Chapter 20: Something more
It was two weeks since Elizabeth's first visit to Pemberley. Since then, Darcy and Georgiana had dined at Ashton Park a few times. Whenever Elizabeth was in Darcy's company, she felt unsettled in his presence. Though they conversed cordially amongst the company, Elizabeth could sense some scrutiny in his gaze.
Maybe he disapproves of my friendship with his sister. She thought.
Darcy, on the other hand, admired her. He found her to be very intelligent. Her interactions with Georgiana were sensible and kind. He could see that his sister was happier when she was around Elizabeth.
Her interactions with the children reminded him of his mother. Elizabeth was kind but firm in her approach. Darcy was curious to know more about her. He was intrigued by how different she was from other women he met in his social circles.
Somehow, he felt there was more to her past than she revealed.
Her manners and behavior signify that she is well-bred. She seems well-educated. How long could she have worked as a governess at such a young age? He wondered.
Darcy met her a couple of times on the trails when he was on his morning ride. There was nothing but a formal exchange between them on such occasions.
He could sense that she was uncomfortable in his company. He knew she did not forgive him for his rudeness at the bookstore. He wanted to apologise to her. But he weighed the possibility of such an act.
What if it deters the current cordial relationship that I have with her? He thought and hesitated.
One weekend Elizabeth was invited to have tea in Pemberley, along with the Ashton family.
Edmund and Emily ran around the house in excitement. They had not visited Pemberley for many months.
"Mrs Davidson, I do not want them to behave in such a way. I suggest you and Miss Smith keep them in order," Lady Isabella cried as they entered the house.
"I do not think Miss Smith is invited as the governess here my dear. She has been invited as a friend of Georgiana. I don't think you can demand her to take care of the children. Why? If you find it taxing to see them run around, you can take them upstairs along with their nanny. If you find it something difficult to do, that is all right. I can let my son know when he comes." Lady Martha said.
Her daughter-in-law tried her best to compose her anger.
Elizabeth felt uncomfortable.
"Madam, Miss Darcy tells me that there are toys in the nursery. Maybe the children can spend some time there. I can give them company," Elizabeth said.
"Oh! Yes! There are a lot of toys in the nursery," Georgiana said.
Lady Martha agreed. Lady Isabella
Once they had tea, Georgiana and Elizabeth took the children to the nursery.
"This is a beautiful room, Miss Darcy," Elizabeth said in admiration.
The walls were painted in a light shade of pink. The curtains had floral embroidery. There were several dolls to play with. Emily picked them up with excitement.
"The décorations for the nursery were done by my mother. She spent a lot of time doing embroidery and knitting clothes for me. My brother said that she somehow knew that I would be a girl. I have often seen him sit here in the evenings. Both my father and Fitzwilliam were devastated by her loss. As for me, I never knew her. But to date, Fitzwilliam tells me everything about her," Georgiana said.
Elizabeth pondered on what she had heard. She could not imagine the stern-looking Darcy sitting in a girlish nursery. There must be another side to this haughty man. She thought.
They lost track of time as they sat playing with the two excited children.
"Miss Smith, this horse looks like the one you showed us in the book yesterday," Edmund exclaimed.
"Oh! Yes! It does," Elizabeth said.
"What is the story about?" Georgiana asked.
"It is a wonderful story about how a little girl makes friends with a horse. The horse helps her find her lost picnic basket," Emily cried.
"What a lovely story, Emily. There are some books about horses in the library. Would like to read them?" Georgiana asked.
"Oh! Yes! But I want to play here."
Elizabeth and Georgiana left for the library and promised to send the books upstairs.
Elizabeth took the wrong stairs and Georgiana laughed.
"See this is why you must visit me more often," Georgiana said.
"Even if I stayed in Pemberley for a month, I would not know my way around the house." Elizabeth said with a laugh.
Inwardly, Georgiana wished that something like that would happen.
As they reached the library, a servant came to Georgiana requesting her presence in the parlor.
"I shall be back soon. The books are in the farther end of the library, by the large oval windows," Georgiana said.
Elizabeth hesitated to enter the library alone.
"Is something wrong?" Georgiana asked with concern.
"No, you please carry on." She said and entered the library with hesitance.
To Elizabeth, the space seemed larger than the last time. The candles were lit.
She looked for the books. Within a few minutes, she found them. As she turned to leave, she realised that it was raining outside. Elizabeth slowly walked closer to the large window. It was getting dark.
Somehow, the atmosphere and situation rekindled memories of the evening at Mr Brook's house. She looked at the candles on the nearby table and fought hard to erase the memory of the horrific incident that day and what she had done to defend herself.
Suddenly, she heard the library door open, and in walked Darcy.
The timing of events were horrific similar to the past, and Elizabeth started to tremble at the sight of Darcy.
She turned white and froze as he walked towards her.
"Miss Smith, I came looking for my sis…" Darcy started and stopped abruptly. He could see her state of distress and assumed she was unwell.
"Good God! Are you unwell?" He cried and took another step forward.
Elizabeth gasped and dropped the books she held. She took a couple of steps back in alarm.
Darcy suddenly realised what she felt was fear, and it devastated him when he understood that she feared his presence. He could not look at her so. He did not know why she was scared to see him.
"Forgive me for intruding on your privacy." He said and left her, unable to understand why she suddenly felt so in his presence.
The men had returned from their ride as it had started to rain.
Darcy had come to the library in search of Georgiana.
He walked to his study. His mind was circling around what he had witnessed. Why did she feel so? Why did she fear being along with me?
Of course, Darcy, she must fear being alone with any man. She is a governess.
He knew how men took advantage of someone employed in their households. He could not imagine her suffering that way.
She must have experienced something in the past to feel insecure. He paced the study relentlessly. He had to control himself from going back to the library to check on her welfare.
In a few minutes, Georgiana entered the study. She saw her brother's state of tension.
"Fitzwilliam, what is wrong?" She asked with concern.
"Nothing."
"Where you looking for me?"
"Yes! We should invite our guests to stay for dinner and also stay for the night. The storm looks bad, and it is not advisable to let them take the carriage back to Ashton Park in such weather."
"Of course. I will," Georgiana said with excitement and left.
Darcy struggled to compose himself. He did not understand why he felt so unsettled after the incident. He joined the others in the drawing room. His eyes immediately fell on Elizabeth. She did not look up from her book. Darcy could not determine how she felt.
"Fitzwilliam, Lady Martha has agreed to stay for supper," Georgiana exclaimed.
"I hope the storm should pass by then," Lady Martha said.
"It does not look so, mother. Even if it does, the roads will not be in favourable condition for us to travel." Lord Philip said.
"I insist that you all stay here for the night," Darcy said, and Georgiana pressed them to stay.
It was decided that they would stay for the night.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth tried her best to compose herself after the encounter in the library.
She could not forgive herself for betraying her fears to him. The moment Darcy walked into the library, she reacted by instinct. Fear overtook her whole body. The incident she thought she had erased from her memory came back to haunt her like a demon.
The words Darcy said before he left echoed in her mind.
"Forgive me for intruding on your privacy."
Oh! God! What would he think of me? I must have made him feel like a rake.
He knew that I feared his presence and left me alone. How am I to even converse with him cordially? She wondered. By the time Georgiana returned, she had composed herself. She had returned to the parlour, dreading to see Darcy there. She had heaved a sigh of relief when he was absent there.
Now, she felt his gaze upon her. She did not dare to look in his direction.
Georgiana left with Mrs Reynolds to look after preparations for their stay. Elizabeth excused herself and headed to the nursery.
The children were still playing happily, and Elizabeth informed Mrs Davidson that they would stay for the night.
"Do you think the change of place will be difficult for them to sleep?" Elizabeth asked her.
"I do not think Edmund should have a problem. But Emily always finds it difficult to sleep in a different place."
Georgiana joined them.
"I have made all the arrangements for your stay," Georgiana said.
Elizabeth smiled weakly. The last thing she wanted was to spend the night in Pemberley. Lady Martha had asked Elizabeth whether she would be comfortable staying for the night. Elizabeth had no choice but to agree.
During dinner, Elizabeth had to face Darcy.
He stood by the stairs as Elizabeth and Georgiana came down.
Elizabeth had no choice but to meet his eye. She expected the same scrutinizing look from him, but there was nothing but concern on his face.
Darcy looked at her, and her beautiful eyes lacked sparkle.
He offered his arm to both of them and led them into the dining room. Elizabeth tried her best to relax. But she could not. She felt that fate mocked her and exposed all her follies to him.
She cursed herself for how she behaved in the library.
Georgiana showed Elizabeth her room, and Elizabeth was surprised to find it in the family wing.
"Should I not stay in the guest wing, Miss Darcy?" She asked.
"The Ashtons always stay in the family wing. So will you." She said.
"But… did you confirm this arrangement with.. I mean your brother…." She could not complete the sentence.
"My brother feels the same way. I hope you will sleep well. Sometimes I never sleep in our townhouse. It takes a few days for me to get accustomed to a different place."
"I shall sleep well. Thank you!" She said and retired.
Darcy joined Lord Philip for a glass of wine before retiring for the night.
"You seem to be distracted today. I am certain you did not like your ride getting interrupted by rain." Lord Philip said.
"I assure you that is not the case."
"Then what is bothering you? You seem to be out of sorts."
"It is nothing."
"All right then, my man. I will see you tomorrow." Lord Philip said and left.
Darcy did not want to head upstairs. He felt unsettled. He felt an odd comfort in the thought of Elizabeth staying in Pemberley that night. He somehow felt happy that she was under his protection.
Her distress concerned him. He was certain that her welfare was not at risk at Ashton Park. But he knew how the world was. He could not bear the thought of some rake taking advantage of her.
He paced his study relentlessly. He could not understand why he felt that way. He wanted to give her a better life and protect her from danger.
She is not my responsibility. Why do I feel this way? If I feel this way about Georgiana, then it makes sense. Because she is my sister and I love her.
But Miss Smith is not my sister, and I do not love…
He stopped his thoughts abruptly. He finally understood that in just a few weeks, he felt something for her. It was not merely the concern for his sister's friend, but something more.