A/N: This chapter was so hard to get out, specifically the last portion. Not sure why, but here we are.
Please leave comments, tell me what you like, what you want to see more of, what you look forward to, etc.
Next chapter the two sisters will be leaving for the Conclave :) We're fast forwarding a bit again.
UNEDITED. Leave a comment!
also, just an fyi, I cannot get the formatting to work on FFN. It just doesn't. If you'd like to read it with better formatting, you can find this on AO3 under the username ar_lath_ma
When Ellana arrived with the Keeper, Faelyn, and a group of hunter's in tow, she found Amaryllis at her father's side, hands gripping his torn shirt, face pressed into his chest. His eyes were open as if he were watching the clouds travel across the sky, his mouth spread into a sweet, content smile.
She knew. The moment she saw him, she knew.
Her knees shook. Her fingers clenched her long sleeves tightly into balls in her fists and she pressed them against her eyes, willing away her tears, willing away the vision of Mihris's blood-soaked makeshift bandages and his chest, still and unmoving, like a stone.
She heard the hunters swear. Faelyn gasped and cried into her palm. When Ellana pulled her hands away from her face, trying to catch even a semblance of a breath, she saw Keeper Deshanna gracefully bend at Amaryllis's side, patting her back and attempting to pull her away from her father's body. She did not move, either.
"Amaryllis?" Keeper spoke softly, pushing the hair back from her face. Faelyn went to Ellana and held her against her shoulder, rocking her back and forth in her arms as the girl bawled. Amaryllis's eyes were closed, though tears still poured from the sides. "She has used far too much mana."
One of the hunters crouched at Mihris's side, running a hand over the fallen man's eyes to close them. "Is she alright?"
"She fainted, but she should be fine after some rest."
Faelyn took in the chaos around them: the bodies of four massive wolves, slain, pools of blood surrounding them. She shuddered and pressed her face against the top of Ellana's head, closing her eyes, letting her tears fall freely.
Keeper Deshanna pulled Amaryllis's limp body away and lifted her into her arms, but not without stumbling first. The girl had grown much since the first time she'd laid eyes on her, and she was surely taller than the Keeper now. Eldrin approached to help, but she shook her head.
"No, I will take her." She said. "Please help the others."
With gentle hands the hunters raised Mihris onto a stretcher. One took the top, while another took hold of the bottom, and they lifted. Ellana moved away from Faelyn to her father's side, taking his swiftly cooling hand in hers while her heart constricted in her chest.
Together they escorted Mihris home.
Amaryllis woke suddenly with a start as her head hit familiar fur blankets. She tried to sit up but quickly became dizzy. Firm hands kept her from falling, pressing the edge of a bottle to her lips, helping her swallow small mouthfuls until her head stopped pounding and her vision stopped spinning. She could feel the itchy skin of her forearm stitching itself back together while the potion worked its magic.
Faelyn was by her side, rubbing circles into her upper arms. Amaryllis took notice of the redness of the woman's eyes and the wetness of her unusually pale cheeks. It was then she remembered.
"How long have I been out?" She rose to her knees and took her time standing, using the older woman's steady grip for support.
Faelyn's voice cracked as she spoke. "Not long. We just got back."
"Have they started yet?" Amaryllis made to exit the Keeper's tent but the clan healer stopped her with a shake of her head.
"You should rest more, Lis. The others are helping."
"No," she objected. "Ellana needs my help. I can't sleep knowing she's doing this on her own."
"Alright." Faelyn sighed and stepped back, allowing Amaryllis to walk out the doorway. "If you start to feel sick, don't push yourself. Mihris wouldn't want you to hurt yourself for him."
The woman's comment sent a sharp pang of regret and sadness through her, causing Amaryllis to grip the front of her sullied dress in an attempt to control her breathing. When she stepped forward and into camp she saw the clan gathered around, preparing to build the pyre, keeping their distance from the departed to give his family time to grieve. Ellana was beside her father, pressing the back of his hand to her forehead. Her eyes were closed and her shoulders were slumped forward, shaking though she made no sound.
Amaryllis slid quietly to her side and pressed close, sliding her arm around her sister's trembling form. She pressed her face into Amaryllis's chest and began to cry in earnest. Keeper Deshanna appeared before them with a bowl of water and clean linens. Faelyn remained close by, laying bottles of oils and a large roll of white cloth at Mihris's feet. He was still smiling.
"Ir abelas ," the Keeper spoke softly, setting her hand atop Ellana's where she still held her father's. "We must begin preparing him. Faelyn and I will do this, why don't you go lie down?"
"It's the family's duty, Keeper. I will do it." Ellana's objection was strong, though her voice shook when she spoke of family. She swallowed thickly and took a deep breath, chin quivering while she tried to remain calm.
"Is the clan not your family as well, da'len? Let us do this for you."
She hesitated to answer but finally nodded, using her sleeve to scrub at her eyes, looking so much like her younger self. Amaryllis ran a soothing hand over her shoulder. "Alright, but I want to stay by his side. I won't leave him. Not until I must."
Ellana sat straight then, no longer leaning upon Amaryllis for strength. Her sister followed suit, though she took her hand and held it tightly in her own, wanting to be a reassuring presence.
The two women began their work, pulling the clothes from his body smoothly, clinical in their touch, and dipped linen into water to scrub away the blood from his skin. As it melted away, the area of his fatal wound became visible. All four women stopped for a moment to stare, Faelyn gaping in awe, while the Keeper showed no distinct emotion, and Ellana gasped. Amaryllis's pulse beat wildly in her temples, sight turning white at the edges.
Mihris was completely unmarked. No torn flesh, no exposed organs, no evidence that he had ever been injured if not for the remaining blood streaked across his torso.
"Amaryllis," Keeper Deshanna's voice was filled with wonder. "Was this your doing?"
"I'm not sure." She closed her eyes, let go of Ellana's hand, and pushed the tips of her fingers into her closed eyelids until she felt more grounded.
"I didn't do this," said Ellana. "Could it have been the potion?"
"While a potion would have worked to heal the wound and stop the bleeding, this type of injury would not have closed so quickly without an added boost." Faelyn pulled Amaryllis's hands away from her face, encouraging her to open her eyes. She did, hesitantly, and tried not to look at Mihris's body, though it laid before her.
"This is remarkable," the Keeper said. "You should not have been able to do this at your age, not without years of practice. I did not think you had the talent for healing magic, or I would have begun teaching you long ago. You should be proud of what you have done, Amaryllis."
"What good was it if it didn't save him?" The girl spat angrily and stood quickly on trembling feet. Her entire body shook as if she had been dipped in ice. "I couldn't help him in time. If I had known I could do this, I would have, before it was too late. But it was." Her chin quivered. "Fucking useless."
"No," Ellana said in protest, sliding her hand back into her sister's, though she did not stand. She looked up at Amaryllis in earnest, eyes glassy with tears. "You couldn't have known this was possible. It was not useless. You are not useless."
Amaryllis immediately felt terrible shame wash over her and she took a seat again, bringing her arms around Ellana, though whether it was to comfort herself or her sister, she did not know.
"I'm sorry," she cried into Ellana's hair. "I'm sorry."
"So am I."
The girls held onto each other tightly as they mourned, not wanting to let go, not wanting to look at Mihris any longer. The other two women continued cleaning his body, pulling the stops from the bottles to anoint his body with oil before wrapping him in clean white cloth, covering him from head to toe. They stopped before covering his face to say a few prayers, then lightly tapped at the girl's shoulders to let them know it was time.
Ellana pressed a tender kiss to his brow and leaned her forehead against his as she spoke.
"Falon'Din, Lethanavir, enasal enaste. Ghi'la babaere shosaan, sule i've'an raja ish."
The funeral lasted for three days. Each day the body was removed from the pyre, cleaned, and anointed with oils. Ellana and Amaryllis did not sleep. They stayed by Mihris's side, protecting him, praying for his safe journey beyond, and taking care of his cleansings, when the time came.
On the third day, the clan gathered around the pyre, and they all began to sing.
"Vhen unshivas es'var sal'shiralen su Falon'Din/ The People swore their lives to Falon'Din
Ehn venir banal ra harel/ Who mastered the dark that lies.
Ehnas banal'rasen is/ Whose shadows hunger
Ehnas dhruathe sulen/ Whose faithful sing
Ehnas din'shathen emath ish/ Whose wings of death surround him
Mavar aron era'vun/ Thick as night.
Lethanavir, raj'varithelan, ea el'ghi'lan/ Lethanavir, master-scryer, be our guide,
Ove tel'run alas'enala, i tel'syl tarasylen/ Through shapeless worlds and airless skies."
In the late afternoon, after the sun had begun to set behind the vast forest surrounding them, the Keeper lit the pyre. Mihris's daughters watched as the flames overtook him, eating away at his flesh until nothing was left but ash and bones. When it was finished they gathered his ashes and walked to the place where he had fallen. There, they laid him to rest, mixing his very essence into the soil where they placed an oak sapling.
A beautiful tree would grow, replacing the life of the departed, serving as a reminder of the hunter who had lost greatly, but gained so much more.
Life would go on.
Amaryllis was not surprised when Ellana was chosen to become the Keeper's first.
Her sister fit the requirements; she had magic, and she was Dalish.
Until then, Amaryllis had never fully realized how much she didn't belong, though Keeper Deshanna had often said otherwise. Of course she had noticed how much taller she had grown, how she had come to tower over first Ellana, then Faelyn, then the Keeper. The shape and size of all of her body parts were an obvious indication that she would never be Dalish in looks, but for a time she had come to believe that that wasn't all it was about. Being Dalish, to her, had meant being part of the clan. And she was.
So yes, while she was not surprised that she wasn't chosen as first, though she knew her magic to be more powerful than Ellana's, and though she knew she had further progressed in her studies, she was surprised to find that she wouldn't receive Vallaslin.
"But I'm ready for them," Amaryllis argued, pacing the area of the Keeper's tent while the woman sat upon her bed, watching her silently. "I'm of age. Ellana will receive hers. Why can't I?"
"Amaryllis," Deshanna stood, legs cracking with age that the nonexistent lines of her face belied. "You are part of the clan, that is true. You are family, but you are not Dalish. You do not share our blood. Vallaslin is out of the question."
"I understand why I couldn't be first, truly, I do," said Amaryllis. She ran a frustrated hand through her hair. "How could a human be the next Keeper? It simply couldn't happen. But Vallaslin? I believe in the creators. I have meditated, daily, for years. I have prepared myself for this, just as Ellana has, so why is it only now that you're telling me this? Why only now?"
"That's—" the Keeper sighed then, her expression falling. "You don't know that you're going to be here forever, Amaryllis. You don't know what lies ahead. I will not give you those markings, not with the world the way it is. A human marked as Dalish? You would not be treated well. You have yet to see what the world is truly like, da'len, and I will not send you to your death."
"What?" The eighteen-year-old threw her arms out in irritation. "I'm not a child any longer. I can defend myself against those who may persecute me. This is my home, and I don't plan on leaving it any time soon. You are my Keeper. I may not be Dalish by blood, but I am in mind and spirit. I would bear those markings proudly."
"That is not the point. I have no doubt you would fight any who dared speak ill of us, but I refuse to allow you to be mistreated when it could have been avoided. So no, Amaryllis, I am sorry, but I will not allow you to participate in the ceremony."
"But—"
"No." Her stern answer meant she was finished. Amaryllis scowled. "Ir abelas , Amaryllis, but we will not speak of this again."
She stormed from the tent in a rage, refusing to look anywhere but down at her feet while she stomped into the forest, needing some air. If she were completely honest, she had expected the Keeper's answer. It was obvious to anyone that she was different. Her eyes were less rounded, more almond-shaped. Her face was circular, where theirs were angled as if they'd been chiseled from stone. Her body was larger, in every aspect, where theirs were small, lean and lithe. She and Ellana were only able to call each other sisters because they had spent years of their lives together, living under the same roof, loved by the same people.
She should have expected Ellana to notice her retreat into the woods and run after her.
"Lis," Ellana said, concerned. She reached for her sister's arm but she tore it away and out of her grasp. Ellana frowned. "I take it that the conversation didn't go well. What did she say?"
Amaryllis grit her teeth and flopped down onto the trunk of a fallen tree. She set her elbows upon her knees and sighed, heavily. "No, it didn't. It doesn't matter what she said, only that she will not allow me to participate, and that it's final."
The other girl sat beside her in silence for a long moment. Ellana bumped their shoulders together, prodding her until she turned to look at her sister. "What?"
"I won't go through with it," Ellana said. "Not if you can't."
Amaryllis's eyes widened in surprise. Ellana would deny tradition, give up such an integral part of being Dalish, just for her? She turned away from her sister to stare down at the grass, watching an army of ants crawl along, thinking of an answer.
She didn't have to think for long.
"No," Amaryllis shook her head and bumped her sister back, smiling softly at her squawk of indignance. "You should get yours. Keeper Deshanna wouldn't allow you to stay her first, otherwise. It wouldn't be right."
"Maybe I don't want to be first." Ellana huffed. "Maybe I just want to find a nice Dalish man and settle down? Eldrin's still single, and quite handsome for his age."
Amaryllis laughed. "Of course you'd be into older men."
"We don't have many options here. There's Levaas, but he's still thirteen, and that's just horrid. We've no one close in age. We're going to die alone."
"And I don't think any sane Dalish man would want to take a wife who has yet to truly come of age." Amaryllis chuckled again, then sighed. "Don't let this little ol' shem stop you from being who you are meant to be."
Ellana's hand took hold of her chin and forced Amaryllis to turn and look her in the eyes. "You aren't just any shemlen, you are mine. I would do anything for you."
"I know." Amaryllis grinned and blinked away the tears forming in her eyes, pushing at Ellana until she laughed and fell off their makeshift bench, landing on the grass with a distinctly painful thud. "I think I smell dinner. Race you!"
And she took off, her bare feet slapping against the ground beneath her, giggling as her sister yelled after her. "You ass! Just for that, I'm stealing your bread for the week!"
The day of the ceremony Amaryllis collected a few easy meals for the day, some reading material, and went back to the fallen tree, where she spent the day lounging around in an attempt to distract herself from the day's happenings. It was long after dinner before she finally picked up her things and headed back, trying not to allow her head to droop too far in disappointment, when she was stopped suddenly by a hand sliding around her front to cover her mouth.
Her heart stopped in her chest and she threw her arm back on instinct. The person's answering screech caused her to wheel around in anger.
"Ellana!" She yelled, stomping her foot. "What is wrong with you? You scared me half to death!"
"Sorry, sorry," the culprit was bent in half trying to catch her breath, laughing hysterically. Bandages were pressed along her cheekbones with what smelled like an elfroot salve. "I should've known you'd react like that. Babae taught you well." She stood straight, gaze softened at the memory of her father, though her lips were still pulled into a mischievous grin.
"What did you choose, then?" Amaryllis didn't hesitate to ask, curiosity taking precedence over her irritation. She watched as Ellana peeled the bandages from her cheeks and smiled as her Vallaslin was uncovered. "It looks wonderful."
The green ink spread on both sides of Ellana's face from beneath her eyes to her temples, their shape reminiscent of a Hart's vast antlers. The color complemented her well, exactly matching the shade of green in her sunflower eyes.
"I thought we might need Mythal's blessing." Ellana said. "Who knows what we will need protection from in the future?"
"I don't think Mythal protects shemlen," Amaryllis laughed, trying but failing not to sound dispirited. She shook her head before Ellana could say anything. "They're beautiful, truly. Did it hurt?"
"Hmm, I guess you'll find out," her sister said, taking Amaryllis's hand and ignoring her questioning gaze to lead her further away from camp until she was sure they wouldn't be overheard. "I watched closely and saw what Keeper used. I know how to do it."
"What does that mean?" Amaryllis asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.
"I may or may not have borrowed some things from our beloved Keeper." Ellana dug into the pack at her side and procured a small bowl, a vial of viscous black liquid, and what looked to be a Halla antler, sharpened at the end into multiple fine points.
"Why would you do that?" Amaryllis was shocked, to say the least. Ellana had never been the thieving type, though she liked to break the rules. Stealing something sacred was totally unlike her.
"I had an idea," she explained, biting her bottom lip nervously. "Since Keeper Deshanna wouldn't give you your markings, I thought… why not me?"
"You've never done it before. What if you can't keep your hand steady? No offense, falon, but I don't want my face to be marred by our mistakes. Let's return these before the Keeper notices."
"Is there a rule that it must be on your face?" Ellana scoffed, and Amaryllis crossed her arms, beginning to turn away. The other girl caught her arm quickly and pulled her back. "No, no, just listen for a moment. I thought, since Vallaslin isn't an option, why not a different kind of marking? Not for a creator but for us."
Amaryllis raised an eyebrow as she thought hard about what Ellana had said. Not for a creator, but for them? Just a normal tattoo, then? Her father had had a bald eagle on his upper arm, from his time in the service. Her mother had also had a butterfly upon her shoulder, a late night decision with friends after graduation, when they had all prepared to move away and lose touch with each other. Amaryllis had never had anything against them, and she was sure at one point she had entertained the thought as well, so why not?
"Alright," Amaryllis agreed, slowly, and Ellana's grin grew wider. "I'm not entirely opposed to it. What did you have in mind?"
Ellana dug back inside her pack and pulled out a heavily wrinkled piece of parchment, handing it to her sister. She shifted anxiously on her feet while Amaryllis peered down at the drawing.
It was a feather, outlined in smudged black ink, beautiful in its simplicity. Ellana had always been quite an artist. Amaryllis finally spoke. "A feather."
"...You don't like it?"
"No, I do," Amaryllis smiled sweetly. Ellana released the uneasy breath she had been holding, stepping closer to her sister until they were arm-to-arm. "Babaere da'eanen."
"For our family." Her sister sighed and leaned her head against Amaryllis's shoulder for a moment, then stepped away and began collecting wood as if to start a fire. "Now, do you want to go first, or should I? Maybe you should, so you'll know what to do after."
"What?" Amaryllis voice rose. She had had enough of being surprised by the other girl for one night.
"Did you think I was going to let you do this alone? No. This?" Ellana pointed at the drawing of the feather fiercely with a sudden burst of emotion then to the center of her sister's chest, where Amaryllis's heart beat wildly against her breast. "This is ours."
At dawn the next morning the two girls stumbled their way back to camp, holding their left arms out awkwardly to keep the fabric of their dresses from rubbing together, bleary-eyed and weary. When Faelyn had stopped to ask where they had been all night they shrugged, pretending not to wince, and headed for their tent to get a few hours' rest, smiling brighter than the morning sun.
A/N: Sorry if the ending was a bit anticlimactic. I struggled with it for days lol
The song was taken from Project Elvhen, which is an absolute godsend.
Falon'Din, Lethanavir, enasal enaste. Ghi'la babaere shosaan, sule i've'an raja ish. - Falon'Din (god of death), Lethanavir (another name for Falon'Din), [a prayer for the departed]. Guide father's feet, lead him into the beyond.
Babaere da'eanen - father's little birds (Mihris referred to Ellana first as his little bird, and I didn't include it, but it's "canon" that he began referring to Amaryllis that way, once she became comfortable with it)
If you have questions about any Elvhen I used but maybe didn't translate, let me know!
Again, feel free to comment! let me know what you're enjoying, what you'd like to see more of, and what you're looking forward to :)