Chapter 66

Pandora's Box

Dr. W POV

After leaving the room I have Susie prepare the documents for her and her doctor. I then summon Rachel to have her gather everything to cast Rhi. Hell, I might need Susie to help too with the amount of manipulation that will be needed to get her hand as straight as possible. I'll do my best to prevent it but there is a possibility that she will need her bones broken again in order for the surgeon to repair, or even rebuild, her hand. I didn't have the heart to tell her that part, though I'm sure she already has an idea.

I wish I could get her to agree to have surgery here, for obvious reasons, but I totally understand her wanting to wait until she got home. She'll need significant recovery time and she wouldn't be able to stay here forever while doing that. It's best to recover in your own environment.

I don't know enough about her or her life to make that decision for her. Something tells me that even her friends can't make her do something she doesn't want to do. She definitely has independence running through her veins. While that is admirable, it can also be detrimental.

I go back to the room and walk in and perch on the stool. After a moment, I ask her if she has any questions regarding the x-rays. To be honest, I'm not really surprised when she says that she does.

"I do, actually. Could I get digital copies of the images? I'm sure there are a few people who would like to see them. They seem to not trust me when I say, 'It's no big deal.' I can't imagine why." She smirks. "I know two of them definitely won't trust me and will want to see them. I might as well bite the bullet and be prepared. I don't know if Alex would be as untrusting as Ana and Kate, considering I haven't known him for long. However, I can almost guarantee that Ana and Kate have been chatting with him about my… lack of medical treatment for myself."

A frown mars her face and I can only imagine how she's feeling about the whole thing. She's probably feeling pressure from everywhere.

I smile and nod my head, "Yes, I can get those for you. I'll have Susie send them to you as well. Let me inform her so we can have everything ready before you leave today." Stepping out of the room briefly I request the information be sent to Rhi as well. It never hurts to have everyone in the loop.

Approaching the door to the room, I'm half expecting Rhi to be doing some random thing with the skeleton that has now been named Charlie. It's funny, I never even thought to give him a name. Maybe Mr. Bones, but that's only when children were here and we don't get them very often. I have to admit, she's definitely creative in finding ways to entertain herself. I chuckle at the thought.

Entering the room once again, I'm kind of disappointed she's not messing around with Charlie, but I can't help the smile that spreads across my face when I see her spinning around on the stool while fidgeting with the brain I gave her earlier. She certainly is like a little kid at times.

"You know, I would be so sick after all that spinning." I say, laughing as she jumps from surprise. I can't keep my laugh in, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I thought you would've heard me."

"That was mean." She laughs, "Sorry, I got caught up in my head. And spinning. It's quite therapeutic. You should try it some time." She seems happy, at the moment, but I get the feeling that she's anything but.

"I'll have to remember that. Maybe when I haven't eaten." I chuckle. She starts to get up and I wave her down. "Go ahead and sit there. I'll sit over here. You can fidget while we're waiting for Rachel to come in and set up for your cast so you can get back to enjoy the rest of your vacation."

I watch as she sits back down and sways side to side. We sit in silence for a minute, waiting for Rachel to come in. Breaking the silence I ask, "Rhi? Is there anything you want to talk about? No pressure. You just seem to be a little more relaxed without everyone around."

She stops swaying, briefly, before starting up again. Without looking at me, she sighs. "I know we need to talk about my history, and believe me there's a lot, but I don't know where to even begin." She stops again and looks my way. "You're right. I know they mean well but they drive me crazy treating me like a child. I AM an adult and I DO have a mind of my own." She pauses, "I'll admit, I do stupid shit a lot and don't think about the repercussions, but I don't do anything that hurts anyone. I think that's the big problem; I don't think about my own safety, but at least I think about everyone else's." She laughs, "I'm not a COMPLETE idiot."

"I certainly don't blame you for being frustrated. I can tell, in the small amount of time I've interacted with you, they love and care for you very much." I pause, "Do you have anyone else in your life that takes care of you like they do?"

I'm trying to dig up more information without seeming obvious. It seems like she's been through a lot and could use someone who's neutral. Someone with no direct connection to the situation. I notice a slight change in her posture when I ask that question. A sadness in her eyes appears and I see her struggle to hold herself together.

After a few minutes, I she says, quietly, "Not anymore."

Rhi POV

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. That seems to be my mantra lately. I've never cried so much as I have the past couple of days. I'm usually so stoic or put on a mask to hide it. I've been accused of being unfeeling and heartless. Maybe I am, or have been, but I seem to be feeling a lot more than expected. Caught off guard, tears form in my eyes, spill over and slide down my cheeks. My mantra has failed me once again.

Dr. W POV

Oh my. There's a lot more underneath the surface than I thought. My heart breaks watching her break down. Standing up, I grab the box of Kleenex and walk around the table to hand it to her. I don't say anything or look at her. I just return to my seat and sit quietly. She seems like such a lost soul. I can see so much sadness in her eyes that it's such a contrast of her personality. I can see that personality trying to break through, but the sadness prevents it to fully emerge.

There's nothing but silence between us, deafening silence. Not even our breathing could be heard, unless we're both holding ours.

Rhi POV

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

Dr. W has a frown on his face, "There's nothing to be sorry for. I apologize for upsetting you. It wasn't my intention. I shouldn't have pushed. I'll let you decide what you want to talk about."

I'm confused. I don't even like to talk to Dr. Cameron but I feel something in his demeanor that makes me want to open up to him. I haven't seen Dr. Cameron since before the vacation and I can guarantee I will need to see him as soon as I return home. Definitely after this shit-show of a vacation which, I hope, can be salvaged. I don't want my good memories tarnished by this. Maybe what I need is to talk to someone who is a non-biased party; just to get it out and get a different perspective.

Sighing, I let out a heavy breath. "I'm tired." I close my eyes briefly to gather my thoughts. "I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of not being the 'Rhi' that I know I am. I'm tired of everyone treating me like a child or a wounded animal. I mean, I AM wounded but jeeze no one likes to be treated like they're going to break. Yes, I'm broken and yes I've had psychological breaks but with the help of my therapist and Kate and Ana, and formerly my dad." My voice wavers and I swallow hard before continuing, "I'm getting better though."

Dr. W POV

Ah. There it is. The reason for the tears a few moments ago. Her dad was the one who took care of her. They were close. "Please, take your time. I'm in no hurry." I smile at her.

In the years that I've been a medical doctor in Las Vegas with this clinic, I've seen some terrible things. I've learned that you can't rush a victim into talking. If you do, they are more likely to lash out; or cause someone else to lash out and end their suffering. However, I don't see Rhi doing this desperate act of self-preservation but I'm not going to let it happen either.

"May I say something?" I ask. I'm hopeful this will help with an opening for her to get some things off her mind.

Looking at me she nods, "Yes, go ahead." She sniffles.

Dr. W POV

I'm going to try to give this a boost in the right direction, trying to get her past missing her father right now. I know it's going to be hard but she needs to let go of some things and not keep herself locked up. I only hope this doesn't backfire.

Taking a deep breath, "Rhi, I want to be honest with you. When we saw your x-rays we were speechless. I can't speak for Susie or Rachel but I was shocked at the damage that was done over a period of time. I can only hope that it was isolated to your hand."

Rhi POV

I had a feeling this was going to happen at some point. Which is why I was afraid to see a doctor in the first place. One question leads to others and it's like a dam breaking from a tiny hairline crack; it doesn't stop until all the water is emptied.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and suddenly the dam bursts and I can't stop it. Everything just tumbles out.

"No. There are more. You just happen to have the honor of seeing the hand. Well, forearm too." I smile sadly. "The hand is just the tip of the iceberg."

When he doesn't say anything I continue. "To answer your unasked question, no, the injuries weren't done at the same time. They were done over a period of time, whenever I did, or didn't do, something. They happened to prevent me from escaping and seeking help." I pause, "Consider it a fucked up modern form of 'hobbling.'"

I watch his face to see if there's any hint of pity, I hate pity. I don't want someone to feel sorry for me, lord knows I do that enough on my own. Looking at him all I see is concern and maybe a little sadness.

I remember what triggered each injury. "The spiral fracture you saw on my radius? That's from trying to escape and being pulled back and locked up again." Do I really want to go into detail? I don't but why stop now?

I start off slow, intending to only explain the old hand injuries. "The fingers? The dislocated thumb, just for his sick pleasure. Some of the broken fingers? For using the phone, or opening a window, or trying to eat. The fracture to my ulna? That's from trying to get him to stop forcing me to eat when I had a fractured jaw. Countless bruises for talking, or not talking, depending on the situation. I was forced to sleep in a bed with broken ribs and a broken ankle when I was pushed down the stairs. I couldn't breathe and I was left there for weeks." I can't seem to stop the word-vomit that spews out and after a while, I'm numb.

The only sound audible is of me trying to catch my breath. He seems to be holding his. "You know, it's ok to breathe. I won't be much help performing CPR." I smile, trying to cut through the tension.

"Rhi…" He starts but I stop him, holding up my hand.

"Dr. W, wait. Let me do this. I NEED to do this. I feel comfortable with you to do this. Please."

Sighing, he simply nods.

"Thank you." I smile slightly. Staring at the Charlie, for some reason he soothes me, I continue. "There weren't any warning signs until it was too late. It's sad, actually, that no one saw anything enough to stop it. He was really good at hiding things. Kate, Ana and I were always close. For the first six months we would be able to go out and chat, you know, best friend things. Then, suddenly I had to cancel more frequently. That was when it started turning physical. It stemmed from jealousy. I wasn't paying enough attention to him, or too much attention to other people, specifically men. He didn't seem to grasp the concept that I was raised by men because my mother was a piece of shit." I stop, the memories come flooding back to me. "They weren't all from him though." I stop, focusing on the wall opposite of me, everything coming back to me with a crushing force I can barely breathe.

"Two years." I growl out, the anger growing inside. "Two years of putting up with physical, mental and emotional abuse. Almost two years of my life taken by someone who wanted to possess me. In the beginning it was all sunshine and roses. Then, little by little, my identity was striped from me and I was reduced to a worthless piece of shit. I wasn't good enough for anyone but him. No one else would want me because of damage that I made him do. It was my fault it happened. I was like a pet, only there for entertainment, and whatever he wanted he got it when he wanted it otherwise I would pay the price." Anger starts to rear its head and I struggle to keep the angry tears at bay. I'm so OVER crying because of the bastard!

I'm thankful that he doesn't say anything. He's just listening to me spew the venom that's been poisoning me slowly, causing everything good to decay. It's almost tangible.

"The first time, they apologize and swear it won't ever happen again. Because of the mental and emotional state you're already in, you're foolish enough to believe it, only for it to get worse. I was lucky." I let out a snort, "I'm a stubborn ass and have a temper that explodes when pushed too far. Apparently I'm a slow learner because it took six months of being treated like shit on the bottom of his shoe. The last six months I was trying to escape and get him out of my life. I waited for the opportunity to present itself and I took it." I'm not about to tell him how I got away from Jace. That's something that only Kate, Ana and I know.

I remember the conversations with Dr. Cameron in our sessions. It's not your fault. You didn't deserve it. You were helpless. You're stronger than that. You're stronger because of it. While that all be true it's still hard to accept it.

Turning my head to him, my voice hard, "Stalking is no joke. My temper is no joke when I have courage and I'm back to my 'normal' self. That's what triggered me to punch King Kong. I'm not letting anyone touch me again unless I want them to."

My thoughts travel to Alex and the day we met. God he was beautiful, he still is. He's been so good through all the bullshit he's seen me go through. Surprisingly, he's still here too.

After a few minutes of silence, Dr. W asks, "Where does Alex fit into this? Has he added and stress to the situation?" I'm sure it's hard for him to ask that question, considering he knows Alex. It's a fair question, and certainly one that should be asked, and deserves to be answered. Might as well fess up, considering all I've told him so far.

Taking a deep breath, I hesitantly answer. "I met Alex the day we got here, two days ago. He's been such a wonderful man. I really like him and he makes me happy. But…"

Dr. W pushes me to go on, "But what, Rhi?"

"I feel that I'm too damaged for him to be happy. I think I want to be with him but I'm afraid I'm not good enough." Tears form in my eyes and spill down my cheeks once again. What is up with the fucking tears? Ugh, I hate this! I reach for a Kleenex, once again, frustrated. "The thought of not being with him makes me sad but he deserves the best and I don't know if I can give him that. I'm so tired of hiding it from him. I'm tired of crying it seems that's all I've done since I got to Vegas. I want him to know who I am, why I'm a mess, so he can get to know the REAL me." I look at him, "Is that too much to ask?"

Dr. W POV

Wow. I'm at a loss for words. I had hoped she would open up but I didn't expect that. From the look on her face, neither did she. It's almost like she'd been waiting for the right time, and maybe person, to come along. Apparently, her broken hand was the catalyst that started it all.

I know there's no reason for me to apologize, after all I didn't cause it, but that's the first thing that comes out. "I'm sorry, Rhi. I'm sorry you had to experience all that pain." I smile, hoping it comforts her, a little bit anyway. She returns the smile with a sad one of her own.

"You're a bright and beautiful woman who is a lot stronger than people give you credit for. I admire your strength and courage to get out of a situation in 2 years. Some never do. Sometimes victims become so desperate to end their torment they either end it themselves or using the person causing it as the weapon." She seems to be too strong to allow that to happen. That stubborn streak is probably what saved her.

"I'm under the assumption that you've seen a therapist to help get you through this?" I would hope so. No one is that strong to get over something that traumatic without the help of a professional.

She nods, "Dr. Cameron. He's been very helpful with everything. And Ana and Kate." She smiles at me, "Though, sometimes it's necessary to have someone who's not directly involved to talk to either." Holding my gaze she continues, "Thank you, by the way, for listening. I wasn't expecting this but here we are."

"It also seems like Kate and Ana are pretty good therapists too. Or at least protection. I've noticed they're pretty protective of you. I'm happy to hear you're working with a professional too though." Now, how do I approach this next subject? With, what did she call it, kid gloves? "You mentioned your dad before and the way you spoke of him, I'm assuming he's passed away?" She simply nods. "I'm sorry to hear that. I assume you were close, considering what you said about your mother." She nods again. I can't help but feel sympathy for her, but I don't let it show. Poor thing.

"You know what? I believe that people, with whom we have special connections, stay with us forever, no matter what plane of existence. I'm sure your dad is with you all the time; supporting you and loving you."

I watch as she smiles, "Thank you. He is always with me. I talk to him often, though I'm sure some people might think I'm talking to myself." She chuckles, "I don't know, I've never been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I'm pretty sure it's him; I can feel him."

I laugh with her. "I'm pretty sure we all talk to ourselves often. I know I do. Feeling his presence does not mean you're talking to yourself OR that you have DID. It just means you're more open to things." I smile at her and wink.

"So, can you tell me the situation with Alex? Have you told him anything about your past?" I have to ask so I know what's going on in the present. She seems like she wants to talk so I'm going to see what I can do to help her.

She sighs, "Dr. W, it's been a mess since I met him. He's heard me say things no normal person would say. He's seen some of the things I do no normal person would do. He's seen me break down, he just found out today about me hitting that guy and why. I guess you could say he's seen the lingering effects from everything." She closes her eyes briefly and smiles, as if remembering something nice, and continues, "Though there have been really good times too. So, it's not all negative." A slight blush creeps up her neck, which makes me happy to hear there's something good. "He's been there for me this whole time. I told him this morning that I was surprised he was still here. His response shocked me."

Her silence has me curious, "What did he say?"

It takes her a minute before she answers, "That he's right where he wants to be."

I wish I could say I wasn't surprised but I am. Alex has never even thought about any woman in the future. He's always kept his distance to prevent intimacy being mistaken for feelings. He didn't want to lead anyone on. I know for a fact that he wanted to wait until he returned home to settle down. So him saying that he wants to be with her means something.

"Rhi, don't you see and hear what he's trying to tell you? Here you are, on vacation, and all he wants to do is spend time with you and make you happy. He knows you have a history, and that it's not a fairytale, but despite all that he wants to be with you." I'm a little firm in my tone, trying to get her to see what's right in front of her. "In my opinion, I think you should let him in a little so he has an idea of who you are. YOU may think you're too damaged but HE might not. Let him make the decision." I hate to say this next part but I think it needs to be said. "Otherwise, you're taking away his choice. Just like yours was." It takes a minute or two for it to sink in and I think it hit home when realization flows across her face.

When she looks at me, she says in a strong voice, "You're absolutely right. I know how it feels to have your choice taken away. The last thing I want to do is take away his choice. How do I tell him?"

I think about it for a minute and an idea comes to mind. "I have an idea but I'm not sure if it's a good one."

Curiosity shines brightly in her eyes, "What's your idea?"

"I'm not sure if it's too harsh but maybe have him in the room with you while we're casting your hand? We'll have your x-rays up so we can follow them while we're doing that. I'm sure he'll see them and a dialog will start from there. It's up to you how much you want to tell him." I wait to see her reaction before continuing, "Sure, it might be a startling way to do it but I think, based on what you've told me so far, he needs to know something. Otherwise, he's being kept in the dark. He needs to hear your fears of not being good enough."

I can see the wheels turning as she struggles to make her decision. Her brow wrinkles a little, her eyebrows pinching in the middle. I can see that it's a hard decision and I totally understand why. It's a big step. I also know it's kind of a harsh way to reveal something of this magnitude but it's a good place to start. Besides, Alex is a smart, tough and caring. He'll be ok with it.

After mulling it over in her head for a bit she finally answers. "If you think he'll be OK with it, and the way it's done, then I'm OK with doing that. Besides, I'd really like him in here while you're putting the cast on. Kate and Ana will drive me crazy. They're like a couple of mother hens on steroids." She laughs and I can't help but laugh with her. She does have a way of inserting laughter into any situation.

"OK good. I'd like to give you something for the pain before we get started. I can guarantee it's going to hurt like hell for a while. That is, if you're OK with something other than tequila?" I laugh and give her a wink.

She laughs too and nods, "Yes, I'll take something for the pain, in lieu of tequila. I'm also ready to tell him." It sounds like she's trying to convince herself but I'll take it. "Please make sure to you have the x-rays up."

I look at her for a moment. I'm in awe of her. "You're a commendable woman, Rhi. I'm honored to be able to treat your injury as well as being trusted enough to open up and allow me to help you. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for." I smile at her. I truly am impressed with her. "Do you feel better just talking and getting it out? Not keeping it locked inside anymore?" I certainly don't want her to feel worse about it.

Her face lights up in a beautiful smile. "Thank you for listening without judgement, allowing me to determine what I wanted to tell and sharing your insight. I feel much better. I'm nervous about Alex, but no matter what happens you helped me tremendously." She laughs, "I might just have to replace Dr. Cameron with you!" She continues to laugh and I soon join in.

I feel pretty good about how this turned out. "You're very welcome, Rhi. I'm glad I could help." I pause, "Now that that's done, let's get this show on the road, shall we? I'll go get Rachel and we'll get the x-rays set up and get your cast put on." I laugh and give her a wink. "I'll be giving you a shot, needle not glass, of something to numb the pain. We'll get Alex om a few minutes. I'll be right back." She nods and I walk out of the room with a smile on my face. I'm glad I was able to help her but I'm floored by the fact that she doesn't know how Alex feels about her.