Kazuma's turn

After getting directions from Megumin, I headed out after Sylphina showed up. All the soapworks were zoned outside the walls along with the rest of the smelly and/or dangerous industries like leather tanning or glue and tallow rendering. So I had a little bit of a hike, almost an hour.

I checked the sign against what our looniest, but amazingly not most dangerous, wizard sketched for me, and sure enough it matched. A blue square balancing on one corner with a second smaller square outlined in white set inside it.

Putting away the sketch, I pushed through the doors.

Inside smelled much better than the street thanks to several scented candles burning and the scent of the bins of soap lined up along the light blue plastered wooden walls. At the back was a dark stained wooden counter, tended by a woman wearing a navy blue dress. She was pretty in a blonde, blue eyed way that reminded me a little of what Iris might look like in her late 30s. Though her hands and forearms had the rough texture and a few scars and burns of someone who worked with them day in and day out, rather than the calluses and muscle of a professional soldier.

"Can I help you, sir?" she asked as I walked up, trying to be cheerful in spite of it being a slow day judging by the lack of customers inside.

Seeing a chance to fulfill a little fantasy of mine, I drew myself up and announced grandly. "Indeed you may, madam. I come here today with this royal writ, and request and require your compliance. I must obtain all the lye you have on the premises, the stronger and more concentrated the more pleased I shall be." I slid across the sealed writ as I did, and smiled at the look of shock on her face as she took it and unsealed the wax. "Naturally, you will be compensated for your assistance."

She nodded, her face first going from shock and a bit of fear to consideration as she read the writ, followed by irritation as she set it back on the counter and gave me an exasperated look.

"Sir…" she began in a patient tone I knew all too well was going to be trouble.

"Kazuma," I supplied. "And I trust you have no problem with fulfilling my request?"

"Right. Sir Kazuma. Did you actually read this writ before you shoved it at me?"

"I know what it says…"

"So then you know that you have permission to buy what you need for this task of yours out of your funds, and request reimbursement from the treasury for it?" she asked sweetly. "Not to walk off with my entire stock of a critical ingredient for making my products? And maybe I get paid, one of these days?" She grinned at me and leaned over the counter to rest her elbows on it. "In that case, certainly, let's do business! I'm Cecily, and I'll be taking your money today! Don't bother going elsewhere, I can get word out faster than you can walk."

I snatched up the writ, crumpling it slightly in my hands as I hurriedly read. Sure enough, that was what it said, and damn Claire to all the hells for it. And damn me for taking the blonde bitch at her word, I admitted as I let it fall back to the counter.

Closing my eyes, I stuffed the primal scream of fury and embarrassment I could feel bubbling up into a little box and tried to smile back at her. "Fantastic. So, Cecily. What do you have in stock, and what's your price?"

"An apology for nearly giving me a heart attack would be a good place to start. But I'll settle for, hmmm. Let's say 2000 eris per liter of my usual strength. If you want it concentrated, that'll cost you, it's more dangerous that way and takes me time and fuel to do it. I can get it all the way down to a paste though if you're willing to spend the eris for it."

"We both know you marked that up at least double," I countered. "I'll pay 2000, but only if it's in the paste form. And how much do you have in stock anyway? I was planning to visit several places."

That brought a frown, and she regarded me critically. "Boiled down to paste? Probably two hundred kilos. The question is what you could possibly want that much for. You don't look the sort that worries about disposing of corpses."

I thought quickly, from what I saw and read of Hans, he was the size of a small house in his true form, that much plain water would weigh hundreds of tons. Nevermind all the gel and goop dissolved in him that would make him even heavier. A fifth of a ton of lye seemed like a tiny amount to neutralize that much acid.

"What about your neighboring shops? Any idea what they might have?" I asked instead.

"About the same, I'd wager. Still curious what you're up to."

"Something that got me a royal writ to back it. That's all I can say," I snapped.

Cecily eyed me another minute, then sighed. "Answer me one thing. Is it true General Hans was the one who tried to breach the castle?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, two of my partymates were there and saw him. Why?"

In reply, she pulled up her necklace where I could see it. It had the same emblem as her sign, but I hadn't thought anything of it. "I serve the greater glory of Lady Aqua as one of her priestesses, and Hans is responsible for defiling her holy sanctuary of Arcanretia. I became one of her senior clerics because most of those higher leveled than me died keeping his poison from spreading outside the city. Now most of us work making our signature products to sell for cash, to fund the most devoted of my brothers and sisters cleaning up the atrocity he left behind!"

Her eyes began to take on a faintly bluish glow as she spoke, reminding me of Komekko or Megumin when they started to get agitated. "So your 'request' happening right after he shows up tells me everything I need to know." She pushed the writ back across the counter at me. "This is no good here. Get out of my shop."

"Now wait just a damned…!"

"Come back here at the fourth bell," she went on, talking over my protest. "And bring a wagon."

With that, Cecily brushed past me and held the door open, flipping the sign to 'closed' as I passed through it.

Deciding that I could kill a couple hours in a tavern near the walls as well as anywhere, and be less likely to be given work in the meantime, I did just that by having a long lunch. And never did I more appreciate the food inside the castle or the Village. That done, I rented a wagon as asked and was leading the cart horse back to Cecily's when I noticed a bit of a crowd outside.

As I pulled up there was a group of half a dozen people, all in that same navy blue as Cecily, plus the priestess herself.

"Welcome, Sir Kazuma!" the priestess greeted, red faced and sweating in spite of the nice weather. "Your order is ready. My brethren and I emptied out our stock cabinets, the rest we leave to you."

At that, a pair of burly looking men and a woman who wasn't that much bigger than Cecily but must have been using some sort of strength buff began quickly loading divided wood boxes padded with straw, within which were glass bottles with lids tied shut.

The rest gathered around me, all with the same eerie blue glow that Cecily had earlier. "Blessings of our Lady go with you, Sir Kazuma," one of them said, laying a hand the size of a frying pan on my shoulder. The peg leg and missing fingers told me why he wasn't helping load. Another took his place as he hobbled back, wishing me luck this time. One by one they each took my hand or shoulder, wishing me luck or providing a blessing or buff. Finally Cecily took her turn.

"Our Lady will smooth your path, and should you fall know you will have a place at Her side," she intoned softly. "Greater Blessing!"

"Thanks, I'll make it count," I replied, a little choked up in spite of myself. I took hold of the reins, and led the carthorse onwards into the city.

For the first time in my life being a shitty liar actually worked out for me.

Maybe Aqua wasn't so bad, if she had followers like this.

Iris' turn

"Your appointment is here, your majesty," my clerk announced from the office I'd taken over in the Eris cathedral. The palace reconstruction was well under way, but for now I saw no reason to move when the fuss was likely to cost time and effort we needed elsewhere.

One of the things needing to be dealt with walked into my office and flourished a bow.

"My thanks for agreeing to my request on such short notice, your majesty!" my visitor proclaimed. "I simply could not remain at rest, knowing the depth of my failure to uphold my oath!"

"Rise, Captain Mitsurugi," I answered, doing my best to hide my irritation. "Please, do tell me of your request." He was another byproduct of my other self's memories. The princess had known he was present at the final battle in the Demon King's very throne room and acquitted himself well. Plus, he was known somewhat at court even before I received those visions. Promoting him to command one of the three Royal Guard companies was a just reward for such achievements, even if he hadn't strictly accomplished them yet.

At the time it had seemed like a good idea.

"Your mercy knows no bounds, your majesty," he said mournfully. "But I must protest its generosity here. Having the palace become damaged, to such an extent even, under my watch is a blemish on my honor that might only be expunged with my own hands. I seek your leave to do just that in any way I might. Furthermore…"

Two years later, I'd long since both developed and confirmed my doubts. It was as though he had memorized all the best lines of the great plays of knightly virtue, and repeated them at the slightest provocation in any situation they might apply. Though there was a certain sort of woman that thrived on such, witness his two paramours, I was not among them. In a boy just past marrying age that failing might be forgiven, but for a man of twenty eight it smacked of an unbecoming immaturity.

Knowing from prior experience this might go on for some time if I allowed it, I interjected. "Your penitence speaks well of you, Sir Mitsurugi. Did you have some specific task in mind?"

He nodded sharply. "Indeed I do. It has come to my attention that Sir Kazuma brought a large quantity of something into the palace grounds yesterday. Upon my own investigation, I determined that such a staggering quantity of a dangerous substance had no place within the walls and ordered it moved. I was then told it was at your orders it be kept where it was."

I nodded agreement, this was no surprise since Kazuma had sent me a message. Nor had it required any great deductive skills, given a guard captain had access to most secure areas and the bottles were all clearly labeled with their contents. Which reminded me, I needed to check in with him tonight. Bringing in eleven hundred kilos of lye paste smelled of him being Up To Something, and simple prudence required I find out what it was.

"I did so order. I'll not divulge the reasons for it at this time, but rest assured I am aware. If you see the need to post a watch I would have no objection." Though anyone fool enough to tamper with that cargo probably deserved what they got.

"That would greatly ease my mind, your majesty," he bowed with another flourish. And a thought struck me. I disliked stirring someone else's stew, but we were also without a shield thanks to Claire's ultimatum…

"Tell me, Sir Kyouya. Would you be interested in a suggestion?"

Kazuma's turn

I looked the handsome bastard up and down, from armored boots to gold tiara looking thing, and wondered what I'd done to piss off Iris this time as we stood outside the stall my wagon occupied outside the palace stables.

Pursing my lips, I met his eyes again. "So let me get this straight. You want to come along on my little errand so you can redeem yourself for something that, let's be honest, wasn't really your fault in the first place? Because your 'knightly honor' will accept nothing less?"

"Indeed," he agreed pompously. "And it has come to my attention that your proposed party will lack any who might be qualified for a front line role," he paused, eyeing me in return. "With the exception of yourself, I suppose…" he trailed off, making it very clear what he thought of my abilities there. Tempted as I was to punch the smug jerk for that, he was right. If soloing Wolbach had taught me anything it was that a rookie swordsman had no business tangling with any General, even a magic focused one.

"And you humbly nominate yourself for the job?" I asked with enough sarcasm to overload my wagon.

"Quite so. As a Swordmaster class I would be the ideal match," he agreed without batting an eye. "And as a hero of the people and veteran of years of adventuring, her majesty was certain I was tailor made for the role."

I was certain I was going to have a very hard time keeping the 'lese' out of my 'majeste' when I met up with her tonight after she foisted this jackass off on me, no matter how good he was with that can opener. Undaunted, he took my smoldering annoyance for agreement.

"However…" Kyouya frowned dramatically, but raised voices interrupted us both.

"Kazuma, Kazuma!" Megumin proclaimed, echoing off the stone walls. "I require your assistance! I must test fire my magic at the soonest opportunity and my disloyal sibling refuses to do her duty!"

Flanking the supposedly oldest of my temporary party were Sylphina and Komekko, neither of whom were moved by her plea.

"That's my name, and I'm in the middle of something, here," I called back.

Megumin's eyes lighted and she made a beeline towards us, ears and tail twitching. "What could possibly be more important than certifying the trump card of our entire plan is fit for action! I…" she finally caught sight of Sir Kyouya, though he wasn't hard to miss. Sylphina and Komekko had both noticed right away, the taller keeping a strictly neutral expression and nod of greeting, the other ignoring him entirely.

"Ladies, my apologies for borrowing your leader. I was just discussing a small matter with Sir Kazuma, if you give me a moment I can be on my way." With that, he took me by the shoulder and steered us away a bit with our backs to them.

"Two Crimsons? Bold move, bro. And Lady Sylphina as well? Trust me, way out of your league," he muttered to me, dropping his courtly accent like he'd never left Tokyo. "But if you're trying for the golden ending then YOLO, right? She'll probably just turn you down gently, so nothing to lose. Now, the thing about keeping a relationship with more than one girl going is you never, ever want any of them to feel left out. Either do everything together as much as possible, or make damned sure to split your time with each of them evenly, and either way pay attention to them!" he hissed, prodding me with one finger.

I batted it away, as best I could, the man was freakishly strong if he had nothing else going for him. "The hell?! Why do you even think that's a thing?! I'm not into their kind of crazy!" I mean even without Iris, really? Sylphina seemed convinced I was ten, and even if I was into furry, and I wasn't, I could just imagine what the pillow talk with Megumin would be like. And as for her sister…maybe she could just summon me a nice succubus? Even a literal sex demon had to be less dangerous than her route.

Kyouya chuckled knowingly. "I don't judge, no judgment here," he assured me, removing his hand and spreading both placatingly. "Fio, Clemea, and I have been together for years. Best thing that ever happened to me. But it sounds like your girls do want you for something, so I'll catch up later. Remember what I said, and good hunting!" He gave me a finger gun hidden from the trio and sauntered off, his knightly demeanor instantly wrapping itself around him like…that…had never happened.

I walked back to the girls, still fighting a bit of whiplash.

"Well?!" Megumin pressed. "Will you help usher in the glorious age of Explosion, or not?"

Deciding to ignore that for a second, I said, "Her majesty sent him over to be our frontliner, since she's not going along."

Sylphina's neutral expression deepened into a frown. "I see. He is capable enough with a sword," she allowed grudgingly.

Komekko snorted, then threw her cape back. "You speak to the foremost summoner of the Crimson Demon Clan! I need no mere tank when my legions of vassals stand ready to assist me!" she proclaimed grandly. Then she shrugged. "But, if he wants to save me the trouble, then I don't mind."

Right. Dammit, I might have to thank that jackass after all. Shaking my head, I found Megumin practically vibrating as she bounced on her toes. "You can only use it once a day, we're leaving tomorrow. Are you going to be ready if we need it then?"

Grinning, she pulled out a pouch of manatite and spilled out five pieces into her palm. "And then some!"

I sighed, and nodded. "Fine, why not. Might as well see what we're working with. Heaven knows if you choke on your first time I'd rather it be now."

The little wizard seemed to swell up like a balloon, glaring back at me. "I will have you know I am a veteran of many Explosions! My experience is vast, and my prowess undeniable!"

"Sure, sure. Come on, we can all go. Just teleport us somewhere nobody cares about, please." I asked Komekko. I turned towards the stable doors and said over my shoulder. "And better have a healer on standby for this. Plus, I'm not carrying her alone."

Megumin sniffed haughtily, but followed with quick steps. "A gentleman would consider it an honor to assist a lady in her time of need."

Komekko barked a laugh, making Sylphina look at her curiously.

Clearly the younger sister knew me too well.