Jewel then put on the video
[Within Prison Island, several metal doors are closing shut throughout the base while an alarm blares loudly.]
Man (intercom): There is a man trying to break into this place. Lock him in so he'll starve. This is the most logical course of action.
"How is that the most logical action?" Lanolin said befuddle
[Eggman bursts through the door with his Eggwalker.]
Eggman: Did you see that hot JPEG footage that was just-
[Eggman fires shots at another metal door.]
"And looks like we will be seeing more of mister Glitch here." Tangle said while stretching
Eggman: Ooh-hoo-hoo baby. I'm gonna blow the walls off o' this place! Goin' uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!
[Eggman goes down, and the cast bursts into a fit of laughter.]
The group also ends up chuckling at that
"Going down!" Sonic says
["Sonic Generations' City Escape Act 1" plays over the SnapCube's Real-Time Fandub intro.]
[Cut to gameplay of Eggman traversing (and being tortured by) Iron Gate and its robots.]
Eggman: It's been seventeen days. I'm still tryin' to get out of here!
"How did he survive that long!?" Jewel said in shock
"Seventeen days stuck inside a building with nothing but robots trying to kill you sound like a horrible form of torture." Cream said
[The cast laughs]
Robots: Please. Stop. Ouch. Ouch.
Eggman: Oh my god. If you say "please stop" one more time, I'm going to piss my own ass.
"I heard it once and it's already annoying." Surge said while rubbing her ears
"Situation fully analyzed. Being stuck in that building sounds like a great time for me to test out my weapons of mass destruction." Omega said
Robots: Please. Stop. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
Eggman: Get out of my way! ARRRRGHH! (heavy breathing) Day 58.
"That's almost two whole months! How is he not dead!?" Silver said in shock
"Eggman is a tough one to crack, him being able to survive that long without food or water isn't actually that crazy." Sonic said rubbing the back of his head
"It almost makes you think he's some kind of robot." Tails said
The group thought about that for a second before throwing the idea away. Eggman being actually a robot this whole time? That would be crazy.
Robots: Please. Stop. Ouch. Ouch.
Eggman: The robots are becoming more sentient. They've started to know my name! They don't even say-
Robots: Please stop, Ivo.
"That is actually scary…" Cream said while Cheese landed on her head
Eggman: Whuh... How did you know my middle name?!
Robots: I remember everything.
Eggman: Three years. I've been in here for three years!
"Okay, now even I am starting to get impressed by this Eggman's resilience. How did he survive three years without food or water!?" Sonic said in shock
"I don't care, his screams are hilarious!" Surge said, laughing at how that Eggman sounded. It was for sure a lot more fun to hear this one babble on than the original one, even though she never actually heard much from him…
Robots: Please. Stop. Your mother would be very disappointed.
That line got Belle thinking a little bit about who Eggman's parents could be
Eggman: AAAAAAAAAAAA! Get out of my way! Everyone move! Get out of the way, I need to get through!
They begin laughing at the sheer absurdity of how Eggman sounded. They thought that Alfred did an amazing job as Eggman
Robots: Remember fifth grade, Robotnik.
Eggman: Level 5! No... [The sound of Eggman's titties hitting the bars on his Minecraft jail cell] Let me out! Ohh, I gotta get outta here…
They laugh even more at that, even Shadow starts to get a small smirk
[Dr. Eggman reaches the Level 7 security door.]
Eggman: (heavy breathing) Level 7... The luckiest number... (more heavy breathing, mixed with relieved chuckles) Is that a module? (chuckles) The door opened!
"He sounds so relieved." Espio shook his head while smiling
[The door opens and he enters a room with a computer inside.]
Eggman: (chuckles) I can finally leave! Martha, I'm coming home, sweetie!
"So his wife is named Martha…" Belle noted that information, maybe she can find her possible mom thanks to these videos
Eggman: Oooooh, I can't wait to see her beautiful face! Let me check her Twitter page on my holographics.
"After three years, the first thing he does when he is finally able to leave that building, is check twitter." Sonic smirked
"I've heard it has now been turned into 'X', so should we still call it that?" Tails asked
"I'm still calling it that." Sonic answered
Eggman: Mm... Hm... Mmmm forgot my password account... mmmm, don't wanna log into the NSFW one, mmm... let me just... (he types on the keyboard) E-G-G.
"That actually makes sense…" Whisper sighed
[Twitter doesn't accept Eggman's password and plays a buzzer sound.]
Eggman: Aw, that didn't work. Shit. Now I have to log in with my... diamond.
Lanolin was about to correct him
Eggman: Well, emerald, but it looks like a diamond.
But she then heard the dub correct itself
"Hmm. Well, it does look a little like a diamond." Lanolin shrugged
"And that's what makes them so beautiful!" Rouge said
Eggman: I see how it is. Alright, unlocking secret account. In 5... 4... 3... 2-
[Eggman's password is rejected again, a buzzer is heard a second time.]
"Well, it has been three years so it makes sense he forgot his password." Tangle said
"Like that time you forgot the password for your computer and had to call me for help?" Jewel asked her
"It had been a long time since I last used it!"
"You had only been away for a day at that time…"
"I'm not good at remembering that type of stuff!" Tangle pouted, making Jewel giggle
Eggman: I'm fucking PISSED OFF, IT DIDN'T UNLOCK! It's okay though, 'cause the secret is unlocking. Oooooh, aaaaaaah.
[A pillar is raised and Shadow the Hedgehog appears in the frame as he is standing on it.]
Shadow hummed, curious to see how he would be portrayed in this one
Shadow: And so, birthed from the critical pillar, and from- uh, Robotnik's Twitter account... I'm Hot Topic.
Eggman: (maniacal laugh) Who is this red striped mohawk- why you got hot sauce on yo' head, cuz? What's wrong?
"It does look like hot sauce." Rouge said with a smirk, making Shadow glance at her for a moment
"Maybe that's what Hot Topic is! It's a brand of hot sauce!" Tangle suggested
"I suppose it would make sense considering Shadow's, as they put it, 'hot sauce colored quils'." Blaze said
"Well, case closed about that!" Vector crossed his arms
Shadow now blinked, he didn't think his stripes looked like hot sauce…
Shadow: I put hot sauce on everything, from Twinkies to milk. It's what I do, as the ultimate lifeform.
Shadow thought a little about it, and shrugged, as the Ultimate Lifeform he could for sure deal with some hot sauce in his food without an issue
Eggman: Well honey, your mascara's on fleek. We gotta get the fuck out of here though, because, uh, the building's gonna explode. RED STRIPES? JET BOOTS?! OH MY GOD.
Shadow: Don't worry, I can fly. This won't be brought up ever again.
"I should use that more often." Shadow hummed
"Well, you can teleport and most times I'm the one who helps you with flight, so I guess most times that function isn't really useful." Rouge shrugged
"I supposed you're correct." Shadow said. It was true, Chaos Control and Rouge herself normally take care of the added mobility he would need most of the time
[Cut to a fight between Shadow and B-3x Hot Shot.]
B-3x Hot Shot: I heard that you like the hot sauce. I'm going to blast you out of this dimension.
"Ooh, another boss fight!" Tangle said excited
"And check it out, this time they are playing as Shadow." Sonic said
Shadow: Well I'll eat you right up, baby. (slurping)
"Shadow, as a machine I must say that you should not eat me." Omega said
"I wasn't planning on it." Shadow sighed
"Good. Because I would use my annihilation protocol on you if you tried." Omega finished
Shadow simply have him a glance and then rolled his eyes with a small smirk on his face
"Noted."
B-3x Hot Shot: I am the red hot sauce, there's no-one who's allowed to eat me. I'm going to have to destroy you immediately, unless you give me the password and your social security number.
Shadow: The password is "eat my asshole".
"Ha! Nice one!" Surge yelled
B-3x Hot Shot: Awwwwwwww, that's not an actual passwooooooooord...
Shadow: And my social security is 69.
"How classy…" Amy and Vanilla said
[The cast starts laughing.]
Hayley: Nice.
"Nice." Surge said at the same time as Hayley
Eggman: Wow! I'm gonna have to use that to get into your social security accoooooount. Shadow the Hedgehog, please join me by my side and we shall, uh, rule the Earth together, ho-ha-ha! You can stand by me, Doctor Eggman, even though my body used to be a regular shape.
"Did it? I always remember him being egg-shaped since I was little." Sonic thought about it, then shrugged
[Shadow creates an eerie and chilling silence between every sentence.]
Shadow: Yeah? Well, no. You're fat.
"Wow." Rouge smirked "Just because of that?"
"Good enough reason for me to not need to be near the Doctor." Shadow shrugged
Meanwhile the more immature members of the group let out a cackle
"That was mean…" Cream said
Shadow: Lol. Get rekt, you fat scrub man. I'm gonna go fuck your wife now.
Everyone blinked surprised
Eggman: What?! You are not allowed to fuck my wife! (Shadow exits the frame) Shadow, come back here right now! Shadow! What the fuck?!
"There's no way he actually went and did that." Lanolin said
[Cut to black. Cast bursts into a fit of laughter. Within his Pyramid Base, Eggman enters, now without his Eggwalker.]
Eggman: You didn't think I had legs, did ya? I'm like Gru, except I'm the one before Gru. I'm... Egg-gru. Uwa, gottem!
[Eggman approaches his computer.]
Eggman: Now, to try to log onto my Twitter account once more... Let's see if this computer works. (deep exhale, inhale) E...-G-G.
Computer: (machine humming) Welcome to .
"Oh, so it works this time." Tangle blinked surprised
Eggman: (gasp) Martha... What have you been tweeting about...? (a beat) What the fuck?! Is that Shadow's DICK!?
"SAWDUST!" Belle widened her eyes in shock and fell off her seat
"H-he… He actually did it…" Lanolin gaped
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA! NICE ONE! I HAVE SOME NEWFOUND RESPECT FOR DUB SHADOW!" Surge laughed out loud
More members of the group ended up laughing at that along with Surge, with Espio giving Vector a look. The croc knows why he received that look and blushed and turned away
While Shadow, he looked absolutely shocked at what had just transpired
"Well well well, so you're into older women, huh?" Rouge teased
"Could you not?" Shadow frowned at her
[Cast laughs.]
Eggman: WHHHHHA-
[On Eggman's computer, live news footage can be seen of Shadow at the top of a bridge (resembling San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge) in Central City. He addresses Eggman through the broadcast.]
Shadow: (through computer audio) I fucked your wife!
"And he even boasts about it!" Surge ended up laughing even more
Eggman: (in shocked disgust) Wh... Wha.. Owwah...!
Shadow: (through computer audio) Now if you'll excuse me, I've got more ladies to go bed with. Isn't that right, Dr. Ivo Robotnik?
Rouge ended up busting out laughing at that
"That was good!" Rouge said mid laughs
Now everyone, bar Shadow, started to laugh at how absurd all of this was. Making them have to take a small pause before they continued the video
"Is everyone okay now?" Jewel asked, still recovering herself
"Y-yes!" Tangle said while panting
"Holy… My chest hurts… That was so damn funny!" Surge said while putting a hand on her chest
"Are you okay, Surge? Should I go get you something?" Kit asked
"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about it." Surge said
Eggman: What in the SAM HILL is THIS?
[Cut to Shadow standing on top of a bridge on Radical Highway, surrounded by police cars.]
Shadow: I fucked your wife. Now, there's some other-
Penny: (rapping) Whoop whoop, that's the sound of the police! Whoop whoop, that's the sound that I need!
"That's random…" Belle blinked
Shadow: That rap... it reminds me of her...
[Penny's voice fades into "Sound of da Police" by KRS-One, which plays in the background. The scene changes to a flashback of Shadow and Maria aboard the Space Colony ARK.]
Shadow frowned seeing that, he really didn't want to have this scene messed with
Shadow: Maria!
Maria: This is me. Hey, Shadow. Bye Shadow.
"That's Maria…" Sonic said, not sure how to react to all of that
Shadow: No! I-
Maria: I'm gonna kill you now.
Shadow's frown got bigger
Shadow: I promise I didn't fart! You don't need to contain it!
Maria: It smells so bad.
Charmy was having to hold back his laughter
Shadow: That's just you!
Maria: It smells like garbage... covered in fire.
Shadow: But Maria, you smelt it! Therefore, you are the one who dealt it! You absolute thot!
Shadow growled at what dub Shadow said, making Rouge look at him and pat his back
[Alfred laughs, as the scene cuts back to the present.]
Shadow: I can't believe it... she betrayed me.
"So even that's changed in this…" Shadow did not like it
[Cut to the end of City Escape, with Shadow, standing on top of a defeated F-6t Big Foot, confronting Sonic.]
Sonic: Hey, that's...
Shadow: That blue hedgehog again, of all places! [breaks into a chuckle]
"And we're back here!" Tangle said, trying to get Shadow to focus on the funny
[Cast members laugh.]
Shadow: Finally, I have the weed crystal. The weed diamond. The weed-
"Emerald." This type Lanolin managed to do her correcting
Sonic: Hey! Give that! That looks really scrumptious!
"What is it with dub you and eating the Chaos Emeralds?" Tails asked
"I don't know, I guess he just has an appetite for gems." Sonic said, Rouge's ear rose up hearing that
"As long as he doesn't try to eat the Master Emerald." Knuckles said
[Beat]
Shadow: No.
[The music stops. More laughter from the cast.]
The group let out a small laugh too
"Just 'no'." Rouge chuckled
Sonic: Please? What if I say pretty please with a cherry on top, covered in a banana sundae? How 'bout THAT?
"That does sound like something annoying you'd say." Surge said
"Agree." Shadow said
"Heh, maybe I will say it." Sonic smirked making those two glance at him
[Hysterical laughter from Alfred.]
Shadow: Za... WARUDO! Aaaaaaaaah! (he farts) See ya, nerd.
Shadow deadpanned at that
Sonic: Huuh? Huh? Za Warudo? More like Za Waru-dumb.
"Ha!" Charmy laughed
Sonic: This guy's a real knucklehead! Unlike my friend Knuckles.
"What?" Knuckles blinked confused
Shadow: I'm here to show you what Ninten-can-do, and what Za Waru-DON'T!
[The JoJo's Bizarre Adventure sound effect for Za Warudo plays.]
Sonic: That doesn't even make any sense.
"That doesn't even make any sense." Belle said at the same time
[Rouge the Bat is at Eggman's Pyramid Base. Gary Jules' cover of "Mad World" by Tears for Fears starts playing in the background.]
Rouge: Huh. (gasp) His Twitter account. Heh, interesting. Let's see... E-G-G.
Computer: Welcome to .
Rouge: Well, that was easy!
"Well, that was easy!" Rouge smirked and said that at the same time as her dub self
Eggman: (singing to the tune of Gary Jules' cover of "Mad World" by Tears for Fears) All around me are familiar Eggmans [Penny laughs.] Worn out Eggmans / worn out Eggma-a-ans... / Bright and-
"Damn, I've never seen the egghead that sad before." Sonic said
"Well, Shadow did have his way with his wife so it makes sense." Tails shrugged
"The fact he has a wife is still weird to me." Sonic said
[Gameplay of Eggman in Lost Colony commences, much to Eggman's dismay. He stops singing.]
Eggman: I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN!
The group burst out laughing at that
"NO WAY!" Surge was laughing the hardest between them
Eggman: (more laughter) OHHH MY GOD, I'M SO SICK!
Robots: Please stop. Ouch.
"Even the robots are back!" Sonic cackled
Eggman: Ohhh no, they KNOW, NOT AGAIN!
Robots: Please stop. Ouch ouch.
[Cut to Shadow in the Eclipse Cannon's control room.]
Shadow: Well. I've learned so much from his Twitter... I guess there's only one thing to do now.
Eggman: I told you not to FUCK MY WIFE.
"And the confrontation begins!" Tangle said
Shadow: And I did anyway. Whatchu gon' do, binch?
"Ooh, you sure got him there, Shadow." Sonic said, Shadow had a small smirk
Shadow: As you can see, Twitter went through a bunch of updates. This one is the one that makes me go away from yo bitch ass.
"Nice!" Surge smirked, she was so using that
Eggman: I'm going to kill you... (awkward pause) and THEN kill you again.
"Wow, real threatening." Sonic said sarcastically
[Snickers and laughs from the cast.]
Shadow: Anyway, now that I have this emerald, I'm gonna... put it RIGHT in there!
Computer: DRAMA DETECTED. BLOCKING ACCOUNT.
Eggman: MY FOLLOWER BASE!
"NOT HIS FOLLOWERS!" Tangle yelled dramatically
Shadow: And yet they still can't figure out how to get Nazis off their site.
Eggman: You son of a bitch. I'm gonna log into your Twitter and I'm gonna tell everyone what you said.
Shadow: Go ahead. I have 50 alternate accounts.
"You really put him in checkmate." Rouge smirked
Shadow: My finger's right on top of the delete button, Eggman. What are you gonna do to stop me, with your long, toothpick legs?
Eggman: (maniacal chuckle) You fool! I have SEVENTY ALTERNATIVE ACCOUNTS!
"No way!" Charmy and Cream yelled at the same time
Everyone else ended up laughing at that
[laughter from Penny]
Eggman: YOU WILL NEVER KNOW MY MAIN!
Shadow: Are you referring to "eggfucker1", "eggfucker2", "eggfucker3"-
"He even knows the alts." Rouge said
Rouge: Hey bitches, what's up?
"And now I'm here." Rouge smiled
Rouge: Eggman, I found your weed supply through your Twitter account. Thanks, man.
Eggman: I told you I have alternatives!
Rouge: Anyway I also saw that, uh, this.. this guy over here fucked your wife. That's pre- that sucks a lot, dude. Must be, uh, pretty uh, shaken up about that.
Eggman: How do you think I feel being cucked by a HEDGEHOG?!
"I guess you are pretty shaken up about that." Rouge smirked
Rouge: Well, it might upset you to know that I ALSO fucked your wife.
"What!?" Amy yelled in shock before she began to laugh
Eggman: And she had a DIAMOND in her VAGINA?
Everyone laughed even more, some of them even falling from their seats
"It's… i-its an e-emerald!" Lanolin corrected mid laughter
(more and more laughter)
Shadow: Good job.
"Good job." Shadow said at the same time
[Cut to Eggman, Shadow, and Rouge meeting up in Green Forest. As Eggman speaks, the camera inexplicably dollies towards his face.]
Eggman: Alright, since "team FurAffinity" fucked my wife, I'm going to have to have you both be a part of my team. Why is the camera zooming in!?
"Why is the camera zooming in?" Belle asked
Rouge: I mean I guess that's fine, as long as I get my weed back, I don't really care.
"If 'weed' in there is the emeralds then I agree." Rouge smirked
Shadow: I don't have a character motive.
Shadow hummed
Eggman: Listen. We're going to explore this island. You're going to find Sonic. He has all the weed that you need. The ganja, that Mary Jane. Mari-jamij. All in his pockets. He is your local drug dealer, and I'm going to BLOW UP THE ISLAND. Now go look for Sonic. And hurry up, you... fucking... (music stops) cuckhogs.
"He sounds so angry." Cream said
[Cut to Shadow near Prison Island on a G.U.N. battleship. Shadow is enjoying himself with the view of the sea, but Amy runs up to hug him from behind, thinking that he is Sonic.]
Shadow: Ah, summer break. A time for leisure-
Amy: A time for rela- oh... wha- wha- a man~! Hi there, big boy! What are you doing on this little ol' aircraft- (screams, noticing Eggman)
Amy looks down embarrassed
"I'm not a pervert to be acting like that…"
Eggman: Oh, Amy- Amy, what are you doing here?
Amy: Uh... Nothing! I... was... GOODBYE! (she runs away)
Eggman: Get outta here, you thot ass bitch, you still owe me a hundred dollars! Anyway! We need to go.
"Owing Eggman must be a complete nightmare!" Tails said
"What did he call me!?" Amy yelled in shock
Amy: Should I jump...? Yes.
Eggman: Yeah you're gonna jump, bitch, walk the plank. Yeah, yar har, me- wha-?
[Tails in his Tornado Cyclone lands from above in between Eggman and Amy.]
Amy: Mom?
Tails: Hey, Eggman! Hey, Amy!
Amy: Are you my mom?
Tails: No? (music stops) What... the fuck?
"Why is dub me like that!?" Amy hid her face on her hands
Shadow: Eggman.
Eggman: (over walkie-talkie) Shadow! Have you found that goddamn blue marble motherfuckin' son of a bitch?!
"This Eggman is a lot more vulgar than the normal one." Belle said
Shadow: I'm gonna change frequency to your wife.
"Ha!" Surge cackled and Shadow smirked
[Flash back to a memory of him and Maria as she is ejecting him from the Space Colony ARK.]
Maria: (grunts) It smells so bad…
And then his smirk was immediately changed to a frown
[Flash forward to the present.]
Shadow: Rouge, what if you had like, human hair. Would that be weird?
"Probably." Rouge said
Rouge: (over walkie-talkie) Probably.
Shadow: Alright, cool, bye. (laughter from Blue and Penny)
"Why did you even ask?" Rouge was confused
[Cut to Shadow and Sonic battling in Green Forest.]
Sonic: So you've been looking for me, huh?
Shadow: Yes. I've been looking to stick my quills right into you, just like a [ch-kuh!] situation.
"Please rephrase…" Lanolin begged
"So now is the boss fight from Shadow's perspective." Tangle said
Sonic: Please, PLEASE rephrase.
Shadow: No. Right in there.
Sonic: (over Shadow) PLEASE rephrase, I'm beg-
Shadow: Right in there.
Sonic: Oww... You killed me.
Shadow: Directly in. There was penetration, Sonic.
Surge was chuckling a little at that
"Why…" Lanolin hid her face in her hands
[The fight ends and Shadow pulls a victory pose. Blue laughs hysterically. Post-battle, Sonic and Shadow are seen panting.]
Eggman: (over walkie-talkie) You have one minute and 25 seconds to get the fuck off of this goddamn rock before I blow it up like Krakatoa blows up a fucking volcano.
Sonic: Huh?
Eggman: It's about to be Mt. Fiji in this bitch!
Sonic: (gasp) Blows up?!
Shadow: You weren't supposed to hear that. Pretend he said "nose up".
"Nose up!?" Belle blinked confused
"Kinda hard to pretend that!" Sonic chuckled
[The island begins blowing up across various spots. Alfred is singing a little ditty.]
Alfred: (singing) There goes Hawaii, there- there- there goes Hawaii / Oh there goes Hawaii, the island is gone. / There goes Hawaii- [flashbang, cut to white]
Vector boped his head up and down
[Cut to a flashback of Shadow and Maria on the Space Colony ARK. Maria looks upon the Earth from the glass window.]
Maria: Doesn't it look wonderful, Shadow?
Shadow let out a small smile, at least this looked a little bit like how he remembered
Shadow: I wanna pee on it. I just... wanna piss on it.
Nevermind, Shadow went back to frowning. Some of the members of the ground ended up letting out a chuckle
[A cast member hits a table twice from laughter, Blue starts laughing, followed by others wheezing.]
Shadow: Find a rock... get it nice and, you know, [pissing sounds]. You feel me, Maria? You get where I'm coming from, right?
[Laughter from Penny]
Shadow: It's like I'm... marking territory. It belongs to ME. When I do that. A sign of power, if you will.
"So you want to take over the world, by pissing on it?" Surge blinked confused
[Penny goes into hysteria in the background.]
Shadow: I'm gonna pee in a Hot Topic, Maria. [breaks into laughter] It will be mine, and I will own it.
[Cut to ten years later in the same room.]
Shadow: Well, ten years have passed and I feel the same way, Rouge.
"Of course…" Rouge shook her head
Rouge: You still wanna pee in a Hot Topic?
Shadow: Yes, Rouge. Thank you for listening to my insane ramblings about peeing in a Hot Topic.
Rouge: Listen, I'll take you to a Hot Topic.
Shadow: Finally... A place to release myself.
"Now I understand why Shadow is always so cranky! He's just been holding it for ten years!" Sonic said
Shadow sighed annoyed, until he saw Cream by his side
"Mister Shadow, if you need to you can go to the bathroom, we can pause the video so you don't miss anything." Cream said making Shadow just look at her without saying anything
Rouge: I know you've been holding it for so long...
[Eggman appears at the door behind them.]
Eggman: What are you two FUCKING talking about?
"Pee." Tails shook his head
Rouge: Fucking your wife again
"Ha!" Surge and Rouge laughed
Rouge: and peeing in a Hot Topic. Because, y'know, what else do you do on a Saturday night?
[Shadow walks past Eggman and towards the door.]
Shadow: I peed on your wife, Robotnik. She's mine now. That's the law.
The group ended up laughing at that
Eggman: What the actual SHIT? WHAT?!
[Day X, 18:00: Cut to Eggman, broadcasting a live rant from his Twitter account to every TV screen in the world.]
—
Orbot and Cubot were watching the video, their laughs bothered Eggman, so he decided to go check what they were doing
"What are you two idiots do-"
—
Eggman: I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker.
The group busted out laughing immediately
[Cut to Central City and all of its residents seeing the same rant on a large TV screen.]
Eggman: He pissed on my fucking wife.
(Cast starts to laugh)
Eggman: That's right, he took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out...
Child: Mommy...?
Eggman: ...and he pissed on my FUCKING wife, and he said his dick was, (mocking Shadow and stretching his arm out) " g," (normal voice) and I said, "That's disgusting." So I'm making a call-out post on my Twitter dot-com:
[A large and rocky, walnut-shaped object is in the middle of Earth's orbit.]
Eggman: Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like.
[He blows a raspberry to imitate an explosion sound, as the Eclipse Cannon reveals itself from the walnut-shaped object. The Eclipse Cannon is shaped like Eggman's face.]
Eggman: That's right, baby. All points, no quills, no pillows. Look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong.
(Cast coughing from laughing)
Penny: I'm crying!
"Me too!" Amy yelled mid laughter
Eggman: He fucked my wife, so guess what?! I'm gonna fuck the Earth! That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!
[The Eclipse Cannon fires, its laser seemingly headed for the Earth, but...]
Penny: (in hysteria) Ohhh, God!
"Gears and starters!" Belle laughed
Eggman: Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth; I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the MOOOOON!
[The Eclipse Cannon is aimed at, and destroys half of the Moon with its laser piss.]
Eggman: How do you like that, Obama? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT!
[The cast can't contain their laughter at this point. The TV screen in Central City now shows a countdown ending 23 hours from now.]
Eggman: You have twenty-three hours before the piss (trilling his Rs and Ls a la Long John Baldry's Robotnik) drrroplllets hit the fucking Earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!
—
Orbot and Cubot were having the time of their lives laughing at that while Eggman just gaped at what he had seen, not knowing how to react before he decided to just leave the room
"Whoever made that mockery of me…"
—
[Cut to black. The cast is in stitches, and Ryan breathlessly begs Penny to pause the video.]
Ryan: Pause it! Pause it! Please! Please have mercy!
"I CAN'T BREATHE!" Surge yelled
Alfred: Pause it, pause it.
[A solid 8 seconds of universal laughing fits; Penny pauses the recording before it continues into the next scene.]
Jewel managed to pause the video, letting them take a break and recover themselves. It took a solid five minutes for all of them to recover, even Shadow ended up having a small laughing fit at that
"That was amazing!" Sonic said
"I'm shocked how that guy managed to say all of that without bursting into laughter himself!" Tails said
Penny: Oh, my God! I c- My stomach hurts!
[Cut to the Eclipse Cannon's control room, where Eggman doesn't remember his speech.]
Eggman: Ugh, oh god.. Urgh, what the fuck happened last night?
"He sounds drunk…" Vanila said
Eggman: [confused Eggman noises]
Shadow: You pissed on the moon, Eggman.
Rouge: We're really worried about you. This is an intervention. We're here to help you.
"An intervention? On Eggman!?" Sonic said in shock
Eggman: What are you talking about, I didn't piss on the moon-
Shadow: When you piss on the moon- look at the moon, it's in half now from how hard you pissed on it. I'm telling you, this has been a problem for a long time.
Eggman: I did nothing su- I, I ju- I woke up, and-
Rouge: You did, you pissed on it.
Shadow: Listen, we're doing this because we care about you and your wife.
"You just had to throw that one in there." Surge smirked
Rouge: Yeah, you pissed on it and you cursed out Obama, it was, like, really bizarre.
Eggman: Obama is a strong figure to the.. America, I would never say such a thing!
Eggman: No way! I'm gonna log onto my Twitter-
Rouge: Uh, it's right here, in the news. They-
"Oh look, it's that time Tails saved the city from Eggman." Sonic smiled, making Tails chuckle bashfully
Eggman: What the fuck? Why does Tails have all the fucking weed?! Why does he have the weed?!
And then they ended up laughing once more
"I forgot that's what the emeralds are in there!" Rouge said mid laughter
[He awkwardly moves his body and points at seeing Tails with the Chaos Emerald.]
Eggman: Why is my body doing this thing?! I'm like a puppet on a string.
"He kinda does…" Belle said, receiving a look from Silver since she herself looked like a wooden puppet
(He makes a light creaking noise to imitate the sound of his arm moving.)
Eggman: You see that?! Look at that! I put the thing, and I pull it out, and then, (extended pained grunt imitating the sound of a string in the back of a doll) pull it out again, and then I look at you and I'm like (deeper grunt). Okay I'm logging on to Twitter, I'm gonna- I- I- I'mma see what's up.
[He yells at Rouge and Shadow with a steadily increasing raging volume.]
Eggman: Okay everybody, shut up, shut up. shut up. Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
"No one is talking…" Lanolin said
Rouge: None of us were talking, Robotnik.
Shadow: I can't believe he came to his intervention drunk.
Rouge: Sometimes it just be like that.
"It is what it is." Rouge shrugged
[She picks up her walkie-talkie, calling Sonic.]
Rouge: Hey Sonic, what's up?
"Oh yeah, she was a double agent for G.U.N. Or… Sonic, there." Tails blinked
Sonic: (over walkie-talkie) Hey, Rouge, baby, what's going on?
"What do you mean 'Rouge, baby'!?" Amy widened her eyes shocked
"It seems like dub me took the chance since you didn't want to get him for yourself." Rouge had a smug look, making Amy turn to her and give her a strained look
[This shocks Alfred as he wheezes in confusion at the concept of Rouge being Sonic's girlfriend.]
Rouge: Nothin' much. They don't- still don't know I'm a double agent.
Sonic: (over walkie-talkie) Heh, oh yeah. Double agent and double…
"Want to finish that sentence?" Rouge was emanating an threatening aura
"Yeah, want to finish that?" Amy had one too
"Yeah, no thanks." Sonic looked away while sweating
Rouge: Anyway, my one polygon is waiting for you.
Rouge deadpanned at that while Amy had a cute smile on her face, the arm of her chair having been shattered thanks to how hard she was holding it
[The cast, especially Alfred, laugh hysterically at this reference to Knuckles' roast directed at her when they first argued over the Master Emerald.
[Cut to Shadow standing atop Sky Rail.]
Shadow: I'm in the middle of nowhere again. I can't find my key- Hey, you know what this place looks like? (A beat.) … Looks like PUMPKIN HILL!
[He doots along to the song "A Ghost's Pumpkin Soup". A sped-up version of the original song plays behind him. Alfred and Blue laugh.]
Shadow had a small smirk at that
Shadow: Hey look, it's Tails. Hopefully he didn't hear me call his name.
(To Sonic on walkie-talkie) Hey, Sonic. I found Tails.
"Shadow is one too!?" Tangle said shocked
Sonic: (thinking Rouge is on his line) What's up? What's up, baby?
"Baby!?" Shadow and Sonic said at the same time
Shadow: I found Tails. He's flying without your permission again. Do you want me to ~punish him~?
"Please don't!" Tails pleaded
Sonic: No, don't do that, he's had enough.
Eggman: Why is SONIC on the same line as the VILLAIN LI-
Some of the group ended up laughing
"Why is Sonic on the villain line?" Belle wondered
[The cast half-effortedly does a rendition of The Legend of Zelda's overworld theme as the space shuttle launches towards the ARK, laughing afterward.]
Rouge: Hey Sonic.
Sonic: Hey, baby... (breaks into laughter)
"Not again!" Amy yelled
Eggman: (catching onto Sonic and Rouge's relationship) WHY IS THIS- NO. Don't do that. You CAN'T be talking to Sonic anymore. You're not talking to Sonic.
"He sounds like an overprotective dad stopping his daughter from seeing her boyfriend!" Tangle laughed
Belle blinked twice at that
Rouge: You're not my DAD, don't fucking tell me what to DO!
Eggman: Stop calling Sonic on our evil phone line!
"How is a phone line evil?" Whisper wondered
Rouge: So, thanks for saving my life. I owe you one.
"And we're back here." Rouge said
Knuckles: (as the pieces of the Master Emerald fall in front of him) Weeeed!
Rouge: Yeah, take this weed!
Alfred: It's weed times ten!
Rouge: It's all yours. It's- I don't need it anymore.
Knuckles: I'm gonna make a ganja sandwich!
Voice: HERE COMES THE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!
[b-ring!]
Knuckles: Yeah, extra mayo! [A loud wheeze is heard] Just the way I like it!
Rouge: Have at it.
Knuckles: You're- I love you. You're the best woman... ever.
Rouge blinked surprised at that, Knuckles ended up blushing and looked away from his tablet
"Knuckles and Rouge sitting on a tree~" Sonic began
"Don't even try it!" Knuckles yelled
Rouge: I love you too... I'll meet you... behind the Denny's.
Rouge coughs into her hand and looks away
"Well well well…" Shadow glances at her
"Oh, as if." Rouge says
"I detect an increase in Rouge's heartbeat, akin to how she feels when she is close to treasure." Omega said
"Quiet you!"
[Blue coughs from laughter.]
Big: Ahh, I'm gonna need to check my dick!
(Cut to Eggman looking at his screen, waving his arm around, upset)
Eggman: WHO posted my NUDES on Twitter dot-com?!
And once again they end up laughing
"No! DON'T PUT THAT IMAGE ON MY HEAD!" Tangle grabbed her head in a panic
(entire cast laughing again)
Eggman: Ohhh no. Ohhhhh no, they put it all the way on the fucking islands. Now everyone's gonna know about my secret egg dick.
"NOT THAT!" Belle and Tangle yelled
Eggman: (to Shadow) Where do you think YOU'RE going, cucker?
Shadow: I don't talk to people whose dicks are less than three inches.
"Oh my God, Shadow! You just killed him!" Sonic yelled
Eggman: Listen to me motherfucker, I know about yours 'cause I crea- I MEAN
"No you didn't." Shadow said bluntly
Eggman: Listen, you don't need to talk about my dick like that, listen, I just take pride in my egg-shaped dick, okay? Now I'm gonna go leave because... my dick is actually the nose of this fucking machine. Please behave yourself.
(Cut to Amy)
Amy: Aaahh... Hum-dee-dum-dee-dum-dum-dum. What? Oh... Where am I? Why am I in a ship? OH!
Amy sighed
[Eggman now has his gun pointed towards Amy.]
Eggman: Bitch you are gon' get in this car or I'm poppin' between ya' eyes.
Amy: Wait, I know you! I saw your dick on Twitter!
Amy actually chuckled at that
Eggman: OH, GOD DA-
[Cut to Shadow brooding in front of a window elsewhere in the Space Colony ARK.]
Shadow: Maria.
[A low-resolution explosion fires off behind the window the moment he says this. Cut to black, where the cast dies of laughter for fourteen seconds straight.]
Sonic and Surge actually ended up laughing at that, the timing was just too perfect
Alfred: (in hysterics) Oh, my God! Oh... my... God!
[Cut to Rouge in the Eclipse Cannon control room.]
Rouge: Guess what, Robotnik? I have access to the Twitter headquarters.
[A long wheeze is heard.]
Rouge: I'm gonna not only post your nudes on your Twitters, but on EVERYONE'S Twitters.
"NO! DON'T DO IT!" Tangle yelled
"How can you be so evil, Rouge!?" Sonic yelled
[Shadow appears.]
Shadow: Don't do it! His dick is too disturbing for the world to see.
"Thank you Shadow!" Tangle said
Shadow: Trust me, I've seen it in person. And the one you leaked? Photoshopped. The real thing is worse, Rouge…
Shadow now wanted to erase that information from his brain
[The camera awkwardly and suddenly zooms into a menacing Rouge and cuts right back to Shadow.]
Shadow: Th- what was that zoom for?
Rouge: I have this manual of how to hack into the Twitter headquarters, just so I can post it to the whole world, so you'd better hurry the fuck up with your explanation before I just DO IT.
"Do it quickly Shadow!" Sonic said
Shadow: It somehow looks like every single Tetris block at once. Wait, hold on… Is that Eggman-
"How is that even physically possible…?" Lanolin and Tails said confused
Eggman: [over the walkie-talkie] HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING ABOUT MY FUCKING DICK AGAIN?! OH MY GOD. WHEN I SEE YOU! IT'S ON. SIGHT. IT IS ON. SIGHT.
"Uh oh! He's mad!" Cream said
Shadow: Yeah, piss off. Anyway... begone, thot.
Rouge: Hey, that's not how you're supposed to speak to a friend. I thought we were FRIENDS, Shadow.
"Yeah." Rouge smirked at Shadow, who rolled his eyes
Shadow: Maybe friends with benefits.
Rouge deadpanned
Rouge: Really?
Shadow: No. You got a gross bat face.
She then got a frown
"What do you mean gross!?" Rouge yelled
Rouge: What the fuck, you Hot Topic hot sauce motherfucker? Who are you to say anything?
Shadow: There's nothing hotter than hot sauce, Rouge.
[Cut to Sonic at the end of Final Rush once again.]
Voice: WELCOME TO FUNLAND!
"And now back to Funland!" Tangle said trying to make Rouge lose her focus on the insult
Sonic: What the- I'm here again?
Sonic: It's like a dream-
Shadow: Welcome to Funland, Sonic. Also, welcome to the "Fucked Eggman's Wife" club.
"Even Sonic!? Is there anyone who didn't have their way with his wife!?" Belle yelled in shock
Sonic: Oh, heyy! I'm glad to be here! Do we have jackets?
Shadow: No. But we do have shoes. And they let us run really, really fast.
Sonic: Okay. How fast do you wanna run? Two fast? Three fast? Twelve fast.
"That's not grammatically correct." Lanolin said
Shadow: That's not grammatically correct, you insolent fucko.
Shadow: And so then I told Eggman, "I swear, it looks like all of them at once, you big Gru-looking bitch."
"WHY IS THAT THE THEME OF THIS ENTIRE THING!?" Tangle grabbed her head, making Whisper pat her back
Sonic: Oh my God, really? Are you telling- that's, that's the truth? It really- every single one of them at once?
Shadow: It's true.
Sonic: So if I were to put it in a blender... would that like...
Shadow: Yes, that's right. It would still look exactly the same. It defies nature like that.
"That's horrifying." Lanolin said disgusted
Sonic: Oh my god. that's... that's Lovecraftian!
Shadow: Also, perish.
Sonic: Okay.
"A casual conversation and then 'by the way, die'." Surge chuckled
[Words previewing the Final Story quickly appear onscreen.]
Hayley: Space Cuckholdry. (making a pun on "Space Colony")
Penny: Prayer.
[Ryan vocalizes a tense tune to accompany the words appearing on screen.]
Alfred: Prayers, tears- what the fuck is this-
Hayley: Maria.
Alfred: Crisis of - end of the world.
Hayley: The truth about 50 years ago…
"...what did I just experience?" Everyone said at the same time
[Cut to Eggman in the Eclipse Cannon control room.]
Eggman: Finally... Y'know what? My nudes are up, my Twitter logged on, and my boners are turned off.
"You gotta feel bad for Eggman on this one." Belle said, and most people agreed, he was practically being tortured there
"Meh." Surge shrugged, and Shadow didn't really have an opinion on that
[A computer screen shows an image of Gerald Robotnik.]
Shadow widened his eyes slightly
Eggman: I'm gonna fu- what the hell is going on. Who is THIS?
[Gasps in shock as he comes to the realization of the identity of Gerald: his father.]
Eggman: D... d... daddy? Daddy, is that you?
"W-what?" Belle said confused
"It's not his dad. His grandfather." Shadow explained
"And the one who made Shadow." Sonic finished
Belle blinked surprised, she was discovering a lot about her weird family tree. What's next? Some kind of new sister she's never heard of?
—
Somewhere in a cyber space, a red blob of cubes pulsated
—
Gerald: It seems... that as all come today... that I... must... destroy you all... for leaking my son's nudes. I cannot believe that this has happened. It is time... for you all... to see... the last thing that you will ever see. As you are destroyed... and as you see my son's Tetris dick... I will make sure... that every waking moment... until the very last... is the last thing that you will ever breathe. Make sure…
Everyone was just stunned by that, it was at the same time horrifying as it was silly…
"Seeing Eggman's nudes as the last thing before I die would be the worst way to go out…" Tangle said, almost throwing up at the idea
"The fact it sounds actually threatening makes me feel weird." Sonic said
Knuckles: Whoa! But I wanted the last thing I breathed to be pot!
"And the seriousness has been broken." Tails deadpanned
Eggman: YOU DONE DID IT NOW. I'm so sick. My father's here-
Knuckles: I'm so sick of fuckin' your wife! She's a tired old hag!
"How many people fucked his wife!?" Surge yelled, making everyone look at her weird "What? Oh please, the videos have been saying it all the time and the kids would hear it eventually, get off my back."
For some reason Surge felt that her death was drawing near, and for some reason it came in the form of a motherly rabbit
"But even Knuckles doing it proves that everyone did Eggman's wife." Sonic crossed his arms
"So it seems like Knuckles really is into older women." Rouge said while putting a finger on her chin
"Don't even start with that again!" Knuckles yelled
Knuckles: ...Wait. ...Where am I?
Sonic: Eggman... We can make amends-
Eggman: What the fuck, shut the fuck up. Shut the FUCK up. Everybody's fucked my wife!
"And he snappep." Espio shook his head
Sonic: [mid-laughter] Yeah, but we can fix it, I promise. Just join us!
"Yeah, I'm sure there's a way to-" Sonic began
Eggman: NO. I'm divorcing her ass, I'm throwing yo' ass in the garbage, I'm throwing ALL yo' asses in the garbage. I'm taking yo' CDs and weed…
"And I guess he isn't going to accept any help." Sonic sighed, it was just like normal Eggman
Rouge: I'm not really sure what this says, I... I can only read basic English.
"I'm not Knuckles." Rouge said
"Hey!"
Voice: Destroyyy...~
Hayley: Destroy.
Alfred: Deny- this is the last thing that you will see.
[The cast chant Maria's name]
Ryan: Maria, Maria, Maria...
Penny: Maariiiaaaa!
[Several cast members break into a form of religious singing of some sorts.]
Amy: I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO READ.
Alfred: Stereotype-
Hayley: Prototype.
Alfred: Prototype, prototype, Shadow's a prototype...
Blue: That's not really a surprise!
Ryan: [In Kermit-like voice] ARK!
Alfred: ARK, ARK, ARK... [turns into a mating call]
Hayley: ARK! ARK! I'm a dog!
Ryan: Engage, engage, engage, engage...
Hayley: ARK!
"I'm so confused…" Lanolin put a hand on her head
Eggman: She fuckin'- he fuckin'- she.. they fucked my wife!
"Oh no…" Belle widened her eyes
Blue: They all vanished!
Eggman: The animals fucked my wife! And then everybody fucking left because the fucking ship was gonna be destroyed. She was able to escape because I designed a robot that would be able to pleasure her in such an intense way that I would be able to finally fuck her. BUT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! BECAUSE SHE DECIDED TO BECOME A FURRY FUCKER AND FUCKED THE WHOLE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND SHADOW TEAM! WHICH DIDN'T EVEN FUCKIN' MATTER SINCE IT WENT INTO A NEW ARC! (in a deep, glitchy, distorted voice caused by Alfred's mic) And then she fucked the world. THE WORLD WAS HER NEXT TARGET. BECAUSE HER JUSSY WAS NOT EVEN PLEASED ENOUGH. SO SHE HAD TO HOE HERSELF OUT AND BE THE BIGGEST (trilling) THRRRRRRROT THAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN. THE WORLD IS GOING TO BE DESTROYED RIGHT NOW. I'M LOGGING OFF.
Everyone gaped at what they heard, they didn't know if they should laugh or if they should be scared that this event was even thought about
"I… I can't even…" Silver was overstimulated, he couldn't even think straight
"Me too…" Blaze put a hand on her forehead, feeling like a headache was coming
"That didn't make sense and made sense at the same time… How is that even possible!?" Tails didn't know how to think anymore
Rouge: You shouldn't talk about your wife that way.
Eggman: I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK. That bitch can fuck off, I divorced her ass three hours ago.
"G-good for you?" Belle said confussd
Eggman: I'm so sick. My body's doing things. THAT thing. And you over there? Shut up. (pointing to Tails) And YOU? Take off my pants. You wanna see some weird shit?
"I don't! I'm not doing that!" Tails shook his head
Tails: Eggman! You need to calm down.
Eggman: I AM- I'mmmmmm [his voice turns into Animal's] tired of bein' calm all the god damn time! I wanna live my life! (to Tails) And you! You. (vocals distorted and bass-boosted to near incomprehension) YOU. YOU. I'M SO SICK OF YOU.
"He broke… They managed to break Eggman…" Vector gaped in shock
"That's horrible…" Cream covered her mouth with her hands
Sonic looked really uncomfortable looking at Eggman just completely losing it, yeah, he and the doctor always fought each other, but still, swing him break like that just wasn't… good
Rouge: It looks like we won, everybody. We... broke him. Finally.
Knuckles: Alright! Do we get to have a big furry orgy now?
"NO!" Everyone screamed
Sonic: Okay, everybody... Let's stop talking about his dick, okay.
"Finally!" Tangle thanked the gods for that one
Sonic: It looks like all Tetris pieces at once. Thumbs up!
Sonic gave his other self a thumbs up too
Sonic: To make a long fuckin' story short, I put a whole bag of jellybeans up my- up my a-(guffaws)
"Huh!?" Was everyone's reaction
Amy: Doo do doo do doo...
[Big runs by Amy.]
Amy: What? I feel like there's a pervert here. Nope! No-
"Oh, come on, Big is not a pervert." Amy said
"Considering the last video, I'd say otherwise." Rouge crossed her arms
[Big runs by again.]
Amy: Wait. IIIII knew it! I'm the pervert! Hooray! [relieved breathing] Okay. [Alfred wheezes]
Amy deadpanned
"Oh, look at that." Rouge had a smug look
"Shush!" Amy looked at her
Amy: Hey Shadow! Whatcha thinkin' 'bout? Thinkin' 'bout peeing on the worrrrld? Thinkin' 'bout-
Shadow: More than anything that I've ever thought about in my entire life. [Blue chuckles] Just imagine it. Warm liquids…
"Why is the theme here Eggman's… "egg sausage" and pee!?" Belle wondered confused but no one answered
Amy: Well, I have a story for you! When I was a little girl, I used to wet the bed.
"N-no I didn't!" Amy yelled while blushing
"It's okay, Amy, that's completely normal." Tails told his friend, making her bury her face on her hands
Amy: But that- didn't mean it was my bed!
"Huh? You wet other people's beds?" Sonic said confused
Amy: 'Cause I was a renter. I started renting my first apartment when I was six years old 'cause I'm a self-sufficient woman, and my mom kicked me out for being far too obnoxious.
"No she didn't! She… Actually… I don't remember much about when I used to stay at home…" Amy was now pondering that
Amy: And that's why I... am the TRUE owner of the world. That's right. All of that you see before you? [Another wheeze is heard] Everything the piss touches? That is your kingdom. And you, my son, shall go forth and inherit it.
"That sounded like a reference." Tangle touched her chin
Shadow: I made a promise to Maria... that I would pee on everything on Earth.
[A tear rolls down from Shadow's eye.]
Shadow: Wait. Did I just cry...?
"That's not something you can really control, Shadow." Sonic shrugged, making Shadow scoff
Amy: Whoa, no, hang on, that's not what I saw in the flashback.
Shadow: I don't give a shit. I'm gonna go pee now.
[Cut to black, everything pauses for Ryan to make a remark.]
Ryan: You know what's funny about this?
"What?"everyone said
All: What?
Ryan: Super Sonic.
[Super Sonic appears on screen.]
And then they all widened their eyes
"NO!" Amy yelled
"Stop!" Tails begged
"Oh please no…" Blaze closed her eyes
"Oh come on!" Sonic yelled
Surge began to laugh at his misfortune, while Shadow had a small smirk…
Before he widened his eyes in terror after realizing he also had a super form that would probably appear in the video
Penny: No. Stop.
Ryan: [an absolute chortle]
[Ryan chortles. Cut back to the conversation.]
Knuckles: Man, those balls sure are shakin'.
"Thank you for the input." Rouge deadpanned
[Blue loses it in laughter.]
Sonic: Yeah. I've seen something like that before… but only... y'know... in certain circles.
Knuckles: FurAffinity, yeah, I know. I- wha–
"What is that… FurAffinity? I've heard Eggman saying it earlier when he talked about mister Shadow and miss Rouge." Cream said
"Well, it had fur and affinity, so maybe it's something where people show how much they like animals!" Tangle guessed
"That makes sense." Lanolin crossed her arms
"Well, that must be it then." Charmy nodded
Sonic: Hey Knuckles, I'm gonna go up and touch 'em.
Knuckles: Yeah me... me too.
[Biolizard emerges from the light.]
Eggman: You shall revel in nothing but destruction. Shadow could've been a true beast- and NOW YOU SHALL DIE!
Ryan: That's actually the story.
"Is it?" Tangle asked
"Pretty much." Sonic and Shadow shrugged
Alfred: Is it?
Biolizard: I'M GOING TO VORE YOU IN MY MOUTH.
"No! Don't vore him!" Cream yelled
Shadow: No, listen, brother, I'm not into this.
Shadow thought about it a little, technically the Biolizard was indeed his brother… Weird.
Biolizard: I ATE ALL THE FUNYUNS. COME HERE, BROTHER.
Shadow: No. They're my funyuns.
Biolizard: THEY TASTE LIKE CHERRIES.
Shadow: Why do they taste like cherries, brother?
Biolizard: I DO HOPE YOU TASTE DELICIOUS, NOW COME INTO MY MAAAAAW.
Shadow: I'm going to grind on you.
Biolizard: NOOOO. MY BUTTON! (monstrous groaning)
"I hate that noise…" Kit covered his ears
Shadow: That's right. I'm going to take all those ropes you have... and I'm going to make sure there's some knotting going on.
Biolizard: [In a different, higher-toned voice from being hit] Brother! I need you to stop trying to hit me!
"And I hate that voice!" Surge seemed disgusted
Charmy on the other hand giggled at the silly voice
Biolizard: Brother! You've reset my voice module button! Brother! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGhhhh! I gave birth!
"Congratulations!" Cream and Tangle said
Shadow: Well, time to use these bowels to get up there.
"No! Shadow, you are killing his babies!" Tangle said dramatically
"The poor babies…" Cream put her hands together
"They weren't actually his babies…" Shadow said confused
Biolizard: No, not my babies! AA- [Wookie noise]
Shadow: There's only one more baby for me to dispose of...
Knuckles: Oh my god, that was the hottest shit I've ever seen. Aaagh!
"I'm worried about that Knuckles' mental health…" Rouge said
"I think that worry should extend to all of your dub versions." Gemerl said
Sonic: Yeah, I know, it was crazy!
Knuckles: What is this?
Sonic: It's a pad of some kind...
Knuckles: it looks like a butt.
"Heh, it does." Surge smirked
(Cut to Shadow and Sonic about to join Chaos Emeralds)
Shadow: Alright, Sonic. Let's touch dicks.
"No…" Shadow groaned
"Yeah… Actually, I was going to make a joke about that but I disgusted myself with just the thought of it." Sonic deadpanned
Sonic: Alright. As we know, my dick is on my hand.
[Sonic and Shadow's clenched hands quickly move back and forth as they begin to power up with the Chaos Emeralds.]
Alfred: (rushed) And then they jerk off.
"Oh my God, what are you doing!?" Practically everyone yelled
Sonic: Oh my god, what are we DOING?
[The cast loudly laughs.]
Hayley: Whoa! Whoa!
[Shadow and Sonic gasp dramatically.]
Shadow: Sonic, do you like getting peed on?
"No!" Sonic and Tangle yelled
Sonic: Yes, I do!
Shadow: Do I have good news for you!
"I hate this so much." Shadow said in a defeated tone
[Sonic and Shadow transform into their Super form.]
Penny: Woooo! [wheezes]
Sonic: Whoa, Shadow, you're dehydrated, buddy!
Shadow: A little bit.
Sonic: What have you been drinking?
"End my existence…" Shadow looked down
"I can't unsee it now!" Tangle grabbed her head
Silver looked away, worried if they would say his super form was also him being peed on whenever he appeared
[A long pause. Cut to black. Laugh break. Cut to the fight with Biolizard.]
"H-hey, look, another boss fight…" Whisper tried to take Tangle's attention away from the images on her mind
Biolizard: I have a question for both of you.
Sonic: What's up?
Biolizard: If I gave Shadow... fifteen apples... and then Amy gives Shadow…
"Oh, math problem." Tails seemed excited
Sonic: Bam!
Biolizard: ...another (pained) sixteEEN... and Tails took away three…
"Alright, so fifteen plus sixteen minus three…" Tails began
Biolizard: My question is... what's the total mass of the sun?
"Huh?" Tails blinked
"1.327124-" the two robots began
Shadow: As Obama told me, it's THREE!
[Biolizard screams as it gives its final breath.]
Biolizard: You figured it oouuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ut…
"Oh, so it was just complete nonsense." Tails deadpanned and the two robots stopped their answers
"It's alright buddy." Sonic patted Tails' back
Sonic: Why does it sound like he's getting farther away.
Penny: This is stupid.
"I agree." Everyone said at the same time
[general agreement]
Shadow: This is incredibly dumb.
Sonic: We have to do it together!
Shadow: Let's blow up the moon.
"That's not a moon, that's a space station." Lanolin corrected. For some reason getting a weird feeling on the back of her head
Sonic: Let's blow it up!
Shadow: Wait, hold on...
Sonic: Wait, that's no moon, that's a space station.
Shadow: Nice reference. I also love Star Trek.
"Star Trek?" Lanolin said confused
Shadow: Well, good thing all of Sonic's friends were on that ship… Bye.
Sonic: Yep! See ya!
Shadow: I'm dead for real, I promiii-...
"I wasn't." Shadow said the obvious
Sonic: Shadow didn't deserve to die for his piss.
Amy: Yeah, he did!
"Wow, Amy. I didn't know you hated Shadow that much." Rouge said
"I really dislike that me…" Amy sighed
Sonic: But here we are...
Rouge: Are you sure about that?
Sonic: All of you are responsible... He was a good man, with a good heart…
"That he is. Even if he doesn't like us to see that." Sonic said while smiling, making Shadow roll his eyes
[The credits to Sonic Adventure 2 start rolling. Sonic hands Rouge a thick orange ring.]
Sonic: Take this ring in remembrance of him.
Rouge: I'm gonna eat it.
"Do not." Shadow said
Sonic: Please d- I mean you can eat it if you want, but I guarantee that that's... not gonna be... (beat) partake of the ring.
Rouge: Thank you, Hedgehog Jesus.
"That's…" Rouge was unsure if she should say that's correct or not
Sonic: Hey, wait a minute... (beat) Doesn't that mean he's gonna come back to life at some point?
"I don't know. What do you think, Shadow?" Sonic asked with a smirk, but Shadow didn't answer
Eggman: Aw, that piss-lovin' son of a bitch, I'll miss him. (speech becomes slurred) Aw, Tails, hand me another drink.
"And he's drunk again…" Jewel sighed
Tails: I think you need... a therapist, and not a bottle.
"I agree…" Tails said
Eggman: (slurred) I think you need to shut your mouth with your three tails... f- nine-tailed fox Naruto-looking motherfucker. Weeeeeeoooough, gottem! Woo!
"...what?" Tails didn't catch any of that
Tails: God, I wish that were me.
Knuckles: Now that all this piss and scaly porn's goin' on, you wanna... I don't know...
Rouge: What?
"Oh, look at that, someone is getting a date~!" Sonic teased his friend
"Oh, be quiet!" Knuckles yelled
Knuckles: Get... get high or somethin'... behind a Denny's-
Rouge: Oh, fu- I thought you'd never ask.
"Knuckles and Rouge, sitting on a tree!" Amy and Sonic sang together, making the two targets of the song scoff and look away (away from his tablet's screen on Knuckles case)
[Alfred laughs out of character, while Knuckles reads from the Music and Lyrics credits.]
Knuckles: Yeah... Fumie Kumatani, he knows what's up.
Eggman: (slurred) Guys. Guys, guys, guys. I gotta... tell you something.
Knuckles: What?
Sonic: Eggman... stop, okay.
"Yeah, you've already suffered through enough today." Jewel said
[Amy starts interrupting Sonic while he tries to finish his sentence.]
Sonic: You've been broken ever since you spent three years in that building.
"So that's why he's been like that all this time!" Sonic snapped his fingers
Amy: Sonic. Sonic! Sonic, can I-
Sonic: What?
Amy: Sonic. Can I jump on that-
Sonic: What?
Amy: Can I jump on that (extended sound) D...?
Sonic blinked while Amy blushed and tried to hide herself behind her hands. This time Rouge didn't have to tease her, she simply smirked at her
Sonic: No.
"That was the expected answer." Rouge said
[Amy takes note of a rendering glitch in the nearby window and says her line quickly before leaving. Sonic shortly follows suit and we cut to him at the door.]
Sonic: You can't, okay.
Amy: My shoes... my shoes in my reflection are opaque, bye.
"They actually are." Sonic said
Sonic: Okay. I don't know what that means but that's fine. Alright, everybody, I'm gonna bounce. I'm gonna go to Chipotle, I'll see you all later! Uh, if-
Eggman: (slurred) Bring me back a burrito.
Sonic: Nope. If you want something, go get it yourself, buddy.
"And one final kick at him to end it." Sonic chuckled
[Cut to a shot of the Space Colony ARK over the Earth.]
Eggman: SONIIIIiiiiic!
[Eggman's voice fades to an echo as the "Chao Transporter" theme starts playing. Wipe to endscreen. Episode ends.]
"Wow, that… That was insane." Sonic said
"I liked this one. It was nice seeing Eggman suffering and making it everyone else's problem." Surge said
"I don't have an opinion on that." Shadow said
"I found it kinda funny." Rouge shrugged
"Hey, Jewel, what's the next one?" Tangle asked
"Let me see… It's called… Sonic 06?" Jewel said intrigued
"Huh, wonder what the 06 is about." Silver and Blaze said at the same time