Chapter 57

Eavesdropping

Alex POV

Woah. Rhi is finally talking. Well, not to me but it sounds like she's talking to someone. I wish she would just open up and talk straight to me. It kind of hurts that she won't but Kate and Ana keep telling me she's not like everyone else. I wish I knew why.

I have no clue what I should do. Do I stay and listen? It feels a little like I'm eavesdropping but I really want to know and understand her. I want to know what happened to bring her to who she is today. Not to mention I really want to know what happened to her hand. Hitting it on a cabana is highly unlikely. That kind of injury comes from hitting something. Or someone.

I can see that she's experiencing a lot of pain but I don't know what from and I really wish I did. I don't know why but I feel drawn to her and want to take care of her. She seems so fragile and innocent at times. Other times she's defiant and stronger than most women, and some men, and that just makes things more interesting.

I will say this, watching her drink so much tequila really worries me. That's a pretty strong alcohol and a lot of people get angry when they drink it. I haven't really noticed her get angry, which is a good thing, but I notice that she tries to hide it. While I don't really approve of drinking it so much, once in a while is OK, but in her case she drinks it like it's water. She reminds me of a little kid doing something they know is wrong and still being sneaky. She knows I don't really approve of all the alcohol, but then again this is Vegas and they are here for vacation so I can understand the thought process. I've done the same thing at times. Strangely enough she doesn't ever appear to be drunk, maybe feeling good, but not drunk. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

According to her, she drinks just as much back home with her friends. That makes me worry, more than I like to admit. Am I jealous of her spending so much time with other men, especially when I'm not around? Yes. I admit it. I'm jealous and possessive but I also have to keep reminding myself that she doesn't live here and she has a life back home. Besides, I don't own her and, to be honest, I don't think anyone ever will. Not that she's an object to own but you know what I mean.

Anyway, I really wish she could find another way to handle things but if it's tequila she wants then I'll give it to her. In controlled amounts though. I can't just let her down bottle after bottle to escape whatever is hurting her. I'll have to find something else that will help her.

I'm caught up watching Rhi at the window when I hear the rustle of clothes off to my right. I turn my head and see Ana and Kate standing in the doorway watching and listening. Kate motions for me to be quiet while Ana picks up the bottle of Patron and walks quietly over to Rhi and fills her glass. After setting the bottle down on a nearby table, showing Rhi where it's at. There's a slight smile on Rhi's lips but it soon fades as she empties the glass and refills it. Ana comes back from the bar and motions for me to go to their room. I follow reluctantly, not wanting to leave Rhi.

Ana and Kate POV

Kate and I split off into our room and are relaxing and absorbing the quiet. After a few minutes I hear something.

"Do you hear something?" I ask Kate quietly so I can hear better.

We're both quiet, our ears trained toward the door. Kate whispers, "I heard Rhi and Alex talking in the kitchen a few minutes ago but this, it sounds different. It's eerily quiet except for the occasional whisper. Let's go look and see what's happening." Not that we're nosy, Rhi will tell us everything anyway so we're not too worried about things, but we are curious.

We tiptoe to the door and slowly open it a couple of inches. Alex is standing at the breakfast bar, the bottle of Patron sitting in front of him. He pours a glass and hands it to Rhi, who drinks it immediately and hands it back to him asking for more. I see him sigh, take the glass, fill it again and hand it back to her. She gets up and walks to the window. There's a long silence, and then I hear it. A small sad voice asking for help from the one person she needs the most and is no longer there. I look at Kate and she returns my gaze, reading my mind. We both glance at Alex who is standing there quietly.

We listen to Rhi start her conversation and when she starts talking about what happened this morning Alex looks over at us, confusion marring his features. Kate motions for him to keep quiet as I walk over to the bar and pick up the bottle of tequila. Approaching Rhi, I give her a small smile and take the glass from her and refill it and set the bottle down on a table and wordlessly walk back toward Kate, motioning for Alex to follow me. Reluctantly, he follows.

Once we're all in the bedroom I turn around and close the door. Leaning up against it I look at Alex. "Alex, I know everything that's happened seems strange right now but listen to me. I know we've told you before but she's been through a lot. She's broken and bruised but she's still here. I glance at Kate briefly before continuing, "She doesn't deal with stressful situations like most people do. Unfortunately, you can't make it all go away, no matter how hard you try and how much you want to. Right now, you just need to be quiet and listen. She's finally dealing with what happened today and this is how she copes. It's very sad and hard to watch but just let her finish. She'll come around when she's done and needs to see you there."

I watch as he frowns and I'm beginning to wonder if this is all going to be too much for him. After all, it is a lot to deal with. This vacation wasn't supposed to be like this. We always just had fun and lived free and were able to get away from life back home. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, I don't know but that just seems like a flimsy fantasy to grasp onto in this hellish nightmare.

No matter how hard I try I can't blame Christian, Rhi's mother, or even Luke for that matter. There's only one person who's to blame and that's Jace. He's the root cause of this nightmare. He's rewritten Dante's Inferno and has tailored it for Rhi. No one can fathom just how much damage one person's actions or words can cause. Once they do realize it's often too late and the damage is done. Thought processes morph to varying degrees and reactions to situations can have the opposite effect of what was intended. Rhi just happens to be on the extreme side.

Alex doesn't say anything but I can see the sadness in his eyes. "I wish there was an easy fix for this, just like you do, but there isn't. We've been dealing with this for years and still haven't found any magical, for lack of a better word, 'cure.'" I'm doing what I can to make him understand her vices but it's hard for me to suggest something I'm not entirely supportive of. "I know you don't approve of it and wish there was something else that can be done, so do we, but leave the tequila for her. Sometimes she just needs to know it's there when she needs it."

After a minute, he looks from me to Kate, smiles a sad smile and nods his head. I watch as he silently approaches the door so I open it for him and he leaves the room.

Turning to Kate, who's just been listening, and say, "Kate, I don't know if I just did a good thing or a bad one. I hope this helps those two, or at least helps Alex have some understanding of how delicate the situation is. Let's agree to be here for both of them when they need us."

She nods in agreement, "You and I both know they're going to need it. Come on, let's leave them to whatever is going to happen. As usual, we'll be there to pick up the pieces." We already know what's going to happen, we just don't know the outcome. Turning off the lights, we turn on the tv to drown out the conversation.

Alex POV

Going back into the main room my head is spinning with the information Ana just gave me. I don't know what to expect, or even what I'm feeling, but I know I need to be closer. I choose to sit on the couch near Rhi, I want her to know I'm there and when she looks at me I'm not sure she really sees me. Tears are streaming down her face and my heart breaks in two. I want to hold her but I can't move; I'm frozen in place. I take a deep breath and sigh, resigned, to just sit and listen.

Rhi POV

I finish my glass and eye the bottle nearby. I know I shouldn't drink this much but I don't know if I can get through this. I hate feeling this weak and out of control. My mind is running away from me it's like a freight train out of control on its track heading for the station. I've avoided thinking about the events from today. Actually, I've avoided confronting the memories that don't seem to fade; no matter what I do. Sighing, I fill my glass again. It's now or never.

"Dad, I don't need you chastising me right now. It's not helping. I don't think you understand or know what today's events did. Had it not been for Kate and Ana I don't know what would have happened. I was able to calm down after a few drinks." I chuckle, "OK, maybe it was more than a few, but in my defense the two Bloody Mary's were breakfast. It was the six shots of Patron that really helped calm my nerves."

That's not breakfast and you know that. I think you do things for the shock value sometimes. You've always had a twisted sense of humor.

"I can't deny that." I laugh, "I totally admit that."

So, what are you thinking?

After a heavy sigh, "I know that no one likes how much and how often I drink but I've done it for such a long time that I haven't been able to find anything else that works. Believe me, I've tried. I even agreed to go to therapy, and it's helped a lot, but Dr. Cameron can't fix everything. God how I hated going to therapy in the beginning. It was embarrassing to admit I'm fucked up. Now, I know I need him, I need to talk when things get bad; to someone who isn't directly involved. I love Kate and Ana, and they've really helped but I'm sure they're tired of not being able to fix things." I sigh again, taking a drink.

The silence remains heavy for longer than I wanted. I don't really like the quiet because I think too much. I try not to think, that's why I'm always doing something. I just go, go, go to keep things at bay.

After a few minutes, I continue, "I'm trying, really trying, but you can't erase the past. No matter how hard you try it will always be there. Learning from it is important and it has helped a lot but it's the moving forward that's the hardest. Sometimes I wonder if it's made things worse. You've tried to understand, I know you have, but no matter how much you love someone you can't begin to understand the effects trauma can have on someone."

You know that's not fair. While we don't understand firsthand, we see the effects. We've lived through it with you. You're pretty easy to read, more than you like to admit. Trust me, Dr. Cameron can read you like a book.

"He's not everything." I snap. "He's helped, not fixed."

You can't fix something that's …

Ignoring everything else, I continue, "I get tired of the judgmental looks I often get, and I totally understand them, but then again it's my life and I know how much I can handle." I chuckle, "I suppose there is one thing that I've done that doesn't help the situation and that are all the drinking games with the guys back home. Probably not the best decision I've made."

You've done worse but you're right that doesn't help the situation.

"You know, I really don't have any other way of coping. I mean, my drinking doesn't hurt anyone. I can be numb and not feel anything; for a little while anyway." I look down and see that I've almost emptied my glass. I'm going to do my best not to refill but only time will tell.

"So, let me enlighten you on the events that have transpired from the time we got here up until now. Hold on to you your boots because it's going to be a bumpy ride." I chuckle at the old timey sounding phrase I've always loved. Dad used to use it all the time to make me laugh.

Oh this ought to be good. I'm on pins and needles. Lay it on me.

I bark out a laugh and it feels good. I haven't done that in a coons age which, to be honest, I have NO IDEA just how long that really is.

"All day yesterday and today I've been feeling like I'm being watched. We had a little run-in with three guys yesterday and today one of them followed me at the pool and freaked me out so bad I thought he was Jace. Then, as I was going up to the room, he was in the hallway and tried to grab me. Of course, you know me and my temper, I lost it. I yelled at him and punched him in the face. That's why the broken hand." I laugh at the memory of seeing King Kong's face explode and him crumble to the floor.

Ha Ha. I wish I could have seen that. You've always been a good fighter. That's what you've been trained for. Serves him right for trying to lay hands on you. I'm proud of you. Everyone would be.

"So, I also met someone. You would really like him. He's such an amazing man. He's kind, caring considerate and oh so many other things there are too many to list. Kate and Ana and Alex are making me see a doctor tomorrow and I'm scared of what will be revealed. I just want to wait until I get home but apparently that's a stupid idea, according to Kate." I roll my eyes, "Alex agrees with them. I'm not some wimpy person, about anything, but for some reason I feel helpless. I really like Alex but I'm afraid of what will happen when he…sees." God I sound pathetic. You've never cared much about what other people think. Maybe it's because Alex is different?

So, what's the problem? I like him already. It sounds like he cares about your well-being. I wish I could've met him.

Sadly, I wish he could have too. I wish I had a normal life, a normal upbringing, a normal family. Unfortunately, that just wasn't in the cards for me. "He deserves the best; better than me. I'm too damaged and fucked up for him. On the outside, yeah I feel good enough. On the inside? That's a different story. Looks can be deceiving." OK, I've tried but I just can't do it. I drink another glass and savor the burn.

You're drinking a lot more than normal.

"You know, me and pain. It keeps me going. You also know I don't' like to take pills. While the pain may not be completely gone, it's somewhat manageable. Who knows, maybe Dr. Cameron is right. Maybe it's just a mental crutch that makes me THINK it helps. Though I hate to admit when someone else is right. I'll try, for my friends, to lay off the drinking so much and only do it when it's for fun, not therapy. It's going to be hard but for them I'll do what I can."

I'm glad you are going to try. Kate and Ana really love you and they always will. They are saints in my book. Not many people can, or will, put up with your shit. You've also got everyone back home. You do realize what's going to happen when they find out, right?

I roll my eyes and groan, "They don't need to know." I can keep lying to myself all I want but he's right. There's no hiding this…situation.

Oh, they'll know, if they don't already. So, back to this Alex, what does he think?

"He wanted me to get it looked at tonight but I wanted to wait until I got back home. My doctor knows my history. I don't know how if I can handle divulging my history to some strange doctor. Lucky for me he's coming here so maybe no one will see. I wonder if he can just do something to protect it for now and I won't have to worry about it."

Unlikely but you can keep telling yourself that.

Yep, I'll tell myself that until it happens. "I'm worried that he'll run for the hills when he finds out. He makes me happy and I feel… different with I'm with him."

No one has run for the hills yet. You've got a huge support system behind you. You're not alone. You don't have to handle this by yourself.

Silence is heavy and I'm caught up in my thoughts. "I don't know if you know this, maybe you do, but I've been told I'm lucky to have survived. The reason why? I did because of Ana and Kate. And you, of course. Along with everyone else. You guys wouldn't let me quit, no matter what; Even when I wanted to. Who knows, maybe I'm too stubborn to give up or let anything bring me down."

Believe me, we all know. You're not that hard to read, once you let someone in.

Silence weighs heavily, it's almost unbearable. "I hate this. Needing you so bad that I have to talk to you this way. I'm sure I seem like a schizophrenic hearing voices. It just makes it easier to talk out loud. It makes you real, you know, like you're still here. I miss you so much and I miss your hugs."

Suddenly I feel something touch me and I jump. I turn around and there's Alex, beautiful Alex, with his hands on my shoulders. He looks down at me, silently opening his arms, welcoming me inside. Slowly I walk into his embrace.

Alex POV

I've got Rhi in my arms now. She's so small it almost feels like I'm just holding a robe. She feels so good but so small and fragile. I'm speechless. Never in a million years did I ever think she'd been through so much. I knew there was something but I never knew the extent of it. I mean, yes, I want to know everything but that can wait. Let's get through tonight first.

I pick her up and sit on the couch, looking at the stars in the sky. She's right, there is something about it that's soothing. She straddles me and lays her head on my chest, tears on her cheeks. I'm torn, do I say something or do I just hold her in silence? After a minute I decide on a little of both.

"Shh… baby it's OK. It'll be OK. I've got you. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." I whisper, soothingly as I rock her gently, like a parent would consoling a child.

She's silent and doesn't move so I lean back and just hold her as she cries herself to sleep. God this is breaking my heart. I just want to take away her pain, all of it, in every form. I sit, holding her as she sleeps, watching the sky fade from dark to light, as the night slowly becomes dawn.