Chapter 13: Family Affairs (5.05) 10/15/95
"Hey, Cap. Got a second?"
"Yeah, Rita, come on in. What's up?"
"I have that pilot coming in in about an hour to give a statement on the Carmichael case. Do you mind if I get Chris out of here for a little bit until then?"
"What's going on with him today?"
"Ronnie Atkins' funeral was this morning."
"Ah… go." Harry motioned Rita out the door. "I'll interview the pilot when he gets here. Take the rest of the day if you need it."
"Cap, are you sure? Want to play hooky with us?"
Harry smiled. "Nah, that's why I get paid the bigger bucks. No playtime. You take care of him, okay?"
Rita walked over to Harry and enveloped him in a huge hug. "Thanks, Cap. You're the best."
"You're getting me all choked up here. Go, go! Before I change my mind." He gave her a fatherly wink as she left his office.
Harry stood at his window, silently watching his number one homicide team interact with each other. He did this often over the years, usually hearing Rita's melodic laughter or Chris' incessant teasing as they bantered back and forth. The real magic was listening in as they volleyed theories about cases and pieced together details that most teams would ignore. It was uncanny. Between Chris' dogged work ethic and Rita's reasoning and natural instincts, they were truly a sight to behold. He had the privilege of working with them for almost three years now, and he saw the highs and the lows of their friendship and partnership. While the highs were plentiful, the lows seemed to be catching up. Near-death experiences, failed relationships, and now lately something else he couldn't quite identify. One minute they were the same old Rita and Chris, and the next he was putting out fires that were completely out of character for the both of them. Ridiculous accusations, putting down each other's theories… They were parched kindling, always ready to ignite, and Harry was the one hiding the matches. He had become quite fond of them over the years, to the point where they were like a son and daughter to him and Frannie. He hoped whatever it was that was going on would settle soon. He was getting an ulcer.
Today seemed somber for the pair, but they appeared more connected than ever. There was a calm in the bullpen that he hadn't felt in a long time. Chris' car accident earlier in the week was traumatizing for them. For Rita, it was another call where she had to race to the scene unsure of her partner's condition. For Chris, it was not only his physical injuries but the death of the teen driver of the other car. Sometimes it took a low point to recenter and regroup. Rita seemed to be the elixir to Chris' soul this week, and Harry saw the familiar warmth of their friendship settle over them. Now that the Carmichael case was solved, today would be a good day for them to escape for a bit.
While Harry could barely hear their conversation from his vantage point, their body language spoke volumes. He watched as Rita leaned over Chris' desk to get his attention, carefully convincing him that he needed some time away from work today. He watched Chris shake his head and tell Rita that he was fine. Rita shifted her focus and her stance, nodding towards Harry's office, most likely telling him that they had permission to escape for the day. Chris sat stoically for a second, as Rita reached over him to grab his wallet and keys. There was no way to say no to a determined Rita Lance. Chris gave her a small smile and relented, and Harry watched as his two favorite detectives walked out of the shop. As happy as he was to see some semblance of normalcy return, there was something about them lately that he couldn't shake. They were different. Splitting them up maybe wouldn't be a bad thing. He'd been contemplating it for a while, not because of anything they did wrong, but because they were both so damn near perfect the Chief wanted them to train other detectives; make the unit stronger as a whole, maybe add another team to the Silk Stalkings detail. This would be needed anyway if Rita got the Chief of Detectives position that would be posted soon. She was a shoo-in. The Chief was ultimately leaving the decision up to Harry, for now, but he just didn't have the heart to split them just yet. He'd need a real reason.
Instead, Harry reflected on personal matters. His godson, Matthew, would be in town next week, and Rita now owed him a favor. Harry grinned; he couldn't wait to tell Frannie that her matchmaking scheme would be even easier to launch.
Rita walked out of Cap's office and over to Chris' desk. She needed to get him out of here today. Once she realized why he was so upset this morning, it occurred to her that they hadn't had a moment together away from the shop in days. She was hoping for an hour and was eternally grateful to not have to rush back. Chris needed this. They both needed this. It had been a stressful week, to say the least.
"Hey, Sam- what do you say we get out of here? Breakfast is on me."
"Don't you have the Carmichael witness coming in soon?"
"Cap is going to handle it. I just got us the entire day off. Let's go."
"Sam, I'm fine. You don't have to do this."
Rita reached across his desk to grab his wallet and keys out of the drawer. "You coming?" She walked around to her desk to grab her purse, throwing his keys and wallet inside.
Chris gave her a soft smile. "This is kidnapping. Assault on a police officer."
She flashed him her classic smirk. "Come on, let's go. Before Cap changes his mind."
Chris reluctantly got up and followed his very determined partner out the door. As much as he appreciated Rita's gesture, he was hoping a day at work was just the distraction he needed today. Not just because of Ronnie (although he consumed the bulk of his thoughts), but because this entire week left him feeling shaky and confused.
Once again, Rita was there, like always. She picked up the pieces of his life, just as he had done countless times for her. Only now, he felt strange. Overly sentimental. When they hugged this morning, he didn't want to let go. He inhaled Rita's essence, drinking in her goodness, reminding himself of why this woman meant so damn much to him. They had been off-kilter the last few months, and today he caught a glimpse of their old selves; before the shooting, before Eric and Jillian, before the moments that seemed to alter their friendship. Contentment washed over him that made him feel peaceful, yet unnerved at the same time. Why did he feel like he was navigating uncharted territory?
Rita wasn't sure what to make of Chris' silence since they left the shop. He seemed a million miles away, and the look on his face worried her. She had all of his expressions pretty much memorized, but this one threw her off. There was sadness in his eyes which was expected, but there was an undercurrent of something else. She had only seen a hint of this look one other time, right after their hour-long undercover "soul kiss" that stole her heart forever. She shrugged it off, refocusing on her goal for today. She needed to cheer up her best pal. "Penny for your thoughts, partner." Chris looked up at her with a shy smile. "You haven't touched your breakfast, Sam. That's unheard of."
"Sorry… I guess I'm not the best company this morning."
"Nonsense, you are always good company. Now, what shall we do today? I have a few ideas, but I don't want to push you too much. Today is your day."
Chris gave her a grin, seeming to shake off whatever cobwebs had invaded his mind. "Feel up to going to the cemetery with me? His family is probably gone by now. I just need to put this to rest once and for all."
"You got it, Sam."
Chris stared at her for a second, then exclaimed a small, wistful laugh.
"What?"
"Nothing… I've missed the Sams."
Rita paused for a moment. She had noticed lately that their nickname had been absent from conversations, with her being the main culprit. She wasn't sure why. Something that had once been so organic to their friendship had disappeared over the past few months. This week, in the wake of the accident, she found herself reconnecting with her Sam. "Are you referring to the nickname or the people?"
"Both. Is it just me, or have things been off between us?"
"No, I've noticed it too. I know I haven't been the greatest friend lately."
"Stop it, you've been great. I've been distracted for sure."
Rita shook her head, thinking about the Lorenzo conquests as of late. He was leaving no stone unturned in the dating world. "Well, as long as you've been safely distracted, then it's fine." Chris shot her a shocked glance. Rita teasingly continued. "What, you don't think I've noticed? Come on, Chris. Your phone has been ringing off the hook, you're busy every night. You are doing quite a lot to forget about Jillian. The single, gorgeous women of Palm Beach are thrilled that Chris Lorenzo is back on the market."
If she didn't know any better, Chris appeared to be brooding over her commentary. Stabbing his eggs with his fork, he replied pointedly. "For the record, Sam, I haven't slept with anyone since Jillian."
Now it was Rita's turn to be shocked. "First of all, I didn't ask. And secondly, oh come on! You don't have to lie about it."
He laughed, lightening the mood. "Rita, I'm telling you the honest-to-God's truth. I'm going on these dates and they are just… meaningless. Nothing but vapid women that just want to hop in the sack. You'd think that's what I'd ultimately want, but I'm not attracted to them at all."
"Well, that actually makes a lot of sense. I mean, you dated a brilliant doctor for months. I would wager a guess that the cover model from Sand and Surf Magazine doesn't match up to Jillian's brain."
"Are you saying that athletes can't be smart?"
"No, I'm saying that athletes that bare their cookies on magazine covers probably just want one thing from you, and it's not your mind, Sam."
"Ha! Good point. I will say this, all of this dating has shown me what I don't want, that's for sure."
"Good. You know, you still could work things out with Jillian. I know you miss her."
Chris didn't say anything. He took one last sip of coffee and stood up. "Let's get out of here, Sammy."
Soft dirt marked the area where Ronnie's casket had been lowered into the ground. Chris took a swift look around before advancing to the gravesite; he didn't want to upset Ronnie's mother or anyone else in the family that may be lingering behind. There was no one in sight, except for a groundskeeper tending to some distant hedges. He and Rita made their way up the small hill, and Chris bent down to place his flowers on the fresh grave.
Rita bent down and put her arm around his shoulder. "It wasn't your fault, Sam."
Chris knew that now. It took a lot of soul searching, but once he found out about Ronnie's two prior DUIs at the young age of sixteen, he knew that Ronnie made a bad choice that day that cost him his life. It still didn't hurt any less. The lump formed hard in his throat, so he simply nodded and held onto Rita for support. He knew Rita would stay there all day if he wanted, but there was no need. He just needed to visit for the first and last time to pay his final respects.
As they stood up to leave, Rita grabbed his hand and led him down a path going in the opposite direction of the way they drove in. "Come here. I want to show you something." They walked past several gravestones when suddenly Rita stopped. Chris followed her gaze to the headstone at her feet. Thomas and Susan Lance. Rita's beloved foster parents.
"Oh, Rita, wow."
"I can't believe how close they are to Ronnie's burial plot."
"I can… it seems like our lives always intertwine like this, doesn't it?"
Rita gave a light laugh as she bent down to clear off some dirt and debris. "I should come here more often. Sometimes it's too painful to revisit the past."
"Well, you're here now. Let's stay for a bit." He pulled her over to a nearby bench. "You don't talk about them much. Sue died of cancer, right?"
"Yeah, it was very sudden. By the time they found it, it was too late. She died within a month. And Tom had a massive heart attack a few months later. Those two lived for each other; I could never imagine one living without the other."
Chris gazed at her as she spoke. "I hear that."
"They were so young when they died- in their fifties. I wish I had more time with them. I owe them everything. They were so patient and kind. I was no peach, that's for sure."
"You were young and angry, Sam. They understood."
"Yeah, I guess."
Chris kissed the hand he was still holding. "They're proud of you, Rita. You've done good. Look at you, a homicide detective, successful, grounded, and the best friend anyone could ask for. And, you've got a handsome partner." He flashed her his dazzling grin, hoping to make her laugh. It worked.
"Would you stop it? What am I going to do with you? Come on, let's get out of here. We have an entire day to ourselves, let's not spend it all here."
They got up and made their way to the car. Chris looked around the cemetery and stopped.
"Chris, what is it?"
"You know, Sam, it's beautiful here and all, but maybe it's good that you don't come here often. Tom and Sue live in your heart- you won't find them here."
"Maybe you're right."
Suddenly he felt emotional again. He turned her chin to face him. "Promise me something, Rita. If I go first, don't waste your time searching for me in a place like this. I'll always be with you, in your heart and soul."
"Chris, where on earth is this coming from? I don't want to think about this at all."
He laughed. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound morbid. Just promise me, okay."
"Okay, okay. I promise. You do the same when my time comes."
"Deal. Let's get out of here. I think we've visited enough ghosts of the past for today." Chris shook his head. Why did he start talking about this? He couldn't imagine a second of his life without Rita in it.
This was a part of the reason he needed distractions lately. Rita had always been his person. His best friend. The woman he put on a pedestal. He was beginning to have some serious regrets about the boundaries they had established long ago. He loved her in so many ways already, but falling in love with her caught him by surprise. It felt natural and right, but confusing and scary. And Rita would kill him if she even caught a glimpse of these new feelings he was having for her. Yet, the epiphany he was discovering was that these feelings weren't new at all, they had always been there beneath the surface of their bond as partners and best friends. While he was exploring the questions of his soul, he had to be the same old Chris, which was getting more and more difficult to do.
Rita settled next to Chris on the couch, handing him a glass of wine. The day off was just what they needed. After the cemetery, they accomplished a five-mile run on the beach, ordered some of their favorites from Wo Fat's, and were now settling into Double Indemnity. Rita turned Chris around so his back was to her and she tenderly assaulted his shoulders. After the week Chris had, he deserved some extra attention. She felt him tense up at her touch, which puzzled her.
"You okay, Sam?"
She heard him exhale softly. "I'm good; didn't realize how sore I still was from the accident."
He relaxed a little, and Rita continued her gentle massage. Something was going on with her partner. If she were honest with herself, something was going on with her too. They'd been scrapping at each other for weeks, and why was she so bothered by his love life lately? She had to admit, she felt a sense of relief when he told her he hadn't slept with anyone since Jillian. But why would that matter? This man had always been her safety net, her refuge. Lately, she felt like her feelings for him were intensified. The accident dredged up the memories of the shooting, and she hated feeling vulnerable and out of control. When she hugged him this morning, she didn't want to let go. The good news was that Rita felt connected to Chris again, something that had been absent for quite some time.
"You're quiet, Sam."
Rita smiled at the back of his head and leaned down to hug him from behind. "Sorry, I was in another world for a second there."
"Want to talk?"
"Chris, do you ever think about quitting the force?"
"Quitting?! Ah, no. You're not thinking of quitting, are you?"
"Between us, we have been shot five times. Your car accident this week, the countless other times we've escaped death… have you ever felt like the risk isn't worth the reward? That maybe our lives are more important than our careers?"
Chris turned back around, and Rita settled into her favorite spot by his side. "Sammy, I hear you. I do. I know we've had our share of risk, but we've also found justice for so many people. That's what keeps me going."
"I know. Don't misunderstand me, I'm incredibly proud of the work we do each day, and I honestly can't imagine doing anything else with my life. I guess I just want to make sure we are both still here to live it, you know?"
"Rita, look at me."
She looked up at his ocean blue eyes that gazed back at her intensely.
"This job was meant for you. I've never seen anyone so passionately search for justice. You're smart, rational, empathetic, and a tactical genius. Mark my words: within the year I'll be calling you Lieutenant Lance."
Rita's heart swelled and shattered at the same time. She knew that funding was going through for a Chief of Detectives position, and the whispers around headquarters were that Rita was the number one candidate. As exciting as that prospect sounded, it would mean dissolving their partnership. She reflected on the time Bob Johnson offered her a promotion in San Diego, the fact that she even gave it a few days' thought. Since then, so much had happened that both strengthened and tested their bond. How could she walk away? Instead of responding, she reached for her glass and carefully sipped her wine. She felt tears sting her eyes.
As usual, Chris read her mind. "Listen. I want nothing more than to be partnered with you from here to eternity. But you have worked too damn hard, and people are taking notice. You deserve it, Rita, and you should go for it when the opportunity presents itself. I'm not going to let you turn it down."
"What if I think our partnership means more to me than a new title?"
"I understand that. Believe me, I do. But being a lieutenant has its perks. Less fieldwork, more safety. I want that for you, especially with how you're feeling right now."
"And what about you? There's no way you're going out there without me. You know, you could go for the job too."
"I wouldn't dream of it. Not yet. You deserve it more. You were the youngest woman to get a gold shield, and now you'll be the youngest to make lieutenant. I'm proud of you, Sam."
She smiled at the sentiment, but then looked back at him wistfully. "Lately, I'm not feeling all that young. This job is aging me at lightning speed."
Chris nodded in agreement. "Listen, you're just in a funk. I am too. It happens, especially after weeks like this. How about we just take it one day at a time?"
Rita leaned into the muscular arm around her shoulder and kissed the hand that was slinked around her neck. She felt a lump in her throat and fought past it to whisper, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Sam."
Chris gripped her tightly in response. She sat back and pretended to concentrate on the movie, but all she could think about was how much she loved this man, and would for the rest of her life.
This was his favorite place in the universe, with Rita safely in his arms. He pretended to concentrate on the movie, but he was lost in the moment. Rita's concerns unnerved him more than he dared to admit; once again, he couldn't imagine the job or his life without her. He knew it would pass; Rita had these internal struggles often after difficult cases or close calls. He knew that once another homicide landed on their desks, she would jump into action and be just fine.
He held her as he had dozens of times over the past five years. It was a moment like this months ago that made him question his feelings for her. The day he gave her the guardian angel pin and she asked him to stay awhile. They sat entangled on the couch together for hours, watching old movies, reconnecting after their prospective breakups. Rita was quiet and in pain, both physically and emotionally, and he held onto her for dear life. He just wanted to make it all better. Now he was the one hurting, and Rita went above and beyond today to make his life better, to ease his pain. Tonight when she massaged his shoulders, her touch felt like electricity jolting his veins. When she kissed his hand he almost gave into temptation, desperately wanting to throw her down and kiss her senseless. Guilt washed over him; crossing the line would change their friendship and relationship forever. He could never take advantage of her or carelessly push her over the edge. His feelings were scrambled and his confusion palpable; he desperately hoped Rita didn't notice. None of this was fair to her. He was changing the playbook, and he was terrified of how she'd react to the Hail Mary of his heart and soul.
He squeezed her hand and held her close. He could tell she was falling asleep, her head leaning heavier on his shoulder. He gently nuzzled her hair and added a chaste kiss to the back of her head. For now, this was all that mattered.