As Daryl ducked out, I carried Gracie up the stairs toward the room they'd had a month ago. We passed Donna on the way, her face lighting up as she saw the baby. It was the first time I'd seen her smile since her daughter went missing. She dashed off, and by the time I'd handed Gracie back to Aaron so he could lay her down for a nap, she was back in the room with us. Her arms were full of something knitted.

"Oh, look at her!" Donna said, leaning over the crib to smile at Gracie, who'd become more interested in her toes than falling asleep. Donna turned to Aaron and held out the bundle of soft, knitted items. "Here. Take these for your little one."

Aaron hesitated and reached for them - a blanket, a little hat, a pair of tiny booties.

"Are you sure?" Aaron asked, touched beyond words that a basic stranger was offering him so much. It was sweet until the realization of why she had all of this to spare hit me.

She knitted them for Amber's baby.

Her grandchild.

"Yes, yes," Donna nodded, her eyes a little bright. "She should be warm."

"Thank you." Aaron laid the blanket across Gracie, who was still refusing to sleep despite clearly needing to.

I turned away from them. It felt like the final acknowledgment that Amber and Mark weren't coming back. Guilt gnawed at me. If I'd taken the first disappearances more seriously, could I have stopped whatever had happened to them? There was no police force to conduct organized searches and process forensics, no milk cartons to put their faces on, and no international news outlets to report on it. Nowadays, when you go missing, you either turn up a few days later or you are assumed dead.

Leaving Aaron to put his daughter down for a nap, I tried to distract myself by rejoining Mia and Perla. The presence of another adult might stop Lucas from getting a headache from their usual giggling and squealing. Before I could get there, I passed Bryce, who was sitting in the office. He looked as tense as I felt. I stuck my head around the door, "You alright?"

"Yeah," he said, but I was pretty sure it was a lie. He took a good look at me, "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, just tired."

Bryce narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing me, but didn't push it. He knew me well enough to know when stress was getting to me. And, man, was it getting to me. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt this run-down. I was so tired that I half expected to wake up with the flu or a head cold every morning.

I changed the subject with all the tact and grace of a steamroller, "So, Aaron's here."

"Yeah," Bryce said. That tell-tale redness was back in his cheeks, but his eyes had no excitement. He was tense. "We kissed."

My jaw dropped. "When?"

"The night we surprised Daryl," he said. "I blame that god-awful drink you were passing around."

"Yeah, that would do it," I said, a twinge of guilt in my gut. The lowered inhibitions from drinking Merle's hooch were a feature of his recipe, not a bug. Merle had probably worked extra hard to get that in. Not that I'd planned for this to happen, but it was good to know I probably hadn't been the only one waking up the morning after that party with a patchy memory and a headache like my skull was cracking. Bryce sighed and ran both hands through his hair. I knew him well enough to know when the stress was getting to him.

"I take it," I said slowly, unsure how to navigate this, "I take it you're not… happy about it?"

"Well," he sighed. "I don't know, it's so… I haven't… done anything with anyone since Andrew."

I put an arm around him. He leaned his head on my shoulder. It felt a bit like when we'd huddle in my dorm room after a party, and he'd be sad about some guy who didn't like him back, but this was so much worse. More grown-up in the worst ways.

"I know he's gone," he said, his voice cracking. "But it still felt like a betrayal. We were married for six years. I thought that was it, you know? He was my person."

"I know," I hugged Bryce closer to me.

"And Eric was… less than a year ago, so Aaron was also feeling…" Bryce shook his head.

"Oh, God," I said, my heart heavy for both of them.

"I think we both cried."

"I ain't gonna pretend I can imagine what it's like. I said more to stop myself from trying than anything else. I found myself absentmindedly running my thumb along my engagement band, twisting it around my ring finger. I wished Daryl would come back. "But Aaron's a good man."

"I know."

"And so are you," I said. "Both of you. Two of my absolute favorite people, and you deserve to be happy."

"Thank you," Bryce said miserably. "But -"

"I know," I said quickly. "I know that ain't that simple, but I just needed you to hear that before I say what I'm about to."

"Okay."

"What you've both been through, what you've both lost, is more than anyone should have to in their lifetime," I said. "To lose the person you thought you'd grow old with when you're still so young would already be a lot to handle, but the way you both lost them… so sudden, so… brutal. It ain't fair. It just ain't."

Bryce nodded, and I saw him swallow a lump in his throat. "I just feel so… torn. Aaron's great, but… I don't want to push him into something he's not ready for. Especially because every time I think about it, I get hit with this huge guilt. And don't try to tell me Andy would've been okay with me moving on. "

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it," I said. "Andy would have said he'd have expected you in full Victorian mourning attire for fifty years at least: veil and all. Although, for what it's worth, I doubt he'd have meant it. He'd want you to be happy… eventually."

I knew that was true because as much as the thought of Daryl being with anyone else made me want to pluck out my eyeballs so I never had to see it, the idea of him being alone again was worse.

"Maybe. Eventually," Bryce said. He sighed again. "But, maybe I'm also overthinking this. Maybe Aaron wants to forget the whole thing. Or maybe he's mad at me, and he wants to yell at me for it?"

"I don't think he'd have dragged himself and his infant daughter all the way here if that was the case," I said. "That's a lot of effort to yell at someone."

"Yeah, you're right," Bryce relaxed a little. He even managed a small smile. We were both chronic overthinkers; weirdly, it was part of what had bonded us so well in college. We rarely overthink the same scenario, so we knew how to talk each other down.

"It's okay if you don't know what you want. It's okay if you need more time to work out what you want or if you both want different things right now," I said. "There's no roadmap for dealing with something like this, no right or wrong way to do it. Whatever he's come here to say doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing kinda conversation."

"I guess," Bryce said, but he sounded less sure now. I got it. Open-endedness was an overthinker's worst nightmare.

"Daryl and I had our fair share of baggage before anything romantic happened between us. We managed to accumulate even more when we were apart, too," I said. "But, I think we needed that time on our own to become who we are. To be… ready to accept what we have now. Without Daryl meeting Rick's group and learning that people other than me can love him, I don't know if he'd ever fully accepted that I do."

"What did you need?"

"I needed time away from my Momma to come to terms with… everything she did to me," I said. "Bringing up Mia, seeing how small and innocent she was, made me rethink everything I had to deal with at that age. Daryl knew what my Momma was like, of course, the same way I knew about his Daddy, but I don't think I could've opened up to him back then like I can now. I hadn't processed it. I wasn't ready. Neither was he."

"I'm glad you can talk about it," he said. "That's a big step for you."

"I know Daryl still struggles with stuff, we both do," I said. "But we're at a point where we've healed enough that we can help each other through it, and a lot of that is because we really, deeply, understand what the other's been through. In a way I wish we didn't. I wish he'd grown up with folks who knew how to love him right, but… it helps that our struggles are… similar."

"Yeah, I'll bet," Bryce said. "And, if you don't mind me saying, it's been nice to see you let yourself be happy for once."

I looked over at him, "What do you mean?"

"I never thought I'd live to see the day you were engaged, " he almost laughed in disbelief. "I mean… every time we talked about it, you came up with a thousand reasons you didn't want the whole marriage and family thing, a million different ways that it was a bad idea. Some of them made total sense… I know the whole concept of 'family' is difficult for you, and for good reason, but… sometimes it felt like you were finding reasons to talk yourself out of wanting it because deep down you felt like you didn't deserve it."

I was winded by it, all of my breath was knocked right out of me as I stared at him for a moment.

Is that what I do?

How much it hurt suggested it was true. "Well… Shit, Bryce."

"God. Sorry, I didn't mean to…" he looked mortified. "I just… you deserve to be happy, too, and I'm really happy you're letting yourself find it."

"Thanks," I wiped my eyes. Every beat of my heart ached just a little bit. I tried to shift the subject back to Bryce to stop myself from dissolving into a fountain of tears. "I didn't mean to make this about me and Daryl. I brought it up because what I meant to say is that Aaron will understand. No matter what he wants to say or how you end up feeling about it, you're both good men who care about each other. No matter how… messy things might feel, you'll both navigate it with the same kindness and compassion you give to everyone. Maybe even more so because you both know all of the hard shit the other is feeling. Even if you're at different stages of it and, sometimes, taking things slow is a good way to build something strong, whether that ends up being with Aaron or someone else. Or even if that's nobody at all. That's okay, too. You've always got a family with me and Mia."

"Thanks, Naomi," he said quietly.

"And Daryl's called you a good guy multiple times, which is honestly a knighthood in anyone else's book," I said. I felt him laugh a little at that and squeezed him tighter to my side. "Love you, Bry-Bry."

"Love you too, Nomes."

I pulled a face. "Stop it."

"Oh, by the way, I feel like I should warn you that Mia's been hounding me to help her throw some kind of bachelorette party," he said.

"Oh God, " I said.

Bryce laughed again. "I knew you'd hate it. I'll try and talk some sense into her."

"God bless you," I said, shaking my head. "I'm gonna go find her. You wanna come, or you wanna find Aaron?"

"I'll come with you," he said. "I should give Aaron some time to put Gracie to bed before I have a breakdown on him."

I gave his shoulder another squeeze. "It'll all be alright."

"I sure hope so," he sighed, but he looked more relaxed than he had when I'd walked in here. We stood up and followed the sound of laughter to where Perla and Mia huddled over some game.

Daryl didn't return in time to join us for dinner. I tried not to let my worry over it show. I didn't want to freak Mia out, but I picked around my food, too queasy to finish much. I excused myself and called the radio I hoped he'd taken with him. Thankfully, he answered almost immediately, apologized for losing track of time, and said he'd head back soon.

Night fell fast at this time of year. Daryl still wasn't back by the time we sent Mia and Perla to Mia's room. Not that they were likely to get a lot of sleep. I could still hear them whispering and giggling as I walked the corridor to our room.

I sat up in bed, trying to read but mostly just spinning over the same things in my mind over and over again. When I finally heard Daryl's boots in the hall, relief flooded me. The door swung open.

"Thank God, " I said, although I'd planned to play it cool. Daryl smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, angel," he slipped off his jacket and vest. "Saw some deer tracks but couldn't get near the damn deer. Lost a lot of time out there, felt like I was gettin' close."

I nodded. I'd seen how he could get so caught up in hunting that he lost hours of the day without realizing how much time had passed. But I couldn't handle it these days. I needed to know he was safe. I needed him with me. All of that felt too needy to say, so instead, I asked, "Cold out?"

"Freezing," he said with a shiver. "Ain't that much better inside, either."

"Well, the bed's nice and warm for ya," I patted the space beside me. His side of the bed. I'd never had a side of the bed before. The mattress dipped as Daryl sat down to take his boots off. His gloves looked a little worn, so I made a mental note to patch them up.

"I think we should get Bryce a dog."

Daryl stopped in the middle of unlacing his boots and looked up at me. Sighed. "You think we should get Bryce a dog ?"

"Yes," I said. "He and Andrew used to have dogs and I think maybe it would help him, y'know... grieve."

And distract him from the guilt of making out with Aaron.

I didn't add that part. I trusted Daryl with my life, but it was Bryce's secret to tell, not mine. Daryl was giving me this real soft look I couldn't understand, so I kept going. "There are probably a lot of pets out there that were abandoned when this all happened, or their owners died, or-"

"Woah, woah, woah," Daryl said, slightly alarmed. "We ain't got the space for this to be a damn animal Sanctuary too, alright?"

"It's one dog."

"It'll start with one dog," he said. "Next thing you know, you've got two of your own, Mia's asking for a horse, and Eugene's got a damn parrot who talks as much crap as he does."

"Fine," I sighed. "Maybe I can knit him something."

"You can knit?"

"No, but I could learn!" I said. "I saw Donna today, and she'd knitted something, so maybe she could teach me."

"You saw Donna?"

"Yeah," I said. "Something about havin' little Gracie here brought her out of her shell again. She ain't been the same since Amber…"

I trailed off. I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence. If I didn't, it was easier to think they were still out there somewhere safe.

"We did what we could," Daryl said. "If something happened to them out there, it ain't on you, baby."

"Yeah, I know," I said, but I still felt sick. That was nothing new. I felt sick almost all the time. The swirling anxiety of waiting for Winter to hit had plagued me for weeks. Adding worry over the people missing from Sanctuary didn't help. I couldn't get Amber out of my head. She'd been so happy the last time I'd seen her, full of this incredible hope for the future. It felt brutally unfair that she was just… gone.

"And Bryce's grief ain't on you, either," Daryl said.

"I know. But I hate that I can't fix this for him."

"'Course you do," he said quietly, reaching across to cup my face in one of his hands. His fingers were so cold against my cheek, but the warmth in his eyes more than made up for it. "It's enough that you're there for him. You ain't gotta have the solution to it."

"I guess," I said, although it didn't make me feel much better. I knew I was looking for a shortcut to something Bryce had to work through mostly by himself.

"Plus, a dog ain't gonna make him forget he lost a husband," Daryl said. I tried not to get distracted by him slipping out of his pants.

"True. If you were…," I couldn't bring myself to say dead without feeling like I was about to hurl. "...gone, and someone gave me a dog to distract me; I'd probably be a little annoyed that they'd thought that would work."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'd keep the dog, though."

"Would you name it after me?"

"Can't call a dog 'dumbass', that's animal cruelty."

Daryl rolled his eyes and finally slipped into bed beside me. He pulled the covers right up to his chin.

"God, you are cold," I said. I was still sitting up, but I could feel it radiating off him, his cold body right where my thighs met the comforter.

"Sorry."

"Nah, c'mere," I said, scooting closer to him. Daryl hesitated, and then put his head in my lap. Warmth flooded through me. I loved seeing this side of him when he let himself do something so… soft. He'd get this nervous look on his face right before, like he was trying to talk himself out of it, or he was sure I would pull away. Make fun of him. Push him off.

It made my heart swell. I let him settle for a moment, waited until his body relaxed and whatever voice in his head he'd had to fight against had finally shut up. Then I moved my hands, slowly so I didn't spook him, and started gently running my fingers through his hair. Even his hair was cold, and a little damp. He closed his eyes. Smiled. I smiled, too.

"You know," I said after letting him relax a little. "You'd warm up faster if we were both naked."

Daryl's eyes opened at that. He smirked. "Bull."

"No, it's true," I said. "It's easier to share body heat if you don't have clothes on."

"You're so full of shit," he said, but he was grinning ear to ear now.

"I ain't. I read it in a book."

I didn't mention that the book was Twilight: Eclip se because I knew that would mean an absolute zero chance of him taking it seriously.

"Oh, you did, did ya?" he said, eyebrows raising slightly. He lifted his head from my lap and brought that smile close enough to kiss me.

"Mmm-hmm," I nodded. "It's science."

"Science, huh?" Daryl kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer. His hands moved down my body and slipped under my (technically his) shirt. Fingers so cold against my skin that I jumped at the sudden contact, and he pulled them away, "Shit, sorry."

"No. It's okay," I said, taking hold of his wrists and pulling them back to where they had been. "Warm 'em on me."

Daryl hesitated but kept his freezing-cold hands pressed against my stomach. "You sure?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "I've warmed my feet on you enough times."

"True," he said, his smile matching mine. "Coldest feet in the goddamn universe."

Not when it comes to us, though.

I'd run from any chance of a real relationship before Daryl. But I was so sure about him, so ready for us to live the rest of our lives together. I ran my hand through his hair, stopping at the back of his neck. "I love you."

The intensity of it made him frown a little. I kissed him deeply before he could read too much into it.

"God, you are warm," he murmured, his slowly warming hands running gently across my waist.

"Mmmph," I mumbled against his lips as he kissed me. "Well. You're hot."

"Corny-ass little minx." I could feel his smile, his lips curving as they met mine again and again. His hands moved down my body, mine took hold of his shirt.

"C'mon…" I said, tugging on it. "You'll get warmer, I swear."

Still smiling, he sat back and lifted his shirt over his head. I took the opportunity to take mine off, too; when he leaned back over me, we were finally skin on skin.

"Feels better, don't it?" I said, our bodies pressed together under the covers - mine warm, his heating up.

"Heavenly, angel," he agreed. His lips were on my neck, his arms wrapped around me. "You miss me today?"

"Mmm-hmm," I nodded as his lips continued their trail down my body. He'd been gone way too long.

"C'mere then, princess, let me feel how much," he said, his hand brushing against the waistband of my panties. I opened my legs, let his hand move between them. "Oh, fuck you're wetter than I thought you'd be, angel . "

He pulled my underwear down over my legs, leaving me lying naked before him. His eyes roamed my body with a now familiar hunger before he moved back over me again. His hand trailing slowly up my thighs until it was back between them. A shiver ran through me at the unasked question in his eyes. I nodded, "I need you."

"I know, baby, I know," Daryl buried his head in my shoulder as he stroked me a few times before easing two fingers gently inside me. But he didn't know, not really. I was aching for him in more ways than one. The physical one was easier to express, I wasn't sure how to show him all the ways I needed him. How much he'd done for me just by loving me the way he did.

My hips moved to meet the way his fingers moved in and out of me. His thumb joined in, circling my clit. I gasped, "Fuck, that's good."

Daryl let out a grunt of satisfaction, kissing my neck as his hand continued working its magic between my thighs. I bit my lip in a futile effort to stop the way he was making me moan. The heat and pleasure building in my was fucking unbearable. Every nerve in my body was on fire with it. I turned my head to look at him, and found his eyes already on my face. "You're so fucking good for me, angel, look at you. My pretty, pretty girl."

Fuck.

I needed all of him.

"Fuck me, Daryl, please," I moaned.

"Uh-uh," he shook his head. "Not yet, angel. You're gonna cum for me this way first, alright?"

"Daryl, please. "

"C'mon, sweetheart," his voice was low by my ear. His fingers curled slightly inside me. "You can be a good girl and cum for me, can't ya? Jus' for me, angel."

He propped himself up on his elbow, his face above mind looking down at me with so much satisfied anticipation, so much love . My back arched against the mattress. A smirk of satisfaction flickered across Daryl's face in the split second before I came. I think I said his name, but I can't be sure. My whole body was singing with the feeling of belonging to him.

"That's it, that's it…" He murmured, kissing me lightly as my body trembled with it. "Good girl."

I collapsed back against the bed again. He withdrew his fingers and I closed my eyes for a moment, catching my breath. I heard the rustle of foil, and a slight pause as Daryl rolled a condom over himself. I opened my eyes again, leaning against my elbows to look over at him. He crawled back between my thighs. I sat up more, took his head in my hands and kissed him hard and deep.

"You ready for more, angel?" he asked. I nodded. He grabbed my hips and flipped me over onto my stomach. My body was so limp from the orgasm he'd just given me, it barely seemed to take him any effort at all. Daryl's knees gently nudged my legs apart and then he settled between them. His hands ran down the length of my back before one hand took hold of my hip again and his cock pushed slowly inside me. I pressed my face against our mattress to quiet the moan that came out of me. Daryl moaned too, "There's my girl."

God, he's perfect.

He's fucking perfect.

The sheets smelled of him, of us . This beautiful, perfect life we had together now. His lips peppered kisses across my back as he thrust slowly in and out of me. One of his hands grabbed mine and held it by my head on the pillow, our fingers entwined. He held it tight, like he always did. My whole life, nothing had ever made me feel as safe as his hand in mine.

Was Bryce right? Had I denied myself this kind of happiness for years because I couldn't get out of my own head? Was I still doing it? Daryl himself had said something similar after I'd kissed him for the first time.

"You either spend months fretting about shit and making lists, or you do something on impulse and beat yourself up about it for even longer."

I had first kissed him on impulse and look how that was going… I was getting my brains fucked out by my future husband. It wasn't exactly an argument for not listening to my gut.

"Oh, fuck ," I gasped as he thrust harder, his body pressed down against mine, pinning me to the mattress, the natural movement of our bodies as he fucked me creating delicious pressure and friction against my clit. I wondered if I was about to be the first person to die of pleasure, as I felt a second orgasm building in me. Daryl let out his own grunt of pleasure as his body responded. Harder. Faster. But it was more than sex, it always had been. The heat of his body against my back, his lips and teeth and tongue still marking the skin there. His hand was still tightly gripping mine as he filled me again and again.

"That's my sweet girl," Daryl muttered against my back, increasing his pace just a fraction, just enough. "Let go, princess. I got you. I got you, angel."

He really does.

He really fucking does.

I screamed his name into the pillow as he tipped me over the edge. My body twitched and clenched uncontrollably around him. Daryl's hand squeezed mine again. I felt his body tense at my back, I knew he was close and suddenly it felt like such a goddamn waste.

That night I'd first kissed him, I'd looked at him, head so hazy with alcohol that any of my usual anxieties were dulled, slowed. They couldn't move fast enough to get in my way. I'd been struck by a moment of blinding clarity that this man, right in front of me, was everything to me, and I'd finally gotten out of my own way.

Surrounded by him, filled by him, I had the same moment of clarity now. I looked back at him, "Take it off."

Daryl looked confused, he faltered for a moment. "Baby, we're both already naked what the hell do you-"

"The rubber. Take it off."

My head was hazy with desire, but this one burning need shone through.

He quickly pulled out. "Shit. Am I hurting you? Do you need to stop? I thought you were-"

"No, I-" I paused for a moment, words catching in my throat as I turned onto my back to look up at him. My heart beat hard in my chest. "I want you to cum inside me. I wanna have a baby with you."

I felt the shock ripple through him; his body tensed, his jaw clenched and he closed his eyes for a moment.

"Fucking hell, Naomi." His head bowed for a moment, coming to rest in the crook of my neck. His warm breath fanned across my neck as he breathed, "Fuuuuuck."

I waited, both of us breathing hard in the silence. The sharp rise and fall of his chest against mine. My heart was beating right up against my ribcage like it was trying to get to his. I ran my hand along his bare back. "Daryl…?"

He finally lifted his head from my shoulder to look at me. "You… changed your mind?"

"Yes," I said. Even I was surprised by how easily the answer came to me. "Do you still… want that?"

"I mean… yes, I think… Yeah, but…" He shook his head, "Not… tonight. Not… like this. We should talk about it first. You gotta be sure, okay? Give yourself time to change your mind. Before we start… trying for anything, you gotta… I dunno, make a list. Hell, make twelve. Fill every binder you can find in this damn place, but…" he took a breath, "...you gotta be sure."

The more I looked at him. The more sure I was. But, I wasn't gonna push it. I knew he was right. Given how much I'd freaked out when one condom had split on us, it only made sense that it might take him a while to believe me.

"You're right," I said. He nodded again, relaxed slightly, shook his head like he couldn't believe it. "Sorry, did I… did I just totally kill the mood?"

"You kiddin' me? I think that's the hottest thing I've ever heard. I mean… damn. You got no idea how much I had to hold back just then, sweetheart," he shook his head again. "But…"

"Yeah, you're right," I said again. "We can talk about it later."

He nodded, and took a few deep breaths. "Are you… uh, okay to keep going?"

"Yes," I smiled. He kissed me as I wrapped my legs around him, guiding him back inside me. He was slow at first, slowly building back momentum, but he didn't take his eyes off me.

"Naomi?" he said, jaw clenching a little in a way that told me he was holding back.

"Yes?"

"Will you say it again for me, angel?"

"You sure?" I asked, knowing it might make things worse for him if I changed my mind back. But maybe that was part of it, maybe he wanted to hear it now in case he never got to hear it again.

"Yeah, I'm sure," he said with a firm nod.

I reached up, taking his face in my hands as he continued to pound into me. I looked into his eyes, "Cum inside me, Daryl. Please. "

It took seconds.

"Oh, fuck. " I'd never heard him whimper like that. His lips crashed against mine as his body shuddered above me and then he collapsed, sinking down on top of me for a moment. I ran my fingers lightly up and down his back as he caught his breath before he pulled out and kissed me again. "I love you, baby."

"I love you, too."

Cleaned up and back under the cover with the lights off, his hand found mine like it always did and I wondered if he was thinking about it. I wanted to bring it up again. I wanted to stay up through the night convincing him that I wanted a family with him, because we were already a family, why not make it four? But, I knew now wasn't the time. I knew he was right to slam the breaks on when I'd seemingly very suddenly changed direction.

Was I still absolutely terrified? Yes. But was I with the absolute best person in the world to support me through getting something I wanted even if it scared me? Also, yes. Because I did want it. With him.

Daryl huffed in the dark.

"What?"

"Now I'm too hot."

Daryl

"I don't like the look of that sky," Lucas muttered, glancing up at the dark clouds rolling toward us.

"We got a couple of hours before it hits. I told Naomi I'd take the girls out for a bit. That okay?" I asked as if the bike helmets dangling from my arms weren't enough of a clue. It was polite to ask, though, and given our history, I would have to be polite to Lucas until the end of my days.

"Yeah," Lucas said. I think he was still a little afraid to disagree with me. "Although, I'd like to get going soon."

"No problem," I said. "Quick bike ride, and then y'all can hit the road."

"Sounds perfect," he said, smiling, even if it was a little forced.

I wondered how long I'd have to be nice to him before he stopped tensing up whenever I asked him a direct question. I wouldn't usually care, but Naomi liked him. They'd been through shit together. And he was Mia's friend's sort of dad, so I knew he wouldn't be out of my life any time soon.

Guess being a family man means hanging out with people you've once dreamed about punching in the face.

"Can you keep an eye on her while we're out?"

"On Naomi?" Lucas looked surprised. It hadn't been all that long ago that I was warning him off spending any time with her at all. Even looking at her for too long might've earned him a glare.

"She's working herself too hard," I said. "She's stressed… just… make sure she knows she's doing a good job, okay? I keep telling her, but I think it'll help hearing it from someone who ain't me."

"Okay," he said, unable to wipe the surprise from his face. Part of him probably worried I was setting some trap, but I meant what I was saying. It wasn't his fault that every time I looked at him, I felt like I was looking at the kind of man Naomi should be with. She was about to be my wife. Didn't get much more final than that.

It was more than that, though. The way she loved me left no room for the doubts that had haunted me at the start. It didn't matter that I didn't think I was good enough; she had decided I was the one she wanted. And lucky for me, once Naomi's made up her mind, there ain't no changing it.

Damn stubborn little angel.

Lucas and I pushed the door to the office open. Naomi glanced up from whatever she was working on, maybe surprised to see us coming in together without a glare on my face. Aaron and Bryce were sitting at the table a respectable distance apart. They were good at that, always somehow being in the same room but never too close. Perla and Mia looked over from where they'd been playing with Gracie. They immediately exchanged a worried look.

"Is it time to go?" Perla asked Lucas.

"Almost," he said. "Daryl thought there might be time for one last bike ride before we head to Alexandria. How does that sound?"

"Yes!" Both girls jumped up immediately. The big smile on Mia's face every time I suggested a bike ride made the hours it had taken to teach her more than worth it. She was always so proud of herself. I was proud of her, too, thinking back to how nervous she'd been during that first lesson.

"Alright," Lucas said. "I'll get our stuff packed up. We're leaving right when you get back, okay, Perla? No complaints."

"Alright," Perla agreed, although everyone in that room knew both of them would be asking for just a few more minutes when the time came for Perla to go home again. It was the same dance every time. Lucas left to get their things together.

"Are the bikes in your shop?" Mia asked. Mia had the one I'd found for her a while ago, and we'd managed to dig out another that was a good enough fit for Perla to borrow while she was here.

"I oiled the chain for ya. You wanna go get them?" I asked. Mia nodded, and she and Perla made to leave. I held up the bike helmets. "Helmet, Mia. You too, Perla."

" You don't wear a helmet," Mia pointed out, but she took it from me all the same. "And your bike is way faster than ours."

"She's got a point, you know," Naomi muttered, looking up from whatever she was writing. "All three of you should be in helmets."

Mia looked smug. She and Naomi shared a conspiratorial smirk. I shook my head at both of them. "Go get the bikes, Mia. I'll see you guys out front."

Without the girls fussing over her, Gracie started crying. Naomi and I both looked at the crying infant, then at each other, and then quickly away again. I hadn't brought it up. There hadn't been a good time, and I thought it best to wait for her to be the one to do it. If she'd said something in the heat of a moment and then changed her mind, that was okay. I didn't want to push her into anything. Our life was already damn near perfect.

Mercifully, Aaron stood up and picked up his kid. "I should probably put this little one down for a bit."

"You want me to bring these?" Bryce asked, scooping up the blanket and the baby toys that were strewn across it.

"Yeah, that would be great, thank you," Aaron nodded. Bryce picked up Gracie's things and followed him out of the room.

"You looking for a helmet?" Naomi asked when they were gone. "I'm sure I've seen one somewhere…"

I sighed, moving behind her. She closed the binder that was open in front of her. My hands ran across her shoulder, trying to ease the tension from them. I rested my chin on her head. "You really gonna cramp my style like that?"

"You'll still look hot in a helmet," she said, tilting her head back to look up at me. I kissed her forehead. "I have a weird preference for men with intact skulls."

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled, but I could feel the smile at the edges of my mouth. It was nice having someone worry about me. "You wanna come with us? Take a little break from all of this, maybe?"

"No," she said. "I got somethin' I wanna finish, and then I'm going to ask Donna if she can make something for Mia's birthday. It would be good if you could distract her, that girl's got sonar hearing when it comes to birthday presents."

She wasn't wrong. We'd already had to move the art supplies we'd scavenged for her twice already because of Mia's snooping. "Alright. As long as it ain't a puppy."

"Don't be silly. You gotta be fifteen for a puppy."

"And a motorcycle, right?"

"Don't you dare," she laughed, those pretty eyes of hers sparkling with amusement. I kissed her forehead again. "Maybe when Perla and Lucas are gone… after dinner, maybe we… we could…talk?"

My stomach flipped, but I tried to stay cool. "Yeah. 'course we can."

I bent to kiss her lips, and then I went to find Mia and Perla before my mind could get too caught up in this. How fast she'd brought it up again made me think she hadn't meant it. Surely, she'd have to stress about it some more before she came to a decision.

"Where are we gonna go?" Mia asked, rolling her bike out of my workshop alongside Perla.

"Not far; we ain't got long," I said, grabbing the keys for one of my bikes. "Thought we could check some of the traps on the road to Alexandria, see if we've caught any extra food."

"Alright," Mia said. "Hey, maybe we could cycle all the way to Alexandria, and Lucas could meet us there."

"Yeah, that would be fun," Perla agreed. It sounded rehearsed, like they'd already come up with this plan while they'd been getting their bikes.

"Some other time, maybe," I said, knowing full well they were just trying to come up with excuses to spend more time together. "We wouldn't make it there and back on our bikes before the snow hits. Quick ride and then back to Sanctuary, you heard Lucas."

Reluctantly, they agreed. We rolled our bikes out to the front of Sanctuary.

"Don't go too fast," I warned them, eyeing the ground in front of them. "It's a little icy."

Mia and Perla set off. I waited a few minutes, let them get ahead of me, and then started my motorbike. I'm sure they'd have preferred to go without me cramping their style, but it wasn't safe for them to get too far away from Sanctuary without an adult. I'd hoped that teaching Mia to ride would give her a fast way to get out of trouble, but she wasn't a confident enough rider for that yet. If they ran into a horde of Walkers or any dangerous survivors out there, I didn't know how easily she'd be able to get away.

I moved at a snail's pace a safe distance behind them. Probably sounds boring, but it wasn't. Mia was, despite the state of the world, a happy kid. Sure, there were moments when everything we'd all been through weighed on her. The older kids - Mia, Perla, Carl, and Edith - sometimes had a darkness about them. Everything they'd seen and been through weighed on them from time to time, fighting with their memories of the world before all of this. But they always bounced back. So damn resilient. By the time the younger kids were old enough to really take in the world around them, we'd have made one that kept them safe. Judith and Hershe wouldn't have any memories of the old world either. It would all just be stories we told them.

Stories we'd tell our kids, too.

If we have one.

I looked at Mia in front of me, laughing and joking around with her friend.

It could be such a big risk.

And for what?

We already have the best little girl in the whole wide world.

We stopped occasionally to check the traps for any game that might have wandered in. They all came up empty, and Mia looked a little more deflated by it each time.

I was about to call it a day and tell them both we needed to turn around so that Perla, Lucas, and Aaron could get back to Alexandria before nightfall. That dark storm cloud was moving closer; the wind was picking up.

Mia's bike screeched to a sudden halt. Her wide eyes were on the treeline. I slowed and stopped, too. Perla noticed and doubled back. Mia pointed and whispered, "Deer!"

I kicked down my bike stand and slowly climbed down, my eyes scanning to see what she saw. Sure enough, a deer was trying to graze on frosted ground. I'd spent most of yesterday tracking these damn things, and now here it was. Perla laid her bike down too. "Do you think we can get it?"

"Daryl can," Mia said confidently. She looked at me again. "Can't you?"

I picked up my crossbow, shrugged my backpack off, and left it on the bike seat. I trained my crossbow on the deer. From here, it was an easy shot. The damn thing had fallen into our laps.

"Can I try?" Mia asked in a whisper. "Please?"

"I don't know," I said, wishing I'd discussed something like this with Naomi beforehand. "A crossbow is pretty powerful. It ain't a toy."

"You and Naomi used one when you were younger than me!" she said indignantly. She wanted to be like her sister. I knew the feeling. Partly from wanting Merle's approval and partly from spending my whole life in awe of Naomi. Mia changed tactics, "Plus, don't you think it's good to know how to shoot one? It's safer than a gun, quieter, so it wouldn't draw any Walkers."

Too damn smart for her own good.

"Alright," I said, swinging my crossbow off my shoulder. "But it ain't like shooting a gun, okay? There's a lot of kickback. I need you to be ready for it, or you could really hurt your shoulder."

"Okay," Mia said solemnly. She looked so damn serious. I handed her my crossbow and showed her how to hold it. She'd never listened more carefully to anything I'd ever said. I helped her line up the shot.

"Whenever you're ready," I said. I kept my eyes on her as she pulled the trigger and sent the bolt whizzing through the air. Despite my warning, the kickback took her by surprise. "You alright? Did you hurt yourself?"

"No, I'm fine," she said, her eyes wide. "Did I get it?"

I looked at the space where the deer had been. It could've fallen down dead, or it could have run off.

"Let's go take a look," I said, taking my crossbow back. My boots crunched on frozen ground. There were patches of frost and ice around the trees. Mia and Perla followed quietly behind. At the spot where the deer had been, there was a smear of blood. "You got it. It's injured. It probably won't get far. You wanna track it?"

Mia nodded enthusiastically. Perla nodded, too. I was glad they were up for it. It would be so good to bring it home and add it to our food supply. The more we could get, the longer our winter rations would stretch.

The injured deer was fast but easy to track. Drops of blood in the ice. We tracked it to a creek just in time to see it stumble up a verge. I stopped. I was pretty sure this creek made up the boundary between our land and Negan's. Mia pointed as the deer tripped and collapsed at the top of the verge, "There it is!"

It was so close. It could feed so many of us.

"Stay here," I told them. "Don't move. Any sign of trouble, you run home alright. Don't wait for me, just go."

"Why?" Perla asked, looking nervously across the creek.

"I think that's Negan's territory," I said. I should've brought Naomi's damn maps.

Mia scanned the woods without her friend's caution. "He has a big territory. He can't be watching it all at once. He's probably not even here anymore. It's so cold, he probably found somewhere inside."

"Maybe," I said. I couldn't argue much. It was the same logic I was using. The chances of Negan being on this specific patch of his designated land right before a snowstorm was likely to hit felt tiny. If I were him, out here alone, I'd have found shelter long ago. "But we don't know that for sure. So stay here. Alright?"

"Alright," Mia said. I could tell she was refraining from her usual eye roll.

"And neither of you tell Naomi I was over there. We'd be the first couple to get divorced before we get married."

"Deal," Mia said. Perla nodded in agreement.

I looked for a way across the creek. I didn't much like getting my feet wet in this weather. Some of the water was starting to freeze in parts. A little further up, some rocks were protruding from the stream. Not ideally placed, but I could use them to get across.

"Stay here," I looked back at them before I took the first step. The rocks were slippery, coated in water and ice. I took it slowly, carefully, and then pulled myself up onto the verge.

The deer had collapsed, bleeding out. I moved toward it.

"Did I get it?" Mia yelled impatiently.

"Yeah," I called back, slipping a quick knife into its skull to put it out of its misery. "You got it. Good job."

"Yes!" Mia cheered from the other side. I didn't like how close she sounded. Closer than before. I stood up. She already had one foot on one of the stepping stones I'd used. Perla was hovering behind her, with the nervous stress of someone watching their friend getting themselves in trouble.

"Dammit, Mia! I told you not to come over here," I said, holding up a hand in a futile effort to halt her progress. "Stay there, don't -"

But she wasn't listening. A big smile broke out across her face. "I got it! I got it! That's the biggest thing I've ever hunted!"

Mia hopped to the second rock, barely stopping before she leaped to the third. I ran to the side of the creek to force her back. She jumped to the rock closest to me.

She slipped.

A moment of panic flickered across her face, but I reached out and caught her under the arms. I lifted her up and swung her around so that she could get her feet on solid ground.

Only, we never got there.

I felt the bullet hit Mia before my brain registered the sound of the gunshot.

A splatter of blood hit my face.

Everything stood still. I only knew that time was passing from the red that bloomed on Mia's chest. The shock in her eyes.

A heartbeat passed that felt like a lifetime, and then my instincts kicked in. I pulled Mia down behind the nearest tree, sheltering her from whoever the fuck had shot her.

I knew.

I knew before I even looked.

Negan's pale face looked back at me from some distance, but it was unmistakably him. His mouth hung open. There was a shock in his eyes that had no right to be there. "I… I didn't see her… I… I thought it was just you."

When I looked back at Mia, her eyes were shut.

"Mia?" I called to her. She didn't stir. "Mia…?"

My crossbow was back in my hand before I knew what was happening. Negan ran. I ran. If I slowed for a second, I'd feel too much to go on. For now, I needed to let the rage fuel me. Drive me forward.

"Get back here!" I yelled at Negan's retreating back as he darted between the trees. "Face me like a fucking man!"

Negan fired a shot behind him. It hit a tree to my left, wood splintering like shrapnel. He fired a second, and my leg gave out underneath me. Tasted dirt as I hit the ground, and then I heard the gunshot ringing in my ears.

Coward.

Fucking coward.

I would kill him.

I would rip him apart with my bare hands.

Tear his fucking throat out and watch the life leave his eyes.

I didn't care how long it took. I would hunt him to the ends of the Earth, busted leg or not. I pushed myself up onto my forearms. There was no pain in my leg yet, but I knew it was shock. I probably would have forced myself to keep going after him if it wasn't for the noise behind me. Perla was screaming. Mia was crying.

She's not dead.

She's not dead.

It was hard to stand. There still wasn't any pain, but I couldn't put much weight on my leg. Perla was crouching beside Mia, trying to help her. She'd tied a scarf around her to try and stop the bleeding.

"Get back to the road," I called to her. "My backpack. It's on my bike. There's a walkie. Call for help. Go!"

Perla didn't want to leave her friend, but she stood up, nodding. She'd feel better with something to do, and if she could get us help before I reached the road, Mia would have a better chance of survival.

I reached Mia as Perla ran back the way we'd come.

"Hey, hey," I said to her. Her wide and panicked eyes fixed on me. Her breathing was fast and shallow. She was pale. But she was here. She was alive. "You're gonna be okay, sweetie. Okay?"

I picked her up. Gritting my teeth as I carried her back toward the creek. She was trying to say something. To anyone else, it would've sounded like she was calling for her mom, but I knew she was trying to say Naomi. It all meant the same to her.

"Yeah, she's comin'," I said, trying to reassure her, trying to say anything to make her feel better. "Naomi's gonna be with you real soon, babygirl. Real soon."

I waded through the creek. Freezing water filled my boots. I didn't care. Wasn't worried about frostbite. I'd have given both of my legs to get her home. Mia's eyelids were drooping.

"Mia, stay with me, sweetie, okay?" I said, desperately trying to get her eyes to stay open. "You're gonna be just fine, alright? We're gonna get you home."

Mia nodded, but her eyes closed and didn't open again. She was so pale. I reached the other side of the creek.

I can't carry another dead girl back to her sister.

I can't do it.

Not my girls.

"C'mon, Mia, please, " I begged her. "Open your eyes, kid. You're gonna be okay, you gotta be okay."

Mia didn't stir.

We were in sight of the road. My vision was narrowing to a point, fixed on our bikes. Pain was starting to spread up from my leg, radiating out from the bullet wound. My feet were ice. Trousers wet with blood and freezing water.

I slipped. Ice and blood mixing on the road. Perla was nearby. I could kind of hear that she was shouting, but I couldn't take it in. Blood was rushing in my ears.

Naomi's on her way.

She'll be here.

I laid Mia down on the road and laid down right next to her. With the last of my strength, I reached over and pulled her discarded bike over so that it was shielding her. If Walkers came, they could eat me first, and the bike would slow them down until Naomi could get to her. Get her home. Keep her safe.

"Naomi's comin', don't you worry," I said. I couldn't move much anymore. Dark clouds were above my head, but my vision was darkening more around the edges. The pain in my leg was slipping away again, which meant I was, too. Mia hadn't moved, but I could see she was still breathing. I kept talking as long as I could, just in case she could hear me. "She'll be here real soon. She's comin' to get ya, Mia. Naomi's gonna be with ya soon."

Take me instead of Mia, I threw it out to any God that was listening. I'd take a deal with the devil to keep her alive.

Take my soul.

Take my life.

I don't need it anymore.

There was no way Naomi would forgive me for this. My life was already over. I closed my eyes. I couldn't fight the encroaching darkness anymore.

Let my little girl live.

Take me.

Please.