A Bewitching Dance

by Haerrlekin

When Naruto opened his eyes, he saw a beautiful, red-haired woman with violet eyes and a warm smile. Oh, and a white void, but that was besides the point! In which Naruto fails to summon Gamabunta and goes splat in the chasm; Jiraiya did a whoopsie, Kurama is a jerk, and Hinata brings good vibes. Who knew that crippling, life-threatening injuries could feel so good?

17. Oil and Vinegar

Heya,

The discord seems like it's growing well, now that a lot of the kinks seem to be getting ironed out. Getting to interact with you guys has been a really cool experience and I'm really glad I didn't get cold feet and ended up committing to it, in the end. For those of you who celebrated New Year's and all of that, Happy New Year! This year, my resolution is simple: I just really want to keep a consistent update schedule and not die of alcoholism and/or sleep deprivation before the end of the year… We'll see how that one goes.

In any case, work of fiction, I don't own, yada-yada-yada. You know how this goes.

Enjoy

---

Jiraiya's planned dinner date with Tsunade and her apprentice had been scheduled for that very evening, leaving Naruto and Hinata both scrambling to prepare; it would be the first time that either of the two would even set eyes on the legendary Slug Sannin, and an agreement had been forged without words: It was imperative that they make a strong first impression.

"You're gonna have your work cut out for you with Tsunade," Kushina coached him as he labored over his hair. His fingers worked away at undoing braids, wielding one part haste and two more, barely checked frustration. They had been a nice novelty, but his fingers weren't quite as balanced as his mother's; the tightness on his head had begun carving the persistent lash of a headache near the base of his skull.

Running a comb through the half-damp mess on his head seemed to be a losing battle though. Any product he could have used to help, much like his spare clothing, had been damaged in the altercation with the Akatsuki.

Mostly the result of his own flames, much to his embarrassment.

Fortunately, Jiraiya had been generous enough to go out and buy a bit of both for his use, earlier.

Unfortunately, Jiraiya just couldn't seem to understand what "normal clothes, please" actually meant, which left Naruto frustratedly handling a myriad of garbs that all looked like they belonged to his trashy romance novels. Naruto was really regretting not going with the man in favor of sleeping for most of the day.

Frustration roared across his tongue, a dozen and a half curses spilling out one after another. At least Hinata had seemed to get the better end of the deal, whether through an uncommon tact or sheer dumb luck on the girl's part; she had been fortunate enough to have found a pittance of clothes tasteful enough to suit her needs.

Seeing her in a skirt had done something funny for his brain.

As for Naruto though, he was teetering at his wit's end. The off-brand conditioner that Jiraiya had procured for him wasn't much help for his thick locks either.

"Argh!" The cheap comb the Toad Sage had finagled from a close-by convenience store came crashing down in an act of petty frustration, taking chips out of the base. Inspecting the fragmented comb with a sneer, Naruto asked, "Can we even be sure that she's worth all of this effort, to begin with?"

"A bit late to be asking that question, don't ya think?" Kushina's amusement hummed in his ears, dimming just a moment after as she caught on to his mood. "I thought you'd be happy to meet family. Even if of the distant sort. What's got you feeling doubtful, now?"

"Right, family," Naruto muttered, bitterly.

The very same family who he'd never actually met…

Eh whatever.

"I'm just used to shit hitting the fan, is all." He groaned, finding yet another knot in his locks. "Fuck it!" In a sudden fit of inspiration, he twisted his fingers and became 'fluid', willing his hair to soften enough to help him get the damned comb through it all.

"Huh… You know, I never once thought to try doing that. I-in any case, she might've had a good reason for not being around. At least give her a chance to explain first, alright?"

Naruto didn't respond. He'd known for some time that he was related to Tsunade, but only recently had he really stopped to think about what that meant… She was the closest thing to family that he had left, and today would be the first time he had ever met her.

"Maybe all that Senju dna turned her into a deadbeat," Naruto muttered, darkly. Maybe it was just Mito coloring his opinions, but the Senju name just didn't hit the same for him anymore, knowing the problems that Konoha's founding clan had caused.

"Hey. None of that," Kushina chided, fully restraining the urge to chuckle. She really didn't want to encourage him on that type of thinking. "Let's talk strategy, yeah?"

"Mhm." Naruto absently formed a clone. "Mind trimming my ends?" His clone saluted. "Have you met her before?" Naruto asked Kushina as his clone began his work.

"A few times, yeah. She's a hard woman; I wouldn't exactly call her the friendly sort, but I guess I wouldn't call her unkind either… Just expect that you're not going to convince her to do what you want by appealing to her morality. You might need to do some serious legwork. Maybe break a leg or two.

"Yeah, I figured I'd have to beat her ass. It's never so simple as 'hey can you heal this old, half-dead guy?' 'Sure! I love healing half-dead people! That's actually my favorite thing in the whole world!'" He let out a breath that felt far too long. He was getting pretty damn sick of everything having to be a fight- well, he loved a good fight. But maybe a teensy bit less would do him some good while his muscles and organs were still trying to remember how to 'muscle and organ.' To his clone, he added to his earlier order. "When you're done with my hair, I need a nexus-point seal on my back- same as the exams. After that, stick around and keep moulding chakra; I can't afford to burn out if I end up having to throw hands with this lady."

"I should just open a tattoo parlor at this point," the clone halfheartedly groused.

"Make that a hair salon too, actually. You'll attract plenty of middle-aged women."

"Don't forget drunk teens," His clone returned fire with a grin, letting the original Naruto shuck his shirt in preparation.

Kushina giggled at the exchange. Then Naruto felt her touch ghost across his forehead. These days, he could almost just about make out an outline of her when they spoke. "Listen, X'omaa, when you're lok'haathe/warrior of any kind, you don't often get to choose where and when you dance. Some people can be convinced to do things the easy way. For some though, the only way to have them listen is to just knuckle up and make them listen."

"And sometimes, I have to take an express delivery of S-rated knuckle sandwiches for the greater good… Got it." He groaned. "Whatever, I'm used to punching way out of my weight class, at this point."

Kakashi, Zabuza and Haku, Orochimaru, Shukaku, Itachi… Tsunade would be no different.

He'd already declared that he would drag her back to heal the old man if he had to. All of this just meant he'd have to back his words up with action…

Sweet, delicious, magical, painful action.

Which meant he most assuredly wasn't going in half-baked, and he sure as hell wasn't getting his butt kicked dressed like one of Jiraiya's lame porno characters. He tried to drown out Kushina's unfiltered cackles at that thought.

"I think you make for a very handsome lame porno character," She wheezed between laughs.

"And I think I like you and enjoy your company," Her son bit back, facetiously. Once again, he sifted through the clothes Jiraiya had given him, as if hoping against all odds that he'd find something he'd missed the first five times. Just like the last couple of times, nothing changed, and a childish whine followed. "God, there isn't even enough time for me to shred this garbage and transform it into something-" A pause. "Oh I'm such an idiot."

"If you're an idiot, then I'm twice the idiot." Kushina palmed her face. "An idiot squared, if you will… Twenty-one years of life and not once did I ever think to try that."

Really, all of the clothes-money she could have saved…

"It's more practical too… Yeah, I'm never buying a single piece of clothing again."

---

Naruto was taking quite a while to get ready. Hinata had once heard from other girls her age that boys didn't take very long because all they had to do was throw on clothes. But Naruto had beautiful long hair and even a whole skincare routine. He took care of his appearance to a degree that probably bordered on vanity, to most other boys. Even her own father, who also had long hair, never took even half as long to get ready

Wait, did that mean Naruto was more feminine than she was?

Hinata looked down at her own choice in clothing, as if to reassure herself. She'd at least tried to look nice. Many of Jiraiya's interesting choices in clothing left a lot to be desired, but she'd at least managed to find something that felt somewhat appropriate.

She'd donned a somewhat baggy, off-white, jacket with a side-part and tightly-fitted sleeves; the fact that it cut off just past her sternum meant that it was not even remotely her first choice for clothing, but she'd been able to pair it with a far more modest black shirt with thick mesh lining underneath that kept her torso fully covered.

A small victory for her; Hinata would do a backflip off the third-story patio and break her own neck on the way down before she let the self-proclaimed 'Legendary Super Pervert' put her in an actual crop top.

All of the pants that Jiraiya had found for her were either some variation of too big, too small, or too weird for her to even consider trying on. Instead she'd settled for a dark purple, knee-length skirt with a thick, orange rope-belt looped twice around to keep the damn-darn thing from slipping right off.

She'd completed her ensemble with a pair of brown shinobi-grade ankle-boots, and honestly, she couldn't say she hated it. It was at least modest enough that she didn't feel like turning herself inside out and winking out of existence… Though, she was never letting Jiraiya shop for her again. Honestly, she should have taken the hint the first time she saw what he'd put Naruto in the day he awoke!

Wait, was that rude?

'Sorry, Naruto-kun.'

Hinata distracted herself from those thoughts by eyeing Jiraiya, who had been lounging half-awake on the chair for even longer than she'd been there.

"God, that little goblin is taking too damn long." He sucked his teeth and abruptly stood, stretching with a loud groan. "That kid better be dressed to the stars and back when he walks out of there or I'm gonna shave his damn head."

Hinata didn't think it prudent to tell the man that she would fight him to the death before she let that happen. She'd lose, but it was the principle of the matter! That boy's hair was a national treasure as far as she was concerned; she'd take Jiraiya to the whole dam-darn Thunderdome if she had to.

Huh… Even her thoughts were starting to sound like Naruto, these days… Oh! Jiraiya!

With a loud grumble, the object of her thoughts gazed over at her for a moment before snapping his fingers. "Oh! The brat and I were talking last night while I was showing him some stuff and he told me you used the rasengan against those Akatsuki chumps…" His tone was leading, and Hinata hesitantly nodded in turn.

"Y-yeah… I-it's not fully done yet. I ca-can't keep it fully stable…" She tried to form the Fourth's iconic jutsu; a bubble of pride swelled inside of her as a near-perfect sphere forged itself from her chakra. It was unsteady, and even a tiny bit lumpy, but it held confidently. "It was just a heat of the moment sort of thing- b-but I'm close though!"

Jiraiya gave a roll of his eyes so long and drawn out that Hinata thought they'd pop out of his head and roll along the floor like marbles. "Listen, kid. We're gonna do some math, real quick. The Fourth took three years to make the jutsu. I took three months to learn it with his help… You learned it mostly by yourself and had it ready enough to use successfully against an S-ranked ninja, within just a week of me first showing it to you." When Jiraiya sat back down, he did so facing her with his full attention. "Aren't you supposed to be some kind of talentless loser or something? Who was the dumb motherfucker who started calling you that?"

Hinata was proud to say she didn't quite flinch at the reminder. "Ah- well, my father is-"

"Nah that checks out, actually," Jiraiya cut in. "Hiashi is a dumb motherfucker."

Hinata couldn't help herself. She palmed her mouth to fight the mad giggles that threatened to spill out. She'd never heard someone speak so brazenly against her father before. It was refreshing in a way she couldn't quite describe.

"I mean it, kid. You're a real diamond, I'm telling you. Just like that dork in there," He jammed a thumb toward Naruto's door. "Seriously. 'I never claimed to be smart', he says. That dork intuits chakra in a way that I've only ever seen from the Third, and Orochimaru- well, before he turned into a murderhobo. Both of which were the definitive geniuses of their generation, by the way! Even my student, Minato, wasn't quite as prodigious with raw chakra, and he was damn good, as you can probably tell." He breathed a sigh that was almost longing. "He acts like a little goblin and talks a whole lotta shit. But I can tell, he's really damn clever."

Hinata didn't need to say anything for Jiraiya to know that she was of the same mind. Frankly, she was fully onboard with strangling any and all of the people who had managed to convince Naruto that he was dumb. Even when they'd been in the academy, she'd been inspired by his random flashes of brilliance. Whether that was randomly acing the occasional test under Iruka-sensei's bribes of ramen to painting the entire Hokage monument in broad daylight while trained ninja were on patrol.

If there was one thing to be grateful about whatever had happened to the boy down in the trench Jiraiya had pushed him in -and she was still incensed with the man over that-, it had at least done some good for her boyfriend; in spite of the occasional negative comment, he seemed to be at least willing to embrace much of his hidden intelligence.

The nightmares though... Not so much.

"Right, enough pussyfooting, then," Hinata blushed furiously at the Toad Sage's crassness. "You've been wanting to ask me about something since you came in here. Come on kid, you know I won't bite your head off."

She did. At least, she liked to think that she did. Steadying herself, she asked, "What's a jinchuriki?"

Jiraiya's silence wasn't unexpected; she'd at least figured that it was a secret of some kind. When his skin bled itself white though, she began to worry that she'd overstepped in some way. That feeling only got worse at the fiercely intent stare that took over his demeanor.

"Who told you that wor- Ah… It must've been those Akatsuki clowns, huh?" Jiraiya visibly calmed himself, warming his eyes once again for her sake. "Come here kid. You're not in trouble," He soothed her, patting her head gently as she approached with obvious hesitance.

"U-um you d-don't- I mean, y-you don't have to-" She took a long, calming breath. "You don't have to say anything if it's uncomfortable."

"It's not uncomfortable to talk about- well, it is, actually. But it's more illegal to talk about."

Oh. Wait, was he going to arrest her? Hinata didn't think she was cut out for jail. Did that mean she had to shave her head and get tattoos? She probably wouldn't look very good, bald. Tattoos, she could maybe work with, assuming her father didn't have her killed.

Oh who was she kidding? He'd kick down her door and smother her, himself.

Shaking her head free of those thoughts, Hinata frowned. "S-sorry for asking then. I-um... I won't bring it up again-"

"Nah, ask Naruto," Jiraiya cut in. "He's allowed to tell you. If I know the kid like I hope I do, then he probably wants to tell you."

Oh. "T-then why doesn't he?"

"He's probably scared to, honestly." Jiraiya eyed her intently for a moment. "Hinata-" She started, hearing him use her actual name. "You're both pretty young… But you love Naruto, don't you?"

In spite of the seriousness of the situation, Hinata couldn't deny the blush that lit her face. Unable to find her words, she simply meekly nodded, pushing the tips of her fingers together in a growing-rarer show of her nervous tick.

"I thought so. Believe it or not, I love the kid too." Hinata's incredulous look was the trigger for one of guilt to sculpt itself onto the old sage's features. "I do! I've got my own reasons to, I guess, but my point is: If you love him as much as I hope you do- well, just be kind to him when you do ask."

Of course she would! She didn't need him to tell her that!

Hinata promised the man that she would, if only for his own peace of mind, and he smiled, genuinely.

"You're a good kid. A great kid. I'm glad Naruto's got someone like you in his corner."

There was a poignancy to his words that filled her chest with a pride that she'd rarely felt. She couldn't find any words to respond with, but didn't need to, as the door finally opened and the topic of their discussion stepped out. All thoughts of jinchurikis or whatever flew out of her mind as she took him in; Hinata's breath was sucked out of her throat.

He was dressed rather neatly, sporting a sleeveless black turtleneck that clung to his body like a second skin. Over this, he'd donned a peach-orange kimono top that hung off the shoulders and was accented with a lavender lining and interior. She could see a set of decorated metal braces on the inside with the same pattern as his poncho, clasped around his upper biceps and securing the top in place. The kimono sported long, swinging sleeves that hung loose at black glove-clad palms and were decorated with silver, web-shaped embroidery. The whole thing was tied firmly at the waist with a lavender obi, the same shade as its interior; the remaining fabric extended just short of the knees, and was sectioned neatly into two parts at the front and back.

Below the top, he'd chosen lavender pants, matching the obi; they were folded off neatly at the calves, where a thin layer of gray mesh armor peeked out, the rest of the way. It extended into black, ankle-length shinobi boots.

Finally trailing up to his face, she saw he'd put the clip-on earrings back on. His hair was styled differently too, with him forgoing his more recently favored half-braided style in favor of tying his long locks up at the back in a style that vaguely resembled a flower's petals; the front still hung mostly loose, leaving a long fringe to cover his left eye.

Jiraiya let off an exaggerated wolf-whistle. "You look good!" He stepped forth and slapped Naruto on the back, his grin dimming just slightly when his godson seemed to tense just a bit under his touch. Putting it out of his mind, he added, "You forgot to put on the lipstick and eyeshadow, though."

"Oh piss off." Naruto rolled his eyes, but his tone was not unfriendly. "Go ahead and tempt me; you think I won't?" A huff. "Besides, anything is better than dressing like one of your foul smut characters."

"It's not foul or smut! I make art, you brat! Art! I'm a very decorated author, I'll have you know!"

"Right, right." Naruto tuned the man out as he ranted, turning fully to lock eyes with a silent Hinata. His expression softened, even turning just the slightest bit shy. "I- So uh, I hope you don't mind too badly- see, I couldn't get your poncho to work right with the fit I was going for so I used my chains and transformed it so it'd fit better… I'm still wearing it!" He hastily added. "I just- well- you know I can change stuff with my technique, but I mean if you don't like it I could…" Naruto trailed off, his gloved fingers biting into the fabric of his sleeves, which he stubbornly kept to his sides. His budding anxieties seemed to double up when Hinata continued to stare blankly at him, her eyes awash with a light haze.

An offer to change back was just about to fully spring from his lips when Jiraiya's palm rested gently on his shoulder. He smiled at the boy in a way that was far more earnest than Naruto was used to seeing from the man. "Relax kid. She loves it." Inside, Kushina had begun cheering and clapping, much to his further embarrassment. Just as he was about to demand an explanation from one or both, he saw it.

A wetness had gathered at her lips. As it spilled over and stained the carpeted floor, Naruto realized with a start that the girl was drooling.

"Oh… Well that's flattering- uh… I think?"

---

"Now remember kid. Tsunade's a bit of a bully. Give her an inch either way and she'll take a mile. Next thing you know you're butt naked without your wallet and rolled up in bubble wrap being express-shipped to Cloud's postal service as a mail order bride. Er- What I mean to say is you're gonna wanna be just problematic enough that she's interested, but not so much that she punches you.

Naruto rolled his eyes as Jiraiya tried to 'pep talk' him. "Right, so call her a decrepit old twat and get turned into paste on the walls, got it." Absently, he reached an arm around Hinata's shoulder for what felt to both like the umpteenth time that night, once again putting her stable.

Leaning on Naruto for support against her injuries, Hinata shyly smiled at him. "I-I like you better when you're not paste-shaped."

Naruto returned her grin. "I like me when I'm not paste, too."

"Ahem." Both of their attentions were torn from each other, back to an amused Jiraiya. "She won't paste you, kid. Tsunade's a real sweetheart under all that alcoholism. She's a bit of a bitch, sure, but she's got a good heart… Kinda like you!"

"Fuck you," Naruto shot back with a laugh, as Jiraiya led them into the restaurant he and Tsunade had decided on.

It was a rather fancy place, which served mostly seafood. Naruto knew from Jiraiya's ramblings that it had a rather sizable selection of alcohol -likely the reason that Tsunade and Jiraiya had chosen it.

They passed the initial entrance, where Jiraiya was made to procure his reservation-ticket for a handsome, well-dressed man at the front. Naruto put all of that fanfare out of mind, letting his senses flood the room instead; not a single soul was spared of his attention, so as to ensure they weren't walking into a trap of any kind. As he did so, he continually shifted his own traveling yin-chakra, his best effort at warding against any potential genjutsu attacks.

He had no intentions of letting the Akatsuki get the drop on him ever again.

"Over there." He fingered the location of a pair of women and a pig, sequestered off in a back corner of the restaurant. Jiraiya and Hinata both followed his gesture, and Jiraiya's chakra swelled with barely contained joy as his eyes settled on the attractive blonde woman, who already seemed a couple of drinks in.

Snorting, Jiraiya muttered, "Figures", before striding forward with a goofy grin on his face. Dutifully, the kids followed after him as he approached the seated pair of women, both taking in their features and committing them to memory.

There was a modestly dressed young woman adorned in all black, including her shoulder-length hair. She was fairly plain, with a soft face and posture. Her arms were wrapped around the torso of a small pig with a bright red vest and pearl necklace.

From her chakra, Naruto tasted anxiety, exasperation, and even a touch of anger, seemingly harbored for the woman beside her. At her core though, she was very warm.

"O-oh! Good evening, Jiraiya-sama!" The woman stood, offering a proper bow to the white-haired sannin. Humoring the woman, he repeated the gesture with a booming laugh.

"Shizune! You're so much bigger than when I last saw you!" Naruto noted with some amusement that he at least tried not to ogle the young woman.

Tried, being the keyword. Clearly, the self-proclaimed 'Super Pervert' was not renowned for his self-control.

The young woman, for her part, seemed only mildly exasperated with his antics, if anything. Quickly though, she took note of the two, joining the man; she peered around his broad frame, curious eyes melting with warmth as regarded the pair. "Oh! Are these your students?"

Jiraiya gave a 'so-so' gesture in response. "Kids, this is Shizune. She's Tsunade's apprentice."

Naruto bowed to the young woman as well, joined in tandem by Hinata. "Heya. Nice to meet you. I'm Naruto." He exchanged smiles with her.

"That's Tsunade's ninja pig, Tonton." Jiraiya pointed at the curiously staring little pig. At the mention of ninja abilities, Naruto gave the pig a bit more attention than before, bowing to the tiny creature as well, even if it did make him feel a little silly. Tonton let out a soft 'oink', before turning her attention back to her own tiny plate of discarded shrimp tails.

Naruto turned his gaze to the blonde bombshell that sat near the wall. She was dressed far less modestly than Shizune was, sporting a stained, gray kimono top with a low dip that set much of her sizable chest's cleavage on full display.

Tsunade was blonde with long twin tails that reached nearly down to her waist. Aside from her top, she was dressed surprisingly plainly; dark-blue pants and heeled sandals that would not have seemed out of place on a regular civilian woman of middling status. The only qualities that really stood out on her was a striking, crystalline piece of jewelry circled loosely around her neck, and the purple diamond on her forehead, which was absolutely oceanic with chakra so dense that it gave Naruto a headache.

There was even more in that tiny seal than the crazy shark man had held in his entire body!

She was gorgeous -somehow almost excessively so, Naruto realized with a start. It was like her face was a bit too perfect. Maybe it was just an irrational pettiness on his part, but her beauty seemed just short of uncanny for the boy.

She was also very obviously drunk, her eyes drooping heavily to the point of just barely cracked open. Half-a-dozen discarded bottles were strewn carelessly throughout her chosen space, all within arms reach of her. The woman's ruby lipstick was smeared over the porcelain white ceramic of each. Looking back at her, Naruto found the source, now just a formless splotch of color marring her lips.

"What the hell are you staring at?" Tsunade slurred, aggressively. She didn't even look up from the quarter-full drink in her grip, not to acknowledge them or even Jiraiya, who seemed to be rapidly losing some steam in the face of her obvious apathy. A pained expression slowly took over the old pervert's face, and Naruto felt a pang of sympathy for the man. Instinctively, he tasted her chakra as well, wanting to get a feel for her.

He fought the urge to gag as its vileness seized his throat and squeezed. Her chakra was like rancid butter, foul and curdled after years of cooking under an unyielding sun. Decades of thick, filthy bitterness clung to her chakra like tar. She was old, overused oil that had been used again, and again, and again until it had nothing left to give…

She was bitterness. She was shame. She was hatred and misery, so intense and all-encompassing that without evening realizing it, Naruto had begun to shrink back from her in discomfort.

"Kid?" Jiraiya palmed his back, turning a concerned gaze his way. Naruto fought the urge to flinch away from him. He didn't know how to tell the man that the person in front of them was broken, or that he didn't want to be there anymore.

That he would do anything to be away from her at that moment.

There was just something so foul and bitter, an illness that had rooted itself so deeply in Tsunade's soul that he couldn't help but fear that she would infect him as well.

Hinata's hand tightened around his own, centering him once again. He shook away the haze, finally meeting the curious glare of Tsunade Senju.

"Well? You got something to say, or are you just going to stare with your jaw hanging loose?"

His own bravado surged ahead, paving the way for him. "Nothing much to stare at," Naruto bit back before he could stop himself.

Tsunade's hazy eyes narrowed. She looked him up and down then over to Jiraiya, a mocking gleam in her eyes. "Whores are starting pretty young these days, huh? Where'd you pick this one up?"

'Oh this bitch.'

Something ugly stirred up in Naruto, and he was happy to oblige. "You can gobble my whole ass, you washed up old skank."

Hinata and Shizune's faces both went alight with the scandal of his retort. Tonton was no better; the tiny pig covered her face with her hooves. Their scandalized noises were lost in the developing deadlock between Naruto and Tsunade.

Jiraiya grinned so wide his gums were showing.

Tsunade blinked, slowly. Then her apathy hardened into something fiercer. Something stirred in her chakra, peering through the walls of apathy like a shy child on a foggy window.

Pure, simple interest.

"So you are the pervert's sloppy new squeeze then, mm? What, did he pick you up off an alley gutter like the rest of his strays?"

A wild grin tore across Naruto's face, his teeth shifting to something dangerous. Shizune gasped at the vicious looking jaws that had sprouted in his mouth. "Bitch don't talk to me about being sloppy like you aren't wearing a whole transformation to cover up your ugly ass. I bet you've got more wrinkles on those shriveled cow tits than your brain."

"Oh, like you've got brains, mm?" Tsunade's gaze snapped down to Naruto and Hinata's joined hands and her chakra twisted for just a moment the telltale green of envy. "I guess you bark pretty well for a mutt on a leash, at least." Her sneer was full of judgment, but Naruto caught a near-imperceptible quirk at the corners of her lips. Amusement. This time, she looked Hinata up and down and scoffed. "Well, beggars can't be choosers, I guess."

Naruto's response was leaving his mouth before she'd even finished speaking. "What I'm really begging for is for you to find a bath and some deodorant. Did you roll out of a sewer line or is shame, piss, and filth just your natural musk?" Jamming a thumb towards the woman's apprentice, he added, "Not even the pig wants a whiff of you."

"Oink!"

"Yeah that was out of line. I apologize," Naruto sighed, bowing his head to the scandalized-looking swine. He went ahead and seated himself without asking, until he was just across from Tsunade, who was now staring him down with a sharp grin of her own. "So you're Tsunade huh? From how the Pervy Sage was describing you I'd thought you'd be a jacked up wrestling queen with twelve-inch biceps and buns of steel.

"Maybe I still am. I am wearing a transformation, aren't I?" She laughed, but it was hollow. Their eyes met again, and the knowing look in her gaze told Naruto she was feeling him out with her chakra, just as he, hers. A moment passed between them, then Tsunade tipped back the rest of bottle, slamming it down with enough force to make Shizune and Hinata jump.

"Nardo, was it? You drink?" She shook a few of her bottles, tilting her head and listening for the telltale 'slosh' of liquid. When she found one, she slid it his way without a second thought.

He was quick to correct her. "Naruto Uzumaki." Something familiar glinted in Tsunade's eyes for a moment; it was gone the next second, but Naruto wasn't fooled. He let it slide though in favor of the drink she'd deposited in front of him. His sensitive nose burned with the smell of sake, and the smeared lipstick on the rim of the bottle was an eyesore for him. Still, Naruto snatched it up and downed it before he could lose his nerve. His throat burned something fierce as he choked it down without a sound, resisting the urge to gag at the foul taste.

"I never really was a fan of sake." Kushina made a gagging noise, earning an absent chuckle from her son.

Naruto agreed. "Tastes horrible."

"More for me." Tsunade's following grin still didn't quite reach her eyes. But her amusement shone through, digging blindly through the fog within. She panned her drunken gaze over to a fidgeting Hinata, raising a delicate eyebrow at the girl. "So are you gonna introduce yourself, or do you need everything done for you?"

Steadying her tongue, Hinata bowed her head, meekly. "Hinata Hyuga."

Naruto tightened his grip on the girl who had hesitantly seated herself beside him. Seeing her discomfort, he spoke up. "She's strong as shit."

"Uhuh," Tsunade muttered, disinterestedly. She looked back at him for a moment, then her eyes narrowed and she turned a suspicious glare Jiraiya's way. "Oi you old pervert, what happened to the kid's chakra system?" She demanded

Jiraiya opened his mouth to answer, but Naruto cut in, not appreciating being sidelined. "There was an invasion in Konoha. The One Tails, Shukaku- it got released in the middle of the village, so I beat its ass. It didn't go down easy."

Tsunade's lips twisted into a faux sneer. "Yeah right. You expect me to believe that some wet-behind-the-ears little girl was able to take down one of the tailed beasts?"

"I'm a boy, dumbass." Naruto rolled his eyes, taking note of the lightly pulsing vein in her temple. And I don't really care what you think. I care what you can do. We have need of a legendary turbo medic."

With a snort, Tsunade affirmed that "I am a legendary turbo medic." Looking to Jiraiya again, Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "He looks like he's healing up just fine on his own… So you want me to fix sensei then, huh?"

Jiraiya tilted back, blinking rapidly in surprise. Then his eyes narrowed. "So you've seen Orochimaru then. The bastard always did love to brag."

"With excruciating detail!" Tsunade nodded. "Honestly, it seems like everyone needs my legendary skills, these days. And no one even thinks to bring gifts anymore!" Raising her arm, she began miming as if talking, putting on an exaggerated rasp. "'Oh Tsunade, my sweet, beautiful angel who I adore so dearly, please fix my albino boy toy of his deadly illness! I'll be your best friend!'" She let out an ugly cackle. "He's so transparent!"

"Did you do it?" Jiraiya whispered, his tone suspicious. "Heal his friend, that is."

"Well I'm a medic; it'd be a bit weird if I didn't heal him." Tsunade rolled her eyes, trying not to acknowledge the intense glare that had hardened onto Jiraiya's face. A similar expression was quickly finding its way on Shizune's as well; between the two, it took only moments for her to crack. "Okay fine. I just gave him some pills; we use them to slow the spread of cancerous growths… I told Orochimaru I'd think about fixing him and gave him that until I could decide. Now quit mean mugging me!"

Naruto cut back in. "So if you're fine helping out that clown, then you don't mind healing the old man then, right?" He didn't much care about one of Orochimaru's pets. He'd cross that bridge when he got there.

Tsunade shrugged, easily. "Sure. I don't see why not. It's just a bit of poison right?" Planting her elbow onto the table, she gave the boy a lazy grin, and he sighed in relief. "So where is he? Back at your place huh?"

"Well, he wasn't in any condition to move so we'd have to head back to Konoha but-" Naruto babbled, excitedly, his poor opinion of the woman mending itself by the second, only for her to suddenly raise a palm to stop him.

"Oh… On second thought, I've changed my mind. I don't feel like traveling; just let the old bastard rot."

Naruto froze, any semblance of relief or excitement shriveling up and dying on the spot. "What, I-?" Then, his emotions seemed to finally catch up to the sudden shift in energy and he snarled at her. What the fuck!? How can you just say something like that so casually? Are you really so lazy that you can't make a trip to save your own sensei?"

Hinata's tightening grip on his hand went ignored.

"Something like that," Tsunade agreed, immediately. Her chakra shifted, but she was guarded now. "See, my feeties hurt from all the traveling we've been doing- winning back-to-back cash prizes at the Tanzaku slot machines is tough work, ya know. Really puts a cramp on the arms!" She threw her arms up in a 'what can you do' gesture. "But hey, you can go get him and bring him here instead. I might still be here when you get back, mm?"

This time, he was sure he had her pegged. His rage was a viper in his throat, its hiss an open threat to the woman whose chakra had once again become this rancid, bitter thing. "You lying bitch! I bet you're skipping town the second we take our eyes off you. What the hell is your problem all of a sudden?"

Still grinning, Tsunade shrugged. "No problem at all. Honestly? I just can't really be assed to care, is all." She snatched up one of her many bottles and turned it upside down over her tongue. "Look, the old man knew what he was getting into when he went and became Hokage, just like all the other losers that came and died before and after his dumb ass." Naruto's nostrils flared at that.

His father had been Hokage… His mother had dreamed of being Hokage! He, himself, had yearned for that damned hat since he was old enough to dream! His chakra boiled just beneath the surface, begging him to reach across the table and punch Tsunade in her ignorant little mouth.

Heedless of his fury, Tsunade continued. "What's worse, he was lucky enough to get out with all his shit together and what did he do? He did it again!" A sardonic laugh tore from her and, with no regard for decorum at all, she tossed the ceramic bottle, letting it crash loudly against the ground and startling the growing audience of eavesdroppers. "Threw his life away, just like every other dumbass who ever so much as looked at the job! You expect me to give a damn if a bunch of idiots end up getting their just desserts?" Tsunade pounded the table and laughed in his face, spitting on the very blood that ran through his veins; Naruto's free fingers flexed, a vein throbbing with his tightening grip. "Tell me, why should I care if any of them kick the bucket? At this point, it's just nature running its course."

Seething, Naruto ground out, "So what, someone should just die suffering because you're suddenly too damn apathetic to do your damn job!?"

"Yeah, pretty much." It was spoken with such simple confidence that for just the briefest moment, it cut right through his rage, giving way to sheer disbelief.

Then the rage came back, tenfold.

"Naruto, she's baiting you." Naruto barely heard his mother's words.

Jiraiya hastened to cut into their argument, his earlier smile entirely wiped clean by the sudden escalation between them. Hinata began tugging desperately at Naruto's hand, trying to get his attention. "H-hey let's just settle down for a second. There's no need to-"

"Nah, go on kid." Tsunade egged Naruto on, leaning all the way back without a care in the world. Her interest was shining clearer than ever before in the foul mass that was her chakra. "What's on your mind?"

"Naruto," Kushina warned. Again, her son barely heard her. Kushina had asked him to give Tsunade a chance and he had. Hell, for the briefest moment, he'd even liked her… But chakra didn't lie; she was every bit the bitter piece of trash he'd pegged her as from the moment they'd locked eyes with each other.

"Just another useless adult for the pile, huh?" He whispered. Naruto saw red. The end piece of the table splintered off under his grip. His visible eye flashed dangerously, his star-shaped pupil widening until it had consumed nearly every bit of his iris. He looked like a predator, trying to take in every inch of Tsunade before he lunged. Shizune flinched away from him and Tonton tore free of her grip, scampering underneath the table. Jiraiya looked completely helpless as things continued to escalate.

"What I'm thinking is: If you're really this much of a deadbeat loser, then that's probably why you couldn't be assed to come for me too."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "What are you going on about now-"

"Don't fuck with me!" Naruto hissed. He jumped out of his seat, his fingers tearing through his gloves and lengthening into cruel-looking, hooked claws. He only just had enough presence of mind to tear his hand free of Hinata's own tight grasp to avoid cutting into her. "Qorre x'omaa, moutziaaki! En'timae y'otte, bjiir!/To abandon one's heart, unbelievable! Spill your guts in dishonor, you rat!"

"Naruto! Calm down! Listen to me!" Kushina's rising volume was all but throbbing in his ears, but for the life of him, he couldn't seem to make out the meaning in her plea; not in the face of the creature who was now so arrogantly smirking in his face.

"Huh?" Tsunade blinked, slowly. For just a moment, she looked as confused as the rest of the group, at Naruto's outburst. Then slowly, she smiled again. "Oh… Oh! Oh boo-fucking-hoo. Baby's mad I was too busy to come babysit you then, is that it?

She made to pat the boy's head, patronizingly. "Wo'karaa… Tsalo-tzatzikii, yon uzumaki./Be unbothered… Make peace, little spiral." Her hand was just short of petting his locks before Naruto snapped, tearing the table down under his fury and lunging for her. Hinata screamed, seeming torn between intercepting him and scrambling away. Shizune and Jiraiya both jumped to their feet in alarm, their own combat experiences driving them to alertness. Naruto was just inches away from carving a bloody trench through Tsunade's face before her fingers closed the distance in a flash and wrapped around his head with a grip so tight that his skin began to flush under her touch.

"What, you want to dance with auntie then, mm? I gotta warn you, I'm pre-tty strong," Tsunade sang. Her crushing grip continued to tighten until Naruto's eyes were just about bugging out of his head. All the while, the boy continued to scream obscenities at her in a language that no one but Tsunade seemed to understand.

"Tsunade! That's enough!" Jiraiya roared, jumping to his feet. "Put him down, now!"

"What, we're just playing." She barely paid the man any mind, even as Shizune desperately gripped at her free arm. "It's been a while since I got a good workout. Let's play, little one."

Just then, a large man in a pinstriped shirt and pants bustled over in a huff. "Excuse me! I'm going to have to ask you to vacate the premises! Your antics are disturbing all of our guests!"

Tsunade's lazy gaze panned to each of the terrified faces of the surrounding patrons.

"Sorry, sorry…" Tsunade let out an embarrassed chuckle, any sign of her earlier drunkenness seemingly forgotten.

"I won't ask you again! Put him down, now!" There was something poisonous in Jiraiya's tone that gave Tsunade pause, this time. She looked away from the boy in her grip, blinking in surprise at the look in her old friend's eyes.

She didn't doubt for a moment that he would attack her.

"Stay the hell out of this! She's mine!" Naruto snarled at the man, catching both Sannin off guard. Taking advantage of her distraction, Naruto jammed a clawed thumb into her inner wrist, trying to gouge out the connective tissue. At the same time, he gripped her inner bicep, using the leverage to slam a blinding fast kick into the side of her neck with all of his might. His claw snapped painfully on her skin, and she didn't even budge under the impact of his kick. It was like she was made of steel!

Was she wearing her chains like skin!?

Tsunade looked back at him, her eyes gleaming dangerously in response. "That's the spirit! Yeah, let's take this outside." Without another word, she hurled the boy with inhuman force, sending his body crashing through the restaurant wall. Glass shattered and brick powdered, the remnants of both flying about haphazardly as the young Uzumaki tumbled through the debris before finally rolling to an undignified stop in the middle of an empty street. The pinstriped man screamed with a mix of indignant terror, but Naruto barely heard him over his own swimming thoughts.

"Ouchies."

The pain wasn't unwelcome though. It had cleared his head a bit, leaving him terribly aware of just what his situation had become.

"Are you crazy!?" Kushina raged at him. Naruto could almost see her standing over him, palming her hips. She looked torn between fussing over him and cracking a palm over the back of his head. "We had a plan! How did you manage to deviate so hard already? Fighting her like this in your condition- are you trying to die!?"

'Aren't you the one who told me craziness is our superpower?' Naruto chuckled, staggering upright and rolling his shoulders. In any case, If she wanted to kill me, she'd have crushed my head to a pulp and I'd be dead already… Nah, she's definitely pulling her punches. Besides, I'm not going off half-cocked. The plan is still a go- er, I just forgot it for a moment because I really wanted to see her holding her damn molars.'

"Naruto, you let her bait you into a fight on her terms! You're still injured; you're not even close to being ready to take her on like this!"

True. Their original goal had been to try baiting her into healing him first -piss her off, play on her ego, and all of that. But she'd played him, instead. Whether she'd seen through his intentions or they'd just been on the same wavelength, it hardly mattered. Now, he was fighting an uphill battle with weights on.

"Goodie, that'll make it all the better then," Naruto sighed, cracking his neck. He turned his glare onto a nonchalant Tsunade, who had carelessly stepped over all of the rubble and placed herself right across from him. Jiraiya staggered through the damage, not far off. He looked torn between interfering and honoring his godson's wishes. "Y'know, I was just thinking I needed another notch in my belt after the raccoon. She's blonde, old as sin, and built like somebody's cheap blowup doll."

"Oh you are just adorable!" Tsunade began to stretch. "Last chance, kid. Get on your knees and apologize; I might even rethink my decision if you're convincing enough."

Naruto knew damn well she was lying to his face again.

"Nah, we're doing things the fun way… The right way." Naruto began stretching as well. "I'm going to knock you flat on your ass, and when I do, you're going to agree to heal everyone I want. That's the only way this is happening."

Jiraiya dropped his face into his palms. "You had one job, Naruto! Can't even make it through dinner without picking a fight, huh!?"

"Piss. Off! She started it and you know it," Naruto bit back without looking at the man. He was calmer than he'd been just a few moments ago, but his rage had not subsided one bit.

No, now it was focused. Exactly as it should have been from the very start. He'd let her bait him this far, but Naruto had no intentions of making the same mistake twice.

Realizing he wasn't getting anywhere with Naruto, Jiraiya turned to Hinata, who had followed him through the debris. "Kid, please. He'll definitely listen to you; reign him in before he gets turned into paste."

Hinata glared back at him, the veins around her eyes bulging with heat. "He can take her."

"Oh for the love of-"

"You're fighting to save a dead man, kid." Tsunade just about groaned. "Even if I did come with you to patch him up, he's been withering away for weeks now with all that poison in his veins. Even if I flush it out- well, at that age, he'd be lucky if he can even breathe without a tube in his lungs for the rest of his very short life." Her voice softened just a touch, her tone taking on something almost sympathetic. "Take it from me, little one: the kinder thing to do would be to let him go."

"Don't bullshit me," Naruto snarled back. He shook his head, putting a firm leash on his anger, this time. "You seemed fine enough to try healing him until I told you he was in Konoha… I don't know what your deal is with the village, but I don't care. You're gonna fix him, even if I have to drag you there kicking and screaming by those damn twin tails."

"Why do you even care so much?" Tsunade's genuine tone of surprise gave Naruto a legitimate pause for a moment. There was something odd in her chakra. Something Leading; probing. "You're really about to get dragged for an old fool who couldn't give a damn about you- you know that, right? I was his student for years, so I know exactly just how manipulative he could be; time and again he used us up and trashed us like cogs in a machine, all for that dumb 'Will of Fire' bullshit of his… Hiruzen isn't worth your love, boy."

Naruto's whole body quivered at her audacity. "I decide that; not you, and not him either! And this ain't just about him either. You spit all over my parents while you were running your mouth. You spit on my dream too! If you think I'm going to let you walk out of here without getting humbled, you're out of your damned mind!"

His words were slow to register. When they did though, Tsunade rocked back a bit, as if hit. "Oh… Oh! You want to be Hokage too then, huh?" Tsunade snorted. Then she doubled over, clutching her gut and wheezing with disbelief. "You? You think any of those clowns back in Konoha will choose you as Hokage? Kid, we both know damn well you don't even have a snowball's chance in hell getting that hat- hell, this is exactly what I mean!" Tsunade's amusement shriveled and died on the spot; even her chakra seemed to soften for a moment, her eyes taking on a wistful look as she stared at hi- no, through him. "Look, it's good to dream big and all, but you're talking to me about becoming a short-lived martyr for a village that doesn't give a damn about you! You'd throw your life away just for the privilege of having your face on a mountain, is that it?

Naruto was silent for a moment. A myriad of faces passed through his vision at rapid speed, each adorned with sneers and distrust.

He'd thought that, after his upset against Neji -after subduing Shukaku and saving so many people too- he'd thought-hoped that things would change. Maybe he'd been expecting too much; maybe he just hadn't looked hard enough...

Naruto side-eyed the civilian family who were not-so-subtly watching them from a nearby window. A man and a woman both glared his way, their suspicion evident.

Kushina's touch ghosted across his forehead, offering what little comfort she could in that moment.

Whatever.

He was long past yearning for their approval; now, he wanted the hat for his own sake. Even if just for the petty right to say he did it.

"They won't have a damn choice if I eat all the competition, huh?" Tsunade blinked at the morbid remark. Naruto's grin was back in place and sharper than ever, an unspoken threat filling the air between the two of them. "It's not about the damn mountain or even their recognition anymore. I'm gonna do it because everyone said I couldn't. I don't need there to be some deep meaning in it, and I don't need anyone's approval either! Sure as shit, not yours!" He swept his hair out of his face, locking both eyes with Tsunade for the first time. "I'll do it because that's what I wanna do, and that's the only reason I need to live my life, my way!"

"A spider doesn't ask for permission to build its web."

'Damn right!' Naruto wore his and Kushina's pride with pride. Maybe it was selfish; maybe it was arrogant. Hell, maybe he was just some ignorant little twerp who was talking out of his ass. He didn't care! "I'm free to weave my own damn web, and if you've got a problem with it princess, then clench your jaw, pull up your frilly skirt, and let's scrap!"

Tsunade started, her chakra grasping desperately for a boy who had begun to remind her so dearly of the precious people in her life. His words sounded so similar to words she'd heard before, so many times in the past from people she'd loved and lost. His dream was theirs, but his spirit was so much like another that Tsunade felt their name dancing just on the tip of her tongue.

"Granny Mito..." Her whisper was so low that not even Naruto caught it. Then a real, honest grin graced her lips. It was a small thing, like her face didn't quite know how to do it quite right anymore. But it was real- realer than she'd felt in so long.

Tsunade felt something she hadn't felt for years. She was exhilarated!

"Fine! Tell you what, kid, you've got me interested now so I'll make you a damn-good bet." Tsunade stood up straight and palmed her hips, grinning. "Judging by your chakra, you're probably only at about forty-percent, yourself. If you can overcome that little handicap and land just one solid hit on me -just the one-, I'll heal anyone you want-"

"I already told you I'm knocking you onto your ass." Naruto cut in with a huff. Her interest had pierced fully through the veil now. But it was backed by something almost desperate.

"Ah-ah-ah, I'm not done." Tsunade cut back in. This time, her grin was just as dangerous as his own. "Double odds! I'll heal anyone you want and I'll give you this!" She fingered the crystalline jewelry wrapped around her neck. "It belonged to the Shodaime, himself. It's a collector's item worth billions!"

"I don't want your deadbeat grandpa's crummy old throwawa- wait, you said billions?"

"That's right!" Tsunade laughed for a moment, before cutting off in an instant, her expression becoming severe. "But if you lose, you've gotta admit I'm right. You're gonna give up on that stupid dream of yours and pull the plug on the old man, yourself."

A pregnant pause fell between everyone present for a moment, then-

"Tsunade!" Jiraiya roared, his fury so potent that Hinata shrunk away from him.

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune cut in as well, her tone aghast. "Why would you even suggest such a thing!?"

"Quiet, Shizune! All of you shut up! I don't need input from the damned peanut gallery! If the kid wants to go around talking his shit, then let him back it up!" Turning back to Naruto, her face was stone cold as she stuck her hand out. "Well kid? Let's shake on it."

Tsunade's chakra was much harder to read, now that she seemed to be sober. Was she just trying to rile him up for the sake of her own amusement? Or was she, perhaps, testing him somehow?

"You're certain you want to go through with this?" Kushina was grinning like a loon. They knew damn well that he-they weren't backing out.

'She called you a loser. She told me to pull the plug on the old man. If I don't put her on her ass right now, then I'm not worth her time…"

There wasn't an ounce of hesitation in him as he grasped her hand. "Fine then. If I can't beat you here, the old man dies. When I win though, you've gotta heal everyone I ask you to heal, and you can start by patching up my girlfriend over there." Naruto jutted his thumb over to a deathly quiet Hinata, who gave him a stiff nod as he caught her eye.

"Naruto-kun…" Hinata paused for only just a moment, swallowing heavily as Tsunade turned her intimidating gaze onto the young Hyuga. A deep breath, then her byakugan flared with the boiling rage she'd harbored on his behalf. "Knock her teeth down her throat."

Tsunade blinked rapidly, surprised to see the meek-looking girl say something so fierce. "So you do have teeth… Right then," She turned back to Naruto, whose apparent calm was now at complete odds with the hissing, spitting, cursing child she'd put through the wall just a few minutes prior. Now, his eyes were hardened with such a familiar ferocity that it made her heart race. "You've got five minutes to 'knock me on my ass' as you keep saying. You start on Jiraiya's count."

Naruto barely even heard her. Every single plan he'd considered with Kushina throughout the day and then some came and went at rapid speed. His goal was clear; all there was to do now was to actualize it.

Tsunade's chakra had been rising and dipping seemingly at random since the moment he'd sat down with her. It was like she couldn't decide whether she wanted to help them or hurt them, and he was getting damn-sick of her indecisiveness! What's more, to have dangled the old man's life in front of him as part of a bet- either the Third really meant that little to her, or she was trying to test him in some way…

Naruto really wasn't sure which it was, at this point. Even reading her chakra was coming up inconclusive; Tsunade was just that hard to actually get a read on.

But she was indecisive, somehow, which meant her mental state probably wasn't all that good.

"Focus. You need to bring your best if you plan to do anything here. Let's review what we've got on the table."

Yeah. His chakra pathways seemed to be recovered enough to fight, though he was not even close to his full capacity, yet. If Tsunade's estimate was accurate, that meant his physical ability was at about forty-percent of his max- which was odd; he'd thought he was much better off than that!

Focus! Naruto shook his head free of any stray thoughts as Jiraiya trudged up between them, fixing Tsunade with a scathing glare. Then he looked to Naruto and nodded, silently. Raising his arm, he began his countdown.

"Three."

His clone was on standby back at the hotel. That was his ace in the hole- his path to a win condition that she didn't know about; he just needed to figure out how to connect the two.

Which meant he had to scout Tsunade out a bit first. He needed to know what she was capable of. What were her limits? How far did she plan to go against him, and how could he find a path around it?

'First, I need a good gauge of her reaction time.'

"Two."

"You need to fight her like you're trying to kill her. No pulled punches, love. Scout her out, break her down, and close it out."

He didn't need her to tell him that. If there was anyone who he didn't need to worry about killing accidentally, it would be someone like her.

"One!"

The skeleton of a plan was already forming in his head, spliced together from a dozen and a half that he'd scrapped. He could see it all clearly…

But how to execute it?

"Start!"

"Put her on the offensive. Build her confidence until it's time to break her down. Find her weakness and exploit it!"

A water-style dance then. Something with the flexibility needed to close the gap without exposing himself too easily.

Naruto estimated he had about four dances in him before his body started giving out on him.

Thrill, unlike anything he'd felt since Shukaku, swelled in his veins. 'I'll close this out in three!'

'Eel's path!' The moment Jiraiya had removed himself from between them, Naruto began to move. His body stretched and warped with speed and flexibility, with the boy closing the distance between himself and his opponent in an instant.

He was almost as fast as he had been against Shukaku!?

Tsunade's palm entered his vision, cutting off that line of thought and threatening to floor him before he could even get started. Having anticipated it, he used the eel's flexibility to contort his spine and curve his body just out of the way, weaving around the linear attack and passing without striking. Her back was to him and he was quick to capitalize, once again feinting before ducking low to evade the coming backfist and sweep her legs out in one motion. Tsunade took a short hop back, allowing the young Uzumaki to follow, his fingers twisting with finesse to form six deliberate hand seals. His fury was actualized into a heat so intense that his skin began to glisten. Naruto slipped into her space, filling his lungs with oxygen until he felt just short of bursting.

Tsunade's eyes gleamed with interest as his chakra surged and fire filled his throat. She ceased her momentum on the spot, lunging forward to close an iron grip around his jaw and force it shut before he could fire, but Naruto had other plans. He tilted forward until he was just about facing the ground, his body entirely perpendicular to it. Then, he drove the back of his heel upwards with extreme flexibility, attempting to brain Tsunade with the improvised attack. It smashed right into Tsunade's interposed forearm, prompting her to grin.

"Not bad! You're pretty quick for a cripple!" Quickly, her grip closed around his ankle, threatening to crush the limb under her insane strength. "But you hit like a limp-wristed bitc-" She stopped as fire erupted from his mouth in a searing torrent, trying to burn her feet. "Oh!" Tsunade was forced to let go of the boy, leaping up before the scorching flame was able to do more than make her sweat a bit.

So he'd used his fire jutsu as a feint to try blindsiding her with that improvised kick of his, which was a feint in of itself to try taking her legs out with his fire.

But that wasn't all! Tsunade's interest spiked as the flames below them coalesced into a tight sphere before detonating in a controlled explosion. Naruto's body burst up above her own airborne form, spinning and flipping with a stomach-lurching inertia that seemed only barely controlled.

He hadn't just used any fire jutsu, but instead had condensed his flame to a propulsive force rather than the expected cone meant to consume her legs. Which meant he'd expected her to react to it and had prepared to catch her airborne!

Tsunade was really starting to like this kid.

"Using your friend's fire-style jutsu as a propellant and transitioning into a water-style dance to turn that momentum into a weapon, huh?" Kushina whistled with clear interest as her son took hold of his inertia and collided with his opponent. "You're learning well!"

"Dance of Tides: Whirlpool!" Naruto tightened his core, bracing his body and slamming an axe kick into Tsunade from above that cracked against her open palm. Her fingers stung just slightly under the impressive force he'd generated.

"Heh! I kinda felt that one!" Airborne as she was, Tsunade had no leverage to easily absorb the boy's force.

So she did him one better. Her grip shifted, taking a smothering hold of the boy's ankle. "I'll show you how to really dance! Whirlpool! Capturing the incoming momentum, Tsunade let her body flip almost entirely out of control, her strangling grip never leaving a gasping Naruto's leg as she dragged him along for the ride. She careened toward the blackened dirt, her quarry in tow with clear plans to smash his body to paste.

"Something springy!" Kushina tried to coach him with haste. His fingers twisted, half on reflex, the other half with vague remembrance, as he contorted his body to better absorb the impact.

The ground shattered under his body, but Naruto weathered it with gritted teeth as his body shifted, absorbing and spreading out the impact like that of rubber. His ankle though, still strangled under Tsunade's terrifying grip strength, had purpled into a swelling, twisted mess.

So he'd been quick enough to mitigate the slam, but not the damage done by her crushing grip… He could work with that.

He was pretty sure he heard Hinata scream his name as debris was torn up by his impact, but Naruto had little brainpower for that, instead twisting his fingers yet again and becoming 'fluid'; shifting his consistency, he wrenched his ruined ankle from Tsunade's painful grip and rolled backwards, trying to stagger away for a brief stint of safety.

No luck, as Tsunade pursued him with little mercy, her fist cocked back as if to make his head match his leg. She was too fast to fully respond to- easily the fastest person he had ever met by a whole country mile and then some. His eyes couldn't even see her move before she was in his space, slamming a vicious right into instinctively raised forearms. This time, Naruto hardened himself in tandem with his chains to better protect his vitals. There was a screech of metal, followed by shattering as his sleeves, which he had tried to condense into reinforced bracers of some kind; they were torn to scrap by her sheer strength. Naruto was sent rolling to a painful stop, a good couple of meters away.

He couldn't feel anything but pain in his leading arm, and it was slow to respond, too. Naruto didn't get a chance to ponder that any further than to recognize that it was probably broken, but still somewhat usable, before his sixth sense once again locked onto Tsunade's chakra. She had leaped high above and was descending toward him, her leg curved upward for a deadly axe-kick of her own. Her foot came crashing down towards his head, and Naruto was only just quick enough to roll out of the way; however, the sheer force behind her stomp completely tore him off the ground and sent him airborne with all the surrounding debris.

"Okay, now you're just showing off!" Naruto howled from above, causing Tsunade to laugh loudly. Her mocking cackle grated on the boy's ears, but he remained focused.

She was firmly on the offensive, now he just needed her to expose her weakness!

His body spun and flipped with little agency on his end, leaving the boy struggling to even find which way was up, let alone finding a moment to counter attack.

But he was beginning to familiarize himself with her movements.

Just like with Neji, his eyes were failing him; just like then, he was up against a foe that far outclassed him, physically. The only difference here being that Tsunade was an elite ninja of the highest caliber, who knew every bit of her strength with absolute intimacy. Well, that, and the gap was so, so much wider.

Needless to say he wasn't beating the woman in a physical confrontation. She knew just about every trick that he did, except turned up to eleven. If he wanted to win, it was going to have to be with something she'd never seen before.

So something completely original…

He could do that.

Staying zeroed in on her position with his Mind's Eye technique was getting easier; he was losing track of her less as he continued to refine himself, even against her absurd speed. Naruto manifested one of his chains, fixing it with three grasping prongs at the end and lunging at the Slug Sannin with intent to skewer her. She tilted her head to avoid it, looking on with interest as it latched firmly onto the ground nearby; he used it to abruptly halt his momentum and sling himself around, righting his position and pulling him stumbling to the ground level.

Once again, she was going for a linear rush at him with that terrifying speed of hers. "Come on kid! Quit running and fight back!" Tsunade's laugh was laden with battle lust as she once again cleared the distance. Naruto saw pain fast approaching in the incoming left, but he was ready for her this time. Fingers twisting on his good hand, his body compressed itself, shrinking down to a fraction of his size and letting Tsunade skid right over him with a squawk of legitimate surprise. Not giving her a chance to respond, he let his body shift again; his arm lengthened to thrice its length and thinned, sprouting ghostly metal barbs along its length.

Even his best would be too slow to hit her. So Naruto didn't bother; he pulled back just a bit, letting his transformed limb crack against the ground and open air like a whip as she danced out of the way, heavily splintering their surroundings with its impact. Naruto chased her down, brandishing his transformed arm and trying to press her. "Dance of Storms: Kraken Waltz." The air cracked seven times, near-simultaneously as his whip met nothing but air, each strike effortlessly evaded by a yawning Tsunade.

"That one was one of grandma's originals," Tsunade noted aloud, her tone wistful. She feinted left before gliding forward in a single bound, cartwheeling just out of the path of the final crack which tore up debris on impact. Stopping short of him, she feinted yet again with an empty sweep that left him stumbling back on his good leg to steer clear of an attack that never came. Righting herself on the spot, Tsunade finally slipped into range for a proper melee, causing Naruto to falter for just a moment in his surprise; she grasped at his weakness with an iron fist, clenching her own in preparation. "This is how you do it, brat!" He had only just enough time to throw his guard up, reinforced with a rapidly forming wall of chains, before Tsunade made her move. Her shoulder rotated like she was chambering a dozen-and-a-half bullets, then in an instant, she had punched that many holes in it within the second. Each blow tore right through his wall and bored into his body before he could even think to respond, tenderizing flesh and fracturing bone like the protections he'd put into place hadn't even existed at all.

"You're not half bad with those chains of yours, kid. Too bad they're built like drywall." Tsunade stood up straight and began to dust herself off. "You're pretty clever though, and you dance alright for a twerp. But anything you can do, I can do better."

Naruto barely heard her. He skidded back and collapsed to a knee, clutching at his abused torso while trying not to vomit. Despite the pain though, a sly grin had begun to creep across his face, hidden by his hanging head.

'I've got it… Her chakra fluctuates when she attacks,' Naruto noted, pulling himself up straight with some effort and rolling his aching shoulder.

Kushina grinned. "So you noticed it after all, then. Why do you think that is?" Her tone was leading. She already knew; she just wanted to see him get there, himself.

He had a theory, but- 'Let's find out!' His fingers painfully crossed into a 'plus' formation. "Shadow-Clone Jutsu." The air was filled with smoke and a dozen duplicates filled the space around him. Multiple complex orders rang unanimously through their heads, drafted and conveyed at the exact moment of their creation.

Tsunade waited patiently as each of his clones shot forward, moving aggressively as a coordinated unit. She raised an eyebrow as a squad of three clones reached her first, one ducking under a casual jab that would have taken its head clean off, while the other two made to flank her. Tsunade shifted in place, first dodging a knife-hand strike from the first before catching his elbow and driving a palm into his head that blew him apart.

There it was. Her chakra had changed!

The two others perked up and tilted back, just as she wound her body around and swept her foot out in an arc that would have most-assuredly taken them out as well.

From above, a clone rapidly descended on her, twisting through the air before trying to crush her head under an axe-kick that closely mirrored her own. With a scoff, Tsunade caught the blow on a forearm, then snagged him by the leg to slam him into one of the original two attackers before whipping around too quick to see and pulverizing the last of the initial three.

"Alright, you've had your fun. My turn." Tsunade lifted her foot no more than an inch before stomping the ground with monstrous force. In an instant, the entire street had been leveled, and all of Naruto's remaining clones were sent skybound, not even giving them a chance to prepare or approach any further. As the lifted debris began to rain down again along with the disoriented clones, the Slug Sannin accelerated in place, using her fingertips to rapidly launch the surrounding projectiles into her targets. They tore through the horde like a wall of bullets, dispersing them all before they had even hit the ground.

Naruto gulped.

'Okay, so she can do… Whatever the hell that was.'

"Eyes open! She's not done!" Kushina's warning was unneeded; it was pretty hard to miss the massive slab of stone that was still descending. Naruto's eyes snapped back to Tsunade just as she rotated on her heel before slamming the curve of her hip into the mass. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head as the giant piece of debris was fired at him at terrifying speed. His chains burst through his clothing and wrapped around his front to weather the projectile, and he was knocked entirely off his feet and sent rolling in a heap as it collided.

"Told you," Jiraiya's voice cut through the rest of his sudden dizziness . "Even her ass is a lethal weapon!" Beside him, Hinata was observing Tsunade's legendary show of strength with an expression that was halfway between awe and terror.

"Yeah, I gathered that," Naruto grumbled, staggering to his good leg.

"You're running out of time, brat. Honestly, I expected a lot better." Tsunade stuck a hand on her hip, leaning forward with a huff. It had been a bit touch and go for a bit, but once again, her chakra seemed to have been swallowed wholly in that same rancid bitterness from before. "At this rate, we may as well just skip to the end and send you on your way, huh?"

Why did she sound almost sad?

Naruto stood up and dusted himself off, wincing at his swelling arm and ankle. "Yeah, that's gonna be a pass from me. I'm gonna win." He meant it too, because he'd finally clocked Tsunade's weakness.

Tsunade Senju's legendary strength was a coveted skill that had been adapted and developed further from Hashirama's own penchant for strength enhancement. In the case of the latter, Mito had discovered during their marriage that it really was quite simple: Hashirama simply used a purer form of yang-release chakra flow to boost his strength far beyond the usual limits of his already overwhelming chakra.

Tsunade's strength was the result of something far, far more impressive.

"It took me a bit to figure it out- your super strength, that is." Tsunade startled at his words, her eyes narrowing with interest as he spoke. "I only realized it so quickly 'cuz Hinata kinda does it too." He grinned as the legendary medic's gaze snapped over to regard a wide-eyed Hinata, almost accusingly.

"You convert all of your excess yin-chakra to a yang alignment to supercharge your body with a heightened yang-release chakra flow." But that wasn't all… "At the exact moment that you do it, your chakra spikes super hard and produces 'sparks', which is excess energy created by transmuting your chakra. For most ninjas, all of that would just be a ton of wasted energy… But your control is so crazy good that you've learned to take the excess energy generated from that change and stockpile it all for later!" By then, his grin had grown so wide that his face hurt. "That's the secret to that seal of yours too, I bet! All that stockpiled chakra you don't use goes there!"

Tsunade gaped at him. "Wha- I… You figured all of that out by watching me launch a rock with my ass?"

He shrugged. "It's a very inspirational ass… But that also means I know exactly how to knock the shit out of you, believe it."

Deep inside, he could feel Kushina practically vibrating with excitement as his plan approached its finish line.

If she was converting her yin chakra to a yang-alignment, then that meant her yin-chakra was bound to dip dangerously low at the moment of her attack, leaving her vulnerable to a yin-release counterattack.

All he had to do was bait her. To most eyes, announcing that he knew the secret to her technique might have been a foolish move. For someone like Tsunade though, Naruto knew the woman just wouldn't be able to help herself when challenged.

Tsunade's shock was quickly overtaken by her own bravado in the face of his declaration. "Alright then, come on! If you're really so confident, then no more running! Come on and face me like a man!" She laughed, rushing forward with her fist cocked back.

Her speed was even greater than ever before, but it wouldn't make a difference- not this time. Naruto tracked her movement until the last possible moment as the distance closed between them. One moment they were meters apart from another, then the next, they were inches away, intent on trading blows. They were mere inches apart when Naruto discreetly formed a one-handed seal, abandoning any attempt at striking the woman entirely.

Her longer arms guaranteed that she would win that trade every time.

Tsunade's fist smashed right into his jaw, raising a cloud of dust around them. Her chakra darkened, and a sad grin melted across her lips. "Guess you weren't shit after all…" Then, her eyes widened with realization.

Naruto had barely budged.

"You-"

Cracked and weakened, but still firmly in place, was a thick, rose-gold faceplate coated in ghostly flames.

The boy had formed it around his face at the exact moment of impact, absorbing the lion's share of her punch. It took only just a moment for Tsunade to realize what he had done…

He had undersold both the speed and durability of his chains in their prior clashes, baiting her into lowering her output to avoid killing him, and also to lower her guard against him…

He'd been playing her from the start!?

"Checkmate," Naruto muttered.

All the way back in their hotel, Naruto's clone dispersed itself, and all of the chakra it had been building up went back to the original in that very instant, already pre-moulded for him and guided by the seal on his back. The eye-slits of Naruto's face mask glowed, an amethyst light illuminating Tsunade's frame within its reach. It crossed with her own amber, and Tsunade only had just enough time to realize her mistake before her head blew back, her blood splattering over the boy's metal-clad face. She staggered back for a moment, her nose a faucet of crimson that pooled uninhibited at her feet. Then, the back of Naruto's fist cracked across her face; she stumbled back a step then fell onto her butt, clutching at her nose with hazy eyes.

"On your ass, where you belong. Yin Release: Empty Bead." The widening cracks in Naruto's face mask finally split enough to reveal his flesh. As if on cue, it began to fall apart altogether, revealing his grinning face that was marred only slightly by the swelling, purple bruise that had begun swallowing up his entire cheek. "How do you like that, you washed up old hag? I win!"

… Why wasn't she saying anything?

Naruto's grin slowly melted off his face as he took in Tsunade's downed form. She was stone, her glassy eyes staring petrified at the sight that stained her hands and face.

"I- this is…" Tsunade said nothing else, her eyes entirely glossed over.

"H-hey, what's up with you?" Naruto squatted down to meet her at eye level. "I didn't mess you up that badly, did I- Woah!" He stumbled back as Tsunade swiped at him, her nails carving thinly through his brow. "You crazy bitch, you almost took my eye out!"

"Naruto, look at her." Kushina's words took him out of his own fury, and when he did, his stomach dropped.

Oh…

Tsunade was scrambling away from him, huddling into herself. Instinctively, Naruto reached for her chakra and regretted it, instantly. Just the taste of her chakra made him keel over; he stuffed his palm over his mouth, fighting back the urge to hurl as her suffering pried his jaw apart and crammed itself down his throat. Its claws slashed a long, messy trail within, finally settling like smoking coals in his guts.

His irises shrunk until they were barely even visible in the white sea of his sclera. He tried to make a sound, to call for help, but all that came was a choked gag as Tsunade's agony wrapped itself around his throat and choked the life out of him with both hands. Naruto shuddered, finally losing the battle and choking out a thick clod of vomit. He fell to his knees, trying and failing time and again to catch even just a stray breath within his lungs.

He was back in the chasm, its walls closing so tightly around him that the breath in his lungs had compressed to the point of bursting. The sloppy mess that his arms and legs- that his body had become spasmed, as if laughing in taunt at what Jiraiya had made of him.

There was no Kushina; he had no lineage. Jiraiya had killed him and Kakashi had abandoned him and his team didn't give a damn and he was just another nameless freak like Mizuki had told him all those months ago and- and…

And he was dying.

He couldn't see! He couldn't breathe! He was dying.

He was dying!

He was dying he was dying he was dying he was-

"Naruto!" Many voices seemed to call to him at once. A quaking hand settled on the back of his neck, and he lashed out with a scream.

"Shit!" Jiraiya stumbled back from him, eyeing the bloody punctures his godson's chains had punched into his palm. "You alright kid?"

His chain-made clothes had shifted, transforming into a mantle of vicious spines, which had extended like that of a porcupine to skewer his godfather. Jiraiya's blood felt sticky on his skin.

"I didn't know if you were safe to be around." Sakura's insensitive words suddenly felt so much realer, watching Jiraiya bleed and knowing that he had done it...

"I-I'm sorry I just- I didn't mean to- you just touched me out of nowhere and I didn't realize-"

"Shh…" This time it was Hinata. Her arms circled around his shoulders, lending him her warmth; his protections shifted to allow her in without the need for command as she drew closer. Naruto realized in that moment just how cold he felt. "It's okay, Naruto-kun. You're okay."

Jiraiya came closer, this time slowly, as if approaching a spooked animal. "It's okay. Everything's okay; I swear I'm not mad. Just breathe."

Breathe… He could do that. Long, deep breaths.

A breath, then another- this one so, so much longer.

"Can you hear me now?" Kushina's voice was gentle -hardly even a whisper. "You started hyperventilating and stopped hearing me. I thought you were going to suffocate!"

"I'm okay," Naruto whispered aloud. "I'm okay… I'm okay."

One more deep breath, and he looked to Tsunade, whose petrified form had been wrapped up by Shizune with a shock blanket. Slowly, she helped the Slug Sannin stand, eyeing Naruto with a mix of concern and anxiousness. "I-I'm very sorry about all of this! I think it's best if I take her home for now. Um- I-I'll make sure she honors her promise!"

Just what the hell was going on? Naruto opened his mouth to ask Shizune just that, but froze as Jiraiya's palms came down heavily onto his shoulders.

"We'll talk later, kid," The white-haired man whispered a solemn promise into his ear. "Just let it be, for now."

"Uh… Yeah, sure. Okay."

---

"So she's afraid of blood, then…"

The trio had opted to take their meal to go, with Jiraiya ultimately footing the bill for both the meal and the damages, much to his consternation. Naruto had, much to Jiraiya's own appreciation -and concern-, kept his mouth shut for most of the trip, breaking his silence only to thank a flustered Shizune as she made short work of the lion's share of his injuries before just about sweeping Tsunade off her feet and taking the woman home. To both Hinata and Jiraiya's awe, Naruto had merely reformed his clothing, undoing all of the damage to it that his spat with Tsunade had caused and leaving him looking no-worse for wear now.

Now, he just seemed conflicted.

Hinata had seated herself by him the very moment they'd touched down at the hotel they were staying at, close enough that their knees and shoulders were touching. It was getting easier to do things like this with him, she was finding. Maybe it was just because she was starting to understand just how much support her presence seemed to mean to her boyfriend, in moments like these. She hadn't said anything yet, but both males knew without words needing to be said that she was deeply worried for him.

"It's a bit more complex than a simple fear of blood, kid." Jiraiya fumbled with his words for a moment. The kids were still young; there was still so much they had to learn. "Hemophobia isn't just a fear of blood, per se; phobias are a bit more intense than just a simple fear. The very sight of it causes her to experience trauma-induced flashbacks… You remember that my team and I fought in the war, yeah?"

He did. "And she lost somebody, right? That's why she's so bitter."

"She didn't just lose somebody, kid. Her brother, her lover, her family. Even Orochimaru -that's around the time he started losing his shit… She lost everybody, Naruto."

Ah. It was the final piece he needed to get a look at the full picture. "Is that why she won't come back to Konoha? She blames the village, then?"

If the village had truly caused her that much pain, then he was finding himself hard pressed to blame her… Was that why she had suddenly gotten so antagonistic?

"Just the mention of the village put her in fight or flight mode…" Kushina's words made a whole new round of guilt shore up within him.

Jiraiya nodded. "For her, the village is just the source of a whole lot of painful memories. She probably blames the old man too, on some level. He was the acting Hokage who sent all of her loved ones to their deaths… She's not wrong either, that old man Hiruzen ain't exactly an angel. I don't think he doesn't care, but- well, the way you screamed yourself hoarse at him the day before the tourney- you probably know better than most how she must feel about him, yeah?"

He did. Naruto wondered if he'd have turned out cold and bitter just like Tsunade, if nothing had ever changed for him. Thinking back to the chasm, he wondered just how close he'd actually come to that.

It was so much harder to hate the woman, thinking like that…

"Honestly, I probably shouldn't be out here airing all her dirty laundry, but I guess I just think it's important that you both understand where she's coming from with all of this. I think you more than anyone else might be able to empathize with her… She's not an evil person, Naruto. She's just- well, she's just-"

"Broken." Naruto sighed. "Like me- er, like I was, I guess." He tried to smile for Hinata, whose wide eyes pinned him under mountains of worry. "Yeah, I got that."

Hinata raised her hand, and the Toad Sage snickered. "You don't have to raise your hand, kid. What's up?"

"Well- I'm just wondering i-if there's anything we can do to help her?" She shrunk into herself at Jiraiya's disbelieving look. "S-sorry, I guess that's a bit presumptuous. I just-"

"I'm just surprised that you want to help, after the way she treated you both tonight." Not for the first time, Jiraiya marveled at the girl's kindness. Unfortunately, there wasn't much he could think of to help his old teammate other than giving her some space, and he told them as much, much to their combined disappointment.

"Now let's put that aside for a moment so you can tell me what in the blue hell you did to make her bleed in the first place, kid." It was a pretty blatant attempt at a topic change; a bid to skirt around Naruto's own episode, for the man knew his godson would not want to speak about it to him. Besides, he'd been itching to ask Naruto about his technique since the moment he'd seen it. Now that the heavy business was all out of the way, he would be denied no longer. "Tsunade's skin is like a wall of reinforced steel. She can take just as much as she can dish out without so much as a scratch! How'd your puny ass manage to knock her on hers!?"

Hinata clearly mirrored the man's sentiment. She clutched at her boyfriend's sleeve, her gaze only doubling down now that it was clear that her curiosity was not alone. She stared down a nervously-chuckling Naruto, her gaze unblinking.

"Er- Honestly, I've got you to thank for the inspiration, Pervy Sage." Naruto raised a gloved palm, concentrating on it for a moment before a sphere of rose-gold chakra began to swirl into place, hovering lightly above.

A rasengan, Jiraiya noted with some awe. So he had figured it out too, then.

"While I was in Itachi's genjutsu, I was struggling to get out from under the mountain of yin-chakra he'd buried me in so I could break his hold. That's when I got this idea." He clenched his fist, seemingly dispersing the chakra. "Hinata?"

Sensing the meaning in his request, her byakugan pulsed, and she gasped. "It-it's a ghost?"

Jiraiya blanched, and Naruto laughed. "Your eyes can see chakra, but can't make out the exact distinctions between types I guess. You know it's there, but it doesn't feel real, huh? That's 'cuz it kinda isn't… It's a rasengan, made out of pure yin-release. It can't deal physical damage in the same way the original works, but because of that, it completely ignores certain physical stuff like the toughness of the body or even physical range. Instead, its range is based on perception, and it targets the mind." Shaking his fist, he added, "Once I realized that her yin-chakra was dipping from stockpiling her strength, I realized I could probably catch her with it, so I made clones to figure out her timing for her strength and told my clone back here to change all the chakra he had built up to yin-release. I'd done it before in a pinch with Itachi, so I figured my clone could probably figure out how to replicate it by the time I needed it, and boy did he deliver! Once he dispelled, all I had to do was make sure I didn't lose control of it when we clashed."

Even though he could not see the sphere anymore, Jiraiya's gaze remained locked onto Naruto's closed fist. "Y-you turned the rasengan into a psychic attack, is what you're telling me… You know, Minato spent years trying to add nature transformation into the rasengan."

Naruto's composure broke. "Uh- I mean it's not the same! Making it something like a fire rasengan one would like- crazy tough!" He began waving his arms in front of himself frantically, as if to ward off the incoming praise. "If anything, all I really had to do was be able to separate my yin and yang chakras and keep the yin stable without using any yang to anchor it. I-I mean I guess it's kinda tough but I already had a bit of a framework to work with so it wasn't really that-" His hasty rambling was cut off as Jiraiya stepped forward, dragging him into an embrace. "W-w-what are you doing!?"

Jiraiya pulled away almost instantly. "Sorry! I just- well done, kid… I'm proud of you."

Ah. "Y-yeah… Thanks, I guess." His lone eye tracked the man's movement like a cornered animal. "Sorry I- I just don't like being touched, ya know…"

Both of them neglected to mention Hinata, who had been all but plastered to him since they'd come back to their hotel.

"Right, right…" Jiraiya tried to fix his grin back into place, but his chakra sank with barely repressed shame.

They both knew well why that was the case.

"I'm- uh… I'm gonna go check on Tsunade. Both of you stay here and don't get up to any trouble; I shouldn't be gone longer than an hour or so." With that, he marched for the door, leaving Naruto and Hinata alone with each other.

Hinata's optic nerves swelled with her family's sight, checking to ensure that Jiraiya was well and truly gone. Her breath hitched in her lungs with the realization that their chaperone had truly left the pair to their own devices.

She could ask him… But first-

"S-so- um… How do you feel?" It was a stupid question. Her boyfriend had a panic attack and she still didn't even fully understand why…

"...Embarrassed, mostly." He shrugged back, seemingly struggling to find anything further to say. "I didn't like being seen like that." He leaned into Hinata's touch as she palmed his forehead. "I wasn't lying to Pervy Sage by the way. I really don't like being touched." His fingers circled gently around her wrist, and he planted a chaste kiss on her fingertips; her flesh flushed under his lips. "I guess I'm just okay if it's you… I know you wouldn't hurt me."

Hinata frowned, listening for what he really meant. "Y-you're still angry at Jiraiya-sama, aren't you?"

"Not really," Naruto cut in immediately. "He's a good guy. I like him," He finally admitted, begrudgingly. "Nah, I'm not angry at him." A thought, then his eyes widened with realization. "I guess I'm scared of him."

It took a moment, but then Hinata understood. "He nearly killed you."

"He did kill me." The amendment to her words gave Hinata pause. "Hinata, I- I died… When Tsunade started freaking out, I-er, I don't know exactly, but her chakra was just so foul and full of pain. I felt what she was feeling and it reminded me of- I was…" He took a long, steadying breath, and when he looked at her again, Hinata's heart tightened in her chest at the frantic look in his eyes. I was back there all of a sudden, dying in that ditch. No one was coming to save me, so I had to save myself…"

Naruto forced down a long swallow, but his throat still felt clogged. "But I failed." The way he spoke was absent, like he wasn't even really there with her anymore. "What if he pushes me again, and I don't get another miracle? What if I die again, and no one even notices? How do I-" He lost his internal battle, choking back a low sob. "I don't want to go back there."

"I won't let it happen." For the first time in her memory, Hinata felt little embarrassment or shame at all as she climbed into his lap, throwing her arms around his neck and pressing her forehead against his cheek. "I'll get strong enough to protect you, I promise… If you ever fall again, I'll catch you."

There was a pregnant pause as he seemed to process her words, then Naruto chuckled. "I don't know, what if you're too far away?"

"T-then I'll get really fast."

"What if I eat too much ramen that day and I'm too fat to catch?"

Hinata pulled away and grinned back, her byakugan pulsing with her rising emotion. "I'm strong as s-sh-shit, remember?"

"Hah! You said it! You said the thing!" Naruto wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling his cheek against her own with a giggle that they shared. "Yeah… We'll protect each other, mm?"

"Mhm…" She wanted to ask. She so desperately wanted to, but she knew that it would break the moment if she did. She wasn't ready for that, but "N-Naruto-k-kun… You remember w-when those ninja came for us, right? I have a question- er, I wanted to ask-"

"I know," Naruto cut in, his voice barely a whisper. "I know… I remember what those guys said." A nervous chuckle fumbled from his lips. "I'm… I'm not ready to talk about it. I will tell you. Soon- like, soon… I promise."

That was all she needed to hear. "When you're ready then."

God, he adored her.

---

Tayuya knew better than to ever admit it out loud, but she'd been pretty stoked when Kimimaro's illness was announced and he was taken off active duty. She didn't have anything against the guy, per se, but his near-slavish dedication to Orochimaru crossed entirely into the realm of obsession. As far as the young man's loyalties lie, he was on a hair trigger, and Tayuya could count more times than she had fingers and toes that Kimimaro's fury on his lord's behalf had found her in his crosshairs due to some kind of misunderstanding.

Many times she had dreamed of sneaking into his quarters and snuffing him out with a pillow or a kunai or maybe a fancy flute genjutsu to peacefully melt his brains into slag in the middle of the night, if only to ensure that a healthy Kimimaro stayed far, far away from her.

Now that he seemed to have a clear path to being on the up and up yet again, she was wishing with all of her heart that she'd followed her gut and put Orochimaru's favorite dog down for good.

Kabuto was just short of hovering around the guy, shooting rapid-fire questions and jotting down notes in that chicken scratch penmanship of his that made her stomach lurch. To his credit, Kimimaro simply bore his medic's attention with a placid face.

"According to my initial diagnosis, your illness had progressed to a point that curing it is going to be a completely uphill battle. However, the medicine that Tsunade-sama provided us should do a lot to at least halt it from getting any worse. For the time being, you'll need to avoid any untoward stress to avoid undoing the work she has already done for you. At least until we can convince her to commit to your procedure."

Kimimaro nodded, absently. He only had eyes for his master, who had seated himself right across from the young man. A warm smile was well-worn on Orochimaru's face as he took in the color in Kimimaro's cheeks.

"I am pleased to hear that you may yet recover, my dear." Orochimaru rose from his seat, striding forward to pat Kimimaro's head; the boy just about purred with contentment at the open show of his master's affection. "You were and are one of my most valued treasures… Seeing you with some color in your face after so long- it truly does bring me joy."

Tayuya fought the urge to gag. Orochimaru was a great actor, that was for certain. She had been among the first of his pets, save for Kimimaro, himself; that very same demeanor had drawn her in as well, once upon a time. Back then, she'd been just about as devoted as Kimimaro. Her foul mouth and lack of decorum had in some ways been a vehicle for her affection for the man; a way to show her trust in his mercy. For as much as she may have backtalked the man, never once had she ever truly thought to disobey him.

If anything, she'd seen it like an inside joke between herself and her beloved master...

But she knew better now; his words were one thing, but actions spoke of his true nature.

Maybe the rest of his clowns were dumb enough not to see through his facade, but Tayuya had always had a keen nose for the smell of bullshit. After the first time the snake had used his mark to torture her- well, now she knew what to look for.

Fortunately for her, she also knew damn well to keep her mouth shut at that exact moment. She made no secret about being brash, sure. But as much as Kabuto's arrogant ass seemed to think it, she was far from stupid; Orochimaru did not suffer the company of fools, after all.

No, There was a method to her madness.

"O-Orochimaru-s-sama?"

Speaking of stupid…

Jirobo squeaked, seemingly wary of enraging his master once again with just the sound of his voice.

Orochimaru's smile was oil separating from water. He tilted his head only just enough to catch Jirobo's quivering form at the edge of his gaze. "Speak."

"Um- my lord, I was j-just wondering if perhaps there was anything that we could maybe-"

Oh for the love of-

"The fatass wants to know how we can make ourselves useful to you right now, oh great leader!" Tayuya cut in with a groan, unwilling to see her teammate make a further fool out of himself. Jirobo turned a scandalized glare her way at her unrepentant snark and bluntness, but she paid him no mind, in favor of the twitching fingers of their shared master.

These days, it was about a fifty-fifty bet that he would punish her just for opening her mouth. Tayuya took that bet every damn time. Ironically, she suspected that playing that roulette was the only thing that had gotten them this far, after their colossal screw up in Konoha.

Orochimaru wasn't quite as quick to discard the things that amused him, and watching Tayuya squirm under the painful ministrations of his cursed hickey no doubt made something funny tingle in the old snake's brain.

So she kept rolling the dice, even if she really hated playing.

Call it boldness, foolishness, or even just plain spite… Maybe in her own way, she was just looking out for her teammates.

Regardless, it was looking like she would be receiving yet another case of 'disciplinary action' for her rudeness, when a thought seemed to occur to the Snake.

"As a matter of fact, I have just the task for you four." His face stretched with a smile that was far too wide, and he made a 'shooing' gesture to the four, as if waving away stray animals. "My serpents have informed me that an old friend of mine has entered Tanzaku; no doubt, Jiraiya is here in search of Tsunade, as well. I can't have him meddling in Kimimaro's recovery until Tsunade has reverted his condition. Keep track of him and his entourage, but don't interfere with their actions in any way without first discussing it with me. I just want to know what they're up to. Do you think you can handle that?"

His orders were delivered with the lash of a patronizing tongue, and Tayuya bit back the urge to snarl at the man as Jirobo swelled with ignorant pride at the obvious bid to be rid of them.

"Yes, yes of course, my lord! Thank you!" Jirobo threw himself down to his knees, and she knew the boy would've kissed the man's feet were they not already on such thin ice. Not wanting to be the odd ones out, Sakon, Ukon, and Kidomaru all joined the boy in humiliating themselves for the man's amusement.

Tayuya chuckled humorlessly, making sure to be just one second slower than the last to join them in their humiliation. Orochimaru's eyes lit with the briefest spike of amusement at her before narrowing once more into a dispassionate gaze.

"Go." They were quick to depart, leaving Tayuya to grumble silently as Jirobo attempted to take charge of the group.

"Let's not screw this up, alright? The only way we're gonna regain any of Orochimaru-sama's trust is if we-"

"Roll down his pants and give his meat a mouth-wash, got it!" Tayuya snapped, exasperatedly. "We get it, you fat tub of lard. You can't live on if the boss man doesn't pat your head and tell you that you're doing a good job! Let's just get this shit done already."

Jirobo's face tinted red- whether that was rage or embarrassment, she didn't know or care. "Watch your mouth! B-besides, it's your fault we're in this situation to begin with! If you would just show some more respect, maybe he wouldn't be so mad at us!" Both of his hands shot up, nervously tugging at his scalp. "Why can't you just be more lady-like or something, huh?"

"You're lady enough for the two of us, you gutless little drama queen." Tayuya rolled her eyes. "Listen, dumbass. Me mouthing off ain't the issue; I always mouth off. Note that I only started getting tortured for it after you dropped the barrier and nearly got all of us killed!" Jirobo flinched back at her accusation. He looked between their remaining teammates, as if hoping they would speak up on his behalf, but their expressions were distant. Tayuya pressed on without mercy. "You let that toad guy disrupt your side of the barrier; you let Orochimaru down and now we're all paying the price for it!" She stepped forward, jutting a thin finger into the boy's chest; he stepped back as she advanced on him, his earlier bluster swallowed into the shadow of his mounting shame.

"But you know what? I don't blame you for that." Her gaze softened just a touch, and Jirobo stammered in surprise. "You were up against one of the freaking Sannin, a guy who is a rival to the boss. I don't blame you one bit for getting your ass handed to you. Any of us would've failed. Kimimaro would've failed. That ain't your damn fault."

Each of her team was stunned silent by the rare show of empathy from her.

Disregarding their obvious shock, she walked past the boy and threw her arms up with a helpless shrug. "What I am getting sick of though is seeing you humiliate us all trying to tongue his whole ass in hopes he'll like us again. News flash, that ain't happening! We're out the door! Just spoiled goods! It's only a matter of time…"

"So what, then?" Sakon finally spoke up, fixing Tayuya with a look full of acid. Ukon peered over their shared set of shoulders, glowering darkly at her; she found that look mirrored in the eyes of Kidomaru, too. "You'd better not be suggesting anything foul, Tayuya."

"Yeah, I don't know about the rest of you, but that's not a game I'm trying to play…" Kidomaru stepped forward, crossing all three sets of arms and looming over her. Tayuya almost scoffed at the transparent attempt at intimidation. "We're not exactly rolling in plot armor, yeah? So I'm not about to let you get us killed so you can run around playing the main character."

"...What I'm suggesting is that we just do our damn job and try to keep our damn dignity intact. Maybe if we just keep our heads down and handle our shit with grace- I don't know, maybe he'll just shunt us off to some remote research base and forget about us like he did, Karin." Sakon and Ukon openly sighed in relief. Kidomaru stood up straight once again and smiled.

"Good. I'm glad we're on the same page then."

Tayuya withheld the urge to sneer in his face.

God, they were all so pathetic. Not a single one of them seemed to understand just how bleak their situation really was. With Kimimaro having a route toward recovery and their grace seemingly lost, it was only a matter of time before one or all of them made a minor mistake that Orochimaru's crazy ass blew out of proportion, if only for the sake of justifying getting rid of them in the man's own head. If they were lucky, he'd just strip their marks and toss them out on their ears. More likely though, he'd just kill them all and use their corpses as fodder for that damned zombie jutsu of his.

Tayuya had no plans of sticking around to roll that set of dice.

---

That's the chapter. Writing this was hard, I'm not gonna lie… I went through about four different iterations of this chapter before finally settling on this. Frankly, it's probably not my best work, but I suppose I'm satisfied.

Now before I move onto other things, let me quickly address something that I know is going to come up. I said that I would keep my analysis and such in the discord from now on, so I plan to keep this short.

This is not a trans Naruto fic. I've had some questions regarding that; some people have even quit the story because that's the direction they think I'm going with this. I am neither familiar enough or talented enough to tackle that kind of story in full at this moment, and if I did something like that I would want it to be done properly. Also, it would be in the description for y'all so you know what you're getting into.

I've laid out my thoughts before in regards to why Naruto has adopted more feminine features, so I'll avoid harping on that too, too much. Let's talk about his clothes and why I chose them. Contrary to Tsunade's remarks, Naruto is not meant to look like a street whore; she is simply looking at someone who is overly done up in appearance and poking fun at him. Maybe some day I'll put together a proper illustration but my art sucks so we'll cross that bridge if/when we get there.

His appearance is meant to feel more androgynous, probably leaning slightly more effeminate, due to his features. But why did I go that route? Because Naruto does whatever the hell he wants and doesn't let other people tell him how he should act, look, or dress. Bewitching Dance Naruto is one who I want to feel carries similar core values to canon Naruto, but also stands out from his shadow. He's not meant to necessarily feel OC, but I do want him feeling differently enough that those differences can be attractive to an audience wanting to read a new take on things. I've said it before; he wants to emulate the strong women in his life who inspire him. Keyword here, emulate. He's not out here trying to become a woman, and that's why I didn't bother going full Naruko or something like that. This Naruto is meant to feel like the type of person who might put on makeup or something like that solely because someone told him not to, or who might dress up because he wants to experiment with a new style of clothing for himself. He does things because he wants to do them and he doesn't need there to be some kind of hidden meaning in those actions for them to be valid to him; that was a large part of his encounter with Tsunade here, and I hope that was conveyed properly.

I go far more in depth in explaining my thoughts there in the discord. Speaking of which:

Special thanks to all the friendly goons in the discord who helped me soundboard a bit and offered suggestions. It really came in handy and I probably wouldn't have finished this chapter in time without y'all.

Speaking of which, if you haven't, come join the discord! You can find a link to it on the profile. Some assembly required.

Chatting with you guys has been a ton of fun, and I'm really glad we've all been able to get along. If you wanna be a part of a growing community of goons that talk in unnecessary and excruciating detail about fanfic-stuff, consider yourself invited.

All of my post-chapter analysis has been moved there. For those of you who are already there, you can expect to see my unhinged ramblings finding its place over the next day or so. Those of you who care to read those thoughts, please come join! We've got a growing community of goons who have been having a ton of fun talking all of this stuff out.

Also this way, I can avoid waterboarding more casual readers who don't care quite as much with walls of text.

This will probably be the last particularly lengthy author's note, moving forward for that exact purpose.

Let me know what you think. I read every review and they really do give me big dopamine getting to read all you guys' thoughts regarding my story.

Alright thanks for reading; I'm gonna go nap.