Chapter 86

You're Eating What?

Part Two

Rhi POV

I don't want to have this conversation that Kate is dragging me into. She and Ana both know how I feel about eating yet they still make comments. I wish they would get off my back about it. I'm not anorexic, I just don't eat a lot. I eat when I need to and I know how much I need to depending on the situation. If I want to eat something that sounds good to me and not them, what does it matter? At least I'm eating. You would think they would be happy I'm even doing that. Between the eating and the drinking issues, they just can't seem to find a happy medium. Just fucking accept it and move on. I can't seem to fucking win.

I'm sure Alex has figured out they nag me about eating, but in a gentler way than some people. I'm not stupid or oblivious. I see him tense up or bristle and his eyes harden when it comes to me not eating when they think I should. I appreciate him not jumping on the 'nag Rhi about eating' bandwagon.

Fuck, I love them but come on, give me a fucking break on something. Bitch about one or the other but not both at the same time. Sometimes I drink because I'm tired of being nagged about eating. Unfortunately, I don't ever see the day coming that I eat because they're bitching about drinking. I'll probably just drink more.

I've got to get out of my head with these thoughts because all they do is irritate me. These are precisely the reasons why I need to get away from them sometimes. This is why I disappear at times. It's easier for me to focus on myself and do what I want to do, not what other people want me to do. I am in control and I have my freedom. Freedom that I refuse to let anyone take away from me again.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I continue to follow Kate to the bathroom. There are a lot of people in the restaurant and I'm pretty sure I've been 'found' because I feel dozens of eyes on me. No matter how awkward I feel, I still walk with my head high and confidence in my step. I'm going to let this play out and see what happens. I do wish I had my phone though, in case something happens, but I'm sure Kate has hers and I'm not alone so there shouldn't be a problem. I can handle myself and I'm not taking shit from anyone. I'm not weak, just a little fucked up.

We make it to the bathroom and luckily there isn't anyone in it. Kate takes advantage of the privacy. "Rhi, I apologize for making those comments about the food. I was trying to be funny but I ended up frustrating you and I can tell that it made you mad. I really am sorry. I shouldn't have done it." Worry shines in her eyes and a frown adorns her face. "I didn't mean to hurt you or make you mad."

I can tell she is sincere and I sigh. "Kate, I forgive you. I always will and you know that. Look, I know you meant well and I know you and Ana are concerned because I haven't eaten since last night but you've got to lay off making the comments about WHAT I eat when I DO eat." I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to calm myself to keep from lashing out at her. "You know I'm picky and that I like weird things. You also know that I physically can't eat a lot of things because I was sick. Yes, some things sound gross but I'm not asking YOU to eat them. Am I?"

Kate shakes her head. "No, you don't ask us to eat it."

"I don't ask you to eat them because I know they sound gross to other people." I pause before continuing, "Did you ever consider that things other people eat sound gross to me? Did you forget the smell issues I have with food? Did you forget all that?" I can't keep the irritation from my voice this time because I AM irritated.

Kate is silent and I can't tell what she's thinking. "Rhi, I can't apologize enough. Maybe I did forget or maybe I just didn't think before I spoke. Either way, I was wrong to have done it and I feel terrible about it."

I don't acknowledge her apology. Instead I say, "If it makes you feel any better I'm working on eating more of a variety of things and you have to admit that burger last night was a huge deal for me. I was actually able to tolerate it. To be honest, it really filled me up for the entire day. Not to mention the muffin I had this afternoon. I really am trying. Not for me but for you and Ana. I take that back. It's for me too. If it gets you guys off my back I'm more than willing to try. I don't want you to worry about that. Lord knows you worry enough about everything else." I sigh heavily. "I guess I should add Alex to that now too." I roll my eyes.

"Rhi, we care about you. We only want what's good for you. Sometimes we forget that not everyone eats the same. That doesn't mean we're forcing you to do something." Kate's tone is becoming more firm, like she's getting defensive.

Suddenly something sends up a red flag. "Please tell me you haven't said anything to him about it? That you're not pushing your frustration onto him? I can see his reaction when food is involved. Like this morning when I chose juice over pastries. Fuck, he reminds me of Christian and the way he is about Ana and her not eating like he does. Lucky for me Alex doesn't say anything to me about it. Yet." I'm sure that will be coming in the future.

Kate laughs, "Yeah, he's a bit over the top isn't he? I'm so glad Elliot isn't like that."

I laugh, "Elliot is amazing and doesn't focus on things that aren't important." I smile, "That's one of the reasons he and I get along so well."

"Rhi, eating is important." She sighs.

"Kate, not everyone eats three squares and snacks in between. I eat what I can when I can and I'm not starving myself. Please stop thinking that I'm neglecting myself because I'm not." Why won't she listen to what I'm saying right now? Before she gets a chance to respond I add, "I don't know if this has gotten to me because of all the stress and tension since we've been here or what but for some reason it did. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad but please try to lay off with the comments about food. Please."

I walk up to her and give her a hug. "Thank you for caring so much. I appreciate it." I pull back and smile at her. "Now, let's get back to the table. I really want a drink of my margarita."

She smiles, "That sounds like a plan. I do have one question though."

I roll my eyes, "What is your question?" I'm not prepared for the question she asks.

She asks, "Since when is lettuce, cottage cheese and grapes a meal?"

I laugh. "It's actually really good. Cottage cheese is a staple in my diet. It's good on lettuce and the grapes add a sweetness. You should try it some time." Instead of bitching about my food, why don't you try some of the things? "You tried, and LIKED, my burger with sour cream combination." I smirk.

She nods, "Yeah, it was good, but I'm not a fan of cottage cheese. Maybe it's the texture?" She shrugs and continues, "Maybe I'll try it when we get home."

"I'll hold you to that." I smile, "Now, let's go back and have a drink."

Nodding in agreement, she adds, "I think we need a shot too."

We exit the bathroom and something strikes me, "We really need to quit having these conversations in public bathrooms." We both laugh and head back to the table.