The First Signs of Mayhem at Hogwarts
"I have never heard of such suicidal nonsense in my entire life, and I still remember the days of pure chaos that James Potter and his friends brought to the school! What were you thinking – oh how remiss of me, you probably were not!"
"Minerva, calm down-"
"I most certainly will not calm down, Albus!"
"I must admit, Headmaster, I have never heard of James Potter and his friends ever trying something like this. It definitely takes the cake and I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing."
"Well, that was mostly because You-Know-Who and his followers were not as big of an issue as they are now, Filius."
"You may have a good point there, Pomona."
"The better question is, how are we going to suitably punish Mr. Potter for his blatant lack of regard for the safety of himself and the Muggles who were sent to Malfoy Manor in the first place."
"Now, now, Severus, we are not going to be handing out fifty detentions in one go, are we?"
"It would be fitting, Headmaster!"
All the while the Heads of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin House were bickering back and forth while processing what Harry had told them, the Boy-Who-Really-Was-Getting-Fed-Up-Of-People-Talking-About-Him-While-He-Was-In-The-Same-Room sat quietly in his chair, arms folded and watching the proceedings with a tiny smirk.
Frankly, he had been of the opinion that it was way too early in the morning to be lectured by his teachers, who had dragged him away from breakfast to the Headmaster's office that morning in order to get to the bottom of why Severus Snape had an evil remote and why Narcissa Malfoy had apparently written to McGonagall in order to ask for her assistance in her revenge plot against the evil little toerag sitting before them.
The story had a mixed reception, as Harry had predicted.
Dumbledore smiled as benevolently to his angry Defence teacher as he could manage. "I am sure we will find a suitable punishment for Mr. Potter that does not involve scrubbing all Horace's cauldrons, the floors, re-labelling the potions supplies and having to write lines all in one evening, Severus. Indeed, I have heard from Minerva and the letter Lady Malfoy sent that Harry's targets are more than happy to do that job for us."
Professor Sprout paled slightly. "Headmaster, surely you are not contemplating allowing Mr. Potter to be left with Lady Malfoy after what happened a few months ago? It isn't safe!"
The twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes only intensified at that. "Nonsense! For Lady Malfoy and Mr. Potter will have a companion in one Mrs. Andromeda Tonks, Lady Malfoy's other sister, if you do remember. It will be perfectly fine."
That seemed to still the Head of Hufflepuff's anxiety a little. Professor Flitwick too seemed more reassured at hearing that. Severus Snape was not happy about this at all but held his tongue, though his hand was hovering over his remote.
As for the Head of Gryffindor House, she gave the Boy-Who-Knew-That-Narcissa-Malfoy-Was-Going-To-Make-His-Life-Hell a very stern look. "If you think I will protect you from Lady Malfoy's wrath you are sorely mistaken. I hope you know this, Mr. Potter."
Harry swallowed a little. "I do, Professor," he reassured, keeping his tone in control and as polite as he could.
"Good, because you will be taken on a trip by Lady Malfoy and Mrs. Tonks next weekend to Diagon Alley," McGonagall informed him, eyes shining. "I hope it will show to you the true extent of your utter foolishness in pranking a pureblood woman without thinking of the repercussions!"
Uh-oh. That could not be good.
Harry only dared to nod though. He was not going to ever push his luck with McGonagall; he was bored, not suicidal.
Unfortunately, it was at this point that there was quite a cacophony of voices outside the Headmaster's office. The enchanted gargoyle outside was scolding whoever was trying to get in the room about "piping down" and "the Headmaster is in conference; you will have to wait". Harry frowned at this, as did all the staff members. Dumbledore decided, since the matter of Harry pranking Tom and his Death Munchers – Dumbledore loved the nickname – was practically resolved, to see what the commotion was about.
The Heads of House and Harry followed behind and were rather surprised to see panic-stricken, annoyed and crying Hufflepuffs from the second years to sixth years – Harry recognised Ernie Macmillan, Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott – standing there, all speaking over each other.
"My dear children, whatever is the matter?" Dumbledore called over the din that they were making. "Ssssh, I cannot hear you – could you please speak one at a time?"
Harry really was getting a headache from the shouting.
Eventually the kids managed to calm down enough to chorus, "someone has painted our entrance!"
Harry wanted to grin at hearing that but was biting his cheek as hard as he could as he felt the eyes of all the Heads of House on him again. Dumbledore smiled serenely at the upset Badgers. "Can you show us, my dears? We will see what can be done."
The Hufflepuffs didn't need to be told twice. They led the way down to their dungeon entrance, all the while telling the staff about how they had woken up, went to breakfast, not noticing what had been done until they had to return to the Hufflepuff dorms to get the homework and books that they had forgotten to pack and came face to face with what had been done.
When the teachers and Harry arrived, there were already several other groups of Hufflepuffs there, using spell after spell on their entrance to try and remove what had been done but to no avail.
"Hello, children. Make way if you please! Thank you," Dumbledore called in his best, reassuring and grandfatherly tone as he, his staff and Harry approached.
Soon, they came face to face with the artwork that had the Badgers up-in-arms. It was a rather well-done cartoon image of a poor badger being chased down by a snake with a knife in its maw accompanied by an over-aggressive unicorn with a dagger strapped to its horn. Harry had to hide his amusement and also his bewilderment behind his hand: he knew fully well that it had been done with spray paint.
Spray paint, which had been sent to Draco. Oh boy.
However, the teachers did not seem to put two and two together because an irate Professor Sprout rounded on him!
"Mr. Potter, what is the meaning of this?!" she demanded.
Harry gaped, his hands flying off his mouth in an instant. "Professor, I assure you, I had nothing to do with this!" he protested.
"Oh really? Well, given how you have enough audacity to prank You-Know-Who's Death Eaters I would say you have enough audacity to do this to my Badgers!" the Herbology professor exploded.
"In theory, yes!" Harry agreed, which surprised everyone who was witnessing it. "However, you forget one thing, ma'am – I want to have fun with my pranks. No offence, but making your Badgers cry is not nearly as fun as making Fenrir howl in rage, or Wormtail faint, or seeing Voldie argue with his snakes or hearing Bellatrix screech Great Britain down, or watching Rabastan Lestrange slowly becoming semi-normal-"
"He's mad," commented a first year Hufflepuff.
"You will get used to it," Justin, who also happened to be there, grinned.
"I did not do this to your Badgers!" Harry continued. "I would need spray paint for that and I do not have any. You are welcome to search my trunk if you do not believe me."
McGonagall definitely looked like she would take him up on that offer. Flitwick did not know what to believe and Snape, for once, wasn't glaring at him; instead, there was a thoughtful expression on his face.
Like he already knew Harry wasn't lying. Now that was definitely interesting …
"Well, I am sure we will find the culprit sooner or later," Dumbledore stated jovially, turning his attention back onto the graffiti. "First we have to find a way to remove the image. Whoever did this should be put into one of the Art classes we have, though. They do have talent!"
"Headmaster!" Professor Sprout protested.
"Fret not, Pomona, they would naturally also lose points and receive detention," Dumbledore reassured. "Now, children, head off to your first lessons; try and ignore this unfortunate business for a while. Harry, you need to go to your first lesson too – I believe you have Horace's lesson first?"
Ah yes, Potions. Horace Slughorn, the new Potions teacher, apparently also took students who had achieved an EE in his subject; Harry hoped at least that the man would be a better teacher than Snape.
"Yes, sir," Harry replied as benevolently as he could manage.
Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Well then, of you go!"
The Hufflepuffs also dispersed to their lessons, giving Harry concerned looks or the stink-eye. The only one who was remotely amused was Justin, who knew fully well it was not Harry who had done it.
"I didn't know Draco Malfoy could be good with a spray can," his Hufflepuff friend commented as he walked a little towards the Potions classroom with Harry.
"Something tells me Little Malfoy had nothing to do with this, either," Harry grinned. "He's too prissy for that."
"So, who did?" Justin's eyes shone.
Harry grinned "I am not sure, but I have a feeling we may find out soon enough."
Justin chuckled as he left to go to his Charms class; Harry was admittedly a little tardy for his Potions class but Professor Slughorn let him off with a warning. Surprisingly, Ron was already there too, looking none too happy – well Harry was less than happy to be saddled with a tatty old book that was practically falling apart but something soon distracted him from his irritation.
The fact he saw Blaise Zabini and Millicent Bulstrode grinning their faces off. He had narrowed his eyes at them for a moment before he was forced to gather the ingredients for the Draught of Living Death.
Interesting. Very interesting.
###########################################################################
Voldemort was not happy: he had still not been able to get rid of that blasted wig that the Boy-Who-Belonged-At-The-Bottom-Of-The-Black-Lake had somehow managed to glue to his head, no matter how many Dark hexes and curses were flung at it by every member of the Inner Circle. The Dark Lord had not set one foot outside because he refused to suffer the ignominy of showing his face wearing it!
As if that was bad enough, Mr. Mupples had apparently found the Little Boy Wonder and had further incurred the wrath of Rodolphus because Bellatrix was now apparently officially co-parenting that bloody plushie with his mortal enemy! The moment that Thalia and Nagini had heard that Voldemort's most loyal lieutenant was sharing parenting duties with his mortal enemy, they had spent an entire evening laugh at his face.
*Do you think Bellatrix will start writing Howlers of complaint that Mr. Mupples won't eat his greens?* Nagini hissed with laughter.
*Most likely! Or perhaps she will tell the Potter hatchling how Rodolphus refuses to be nice to Mr. Mupples and ask the Potter hatchling to prank her mate on her behalf!* Thalia added gleefully. *With Tom having to mediate between them – again!*
*I know!* Nagini lit up. *Maybe the stress will make the wig fall off Tom's head!*
*Oh yes! We have tried all the magical means; now let's see if non magical means work,* Thalia agreed. She lit up. *Maybe we should get the young wolves to cause as much havoc as possible!*
Voldemort gritted his teeth and counted to twenty in his head before he answered, *you will not, Thalia, and that goes for you as well, Nagini. They already cause enough of a headache without your input.*
*Well you should have thought about that before you started making Izzy cry because you were being mean to Lady Flopears,* Thalia sniffed.
*I was not being mean to Lady Flopears! It needed a wash!* Voldemort protested.
*You took her without asking,* Nagini shot back.
*I don't need to ask a child werewolf to wash a plushie!* Voldemort was really happy he could not grow silver hairs.
Thalia gave him one of the most poisonous looks she had given him up until now. *You above all people should know it is just rude to take something that doesn't belong to you, Lord Grumpy-mort! Making goo-goo eyes at Bella and Reed? Oh yes, you don't want to date.*
Voldemort spluttered in disbelief.
Thalia and Nagini had decided to ignore him for the rest of the day. They went down to see Ollivander to complain about Voldemort's behaviour – yes, they were aware the wandmaker could not understand a single thing they were saying but they didn't care – and then spent the rest of their time with the werewolves or joining in the next movie marathon.
The Death Eaters decided to watch Halloween – Bellatrix had been rather insistent on it. Reed had insisted that the younger werewolves be removed from the room and to their rooms, much to the chagrin of the children. Rookwood had managed to get them to comply with a story – Babbity Rabbity and the Cackling Stump, to be exact.
Once the young werewolves were tucked in, the movie night began. Naturally, the running commentary also started up.
"Ooooo dark and scary – someone clearly had no imagination for what to carve on a pumpkin," Alecto sniffed indignantly.
"Flickering lights … really? Is that supposed to be scary? Why are we not looking at the character?" Mulciber frowned as Rabastan passed around the popcorn.
Travers blinked at the screen. "Erm … child, I don't think you should be playing with knives."
Bellatrix's eyes had a manic glint in them. Mr. Mupples bobbed. "Hehehehehehehehehehe! Yes, child, play with the knife – cut yourself, hehehehehehehe! Yes, Mr. Mupples, it is dangerous – yes the knife is very big."
Avery Senior's eyes were glued to the screen. "OK, there are his siblings – nope, I think only one is the sibling. At least I hope so, otherwise I have some grave concerns about this movie already."
"At least we do not get to see the horror," Amycus commented.
Macnair was soon grinning with excitement. "He's going upstairs … what is he doing – there is no way that his arm is that fricking long!"
"Yeah, he's supposed to be a young kid!" Rabastan snorted.
"I think someone may have adopted Freddy Kreuger's long lost son!" Dolohov cackled.
Avery Junior was shaking his head. "What is he doing – why is he putting on that mask the boyfriend put on? OK that is just creepy."
Reed and the other werewolves blinked in shock at this comment. "Really?" Reed stated incredulously. "You lot wear masks!"
"Not unrefined clown masks," Yaxley sniffed.
*That's debatable,* Thalia and Nagini commented, very happy no one could understand them.
Mulciber's eyes started to bug out. "Has this kid got no sense of privacy? His sister is still undressed – what the … oh dear …"
Rodolphus chuckled. "Dead sister. OK, we're already cooking, it seems."
"Hehehehehehehehehehe, yes Mr. Mupples, it is a miracle he managed to get the job done with that long of an arm and knife! Yes, indeed, a nice Killing Curse would have done the trick."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, this stupid kid has just stabbed his sister to death, is wearing a clown suit … and thought it would be a good idea to go outside with the murder weapon in hand and greet Mummy and Daddy like it's nothing? What a fucking mug," Jugson huffed.
The movie continued a bit until Travers made a comment. "Yes, Madam Nurse, calling someone 'it' is just so rude."
"What do you give him before taking him into a court house? Oh I don't know, a knockout punch? Sedation potion?" Dolohov suggested.
"Which idiot does let these nutters walk around? Oh boy! Here we go!" Avery Senior grinned.
The movie switched to the main characters, where Rookwood began chuckling. "OK, I am betting most of these women and kids are going to die."
*OK, there is no way that those three walkers are adolescent hatchlings,* Nagini sniffed.
*They could have been held back due to how stupid they are,* Thalia pointed out.
"Ooooo scary leather jacket and we don't get to see the face – I wonder who that could be? Cough, cough," Rabastan commented snarkily. "This is so stupid."
"She's going to that abandoned house? Has she not watched movies or read a book? You don't go towards creepy abandoned buildings unless you want to die a gruesome death – oh would you look at that, someone's home," Mulciber scowled.
Amycus snorted. "She should have died right then and there."
"Why did no one listen to that's guy's Healer? You are supposed to listen to his Healer!" Rodolphus shouted at the screen.
"And why is no one checking if these kids are being picked up by their parents? Why is that child permitted to walk home alone?" Avery Senior added.
"Wait … he sees a creepy car – he's going to the creepy car. Who cares about the bloody matches?! Oh wait … ah, there's a dead body. Of course there is," Yaxley sighed, shaking his head.
Avery Junior pulled a face. "Can someone shut that stupid blonde bimbo up already?"
"How many times can one repeat one word like that?" Travers asked in disgust.
"Utterly insipid," Yaxley agreed.
"I hope she dies first," Jugson added.
Alecto snorted. "Speed kills? I don't think a car is the least of your problems – OK, now he's lurking behind a hedge."
"Why doesn't he just kill them already?" Macnair complained, throwing a popcorn kernel at the TV.
"Maybe he likes playing with his food? Hehehehehehehehehehe!" Bellatrix cackled. She pouted. "Mr. Mupples, that was my popcorn!"
"I like the Healer. He has a good head on his shoulders," Rookwood commented.
"Yeah, except for when he has to find his own patient – he just drove by him again and the idiot didn't notice!" Dolohov shouted, throwing popcorn at the TV as well. "What an absolute moron."
"Urgh – can one of these girls just be put out of their misery already? I thought this was supposed to be a horror-slasher movie!" Avery Junior was also impatient for the action to start.
"Oh would you look at that? They're going into the creepy house!" Rabastan shook his head.
"OK, someone has to die now!" Macnair stated.
"… Of course no one fricking dies … boring," Jugson huffed.
The movie continued and soon Travers was gaping. "You do not like the story of King Arthur? That child has no taste!"
Rookwood was soon shouting at the TV screen. "Listen to the dog! Stop being a nitwit and listen to the dog! … I can't even with these stupid characters."
"The kid sees him! Oh boy!" Alecto grinned.
"Why is she getting angry at him? She saw the disappearing Shape too!" Yaxley scoffed.
"Ewwww … what a pervert! He's watching her change," Rabastan pulled a face.
Dolohov chuckled. "He has spent most of his life locked up. He is not going to have many manners, is he?"
"Lester may be getting on your nerves but he is trying to tell you something – OH NO HE DIDN'T!" Mulciber exploded.
Avery Senior was just as angry. "RIGHT! That dog murdering bastard needs to die!"
"Ooooo this there finally going to be a death? She's locked in, she's locked in – come on, you idiot you have her. OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Why does the kid have to find her still alive?" Macnair was slowly losing the will to live.
Rodolphus snorted. "Oh look he's back again, lurking by the door like a freak."
"They're leaving the house … why do I feel like that is a bad idea … oh look, there he is!" Rabastan stated jovially.
"How did they not hear that giant fart he let out?!" Dolohov demanded.
Reed snorted with laughter. "That wasn't a fart, it was supposed to be a suspenseful sound effect."
The movie continued without comment for a little while until the first death.
"YES! FINALLY!" Popcorn rained from Macnair's bowl.
"YOU TOOK YOUR TIME, BUDDY!" Avery Junior cackled maniacally.
"Ssssshhhh the kids do not need to hear this!" the werewolves snapped.
"Hehehehehehehe, the Healer is playing tricks on the kiddies!" Bellatrix cackled too.
Rodolphus was getting annoyed with the characters on the screen too. "Dr. Loomis didn't let him go! He escaped! That would be like an Auror shouting at the Dementors for letting us 'simply walk out' of Azkaban!"
The next comments were obviously about a Scene-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named.
"FOR MORGANA'S SAKE!"
"Oh no not this again!" Alecto wailed as they all hid their faces behind cushions.
"Ewwwwww, my eyes!" Yaxley complained.
"My ears!" Mulciber added.
*We did not need to see human mating rituals!* Thalia and Nagini wailed.
"How many times do people need to get killed for people to learn they should never do the nasty in a horror-slasher movie?!" Avery Senior wailed as well.
Dolohov peered around his cushion and lit up. "OH BOY, HERE HE COMES! … Wow, bad timing."
"YES! The second death! Finally!" Macnair had popped his around his pillow too.
"What is with this guy and picking knives that are complete overkill?" Rookwood shook his head.
Travers snorted. " … Wow … a white sheet and creepy, creaking door opening … I think this guy may still be mentally seven years old."
"At least the annoying one is definitely going to die – oh would you look at that," Jugson grinned.
Amycus sighed. "And Laurie's actually going over there – what an idiot."
"She's no Nancy, that's for sure," Avery Junior commented.
"What in the – stupid question, how did he manage to get that stupid tombstone all the way up the stairs without someone seeing him load the thing and him cursing about how heavy it is?" Rabastan blanched, utterly confused.
Bellatrix was soon distracted by the dead bodies. "Hehehehehehehehehehe yes indeed, Mr. Mupples he is swinging like a monkey!"
"OK, that is just objectively good comedic timing!" Rookwood snorted too.
Macnair grinned. "Yeah, I would stuff that one in a cupboard or a closet too."
"YES! Come on, Michael, get her … How in Hel did he miss her?!" Dolohov complained.
Avery Senior was shaking his head despondently. "This is just … wow … of course he's too slow to catch up to her … and she's lost the key. What an idiot."
"He got stabbed in the neck with a needle – yikes!" Alecto winced.
Rabastan soon was shouting at the screen too. "Don't leave the knife, don't leave the knife, don't – she leaves the knife."
"There's nothing to be scared of?! Woman, you have a bleeding cut that likely needs to be stitches!" Mulciber snapped. "Why are all of these characters so stupid except for Dr. Loomis?"
"Oh look, there comes Michael already," Travers commented, sounding a little bored.
Rodolphus snorted. "Oh yes, hiding in a closet! That will definitely protect you from a murdering psychopath."
"How is she not dead yet … did she actually get him?" Avery Junior gaped at the screen.
"No idea but do not drop that knife again – what a moron," Rabastan popped another popcorn into his mouth.
"Oh look he's still alive," Rookwood commented. "What a surprise."
"Yes, here comes the Healer with a NERF gun that can actually kill someone!" Macnair cackled excitedly.
Mulciber blinked. "Wow …"
"And he's gone …" Avery Senior sighed. "Of course he is. I bet they wanted a second movie of this nonsense."
Reed and the werewolves chuckled at the accuracy of that statement. Next movie was Bram Stoker's Dracula, on the insistence of Rabastan, who had been wanting to watch it.
Unfortunately Rodolphus was already losing his patience with the movie, very early on. "… Sorry? These men have always coveted her husband's power and she believes their word that her husband is dead? One with such a reputation already – I don't like this woman already."
Alecto was soon also throwing popcorn at the TV. "Oh, of course it is the woman's fault for committing suicide! Oh yes, Hell is where she belongs; what a bunch of stupid Muggles. I hope they get their blood drained."
"Yes Mr. Mupples, that silly God should not have been so mean! Indeed, Mr. Mupples, I think this is not the last we have heard of Elisabeta. … Mr. Mupples that is rude!" Bellatrix scowled. "I should wash your mouth out with soap!"
"Please do," Rodolphus looked and sounded way too happy for everyone's taste.
Mulciber was shaking his head at the movie. "So the man goes to one of the most dark kingdoms in the East on the advice of a man who went insane? Am I the only one who thinks this is a very bad idea?"
Amycus was also losing his patience. "Why would a vampire need real estate acquisitions in London? And how have the Muggle authorities not noticed something odd going on?"
Rookwood pinched the bridge of his nose. "Doesn't this man have any concept of privacy? Get out of his things – oh no. Why does Mina look like Elisabeta? Oh no, this can't be good."
"He is going after someone else's fiancée? She is likely not even the same person!" Avery Junior protested.
"Jonathan, get out of there – oh my … there … there are three of them? Three other women? Dracula is going after someone else's fiancée when he already has three beautiful brides? Talk about ungrateful," Dolohov scoffed, shaking his head, an annoyed expression on his face.
Thalia tittered. *Maybe Tom should take dating advice from Dracula? Why choose? Have all three!*
Nagini giggled.
Yaxley was soon snorting with judgemental laughter. "Where on Earth did Muggles get the idea a vampire needs to sleep in his or her home soil from? I mean, really!"
"Oi, idiots! Listen to the madman who eats bugs for once – he actually has a point! … Why is it Muggles always think that Seers are mad?" Travers sighed irritably.
Jugson grinned. "Because most of them usually are."
Rabastan was soon clutching his pillow like a comfort teddy. "Madam … no, no, no, do not look into his eyes. Miss Lucy get away from him this instant … oh dear – yep, she's been bitten. This is not good."
"Oh gee, you think there is something wrong with your fiancée? You don't say," Amycus growled. "What a bunch of idiots."
Avery Senior grinned as they watched Dr. van Helsing examine Lucy. "Wow! So there is an actually intelligent Muggle in this story? Now that is surprising!"
Macnair was very soon losing what was left of his sanity. "Speaking of unintelligent Muggles, why is Mina entertaining affections and courting from a man who is clearly not her fiancé? Oi, girl, get your head out of your behind and stop meeting this man. Stop listening to his sugary words – urgh. Never once did I feel like courting a vampire; I don't see why Muggles are so fascinated by them."
"I think it's the neck biting," Reed commented with a wry grin.
"Oh so now she cares about Jonathan's well-being!" Dolohov snorted. "What a load of hippogriff shit."
"Wait, he actually managed to escape those brides? Boring!" Alecto protested indignantly.
"Oh boo hoo, Mina chose her actual fiancé over you – oh and because you're jealous and broken-hearted you turn that poor girl into a vampire. I cannot even with this so-called fearsome warlord. How the might have fallen!" Rodolphus sneered.
*Dracula is even more pathetic than Tom somehow,* Nagini shook her head. Thalia laughed in agreement.
Hannah, who had been watching the Death Eaters in silent fascination, started laughing. "Hahahaha, that's actually a fitting description!"
Rabastan was gaping at the screen again very soon. "Oh no … Lucy … those bastards! It is not her fault!"
"She is your fiancée, you scoundrel! Stick up for her!" Jugson added in horror.
"They're just going to kill her instead of teaching her how to temper her bloodlust? Really?" Avery Junior shook his head at the screen.
"She did not deserve that fate," Rookwood agreed.
"Oh yes, destroying the soil boxes – good idea, let's make a four-hundred-year-old vampire even angrier than he probably already is – why are you killing the freaking madman?! No one believed a single thing he said anyway and Mina didn't exactly listen to him either!" Rodolphus was set to throw a pillow but Rabastan caught it just in time.
"'My dear, I love you so – by the way I murdered Lucy and have been terrorising your friends, but you won't hold that against me right?' That will not work!" Yaxley scoffed, shaking his head.
"… Apparently it did …" Mulciber pulled a face of disgust. "No self-respect."
Macnair began shouting at the screen too. "Mina, you bloody idiot! He only loves you because you have his dead wife's face!"
"Why are you getting him to bite you?!" Dolohov was also just about done with Mina's nonsense.
"Aaaaaaand they're too late, of course they are," Rookwood huffed.
"Oh yes hypnotising her and using her Link with the vampire is definitely full proof, especially since Dracula likely has access to the Link as well – oh look, he makes use of it. Surprising no one!" Amycus threw a few kernels at the screen in frustration.
Travers frowned for a moment. "That sounds eerily familiar as well."
The werewolves did a facepalm.
*Dumb Death Eater,* Thalia commented, shaking her head.
Avery Senior was chuckling away. "So, only Van Helsing is guarding Dracula's prize? Yeeeaaaah, he going to get his blood drained."
"Probably – oh look, here come the brides! You have an issue there, doctor, Mina is one of them after all. Oh would you look at that, she is already turning against you. Run out of holy water? Whoops," Rodolphus chuckled.
Dolohov too was soon splitting his sides laughing. "Hahahahaahahahahahahahahahaha, here's a wafer to your head!"
"The all-powerful wafer!" Alecto cackled. "Oh Merlin, this is ridiculous."
Mulciber lit up. "Oooooo, awesome fire ring! I knew he still had a brain."
"Oh so he protects Mina the vampire but Lucy the vampire had to be beheaded? What a load of hippogriff shit," Rabastan growled.
"Awwww, why do those three darlings have to die?" Macnair pouted.
"Oh, I don't know, because they're psychotic killers?" Rookwood reminded him, earning him another look of disbelief from the werewolves.
"Whooohooo, get them, gypsy Muggles! Yeeees, one of them got hit!" Dolohov cheered.
Jugson grinned. "I never liked Quincy Morris anyway."
Alecto was soon pouting as well. "Awww but he isn't dead yet."
"Get him, Jonathan!" Avery Junior cheered. "Why does Morris get to make the stabbing to the heart? He should have just dropped dead."
"Woman, get away from him – I can't even with this stupid girl!" Mulciber wailed.
"Harker, why the fuck are you allowing her to go with him?! Get a fucking sword and impale the bastard!" Rodolphus added with vitriolic venom.
"Yaaaaay, Morris is dead! Finally!" many of the Death Eaters cheered.
"EWWWWWW!" soon arose from them too.
"OK, you should really stop making goo-goo eyes at him. Does this girl even have eyes at this point?" Mulciber complained.
"WHY ARE YOU KISSING HIM?!" Rodolphus, Rabastan, Rookwood, Rowle, Alecto and Amycus seethed in unison.
*Why is she eating that thing's face?!* Thalia wailed, coiling back into herself, covering her eyes.
*This is disgusting,* Nagini agreed, also hiding her eyes behind her tail.
"Jonathan needs to split up with this woman as soon as possible," Macnair sniffed.
"Oh yes a kiss between these two undead beings fixes a fucking cross that got stabbed – yeah, no," Amycus grumbled.
"Yeeeeees, take that knife and just jam it into his heart! Why is that stupid mark fading?!" Yaxley was now beyond confused.
"Guess that wafer was not so powerful after all," Dolohov commented with a cackle.
"Shut up, Antonin."
"Yes, Mr. Mupples, she did cut off his head! Yes, I know, Mr. Mupples, it was well overdue!" Bellatrix stated gleefully.
Voldemort was very relieved when the second movie ended and Dolohov had put on Home Alone again; most of the werewolves went to bed at this point, as did Jugson, Travers, Avery Junior and the Carrows. He did order the rest of the Inner Circle to bed when he got fed up of Nagini and Thalia's jokes about the silly Muggle child taking on two thieves on his own.
The Dark Lord had retreated to his study in order to try and get some peace and quiet, when, much to his own surprise, there was a tentative knock at the door. Secretly relieved to have something distract him from the tedium that was paper work, Voldemort straightened and put on his best intimidating face.
"Enter!" he barked.
The door opened and in came Macnair, who immediately bowed low as soon as he was in the room. "Forgive the intrusion, my Lord, but I was wondering if I could make a request."
Now this definitely took Voldemort by surprise!
Voldemort tilted his head slightly; normally this kind of impudence would not be tolerated but the Dark Lord would be lying if he said he wasn't curious. "What kind of requessst, Walden?"
"I have just finished my first prank for the Potter boy," Macnair's eyes lit up as he spoke. "I was wondering if I may send it tomorrow morning?"
"Oh?" Voldemort really hated that he was interested. "What kind of prank have you made?"
"I call it the Secret Spiller!" Macnair was trying not to bounce with excitement. "It looks like an unassuming box but the runes record everything that is said around it and at any given moment will start spilling what it has heard!"
Voldemort smirked. That could definitely be a cause for a lot of embarrassment – he hated to admit it, but he had once been an adolescent himself. He remembered just the kind of idiocy his allies and … friends had gotten up to at that age; the Secret Spiller could really dish some humiliating secrets out.
"Very well, Walden. You may ssssend the Ssssecret Ssspiller tomorrow."
Macnair looked like Yule had come early; he bowed low, said a quick, "thank you, my Lord!" and was gone before he could overstay his welcome.
Thalia exchanged a look with Nagini; the snakes had overheard everything outside the room. *It has begun, my friend.*
*Indeed, Thalia,* Nagini agreed with a sigh. *Let us hope the Potter hatchling's friends will not get as jealous or ungrateful as Tom and some of the others have been.*
Voldemort sighed and put his head on his desk, not noticing he had put his head directly on his blotting paper.
#########################################################################
"How you managed to escape without being detected is a bloody miracle from Morgana!"
"Daph, calm down. Potter almost got the blame for it-"
"And the staff know it wasn't him! Plus, I am pretty sure I saw Uncle Severus giving the pair of you the stink eye."
"Well, so far we have not been confronted or put into detention-"
"Yet!"
Blaise and Millicent were facing a rather overt confrontation from Draco, Theo, Pansy, Vincent and Gregory in the Slytherin common room that evening. Somehow, they had all survived the day without a single prank done by the Boy-Who-Somehow-Could-Manage-To-Not-Get-A-Detention-On-The-First-Day but were forced to face his bright AK-green eyes sparkle with pure diabolical intent. Because of this, the group could focus on Blaise and Millicent's idiotic plan to graffiti the Hufflepuff entrance with the spray paint that they had somehow managed to smuggle into the school.
Millicent huffed, and folded her arms. "I am not going to stop, guys. I enjoy it! It's genuinely fun!"
"Same," Blaise agreed.
Theo was pinching the bridge of his nose and then raised his head. "Look, I personally don't care that you've taken to this … unorthodox artform. But, I think you need to find a place or someone who could find you a place that you can do this, and not get the Badgers to cry."
"You have to admit it was a little funny, though," Blaise smirked.
Vincent and Gregory chuckled in agreement until they were silenced by a glare from Draco and Theo.
"I have a stupid question," Pansy frowned. "Who could help these two idiots with their questionable new habit?"
A pondering silence descended on the group for a moment, which quickly turned into tension when all of them came to the same answer: Harry I-Live-To-Make-Mayhem Potter.
That meant taking a trip up to Gryffindor Tower.
"Well," Millicent stated as she and Blaise got to their feet. "Into the Lion's Den we go!"
"Good luck," Vincent was scarily solemn.
"Watch your backs," Gregory added.
#######################################################################
"So, it is true what Dean told me – you have been a suicidal eejit again!"
Seamus Finnigan had hoped that he would at least have a week of peace before the chaos and mayhem of Harry Potter's erratic mind started up again. Unfortunately, Harry, Dean, Ron, and Neville had just finished filling the Irish half-blood in on what Harry had been doing the entire summer and it was safe to say that Seamus could not decide on whether to be impressed, or worried.
Harry grinned. "Don't worry, I am giving the Death Munchers some room to breathe. We can't have them getting too spoilt or that will take the fun away."
"Too spoilt … only you would worry about spoiling your enemies with pranks!" Seamus huffed. He then considered for a moment and pouted. "Why didn't you ask me to send some stuff? Me Muggle Irish family have some creepy things and stories surrounding the aes sídhe!"
"The what?" Ron frowned.
"Fairies," Seamus clarified, rolling his eyes.
Harry smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Seamus. I was rather caught up in only sending Muggle stuff. I really want all of these suckers to be silver sooner rather than later – preferably due to stress. But I would love your help, if you still want to help."
Seamus lit up.
Dean chuckled. "It is a very good thing Hermione is a girl and can't come up here or she would have a full nervous breakdown."
"Don't worry, we have Resuscitation Spells at the ready," Ron reassured with a grin.
"Speaking off heart attacks and nervous breakdowns, I still cannot get McGonagall's face out of my head when she saw that you don't have a single spray can in your trunk!" Dean continued.
"I do wonder who did it, though," Neville frowned thoughtfully.
"It has to be one of Malfoy's mates," Ron answered. "It's the only explanation."
"Harry! Harry!"
"General! Come out here!"
The boys frowned when they heard the chorusing of Colin, Dennis and Nigel drifting up the stairs. Harry got up, went to the door, stepped out and looked down at the three of them who were both looking a little amazed as well as scared. Ron, Dean, Seamus and Neville stepped out too.
"Guys, what's wrong?" Harry asked with a frown.
"You have visitors, General," Dennis answered and pointed towards the entrance to the Tower.
Harry looked and soon his eyes bugged out; Ron, Dean, Seamus and Neville could not believe their eyes. There, standing rather sheepishly and trying to ignore the looks of suspicion and amazement from the other Gryffindors, were Blaise Zabini and Millicent Bulstrode.
"What in the name of Merlin are those two doing here?!" Ron demanded.
"Evening, Weasley!" Blaise called jovially. "May we borrow Little Boy Wonder for a moment? We need to ask him something."
"Like hell we will let him go with you," Seamus answered steely. "For all we know, you could be burying his arse into Hagrid's pumpkin patch for what he pulled during the summer."
Harry smirked with amusement.
"Not this time," Millicent reassured.
"Guys, settle down," Harry turned to his friends. "I want to hear what they want."
"Harry," Dean sighed. "They are still Slytherins with parents who are likely followers of You-Know-Who-"
"Hey, I was responsible for them having to deal with a pissy Voldie," Harry ignored the flinches around him. "The least I can do is hear what they want."
Blaise and Millicent lit up as Harry descended the stairs and ignored the disbelieving looks from the rest of his House. Fortunately it seemed the two Snakes knew that they could not get away with a walk-and-talk because they were more than content to talk just outside the Fat Lady's portrait. The Fat Lady was eyeing the two sixteen-year-old purebloods with a look of deep suspicion.
Harry, though, leant back against the wall, utterly relaxed. "So, to what do I owe this rare pleasure?" he asked with a glint in his verdant eyes.
"I know you don't owe us anything or even that you like us all too much," Blaise was the one to speak first. "But … well … we kind of need your help with something."
"Oh?" the Boy-Who-Could-Smell-A-Plot's interest had been piqued immediately. "Do tell."
Blaise and Millicent exchanged a triumphant look. Millicent turned back to him. "I am sure you may have had suspicions, but Blaise and I were responsible for the new artwork on the Hufflepuff entrance and, well, it was rather surprising that we didn't get sussed out. Our friends want us to find a much safer place to do our art but the issue is we don't know where we can go."
Harry had already started grinning. He started chuckling the moment Millicent had finished. "You are lucky I know my way around the school or you would be in trouble," Harry informed gleefully. The Slytherins gave him a pointed look. "Right. OK, so you know that Hogwarts has an extracurricular class on Muggle Art, right?"
"We read that on the class list second year. Why?" Blaise asked.
Harry's evil grin only grew. "Well, the class is as boring as you could get because it only focuses on Art History and creating sculptures, paintings, painting porcelain and other boring shit but – there are these two students who take it, Ashley Kingsley and Benjamin Ferrars. By the way, if the two of you tattle to anyone in your House about this I will deny all knowledge because those two are fucking terrifying and I don't ever mess with them. Anyway, they're in my House, but they may as well be one of you because they have been hiding a little secret: they love creating street art. They have this secret club; even I don't know where they meet."
Blaise and Millicent lit up.
"I also happen to know they have Muggle Art tomorrow at lunch," Harry added. "You should be able to catch them in the Muggle Art room then. By the way, Kingsley is the one who pretends to love painting plates and Ferrars usually makes some very questionable sculptures that land him in hot water."
"Thanks, Potter," Millicent smirked. "I think I won't hex you for a while for this."
"I would appreciate it, given the two of you almost landed me in detention with Professor Sprout," Harry snorted.
"Oh, please! She would have simply asked you to create some compost tea for her beloved plants," Blaise rolled his eyes.
"No, given how pissy she was, I think I would have been left with the Venomous Tentaculas," Harry huffed. "Besides, I have a feeling I will be dealing with some blood-hungry sharks in the form of dear old Snakeface's sycophants."
The two Death Eater children blanched at that nickname.
"Thanks for your help," Blaise stated as he and Millicent turned to leave.
"No problem! I am just glad that the cans are being put to good use," Harry grinned.
The Fat Lady sighed in despair at hearing that.
Harry went back inside, only to be met with the dulcet tones of Hermione. "They were here? They were here and no one stopped him from meeting them? Oh my God, I hope that he doesn't come back with bruises – Harry James Potter, what the hell were you thinking meeting those two without back-up?! Do not give me that look, that was incredibly foolish to do, given who their parents support. Ron, this is not funny!"
Harry tuned out his sister-from-another-family as he went back upstairs, ignoring the looks of concern from his Housemates and was rather happy when he crawled into the safety of his four poster bed.
"So what did those two want?" Seamus asked curiously.
"They wanted some help," Harry answered truthfully.
"With what?" Neville wanted to know.
"An art project, believe it or not."
"Oh boy," Dean commented as Ron snorted with laughter. "This year is going to be really weird, isn't it?"
Harry grinned to himself as his friends settled down for bed. Yes, yes it absolutely was. He was going to make sure of it.
########################################################################
So it seems that the chaos has begun – Macnair is up first with his revenge prank, despite not being a target yet! How will the Secret Spiller be received; what will Harry do in retaliation? Will Hermione also be silver by the end of the year when she realises Seamus has joined the Council of Pranks? Stay tuned to find out!
Whooohooo! This should be good guys – I want to thank everyone for their suggestions. I am only going to drop a few hints about what is maybe to come by thanking the reviewers who suggested that Luna and her father do a piece in the 'Quibbler' about the prank wars, the slinkies and etch-a-sketch for Mr. Mupples, Teddy Ruxpin and personalised My Little Pony diaries
. Please continue your suggestions – they are genuinely make my day!
I will see you guys in the next moment of madness!
Kingmaker'sUmbreon