Chapter 15: Present day

Derbyshire July 1811

Elizabeth felt the piercing gaze of Darcy upon her as she swiftly descended the hill. What have I done? I tried to end my life. What is wrong with me?

She cursed herself and tried not to look back at the man who had saved her life.

She knew that the angry words she had thrown at him were just a reflection of her anger toward herself. She was certain that she would have jumped if not for him.

A thousand thoughts raced through her mind as she ran down the hill. The day before, she had received a letter from Mary. Elizabeth was surprised to find two letters in the envelope.

Lizzy,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits. I do not want to waste time by mentioning the usual affairs of Longbourn. I have been searching for answers about your birth ever since you left. Last night I found a letter in Papa's safe. If I am right, I think it belonged to your mother. I assume the person who wrote it was your father. I could not find any clue about his identity. I am enclosing the letter along with mine, hoping you may find something you need. I will write to you again.

Yours,

Mary

Elizabeth finally thought she could get an insight into her birth and read the other letter in a hurry. But to her dismay, there was no clarity about the identity of the man who sent them to her mother. It was a letter professing deep love and affection. There was no other detail or clue in the contents. The letter was signed with the initials "DR".

"DR?" What could that mean? Are those the initials of my father?" She wondered.

She read the letter over and over again. It seemed as if it was a letter written during a period of separation.

Uncle Gardiner said my mother was in love with someone in town, but this letter does not affirm it.

She was confused and frustrated the whole day, unable to decide what she must do. She hardly slept that night. By morning, she was in a state of distress. Nobody knows anything. Uncle Gardiner has no answers. The only way I can find out anything about the identity of my father is if I return to Longbourn and confront them. As she walked up the hill she had given up hope in life. In a spur moment of anger, she had decided to end her life near the cliff when Darcy intervened.

I would be dead by now. She thought.

Inwardly, she struggled to accept that she owed her life to some unknown rider. She walked as fast as she could to Ashton Park.

On the other hand,Darcy wondered who she was as he saw her disappear down the hill. He stood rooted to the spot, unable to forget her face. Somehow, he did not feel offended by her manner or words.

He was intrigued by the whole episode. Darcy glanced at the falls before leaving.

Did she try to jump?

I don't think so, but something was amiss about her.

He rode to Pemberley in deep thought. He realised that the episode with Elizabeth distracted him from matters concerning Georgiana. After two months of separation, he had finally acknowledged the need to see her and had returned to Pemberley the previous night.

There was no correspondence between them when he was in town. Their meeting the previous night had been very formal.

Georgiana was reluctant to converse with him. She made inquiries after her cousin Richard, and her aunt and uncle.

Darcy was guilty to enquire after her welfare, knowing very well that her face conveyed everything he wanted to know. She looked unhappy and depressed.

He had left for his ride early, unable to fathom how to repair his relationship with his sister. He knew they could not get past the incident at Ramsgate unless they discussed it openly.

Neither of them was up to revisiting the details of the past.

Meanwhile, Elizabeth was engulfed with guilt as she entered Ashton Park. It took some time for her to return to normalcy. She could not concentrate on the children that morning when they sat with her to study. She was constantly reminded of her act of cowardice when she saw the distant sight of the hills through the window.

"Miss Smith, why are you always looking at the window?" Emily asked innocently.

"Oh! It is nothing." She replied.

"Mamma used to say that I am being absent-minded when I do the same thing."

Elizabeth laughed at Emily's observation. She could not believe how easily she had given up on her present life. She promised herself that she would never venture down that lane again.

As of the letter, it was of no use to Elizabeth. There is no name, no address, or anything substantial. Mary sent it to me with good intentions. Unfortunately, I can infer nothing from it.

The very day, she wrote a reply to Mary.

Dearest Mary,

I cannot begin to express how much I miss you. Whenever I see Miss Darcy, I am reminded of you. I understand your intent in sending me the letter.

I read it many times. I am unable to find anything that may lead to the identity of my father. As you doubt, Mamma and Papa are not revealing the entire truth. Uncle Gardiner mentioned that all her knew about my father was that he was someone from town. But this letter seems as if it was written during a period of separation. Unfortunately, this letter only adds to the mystery of my past. I could come back to Longbourn and demand answers, but I am certain that there is not even the slightest possibility of getting the truth out of them. As painful as it is, I must learn to live with the fact that I may never know who my father is. Nor will I know why my mother chose to hide his identity. I must be content with my present situation Mary, and only hope that someday we can meet each other.

Yours,

Lizzy

She folded the letter and placed it in an envelope addressed to Charlotte. The sisters had corresponded with each other through Charlotte and Maria. They never wrote directly to each other.

Before she slept that day she opened the closet and reached out to a leather box she had hidden under her clothes.

Her uncle had given her the box before he left. She opened the box and looked inside as she often did.

"This belonged to Sarah. She wanted you to have it. She gave it to me before she died. Fanny does not know about this. I do not know why, but this seemed very important to your mother."

Her uncle's words echoed in her mind. She took the chain and held it in her palm.

It was the most beautiful piece of jewellery she had ever seen. Jane and her mother had several chains and necklaces, but none were close to the beauty of this.

The delicate chain had a beautiful emerald pendant. Elizabeth wondered whether the chain was given to her mother by the man whom she had loved.

She put it back into the box and went to sleep. She woke up the next morning and left for the same hill for a walk.

Somehow, she anticipated meeting the man who had saved her life the previous day. But the place was deserted.

She reached the top of the hill and stood gazing at the waterfalls.

She knew the only reason she was alive was because of Darcy.

Who is he? She wondered, contemplating the prospect of meeting him again in the future.