Hello all! Long time no see. I'm sorry this chapter took so long to post. This chapter was meant to be posted 3 years ago, but an accident occurred and I lost all the data I had for the chapter. It took a hell of a time to rewrite it, but it's not all bad. This new write up is head and shoulders above what I originally intended. I'm going to try to post more chapters in a timely manner so look forward to that.
As always, please enjoy and review.
p.s. I've cross-posted this story on my ao3 under the same username.
Chapter 33: Heartbreak
The morning sun started peering over the horizon as a new day began. The landscape was bathed in its warm light as it rose into the heavens. As the sun rises, the forest below comes alive, its inhabitants waking to a new day. A massive mountain looms in the middle of the forest, its face jagged and steep with a large, flowing waterfall cascading into a clear blue lake. The morning light sparkles off the waters, shining a crystalline blue. The light pierces the waterfall, reaching the hidden chamber that lies behind and illuminates it. The hidden cave was substantial, with a short path from the water barely wide enough to fit two average-sized dragons simultaneously. Inside the cave a massive sleeping red dragon was occupying the hidden space.
Natsu awoke when the sun's rays hit him. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, the dragon lifts his head and quickly scans his surroundings. He was disappointed to see that he was as alone as when he fell asleep. He released a long sigh accompanied by a small plume of smoke as the drake's face took on a melancholy look.
"So that's your answer, huh Lisanna?" He stated to himself. He wasn't sure why he was so surprised. What he was asking of the dragonelle was selfish. He was asking her to risk giving up everything she's ever cared about to be with him. He didn't blame her for not coming, he just felt a sharp pain in his chest.
It hurts. My chest really hurts. Why does it hurt so bad? I don't understand why I'm feeling this pain. I shouldn't feel this much pain from one dragonelle.
Standing in what he hoped was a confident and dignified way. He walks over to the waterfall and drinks greedily before dunking his whole head, letting the water wash away the pain.
"Natsu." A soft, feminine voice says in a happy tone.
The drake whips his head around with a startled expression. Looking around, he was met with the same emptiness as he saw moments ago. However, looking into the space caused him to remember everything that transpired there. The memory from when they sat across from each other and talked about anything and everything. The memories of when they slept side by side with his wing blanketed around her. All the days they spent simply enjoying each others' company. All of their playful wrestling, teasing, talking, and everything in between. It all played in front of his eyes all at once.
He shakes the memories from his head and looks away. "Must have imagined it," he slowly said to himself. Feeling his stomach growl, he makes his way back to the entrance. "Maybe some food will help."
Pushing off the ground, the Fire Dragon explodes out of the cave and flaps his wings to remain airborne. But strangely, he found the task difficult, like he was being weighed down by something. He takes a moment to assess his surroundings to see if there is something for him to eat. There was a herd of deer staring up at him after his sudden appearance.
"Now they just want us to eat them."
Natsu looks next to him and sees a phantom of Lisanna grinning at him.
"Come on!" He hears her say as a phantom of both of them dives at the herd. A smile playing on his lips at the memory as the pain he feels grows.
Looking back at the living deer in front of him, the young drake finds that he no longer has an appetite. He decides to land, partly due to his loss of appetite and partly due to the newfound struggle of flapping his wings in order to remain airborne.
His landing spooks the deer away, leaving the young Fire Dragon alone. Unsure of what to do now that he's landed. He looks toward the spot where the waterfall cave hid with a contemplative look.
Should I head back to the cave and go back to sleep? Nah, don't got the energy for that, and I don't want to see those memories again. But I don't want to just stand around here all day. Plus this pain keeps bothering me.
Natsu looks at his surroundings hoping to find a hint of something that could distract himself from the memories and feelings plaguing him. Not finding anything around him, he starts to wander.
He meandered around for a while, continuing his search for a distraction. It took him all around the forest. He first found a large hill surrounded by a cluster of many boulders, where he saw another vestige of himself and Lisanna.
"This place is amazing!" A phantom of Natsu said in amazement, looking at the scenery for the first time.
"I know, right?" A phantom Lisanna replied with a beaming smile. "Isn't it just so beautiful and peaceful? This is the kind of place I'd go to lay down, relax, and take a nap."
"But we just woke up from a nap not that long ago."
Lisanna flicked him on the nose with her tail at his comment. "Are you calling me lazy?" She said in a warning tone of voice.
"No, no. I'm only saying that I get it. My body is naturally warm and my wing can be so comfy that it's only natural that you want to sleep with me so often." The fire drake said with a mischievous grin.
He quickly jumped back with a laugh as the Tigress Dragonelle tried to smack him with her claw.
"Stand still." She said then took another swipe at his head that he backed away from, still laughing. "Stand still and let me smack you, you perverted pyro."
"I don't even know what that means!" Natsu cried as he started running from his companion who chased him around the area, both laughing as they went.
"Come here and I'll teach you."
Smiling a sad smile as the memory fades, the drake continues his walk. The next location he found himself at was another clearing, only this one wasn't made by nature. It was a large clearing, large enough to fit a couple dragons with multiple fallen and broken trees, some sporting black scorch marks or are nothing but lumps of charcoal.
He remembers this area clearly, it was where he and Lisanna almost accidentally started a forest fire while going for a walk.
The two dragons were walking side-by-side through the forest enjoying the sunny day. Having just come off of a hearty meal of an entire herd of deer they caught together, the two were on their way back to the cave with their leftovers in tow.
"I'm telling you, I caught a herd of over a thousand deer back where I come from," Natsu said.
"Sure you did." Lisanna responded dismissively.
"It's true! I caught them even before my wings and breath attack came in. Fed my whole family for an entire year!"
"Yeah right, Natsu," she says as she swats him in the side with her tail. "How could that be true when you're worse at hunting than me?"
"Oh yeah," the drake says and nudges his companion. "And when exactly did that happen?"
Giving the fire dragon a fierce smile, she nudges him back harder than he did and says, "What do you mean when? That's always been the case."
He shoves her back hard enough to cause her to stumble a couple steps. He flashes her a fierce smile matching her own and says, "I don't think so, Lisanna."
The two dragons stare each other down, their smiles never faltering. A moment later, they lunge.
Meeting in midair, they begin their grapple. It was a mass of jaws, claws, and wings as the two dragons rolled around, crushing their surroundings with their massive bodies as they tried to overpower the other. Natsu occasionally spewing mini plumes of fire, scorching the crushed trees and lighting some ablaze. After a couple of minutes and several dozen destroyed trees later, Natsu was able to pin the dragonelle.
"Looks like we know who's stronger now."
"I don't think so, Natsu." Quick as a viper, the Tigress Dragonelle's tail wrapped around his midsection and flung him off of her.
Returning to their feet, the two glared at each other before bursting out in laughter.
"Call it a tie?" she asks between giggles.
"Sure."
They turn to continue their trek only to discover both their leftovers and the surrounding trees aflame and spreading.
"Crap! Put out the fires!"
"You and your stupid flames!"
Stepping on the remains of a charred tree, he moved away from this memory, and after a few more minutes, found himself standing before a large crater in the forest's floor. Looking at this crater pulled a small smile and a chuckle from the dragon, followed by him directing his attention towards the sky and seeing more phantoms of his past.
Natsu was gliding above the treetops of the forest. It was a pleasant day, sunny with very few clouds, and the drake decided to enjoy himself with something he loved to do: fly.
He had been flying for a few hours now, not thinking or doing anything other than enjoying the weather.
"Hey, Natsu! How's it going?" A cheerful voice unexpectedly spoke directly above him.
He was so engrossed in his enjoyment that he didn't even notice Lisanna approach.
"Whoa! Dang it" Hearing her voice so close so suddenly made Natsu lose his balance, causing his wing to smack into the treetops, resulting in him losing his balance even more and tumbling head-over-tail into the ground.
After regaining his bearings, the downed dragon gets up and looks at the Tigress Dragonelle laughing to the side.
"What the hell, Lisanna?! You scared the crap out of me."
"Ahahaha! Oh… oh… hahaha… oh, my stomach! Ahahah… I can't breathe! Oh man, I'm crying! Hahaha!"
"Never do that again."
"Yeah… haha… yeah, ok."
He sighed and lowered his snout to help the still laughing dragonelle back to her feet.
As the memory faded, Natsu looked around and felt a strange combination of both serene comfort and deep pain. He had gone on this stroll in the hopes of distracting himself, but now the weird feeling has intensified and he's as confused as ever. He loved this forest, it was nice and peaceful. It was a refreshing break from the unrestrained chaos that has been his life for the past few years. But right now, it hurts being here. It was like everywhere he looked was another memory. He was beginning to think this forest was haunted, because of all the phantoms he's been seeing.
"I should probably leave this place. I don't know why, but it hurts to be here all of a sudden." Lifting his head back toward the sky, he continues his thought, "but where should I go?"
After thinking a few moments longer, he releases a smoke-tinged sigh.
"I guess it doesn't really matter where." So flapping his still heavy wings, the Fire Dragon takes off in the direction he was facing and leaves the forest and waterfall cave behind.
He flew in a daze, unsure of what to do, where he was going, or what to think. Time seemed to stop as he flew aimlessly. He didn't know how long he had been flying for, but he knew he was starting to get hungry and a little tired.
It was around the time the sun had reached its peak in the sky that Natsu had decided to take a break. He quickly scanned his surroundings and found he was flying over a grassland with a few herds of bison roaming around. Seeing a medium sized herd with a few plumb bison, Natsu moves towards it to begin his break with a short hunt. However, the phantoms from the forest followed him, because when he was a few meters away from his prey, they pounced, shocking him as they surrounded and started circling the herd with grins. Immediately he shoots back up into the air, flying with renewed vigor and an increase in speed.
This occurred the next time he tried to rest, then the next time, and the next time after that. Anywhere he looked and anytime he would try to take a rest, phantoms playing out memories of their time together would play before his eyes, causing him to increase his speed to outrun the memory. It took all of three times of this transpiring before Natsu was constantly flying at his top speed.
This happened for hours endlessly, and with every memory, a question followed suit.
Why didn't she show up? Why couldn't she try with me? Does she not actually like me? Was it something I did? Something I said? Did I push too hard? What is wrong with me? Is she truly alright with not being happy? Is her fear truly that strong? Or does she just not want to be happy with me? Was I not good enough? Why does this hurt so bad? What do I need to do to stop this pain? Will it ever stop hurting?
Day turned to night, and back to day again as the drake flew to outrun his past. He flew as fast as he could, but couldn't escape. It had reached the point where the world was not but a blur, and only the memories before his eyes were in focus.
At some point during his flight, the no food, water or rest started to weigh on him, add to that the increasing pain he feels with every memory and his exhaustion started to influence his train of thought towards darker thoughts.
I'm tired. Where am I even going? It's not like there'll be anything for me no matter where I go. Even if there was, I'm sure I'd lose it eventually. Am I cursed? Is that why everyone around me ends up getting hurt? First that black devil kills my father, then humans kill my mother, then an evil human brainwashes Gajeel and attacks the Thunder. Now I've ended up hurting the only friend I had at the Thunder and driving her away. It's no surprise she didn't show up. Maybe I should just disappear before I end up hurting someone else who's close to me, like Wendy or Kagura. And honestly, would anyone care if I disappeared?
He wasn't sure how much time had passed while he was flying, it could have been hours or it could have been weeks, but he continued to fly without rest and got weaker as more time passed. It was around the time that the sun had once again reached its apex in the sky that Natsu felt he was about to reach his limit.
It was around that same time that he came across what appeared to be travelers on a dirt road. He couldn't make out any distinct features because they were a few dozen miles away. All he could see was a horse-drawn carriage being driven by two humans. A man and a woman.
After thinking for a moment, Natsu decides to approach the travelers to ask for directions. He had been flying for so long in a daze that he had no idea where he was.
As he got closer to the travelers, Natsu descended closer to the ground to appear less threatening, or as less threatening as an 60-foot long crimson red dragon can look.
Now that the exhausted Fire Dragon has closed some of the distance, he was able to better make out the characteristics of the travelers. The carriage was small, only big enough to fit one or two humans with a single door and window on the side he could see. It was ornately decorated with white and gold paint with a red curtain completely covering the window. At the front, two brown horses pulled the carriage with the man and woman sitting behind them. The humans had brown hair and tan skin with the man having an eyepatch covering his left eye. They both wore matching armor and had swords at their hips.
When he believes he is close enough for the humans to hear him, Natsu goes to release a short roar, not long enough to instill fear, but just enough to get their attention.
Taking a breath, the drake lets loose his roar, "rraah."
What had intended to be a roar had instead been a pathetic and sod growl. However, it served its purpose in gaining the human's attention. The humans donned surprised looks when they saw him, including the woman with green hair inside the carriage lifting the curtain to look out the window.
The drake waits another minute to get closer before opening his mouth to speak. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to utter a single word before a weight landed on his back, knocking him out of the air and violently smashing his head into the dirt.
The pressure increased as the claw on Natsu's head pressed down harder as the dragon growled into his ear. Afterwards, the downed heard his assailant take a deep breath, to charge up a breath attack he supposed.
"Wait! Don't shoot! It'll hit us too!" The male knight frantically yelled.
The mystery dragon canceled charging its attack and audibly clicked its tongue, "tch. Fine."
The dragon dismounts Natsu, but doesn't allow him a chance to stand back up because he slams his tail and lower body into the Fire Dragon's side, knocking him a short distance away from the carriage. It immediately followed up by pouncing on him again, lashing out with its claws and snapping with its teeth.
Natsu simply closed his eyes and laid there, taking the onslaught without any resistance, defense, or will to fight whatsoever. He had reached his physical limit, even if he had wanted to, he wouldn't have been able to mount any meaningful resistance.
This kid is going to kill me. Good. It's not like anyone would be sad if I disappeared. I can think of worse ways to die than by a dragon's claws.
"Stop!" The female knight suddenly called out, placing herself between the attacking drake and Natsu. "Rufus, stop attacking this instant."
"Why should I, huh? This drake is a threat to the princess. I have every right to kill him."
"Because this is Natsu, a member of the Fairy Tail Thunder and my friend."
"So what? It doesn't matter who he's friends with or where he's affiliated with, it doesn't change the fact that I still have every right to kill him. What's more, I do remember him from when the princess went to that Thunder. He and his little dragonelle friend showed up late to the meeting, and I distinctly remember the princess saying he was a major threat to the country afterwards. Hell, the royal family would probably thank me for killing him."
"But can't you see that there's something wrong wi-"
"Who cares if there's something wrong," the dragon interrupts, "the royal family hired my Thunder to protect the princess from any and all threats and my Thunder Leader instructed me to take this job. This dragon is strong. His mere existence is a threat to the princess, and if you don't move it and stop getting in the way of my job, I'll crush you along with your friend." The drake emphasized his point by slamming his foot into the ground next to Kagura.
With a vein bulging on her forehead, Kagura looked up at the towering dragon with rage filled eyes and said, "look here, asshole! If you took your head out of your ass for a second, you would see that something is wrong with Natsu and that he isn't a threat! Natsu is supposed to be this incredibly powerful dragon capable of destroying the entire continent, yet he hasn't made any move to attack us, nor defend himself from you! Have you ever known any dragon, let alone one as strong as him, to not fight back? Cause I haven't! Plus, if he had any intention of hurting us, he could have used his breath attack to incinerate us long before we noticed him, but he didn't! So stand down and let me talk to him!"
The two stared each other down for a long minute before Rufus sighed.
"Fine, do whatever you want. But if he so much as twitches in the princess' direction, I won't hesitate to take him out." He then turns around and walks back to the princess, who is now standing outside her carriage, and lays down while glaring daggers at the pair.
Kagura returns his glare for a moment before softening her eyes as she turns towards her friend.
"Natsu," she calls out. Not receiving an answer, she tries again a little louder, "Natsu, are you alright?"
Opening his eye, the drake gazes at the worried form of the human knight.
"Kagura? Is that really you? Are you really here little one?
"Yes, Natsu, it's really me. I'm here." She says resting her hand on his snout and her head on his.
They stay like that for a long moment, after which Kagura pulls back.
"Natsu, what's going on? Are you okay? You don't look very good."
"I'm fine little one, just a little tired," he said as he rose to his feet but kept his head low enough so they could continue their conversation. "Anyway, what are you doing all the way out here, little one?"
"I should be asking you that. Why are you so close to the edge of Fairy Tail's territory? Are you following the princess? Is it because of what she said to you in your Thunder?"
"No. The only reason I'm out here is because I was hunting and I got lost. You and your group were the first people I've come across, and I wanted to ask where we were so I could find a place to rest."
"Really? Cause you're a long ways away from Magnolia for a simple hunting trip."
"I've been out here for a week already. I left my usual hunting ground and have been flying around for… actually, I don't know how long I've been flying. It's all a bit of a blur."
Kagura's face morphs into a concerned expression after hearing that last part.
"That doesn't sound like you, Natsu. Are you sure you are okay? I can tell something other than exhaustion is bothering you."
"I'm fine, Kagura. I just need some rest." He says dismissively.
The human looks at her dragon friend unconvinced. It was clear he wasn't, in fact, fine. His wings were hanging heavily at his sides, his tail was limp and dragging on the ground, and his legs were shaking, like it was difficult for him to stand. Seeing her first friend in such a state hurt her heart.
"Wait here, I'll be right back." She quickly runs back to the carriage and immediately takes a knee. It appears she and the occupant, the princess, he remembers, are speaking about something. They speak for a few minutes before Rufus lets loose a cry of indignation.
"You insolent human! You dare suggest that I, Rufus, proud dragon of the Sabertooth Thunder, am insufficient!?!"
"I'm not, but you yourself said that he is a strong dragon." Kagura responded.
"I said that to outline just how dangerous he is! Suggesting that I leave and allow him to take over guarding the princess is both ludicrous and highly insulting!"
"Whoa!" Natsu calls out in surprise, "who's doing what now? Kagura, I never agreed to guard the princess."
"I know, Natsu, but trust me, this will help everyone."
"It won't help me! Do you know what my master will do to me if I allow this to happen!?" Rufus cries.
"I don't see how this will help me either. I just want to know where I am exactly so I can take a rest." Natsu adds.
Kagura sighs at the two drakes.
At least they can agree on something.
"Look you two, this decision isn't up to either of you, it is up to the princess for what's going to happen."
The two dragons look towards the door of the carriage as Princess Hisui exits. She fixes a calculating look towards the Fire Dragon. She stares at him for a time, so much so that Kagura and Rufus begin to sweat.
Finally, she looks away from the red dragon and over to her knight, "I will allow Natsu to escort us." she says, causing the female knight to visibly relax. Rufus moves his head down, presumably to protest, but the princess stares straight at him, stopping him in his tracks. "However, Rufus, I want you waiting for us along our route just outside of Fairy Tail's territory. The royal family did indeed request that the Sabertooth Thunder be responsible for my protection and it would be wrong to deny you this purpose based solely on personal reasoning. Can you accept that, Rufus?"
"...it is as the woman said, it appears I don't have a choice. But let it be known, I am not happy about this choice, nor do I approve of it."
"Your concerns are noted, Rufus." The princess says, returning to her carriage.
"You heard the princess. You can go now, Rufus." Kagura says, shooing him away with her hand.
The crimson dragon growls at her with narrowed eyes, but says nothing as he flaps his wings and flies away.
"Kagura," her brother calls out as he walks up to her, "are you ready to go now?"
"Yep, thanks for waiting, big brother." She says with a smile, "Simon, do you mind driving the rest of the way on your own? I want to talk with Natsu for a while."
"Sure, I don't mind."
"Thanks, you're the best!" The female knight gives her brother a quick hug before running back to the remaining dragon.
"Alright, Natsu, it's time to get going. Lower your head so I can get on."
"You know, I never agreed to this." The drake replies, not moving a muscle.
"So?" She asks. Realizing that he wasn't going to lower his head, she starts making her way around him to climb on from his tail. "There's clearly something wrong with you, and I'm not letting you leave until you tell me what's wrong. Like it or not, Natsu, you're coming with us."
" I told you already, there's nothing wrong. I'm just tired and lost."
"And I told you, like it or not, you are coming with." She says as she sits down on his head. From her new vantage point, she could see that the carriage was already continuing its journey.
"Go on, you need to keep up or the princess is going to yell at me. You wouldn't want that, would you?" She smirks as she feels him tense beneath her.
The crimson dragon grumbles to himself for a minute, before letting out a puff of smoke.
"Fine."
"Haha! That's my boy! Now, let's fly!" She laughs with a large smile.
But that smile was short-lived. Instead of taking off, the drake started walking.
"Sorry little one, not going to happen. I'm too tired to fly anymore."
"What!" She cries in shock, "but you love flying. You're never too tired to fly."
"I'm sorry to disappoint you little one, but I've been flying for a long time and I can't do it anymore."
"Ok, that seals it. There is definitely something wrong for you not to want to fly. Tell me what's wrong, Natsu. I want to help"
"Leave it alone, Kagura. There isn't anything wrong."
"Natsu, I've known you longer than anybody, I can tell there is something wrong, and I'm not going to stop asking until you tell me."
She kept to her word, as for the next few hours, she did nothing but continuously ask 'what was wrong,' only for Natsu to reply with 'nothing.' It wasn't until their destination, the final town in Fairy Tail's territory where they will be staying for the night, appeared in the distance did Natsu finally cave in to his friends' onslaught.
"Alright, alright, I get it already. I'll tell you the whole story, just stop asking questions."
Kagura lets out a triumphant laugh and promises not to ask questions. He explains everything to her; his talk with Smaug about mates, talking with Lisanna about attempting to become mates with her and wanting to meet at the first place they met, how he waited for a week and she never showed up, and that ever since, he's been feeling a new and painful feeling that he can't get rid of. He explains what he's experienced since waking up in the waterfall cave that led him to where they are now.
With a soft expression on her face, Kagura rubs her hand across the scales on his head.
"That weird feeling you're describing is called heartbreak. It happens a lot with humans, but it can occur in other species too. It occurs when someone or something you cared about deeply is taken from you. Think back to when your parents died, didn't you feel something similar to this?"
Thinking back on those painful memories, he realizes that she's right. He can clearly recall the pressure weighing him down, and the pain from thinking about them. Even the memories he's recalling currently bring with them a similar pain to what he was feeling back in the forest. Although this time feels a little different, it's still the same feeling.
"But Lisanna wasn't taken from me. She's still alive back at the Thunder."
"Yes, but when she rejected you, she took away the future you were hoping to spend together. That will break your heart just as much as death can."
"Have you ever experienced this heartbreak before, little one?"
"Of course I have. Many times. I felt it when my parents died, and when my brother left me alone to find work off the island. I felt it when Sunrose was killed and when we went our separate ways all those years ago."
"Since you know so much about this feeling, please tell me, how do I get rid of it?" He asks in an almost pleading tone.
"I'm sorry, you can't get rid of it. It will slowly go away over time but there is no way to be rid of it immediately."
"Hey!" Simon calls from the front of the carriage, gaining the two's attention. "We're about to enter the town, you might want to shrink down to your human form Natsu so you don't accidentally scare or step on the citizens."
"I don't like this feeling." The drake says as he lowers his head for his rider to dismount. Kagura slides down his face before turning around and hugging his snout.
"I know, Natsu. No one does."
/\/\/\/\/\/\
"We welcome you, Princess Husui and company. We are honored you are once again staying in our humble little town. We have kept your accommodations precisely to your specifications in anticipation of your return. Please, stay as long as you like, and if you need absolutely anything, please don't hesitate to ask and it will be done." The mayor of the town said as he and his staff all kneel before the group in the town's center.
"Thank you, Mr.Mayor. We will only be staying for the night." Hisui says, nodding.
"Wonderful," the mayor says, standing up.
The group walked over to a simple four-story building off to the side of the center of town.
"This is the best inn that currently resides in our town." The mayor says, leading them inside and over to a dining room. "The town chefs are currently preparing your dinner as we speak. Please enjoy your stay."
After dinner, Simon escorted the princess up to her room while Kagura led Natsu to a different door.
"This is the room Rufus used last time we were here. You're free to use it." Kagura says, opening the door.
Natsu took one look inside and turned back to his friend.
"No thanks. This room is too cramped for my liking." He says, opening the window on the far wall to the dusk sky. "I'll sleep on the roof, call me if you need me, but do me a favor…"
"Sure, what?"
"Don't need me." The humanized dragon then jumps out the window, grasps the ledge of the roof and hauls himself up with ease. "Night Kagura."
"Good night Natsu." She replies, closing the door for the night.
/\/\/\/\/\/\
Far into the distance, a large navy dragon is flying in the direction of a small town on the edge of the territory. Catching site of his destination, the dragon licks his lips in anticipation.
"This is going to be fun."