Chapter 80

Regret

Christian POV

Standing in front of my glass wall drinking a glass of scotch, I look out at the city and my mind is racing. This is a fucking nightmare. I feel a presence behind me and hear a slight shift in the air.

"Jason, you saw the images of her hand. A hand that is so small it could be a child's." Turning around I look at him. "A CHILD'S, Jason. You saw how small it was."

"It doesn't though. They belong to a woman." He answers and I cringe. My heart feels like it's been stabbed with a knife.

"That doesn't make this any better, Jason. You saw how black it was. Regardless of age, a woman was injured because of me." He remains silent. I can see he's just as uncomfortable as I am about this whole situation.

"To top it off, Luke was the catalyst that caused the injury. If I hadn't sent him there in the first place it never would have happened." I stare at him. "What the hell happened to him? There's no logical explanation."

"Christian, I don't have an answer to that. I won't have one until I go out and see for myself." He replies. "No matter what the answer is I think he needs to see Flynn to see if he can figure it out. None of us are qualified to do that." He smiles slightly, "OK, maybe Ryan is but he's too involved in this."

I always forget how educated Ryan is. In all honesty he shouldn't even be working for me. He should be a licensed psychologist like Flynn. He should be helping people like Luke, not being a CPO. I'm glad I have him though.

"When they get back, I want Luke to make an appointment with Flynn. We need to know what happened with him." I may tell him this but I'm certain he already knows it. He's one of my top guys and even if I don't show it I actually do care about them. Their physical and mental health are important to me. They're the closest people I have as friends and lord knows they've been there for me through some horrible things.

"I'll make sure he does. I think it would be helpful in more ways than one." He replies, and with a grimace he continues, "He's going to need it to figure out what happened in addition to the guilt he's going to feel."

Fuck. "I never thought about that. You're right though. He's always been against any physical injuries to females." I pause. "I can only imagine how he's going to feel knowing he's the cause of hers."

Walking over to my desk where I left the bottle of scotch I pull out another glass. Filling both of them, I hand one to Jason. "Thank you." He says as he downs the amber liquid. I smile and refill his glass.

"You're welcome. It looks like you needed it." I reply.

Jason watches me as walk back to the window. "Where did this go wrong? It was supposed to be easy but it's become a nightmare." He doesn't respond because he doesn't need to. We both know the answer.

"I'll tell you where. This whole thing never should have happened. I never should have sent them there in the first place." Turning to look at him again I continue, "This is my fault because of my issues." I don't expect him to say anything so I'm surprised when he does.

"Christian, it's not just your fault. I'm just as much at fault as you are." He takes a drink before continuing. "I was following orders, even if I didn't agree with them." He watches me, silently, for my reaction.

I grimace and take a drink from my own glass. "I ordered you to do it."

He smirks, "I could have stopped you."

I smirk in return and raise my eyebrow. "Oh you think so?" We both chuckle.

"If I wasn't so controlling and obsessive and possessive and jealous it wouldn't have happened." I stop myself briefly by taking another drink. "If I didn't have so many insecurities it wouldn't have happened." That's hard to admit but it's true.

"Christian, having insecurities is normal. You're not the only one with them." He replies quietly. "You have every reason to have them."

That's a reality I hate to admit. Sometimes I forget Jason knows about my past. Luke, Ryan and Reynolds do too. They have to because they live here. I want Ana to be mine so bad and the only way I know how to do that is in a DOM/SUB relationship because that's all I know. I look at Elliot's relationship with Kate and I'm lost. I don't understand how relationships work.

"Jason, I wish Elliot would tell us what he knows. I don't understand why there's so much secrecy." I sigh, "I'm left in the dark and the only person that knows what's going on is my brother and he won't tell me anything. It's driving me crazy."

"Christian, you're not the only one who doesn't know what's going on. He hasn't said anything to me about it either. I know he wants to but he's made a promise to Kate and Ana that he won't." He responds.

I sigh and finish my drink. I fill my glass again and Jason nods. "It's admirable that he is trustworthy enough to keep secrets but it's frustrating too. Especially in situations like this."

"I agree. We can't force him to tell us what he knows. He's just as stubborn as you are." Jason smiles and takes a drink, "What he has told me is that we need to leave them alone and not contact them until they return home. I happen to agree with him at this point. We have more important matters to deal with than trying to solve the mystery of who she is."

"I know. I just have no patience." I mutter.

Jason laughs, "That's the understatement of the year."

"You know what's really pissed me off Jason? I have to wait for three days to even be able to talk to Ana. I've tried not to text, call or email to give her some space so she could research and make her decision about my proposition." I close my eyes and take a deep breath so I don't lose my temper. "She blatantly left and didn't tell me she was even leaving. She didn't tell me where she was going or when she would return. That's what pissed me off. She kept me in the dark and never mentioned anything at all." I finish my glass again. When was the last time I drank this much? I notice Jason's is empty too so I fill his again.

I see Jason sigh and prepare myself to hear something I'm not going to like. "Christian, you don't own her or control her. I have a feeling that even if you were in a contract with her you wouldn't. She's not that type of person to allow that to happen. She doesn't know or understand how that works."

I sigh, "I guess you're right. I can see her point of view. We're not in any kind of relationship where she would feel obligated to tell me. I can't force her to stay with me, no matter how much I want to." Reality suddenly hits me, "I should've left things alone but I panicked. All I could think about was her safety; what if something happened and she got hurt or worse?" I chuckle.

"What?" I hear Jason ask.

"I was just thinking how ironic it is. Ana didn't get hurt, the person who got hurt was a completely innocent woman who I don't even know because she was never mentioned. That doesn't matter now though. What matters is that she was hurt by Luke, one of my top guys, for no reason at all."

Jason and I stand there, looking at each other, lost in our own thoughts.

"Jason, I've got to come clean with Ana. She's smart. She might have figured it out by now, or at least have suspicions. I'm sure Kate would have some input on the matter." I roll my eyes. "She's annoying as hell but probably because I don't want Ana to focus on anything other than me."

Jason chuckles, "I'm sure Kate's got an opinion on the matter. Something tells me Ana already knows, she's just not saying anything. Unfortunately, you won't find out until she returns. Especially if she's talking to Kate about her relationship with Elliot."

It hits me, "Kate and Elliot have a different relationship that allows for freedoms. I don't. I can't give that to Ana but I can't let her go either." Fuck. "I have no idea what's going to happen when she gets back. All I know is that I'm the cause of this fiasco and now I need to face the consequences." I take another drink, "If I lose her, if Ana walks away, I'll can just get another sub but the problem is that I don't WANT anyone else. I want Ana."

Jason is listening but says nothing. "Jason, I need to fix this. I can't let her leave me. I need your help."

Surprised, Jason replies, "I don't know how much I can do but I'll help in any way I can."

I give him a smile, "Thank you. So, change of subject. Do you have any updates about what's happening with the guys there? Have there been any further situations with Luke?"

He gives me a rundown on what he and Ryan talked about and I'm pretty sure I won't get any additional information until Jason gets out there in the morning.

Pulling out his phone, Jason says, "I'm not sure if you've seen this yet. It's the most recent posting of Rhiann." He shows me his phone and I see the images of Rhiann and her guy friend.

"They certainly are popular, aren't they? I guess we'll just have to wait until tomorrow to see what happens." I don't know what to say so I don't. "Thank you Jason. I appreciate you listening to me. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. We should get some rest." I smirk, "Well, try to anyway."

"You're welcome. I know it will be hard but try not to overthink things. There's nothing you can do until they get back. I'll let you know if I hear anything. Goodnight Christian." He finishes his drink, turns around and leaves the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

When he leaves, I sigh and pick up my phone to search Instagram. God I hate social media. It doesn't take long to find the images I'm looking for. The images I'm looking for are everywhere. I scrutinize the two of them. They look happy despite the sling on her arm from an injury that should never have happened. The way he's looking at her, even I can tell he cares deeply for her. Then I notice there's something familiar about the way she's looking at him and touching his face. Ana does that to me. I inhale sharply, does that mean…?