Rookwood's Second Gift, Rodolphus Meets the Rubix Cube and Voldemort Gets a Variety of Noses
When the inhabitants and guests of Malfoy Manor awoke the next morning, it was perhaps a miracle that none of the windows in the upstairs bedrooms exploded outwards due to uncontrolled magical outbursts on the account of indignant fury. During the night, the Greyback pack had executed what they had dubbed Operation Lighten Up the Wizards: they had snuck into the rooms of Reed, Yaxley, Mulciber, Avery Senior, Amycus and Alecto Carrow, Draco, Daphne, Jugson, Travers, Avery Junior and Macnair and had somehow managed to give them hair make overs during the night without waking their targets. They even had managed to evade all the Alarm Charms that Jugson, Travers, and Avery Junior had put on their beds.
How? Sheer dumb luck. One stumble and they would have set off the alarms.
Well, apart from Reed, Macnair, Mulciber and Avery Senior, the people who had a new style and discovered it in their reflections all screamed at impressively high octaves, almost at the exact same time, which everyone in the Manor found rather impressive. There were a lot of tired elves going around rooms cleaning up mirror glass shrapnel that morning as everyone went to breakfast. Reed, Macnair, Mulciber and Avery Senior were also the only ones to go down to the breakfast table without a hat or something to cover their heads, sit down, pour a morning coffee and read the newspaper or one of Rabastan's Muggle books like nothing had happened.
Except of course, everyone else could not contain their amusement. Several times the Death Eaters and the children almost had smoothie coming out of their noses because they were laughing so hard at Reed, Macnair, Mulciber and Avery Senior's appearance. Voldemort almost choked on his waffles; once he was breathing again, Thalia started hissing with laughter.
*Nagini, we have found the one thing a Horcrux cannot guard you against: the sheer awesome power of waffles!*
I need to stop feeding my snakes ammunition, the Dark Lord grumbled to himself, smacking his head against the table.
As for everyone else, Yaxley looked like he had been crying and was wearing an ugly sunshine yellow cap on his head with all of his long locks stuffed under it. The Carrow twins were wearing S.P.E.W. knit wear, Draco was wearing his Slytherin house winter cap while looking ready to strangle someone, Daphne looked set to throw stilettos at anyone who remotely asked why she was wearing one of Narcissa's ugly bonnets on her head while Jugson, Travers and Avery Junior had attempted to Glamour what had been done to them. Needless to say, the Greyback pack was in big trouble, which was why all of them had made themselves scarce outside while being berated by a furious Fenrir, who still had not managed to get his hair back to normal.
Indeed, the only ones who were not affected by the werewolves' prank, were Bellatrix, who was too busy conspiring with Mr. Mupples to kidnap the Potter Brat and make him dance in dresses that were slowly going to strangle him to death; Rabastan, because he still had his head in one of his self-help books (as Snape explained what they were); and Rookwood, who was too busy with his copy of Nimbus to care about what was going on around him. The only thing that did make the two of them look up was the fact that Dolohov thought it would be a prudent idea to try and steal their smoothies from them.
The Russian Death Eater promptly got stabbed in the hand with butter knives for that attempt. In Bellatrix's case, her dagger, which Dolohov was not so happy with as he had to move quickly to save his beloved fingers.
"I fucking hate kids," Amycus Carrow grumbled as he executed a slice of apple in his fruit salad.
"Oh don't worry, Amy, they'll be gone soon," Rowle sneered brightly.
Amycus scowled at him. "Not those fucking mongrel kids; we all know they did this. I meant the damn Potter Brat. And how many times do I have to say it? Don't call me Amy, you out-of-date, flat faced skunk!"
"And how many times do we need to say that you giving a reaction is just making the joke funnier?" Macnair quipped.
"Oh is that why you are content to look like a complete idiot?" Amycus snarled.
"I don't see why you're getting upset. You always look like an idiot. I only rarely look like one," Dolohov cackled. "Why don't you just take off the hat and let us all have a look? I mean, I am willing to bet it is a vast improvement-"
Dolohov had to duck behind his empty breakfast plate and then under the table as Amycus started to send jinxes at him.
One would have thought that this in itself could be constituted as amusing, but apparently Thalia saw fit to try and put some more levity into the situation.
*Hey Nagini, I think Amycus is not going to win this fight.*
*Oh? And why not, Thalia? Antonin's defences are rather poor.*
*No they're not! He has plate to protect him. Hahahahahaha!*
Voldemort wished he had a pillow to scream in at this point instead of a book, but since he was not going to suffer the ignominy of doing that in public, he had to content himself with screaming in his own head. This only got worse when a snarky, sarcastic, teenaged voice rang in his head. Morning, Voldie! Did you catch your reflection in the mirror again? I told you not to do that!
I HATE YOU-
And there went the Link again.
After breakfast, Draco and Theo had managed to get Rabastan's head out of the books with the offer of a movie marathon, joined by their friends and Rodolphus, who was extremely reluctant to participate but had been threatened with Looking After Mr. Mupples duty by Bellatrix while she led the final raid for the summer.
Apparently Mr. Mupples was not ready for a raid yet; Rookwood ended up volunteering to watch the ugly monster plushie to avoid Bella starting to threaten people with her dagger or putting their hands into Rabastan's blender.
Nagini and Thalia also joined in the movie marathon because they "were not interested in watching Tom doodle funny bunnies and squiggles while he dozed off in his meeting". The two snakes didn't even give the Dark Lord time to protest that it was not him doing all those doodles but the Potter Brat.
*Oh yes, the Potter Brat, the Potter Brat, it's always the Potter hatchling,* Nagini sniffed. *Not everything can be blamed on the Potter hatchling. Nagini always knew you had issues from the moment we met!*
*Look inside your own soul, Tom – oh whoops, you can't! It's all kaput,* Thalia added. *Not even Rabastan's books will help you solve this problem.*
Voldemort spluttered at that. *You want to bet on that, girls?*
*You will lose harder than Macnair lost in Street Fighter II,* Thalia responded confidently.
*No I won't!*
*You never want help from anyone. You will lose,* Nagini agreed.
The most powerful Dark Lord since Gellert Grindelwald clenched his jaws like a petulant seven-year-old. *We shall see about that!*
*If Nagini and Thalia win, you expand our habitats,* Thalia stated. *And you will laugh at all my jokes.*
*And if I win, you will not tell jokes for a single week and you will take your baths in my tub again,* Voldemort shot back.
*He's so needy,* Thalia huffed.
*Nagini knows; it is a bit weird,* Nagini agreed.
*I JUST WANT COMPANY!*
*That sounds wrong.*
*THALIA!*
The snakes had gotten their way, though; they got to attend the movie marathon. Mainly so that Voldemort could nurse his crippling headache.
As for the new Gatewatch members, Reed joined Dolohov, Snape, Yaxley, both Averys and Macnair outside. Roden, Beynon and Holland did not show up for their usual spot on the wall for fear that Yaxley might curse them. To be fair, that was probably very likely to happen considering the kind of mood he was in.
"Greyback needs to rediscipline that pack of his," Yaxley thundered sulkily. "Stick their noses in their own shit and be done with it."
Reed growled at that. "Careful, wizard, before you end up with your nose in peacock shit."
"Your wolves are uncouth, ill-mannered little braggards!" Yaxley did not take the hint.
"My wolves are young and like to have fun, something foreign to you I know!" Reed shot back.
"Corban, why are you always such a stick-in-the-mud?" Macnair sneered.
Yaxley spluttered. "How dare you? Just because I am not content to look like a fool-"
"In our experience, you do not need help looking like a fool," Snape drawled, causing the others to snicker.
Yaxley's blood began to boil. "A little rich coming from the man whose hair is apparently so badly kept that the Potter Brat sends baby shampoo to try and deal with it for him!"
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Corban, what did we say about you getting worked up and your rashes?"
"I DO NOT GET RASHES!"
"You are getting one right now," Avery Senior commented dryly.
"NO I AM NOT!"
"We know, we know, it's in a very awkward place," Dolohov smirked.
Yaxley glowered at him. "I hate you."
"You hate most things in life," Macnair shot back. "Going to the hairdresser, smiling, wearing a colour other than black now and again – even I manage that – fun, women who smile too much, men who smile too much, vegetables-"
"I do not hate vegetables!"
"Is that why you're so lazy?" Reed dared to quip. He smiled happily when the other Death Eaters chuckled.
Steam was coming out of Yaxley's ears.
"Do you think we can ask our Lord to send a suggestion to Potter for Yaxley's present?" Dolohov asked eagerly.
"Yeah, you can be the one to risk a Boglin and a Cruciatus for that, Antonin!" Avery Junior snorted. "I will not do it."
"Nor I," Snape agreed.
"I like living and having a Boglin-free room," Reed added.
"What suggestion did you have in mind?" Macnair asked eagerly.
Dolohov lit up. "Well we can start with new room decorations, a set of new clothes with some actual colour, maybe some more of those fun club shirts that Potter sent that one time? Or a parrot?"
Macnair spluttered. "A parrot?! Why a parrot?"
"Because it is semi-intelligent so it will cover up some of Corban's deficiencies once he starts courting again – OWW!" Dolohov rubbed the back of his head with a pout.
"Yaxley could end up with an Iago, so that could be fun," Reed grinned.
"A what?" Avery Senior frowned.
"Iago," Reed clarified. "He's the parrot that belonged to the evil Vizier Jafar in Aladdin. The comic relief character, along with the flying carpet, Abu and the Genie. Iago and the Genie were my favourite characters."
"Abu?" Avery Junior pulled a weird face.
"Aladdin's really intelligent but sometimes dumb monkey side-kick," Reed clarified with a grin.
"A monkey?" Yaxley snorted derisively. "How utterly absurd!"
"Better to have the monkey, than you," Dolohov shot at him.
Yaxley spluttered.
"Abu was good with tricks and thievery," Reed informed.
"Ah, so definitely more useful than Corban," Snape stated.
"I really hate all of you."
"We know!"
It was at this point, Reed's ears pricked up and he lit up. As soon as the Death Eaters saw the werewolf's countenance change, they either prepared themselves for the chaos that was about to ensure, started to bounce up and down on the balls of their feet in anticipation or wished that the ground would swallow them whole.
"Colours," Snape drawled.
"Red!" Reed was quick on the mark.
"White!" Macnair and Dolohov chorused at the same time, causing the two of them to begin a glaring contest that Snape put a quick stop to by assigning the colour to Macnair and brown to Dolohov.
Dolohov was less than happy, looking extremely pouty.
"Such a child," Yaxley felt the need to comment.
"Grumpy old man," Avery Senior quipped back in an instant.
Yaxley was set to protest but no one was paying him any attention anymore as the vans drew up outside of the house with Reed doing a drum roll on his upper legs. Unfortunately the Let-Down-Music should have played at this point because there were two white vans and one brown one. Reed actually made a puppy whine at this, pouting; Macnair and Dolohov were jubilant.
"Hello there!" Avery Senior called out to the Muggles as they stepped out from their vans.
"Hello, sir!" all three chorused.
"For whom are the packages you have in the back of your … vans?" Avery Senior asked eagerly.
"I have a delivery for a Mr. Augustus Rookwood!" one of the white Amazon van Muggles answered.
"I have one for a Mr. Rudolph – no – Rodolphus – am I saying that right? – Lestrange?" the other Amazon Muggle added, peering at the box with squinted eyes.
The Death Eaters all gaped.
"Oh no," Avery Junior groaned.
"It's finally Dolph's turn!" Dolohov stated gleefully, clapping his hands together and rubbing them in anticipation.
"I hope it is another Pet Monster," Macnair added evilly. "The thing will be skinned alive! Wait … it's a plushie. Just skinned then."
"Don't be daft. The Brat has probably sent him some kind of unholy concoction or lotion or ridiculous outfit," Snape countered.
Avery Senior raised his voice. "It's Rodolphus, and yes he is a guest here! Who else?"
The UPS Muggle spoke up. "Mr. D. L. Red-Eyes!"
"Oh, fuck me, not again!" Reed groaned as Dolohov and Macnair looked as though Yule was coming early.
"That boy has to be dead by the end of the evening," Yaxley shook his head.
"We still haven't found him!" Avery Junior pointed out. "How are we supposed to kill him if we don't know where he's been hidden."
"At this point I think we should check the Isle of Man," Macnair commented.
"Ring the bell!" Avery Senior spoke the now famous words.
BBBBBBBRRRRRIIIINNNGGGGGGGGGG!
"ISN'T SOMEONE WATCHING THAT STUPID BOY?!"
"Apparently not well enough, dear."
"CAN WE NOT GET A REPRIEVE FOR ONE DAY?!"
"Harry Potter does not know the meaning of the word 'reprieve'," Blaise commented as Rabastan put their movie marathon on halt. The snakes were hissing with laughter at this.
Lucius began to make some very weird fake crying noises as Voldemort, the Inner Circle and the Greyback pack came into the room. He composed himself after a sharp jab in the ribs from Narcissa.
The silver orb floated in front of Lord and Lady Malfoy.
"Hello?" the Muggles spoke up tentatively.
"For whom is the nonsense you are bringing this time?" Lucius demanded, causing many in the room to pinch the bridge of their noses.
The Muggles gulped.
"Sorry to disturb you, sir, but I have a delivery for Mr. Augustus Rookwood," one of the Muggles from one of the white vans answered. The former Unspeakable looked up from Top Gear and grinned like the cat who caught the canary.
"I have one for Mr. Rod-dol-phus Lestrange," the other Amazon Muggle added, enunciating the name very carefully.
Rodolphus paled while everyone began laughing in anticipation.
"It is Dolph's turn, it is Dolph's turn," the Death Eaters began chanting. Rabastan was already giggling madly and Draco was giving his uncle a consolatory pat on the shoulder.
"I hope he gets a clown costume!" one of the werewolves commented.
"Why a clown costume?" another of the werewolves asked.
"They don't know what a clown is, Steph."
Then the UPS Muggle spoke up. "I have a delivery for Mr. D. L. Red-Eyes."
The temperature in the room suddenly dropped. The children – magical and werewolf – braced themselves for an outburst as the eyes of the Dark Lord already started glowing menacingly.
Nagini and Thalia did not mind the danger. *Tom is getting more presents, Tom is getting more presents – may be that will calm him down, but we doubt it cause he is never happy.*
Voldemort doubted it would calm him down too.
All the attention immediately turned onto the Muggles unloading the boxes from the van. Rookwood was almost disappointed he had only one big cardboard box. Rodolphus paled when he got twenty boxes – that was never a good sign when it came to Potter – and Voldemort's magic started to hum murderously when the UPS Muggle unloaded a total of fifteen boxes.
"Something doesn't feel right," Alecto commented. "He's showing restraint. There aren't one hundred boxes."
"You don't need one hundred boxes to piss someone off, though," Mulciber pointed out. "You just need one. The rest are for extra affect."
"Balthazar's right," Rowle shook his head.
"Still, I think Alecto might be onto something," Rabastan stated.
The Mystery of the Low Number of Boxes Delivered was put to one side momentarily as Dolohov carried Rookwood's box in, Macnair brought a box in for Rodolphus and Reed dared to bring a box in for Voldemort while the lower rank guards and Wormtail brought the rest in, praying to any deity who would listen that no one got killed in a fit of Dark Lord rage.
Rookwood put his journal and Mr. Mupples, who had rather been enjoying his quiet afternoon, down and shook his box experimentally. Yep there were solid objects inside. Rodolphus did something similar and frowned at the sound of multiple objects shifting inside the box. Voldemort glared at his box as though it was a cute bunny with a ribbon around its neck.
Thalia started laughing. *Hey Nagini, I don't think Tom's name fits him anymore.*
*Oh, why do you say that, my friend?*
*Because by the end of this, he will be jumping off a cliff and towards death, not away from it!*
Why did the Boy send me such an impertinent fucking snake?! Voldemort wailed to himself.
For once, that was actually an accident, came the snarky tone of the Brat in his head. Good thing she does have a sense of humour; you might keep you young longer.
WHY YOU LITTLE – I AM YOUNG!
Is that a wrinkle?
POTTER-
Yep, there went the Link again.
"So, which one of you suckers is going to go first?" Fenrir smirked, showing off his canines.
Rookwood and Rodolphus immediately looked to the Dark Lord. Voldemort quietly bristled but composed himself. "Rodolphusss, you firssst!"
One elegant Cutting Charm later, the box was open and Rodolphus peered into the box and frowned in utter complete bewilderment, and began to scratch his head.
"What is it, Dolph?" Mulciber asked eagerly. "Giant shoes? Muggle shampoos? Strange devices?"
"Well, it is strange," Rodolphus answered as he reached into the box and pulled out a cube that could fit in his hand. It was extremely colourful; it looked utterly and completely mundane.
Snape pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. Harry Potter, why would you do this?! Oh wait – lethal boredom.
"Will it explode?" Alecto asked, frowning.
"No idea, but you can't be too careful," Rowle answered. "This is Potter we're talking about."
"Indeed," Snape agreed, as he tiredly lifted up his head. "But I regret to inform you that the thing in question would be marginally more interesting and less infuriating than what it is now."
"You know what that is?" Rabastan lit up.
"Indeed," Snape drawled. "That is known as a Rubix Cube. It is a puzzle the Muggles designed in order to bully each other. No, I am joking but that is what it feels like because the moment you solve one side of the cube, you make a mistake and then all your work is for nothing!"
"It's a puzzle?" Rodolphus lit up at this. Rabastan and Rookwood looked eager too, as did some of the magical and werewolf children. Even Narcissa seemed intrigued. Voldemort already decided to sneak one for himself.
"Yes, one that is practically bloody impossible," Snape grumbled. "You have to have one side that is red, one that is blue, one that is green, one that is yellow – you get the idea."
Unfortunately, Thalia already saw a joke in the situation.
*I think Tom is going to drop the Cube like a hot potato.*
Nagini cocked her head. *Why do you say that?*
*Because it is a riddle and we all know Tom hates Riddles! Hahahahaha!*
The cliff is actually looking appealing, Voldemort grumbled to himself. He then spoke up again. "Augusssstuusss, you next!"
Rookwood's box was open in seconds and he started lifting out boxes containing videos. There were some very odd titles: Scooby Do, Where Are You?, Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo, The New Scooby and Scrappy-Doo Show, The 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo – every title had 'Scooby Doo' in it! The characters on the front looked really strange but Rookwood couldn't help but be curious.
The rest of the Dark Side were thoroughly confused.
"It's definitely a cartoon," was all Macnair had to say.
"Looks like a series," Avery Senior added.
Some of the younger werewolves came to have a closer look and they lit up in an instant. "Scooby Doo!" they cheered and turned around to Reed as they started pointing and jumping. Fenrir did not look happy at all. "Look Tyler, it's Scooby Doo! Mr. Death Eater has Scooby Doo! Can we watch it with him? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease-"
"Oh, the little puppies know what it is," Blaise chuckled.
"Yes, because Scooby Doo is a children's show," Beynon piped up.
Many of the Death Eaters lit up at this. Rookwood rolled his eyes.
"Children's show? I love Scooby Doo!" Holland protested.
"Hate to break it to you, Crystal, but you are still a bit of a child," one of the older werewolves quipped. Holland scowled at the wolf in question.
"What is it about?" Rookwood asked the children as the rest of the Death Eaters were spluttering with laughter.
"It's about four teens and their dog who go around in the Mystery Machine and solve mysteries about monsters running around causing problems, but those monsters are almost always an idiot behind the mask," one of the younger girls responded immediately, speaking rather erratically due to her enthusiasm.
"Sounds stupid," Rowle commented.
"You're stupid," the younger werewolves quipped back in unison.
Rowle scowled at the children but didn't dare do anything else; Reed was glaring at him unblinkingly and frankly, Rowle did not fancy becoming werewolf chow or having his feet buried in the garden.
Thalia began tittering. *Hey Nagini, Thorfinn is seriously underequipped to engage in a verbal joust with the pups.*
*What makes you say that, Thalia?* Nagini asked curiously.
*He doesn't have a silver tongue!*
*Thalia, that was lazy,* Voldemort commented through a grimace.
*Oh look, Lord Jelly-mort is back. Pissy that I thought of it first?*
Voldemort spluttered. *PISSY?! I do not get pissy!*
*YES YOU DO!*
The Dark Lord scowled at his snakes and clenched his jaws, huffing. The snakes didn't let him off the hook.
*Tom, you still need to open your present,* Nagini reminded him.
*Yes, Tom, don't be rude,* Thalia added.
*I'll take a lecture on rudeness from … some people … but not from you!* Voldemort thundered as he stepped up to the box and opened it easily.
The Dark Lord peered into the box as everyone in the room already hid behind sofas, chairs, behind adults – Dolohov was hiding behind Macnair as well – in preparation for any outburst from him. Some of the younger werewolves already made sure Mr. Mupples was as far away from the Dark Lord as possible because if he got hurt during an outburst, no one could save Voldemort from Bellatrix's wrath.
One could have heard a pin and a feather drop.
The ground beneath their feet began to tremble; cracks already began to appear in the windows and the mirrors, again. The Death Eaters braced themselves.
"HARRY POTTERRRRRRRRRRR!"
Windows cracked all over the mansion, antiques fell over with guards jumping to save many of them from breaking. Wormtail had been knocked once more off his seat with yet another soup bowl on his head. Cows and sheep in fields began panicking and Muggle farmers looked up, utterly bewildered because they were not sure when was the last time they had a wolf in the area; they swear they heard howling of some kind. The peacocks in the Malfoy garden took to hiding in the hedges.
While everyone was cowering, Thalia regarded the most dangerous Dark Lord since Grindelwald with a sassy look. *What is it this time, Mr. Grumpy Cloak?*
Shaking physically with rage, Voldemort put his hand in the box and lifted out an odd pair of glasses with fake eyebrows and a giant nose attached to it. Thalia's eyes widened. *Wow, that nose is even bigger than Severus's! And good news - you have enough to choose from!*
*THIS. ISN'T. FUNNY!*
*No, it's hilarious!* Thalia cackled – well, made a noise that Voldemort knew was a snake version of a cackle.
Nagini looked gleeful. *Put it on, Tom!*
*I will not!*
*Grumpy Cloak,* Nagini commented.
*Lord Jelly-mort is going to outlaw fun, remember?* Thalia quipped.
While imagining putting the Boy-Who-Was-Going-To-Suffer-A-Very-Long-and-Painful-Death onto a spit roast for the werewolves, Voldemort cussed and grumbled under his breath as he lifted the glasses onto his face.
Only, the moment he lifted his hand away, the glasses slid off his face very quickly due to … a lack of a nose, and onto the floor, causing Nagini and Thalia to start dying of laughter and the werewolves to bite into their cheeks so they did not start splitting their sides in the Dark Lord's face.
Even the Death Eaters were finding it extremely difficult to maintain their composure.
Well, the Dark Lord's banshee screaming put a swift end to their good mood, causing the inhabitants of the room to flee in fear. This time, the screaming was heard only by a certain lightning-scarred boy, his Council of Pranks and a thoroughly confused Queen of England, who made a note to ask her Prime Minister to inquire of the Minister for Magic the reason why there was an odd sort of screaming and two of her tea sets had spontaneously turned into a pile of porcelain.
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"I don't think the glasses stayed on his face."
"Oh, what makes you say that?! You are dead meat, Harry Potter!"
"Nothing new there, Hermione."
"Is it just me or is the Dark Lord a soprano?"
"Justin, this isn't funny!"
"It is a little funny, Granger, you have to admit."
"Cousin, why the fuck could I hear him as well?"
"No clue, but what do you make of him, Dud?"
"Sounds like a right wet blanket to me."
Harry and the Council of Pranks, with Fred and George present this time, convened the moment that they heard Voldemort's shrill tones echo around them. Dudley had especially been freaked out because he knew he wasn't a wizard and yet he had heard the eerie, spooky screams like Old Snakeface had been in the room with him.
"Do you think he actually put one of them on?" Colin asked eagerly.
"He must have done or he wouldn't have lost it like that," Ron responded with a satisfied smirk.
"I think Nagini and Thalia must have bullied him into it or he would never have done it," the Boy-Who-Was-Pretty-Pleased-About-How-This-Prank-Went smirked. "If I know anything about Old Snakeface, Nagini and Thalia are his weak spots."
"Ooooo I would have paid good money to see that!" Fred laughed.
"I want to see what the werewolves did with the hair dye and 80s hair style books," George chuckled.
"I will try and catch a glimpse the next time I am in Voldie's head," Harry promised.
"No, you will not!"
"Oh come on, Hermione. You must be at least a little bit curious," Dean prodded.
Hermione huffed. She couldn't deny that. "So," she sighed. "What next, Mr. Suicidal?"
"I don't know if it is a good idea to send another present to your werewolves, but I thought maybe Milk Bones," Dudley suggested. "I know where we can get a whole lot."
"What are Milk Bones?" Ginny asked.
"Dog treats," Dean, Justin and the Creevey brothers chorused.
The twins started to cackle at this. "We say do it!"
"Harry?" Ron grinned.
The Boy-Who-Was-Going-to-Ward-The-Window-As-Well-As-His-Bed-That-Night laughed. "I say yes! Next!"
"We have one-"
"-for Dolohov," the twins spoke up. "Do you remember-"
"-when Dad asked you-"
"-what the function of a rubber duck is?"
The son of Prongs lit up, an evil glint in his green eyes. "Erm … yes, because it was one of the most awkward questions that I was ever asked. Why?"
"We propose to our fearless leader-"
"-to send to the prick Antonin Dolohov-"
"-so many rubber ducks they will fill-"
"-every bath in Malfoy Manor!" the twin's eyes shone.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa – these people don't know what a rubber duck is?" Dudley could not believe his ears.
"Nope!" the wizards chorused.
"How?!" Dudley was absolutely stumped at that.
"We just don't have them," Ron responded with a slight nervous laugh. He frowned. "We don't really have bath toys in our world in general, now that I think about it. That is definitely a Muggle thing."
"Sounds bloody boring," Dudley commented.
The Boy-Who-Was-Excited-For-A-New-Target continued pacing, smiling to himself. "The rubber ducks are in. Next target!"
"I have one!" Dennis Creevey piped up. "Shall we see how Malfoy and his friends handle the good old NERF gun?"
Dudley chortled. "Oh boy! That could turn that place into more of war zone than it likely already is. I love it!"
"Back up; what are NERF guns?" Ron wanted to know, sounding very eager.
"Well, do you know what a gun is?" Dudley asked.
"It's a Muggle weapon that shoots things at a target and could kill them," Ginny frowned, trying to remember her Muggle Studies lessons.
"Right, OK, you have the basics," Dudley sounded relieved. "A NERF gun is a toy – it shoots fake bullets and darts at the target and yeah, it doesn't kill anyone but some of them do pack quite a punch. Oh would you look at that – there are some on Amazon."
Harry was beaming at the phone. "Dud, are you already at the computer?"
"Duh. Saves me time. Is that a yes to the NERF gun?"
"Do plants love sunlight? Absolutely!" the Boy-Who-Suddenly-Had-Another-Evil-Idea then started laughing maniacally. "Hey, Dudley? Do you have some time to do some more drawing today?"
"Yes. Why – oh Jesus, you want another order of Club shirts, don't you?"
"For Nagini and Thalia this time."
"Yes, sir!"
"Well, we had better get cracking," Justin stated. "See you guys next time. Harry, please try to stay alive."
And with that another plan was set in motion, and one Draco Malfoy could not sleep that night because his Harry Senses started going off.
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Hehehehehehehehehehe, this was so much fun! Poor old Voldie really cannot get a break. I almost feel sorry for him. I think. Nah. But it will be fun to see how Rodolphus handles the Rubix Cube. Will the others be able to? Let's see next time shall we?
Once more I want to thank everyone for sending me awesome and funny suggestions. There are so many that I really have enough to pick from. Keep them coming because some of them really are genius. Thank you to the people who suggested Milk Bones, rubber ducks and NERF guns in advance!
Quick disclaimer: I don't own Scooby Doo, or Disney or Harry Potter because otherwise Mr. Mupples and Thalia would have been canon.
I love my moments of madness and I hope all of you continue to love this series as much as I do. I will see you all in the next one.
Kingmaker'sUmbreon