Chapter 102

Screaming in the Night

Alex POV

"Come on baby, let's get you dressed and ready for bed." I need to ask the question but I don't want to irritate her. I know when people don't feel well they get grouchy and she seems to have mood swings, in general, like no one else I've ever known. "How is your hand? Do you have any feeling yet?" I scan her face for any sign of discomfort.

I'm surprised when she actually answers without an attitude. "It doesn't have that heavy numb feeling anymore so I'm assuming the block is still working but wearing off. I'm not feeling a lot of pain right now though." She kind of shrugs, "Maybe it's because of the pain pill or that combined with the nerve block still lingering, I don't know. I still can't move it on my own though."

I don't want to get into it with her again so I accept her answer and move on to getting her dressed. I bend down and put her panties and shorts on and pull them up her thighs but I need her to stand up to pull them all the way up.

"Are you ok to stand up?" I'm so glad she's alert for this, though she looks like she could drop from exhaustion any minute.

She nods, "I think so."

Placing her hands on my shoulders, I help her stand up. She's a little wobbly so I make quick work of pulling them up. Sitting her back down, I pull the cami over her head and wrangle her arms through the straps, trying not to hurt her in the process. It feels a lot like dressing my four-year old nephew. I don't dare say that out loud, I'm sure she wouldn't find that as amusing as I do.

"There. All done and ready for bed." I smile and give her a wink.

With her dressed, we just need pillows and a blanket. I want to hold her in my arms as much as I can, no matter where we sleep. Hell, if she wanted to sleep on the floor I would. I want to protect her, take care of her, and soothe her. If she'll let me.

"Do you know if there are any extra blankets somewhere around here or do we need to take one off the bed?" I ask. I'm assuming that with a room like this there's got to be an extra one somewhere.

She shrugs awkwardly, "No idea. We can just take one off the bed. It doesn't get much use anyway."

"Touche." I chuckle.

She looks like she will fall asleep on her feet if I don't hurry to get her to the couch. "Can you walk or do you want me to carry you to the couch?"

I watch as she thinks about it for a minute, "I need to use the bathroom first. I'll try to walk there first." Smiling, she holds out her hand, "Will you help me in case I lose balance?"

I smile back at her, "It will be my pleasure." Standing up, I take her hand and together we walk to the bathroom. I help her to the toilet and wait outside for her in case she needs help. I'm happy she asked for help this time. If only things were this easy all the time.

She finishes up and we slowly make our way to the couch in the main room by the window. I'm expecting to see Ana and Kate but they are nowhere to be seen and it's quiet. They must have gone to bed already. "Sit here and I'll go grab pillows and blankets."

She sits down on the shorter end of the couch and I turn and head back to the room to pull the blanket and pillows off the bed. I decide to take all of the pillows because I know we'll need them. Some for her head and some to elevate her hand. When I come back she's laying down on the couch with her eyes closed.

"Rhi. I need you to stand up so we can get the couch and everything made up." She opens her eyes and mumbles something unintelligible and I can't help but laugh.

Raising her up into a sitting position, I place two pillows on the arm rest and lay her back down, pulling her feet up onto the couch. After covering her with a blanket, I put another pillow underneath her hand for support.

She's sound asleep, which is good because she definitely needs the rest. I think she pushes herself too much, almost as an escape from her mind. She's always going, going, going. She's never still and quiet, for long anyway.

I wish we could sleep in the bed but I know she can't, I don't understand why, but she needs her rest and at this point I'm willing to give in to her just so she sleeps. At least the couch is comfortable. After all, one side is big enough for me to fit on it without my feet hanging off. She doesn't ever have to worry about something like that. She's so tiny that she could sleep anywhere.

Making sure the door is locked, I turn off all the lights except for the one over the bar so there's some light if needed. Placing pillows on the arm rest on the other end of the couch, I lay down, cover myself with the blanket and stretch out, trying to avoid hitting her with my feet.

This is not how I envisioned us sleeping, but she needs her rest and I don't want to disturb her any more than I need to. She's so peaceful when she sleeps. I don't get to see her like this often. She has no stress, no worries, no troubles, just peace. Hopefully, the pain meds will keep her from having any pain tonight, but I'm sure in a couple of hours she will be waking up to some sort of pain. I fall into a light sleep, with Rhi on my mind, so I can hear her if she wakes and needs something.

My sleep is plagued with dreams of a little girl being assaulted, tears streaming down her face. She's struggling against strong arms while a wicked cackle echoes throughout the room. Her fear is palpable and the look on her face is full of pure terror. I watch as a heavy boot swings back and connects with her abdomen. When it connects, the scream she lets out is unlike anything I've ever heard before.

I'm jolted out of my nightmare to a similar scream. It sounds like an animal that's in pain. I'm disoriented and unsure where it's coming from. It takes me a few minutes to realize where I am and then it hits me. The animal in pain is Rhi.

Jumping up, I quickly rush to her side. She's awake and has tears in her eyes. "Baby? Are you OK? Does your hand hurt?" Stupid question, I know, but it's a natural reaction. "Hang on. I'll go get you some water and your pills." She looks at me with wide eyes and just nods. God she looks terrified.

I rush to get her pills and two bottles of water and almost run back to the couch. She's laying there, just as I left her, and looks so sad and scared. Kneeling down to her level, I hand her the pill and open the bottle of water. "Here. Take this." She seems desperate to take the pill and almost swallows it dry.

"It hurts." She cries. "Make it stop."

I feel terrible for her. I wish I could take away the pain because I hate to see her like this, but there's nothing I can do. I read the pill bottle to see how often she can take them. "Baby, you can take one of these every four hours. I'm going to set an alarm so you can keep ahead of the pain. Hopefully."

I hope this one kicks in quickly because she's definitely hurting. I can't help but think that for someone who's so used to pain and is stubborn about treatment, she's in an immense amount of pain and awfully scared. I mean, after everything I saw on her x-rays you would think this wouldn't bother her as much as it is right now. Maybe it's because those breaks didn't happen all at the same time? I'm not sure how that works.

After giving her the bottle of water and her meds, I stand up, "The pain meds will kick in soon and you won't feel anything for a while." Leaning down, I kiss her forehead. "Try to rest now, if you can, and try to keep your hand still. I'll be right here if you need me. I'm not falling asleep until you do." I'm trying to reassure her that she won't be left alone so she doesn't worry. She doesn't say anything but takes a deep breath and struggles to get up. "Rhi, please stop and stay still. You won't hurt as bad if you don't move." I urge her gently.

She looks at me, her eyes pleading, "I want to lay with you. Please come lay with me."

This is interesting. My heart clenches a little. Getting up, I walk over to her side of the couch. "I've got to move you to make room. Can you handle that?" I ask her, knowing that her hand is going to need to be moved and I want to make sure she can handle that pain.

She nods quickly and assures me she can. "Yes, I'll be OK."

I think about it for a minute, then ask, "Can you stand up? It would be a lot easier and faster to get comfortable."

Looking back at me, she seems unsure but finally responds, "I think so."

Helping her stand up, I lay down on the couch with the pillows behind my back and guide her to sit between my legs, leaning up against me. In this position, I'm able to cover us with the blanket and place a pillow under her hand for support and stability.

Wrapping my arms around her, she snuggles unto me. "Are you OK baby?" I ask, hoping that I didn't hurt her in the process of moving her.

She nods and whispers, "I'll be OK. Now that I'm with you."

I can hear the pain and emotion in her voice and move my head to the side so I can see her face. Grasping her chin, I turn her face to mine and see tears in her eyes that have spilled over and are running down her cheeks. "Baby, I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm doing whatever I can to help but it's just a waiting game for the pain meds to kick in." I pause for a moment then ask, "How long do you think it took the last one?"

She's quiet for a minute or two. "I'm not sure if it was before or during the shower. So maybe roughly thirty minutes?"

Leaning down, I kiss her head. "How is your hand feeling if you don't move it?" I ask.

"I guess it's OK? It hurts, but it hurts more when I try to move it." She smiles. "I just won't move it." She pauses again before admitting, "This is way worse than I imagined it would be. All my other broken bones didn't feel this bad." As an after-thought she adds, "Then again, I didn't have more than one reset at the same time."

I cringe, I wish I didn't have to hear her say anything like that ever again. It's heartbreaking and no female should ever have to say such a thing. Ever. I don't have any words after that so I remain silent.

"Thank you." She whispers.

I'm silent for a moment longer, unsure what she's thanking me for. "What for?"

She responds almost immediately. "For being here." There is a period of silence and I start to think that she fell asleep but I hear her whisper, "I'm sorry."

I'm confused. "What are you apologizing for?"

All of a sudden she unloads some sort of mental list that she's somehow able to keep track of in her head. "For not listening to you, disregarding your feelings, worrying you and hurting you. She pauses to take a breath. "For hiding my past, injuries and issues and everything. For not letting you in so you can get to know who I really am. For not giving you the information you need to make your own decision if I'm too fucked up for you and hiding because I'm scared of the outcome." I can hear the tremble in her voice when she continues, "For not trying hard enough to make you happy. For being scared about how fast this is going and not being strong enough. For just… everything I've either done or not done. You deserve better than that." She finishes up in a whisper, "You deserve someone perfect."

Wow. It's a good thing she can't see my face right now because I'm totally in shock from what she just said. She laid it all out like a checklist to make sure she didn't forget anything, kind of like a shopping list.

I have no idea how to even respond to that. It would take hours to cover everything and I can't just say 'I forgive you' because there is a huge span of different subjects. I feel that if I address it individually we will be able decide if a relationship, with her in Seattle and me here, is even a possibility. How do I feel about it at this moment? I'd still like to try but we still need to talk through things. Besides, she just took a pain pill and could fall asleep at any moment. She crashes out fast enough as it is, let alone with pain meds. I suspect the reason she crashes so quickly is because she's exhausted from running to escape her mind.

"Let's worry about all that tomorrow, when you won't fall asleep because of the pain meds. That's a lot to address and it would take hours to go through everything. Is that OK?" I ask, hoping she's OK with waiting.

She sighs, "I just wanted you to know I'm sorry for everything. I wanted to do it now before I lost my courage." She wraps her left arm around mine and turns her head to the side, laying her cheek on my chest.

I feel her tears dropping onto my chest and I'm lost as to what I should do. I can't just move her to make her look at me, I might hurt her, so I have to rely on trusting that she's listening. "Baby, please don't cry. There's a lot of stuff we need to talk about and I would rather do it when we're both awake and alert." I say, trying to sooth her. "Yes, you will still have pain meds in your system but at least you will be more rested. I'm tired and you're tired and we need to focus on you getting better first. All that stuff can wait, even if it's not tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere." She's quiet and I can't tell if she's awake or if she finally fell asleep. "Rhi? Are you awake?"

She moves slightly and tries to turn her face to look up at me. "Yes, I'm awake. I'm OK with waiting. You're right, we need to rest. We're both tired and I'm starting to feel a little sleepy from the pain meds already. I'd hate to fall asleep on you in the middle of an important conversation." She smiles, "You're too good to me. I don't deserve you."

We sit in silence for a few minutes and again, I can't tell if she's asleep yet or not, but I know I'm ready to crash. "Baby. How's your hand? Does it still hurt?"

She mumbles something that sounds like 'S'all gone' and I think she's falling asleep finally.

"That's good. Let's get some sleep." I feel her head slightly nod, her breathing slows, she sighs and whispers something I can't make out.

Wrapping my arms around her a little tighter, kiss the top of her head and drift into a peaceful sleep.