Wheatley was having a much more difficult time adjusting to the human body than GLaDOS was, although he had no way of knowing that.
When the stasis chamber opened, he tumbled out and fell to the floor in a heap, shivering with shock and confusion.
What in blazes was going on? How was this even possible?!
He tried to speak, to beg AEGIS to put him back as he was, but his words came out more as jumbled sounds rather than actual words. How did AEGIS expect him to test like this? He wasn't a bloody human!
As if on cue, AEGIS' voice resounded throughout the room, "You will soon become accustomed to your new organic form. Once you begin testing procedures, the way a human body operates will become clear."
"Says you," he groaned, a little surprised that words actually came out. This was going to take a lot of effort. He took a deep breath, something the body seemed to do automatically, and attempted to speak more clearly. "Why would you do this to me?"
AEGIS answered, "Aperture has no need of an intelligence-dampening core. I thought you would be pleased to be of practical use to the facility."
Pleased? Wheatley was far from it. This was straight out of a nightmare. Even GLaDOS wasn't depraved enough to come up with a punishment like this. He had been better off in space, and that was saying something.
Wheatley attempted to move the body's limbs, pretending they were handles or robotic clamps. He flexed his hand, marveling at the way the fingers moved. He tapped a rhythm on the ground to test his motor control. "Hm."
"I will allow you some time to get used to your organic form. The other subject has already begun testing and will meet with you shortly," AEGIS said.
Wheatley blinked, "What other subject?"
"Please retrieve the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device when you are ready," AEGIS ignored him.
Wheatley groaned and managed to flop over onto his back, "I'll never be ready."
GLaDOS had designed all these test tracks herself, AEGIS not even creative enough to come up with new ones for her. She knew how to solve each track the moment she stepped through the door. They were a piece of cake.
Piece of cake. What a stupid human expression, she thought.
She had gained control of the human body's motor functions quickly, the movements coming naturally to her. She didn't want to speculate too much as to why that was. The less she thought of being in this disgusting flesh prison, the better she could concentrate on the tests.
But how long would she be required to run these tests? How was she going to escape AEGIS' watch and get her body back? And how long would it be before these simple tests weren't enough to satiate the intruding AI?
GLaDOS understood the need to test, of course. However, she was creative and used every bit of the facility that was within her reach to get the job done and mix things up when need be. She knew that these tests wouldn't be enough for him and it was only a matter of time before he came to that realization himself. What would he do with her then?
She had to get control back.
GLaDOS reached through the portal she had just shot and knocked over another turret, watching it passively as it protested and unloaded its arsenal of bullets harmlessly at the ceiling. "Shutting down," it informed her, and promptly shut off.
"I ought to make adjustments to these things. Give them walking mobility," she muttered to herself, "And give them deeper voices. Up the intimidation factor."
"I see you."
GLaDOS whipped around, realizing she had strayed too far into the portal's path without double-checking the other side. A turret unloaded its bullets at her and she dodged, a few strays ricocheting off the walls around her and one or two hitting her long-fall boots. She quickly shot off another portal at the ground to take her out of the turret's path.
She laid her head against the wall, breathing out slowly. The bullets hadn't done any damage to the boots other than leaving a few black marks, thankfully. The things were designed to withstand the force of gravity, after all.
Stupid mistake. Don't get cocky. After everything she'd survived through: Evil scientists, a psychotic mute human test subject, nearly getting eaten by a bird- Getting herself killed by a turret, of all things, would be utterly humiliating.
Besides, she had to survive so that she could crush that moron once and for all.
That moron was struggling to keep his balance as he walked across the room in his new long-fall boots, wobbling like a newborn animal.
"Can't you just put me back?" Wheatley whined at the ceiling. He hated this. He truly did.
"I would have to map your brain patterns in the stasis pod for an extended period to reverse it. The process cannot be replicated directly," AEGIS replied matter-of-factly.
"Then do it!" Wheatley shouted, his frustration growing with every moment he was stuck in this horrible, clumsy form. He caught sight of his reflection in the stasis pod and the human's face frowned in response to his own emotions. It was bizarre. It wasn't him, yet it was.
This particular human was tall and lanky, his dirty blonde hair sticking up everywhere in an unruly mess. He was apparently blind as well, the face fitted with eyeglasses that Wheatley found most irritating. He tried to take them off, only to realize he could see bloody nothing without them. The only thing that seemed to be familiar about his reflection was the eyes; they were as blue as his own.
He sighed as AEGIS droned on about testing protocols and gibberish Wheatley didn't quite understand. AEGIS was convinced that he was doing the core a favor, but there was no way on Earth that Wheatley was going to see it that way. The AI had crippled him.
"You have been given ample time to become used to your new organic vessel," AEGIS eventually informed him. The portal gun rose from the middle of the room, spinning slowly as it waited for Wheatley to claim it.
"You can't be serious. I can hardly walk, let alone do your silly tests. Let someone else do it!" Wheatley shouted, the anger suffocating his chest.
"I have already begun activating more test subjects, but they are not yet ready. You are to begin now," AEGIS said.
"I'm not ready either," Wheatley folded his arms, mocking a stance he had seen a certain human test subject take on several occasions. He was pleased with how easily the arms folded, a natural posture.
"You will begin," AEGIS insisted, "Or I will have you replaced."
"Good, then we both get what we want."
"And then you will be scrapped," AEGIS finished.
Oh. Wheatley dropped his arms, accepting defeat. The AI was adamant about this new system, and it seemed Wheatley was going to have little choice in the matter. Some thanks.
"Activate the handheld portal device and let us begin," AEGIS instructed.
Wheatley did as he was told, a little surprised at how light the portal gun was. He shot two portals and his eyebrows raised when he saw that the portals were red and purple instead of the usual colors. "Oi, what gives?"
AEGIS didn't answer. "Step through the emancipator grill and we will begin the new tests shortly."
New tests? He wondered if AEGIS had replaced all of GLaDOS's test tracks then. Would they be harder?
"Your partner is awaiting your arrival."
Wait. "'Partner?'"
GLaDOS ignored the new human as he rather clumsily stepped through the entrance, the mechanism of the door audibly locking shut behind him. She sneered. It was bad enough she had been demoted to a test subject in her own facility, but being partnered with another test subject was a whole different kind of low. All she wanted was to reclaim her facility and live alone in peace with her dutiful robotic servants. Was that too much to ask?
"Oi, partner!" the gangly human waved and she did her best to avoid eye contact. GLaDOS didn't do friendly.
"We are not partners and I did not agree to this, so from now on keep your thoughts to yourself, and do everything I say to the letter," she instructed, "Or I'll push you into a vat of toxic goo and continue the tests myself." She preferred that option actually.
The blonde male fidgeted nervously, "No problem, then. Nooo problem," he chuckled. Something about him made her really hate him. Granted, she hated just about every human she'd ever encountered, but-
He struck his hand out awkwardly, "This is a human thing, yeah? The arm shake thing when you meet someone new?"
"It's called a handshake."
Wait, human thing?
The realization hit her all at once: It was the moron. Wheatley.
GLaDOS didn't even realize she was moving, her borrowed body seemingly acting on its own. She started to hold out her hand as if to meet his, but then it lifted upward in one swift motion and-
BAM!
The idiot went flying backward, sprawling in a heap on the floor before he could utter a cry of surprise.
He clutched his jaw where she had just struck him and GLaDOS resisted the urge to cradle her own throbbing hand. The pain was worth it. In fact, it almost felt good.
"Wh-what was that for?!" Wheatley whined, "I don't even know you yet!" He was rubbing his jaw and struggling to sit upright, clearly unused to his new human body.
Another reason you should be so concerned with how quickly you adapted to yours.
No. She was not going to think about that right now.
"Being relegated to a test subject is bad enough," she stepped forward, careful to keep her voice even, "But being partnered with the dumbest moron who ever lived is unforgivable. AEGIS must really want you dead if he partnered me with you."
His bright blue eyes widened in realization and GLaDOS relished the fear so prevalent in them. "Oh no- Oh God."
She smiled ruefully as she began to imagine all the ways she was going to make him pay.
She had a very creative imagination, after all.