Chapter beta'd by RhaenaTargaryen
Thank you for the reviews on the previous chapter, Princess Rosalind of Underland, and RhaenaTargaryen
Thank you for the reviews on the earlier chapters Ricardo Machado
Ricardo Machado, regarding your questions/comments about the boat, etc:
This fic is actually a continuation of another fic of mine, A Lannister always pays his debts. In that fiction Tyrion has them brought back to life by a red priest. Regarding the small boat, that is straight from canon. As in the episode where Jaime is heading to find/rescue Cersei they show him glancing at the boat that Tyrion mentioned in that same episode. Cersei and Jaime had no say/were in no situation to decide how they would escape. That was all Tyrion's doing, he was the one who choose the boat in canon, and I just kept with that choice in my fictions. In chapter 4 of this fic though we do learn that there was a scroll in their bag with instructions on how to get to a larger boat, but unfortunately because of the monkeys the scroll blew away without them ever finding it. As for why there wasn't more planning, well they kind of had to rush as Daenerys or anyone still loyal to her could've came back to the ruins of the red keep at any moment.
Chapter summary: Jaime and Cersei finally discuss some difficult things and things get rather explosive.
This is one of my favorite chapters I have ever written.
It was their third day on the sailboat, and their journey was nearing its end. They would make it to Pentos by nightfall. Following their argument, Cersei had been avoiding him, and in spite, he had begun to do the same, making certain to sleep as soon as she woke.
He had just woken up from a short but restful sleep. In truth, he hadn't even been that tired when he'd decided to nap, but Cersei's cold silence and glares were grating on him. What he hadn't expected was to wake up to her crying.
She was sitting towards the front of the boat with her back to him crying. Not just crying. Sobbing.
He hadn't seen her cry like this since they had come back from the dead. She had shed some tears when they had been on the monkey ridden island as she called it, but this time, from the sounds of things, she was sobbing, almost hysterically so.
He walked over towards her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?" He asked.
She ignored him and he asked again. She wiped her tears away and stood, walking a few steps away from him until there was nowhere further to go without turning back.
"Cersei?" The name had escaped his lips before he'd realized his error. He would have to get used to using her new name. They wouldn't be able to afford such slip-ups in Essos.
He inquired again.
"It's nothing," she replied, finally turning to face him.
He raised an eyebrow. "Nothing? You're crying because of nothing?"
"The baby isn't moving again. What if it's died because I haven't had proper food in days?"
He sensed that she was crying over more than that, but decided to reassure her about that particular worry. "You haven't been going without that much. You've had bananas-"
"I don't think I ever want to eat another banana again."
She had eaten dozens of them in the past few days, finishing the last of them yesterday, so to hear her say such wasn't surprising. Undeterred, he continued, "You've also had salt mutton and lots of pine nuts. In any case, we should make it to Pentos before nightfall."
"And then what? Thanks to you not killing that man, people will probably be looking for us. I am surprised he himself did not seem to recognize us!"
"We were dirty and dressed in rags, and he was drunk out of his mind. You worry for nothing," he stated. In truth, if the man did put two and two together, it would be her fault for referring to him by name. His old name. He wasn't about to tell her that though. It would at best cause her to worry more, and at worst cause an argument.
"Perhaps you should worry more. You might be less careless then."
He decided he needed to somehow get her mind off of her hunger and worry. "Tell me about your time in the Red Keep. What happened after I went North?"
"Do you think I really want to talk about that, when I will never be Queen again?"
"Then tell me something you do want to talk about."
"I don't want to talk about anything," she replied. She started to walk past him.
He grabbed her arm gently, stopping her. "We should talk about something. I'm not tired any longer, nor do you seem to be. We have several hours until we reach Pentos and it will make it pass quicker."
She looked him square in the eyes. "You want to talk about something? Fine. What happens when we get to Pentos?"
Why was she asking something of which the answer to was obvious? "We find a place to get a meal and somewhere to stay the night."
"And then what?"
"I don't know." Why was she asking? She'd obviously already made up her mind that they would not be staying in Pentos.
She wrestled away from his grip and moved to sit down. She was quiet for a few moments and he thought the conversation over, when suddenly he glanced at her. She was looking at him as though he had greatly wounded her. "You didn't kiss me," she said, in an accusatory tone.
"I...what?"
"Not before we died and you haven't after."
He moved to sit next to her. "We've been in dire circumstances."
"We've been in dire circumstances our entire lives. It's never stopped you before."
A moment of silence passed. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to kiss her, but she had tried to kill him! And then there was the matter of all the lies and unspoken truths between them.
"Are you going to say anything?" She asked.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Anything. You could start with why you left me!"
"You threatened to have the Mountain kill me! What did you expect?"
"Only because you were a damned fool. What good did you, as a one-handed man do for the North, anyway?"
She dared to mention that? If she'd only been agreeable he could have done a lot more. Then perhaps Daenerys wouldn't have lost Jorah, and maybe, just maybe wouldn't have burnt King's Landing down. "I could have done a lot more if I'd had the Lannister troops!"
She smirked at him. "Well, the living won anyway, didn't they? So you left me for nothing."
"That's not true. I kept my promise to fight for the living. I showed that I was a man of honor and helped defend you and our child against the dead."
She scoffed at him. "You made no difference in that battle! And look at what good your honor did! My reign ended and King's Landing in ruins! You should have found a way to kill her when you were in the North!"
"That we can agree on, but I do not regret going North."
A few more moments of silence followed and she turned her back towards him. He knew they should talk about things, but she was already so upset with him. The past few days he had begun to wonder if it might be better if she never knew the truth about his relationship with Brienne. Now, finally, he came to a decision. He would not tell her. It wasn't as though he was lying to her. He just was refraining from telling her something which had happened. Unburdening his conscience would be selfish after all, as it would only upset and enrage her.
Cersei's voice cut through his thoughts. "You would have left even if I hadn't threatened to kill you."
He detected the sadness in her voice that she was trying to mask. Still, he didn't deny it. "I made a vow."
"A vow to our enemy. Just as you did all those years ago."
"If you mean the Stark girls, I didn't expect them to be found alive."
"The Stark girls. The fight against the dead. Do you think I did not notice the common factor in both?"
"The common factor? You mean that I wish to be a knight actually worthy of the name?"
"No. Her."
"Her?"
"Yes, her. If she, or rather it, can be called that."
His stomach dropped. He was glad Cersei had turned her face away from him, for he feared what reaction he was showing. He watched from the corner of his eye as she watched the waves of the sea while he tried to calm himself. Then in as steady of a voice as possible, he asked, "She?" as though he did not already know of whom his twin was referring to.
She stood up and glared down at him. "That ugly cow. Brienne. Brienne of Tarth."
He realized now that he would have to tell her everything. She might even have irrefutable proof, though why she had not confronted him sooner was a mystery. Before he could form words to break the news gently, she was speaking again.
"I talked to her at Joffrey's wedding feast before that old bitch murdered him. I knew she loved you. She didn't even try to deny it, she just excused herself from my presence! That she had our family sword at the Dragon Pit didn't escape me, either."
"Our family sword?" He asked, dumbfounded. "Are you referring to Ned Stark's sword?
She turned towards him finally, any earlier traces of sorrow now replaced by cold fury. "What else would I be referring to? That traitor's sword became our family's sword the second that we had it melted down and reforged!" She glared at him, but behind the glare he could see hurt. "I knew at that wedding feast that she loved you. I never would have thought you could love her back. Yet it's so obvious now. While you were in the North you had some sort of relationship with that hideous beast. Perhaps even promised to marry her. Did you fuck her too? Was it like fucking a man?"
Loved her? She thought he loved Brienne? He tried to form words to explain that yes, he fucked Brienne. Yes, he had felt something for the honorable pale-haired knight, but it hadn't held a candle to what he felt for the woman sitting with him in this rowboat. He had made his choice and did not regret it. He opened his mouth to reassure her that in the end, he realized it was only his twin, his other half that he could truly love. He stood up, and stood face to face with her. "In a relationship with her? Yes, that I was, but-"
"But what? I have always, always been faithful to you! And you couldn't do the same?!"
He felt the sharp sting of a hand on his cheek. The slap didn't surprise him, he was only surprised that it hadn't come earlier in the conversation. He rubbed his stinging cheek as her words sunk in. She had always been faithful? Had she gone completely mad? "You've always been faithful?! That's a fucking laugh."
"I have."
"Euron Greyjoy? Lancel Lannister?"
She looked shocked. "Lancel? How-"
"Tyrion told me one night in the North."
"You were gone. You left me! And I needed him!"
"Left you?! I was trying to rescue Tyrion!"
"You should have been in the Red Keep, with me!"
"You wanted me to get him back from the Starks!"
"If I'd known you'd be incompetent enough to get captured I would have insisted you leave that imp to rot in the sky cells!"
"That does not excuse you fucking our cousin! You said you needed him? Needed him for what, exactly? To comfort you at night? I'm sure it must have been terribly hard for you, being in the Red Keep surrounded by maids, servants and eating fancy food while I was in captivity."
"Need I remind you who else was in the Red Keep with me? I needed Lancel to kill my oaf of a husband."
"What? A boar killed Robert," he stated, confused.
"Of course it did. Because I had Lancel get him drunk enough that he would make a mistake," she replied triumphantly.
He eyed her in shock. He'd had no idea. All this time, he had thought Robert's drinking had finally done him in. He supposed it still had, but he never would have suspected Robert was goaded on to drink by Lancel of all people. "That was your plan? Get him drunk and hope he made a mistake? And you say I'm the stupidest Lannister."
"It worked, didn't it?"
Well, she had a point there. Still, he'd wanted to kill Robert for years and she'd always told him the time wasn't right or it was too risky. Apparently, it was Lancel who she finally considered worthy enough to do the old boar in. He felt jealousy stir in him.
"You know, if you had wanted Robert dead so bad I would have certainly helped with such a plan. You didn't need to wait until I was kidnapped and then go behind my back and fuck and conspire with Lancel!"
"I saw no need to tell you. Lancel helped me do what needed to be done. Nothing more."
"If you thought your plan was so justified, why did you never tell me of it? I had to find out from Tyrion, years after the fact." He paused and looked her square in the eyes. "How many times have you lied to me?"
"Lies?! You dare to speak to me of lies? Were you ever planning to tell me of your little tryst with that giant cow? You seemed quite content to not say anything until you knew I knew."
"You want to know the truth? Until her, I never fucked anybody else but you in all my life. Yes, I fucked her. Many, many times. And you fucked Lancel Lannister! And Euron Greyjoy! And you probably fucked the court jester too, for all I know!"
"I fucked Euron Greyjoy because I had to! You left me in a sea of enemies and false friends! Qyburn was the only one I could trust! He knew well as I did that I had to convince Euron the child was his! I couldn't exactly do so without sleeping with him!"
"What happened to your whole spiel about telling everybody that I was the father? I suppose that was just another lie of yours."
"I wanted to! Then you left! What was I to do?"
"And if I had stayed you expect me to believe you would have told the world I was the father?"
"What should it matter? You fucked that ugly man-woman before then, hadn't you? While you were her prisoner. I knew I should have had Qyburn check for her maidenhead!"
He certainly had not done such and he was insulted that she would even suggest such a thing. He reasoned that he shouldn't assure her that no, he hadn't. Why did she deserve to know such a thing when she was so unapologetic for fucking Lancel and Euron? And had there been others? And how could she act as though she was the wronged one when her sins didn't even end there? She had ordered his death for fucks sake!
"So, is that why you sent Bronn to kill me? Because you thought I was in love with another woman all these years?"
"No."
"Then, why?"
"You left me to die, what did you expect?"
He didn't expect that answer and couldn't hide the shock from his voice. "I left you to die?"
"When you left to ally with the Dragon bitch," she clarified.
He eyed her as if she truly had gone mad. It was the same look he had given her when she'd first told him Tyrion had killed Joffrey. The same look he had given her when she'd told him Tommen had betrayed them both. He knew she hated that look. He sighed heavily before replying."I left to fight the dead."
"Yes, because of her."
He wasn't sure if she was referring to Brienne or Daenerys. It mattered not. He had left to prove himself an honorable man. How could she not see that she wasn't the only one who wanted to be remembered in the history books? "Our child would have died if the dead had marched south!"
She scoffed. "Our child did die! We died! You as one man made no difference in that stupid little war."
"And it would have made a difference if I'd agreed with your plans to send no troops and stayed with you in the Red Keep?"
"Perhaps if you had stayed you would have been able to figure out a way to do away with those dragons."
"I'm the stupidest Lannister. I couldn't possibly have been of any use to you," he stated bitterly.
"I suppose you're probably right there."
"Perhaps if you had sent our troops North, Jorah Mormont would not have died," he said.
"Why does that matter? I'm glad that traitor is dead."
"Well, my point is, that perhaps if he had lived. and perhaps if Euron fucking Greyjoy hadn't shot down one of Daenery's two remaining dragons and captured Missandei. Maybe, just maybe, Daenerys wouldn't have done what she did."
She rolled her eyes. "You can't blame me. It wouldn't have changed anything. She was as mad as her father."
"Is anybody ever truly mad? Or do people just do mad acts because people drive them to do such?"
"So the Mad King wasn't mad then?" She retorted.
Her reminder of the Mad King stung and he found himself at a loss for words. "He was...he was...insane. Daenerys had her sanity; she acted out of hatred and vengeance. Much like you did many times."
"So you blame me then. Well, perhaps you can sail us on back to Westeros and get yourself a lovely castle, perhaps even Highgarden, for turning me in to that dragon bitch."
"I would never do that."
She did not reply. Several moments passed before Jaime could stand it no longer. "I do not see how me riding North, when I did not even have any men with me, equates to me leaving you to die." Of course, a few men had followed him later, but they'd been inconsequential.
"When you joined the North, what did you think would happen to me when she came back with her troops and dragons?"
He shrugged. "I suppose I hadn't thought of it much."
"You hadn't thought of it much? Why? Too busy making plans with your hideous beast?"
"I simply assumed you would either step down for the sake of our child, or be captured and released to me or Tyrion."
"I would never have stepped down! I was the rightful Queen! And if you really thought that she would have ever done that then you are the mad one."
"Perhaps so. Perhaps not. Certainly not after you had Missandei beheaded, perhaps not even before that, after Rhaegal was shot down it may have already been too late. But before that? I suppose we'll never know." He paused then asked again, "So explain again why exactly did you send Bronn to kill me? Which, by the way, poor choice. The man's terribly easy to buy, you do know."
"Perhaps I did it to see if he could be trusted."
"That is a lie if I ever heard one. If you thought him unloyal, you would have killed him."
"Perhaps I wanted to scare you."
He looked at her closely. "I don't buy that either."
Cersei sighed, "You really want to know the truth?" She supposed there was nothing left to lose now. He clearly didn't love her anymore. He must have come back to save their child, not her. He probably had planned to raise it with the ugly cow. Anger raged inside her at the thought. She made a note to keep the jewels close to her and keep her distance from him. She would get far away from him before he ever had the chance. "You were there for so long in the North. I got no word of the Dragon bitches death. I knew if you were still alive you would have surely killed her. Unless you had allied yourself with her in support of her claim for the throne. You knew countless secrets, including the secret tunnel into the Keep, as did Tyrion. I did what had to be done since you could no longer be trusted."
"Why not send Bronn to murder her then?" He asked, sounding obviously upset.
She smirked at him. "I wanted her to suffer first. I had hoped to capture her and have the Mountain give her experiences that even Unella did not get the privilege of."
"I suppose I should be relieved you didn't wish the same for me. Though I must say I'm rather surprised that you were willing to give Tyrion the same mercy."
"Yes, well so was I. Now if you don't mind, or even if you do, I would like to be left alone now."
He respected her wishes and it was not until they were approaching land that his statement of "Look's like we've made it," broke the stony silence that had lingered for the past several hours.
Doing something different this time! Since this is one my favorite chapters of this story, I would like some unsolicited feedback from outside of reddit and my friends this time. If I get at least 2 such comments on this chapter, each being at least 30 words minimum, than I will upload the next chapter in a week, otherwise I will upload 2 weeks from today.
You can let me know your favorite part of the dialogue, what you think will happen next, or anything about the chapter. Bet you all were expecting an actual storm, not a storm of emotions!
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