Iris' turn

The blinding brilliance of the transfer faded around us, leaving Kazuma and I standing on a square of smooth stone about ten meters on a side, the uppermost skimmed off layer of concrete that came along for the ride crackling under our shoes as we shifted our weight.

"BEHOLD! THE WANDERERS RETURN!" a man's voice bellowed to one side. Turning my head I saw a young man in robes jump to his feet from where he'd been lounging on a chair nearby, a slim book forgotten at his feet as he raised both hands as though supplicating a vengeful god. "AS FORETOLD OF OLD, OUR PRODIGALS HAVE RETURNED TO US AT LAST!"

'Ah, Iris. How long were you gone…' Kazuma whispered worriedly, though that might've been from him eyeing the ranting wizard too.

"Three days, four at most." I answered at a normal volume, he'd never hear us over himself and the rising tumult coming from the nearby homes. "Just follow my lead."

That said, I recognized several figures approaching the ritual stage at a trot, robes and cloaks rippling behind them as they came. The woman leading them was a few years older than me in her late 20s, brunette and red eyed like all her people.

"Chief Yunyun!" I raised a hand in greeting and drew in a breath, relying on years of oratorical training to project my voice from the diaphragm.

"And all the mighty Crimson Demons who made my journey possible! I come before you to relate my saga! A saga of VICTORY!" I clenched the hand I'd already raised, Seresdina's mana storage dangling from my fist like a trophy, and grabbed Kazuma's hand with the other. Raising them both as well, I continued over the rising exclamations, "A victory impossible without this man, the hero we sought! Who even before taking an oath of fealty to my person and our cause, had already sworn a blood oath of retribution for wrongs done to him by the Apostate Priestess of Vengeance and Puppetry! Who had followed me across the veil and sought to work her foul machinations upon him! Nay, he not only took oath against her, he BESTED her! IN SINGLE COMBAT!"

To his credit, Kazuma didn't quail in the face of the wall of sound that proclamation resulted in, but if he winced a little, I couldn't blame him. I'd sometimes thought the Crimson Demon Clan was about 60% lung by volume, and they were doing their damndest to prove me right.

Letting that go on for a second, to help me catch my breath as much as anything, I waved my free hand again for quiet while lowering our linked hands. "My people, my champions. My honored shields against the Dark." I spoke more softly, though still loud enough to carry as the background noise faded.

"I have asked much of you over the last few years, and much have you given me and the kingdom in return. Much more will likely be asked in the future, though it pains me to say it, and I hope that you will continue in the spirit of defiance and courage as you always have."

"BUT! Tonight is a time for celebration! I decree a day of thanksgiving for the destruction of a fell and fearsome foe! May you all eat, drink, and be merry, for your efforts have earned you the right!"

With that, the by now almost completely assembled Clan dispersed, never being ones to turn down an excuse to party. The three women who remained stepped forward, one making a bow of greeting while the other two saluted in their own fashion.

"Ladies, allow me to introduce the man who bested General Seresdina and newest recruit to our cause, Kazuma Sato," I began after nudging the slightly shell-shocked man. "First, we have Yunyun, Chief of the Crimson Demon Clan. The foremost group of wizards and magic practitioners in the kingdom, they were kind enough to do the griffon's share of powering and indeed designing the ritual that brought us here."

"You are far too kind, your Majesty," the woman replied. "Though I do hope you thought of acquiring alternate sleeping arrangements," she continued impishly. "The clan will celebrate enough to wake the dead after THAT speech."

"A queen is nothing if she cannot tailor her message to suit her audience," I replied with all due gravity. "Next, her clanswoman Kommeko, archwizard of the Crimson Demon Clan. As I mentioned before, she holds the distinction of being our foremost mind in the study of demons and their works."

"I'm extra glad to meet you!" the slender, bubbly, and rather short, archwizard announced to Kazuma. "I heard all about the delicious food her Majesty saw in your land, and I can't wait to try it for myself!" she announced, true to her unique sense of priorities.

"Ah, I'll do my best? We did bring some recipes that Iris liked?" Kazuma glanced in my direction uncertainly, and I gave a small shrug. He did copy off a bundle of his favorite recipes and what we'd had on our working date. No harm in doing some field testing.

"Next," I continued, retaking control of the impromptu meeting. "We have one of my Stewards, Lady Rain. She holds the honor of Court Mage and is a mistress of Advanced Magic among her many other qualifications."

She bowed in greeting as well, her dress swishing along with her short hair held back by glasses. "Charmed, Sir Kazuma. I look forward to hearing your story in more detail."

"I'm afraid my other Steward, Duchess Claire of Sinfonia, had to remain in the capital to manage affairs in my absence. You'll meet her later, likely at the same time as Lady Sylphina, our final party member," I finished.

"Ladies, thank you for having me," Kazuma bowed back in the different style of his homeland. Good, he seemed to be getting his feet back under him.

"And with the boring but necessary part out of the way, might we adjourn to more comfortable surroundings?" I suggested.

Kazuma's turn

I'd been here all of thirty minutes, and I'd already come to one conclusion.

The Crimson Demon Clan was certifiably insane.

Just on the walk from the ritual to the Chief's mansion I saw an even dozen wizards crowded around a rectangular table, launching tiny fireballs into glass or pewter cups after spinning five times in place. When one sank their shot the cup burst into bright flames of various colors, and the shooter downed the contents all at a gulp to the cheers of the onlookers.

A few steps later we passed another group huddled around what I thought at first were kettles, but they looked way too long and narrow. I watched curiously, and they scattered back and hit the deck.

Moments before searing lights erupted from them with a mighty 'fwomp' that I could feel in my chest. One after another, like a roman candle scaled up to the size of a kitchen trash can, the balls streaked higher before bursting into shooting stars.

About five meters above them.

Having clearly seen this coming, Yunyun had hustled us into cover as soon as she caught sight of them. But still, with the way they rattled my teeth it felt less like a fireworks show and more like an artillery barrage called in 'danger close'.

After taking a moment to 'counsel' the artillerists on their choice of fuse settings, Yunyun led us away at a power walk pace. The next group looked downright wholesome in comparison, a group of grade schoolers playing a game in a grassy triangle bound by several footpaths.

"I don't have to sing the song! I was in a No Song Zone!" one little girl proclaimed, artfully dodging another's attempt to bean her with a ball.

"Nuh uh! I touched the Opposite Pole! Now the No Song Zone is a Song Zone!" a little boy on the…opposite team… I wasn't sure there were any actual teams now that I looked.

"You didn't declare it!" the first girl protested "Ya gotta declare it!"

"I declared it oppositely by not declaring it! Now start singing!" the boy defended himself, and things got musical for a minute. Meanwhile in another corner, what I guess was another branch of the game, or maybe a totally different one going on at the same time, was hashing out who had to hop on one foot after not touching a base wicket. That was the point they passed out of sight, but I made a note to ask about it later.

I'd dreaded organized sports days in school, but NO sport could be less organized than that.

Finally, a group of the local artisans judging by the leather aprons a few wore had their hands waving in the air like conductor's batons in time to rumbling and shuddering in the ground I'd thought came from the pyromaniacs behind us.

Not so. Towering above the group was a pair of golems around 10 meters tall, gracefully spinning through a tango. One decorated with a wraparound skirt and a massive flower garland sized for its wheelbarrow sized head. The other bare except a suitably massive loincloth as it spun its partner through the steps to the cheers and odd jeer over a missed step.

And heaven help me, I couldn't avoid wanting to join in with it all. Yeah, it was nuts and probably dangerous to life and limb. But if I'd ever gone to college, I could only hope to have a quarter as much fun on a Friday night as they were having out there now as our cluster of VIPs walked past. Dodging the odd flaming projectile or offer of something spectacularly alcoholic.

Komekko had been dismissed to go join the fun, but the rest of us arrived safely at the low fence surrounding a nicely appointed house near the middle of town, Chief Yunyun letting us in. Inside was a single story manor about the size of one floor of my old apartment complex with probably as many rooms.

Though the landscaping and architecture were both light years better.

We filed inside, this time with the door opened by a small boy barely elementary school age, clearly the chief's son from his looks. Helping him was an older girl who wore her blonde hair in ringlets, dressed in a different style of robes than the adults or the simple cloak the boy wore. The nanny, I guess.

"Thank you, sweetie," the chief hugged her son for a quick moment. "I need to talk to some important people right now, but I'll come find you before bed. Go have fun with the others, alright?"

"'Kay!" he agreed, taking his minder's hand. "Let's go, Betty! I wanna show Lessie my new pose!" the boy declared, dragging them both out the front door.

"Has he grown in just the time I've been gone?" Iris asked, only half-jokingly as it closed behind them.

"I could almost believe it," Yunyun agreed. "And thank you all for being patient. My son, Sagittarius and our contracted spirit Beatrice," she added to me, the only one they hadn't met apparently.

We entered what must have been the main parlor, since it was the biggest room I'd seen glancing through a few doors as we passed through the entryway to it. Once we were all inside, the chief gestured and a chest high honest to gods stone golem materialized from a bare spot on the wall to totter over to the sideboard and start mixing drinks. Meanwhile, Rain settled herself on the sofa opposite the one Iris had guided us to. Yunyun followed Rain once the mixology was in progress. "You gave us the highlights, your Majesty. But I think all of us would much appreciate hearing the details of your adventure."

Iris gladly obliged them. While she wasn't as gleefully over the top in making me out to be some sort of epic badass, she definitely dropped most of the credit squarely at my feet. By the end of it even I was half convinced I'd done something really cool. Instead of mostly spending the evening dripping everywhere and feeling like I'd never breathe right again.

"More's the pity you weren't able to finish her off," Rain commented once Iris finished. "I apologize, my queen. Had you even a few more hours of time from our device we might have been rid of Seresdina for good."

I cleared my throat. "She didn't seem like she had any way back though, do you think they'll launch a rescue mission?"

"Not a chance," Iris declared. "Given what our program cost, only total success could possibly justify their investment. With not only the bribe gone, but her trapped and news of your arrival underlining her failure as well…" she smiled grimly. "The Demon King has a short way with those who disappoint him, even if a mission were launched I doubt she'd thank them for it."

That chilling little thought delivered, Iris continued. "But first, we need to bring you up to snuff. I've spent way too much getting you over here to let that go to waste because you weren't up to the challenge ahead."

Now that…that sounded dangerously like work. And exactly the kind of annoying level grinding that I did my damndest to avoid anytime I could help it. Which was bad enough to do in front of a keyboard. Doing it outside? With no air conditioning? That sounded like the gym class from hell.

"Ah, maybe I should take some time to get acclimated to living here before taking on more. I've got a lot to learn just about, well, everything. Lots to catch up on," I suggested. And with any luck, I could continue to 'learn' and ease myself into more of a strategist, idea guy, kind of role. Studying sucked, but if it was that or sweat buckets in the Great Outdoors? No contest.

"That you do, so I'm afraid your evenings will be rather full as well," Iris smiled brightly, clearly having none of it. "We should be able to spare a month, I understand Monster Farming is quite efficient but how far do you think he can get in that time?" she asked Yunyun.

The chief frowned thoughtfully, sipping the drink her golem had served us all as Iris told her story. "One Punch Bears are in their mating season, there should be plenty of them to harvest for XP. There used to be a Fenrir deeper in that would've been perfect for a good boost, but I'm afraid the Bomber took care it…" she mused.

"A Bomber?" I asked. "Like an airplane, or what?"

"Not at all, the Bomber is no fairy tale. It's very real, many of the clan have seen it," Yunyun chuckled. "It's a relic that has stalked the forest around the Village for generations. Harmless to us Crimson Demons, but sudden death to trespassers."

Iris had a look on her face I'd soon come to treat with dread. "That sounds like a perfect first target! Kazuma gets some levels for skills, and the danger is removed. All in a day's work for a queen…"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Rain, Yunyun, and I shouted in unintentional stereo.

"I don't recall any of you being in a position to give me orders," Iris observed coolly, eyeing us with a glint in her eyes I didn't need experience with her to know was trouble.

"I apologize for my outburst, your Majesty," Rain replied quickly, "but that simply isn't wise. Allowing you to risk yourself against the Bomber Moguninnin would be too irresponsible. Lady Claire would never forgive us!"

Clearly I needed to meet this Lady Claire as soon as possible, she sounded like she had sense. Needless to say, I agreed with Rain wholeheartedly and said so when she finished. What I didn't say was that I agreed because stomping around a monster infested forest looking for some legendary super monster sounded even worse than the gym nightmare they were already planning.

Unfortunately, Belzerg relied on a 'one person, one vote system.' Iris was the one person who had the one vote.

Fortunately, Iris saw reason and was willing to 'just' do a quick search for some One Punch Bears to start off with after Yunyun weighed in as the local expert.

So the next morning, I found myself stomping through a trackless, monster infested forest alongside a hung over archwizard and a peppy royal.

"Bukkorori said he saw a pack of bears a few days ago to the north, maybe two hours walk," Komekko supplied, gritting her teeth against the early morning sun. "So even if they've moved, the trail should still be fresh."

"I wondered something last night. They said the Bomber is no threat to the Clan. But why is it dangerous to outsiders? You have people in the Village all the time as tourists or merchants. Does it just avoid the road?" I asked her.

"Yes, but also it's a specific kind of Outsider it hates." Komekko agreed readily. "Most of the tourists here are really high level parties here to train in the forest. And if the Bomber sees one that has a man with several young women it will attack immediately with Detonation magic, while screaming something about 'exploding normies'."

Oh, well that was a relief. I was about as far from a normie as you'd get. I'd spent the last several years avoiding anything resembling 'youth' or even 'meatspace' in general. I should be fine walking through these woods…

With a younger, cute, brunette haired archwizard girl. I turned, dread building. And an older, sexy, blonde Lady of War.

"You knew this party was perfect bait, didn't you?" I asked them both resignedly.

Silence.

'Son of a bitch.' I groaned to myself.