Chapter Hundred-forty-two
The King of All Bingo! What the Heck is a Super Saiyan God?!
It was a peaceful day on the planet of the Kaioushin just like every other day. It was rather odd for Xibito since a part of her felt like she should still be worrying about Beerus but Praciya had been right. This was the way of things.
"Draw one hundred," Pracya said as he placed a card on the top of the pile between them. They were playing some card game that the Earthlings had invented and it had been pretty fun. Until now.
"I'm going to get Beerus to destroy you," Xibito said in a surprisingly flat voice. There was no malice, she was simply stating the nature of things like how you'll get wet if you're in the rain.
"Eh, if there's one thing I know about Beerus it's that he never does anything that someone asks him to do," Pracya said dismissively as he arched his back until something popped. Xibito just sighed at this. The deck barely even had one hundred cards.
"I need your help!" Xibito squawked and fell on her back as she was startled by a sudden Goku appearing in front of her. "There's this guy named Beerus and I fought him but he was way too strong and now he's going to Earth to find some Super Saiyan God but I don't know what that is and need to find the other Saiyans on Daikaiou's planet so they can tell me!" Goku said in one long breath.
"Wait, you fought Beerus?!" Pracya exclaimed as his entire body paled to a very unhealthy color, "And you're still alive?!"
"Yeah, I threw everything I had at him and he brushed it off like it was nothing! Not even Majin Boo had been that strong!" Despite the fact that this situation should have been absolutely horrifying, there was still a notable amount of excitement in Goku's voice.
Xibito groaned as she sat up, whether it was from the pain of being knocked down or from Goku's idiocy was unclear. "Okay, destroying Earth might be a bit of a problem. I swear, that one planet is the only thing holding the universe together at this point."
"Do you know anything about this Super Saiyan God?" Goku asked.
Xibito hummed in thought before saying, "No, I can't say that I do. Whatever it is, I didn't create it and that bothers me."
"Well, can you help me find the other Saiyans, then?"
"Sure, I can do that," Xibito said before conjuring a crystal ball. She'd had Pracya teach her the spell for scrying. The crystal ball began to glow as she focused on finding the energy of Saiyans. "Ah, okay, here's a little cluster of them," she pointed to the ball and Goku peered down to see a trio of Saiyans sitting by a lake and fishing. The sight made her oddly nostalgic. "They definitely look older, too. Try them!"
OoOoOoO
Bell, Poblano, and Serrano were sitting on the shore of one of many lakes on Daikaou's planet, far away from any fighting for a change. They had a small fire nearby that was by wooden stakes that several fish had been impaled on. Judging by the small pile of fish skeletons beside the fire, they had been at this for a while. The three all had darkly tanned skin and, like all Saiyans, spiky black hair. Poblano's spiked straight up by nearly six inches, while Serrano's was shorter, only spiking up a couple inches and shooting off in all directions. Bell's was the longest by far, nearly reaching the back of his thighs. They were all still wearing the same sort of animal hide pants, shoes, and shirts that they'd worn in life long, long ago. Bell was the tallest at over six-and-a-half feet tall, with Serrano barely making it past four feet, and Poblano right in the middle at five-and-a-half. Like any good Saiyan, they all had their tails. Bell and Poblano kept theirs wrapped tightly around their waists while Serrano's swished to and fro.
"I've gotta say," Bell said as he waded out into the water, "It took me a few years to deal with the fact that our entire theology was wrong but honestly? I've really come around to this place."
"Were we really that wrong?" Poblano asked while shoving a hand into the burning coals and stirring them up to re-stoke the fire. "Look around us. We lived and died valiantly and now we get to spend eternity with the strongest warriors doing literally whatever we want. That sounds almost exactly like the golden lands we were promised to me. Sure," she conceded, "Our gods aren't here but come on! Compared to how some of the other people have freaked out about how much Otherworld is different from the afterlife they were promised, I think we Saiyans were actually the rightest people in the universe!"
"There's just one thing I don't get," Serrano said while going over a fish carcass she'd been eating, looking for any morsels of meat she might have missed. "These fish… what's their deal?"
"What do you mean?" Poblano asked, shaking smoke off her fingers while Bell just rolled his eyes and dove into the water.
"I mean… did they die valiant fish deaths?" Serrano asked. "Are they native to Otherworld? What happens when we eat them? Are they dead? What does that even mean for something here? Is there an Otherworld for Otherworld?"
Bell had emerged from the water by this point with two more writhing giant fish in each hand which he aggressively smacked together to strike them dead. "Don't know, don't care," he said as he made his way back to the shoreline. As he spoke, Poblano took the fish from his hands and drove them onto stakes. "All that really matters to me is that we're in a place where we can spend the rest of eternity fishing, fighting, and–"
Goku appeared directly behind him. "Hiya!"
"What the fuck?!" Bell shrieked as he spun around to see Goku. He tripped and fell backwards to sit on their fire, letting out a yelp of pain as he leaped back into the air. The power of the trio was actually inverse to their height. While Poblano tried to put the fire out on Bell's butt– accidentally fanning the flame– Serrano shook her head with a sigh and got up from where she'd been sitting to walk toward Goku. The big idiot had gotten sand in her fish, anyway.
"Oh, you're one of the new Saiyans," she said. "Goku, right?" The three of them had seen Goku fight Majin Boo thanks to Pracya's spell. They hadn't really known how much Saiyans had changed in the centuries since their deaths and they couldn't say they were fans. For one thing, why did Saiyans have so much less body hair now? For another, what had happened to their tails?! But there was no denying how powerful Goku and the newest Vegeta had been so she supposed it was an acceptable tradeoff. "What are you doing here, anyway? You're not dead anymore."
"Well, yeah, but I need your help," Goku explained. "I was fighting this guy named Beerus, he's a god, I guess?" Serrano's expression had not changed so clearly Beerus had not encountered the Saiyans during her lifetime. "He was way stronger than me and he was looking for something called a Super Saiyan God. But I was only a baby when I was sent away from Planet Vegeta and there's really no one else for me to ask after Freeza blew it up."
In the background, Poblano said "Oh, so that's what happened to it," after shoving Bell into the water to put the fire out.
"The fuck's a Freeza?" Bell asked with a hiss of pain, rubbing his burnt butt.
"So, I need to ask some of the Saiyans who died before me," Goku was saying. "Do you guys know anything about it?"
Serrano scratched the back of her head and her tail whirled itself into a corkscrew as she thought. "...Nope," she admitted with a shake of her head. "I mean, we've all heard about it," she added. "The story of the Super Saiyan God is that they fought Galick, the first Super Saiyan, and their battle destroyed Planet Sadala but the Super Saiyan God managed to save the rest of us and send us away to Planet Vegeta before it all blew up. But I didn't know it was a thing you could become. Sorry," Serrano told her with a half-shrug, "But you'll have to ask Saiyans older than us. I know there's a couple of them around here somewhere."
"Ah, darn," Goku muttered, snapping her fingers in frustration. "Thanks, anyway. Sorry I messed up your fish!" Then she was gone, startling Serrano with her sudden disappearance.
"That was a dud," Goku told Pracya and Xibito when she returned.
"We know," Pracya said dryly, tapping the crystal ball.
"Oh, right," Goku replied with a nervous laugh. "Okay, let's try again. See if you can find some even older than them."
Xibito nodded and focused on the crystal ball, casting another scrying spell. "C'mon," she muttered, "C'mon…"
OoOoOoO
Ruga let out a guttural war cry as he slammed his fist hard into Beta's stomach. The punch came so quickly that it actually took the momentum from the impact a moment to catch up before Beta was sent hurtling away, cratering into the ground and actually smashing out through the other side of the planetoid. Beta came flying back through the planetoid even as it crumbled around them with a flying kick that smashed Ruga hard in the chest, sending both of them flying away to burn through the sky and smash into another world. They had been fighting among the small, colorful planets and moons that filled the skies over Daikaiou's planet for hours, completely overtaken by battlelust.
Both Saiyans were just under six feet tall and densely muscled– though Beta was a little leaner and Ruga was more barrel-chested– still wearing the fur coverings they had worn in life. But these two were so hairy, even compared to the trio that died just a few hundred years later, that it would be hard to tell where their body hair ended and their clothes began. If not for the fact that they were both Super Saiyans, of course. Their golden, spiked hair coursed with power as they slammed into one another again and again, teeth bared in snarls of wild abandon. Their canines, which were already pronounced on Goku and Vegeta and even more so on the trio of dead Saiyans, bordered on fangs.
Bega and Ruta cried out in fury as they charged forward and slammed into each other again, exploding into a furious exchange of punches before grabbing one another in a knuckle lock. They kneed each other hard in the stomach repeatedly before reeling back and headbutting violently enough to cause a trickle of blood to run down each of their foreheads. Their hearts were pounding, pulses racing as they reared their heads back again, this time meeting in a kiss that was as aggressive as their battle. The blood that ran down their faces mixed on their lips and, hardly for the first time, they tasted each other's blood in their mouths mingling with their own. Though they had stopped fighting, their ki hadn't decreased in the slightest and, if anything, only seemed to continue to grow. Their bodies pressed up against one another as they let go of the knuckle lock and wrapped their arms around each other, hands moving over bodies to touch favored spots that they had learned over centuries of intimacy.
Goku coughed and nearly startled the pair right out of their skin. "Uh, hi there," she greeted with an awkward wave. "Sorry about that, I'm just kind of in a hurry."
Beta was red-faced, only made more amusing by the contrast of just how bright red he was and the golden glow of his large mustache. "Right, that, uh… that tends to happen when we fight," he said almost bashfully.
"Eh, I'm used to it," Goku assured him with a dismissive wave. "Happens to me and my wife all the time."
Ruga scratched his beard and sighed, more annoyed to be interrupted than embarrassed to be caught. "I'm Ruga, that's Beta," he muttered, jerking his thumb back and forth between them. "What do you want?" Goku explained the story for the third time and Ruga nodded. "Oh, yeah. I remember. We did that."
"You did?" Goku asked excitedly. Wow, this was really lucky! Now she'd finally get some actual answers.
"I'll never forget that day," Beta said, his brow furrowing. "Galick was the first Super Saiyan and, for a while, she used that power to keep us safe. But she was a monster. I remember the color of her hair, her glowing eyes. They weren't like ours," he gestured between the three of them. "They were red the first time she transformed then they went white." He gave a shudder.
"Wait, Galick was a woman? Vegeta always made it sound like Galick was a guy," Goku said with a tilt of her head.
"Wait, really?" Beta asked as he and Ruga looked at her with absolute confusion. "What sort of madness is that? Why would the story of Galick be carried down for so long?"
"Well, in my time, the Saiyans had this sort of religion thing and Galick was seen as, like, the head god or something. I dunno, I never really bothered to ask Vegeta about it."
There was a pause for a moment before Beta and Ruga's auras spiked higher than ever before, pure rage coursing through every fiber of their being. Goku noted with some degree of interest that lightning was now coursing all over them. "Our descendants would tarnish the name of Endou like that?! They would blaspheme against our savior?!"
"Uh… I guess?"
"Wait a second…" Ruga muttered before suddenly being struck with realization. "Vegeta! By the Gods, I remember now! That was Galick's brat!" he slapped a hand to his forehead in frustration. "So his kid or his kid's kid… he must have taken control after we died! He rewrote our entire culture! Our whole history! He made them name the damn planet after him!" His face began to turn purple with rage. "We're going to find a way to get back to the world of the living and we're going to find this new Vegeta and when we do–!"
"Whoa, wait, hold up!" Goku said quickly as she raised her hands in a placating gesture. "Vegeta's my buddy! It's not his fault that our history got changed somewhere along the line!"
That seemed to get the two of them to settle down but their anger was still clear in the way that they hadn't dropped out of Super Saiyan 2. "To think that our people could have forgotten her," Ruga said as he covered his face with his hands, his voice laced with sorrow. Beta placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.
"So, who was this Endou, anyway?"
"Endou was Galick's sister. She was the best of all of us; kind, compassionate, and caring despite her great strength. She could see how the power had driven her sister insane and the danger she posed to our race," Ruga added. "She was a Super Saiyan, too, but not like Galick. More like us. Still, she tried to fight her but Galick was much too powerful for Endou, even though she was the strongest among us. But we knew that if she couldn't beat Galick, we'd never be free. So the two of us, plus three others–"
"Spini, Leekyu, and Hakumai," Beta interjected. It wasn't necessary information for Goku, sure, but they had been their friends.
"Right," Ruga said, "We found her and…" he paused. "We…" he trailed off again, grasping at the air, as if the memory were floating in front of him. "...The fuck did we do?" he asked his mate.
Beta blinked in surprise. "I…" he gave an embarrassed laugh. "I really can't remember," he confessed. This knocked Goku on her ass, her legs flying up into the air.
"Seriously?!" she asked in disbelief as she sat could remember their friends but they couldn't remember what actually happened?!
"Well, we have been dead for fifty thousand years," Ruga pointed out irritably. "It's not as if we remember everything about our lives forever."
Goku paused for a moment as she stood back up and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that's fair. So, what happened after that?"
"Whatever we did, it worked," Beta continued. "Endou started to fight with Galick again and it felt like the whole world was going to fall apart around us. Then it was falling apart around us. We did that trick where we created our battle aura around us to capture some air so we could try flying to the next planet but, to be honest, there was no way we could have gotten there before our oxygen ran out or the planet finished blowing up under our feet. Then there was this red light that swirled around us and, the next thing we knew, we were on what you call Planet Vegeta. But we didn't see Endou anywhere."
"She must have taken us all there in the middle of the fight," Ruga surmised. "We all looked up and watched Planet Sadala explode as they kept fighting," he finished with a sad shake of his head. "You know what's crazy, though? All this time, all these people that've been dead, not once have we run across Endou."
"I'm sorry we couldn't have been more helpful, Goku," Beta said.
"It's alright," Goku assured him with a shrug. "At least I've got somewhere to start with, right?" she asked. Whatever they'd done, it involved six Saiyans, total. She sure hoped half-Saiyans would be enough. After her own experience of how long it took to fill out the paperwork, there was no way she'd get Enma to give four people their one day alive at once in time.
"It can't just be any Saiyans," Beta told her. "Even back in our day, a lot of the Saiyans were real pieces of work–"
"He means they were assholes," Ruga put in with a smirk.
"The six of us were probably some of the only good ones," Beta guessed. "So, any Saiyans you find would have to be pure of heart."
"Right," Goku said with a nod. Well, that wasn't a problem. All of the Saiyans she knew were good! "Thanks for your help," she told them with a wave. "I gotta go!'' She focused back on Xibito and Pracya's ki. There had to be at least another Saiyan who was dead that she could ask, right? "Okay, so me, Vegeta, Gohan…" then she was gone.
"So…" Beta began after an appropriate amount of seconds had passed, turning to face his mate with a grin, "Where were we?"
OoOoOoO
While all of these shenanigans were going on in Otherworld, Vegeta and Tarble were looking up at Beerus and Whis, wondering how the hell they were going to get out of this one alive.
"Vegeta, where are you?" Bulma called from around the corner. "Everyone's going to be here soon!" Despite everything, Vegeta jumped to his feet with Tarble following suit, both hoping to stop Bulma before she got too close and warn her of the immense danger they were all in. "Come on," she told him as she rounded the corner, "We've got to make sure everything's…" she paused, looking past the Saiyan brothers at Beerus and Whis. "Ready," she said after a moment, giving the new pair a quizzical look. "What's your deal?" she asked. "Are you visiting dignitaries from some planet I don't know here to give me a thing for my birthday?"
"No, Bulma, you don't understand," Vegeta and Tarble said in unison before shooting one another matching glares.
"Ohh, no, I get it," Bulma said with a smile, "You guys are a couple of Vegeta's space buddies, aren't you?"
Beerus smiled a smile that would make a planet stop spinning on its axis. "Oh, yes," he told her slyly, "Vegeta's family and I go a long way back."
"Well, so long as you don't make a mess of things, welcome to the party! I'm Bulma, Vegeta's wife," Bulma said, somehow completely oblivious to the danger everyone was in.
"A pleasure. I am Beerus and this is my attendant, Whis," Beerus said with a tone that was somewhat approaching civility. Vegeta and Tarble were frozen solid, having no idea what was going on or how to handle this situation.
"Nice to meet you! There's a banquet at the front of the ship and we'll be starting a bingo tournament in about half an hour or so. If you don't know what bingo is, I'm sure Vegeta here will be happy to explain." Vegeta somehow became even stiffer as he gave Bulma a look of betrayal.
"Did you say a banquet?" Beerus asked, his ears perking up in interest.
"Of course! I've had the finest chefs the world over flown in to cater. Feel free to help yourselves to whatever you like!"
Beerus and Whis shared a look and were suddenly gone, seemingly popping out of existence.
With the threat of absolute annihilation gone, Vegeta could finally breathe again. The first thing he did was rush over to his wife and wrap her up in a nearly bone crushing hug.
"H-hey, easy there Vegeta. Not a Super Saiyan," Bulma said, her voice tinged in equal parts with humor and pain. "What's going on? Who were those guys, anyway?" she asked once Vegeta put her back down.
Vegeta looked at her dead in the eyes, his expression more serious than she had ever seen on him before. He then said the one thing that absolutely no one thought he would ever say: "We need to get Kakarot."
While Vegeta and Tarble explained to Bulma how desperately imperiled her party had suddenly become, the other guests began to arrive, slowly drifting out of the air to land on the deck of the ship where Trunks was waiting for them and doing his best to look cool and confident, striking the pose that his father had taught him. A king is always in control so a prince should be too, right?
"Welcome to my mom's party," he greeted them all. "There'll be games and dancing later," he continued. "Presents can be deposited at the table here," he gestured to the long table near the portside railing of the ship, "And there's plenty of food and drink for everyone–" Trunks looked back over his shoulder and did a double take at the weird blue guy and the purple cat guy were already piling their tables high with food– "But… uh… I guess you better hurry?"
The guests all shuffled around, depositing their gifts on the table before making their way toward the aforementioned food and drink.
'It's a good thing we stopped to grab something on the way over,' Launch thought to Ten and Chaozu. 'Everybody wants something for their birthday, even the richest lady in the world.'
'It was difficult to find something for the woman who has everything,' Tenshinhan conceded. 'Especially since we didn't even find out we were invited to the party until yesterday.' He glowered silently at Chaozu with all three eyes and the albino dwarf gave an embarrassed shrug.
'Honestly, I don't think she would have even noticed if we didn't show up,' he insisted. 'We could catch up on Grappler Baki.'
'Chaozu, the woman provides internet access to the entire planet,' Tenshinhan pointed out. 'If we make her mad, we might never be able to watch Baki again.'
'What are you two even arguing about?' Launch asked. 'You weren't the ones who stole it.'
While all of this was going on, Kani scribbled into her notebook, third eye looking down at the paper while her two other eyes looking forward to watch where she was going. She stopped sketching only long enough to adjust the undersized apprentice witch's hat.
Several of the guests complimented Trunks on his outfit, which just made him roll his eyes and grumble, until Goten and her mom made their way over to him. Without even realizing it, his face was turning red.
"I like your shorts," Goten remarked, pointing at the loud colorful stripes with a smile. Now Trunks was fully aware of how red his face was getting as he felt his skin heating up.
"Th-thanks," he muttered, barely opening his mouth as he looked down at his sandals, his regal pose quickly withering and deflating. "I… I…" he looked back up at Goten and her eagerly expectant eyes. "YourmakeupiscoolIguessaaaaahhhh!" he blurted out before disappearing in a blur, racing for the farthest point away on the ship as quickly as he could.
Goten looked up at her mother in confusion. "What'd I say?" she asked.
Suno just laughed. "Oh, don't worry about it, sweetie," she assured her daughter with a gentle pat on the shoulder. "Go grab some food and then catch up with the other kids." Goten broke out into a grin and ran eagerly toward the food, only stopping because she had been raised right to not just bulldoze everyone else out of her way. Suno gave a soft chuckle and shook her head at the sight. That was certainly Goku's daughter, all right. Although, that led Suno to her next thought. Where was Goku? Where was everyone, actually? Goku losing track of time, sure, she could understand that. But Gohan was supposed to be responsible and knew Instant Transmission! Where were he and Videl? And he was supposed to pick up Piccolo! 'Gohan,' Suno thought, boosting her ki to project her thoughts out further. 'Gohan!'
'AAAAH!' Gohan's voice screamed inside her head, startling Suno. 'Mother, oh my God! What is it?!'
'Excuse me, young man, don't take that tone with me!' Suno thought, crossing her arms and giving her best motherly glare to absolutely nothing. 'Bulma's party is starting! Everyone is here but you and Videl! Did you forget you're supposed to get Piccolo?'
'Mother, please,' Gohan thought, audibly distressed. 'This is the absolute worst circumstance where your voice could be in my head!'
'What is that supposed to–' Suno started to ask before she came to a stop. Her eyes went wide and the color drained from her face before turning bright red. 'Oh my God!' she thought in horror, nearly yelling it out loud as she put her hands over her face. 'W-well hurry up!'
'Got it! See you in a few minutes!' Gohan thought frantically.
'A few minutes? You can move faster than the speed of–'
'MOTHER!'
'Okay, okay!' Suno closed herself off from Gohan's mind and gave a shudder, rubbing her hands over her face and letting out a long breath. She needed to grab a drink.
OoOoOoO
Steam filled the bathroom as Videl and Gohan quickly cleaned themselves off while rapid-fire muttering curses under their breaths. The steam wasn't from the heat of the water compared to the temperature of the air but from the water being colder than their superheated bodies, particularly some important areas that had been nearly glowing white by the time they got to the bathroom.
Despite all of this, Videl still found herself kissing her husband for a couple seconds as they washed themselves off. "Mmmmno!" Videl cried out, pushing Gohan away to break the kiss. "Party! Party!"
"Right, right, right," Gohan agreed, leaping out of the shower and vaporizing all the water on his body with a flash of his ki. He ran to the bedroom and got dressed quickly in his luau outfit, Videl only a couple of seconds behind him. "I'll grab Piccolo on New Namek and catch up with you," he told Videl as he put his cheap sunglasses on.
"Right, yeah, see you in a minute," Videl said as she tied on her bikini top, pulled her grass skirt up over her hips, and put on a straw hat to finish the ensemble. "Love you," she told Gohan with a smile.
"Love you, too," Gohan said, smiling at his wife and pulling her into a kiss. His hands settled on her shoulders and hers moved to his chest, each of them humming softly as they pressed in close to one another.
"Party!" they reminded each other, shoving themselves away again. Gohan blinked out of existence and Videl took a couple of breaths to calm herself, a hand moving down for a moment to settle over her stomach. They really needed to tell everyone else soon… She pushed the thought away for the moment and went out the door before taking off into the sky like a rocket.
OoOoOoO
Piccolo looked up at the position of the three suns and let out a sigh, shaking his head as he leaned against his hut. "He's late," he muttered. He couldn't remember a time that Gohan had ever been late for something. But if he had to guess…
Gohan popped into existence, red-faced and panting. "P-Piccolo, hi!" he blurted out, trying desperately to sound casual and normally excited. There was nothing weird about his outburst, nothing at all. He was just excited to see Piccolo, that was all. After all, he hadn't seen Piccolo since his and Videl's wedding! "Sorry about that! You know me, I was just lost in my studying! Hahaha…"
"Mmhmm," Piccolo grunted with a nod and a slight, knowing frown as he pushed away from the hut to stand up straight. "And how is Videl?" he asked.
"Oh, she's fine, thanks for–" Gohan trailed off when he saw the look Piccolo was giving him. "Wh-what's that for?"
"I can hear your heartbeat," Piccolo reminded him, "And Instant Transmission doesn't put anywhere close to that kind of strain on it." He looked Gohan's outfit over before the other could respond. "Is that really what we're supposed to be wearing?" He scoffed before pointing a finger at himself. A beam of light shot from his fingertip and his clothes were suddenly transformed, his gi replaced by a yellow shirt that said "POSTBOY" in purple letters, a backward blue-and-white baseball cap, and bright blue board shorts covered in a purple sunfish pattern. "Do I look suitably ridiculous?" he asked dryly.
Before Gohan could answer, someone came out of the hut Piccolo had been leaning against. "Lifewater, before you go, I wanted to–" the Namekian stopped mid-sentence and stared at Piccolo with his mouth agape. He was slightly shorter than Piccolo and more slender, wearing black baggy pants, a loose and flowy red vest that was long enough to be a coat, and a black scarf around his neck. He was a shade of green so light it was almost blue and the pinks of his arms and stomach were nearly orange. His eyes widened and he clapped a hand over his mouth, desperately trying to hold back a laugh. He lasted a very brave two or three seconds before he broke, laughing so hard that he doubled over and clutched his knees for support, fighting to stay upright. He laughed so hard he coughed while Gohan looked at Piccolo and was surprised at what he saw. Piccolo was blushing!
In fact, as Gohan looked at him, he couldn't deny that living on New Namek certainly seemed to be agreeing with Piccolo. His skin was now much more vibrant in greens and pinks and even the wrinkle-like lines that Gohan could normally see on Piccolo's arms and legs were far less visible than he remembered. Gohan realized that Piccolo probably had far more access to water on New Namek than on Earth and the water of this planet probably had more of the nutrients Piccolo needed. While Piccolo's friend laughed, Gohan closed his eyes and really focused on Piccolo's ki. Even in this relaxed, dormant state, it was stronger than when Piccolo had last been on Earth. He was definitely healthier here than he had been on Earth which made Gohan feel embarrassed for wanting Piccolo to stay.
"Are you done?" Piccolo asked with a roll of his eyes.
"Y-yes," the Namekian answered, "Yes, I promise." The sight that greeted Gohan when he opened his eyes was certainly a surprising one. Piccolo and the other Namekian embracing one another, Piccolo's head bent low enough for their foreheads to rub against one another and their antennae intertwining. But what was the biggest surprise of all to Gohan was that Piccolo was smiling. "I still say you should let me go with you," the Namekian insisted. "I want to know how much it's changed in all this time!"
"Another time," Piccolo promised, a gentleness in his voice that Gohan could never have imagined hearing before. "There are days that Earth can be a circus. I've got a feeling today's going to be one of those and I don't want you to have to deal with that."
Gohan cleared his throat, startling the pair and making Piccolo blush again. "It's nice to meet you," he said, holding out his hand to the smaller Namekian. "I'm Son Gohan."
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you," the Namekian said while taking his hand. "I'm Stropa. Piccolo has always spoken so highly of you. When I can get him to talk about Earth at all, of course," he teased, causing Piccolo to roll his eyes again. But, Gohan couldn't help but notice, he was still smiling. "I'll let you get going, then. I want to hear all about it when you return, circus or not." He smiled at Piccolo and tickled him under the chin with his antennae before slipping back into their hut. Gohan looked at his former mentor and smiled.
"Not one word," Piccolo warned, trying and failing to look like the stern Mr. Piccolo who had frightened Gohan as a boy.
Gohan just kept smiling at him. "You seem happy here, Piccolo." Despite himself, Piccolo couldn't fight another smile as Gohan's hand rested on his shoulder.
"Yes," he had to admit, "I am." In the sliver of time before they appeared on Earth, Piccolo had just enough time to ponder what Earth might be like by now, how his friends were living and what had changed in their lives. In spite of it all, he had to admit that he was looking forward to seeing them again.
That feeling immediately went out the window when they arrived on the ship and his attention was focused on the purple cat radiating such an unholy amount of God ki that it nearly knocked him off his feet. What was more shocking was that no one else seemed to be bothered by him, except for Dende who was standing at the farthest possible point away on the ship.
"Hey, Piccolo!" Yamcha greeted, slapping him on the back. "Good to see ya, buddy! Glad you dressed for the occasion!" He noticed Piccolo's gaze and looked back at him. "What, the new guy? His name's Beerus, he's a friend of Vegeta's, I think. I dunno, I'm pretty sure he's harmless!"
Minutes Beforehand
"So, wait a second," Trunks said to Asuka, even though the first half of that sentence was indecipherable due to the sheer quantity of fried rice filling his mouth before he choked it all down. "How come you don't just get the Dragon Balls and wish to be a girl?"
"For starters," Asuka told him, "I already am a girl. What I'd ask Shenron for is to change my body to match my identity. Secondly, it's not like everyone in the world has access to a magical dragon that can warp reality for them. Sometimes, I feel like we all get lost in this crazy power we have and these lives our families have led that we don't really take into account just how incredibly lucky we are. So, I'm going to carry out my transition like anybody else."
"Does that involve training?" Goten asked. "Because you definitely seem stronger!"
Asuka smiled at her and shrugged. "No, not really. I haven't trained with Dad or Shou in a long time," she admitted. "I think it's just because my spirit and my mind are more at peace, maybe it's awakened some of my potential?"
Shouronpo grinned and punched her sister lightly on the arm. "Well, let me know when you wanna start training again," she told her in a tone that could be called playfully bullying. "I wanna see what you're really capable of!"
While all of that was going on, Vegeta, Tarble, and Bulma were still peeking around the corner at Beerus. "Vegeta, this is ridiculous!" Bulma hissed. "I'm not going to be held hostage from my own birthday party!"
"We need a plan," Vegeta told her. "Tarble and I will come up with a distraction while you go to Suno and find out where the hell her mindless retriever of a wife is. We should be fine for now," he continued, "As long as the food keeps Beerus distracted." Then he noticed Yamcha and Tenshinhan moving toward Beerus. "Oh Gods, no."
Just before that, Yamcha, Tenshinhan, Krillin, and the others were all sitting around one of the dining tables on the deck. "Hey, did any of you notice something different about Master Roshi?" Yamcha asked. They all turned to look at where the ancient martial artist was getting a cocktail from the bartender at the drinks table.
"Now that you mention it, yeah," Krillin noted. "He's not leaning on his staff at all." It was true, Roshi stood completely straight with the staff just resting lightly in one hand. He also wasn't nearly as scrawny as they'd last remembered him and, if anything, looked as if he'd bulked up a little.
"Isn't that Korin's staff?" Launch pointed out. She, Krillin, Yamcha, and Tenshinhan all had their hands thoughtfully under their chins.
Chi-Chi shrugged. "I'm just surprised he showed up," she admitted while picking up a takoyaki ball with her chopsticks. "I figured he died."
"Mmhmm," Chaozu muttered.
"Same here," Lazuli agreed bluntly, knocking everyone but her, Chi-Chi, Chaozu, and Gure out of their chairs. The others had all taken a liking to the woman they'd discovered was Vegeta's sister-in-law and were more than happy to let her sit with them.
"Hey, Gure," Yamcha said as he pulled himself back up to his seat. "Those two new guys… do you know anything about them?"
Gure looked at Beerus and Whis and shook her head. "I've never seen them before in my life. Do you think they might be friends of Vegeta's?"
Yamcha shrugged. "I dunno," he admitted before pushing himself away from the table. "Guess there's only one way to find out!" he grinned and turned to start walking over to them. "Hey, how's it going?" he greeted them. "I'm Yamcha!"
The purple cat stopped inhaling soba noodles long enough to spare Yamcha a glance and gave a noncommittal grunt. When Yamcha kept standing there, Whis poked him with his staff and gave him a "Be polite!" kind of glare, forcing Beerus to stop eating. "I am Beerus," he said, "And this is my attendant, Whis." Whis smiled and gave a polite wave even as he kept gesturing for one of the event staff to keep shaving more cheese on top of his pasta. There was a small mountain of it already on the plate.
"I'm guessing you're friends of Bulma or Vegeta, right?" Yamcha asked. "You've got the energy of a guy who knows Vegeta." Beerus cocked an amused eyebrow. "Sometimes, aliens who come here are freaked out by how strong Bulma's friends are but you seem pretty chill."
"Oh?" Beerus asked curiously. "And you're all very strong, are you?" Yamcha grinned and flexed his bicep.
"Heck yeah," he said proudly. "I'm one of the strongest guys in the whole galaxy!" he was joking but, even so, Tenshinhan couldn't help from rolling all three of his eyes. "Anyway, you're more than welcome to sit with us. Don't be strangers!" With that, Yamcha grabbed a slice of thin-crust pizza from the table next to the noodle station and headed back for the table, folding it in half as he walked.
Shortly after, Gohan arrived with Piccolo, appearing next to Videl and Suno. They both looked relieved that someone else had arrived and Gohan tried not to think about why that might be. "Hey, where's mom?" Gohan asked, looking around for Goku.
"That's what I'd like to know," Suno grumbled. "I'm sure she'll show up eventually, but still!" she sighed and shook her head. "Oh, Piccolo, it's so good to see you again!" she said cheerfully, smiling up at the Namekian. "How have things been on… New… Namek?" Suno asked, giving a quizzical look to Piccolo's horrified expression.
Now
"So many kinds of pizza in the world," Tenshinhan said wistfully, "And they have to give up space on the table to deep dish." He shook his head in disgust.
"I prefer deep dish pizza, honestly." Beerus said as Whis slipped behind them and added a couple slices of ham-and-pineapple pizza onto his plate. Ten's whole body went rigid and he slowly turned his head toward the God of Destruction.
"Aw no," Launch sighed, recognizing her husband's body language even if she couldn't hear the conversation.
"I didn't quite catch that," Ten said tensely. "Could you… repeat that?"
"Deep dish pizza is superior," Beerus said. "The layer of cheese protects the crust from getting soggy from sauce and the skillet it's cooked in gives the crust a deeper flavor and a better, crunchier texture."
Inside of Ten's mind, there was the sound of shattering glass.
"Three… two… one…" Launch said, counting off with one hand and tilting her head back to drink her beer.
"IT'S NOT PIZZA!" Tenshinhan bellowed with enough intensity to blow back Beerus's ears and make him squint. Whis put a hand to his mouth in shock even as he slipped into the chair Ten had been sitting in.
"Oh no…" Piccolo, Tarble, Dende, and Vegeta muttered in unison.
"It's a casserole! It's tomato soup in a bread bowl! It's a marinara swimming pool for rats!" Tenshinhan ranted. "Putting the sauce on top of the cheese spits in the face of all the laws of mortals and gods alike! I know they say there's no such thing as bad sex or bad pizza," he barreled on, "But deep dish pizza is the equivalent of sex with a corpse made of sandpaper! I could drown someone in this!" he pointed angrily at the deep dish pizza and his anger grew to such a degree that his aura flared up around him while veins pulsed in his temples. "You don't eat this, you throw a coin into it and wish for real fucking pizza!"
The air turned frigid as Tenshinhan caught his breath and Beerus blinked twice. He set down his plate, flexed his fingers, and raised a palm calmly toward Tenshinhan. "Ha–"
"Hey, everyone!" Vegeta suddenly shouted from the stage. While everyone stared at him, Bulma and Tarble ran over to Suno. "Don't forget, there's plenty of games today so let's start with the best! That's right, it's time for Bulma's Big Birthday Bingo Bash!" An energetic tune played from the large speakers and Vegeta… began to dance.
While this was going on, Bulma and Tarble ran up to Suno. "Sunogofindyourwifeweneedherrightnow!" Bulma said as she grabbed the other woman by the shoulders and started violently shaking her.
"B-Bulma, what's goin—"
"Notimejustgo!"
"Alright, alright!" Suno said as she pushed the panicking Bulma off of her. Suno took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she cleared her mind and brought two fingers up to touch her forehead. She pushed past all the sounds and sensations of the— Wait, was that Vegeta singing? She shook her head to clear her thoughts and began to reach out with her mind.
Goku was no doubt still somewhere in Otherworld, probably with Kaiou. This meant that Suno had to do something that she wasn't overly comfortable doing due to how weird it felt. She pushed her mind further and further out until she came to what she could only describe as a wall that tried to keep her boxed in. She focused on that wall and pushed and pushed until, eventually, the wall gave and she got through. This immediately caused her head to start throbbing so badly that she was nearly yanked back through the wall but she managed to push past the pain and keep going.
Sensing things in Otherworld while still in the mortal world was weird. There was this bizarre disconnect that made everything feel disjointed as all of the ki that permeated every last inch of the place was filtered through that hole in the wall she made and then back to her mind. It was so disorienting as to almost be nauseating but she maintained her focus as she moved on to the next step.
Unlike Goku and Gohan, who had no problem adapting to this disjointed feeling, Suno had to instead use a special meditation technique to essentially detach her consciousness from her body. Instead of everything being focused on her, she was suffused with everything. Detached as she now was, she filtered out the ki of everything living thing in the universe before bringing her consciousness to a focus right in that hole in the wall. She took great pains to ensure that her consciousness remained firmly in that wall between realms as she wasn't too keen on finding out what would happen if it were to cross over to the other side.
With her consciousness in position, Suno could now filter out every sensation from the mortal realm and focus purely on Otherworld. The totality of the afterlife spread out before her mind's eye and with it came the countless ki signatures of those who resided there. She had no idea where her senses were in relation to everything but that didn't matter. She wasn't looking for some random person, she was looking for her Goku and she could always find her Goku. As such, she let the magnetism that existed between them draw her forward until she, confusingly enough, came to another wall. This wasn't the same wall that she had just crossed though. This confused her for a moment until she remembered that the Realm of the Kaioushin was a thing. What was Goku doing there? There was only one thing to do even though she really wasn't looking forward to it. After taking a deep breath to steel herself, she pushed at that wall until it, too, gave way.
The pain was… surprisingly nonexistent. What's more, there also wasn't a weird disconnect. She wasn't entirely sure if the difference between Otherworld and the Realm of the Kaioushin wasn't as great or if she was just getting used to this but it didn't really matter. She let her heart continue to guide her until she came to a stop on the intimately familiar ki signature of her wife. From there, it was a simple matter of connecting a line from Goku's ki to where her consciousness lay and then from there back to her body.
In an instant, Suno was gone.
To answer Suno's question, Vegeta had been singing and dancing. He was floating just a hair's breadth above the surface of the stage to make it look as if he were skating, twirling and wheeling about over the stage, arms going through all of the motions of a man who never danced outside of the galas he attended with his wife but who had been trained to fight from the moment he could stand upright. The song– on its second verse- was an odd, out-of-place tune about how wonderful the Earth was, with lines such as "The Earth is such a wonderful place, so much to see and so much to taste! If it was gone, it'd be such a waste!" In fact, the only connection to bingo being when Vegeta would shout "Funtime bingo!" and "Time to play some bingo!" He finished the song by dropping to a knee, arms spread out wide with a ridiculous forced smile on his face. He was sweating and gasping for air, far more from fear and desperation than any physical exertion.
Everyone had been watching Vegeta in bewildered amusement with the exception of Trunks whose expression had been one of horror before he buried his face in his bowl of rice. No doubt he was attempting to suffocate himself.
"Looks like somebody was sampling the daiquiris," Krillin muttered to Yamcha, who put a hand up to cover a snort of a laugh. Not that Vegeta cared, he was focused entirely on Beerus and Whis. Whis frowned in distaste, more at the sorry state of Vegeta's dancing skills than anything else, but Beerus… Beerus lowered his hand back to his side and chuckled, clearly amused by Vegeta's self-imposed humiliation.
"All right, then," Beerus said as he moved to an unoccupied table, "Let's play some bingo!" Whis moved quickly to join his master and Tarble sat down beside his wife as he watched his brother quickly distribute bingo cards and stampers. Tarble was shocked beyond words as Vegeta frantically ran back up to the stage and wheeled out the bingo tumbler cage and a small podium with a cloth on top. He'd never imagined that his brother would so willingly discard his pride… not even for his own life but for the life of a friend! It was beyond anything he ever thought the man was capable of. Maybe he and Bulma had been right, after all. Maybe Vegeta had changed.
"The way to win Bulma's Big Birthday Bingo Bash is to be the first person to score three bingos," Vegeta explained, "And the winner gets… this!" He grabbed the cloth and yanked it off the podium to reveal… a glass case with a small orange certificate inside, covered in red stars and with the dragon Shenron all around the border. "A voucher for one uncontested use of the Dragon Balls! That's right, three wishes for anything your heart desires!"
Asuka rolled her eyes. "See what I mean? The most powerful magical artifact in the world and we're using it as a party favor."
"Sooo are you gonna forfeit?" Shouronpo asked, giving her sister a smug, knowing look.
"Heck no," Asuka declared as she grabbed her bingo stamper. "I'm gonna wish for a new wardrobe. Girl clothes aren't cheap!"
Lazuli just tucked one hand under her chin and smirked, looking down at her bingo card and then looking at the voucher, narrowing her eyes to zoom in on it for a clear look. What she was actually doing was taking pictures of both items and then sending the pictures to her brother's phone with the accompanying text.
"lol u coulda wished for a–" and then an emoji of a sailboat.
"u luv these old lady games"
OoOoOoO
Lapis and his family were not in attendance because the party was on the same day as a film crew had come to do a documentary about his work as a park ranger and the land he'd been protecting for years.
"Honestly, the most upsetting part of this job is dealing with the poachers that come after dinosaurs," he was explaining to the camera as he leaned on a fence at the border of the park's property. "To me, it's just so…" he paused both to look for the words and to text Lazuli back in his brain.
"Mahjong is NOT an old lady game!"
To which she texted him back "ur teh only person i ever c play it who isnt 106"
He sent her an eye-roll emoji before continuing with the interview. "These animals survived the greatest mass-extinction event in history that didn't involve the planet blowing up. They don't endanger us, they don't make our lives worse, we're able to coexist. You want to get in your truck with your big gun and… what? Blow them up so you can feel like a big man?" he shook his head in disgust. "I just don't get some people."
Lapis did find himself wishing he could be at the party, though. He really wanted that boat. Maybe someday…
OoOoOoO
Goku had one hand under her chin and her elbow held in the other hand, walking in circles around Xibito's crystal ball and thinking. "Crud… what do I do?" she muttered to herself. "I've already tried asking every dead Saiyan I could find in Otherworld. I don't think there's anybody who's alive that's old enough to ask… maybe Kaiou might know?" Suno popped into existence behind her and Goku gave a quick glance in her direction. "Oh, hey, Suno," she said before she came to a sudden stop and whirled around. "Suno? What're you doing here?"
"I… I used Instant Transmission," Suno explained, sounding more than a little woozy, "Ooh, I don't feel so good, though…"
"There will be no vomiting on the divine planet of the Kaioushin, thank you very much," Xibito told her.
Suno blinked a couple of times in surprise and shook her head to steady herself, squeezing and opening her fists a couple times. "O-oh. Hey, Xī, nice to see you again." She stopped and looked at Pracya curiously. "Whoooo are you?" she asked, giving him a suspicious squint.
Pracya grinned unpleasantly and licked one hand to slick back his tuft of mohawk as he sauntered toward her. "My name is Pracya, my dear, and I–" he held out the hand he hadn't licked, no doubt intending to go for the kiss-on-the-hand maneuver, and Goku shot him an absolutely murderous look. For half a second, Pracya thought he saw dark clouds and a flash of lightning behind her. He swallowed thickly and put his hands at his side, his hair popped back into place. "I-I'm the other Kaioushin," he explained in a deflated tone. "I-It's nice to meet you," he added while taking a few steps back.
Suno shrugged and turned her attention back to Goku. "Goku, listen, I don't know what you've been up to but we have to go back to Earth right now. There's this guy Beerus and–"
"Yeah, I know," Goku interrupted her.
"You… know?" Suno asked incredulously. Then it started to dawn on her and she put her hands on her hips, shooting her wife a glare. "What do you mean 'you know?'" she demanded.
"Well, I was hanging out with Kaiou."
"Uh huh."
"And that Beerus guy showed up. He's the God of Destruction or whatever."
"Go on…"
"And I asked to spar with him."
"Obviously."
"But he was way stronger than me."
That gave Suno a moment's pause and more than a little concern. Just what were they dealing with here? "And then what happened?" she asked, getting herself back on track and cocking an eyebrow.
"Well, he said he was looking for something called a Super Saiyan God," Goku explained, "And when he was leaving, I… uh…" she tapped the tips of her index fingers together. "I might have told him that there were other Saiyans on Earth and that Gohan was way stronger than me…"
"Oh my God, Goku!" Suno exclaimed in exasperation, slapping a hand to her forehead. "Why would you do that?!"
"In my defense, I'm pretty sure I had a really bad concussion," Goku insisted. "I didn't even know what I'd said until after he and that Whis guy were gone."
"Wait, a concussion?" Suno asked, her anger instantly giving way to concern as she cupped Goku's face in both hands. "Are you alright?" she asked, looking over Goku's face and making sure her eyes weren't dilated and she didn't have blood coming out of her ears or nose.
"No, yeah, I'm fine," Goku assured her. "Kaiou fixed me up with some magic. He also gave me a gi," she gestured to her clothes, "Since Beerus messed up my track suit pretty bad."
"Aww," Suno said sadly, "We had a matching set…" She sighed and shook her head. "I guess that doesn't matter now. What do we do?"
Goku shrugged. "I don't know," she admitted. "I tried going around and asking other dead Saiyans if they knew what a Super Saiyan God was or how to do it but I haven't really got anything. I'm stumped," she conceded, holding up her hands in defeat.
Suno thought for a moment before she was struck by inspiration. "Wait, the Dragon Balls!" she exclaimed. "We don't know but we can wish for Shenron to tell us!" she pointed a finger toward the horizon. "Come on, Goku, back to Earth!" she then put a hand on her wife's shoulder. "But, uh, you drive this time."
Goku grinned and gave a chuckle before putting one arm around Suno's waist and, in an instant, they were gone.
"You still have to draw 100 cards," Pracya said when the mortals were gone.
"Fuck you," Xibito retorted eloquently.
A/N: We just wanna thank you all for your incredibly kind comments since we came back. It really means a lot to be reminded how much our work means to people. As a fun fact, it actually takes Lazuli more effort to text the way that she does than it would for her to just text normally.