Chapter 21: Letter

Elizabeth stayed awake until midnight. It felt strange to spend a night in Pemberley. A night away from Ashton Park felt as though she was staying away from home. She could hear the downpour outside. She hoped that the children would have an undisturbed sleep. She suddenly felt unsure about everything. The incident in the library reminded her that she was living a lie. She felt guilty.

She knew she had not hidden her identity and situation with Lady Martha. But now, she questioned her decision on keeping others in the dark.

I thought everything was going well. I almost forgot everything that happened in London, until today. What would he even think of me?

Somehow, she had an uneasy feeling around Darcy. She felt as if he was suspicious of her. The way he constantly looked at her made her uneasy.

She slept after midnight and woke up early. She knew she could not leave the property and walk on the nearby trails. So, she decided to head to the gardens.

The rain had stopped, and the morning air was crisp. Elizabeth did not see anyone down except the servants. She knew the Ashtons were not early risers.

She left the house and reached the path that led to the gardens. She walked along the path that ran around the length of the house. She admired the beauty of the property. She stopped in the rose garden. The flowers looked beautiful and the scent was magnificent. She walked in the gardens for about fifteen minutes and sat on one of the benches.

She took a deep breath and promised herself that she would forget what happened the previous day.

When she got up to leave, she saw Darcy walk into the garden. Elizabeth prepared herself for the encounter.

She could see that had returned from his ride.

He approached Elizabeth, and she could sense his hesitation as he walked closer to her. She stood as he walked towards her.

"Good morning, Miss Smith," he said.

"Good morning, sir."

"I hope you are feeling well," he asked.

"And why would you think that I am unwell?" Elizabeth blurted out with irritation.

Darcy was silent. Elizabeth expected him to be angry and irritated. But all he saw in his eyes was the softest expression and concern she had ever seen from him.

"I am well. Thank you," unable to hold his gaze.

"Georgiana should be awake now. I assume the Ashtons are not early risers. You could break your fast with us," he said with warmth.

Elizabeth nodded her head.

"You have a beautiful garden," she said, trying her best to converse with him cordially.

"My mother had a great interest in gardening. We have retained everything as per her taste."

Elizabeth did not know what to reply. She could sense the sadness in his voice.

"Miss Darcy must take after her mother. She gave me a lot of insight about many flowers," she said.

"Oh! Yes! She does enjoy gardening."

There was another awkward moment of silence. They looked at each other in silence. Both of them struggled to carry on the conversation.

"Shall we head inside?" Darcy asked, offering his arm.

Elizabeth took it, and they walked indoors. They left for their respective rooms.

Just like Elizabeth, Darcy had spent a restless night. He could not come to terms with his feelings toward her. He had left for a ride in the morning, feeling unsettled. He rode into the woods and tried to get a grip of his feelings.

I admire her. I cannot deny it. But how could it be love? He wondered.

I have hardly known her for a month. He was certain that it was not merely attraction for her beauty. He admired her intelligence, character, and kindness.

It will not do. I cannot entertain this thought. How can I even think this way? She is an employee at Ashton Park. This is impossible.

He was determined that the feelings he had developed for Elizabeth would soon pass. He rode back to Pemberley with resolve. He walked from the house to the stables.

She will leave today. I can limit my time in her company. My feelings will pass.

He thought. He walked along the path from the stables that led to the east side of the house. He suddenly stopped.

The sight of Elizabeth sitting in the gardens made him stand rooted to the spot.

He could see from a distance that she was deep in thought. He could not brush aside the memory of his mother sitting on the same bench in her favorite place in that garden.

That instant, all his resolve had melted away, and he had walked into the gardens.

He sat in his room now contemplating his stupidity. I could have easily avoided meeting her. But I could not. What is wrong with me?

He met Georgiana and Elizabeth again in the breakfast parlor. Darcy was silent and said very less.

Elizabeth and Georgiana conversed about various topics. The Ashtons joined them in some time.

"You could stay for dinner Lady Martha," Georgiana pressed again.

"We have already stayed longer than planned, my dear. We must return to Ashton Park before another rainstorm starts," she said, looking at the gloomy sky.

Georgiana held Elizabeth's hand as they left.

"I cannot express how happy I am to have you stay here," Georgiana said with warmth.

Darcy stood next to his sister, and he felt the same way. He assisted Lady Isabella and Lady Martha into the carriage. The children kissed him goodbye.

Elizabeth was the last to get in. Darcy had a strange feeling as he let her go. He felt as if she belonged with him in Pemberley. He handed her into the carriage, unable to let go.

"Take care. I will call on you soon," he said, in a whisper, just audible to her.

Elizabeth sat down and stared at him. She was glad that no one had heard what he had said. She was baffled by the way he behaved.

As for Darcy, he cursed himself for his lack of control. Georgiana looked at his frowning face.

"Is something wrong brother?" She asked him.

"No!"

"You look worried. Are the roads bad for travel? Is that what you are worried about?" She asked innocently.

"There is nothing concerning. Do not worry."

They walked into the house, and Darcy felt an emptiness within himself. He had never felt this way with any woman before. He finally realized that he was in love. The feeling tormented him.

He locked himself in the study for a good part of the morning, struggling to come up with a reason to think otherwise.

Elizabeth reached Ashton Park and felt unwell. She had a terrible headache, and Lady Martha wanted her to rest.

Her mind replayed the incident in the library over and over again. Darcy's face flashed through her mind.

Why was his behavior so altered? The last thing I need from him is his sympathy. Is he toying with me?

Maybe he suspects something about my identity and wants to taunt me?

A million thoughts raced through her mind.

How long can I go on this way? Maybe I took the wrong decision to work here. But everything was all right before I met this man.

She felt confused and angry.

She walked to the cupboard and reached for the leather box on the shelf. Elizabeth looked at her mother's jewelry.

Suddenly she felt an overwhelming anger at the man who had given it to her. The man who had ruined her. She hated him. She hated her father.

In a fit of anger, she flung the box across the room. It hit the wall and fell.

The chain flew out of the box and landed on the floor.

Elizabeth collapsed to the floor and cried. She felt extremely angry at herself and her situation.

She looked at the necklace on the floor. She slowly got up and picked it up.

She did not know why her mother wanted her to have it. She picked up the box and placed the chain inside. Just as she was about to close the box, she noticed the lining at the bottom had shifted.

Elizabeth pulled the base. She was surprised to find another compartment inside. There was an old sheet of paper inside the space.

She hurriedly opened it and realized it was a letter.

Elizabeth read the letter in a hurry.

Dear Sarah,

I would begin this letter with my deepest regard for your health and well-being had the situation not been different. I cannot express the kind of agony I felt after I received your letter. I always believed in our love. I wish I could say I still do.

But unfortunately, I cannot. Every hope I had in us has evaporated in thin air. I still cannot believe it. I still cannot believe this revelation.

I cannot recognize the woman who wrote this, Sarah. Your words make no sense to me except ascertaining that my father was always right.

You just want money because of your current condition. I thought you were different from all the girls I met in London. But again, I was wrong. How could you even mention the thought of marrying another man?

Whatever your condition is, your decision shows me who you are. You may argue that your situation is altered, and you have no choice but to make this demand from me. But I cannot sympathize with you.

You know very well what our agreement was. But now, nothing matters to you. Our love, our dream, nothing matters to you.

I regret the day I met you. I regret the day of our union, which you hold against me. You find great pleasure in mentioning our union without any feeling of devotion. I still wonder if you are in your right senses to write this letter. But do not doubt it, as it is from our trusted source.

Do not fret. I can settle this matter. I can settle this matter with you appropriately.

I will send a handsome sum to compensate for this reckless relationship I have had with you. You could use it in however way you want to forget the pain I have caused you.

You may marry as you wish. Please fulfill your father's wish. I am certain this is a pleasing prospect for you rather than being my wife. Yes, it would be easy for you to wipe away the memories you spent with me, in every aspect of a union between a man and woman.

As for this letter and the funds I am about to send you, this will be the last you hear of me.

I wish you a lifetime of happiness and joy. I would not add love, as the word means nothing to you.

Yours,

DR

Elizabeth's hand trembled as she read the letter. She reread in a hurry. She could not make sense of it at first.

Then she realized what the letter was all about.

This was the response from my father when he knew that my mother was with child. Elizabeth felt overwhelmed with distress and despair. She knew for certain how her mother would have felt to read the same letter.

Whenever she had looked at the chain before, she had the slightest hope that her father was an honorable man. But now, she realized that her mother wanted her to know the true character of the man who had ruined her.

Suddenly, all the anger she had towards Darcy evaporated in thin air. Her anger turned to rage, and it was directed towards one man who was responsible for all her trauma, her father.