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chapter ten.
The dungeons were probably the worst part of the castle that Emilia hated. The damp air left her shuddering under her raised skin as ripples washed over her, tugging her robes around her to keep herself warm. It was only late September and it would only get worse getting closer to Christmas so she hoped that Slughorn would light a damned fire lest they all end up dying of frost bite. Double Potions had come around again and the morning sun was having just as much trouble waking up as she had in the morning and she could still taste her toothpaste that she had used.
With having nothing else to do, Emilia had come to class slightly earlier as she always did for her other classes and some chairs were already filled with a few other students, Gryffindor and Slytherin alike that ignored the other, leaving the room in a state of silence that was as chilly as the air that filled the damp stone dungeon.
Potions was one of those classes Emilia managed to actually be good at and she had had the old professor at her heels about joining his elite student club – Slug Club, the name still made her face screw up at how much of an abomination it was. Her unpleasant personality had come to her rescue when Slughorn realised she had no interest in taking part and the invitations and side chats in the hallways had stopped by spring of last year.
Emilia slipped into her seat, keeping her robes wrapped tight around her has as she sat with her hands under her thighs, the cold touch of her own skin sending another shiver through her as she prayed that this class would go quickly. The seat beside her where Severus Snape normally resided was empty and across from her were her other two table mates Amanda Glass and Thomas Kinley who seemed to be the only ones engaging in conversing with one another regardless that one wore silver and green while the other donned gold and red. Emilia watched as Amanda's dark skin flushed a bright pink as she whispered with Thomas about something that led to him smothering a laugh and she wondered how long that had been going on.
With how red Thomas' face was going, Emilia hoped that the place would warm up a bit before she froze to death.
It was raining again outside, fiercer than it had ever been before and the whistling wind that forced itself through the cracks of the window panes were sharp and rushing over Emilia's exposed legs that only had a pair of thin tights as protection. Sitting down doing nothing makes the coldness worse and she couldn't wait for when Slughorn started getting into the practical side of class so she could spend her time doing something other than listening to his droning voice.
The door opened again and more students filed themselves in, a few unfortunate girls shivering with their arms around them at being greeted with the chill and Emilia surmised that the clock had ticked further towards the start of class. Emilia pulled her things from her bag, placing them on the table quickly before darting her hands back under her legs to fight against the cold, ignoring how numb her fingers were getting as she sat with her knees pressed together and ankles crossed.
Caught up in the chattering of her teeth, the sound of a book slamming down in the spot beside Emilia sent not only her, but the two other students at their shared table jumping out of their seats, Emilia turning to see Sirius slide into the spot, slumping up against the table. Disturbed dust moats filled their air and left a tickle in Emilia's throat as she gave a sniff to push away the need to sneeze all the while blinking at Sirius sitting down next to her.
"Fucking Hell, you'd think with all the magic he has that old Sluggy would throw on a bit of a fire," Sirius griped, rubbing his hands together for a fraction of warmth while using his breath to prevent the deadening of his fingers. Emilia had almost forgotten entirely that he was talking to her, looking back over her shoulder before she remembered. Being down in the dark, damp classroom had managed to numb her mind. From the corner of his previous seat, Emilia could spy his old tablemate, Marlene, casting him a look with a raised brow that Sirius didn't catch.
Sirius' breath came out in gentle clouds as he went to put his hands under his arms, looking none too pleased about being forced to sit in the dungeons, though hardly anyone in the classroom did. Emilia could still hear the lingering echoes of Remus' words from the previous day, their secret talk not yet pushed out from her mind, but instead burying itself in the front where it took root and making sure that she could not ignore it.
Like he had done in Transfiguration and had attempted in Charms, Sirius had no problem plopping himself down next Emilia in spite of if someone else was already designated that seat. Charms had proven to Emilia that regardless where Sirius sat, he was going to find a way to talk to her or annoy her during class and she was all but helpless to it since once Sirius put his mind to something, there was little else she could do to deter him.
She might not have minded him sitting next to her in Potions, nor did she really mind the prospect that he would possibly do the same later in Transfiguration, but the only problem arose due to the fact that he had taken someone else's seat. Emilia didn't care that it was Severus', it could have been anyone else, but Slughorn had made a seating plan and Sirius sitting beside her went against that entirely.
Slughorn was one of those Professors who would smile when giving you a detention or taking away points and she did not like the possibility of having either of those occurring.
"I swear if I have to suffer through one more Winter being this cold, my balls are going – "
"Why are you sitting there?" Emilia sighed, voice wavering slightly from the chattering of her teeth.
Sirius looked to her and gave an over exaggerated roll of his eyes and she was half tempted to Hex him and have them remain that way permanently as he leaned closer, an eyebrow raised as the distance between them closed, an elbow on the table with the back of his hand hiding his mouth so only Emilia could see the way his lips moved, voice dropping to a whisper. "This again? Emilia, I thought we were over this."
"No, not that," she told him, shaking her head. She wasn't exactly about to tell him she didn't really mind he was sitting there but her being a stickler for the rules meant that him deciding to seat himself there caused her nerves to flare up. "I meant that someone else already sits there."
A snort left Sirius and his demeanour changed, a sour expression flickering across his features and his nose scrunched up. She wondered if it was directed at her but then the look was gone again. "It's alright, I'm sure that wanker won't complain about it." Emilia was glad that Slughorn was late so his selective hearing wouldn't pick up on Sirius' insult.
"Slughorn has a seating plan. He's going to move you," she warned him, though even as the words left her mouth Emilia doubted that it would happen and it seemed that Sirius shared that same thought too.
"No he won't, he barely notices what goes on around him," he brushed her words off, a sharp gust of doubt leaving him. Even if Slughorn became aware of his surroundings, he only thought those who deserved his attention were those who were members of his precious club so Emilia knew that he would pay no heed to who was sitting next to her or not.
Her eyes narrowed at his calm face at his assurance that he wouldn't get in trouble and something akin to teasing slipped into Emilia's voice. "Then what if I tell him?"
Sirius' silver eyes which seemed to gleam down in the dark dungeons snapped to her and he looked incredulous at her words, gaze sharpening as he leaned forward to scrutinise her face to tell if she was telling the truth or not with her threat of ratting him out to Slughorn. She wouldn't, of course, but it was quite amusing for him to doubt her for a moment. There were smears of blue and purple under Sirius' eyes, bruises of exhaustion before he leaned back, satisfied with his reading. "Tattle tale, you wouldn't."
She gave a scoff in agreement, knowing her empty threat was just a jibe but she was still worried Slughorn might pick this day of all days to start paying attention to his students. "I wouldn't, but you can't just take someone else's seat."
Sirius gave a wave of his hand. "Don't worry about it, it'll be fine."
"What if you get into trouble?" Emilia asked, knowing that Sirius didn't need to worry about insignificant things like a teacher getting mad at him since their ire never lasted long.
"I've cleaned enough cauldrons to know that there's worse punishments," Sirius stated and, as if to show he was telling the truth, he stretched his arms out towards her, sleeves fallen to his elbows and showing his bare skin that had little blemishes stretching throughout, smearing the golden toned canvas. "See that one? Got that in Second Year after we pissed Peeves off and he chucked a suit of armour at me."
She stared at where he was gesturing to, showing off a curved scar that twinkled pink with speckles of white. How on earth did he manage to anger the poltergeist so much? Usually, Peeves was happy enough to play simple pranks that didn't endanger student lives. Emilia saw another that was peeking out from his sleeve, looking redder, angrier and pointed to it. "What about that one?"
Sirius peered down at what she was referring to and slipped the sleeve of his robes up further, something flashing in his eyes. "Oh, that's... from Remus' rabbit."
"His rabbit?" Emilia echoed, confused.
Sirius gave a nod, tucking his sleeve back down and there was something twinkling in his eyes. "Nasty little bugger. Don't let their cute and cuddly demeanour trick you."
"I've never had a pet," Emilia admitted, remembering how her aunt despised animals of all and any kind, especially dogs which was due to her allergies. Next door to their townhouse lived an older woman, Mrs. Halabi, who owned various breeds and whenever she used to babysit Emilia (which was a lot of the time), her aunt would be sneezing all the while yelling at Emilia to stuff her clothes in the laundry and to go for a shower.
But it was cats that Emilia really loved, used to spend her time chasing them around her estate and her uncle had once bought her a cat, though she realised it was done out of spite, purely to annoy her aunt and the cat was rehomed within the week.
"My mother hated them," Sirius griped, an steely tone settling into his voice. "Never was allowed a familiar coming into Hogwarts. Probably for the best. She might have skinned and ate it to spite me."
Sirius' words left Emilia wide eyed. "What?"
"Imagine, coming home to find, what's that Muggle movie? Laddie? Imagine coming home to find Laddie made into a rug."
"Lassie," Emilia corrected, wondering how he even knew the book, or the movie. Then she remembered he said he read a lot and done so to piss his mother off, though she was not inclined to ask. It wasn't her business anyhow.
He snapped his fingers together. "Right, Lassie, that was it."
"I would actually prefer not to imagine a poor rug made out from a dog."
Sirius gave a short, throaty chuckle in agreement. "We had one made out of a bear, it kept trying to eat me. I've the marks on my ankles to prove it."
He made a move to pull up the hem of his school pants as if he wanted to show Emilia but she quickly shook her head, her hands mimicking the action out in front of her. "No, it's alright, I believe you."
He gave shrug, dropping his leg. "Suit yourself. See, isn't this nice? Us not arguing, just talking, bonding, connecting - who would have thought?" Sirius commented, letting out a wistful sigh at his words.
Emilia shook her head. "Having to point it out makes it less of a bonding moment."
"Oh come on, you can admit that I'm a better tablemate!" Sirius insisted, crossing his arms across his chest and Emilia couldn't even deny it, that traitorous, shallow part of her admitting how he was much more handsome and pleasing to the eye, a lot easier to get along with, too.
"My old tablemate was just fine, thank you," she said it and could see the way Sirius' face twisted up, contorting as if her words caused him physical pain.
Her words fell from her tongue the exact moment the very same person she was referring to entered through the door, a dark shadow with his greasy hair hanging around him like a curtain, either to block out the world or to keep himself hidden, Emilia wasn't sure. Sirius' body became rigid, his arms around his chest became taut and she could see him fisting his robe in his hands as his jaw clenched.
She wondered if Sirius really hated Slytherins that much, even with his own brother wearing the same green and silver, as his eyes sharpened into pinpricks, little pick axes as if he hoped to chip away at Severus until he was nothing.
The other Slytherin boy halted a bit away from the table, finally looking up to see that his seat was taken and his nostrils flared, crooked teeth gritting at the sight of Sirius in his spot and the moment was tense as Emilia's eyes bounced back and forth between the two, switching from a sympathetic look she reserved for the Slytherin and an admonishing one for Sirius.
Finally, Sirius sat himself straight up in his chair and one of his hands came to slam down on the top of the table, the action making Emilia jump as she saw something far beyond hatred slip into Sirius' normally carefree, handsome features. It left her looking at him in alarm at the sudden change that had occurred in him; it marred him, making him look different, colder, meaner.
His voice was bitter, venom dripping from his words that sharpened them into knifes to stick into Severus, as if he wanted nothing more than to leave the other Slytherin bleeding on the ground. "Oi, fuck off Snivellus. Go sit with your greasy little snakes."
Emilia could hardly believe what had come out of Sirius' mouth, a choking sound in her throat as she felt unable to speak up, eyes darting to Severus to see him glowering at Sirius and even Emilia was left pale at how much poison Sirius had directed at the other boy. Emilia had never spoken a word to Severus in her entire life even despite the two being forced to sit next to each other and she knew his affinity for hanging out with people who would whisper mudblood at her, but he had never actually done anything wrong to her. Yet.
Emilia waited with bated breath as the two stared down at one another, fearing a confrontation might happen or that a fight would break out but then Severus turned on his heel, the skin over his knuckles turning a ghastly yellow colour as he made his way to an unfilled table that had two other Slytherins and one Gryffindor, a bespectacled girl whose olive skin was turning grey at being stuck at a table with three Slytherins.
These days, it was safer to assume more often than not that whoever wore green and silver would end up spouting pure blood ideology and spit at you for having a drop of Muggle blood in your system.
Sirius seemed to relax once Severus walked away from them and Emilia couldn't believe he had actually talk to someone like that, eyes wide as he continued to glare daggers in the back of her previous table mate.
Her breath was wispy, coming out in a rush of air that barely sounded like words. "Sirius, you can't just talk to people like that."
"Oh, I bet you'd change your tune if you heard him call you a certain word," he snorted and there was that antipathy in his tone again, though this time Emilia knew it was not directed at her. His fist on the table tightened, shaking almost and she could imagine the skin of his palm splitting open under the pressure. Whatever it was that was between the two was clearly rotten, running deep and infecting them both. "I can't believe Slughorn actually let you sit next to someone like that, he must be a fucking nutter."
Emilia already knew what kind of person she sat next to, she didn't need for him tell her that. "I don't care. That was mean, you shouldn't be like that to people."
"I'm not mean to people, just greasy little snakes," he managed to choke out, the tension in his body dissipating slowly as he turned back to face Emilia, that hatred in his face leaking away and his words garnered a sharp glare from the only other, now outnumbered Slytherin at the table, her excited whispering with Thomas pausing to shoot Sirius an irritated glower that he returned with a forced smile. "No offence."
Amanda turned away with a huff and Emilia shook her head, and her hand rose of its own accord and hesitantly rested on his arm, his head turning towards her and seeing something not unlike disappointment in her eyes.
It didn't take a lot of effort to remember that other kids, especially in her old school, used to talk about her like that, and most of them would have no problem saying it to her face as well, if only to relish in the sight of her eyes welling up with tears and spilling fast down her cheeks.
Emilia didn't like seeing that reflected in Sirius.
"You shouldn't talk about people that way. You could hurt their feelings."
Sirius pondered over her words for a moment, and Emilia felt a warmth flourishing in her cheeks as she dropped her hand from Sirius' arm, snapping it back into place where she had been sitting on it to keep it warm but it didn't seem so affected by the cold anymore. Maybe she was just getting used to the temperature of the classroom.
Finally, a groan of defeat left Sirius as he eventually settled back into his seat and wiped the bitter look off of his face, throwing his hands up to signify that Emilia had won this round. "Alright, alright, I apologise. I promise I'll only bully someone if they really deserve it, like that bellend calling himself the Dark Lord."
He whispered the last part so as to not garner any attention about mentioning such a thing, and she gave a nod, not really believing that not only was he relenting to her request, but he was also promising to her not to do it again. The door opened again and a collective shiver ran through the other students in the class as well as Emilia, pulling herself closer together to keep herself warm as she gave him a grateful turn of her lips. "Thank you."
Sirius eyed Emilia from the side, gaze raking her up and down in a way that sent another ripple washing over her raised skin, though this time for a completely different reason. "Honestly, how are you not freezing to death right now?"
She looked at him as if he grew a second head. "Sirius, I'm wearing a skirt and tights. Of course I'm freezing, I'm just not complaining like you."
"Oh, I had no idea you were suffering so much so," he said, voice taking on even more of a posh accent than his own as he angled his torso towards her and opened up his robes. "Perhaps the damsel in distress would allow me to save her from frostbite?"
As if he expected her to fling herself at him, even if it was to stop her from losing all of her toes and fingers. "No."
"Here I am, trying to amend my ways to become polite and you still reject me," Sirius tutted, shaking his head and looking dejected as he dropped his arms on the table, folding them.
"I don't want your bloody robes. I'm fine," Emilia told him as she tried to stop herself from sniffling. She had taken a shower the previous night and was half sure her hair still hadn't dried completely and now she was going to be forced to deal with a cold for the remainder of the week. Just her luck.
"You say that, but what if you catch a cold and then die of a chill?" he asked as if it was a genuine concern of his, taking in how she seemed paler than she usually was.
A snort left Emilia. If only that would happen. "At least I'll be away from you."
Sirius looked at her with disappointment, fussing over her as he took an elbow off the table to jab it lightly into her side, making Emilia jerk. "And you're on my back about me being mean. I think I might die of a broken heart and then we'll have to spend an eternity together. Maybe then that'll get you to like me."
"Believe me," she murmured but the echo in the room allowed for him to hear it. "Not even an infinite amount of time is enough for that to happen."
"So you're saying time beyond an infinite amount is enough?" he said, a sneaky sneer carving its way across Sirius' mouth and angled himself in front of Emilia that she couldn't use looking at her notes as an excuse to not meet his eyes and he was gazing up at her with that look again – that gleam in his eyes, that teasing shift that wasn't supposed to be mocking her, just poking fun. She had begun learning the difference between the two since she had no choice but to pick these things up since he refused to leave her alone.
She was about to respond with telling him that it absolutely would not be enough time when the door opened and in walked Slughorn, looking a little red in the cheeks as if he had forgotten about the class to begin with and had powerwalked his way down to the dungeons. His moustache looked a little frazzled and one of the buttons on his suit had popped out from its slot ear the neck and Emilia was sure that was a tea stain on his collar.
He gave a rush of apologies for being late and gave a wave of his wand and darkness of the dungeon slunk away back into the corners and some degree of warmth was returning to Emilia's bones, but only making the place just about bearable.
Emilia turned to Sirius, leaning in and gazing up at him through her lashes, a pleading expression on her face as she spoke. "Please try not to get me in trouble. I actually want to make sure I pass Potions."
She swivelled back in her seat as Slughorn as he begun diving into talking, his ramblings picking up as he resumed his usual pacing around the room with one hand in his pocket. Sirius sat silent beside her, an indication to Emilia that she was finally breaking through to him as she picked up her quill to jot down Slughorn's lecture.
She even took a peek to see Sirius was doing the same and Emilia realised it was the first time she had actually seen him pay attention in class and put in the effort into his work.
For the most part, Sirius didn't try to talk to her much to Emilia's relief as she scribbled down anything and everything Slughorn was saying, an ache forming in her hand from how fast she was writing and how tight her grip was. The sun crawled higher into the sky as more time passed, signifying that Emilia was getting closer and closer to the end of Potions; she didn't hate the subject, but she certainly did not care for it and the dungeons where it took place and could not wait for lunch.
She didn't have anything until Transfiguration, so she would have plenty of time to sit around and wait for that class to come around which meant many hours of more studying, more homework and more cramps in her hand.
Maybe Sirius was right – maybe she did need to start just learning to relax.
Emilia had paused in her writing, mind drifting outside of these stone walls and when she reeled herself back in, something was fidgeting about on her sleeve, a niggling movement she might have feared was a spider or some other of Slughorn's squirming insects that got free from a jar until she glanced down to see Sirius pulling at a loose thread in her sleeve.
It seemed he had given up trying to take on the role of a good student and was fiddling with the sleeve of her robes, picking at it as his other arm lay under his head, cushioning it from the coldness of the table and she stared at him as pulled free a dark strand of her robes, unravelling it as it slipped free and easily.
Apparently, her own robes were more interesting than what Slughorn had to say and Emilia couldn't even fault Sirius for giving up before the half mark in their double, back to back class.
Emilia thought about snapping at him, at ripping her arm from him but stayed her actions, taking in his bored, half lidded eyes as a thin curl fell over his brow, a gentle tendril that tickled his forehead but he didn't seem to mind it. Either Sirius had not realised Emilia had noticed him playing with her left sleeve, or did not care that he had been caught as she had yet to chastise him for it.
It didn't necessarily bother her, it wasn't her writing hand and she supposed it could be worse – he could be trying to talk to her and distracting her in the process.
So, instead, Emilia let out a quiet breath of air, keeping her arm where it was on top of the table and decided that she would let him continue since he wasn't actually annoying her and hadn't got her in trouble so far. It was baby steps, but it was getting her somewhere.
Maybe she could bring him in a picture puzzle him to try and put together during class to keep his mind occupied.
Emilia half feared she would be left with nothing to cover her arm by the time Slughorn called an end to class, everyone jumping to their feet and quickly grabbing a hold of their things to rush out the door, with Emilia being no except to this. She could only just hear Slughorn over the commotion talk about their next essay being due by the end of the month and she made a mental note as she bundled her things into her bag and made a beeline for the door, Sirius hot on her tail as they pushed through the line to get out.
"Bloody Hell, I think Slughorn is trying to kill us," Sirius stated as they climbed the steps, an ache in Emilia's legs from how long she had been sitting for and the barely tepid temperature of the room nestling into her bones, a marrow deep ache forming. "I could see icicles forming beneath his nose."
Emilia couldn't refute that, hands crossed over her chest and under her arms as feeling began to flood through her body once the higher up they went up the steps and the further away they walked from the dungeons. "I wouldn't be surprised if he just froze to where he stood."
"Merlin's beard, I wish – that relentless pacing he does is so annoying," Sirius commented and Emilia gave a nod in agreement as the professor's walking about nearly making her dizzy. It wasn't a wonder he hadn't wasted away to nothing from how many times he could walk the length and breadth of the classroom. She pulled herself up the last few steps to distance herself away from the dungeons and the warmth of the castle floor greeted the two of them, Sirius taking a deep breath and spreading his arms. "Ah, fresh air and sunlight. I feel as if I won't shrivel up and die from a cold."
The crowd filtered out and Sirius paused by an open window ledge that looked onto the inner courtyard, resting against it and taking in the pale light that broke through the clouds, a few rays scattered about with one catching on the back of his head. Emilia paused, unsure of whether she should stay or leave to go to the library, her bag sitting unevenly on her shoulder as Sirius leaned back, eyes closed with his long dark lashes brushing against the top of his cheeks.
She felt awkward, wishing she were better at talking or had any sort of conversation skills but for all her wanting, she could not scrounge up a single thought that she could speak to Sirius and instead was left feeling inept as she couldn't help but watch him as he basked in the brief reprieve from the rain.
Sirius' hair was tucked behind each ear, the crowning curls long and weighed down to ghost a few centimetres above his shoulders and the ink black strands took on an almost purple hue in the feeble, dim light; the angle his head bent back at gave Emilia a view of the sharp curve of his jaw, the way the tanned skin disappeared under the askew collar of his shirt, the misshapen red and gold tie that hung loose around the base of his throat. His nose was long and there was a small bump on the bridge that stopped it from being completely straight and perfect, perhaps a remainder of it being previously broken that never truly got fixed; she knew he got into fights, all boys did, and his losses were currently tallied up at zero.
Emilia couldn't deny anymore at how she envied how carefree Sirius always seemed to be, at how he was able to enjoy the moment instead of worrying about the next and the next and the next. He didn't have to fret over unimportant things – he had friends, he had good grades, he was popular, good at sports, everyone loved him and he was far too handsome for his own good, too.
It intimidated her, making her feel all too aware that she just… wasn't any of that.
All the more reason it confused her why he wanted to be around her since they were so different.
She normally wasn't so self hating and deprecating or all too aware of her flaws, but he made it impossible to ignore. But it wasn't his fault she lacked in every way possible, in fact he never made a point to even make a comment on the fact she was shit at talking to other people or couldn't meet their eyes sometimes or of her terrible habit of strangling her hands with one another when she got too nervous and needed to keep herself distracted.
No, despite how it had all happened in the beginning, Sirius had actually… he had actually been nice to Emilia in spite of her disagreeable personality and refusal to engage with him in talk or in company. Remus' words of how Sirius' heart was in the right place (even if his mind wasn't always) bounced around in the pockets of her skull, carving their place into the bone and making it impossible for Emilia to shut them out.
It wasn't a case of maybe she had been wrong, no - Emilia wondered if she was wrong entirely to begin with and the claw of guilt reached up and clutched her heart, squeezing it until it felt it might turn to ash in her chest.
Emilia looked away from Sirius' handsome face down to her shoes as they were left to themselves, the crowds trickling out and leaving them with barely a soul in sight as others rushed back and forth so as to not be marked down as late or absent in their class. She felt silly, hanging around Sirius, practically clinging to him, and she flickered her gaze up at him to see that he was still unaware of the world around him, eyes closed and the light caught on his face, illuminating it.
Once again, Emilia couldn't help but think that he really was too handsome for his own good.
She took advantage of Sirius not paying her any heed and slung the strap of her bag up further on her shoulder, faltering for a moment before she turned on her foot and began making her way in the direction of the library, thinking she was quiet enough with stepping away but Sirius' own quickly followed suit. He had the hearing like an animal, it startled her sometimes.
He didn't seem perturbed that she had left without saying goodbye, as if used to it as he walked beside her and Emilia could feel the ghost of his hand brushing against the back of hers before she put her hand in her pockets. "You don't have anything now, right?"
She wasn't surprised by his question. "And?"
"Well, what do you want to do? We've nothing on until Transfiguration," Sirius asked her and once more, she didn't understand how it was he wasn't turned off by her previous, multiple rejections. He just never seemed to give up.
She also wondered how it was he knew her timetable so well and if he had stalked her without her knowing but quickly pushed that thought away. Sirius Black had better things to do than know her class times and she didn't think he would be so creepy as to follow her around to know where she was going at all times.
"I'm going to – "
"Please don't say the word that begins with s and ends with tudy," he groaned and a frown settled on her mouth.
"So?"
"Come on, we can do anything!" he stated, taking a few steps ahead of Emilia and gesturing to the empty space around them. "I could even take you on a little trip around the castle to places I'm sure you've never been before."
Emilia thought about his offer, wondering what he meant since she was sure that she had been to every classroom and every other spot in the castle save for the other Common Rooms. How could he possibly know more? She didn't doubt he and his friends would sneak out at night and she was incredulous over the idea that seeing another dark, thickly cobwebbed corner of the castle was any more enticing than the last one.
"I'm okay, the library is warm."
She almost told him 'and quiet' but bit her tongue before the words could fall. Sirius' face morphed into a sulky expression as he threw his arms down beside him and Emilia couldn't quite believe that this was the same boy that had barked and spat at Severus Snape just two hours ago with an expression on his face that had nearly frightened Emilia.
"Ugh, no one else that I actually like hanging around with is free!" he griped, dragging his feet as he walked with Emilia and she stared at him and that crushing hand around her heart squeezed.
By all means, Emilia knew that she was being hypocritical by even thinking of asking him to come with her to the library after she had turned down Sirius' previous invitations to hang out or to come watch him play Quidditch (though in her defence she really did not like the sport and still had nightmares about the last game she went to).
Not to mention the fact she was even thinking about posing the question to him went against what she had initially planned in the beginning – what had happened to her giving him the cold shoulder? To not talk unless spitting short remarks back at him? Now, here she was, wanting to ask him if he wanted to sit with her for a few hours in the library.
A rock was lodged in the bottom of Emilia's throat as she tried to cough up her voice but it would not appear, hands choking the strap of her shoulder bag as her lips pressed together in trepidation. From the corner of her eyes, he looked almost upset that he would have to spend time by himself and she gave another cough, rattling her chest and disturbing her voice to catch onto it, turning away from Sirius to look anywhere but him.
God, what was she so nervous for?
"You know…" Emilia began and Sirius didn't immediately hear her as she faltered, a shake in her words before she steadied herself, raising her tone slightly to make him turn towards her in realisation she was talking. Why was her face burning so much? Could he see how red she was turning? He had to, she was as crimson as the lipstick her aunt loved to wear. "You could… you could come with me? If you wanted."
The last words were tacked on hastily and even from her peripheral vision she could see him looking at her in confusion. "To the library? And, what, have Pince glare holes into my back in hopes that I explode into a million tiny pieces?"
If she thought her face was hot before, Emilia was afraid her hair and uniform might catch on fire now. Of course, who would want to hang out in a library of all places? Where you had to be quiet and do work lest you might be seen as a dosser and be kicked out? Not to mention the fact that he was completely in his right to say no, after all she had turned him down multiple times before and, shit, Emilia felt stupid and silly and she couldn't even look at him in case he might laugh at how she had taken on a scarlet shade.
Even Emilia wanted to laugh at herself for asking and she swallowed that lump in her throat that was choking her again, squeezing shut her airways as she hoped she might pass away from how ridiculous she felt.
"Right. Yeah. Sorry. Forget it," Emilia said, trying to have her eyes on anything else but him, turning down to her shoes as a nervous laugh left her. She knew that it was obvious she had no experience in this asking people to 'hang out' and the thought of it being so transparent made her want to crawl into the deepest hole in Britain and die in it. "I thought… you could get a chance to do any homework or whatever done."
Emilia felt absolutely mortified at how her voice shook, words wilting into ash in her mouth as she continued to stare down at her shoes and wishing the earth would open up beneath her and swallow her whole to save her from this moment.
Lord knows it was a wonder Sirius wasn't already laughing at her right then as her nails dug into her palm, the strap of her bag leaving impressions over the surface that felt sharp and uncomfortable as the silence she would usually enjoy became palpable around them.
A hum left Sirius as if he was deliberating on her offer and she could see him fiddling with his hands in thought but still unable to meet his eyes. Her loose hair kept the heat exuding from her ears trapped and making it unbearable as Sirius indulged in one of those rare, few moments of where he had nothing to say. What was she even doing staying around? If he said no, then he said no, there was nothing else she could do about it and she just needed to go and get her shit done and hope that she would push this embarrassing moment to the back of her mind by drowning herself in studying.
But Sirius' silence promptly broke as he finally decided to give her an answer, offer up what he had been thinking about. "You know, that actually does sound like a smart idea. I shouldn't be surprised since it came from you."
Emilia's head snapped up, eyes wide and unsure if she had heard him correctly, half tempted to clean her ear out with a cloth as she stopped in her stride, Sirius taking a few steps ahead of her before turning back to see she had stopped. "You're… you're coming with me?"
"Of course," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "It's not like I have anything better do and I quite enjoy your company so hopefully you'll change your mind about mine."
"Oh!" She exclaimed, the consuming fire wilting her insides to ash as it burned in her cheeks at hearing his last words, all the while all of her previous, bubbling nerves calmed down and she felt that tight wire that had been making her muscles tense finally snap, body relaxing as she closed the distance between them, short legs picking up the pace of a jog before she stopped at his side. "Okay. Should we go now?"
"Fine by me," Sirius agreed as they resumed their walk and his hand brushed against the back of hers once more, only this time Emilia wasn't as quick to tuck it away in her pocket. "I wonder if Pince will throw another History of Hogwarts book at me."
The mental image of it, of Sirius sitting looking none too innocent in the library as the librarian hurled the heavy book at the back of his head without his notice, was enough to make the beginnings of an unwarranted giggle that morphed into a gentle laughter escape her mouth that she couldn't control and both unknowingly realised it was the first time that Sirius had actually managed to make her laugh - a true one, not something that was forced or bitter but something borne from the hilarity of his words.
Caught up in the midst of her mirth, Emilia missed the way the smile on Sirius' face shone, growing wider as he finally managed to succeed in his own, biggest goal.
side note: i'm not really trying to focus on world building in this fic because im terrible at it since j*anne's worldbuilding is very... confusing. so this story literally is going to be character driven and dont even ask me about any of the world building in harry potter, idk ANYTHING so creative liberty will be greatly taken advantage of in this story.
song of choice while writing: cleopatra by the lumineers
Thanks for reading!