Delivery for the Death Eaters

by Kingmaker'sUmbreon

What do you get when the Saviour of the Wizarding World becomes dangerously bored, especially when the death of his godfather has already hit him seriously hard, and left to his own devices? Well, Draco Malfoy, the Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort are unfortunately going to find out soon enough!

22. Chapter 22

The Symbiot Tower and Unexpected Surprises

"CAW! YOU NEED TO BRUSH YOUR HAIR! MAYBE A TRIP TO A BARBER WOULD NOT BE A BAD IDEA! CAW!"

"THOSE LETTERS ARE TAKING TOO LONG! HURRY UP! CAW!"

"HAVE YOU PACKED EVERYTHING? I SWEAR YOU'RE FORGETTING SOMETHING – YES, YOUR HOMEWORK, STUPID BOY! CAW!"

"YOU NEED TO EAT WELL! EAT! EAT! CAW!"

"GIRLS, DO YOU HAVE SOME POTIONS FOR HIS HAIR? CAW!"

Harry had the inclination to cast a Muffliato one his automaton around fifty times even before he and his friends had gotten down to the Great Hall for breakfast. The bird was now insisting on escorting the boy everywhere in order to "keep a closer eye on him and make sure he kept to the schedule, caw!". While it was a source of great amusement to his friends, the Boy-Who-Wished-He-Had-Sent-A-Second-Prank-To-Rowle-For-Making-Him-Put-Up-With-This-Shit was not happy.

Not happy at all. Indeed, Jehoshaphat the owl was much happier than Harry was; the owl didn't try to peck and scratch them as Harry sent him on his way with the letters.

The Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Slytherins loved laughing at Harry's expense, especially when the raven automaton started putting the syrup on Harry's breakfast crumpets and started insisting that he needed to eat every last morsel.

"I have no idea how he did it, but I would love the shake Rowle by the hand," Seamus commented, chuckling away into his pumpkin juice.

"Me too," Dean grinned.

"I am rather glad I don't have one, though," Neville put in with a smile.

Ron tried to change the subject to try and save some of his best mate's dignity. "Hey, Gin. I see that Jeho didn't peck your eyes out last night."

Ginny gave her brother a pointed look. "His name is Jehoshaphat, Ron!"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Look, I am not going to say that long-ass name every single time; I can call him 'Jeho' or 'Phat'. You can take your pick!"

"He did look like he wanted to peck my fingers when I gave him the letters this morning," Harry pointed out.

"Yeah, but Jehoshaphat just doesn't like you," Dean chuckled.

"I don't think that bird likes anyone," Justin commented from behind them, grinning. "I think he simply tolerated Ginny because she gave him no other choice."

Ginny huffed a little at hearing that.

"Oh look. Ferrars and Kingsley and a bunch of others have some of those weird glasses Luna has," Ron suddenly commented, craning his neck a little. "I wonder why they have those. Have those idiots been reading the Quibbler too?"

"Ron," Ginny stated warningly.

"You have to admit that magazine is mad, Gin," Dean stated neutrally.

"Yes, but Luna's father is the editor, and Luna is our friend – it's only polite to read it," Ginny responded primly.

"I hear their new edition has got an article on rare plants," Neville put in with a smile. "I would like to know which ones and maybe see if I can get my hands on one or two."

"I wouldn't mind looking at some of their weird runes," Harry added.

"I think it could be a laugh to read, but fun," Ron felt like he should contribute as well.

"YOU HAVE TEN MINUTES BEFORE YOU NEED TO LEAVE FOR YOUR FIRST LESSON! CAW! FINISH YOUR TEA! CAW!"

"I hope it keeps its mouth shut during class because I don't fancy getting another detention because my nanny bird cannot keep be quiet!" Harry wailed.

"I would love to see a showdown between your automaton and Snape's remote," Seamus chuckled. "Let's see which one shouts the most."

"I am betting on the bird," Dean replied immediately.

###########################################################################

Blaise and Millicent were pleased with themselves for a total of four hours. The entire day they had gotten covert compliments from the other members of the graffiti club about their design that they had used on the Dark Tower. A few of the half-bloods and Muggleborns amongst the group had compared it to a "Symbiot", whatever that was – the Slytherins took is as a compliment.

They would never admit it to anyone, especially not their friends, but the pair had been extremely relieved when Ferrars and Kingsley had come to find them in the library during lunch.

Blaise, Millie, Draco, Theo, Daphne, Pansy, Vincent and Gregory were studying at the table in the back of the library; Theo and Daphne were focusing on Ancient Runes, Vincent and Gregory were going through Care of Magical Creatures, Pansy was working her way through McGonagall's homework, Draco was staring pensively at his book, and Blaise and Millicent were both focusing on Defence.

"Are you sure you have green in your robes, or do you secretly have blue underneath there?"

The snarky comment from Ferrars had made the group jump out of their skin. When they recovered, Daphne and Pansy quietly bristled in annoyance while Blaise and Millie lit up. It was Theo who answered.

"I think we can all agree that the colour of one's robes doesn't always tell one everything."

"Right you are," Ferrars smirked. "Theodore Nott, if I am not mistaken."

"Benjamin Ferrars," Theo answered coolly. "What are you two Lions doing here? Don't you have an Art lesson to get to?"

"Yes, but Professor Bitterblossom is running late, as always," Kingsley answered with a sigh. "Plus, she's obsessed with Renaissance Art, so I doubt we will be doing anything remotely exciting. Besides, we are here to offer our congratulations to your friends."

"For what?" Daphne demanded.

"We have a little competition that's ongoing," Ferrars' eyes glinted brightly. "So far, Zabini and Bulstrode are in the lead, given how well the artwork is hidden right in plain sight."

Draco's head shot up in an instant. "What have they done? What artwork?"

Blaise and Millicent tried to look as innocent as they could manage as their friends turned to give them a pointed look; Vincent and Gregory started snickering.

Ferrars' eyes continued to sparkle with mischief. "If you ask nicely, I might let you lend my glasses, Malfoy."

"Glasses? What glasses? … Not those hideous pink ones with no proper structure to them?" Pansy paled, remembering seeing some of the Ravens, Badgers and Lions with a pair of ridiculous-looking pink spectacles.

Ferrars and Kingsley smirked; Draco, Pansy, Theo and Daphne sighed in unison. That was all the answer they needed! What had Blaise and Pansy done that required those clownish things?

Unfortunately for Blaise and Millie, it seemed that not everyone in the graffiti club were good at keeping an eye on their own belongings. Neither the two Slytherins, nor the two leaders of the secret graffiti club know how, but at least three of those glasses were left behind or dropped and had been found by a few first years.

These first years had worn these funny glasses around school and they had at some point come across the Dark Tower and had looked up – they stared at the Tower with their mouths wide open, practically catching flies. The children had rapidly removed the glasses from their face in order to make sure that they were not simply seeing things. This would normally have not been too much of a problem, but the issue was they had been seen acting a little strangely by Professors Slughorn and Snape.

"Children! What are you doing? It is lunch; you should be having fun, not gawking at the heavens," the Potions Master called jovially.

"And do not think about lying to us," the Head of Slytherin added coldly, giving the children a pointed look.

Out of fear of Snape and his remote, and because Slughorn was genuinely nice, the first years had exchanged a look and two of them had taken the glasses off and handed them to their teachers, pointing at the Tower.

Slughorn and Snape had exchanged raised eyebrows before taking the glasses, putting them on their faces and looked up at the Tower. The teachers blinked ten times very rapidly, put the glasses off and on again rapidly in disbelief, looked at each other in disbelief and then promptly turned on their heels, and headed straight for the Headmaster's office.

When they finally got to the Headmaster's Tower and the gargoyle let them through, the two teachers found that Dumbledore was contentedly knitting patterned socks from one of his magazines. "Yes … then like this … under here … I think this chicken looks more like a crow … oh dear …"

"Albus!" Slughorn called.

Dumbledore dropped his knitting in shock and looked up sharply, before lighting up. "Horace and Severus! To what do I owe this rare pleasure during lunch?"

"Headmaster, someone has graffitied the Dark Tower!" Severus hissed angrily. "They used some kind of paint that makes the image invisible until one puts these ridiculous glasses on!"

The Head of Slytherin held up the funny pink glasses.

"Oh, indeed?" Dumbledore frowned, getting to his feet. "Well, let me have a look and we will see what needs to be done."

The Potions and Defence professor exchanged a look that clearly translated to, "I hope he actually wants to do something about this", and they followed their boss out of his office and towards the Dark Tower. When the staff members got there, they found an even bigger group of students – all with those glasses on their faces – pointing at the Tower and chatting away excitedly.

"Hello, my children! I have been told something potentially amusing has happened to the Tower," Dumbledore called jovially. The students parted quicker than the Red Sea, sobering quite quickly, especially when they saw Professor Snape.

None of them fancied being targeted by his remote.

Dumbledore was whistling happily as he put the glasses on his face and gazed through them at the Tower. The Headmaster blinked a few times at the creepy face that had been painted onto the front of the Dark Tower, runes glowing ominously, and then he started chuckling heartily. "Ho, ho, I see some of our students got a little too creative again! I must say the design is very unique – I never knew the Tower was missing something. I admit it was very dark and dreary …"

"Headmaster!" Snape protested, paling. "You cannot be serious!"

"Indeed, my name is Albus," Dumbledore quipped back happily. "I think we have given poor Argus enough to deal with right now and let's be fair, we have no idea who had the creativity and the dedication to pull this off. Severus, you can look at me like that but it's true. I am pretty sure it isn't Mr. Potter, considering he is too busy sending presents to Tom's men. Pus, it is invisible unless one wears these fabulous glasses. So, for now we leave it be – and I would appreciate it if no one spoke a word to Minerva about this."

Slughorn blinked in disbelief. "But-"

"Horace, one has to learn to have a little fun in the world, even when the world looks dark and bleak," Dumbledore responded sagely, smiling serenely and his eyes twinkling. "Let the children be children while they still can."

Slughorn and Snape quietly despaired while the students were attempting not to laugh in their teachers' faces. While Slughorn went to pre-emptively prepare his next class in order to distract himself from a growing headache, Snape decided finally enough was enough and went to find the two potential culprits from his own Snake Pit.

The double agent found the two purebloods in question in the library with their friends, talking to Ashley Kingsley and Benjamin Ferrars. Snape would never say this out loud to anyone – and steadfastly deny it if he was ever asked about them – but those two were rare examples of competent and tolerable Gryffindors. It helped that both Kingsley and Ferrars were skilled in Potions, but their work was genuinely well-done at almost every turn.

When the group noticed Snape approach, they all immediately sat and stood to attention.

Snape's countenance allowed for a miniscule smile to form. "Good afternoon," he stated silkily. "Might I have a word with Mr. Zabini and Miss. Bulstrode in my office?"

Blaise and Millicent paled a little but didn't dare to disobey. Theo, Daphne and Draco looked very satisfied, while the others looked a little worried.

The two Slytherins followed their Head of House out of the library and up to the Defence class and to his new office. Blaise and Millicent had the decency to look absolutely terrified; Snape was not in a good mood.

"Close the door and sit down," he ordered coolly.

Blaise and Millicent complied and soon developed an interest in the top of Snape's desk.

"Do you know why I have decided to speak with you?" he demanded.

"We have an inkling, sir," Millicent was the one brave enough to answer.

"An inkling, Miss Bulstrode? Pray, enlighten me to what you think that 'inkling' is?" Snape raised an eyebrow.

"Our new hobby," Blaise plucked up the courage to answer.

"Correct," Snape responded crisply. His eyes darkened. "What in the name of Morgana and Mordred possessed the two of you to defile the Hufflepuff dungeon and then to plaster that image onto the Dark Tower?"

"The honest to Merlin truth, sir?" Millicent wanted to know.

"If you please!"

"We were bored," Blaise replied easily with a small shrug. "In the case of the Tower, that was also for fun."

Snape's already dark eyes somehow turned blacker than they already were. There was steam practically coming out of his ears when he drew his remote from his cloak and pointed it at the pair of them.

"YOU FOOLS! I HAVE MET MORE INTELLIGENT BLOBFISH!"

Blaise and Millicent winced at this. Snape raised an eyebrow. "I assume that you had an accomplice or two that helped you. Who were they?"

The two Slytherins exchanged a look for a moment before they answered, keeping their eyes firmly fixed onto the desk. "No one, sir," Millicent answered. "We bought everything ourselves and picked the Dark Tower because we felt like it. No one helped us do anything; no one else was involved."

The double agent's eyes narrowed. "And you swear on this, on pain of two months detention and helping Horace with his cleaning?"

The two teenagers gulped inaudibly but they both nodded their head emphatically. Snape wanted to growl with frustration; they were clearly covering up for something but he knew that the only way at this point to get the information, was through the use of Legilimency.

Not something he liked to use on his own students. That was a sure-fire way to break their trust.

"Ten points from Slytherin, each," Snape decided, causing Blaise and Millicent's eyes to widen. "I will keep your secret for now, but if you get caught by any of the other teachers – including Minerva McGonagall – I will not save you and I will personally write to your parents on what have you been up to. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir!" Blaise and Millicent chorused.

Snape gave a curt nod. "Good. Dismissed!"

As Blaise and Millicent fled from the office, Snape dropped his mask and chuckled to himself quietly. He hated to admit it, but the giant creature that the pair had painted onto the Tower, was really well done and really did add some character to that boring looking Tower.

Snape soon sneered to himself.

Brilliant, I am turning as senile as dear old Albus.

###########################################################################

Voldemort decided that he would need a holiday very soon. His morning routine consisted once more of dressing, dodging werewolves with NERF guns, trying not to trip over the electric slot cars and the kittens chasing them and attempting to block out his two snakes, who were discussing how best to sort through potential mates.

*Letters are not a good idea and portraits and photos can be messed with,* Nagini complained.

*Well for Tom that might actually be a good thing!* Thalia giggled. *But you are absolutely right, Nagini. Perhaps we should ask Mr. Macnair to write to the Potter hatchling and ask for some more ideas?*

Why me? Voldemort lamented to himself.

Because pissing you off is funny.

Voldemort's eyes were red in seconds. So now you bother to be annoying!

The Dark Lord could practically feel the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Try-And-Make-Everyone's-Life-A-Little-More-Difficult roll his eyes. Geez, I can never win with you. Either I am an irritating flea and you want me gone, or you start getting pissy because you're upset that I am not immediately paying attention to you in class. You do realise I would rather not slice into my finger in Potions?

I do, I just do not care, Voldemort retorted petulantly.

Considering you got Wormtail to slice off his own hand in order to obtain a new body, I would say not, Harry sassed back.

Voldemort actually snorted a little. The idiot was simply supposed to slice off another finger, not his whole hand, the idiot!

So, even that he got wrong. Why didn't you ask Barty to do the ritual? At least he was remotely competent. I am almost sorry he was taken back to Azkaban and was Kissed, Voldemort didn't quite know whether to worry about the fact that Harry genuinely sounded sorry that Barty Crouch Junior was gone.

You do remember that he was your enemy, yes? Voldemort decided to check just how far Harry was gone.

Yes, but he was also one of the most competent teachers we have ever had and was genuinely interesting to listen to. He took us Dugbog hunting and was one of the only teachers to help Neville with his plant passion, Harry informed happily.

The Dark Lord was lost for words.

By the way, tell Nagini and Thalia I will try and find a way for them to sort through potential mates for you. Now the Brat sounded waaaaay too happy!

Voldemort scowled. I am reminded of how much I hate you.

Wait, you FORGOT you hate me?! Hahahahaha! You really are going senile, Grandpa.Voldemort bristled but before he could make a come-back, the Brat was already gone again and the Dark Lord was forced to deal with his over-excited Death Eaters and the happy, chatty werewolves.

He decided to try and focus on Balthazar's conversation with Corban, Lucius and Avery Senior.

Corban was peeling a mandarin. "What do you think the Potter boy has sent to Mad-Eye? Surely whatever the child does, it will fail the moment it enters a nearby corridor due to that stupid eye of Moody's?"

"I have no idea, but I am pretty sure that boy could be diabolical enough to try and find a way around the eye," Balthazar answered, chuckling as he sipped his breakfast smoothie. "Plus, I doubt that Moody expects anything Muggle to be delivered to him! I think the shock might make his eye fall out of his socket."

"Ewwww. We're still eating, you know," Lucius complained, pulling a face.

Avery Senior chuckled. "I would pay good money to see it."

"Well, I do hope it gets done today," Corban sighed. "I am heading off to the Ministry soon and Moody is currently there as a liaison for Amelia Bones and her damn meddlesome Aurors, so I am going to have to put up with pretending that I do not want to hex that eye of his out of his face."

"So I take it your cover is still intact, Corban?" Balthazar smirked. "That does surprise me, considering how quickly stress makes you get your rashes."

Coran Yaxley bristled visibly, his face turning rather red, and was about to make a retort when Avery Senior got a little annoyed with the person next to him. "Walden, for Merlin's sake, could you please stop vibrating like you're waiting for a letter from your lady friend? I am sure Jehoshaphat will be back soon – now, calm down!"

"But what if something went wrong?" Macnair asked anxiously, poking his fruit salad with his fork. "What if Jehoshaphat got angry at another hawk and decided to chase it all the way to the Isle of Man again?"

"Then you need a Mind Healer for your owl," Balthazar commented with a smirk.

"I think your owl is fine," Crystal Holland added as she smeared jam onto her toast. "He could just have been housed with the other owls at that castle because it was too late to send him back."

"Owls are nocturnal, wolf!" Macnair snorted.

"Yeah, but Harry Potter and his friends are strange," Avery Junior pointed out.

"What's that, Mr. Mupples? Jehoshaphat was kept at Hogwarts? The wolfie is right? … What do you mean, keep an eye on the window?"

Taptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptap!

Right on cue, there was a vigorous, vexed tapping sound on one of the windows; everyone immediately turned around to see what the noise was about. The Dark side spotted Jehoshaphat very quickly. The owl was fuming and pecking at the panes as though he were taking all his frustration out on the poor window.

"Wow, he really does not look happy," Beynon commented.

"I wonder if Potter and his friends have bandaged hands," Fenrir smirked.

Macnair lit up at seeing the bird; Voldemort waved his hand, opening the window immediately. The malevolent owl landed first in front of his Wizard, holding out the leg with the one letter on it. As soon as Macnair had untied the letter, Jehoshaphat hopped over to Dolohov, who grinned broadly, and then to Rowle,who was abjectly surprised that he was getting a letter too.

"I wonder who won," Izzy stated to Rookwood quietly.

"Me too," the Unspeakable whispered back to the little wolf.

Macnair was the one who had opened his letter first.

Macnair,

I have no idea how you're going to find out about this, but my friends and I have come up with a prank that could possibly work in catching Moody off-guard. I have no idea if it will work or if that pesky eye will catch it in time but I have my finger's crossed that it won't catch on until it is too late.

Issue is, I have no way of knowing if the prank has worked or not and I don't dare to use any of the scrying methods Trelawney is teaching us at the moment; we sent the things to the Ministry because we know he works their part time in some sort of liaison role. You lot don't happen to have a spy or five in the Ministry who could pass on the information?

Civil regards,

Harry

P.S. Sorry for keeping Jehoshaphat at Hogwarts. McGonagall was about to flay us all alive because of Dolohov and Rowle's confetti bomb boxes and we decided it was best to take your familiar along with us just in case. He wasn't very happy about that; I think I am about to get a few more scratches on my hands.

P.P.S. Could you ask your little Ministry spies to poison Umbridge's tea if my prank has worked to your satisfaction?

Macnair, though entertained by the letter, had to read the P.P.S twice to make sure he wasn't going mad. His flummoxed expression was noted by almost everyone, including Voldemort, who frowned in thought.

"Walden, what isss it?" the Dark Lord demanded.

"Potter has requested that if the prank on Mad-Eye has worked to my satisfaction, if our people in the Ministry could poison the tea of Dolores Umbridge," Macnair replied, shaking his head in disbelief.

"The Senior Undersecretary to the Minister?" Yaxley frowned. "Why would Potter want her poisoned?"

"I think he must be joking," Amycus snorted. "The boy doesn't have it in him to kill."

Mr. Mupples disagreed, judging by the bobbing and the rapid changing of the images on his etch-a-sketch. The issue was, the images were going by so quickly that the Death Eaters and the werewolves could not tell what he was saying. Fortunately, they had a translator.

"Mr. Mupples, what do you mean your papa hates her for good reason?" Bellatrix frowned. "Mmm … Mmmhmm … what do you mean she bullied the kiddies? What do you mean she used detentions to hurt them?!"

Narcissa paled at hearing this immediately, as did the other Death Eater parents. They didn't notice anything on their children – did the Inquisitorial Squad avoid those detentions? How did that creepy pink witch hurt the children?

"Mr. Mupples, you're talking too fast, slow down!" Bella wailed.

Rodolphus pinched the bridge of his nose and was about to make a comment when Rabastan, who sensed the danger, shoved an apple into his mouth, forcing his older brother to focus on chomping and chewing instead of causing another argument with Bella.

Voldemort frowned. "I will get to the bottom of thisss later-"

Suddenly, the room was filled by the sound of sad trombone noises; Dolohov had opened his letter and as soon as he had opened the envelope, the noises had begun. While Rowle, Rabastan, Mulciber, Macnair and Rookwood laughed along with the werewolves, the rest of the group had very nearly jumped out of their skin. Thalia and Nagini giggled at their expense.

*I don't think Antonin has won,* Thalia commented.

Antonin took out the letter, a little red in the face, and began to read.

Dolohov,

I regret to inform you that this round of BattleBox, goes to Rowle. Simply because his stupid raven automaton is actually rather good because of the fact it is annoying every moment of every day; I barely drink tea. It did manage to piss off a quarter of the House who drink tea and used the tea set because they thought it was the new dorm tea set! One of the cups threatened to commit suicide because a kid likes Darjeeling! It was difficult to decide, I admit.

I hope you try again though. Practise makes perfect!

Harry

P.S. I liked your confetti show the best.

P.P.S. If you want some incentive, if you send a prank that's better than the tea set I will let you pick the next target from the Order. Moody is off the table because he's already been targeted; let's keep things interesting!

Antonin scowled and clenched his jaw.

He had lost! OK, it seemed that his prank did manage to have some effect but it didn't have the effect that Antonin had been aiming for.

No, he was not happy about that at all.

Next to him, Rowle was beaming. He had opened his letter, a fanfare noise blurting out into the air with rainbow confetti being spewed out onto the table, much to chagrin of everyone else. Rowle read his letter while trying to ignore the dirty look Antonin was giving him.

Rowle,

I think you may have noticed that it has been decided that you have won the little BattleBox competition between you and Dolohov, on the account that YOUR DAMN RAVEN IS AN ANNOYING NANNY BIRD! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?! I have no idea what you did to program this damn thing but I hate to admit it, but it's bloody effective. Right now, it keeps complaining that I am taking too long to write my letters. I had half a mind to turn this letter into a flipping Howler but that was vetoed by Ron, for once, because he thought it was a bit much. I disagree, but there we are.

So, you are a target for the next prank; I really hope you hate it, you prick.

Harry

P.S. Your confetti covered everyone – including Jehoshaphat and McGonagall. We escaped from McGonagall before we could be turned into cushions and sat on for that. It was great to see but our lives did flash before our eyes for a moment.

Rowle grinned brightly. "I win!" he announced.

"Yeah, we thought as much," Alecto commented wryly.

"Shut up," Antonin growled sulkily. "At least my confetti display was better than yours!"

"It's the prank that counts, my friend," Rowle responded triumphantly.

The Russian's eyes glowed dangerously, causing Rowle to gulp a little.

"Antonin, you can prank the boy again. Don't be such a wet blanket," Amycus huffed.

"No one asked for your opinion, Amy," Antonin retorted.

Thalia started tittering, causing Voldemort to immediately brace himself for another set of poor puns and jokes.

*Antonin is a little waspish today, Nagini. Hey, that reminds me. Why did the Muggle spies torture a Russian wasp?*

*I have no idea, Thalia. Tell me!*

*Because he was a cagey bee agent.*

Wow, Voldemort sobbed internally.

Unfortunately it seemed that the young ball python had been dying to make fun of Dolohov because Thalia had another joke lined up.

*Hey, Nagini, Antonin had trouble getting into his holiday home in Russia not long ago.*

*Was it because he was still in Azkaban?*

*No, but he had to call a locksmith because he lost his Siberian Housekey.*

Voldemort had his head in his hands at this point; the other Death Eaters didn't pay them too much attention.

"I am sure you will get the boy next time," Mulciber told Dolohov placatingly. "Besides, let Thorfinn savour this victory. He hasn't been a target yet for the boy – I am sure he was waiting for the boy to remember he exists!"

"I'm not," Jugson and Travers commented in unison.

"That's because the two of you are party poopers," Avery Senior told them brightly.

"I hope the boy ignores us for a little while longer," Crabbe Senior made a rare comment. "I dread to think what he would think up for the parents of his school rivals."

"That begs the question, what is the boy going to send Thorfinn?" Rookwood pondered.

"Maybe a Thor's hammer?" Izzy suggested.

"Or a miniature Viking long boat?" Lydia Roden added.

"Would be a little lazy," Yaxley sniffed, causing Rowle to scowl at him.

Thalia quickly caught onto the new Viking theme of the group chat because she started giggling. *Hey Nagini, do you think the Potter hatchling will send Thorfinn a dog?*

*Why a dog? We have the werewolves,* Nagini commented, cocking her head.

*Because Thorfinn doesn't have a Great Dane yet!*

*Thalia, that one was awful!* Voldemort responded candidly.

*OK, Lord Grumpy-mort, let's try this one: how does one best treat Thorfinn's itchy red eyes?*

Nagini lit up. *No clue; tell us, Thalia!*

*Tyr drops.*

Voldemort wailed internally in despair as his snakes giggled away, praying to Morgana to give him an iota of strength.

"I still think that the boy is going to send something dreadful – MERCIFUL MORGANA!" Alecto, along with half of the Inner Circle and werewolves, jumped out of her skin as she noticed suddenly that the dreaded Teddy Ruxpin had appeared out of nowhere next to Mr. Mupples.

There was a laughing-until-crying face drawn onto the etch-a-sketch at that point.

"Mr. Mupples, it is not funny! Teddy Ruxpin needs to learn to announce his arrival," Bella scolded lightly, though she was looking very amused as well.

"How the fuck … I thought I had locked that bear in a box!" Lysander Avery wailed. "I swear I locked it!"

The bear turned to him at this point. "I don't like the dark. The dark makes me feel scared. Have you ever felt scared? You can tell me your secrets …"

A chill ran around the room as the Teddy Ruxpin spoke. The young werewolves were hiding behind their adult of choice; Rookwood looked set to hex the creepy teddy as Izzy hid behind his chair, quivering in fright. Unlike the rest, the former Unspeakable drew his wand and fired a minor jinx at the plushie. It hit the bear square on, knocking him onto his back.

"That really hurts! Has anyone ever hurt you? You can tell me anything…"

"Augustus, why would you do that?!" Travers complained.

Rookwood sneered at him but gulped when he spotted Mr. Mupples turning ominously onto him, a frowny face drawn on his etch-a-sketch. Bellatrix was cackling. "Yes, Mr. Mupples, that was not very nice of Augustus."

"I really hope that Potter knows a way to make the thing less creepy," Macnair commented as they watched the bear somehow make itself sit up right again.

"I like telling stories. I know a few but can't remember them right now. Do you like telling stories?" Teddy Ruxpin had unfortunately turned to Macnair at this point.

"Hey, Walden, could you bring those singing Thestral plushies of yours next time?" Rabastan asked nervously. "Please?"

"Trust me, was already planning on it," Macnair reassured.

"Ha … ha … ha … ha …"

*Merciful Python!* Thalia and Nagini hissed in horror. *It's laughing!*

Voldemort tried not to gulp as he rose to his feet. "You are all dismissssssed for the day. Yaxley, keep your eyesss open for the Brat'sss prank to Moody."

Yaxley bowed swiftly. "Yes, my Lord!"

Bellatrix happily gathered Mr. Mupples, Teddy Ruxpin and the etch-a-sketch and practically skipped out of the room to continue her How Best To Torture Muggles plan, much to the relief of everyone.

Dolohov, Mulciber, Avery Senior, Rodolphus, Rabastan and Rookwood took Gatewatch that day. Mulciber and Avery Senior took over from the Carrows, who were working on a potential new curriculum for Hogwarts should everything go according to plan, and the Dark gained control over the school. While most of them were trying to shake off the fear that that damn teddy bear instilled in them, Dolohov was still sulking away.

"Huh, no wolves outside today," Rabastan remarked, looking around him.

"Looking for a particular wolf, Basti?" Rodolphus teased.

The youngest Lestrange flushed red. "No!"

"Uh-huh," Rookwood smirked. "And if I told you that I got to know from an impeccable source that he likes you too?"

Rabastan's red colour deepened. "I have no idea who you are talking about."

"Sure you don't," Avery Senior rolled his eyes. "We were not born yesterday, Rabastan. Everyone sees it; maybe except for Fenrir, but he makes a Dugbog look like a Casanova and is as blind as a bat when it comes to feelings."

Rabastan gulped.

"How about you ask Reed to spend some time with you?" Mulciber suggested happily. "A movie night or something? Potter sent the snakes some pretty decent movies in an effort to help them set up Tom – or play a game or two together."

"And have you lot lurking outside the door? I think not!" Rabastan snorted.

"Ah! You're not denying you like him, though!" Avery Senior noted triumphantly. He began frowning ponderingly. "Perhaps we should ask Potter to send us something that gets the two of you out of the house for a bit …"

Rabastan did a facepalm. Dolohov's good mood was soured.

"I still cannot believe that I lost to Thorfinn's stupid mechanical bird!" he complained.

"Thorfinn is a skilled Galvanist; you must have known he was going to do everything in his power to win," Rookwood pointed out with a smirk. "Your skills in Spell Creation are beyond reproach, but you had to know an automaton is more eye-catching than a talking tea set."

Dolohov pouted a little but then looked incredibly determined. "Guess I am going to have to make something even better the next time!"

"Yeah well, I would first like my turn to try and get my own back at the little earthworm," Rodolphus growled, eyes dancing dangerously. "I am going to make him regret ever sending those damn Pet Monsters here!"

"What? An eye for an eye; he made you jealous, so now you make him jealous?" Avery Senior rolled his eyes.

"No, not him," Rodolphus smirked at this point. "His owl."

"Hedwig?" Rookwood frowned. "But she hasn't done anything!"

"Well, I hadn't done anything to the Brat to deserve the ignominy of seeing my wife fawn over a fricking plushie!" Rodolphus exploded.

"To be fair, Mr. Mupples was adopted by Bella – she wasn't the target," Rabastan pointed out carefully.

"And how do you propose to make Hedwig jealous?" Dolohov added with a raised eyebrow and a small sneer.

"The same way Potter tried to make our Lord jealous," Rodolphus responded. "Another owl."

"Oh Merlin," Mulciber pinched the bridge of his nose. He raised his head. "May I ask where in Mordred's name do you propose to get another owl from? Diagon Alley?"

"Yes, I was actually," the eldest Lestrange confirmed with a raised eyebrow. "Eyelops Owl Emporium has the best selection."

"You are going to have to catch our Lord in a very good mood in order to be let out of the Manor to pull this off," Rookwood laughed shortly, shaking his head. "I hope this is worth a Boglin to you, because that is very likely what you will end up with if this goes wrong!"

Rodolphus was about to reply when the tell-tale sounds of engines could be heard approaching the Manor.

The Death Eaters stood to attention.

"Gentlemen, colours!" Rabastan stated, grinning.

"Red!" Dolohov and Rookwood chorused.

"White!" Mulciber and Rodolphus added.

"Brown!" Avery Senior responded jovially.

The Death Eaters watched as three white Amazon vans and a brown UPS van pulled up outside the gate. Dolohov and Rookwood scowled as Mulciber, Rodolphus and Avery Senior started chuckling. Today really was not Dolohov's day, it seemed!

It also seemed that luck was not on the Muggles' side either.

"What the … this place again!" one Amazon Muggle complained.

"Wait, you guys have been here before? Me too!" a second blanched.

The third snorted. "I almost got a heart attack from weird three teenagers on the wall when I first visited."

The UPS Muggle snorted. "Are you kidding me? It's the home owners that scare the crap out of me. Oh look, the guests have come to see us again. Hello there!"

"Hello!" the group called.

"For whom are the deliveries this time?" Rookwood added.

Out came the clipboards.

"I have a delivery for a Mr. Thorfinn Rowle!" one Amazon Muggle responded, trying not to laugh at the name on it.

"Urgh," Dolohov pulled a face.

"I have a delivery for a Mr. F. Greyback!" the second one answered.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, not again!" Rabastan pinched the bridge of his nose.

"That boy is going to lose his shoes," Mulciber agreed.

The Muggles continued.

"I have a delivery for a Mr. B. Mulciber!"

There was a moment of stunned silence; Mulciber was the first to recover, brightening up in an instant.

"For me?!" the Death Eater sounded like a kid who got a gift from Santa.

"Yes, sir!"

"Oh fuck me, Potter knows Balthazar exists," Avery Senior paled. "This is not good. Not good at all."

The final Muggle added. "Sirs, I have a delivery for a Mr. Wormtail but I have to admit, I need to get these inside as quickly as possible because I am dealing with perishables here!"

"Oh boy," was all Rabastan could comment.

"What in Merlin's name has Wormtail gotten this time?!" Rodolphus added, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I dread to think," Mulciber paled a little.

"We're about to find out," Dolohov grinned. He then called to the Muggles. "Do you know the drill already?"

"Yes, sir!"

BBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!

"PRANK TIME!" the wolves howled excitedly as they ran towards the parlour from all corners of Malfoy Manor, very nearly sending Death Eaters and kittens flying in their fervour. Fenrir, Reed, Hannah and several of the older werewolves tried to quickly direct the younger ones out of someone's path, especially when kittens were involved.

Lucius had run out of good spirits – at long last – and was thus trying to combat his anxiety using one of the werewolves' squeaky balls but unfortunately it wasn't doing the trick. Narcissa looked set to hit him around the head but she kept herself composed, especially since the Dark Lord was quick to follow behind the wolves.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy!" they heard the Muggles call from the silver orb.

"Which of my guests have gotten deliveries this time?" Narcissa demanded coolly.

The list began.

"I have a delivery for a Mr. Thorfinn Rowle, ma'am!"

Rowle could not help but smirking.

"I have a delivery for a Mr. B. Mulciber who is standing on your front path, ma'am!"

The Death Eaters were stunned into silence at this.

"I have a delivery for a Mr. F. Greyback-"

"RIGHT THAT IS IT! I AM GOING TO TEAR THAT VAN UP PIECE BY STINKING PIECE!"

The alpha of the largest werewolf pack in Great Britain was soon trying to march out of the parlour, but quickly found himself being restrained by his Beta, Hannah, Crystal, Lydia, Rhydian and two of the kids – Sebastian and Izzy had wrapped themselves around Fenrir's legs.

"LET ME GO!" Fenrir snarled.

"Sorry, Alpha, we do not want an angry Voldie-mort on our hands!" Izzy responded primly, causing a quiet chuckle to run around the Death Eaters.

The last Muggle added, "Mrs. Malfoy, I have a delivery for a Mr. Wormtail – and I do need to get these boxes out as soon as possible because I am dealing with perishables!"

Fenrir stopped struggling, growling.

"Wormtail again," Jugson sneered.

"It should be fun to see what the boy has sent that rat this time," Avery Junior smirked.

"I hope it makes him faint again," Amycus put in, his eyes gleaming evilly.

Narcissa had waved her hand, letting the Muggles in. The UPS van sped in, causing the Death Eaters on the path to jump quickly out of the way. The Muggle raced to open the back of his van, quickly piling out strange wooden boxes – they were not made of cardboard. Rabastan and Rookwood went to help him. Inside the parlour, the Dark side watched as thirty of those boxes were unloaded. The UPS Muggle bowed his head in thanks to the two Death Eaters, before speeding off again.

The Amazon Muggles had not been as fast. One Amazon Muggle unloaded thirty boxes, the second unloaded twenty-five and the third unloaded fifteen. Rowle was quietly curious which ones were his while Fenrir looked set to try and chase the Muggles from the premises; fortunately, his wolves noticed and were at the ready to grab him again.

Thalia tittered at this. *Hey Nagini, I think it is safe to say that the wolves will have had their daily exercise after this.*

*Oh? Why do you say that, Thalia?*

*Because they have been doing jumping wolves!*

*Merlin and Morgana, give me patience,* Voldemort muttered. He tried to distract himself by looking to Lysander Avery. "Lysssander, bring Wormtail here at once!"

The young Avery jumped to it immediately. It took him longer than he thought to collect the Rat Animagus, because the dirty coward had tried to turn into his rat form and escape into the bloody pipes. Fortunately, Lysander had been quicker on the draw and had managed to Stun Wormtail and turn him back into a human before levitating his sorry butt back to the parlour.

Alecto and Amycus were the first to notice their colleague bringing the Rat Animagus in; the pair started cackling.

"It seems Wormy tried to worm his way out of this," Alecto sneered.

"And failed miserably, as always," Amycus added snarkily.

Voldemort pulled a face of disgust as he waved his hand, waking Wormtail up with a nonverbal spell. The Rat Animagus sat up abruptly, looked about him rapidly and when he saw his vexed master, paled dangerously.

"You are lucky Potter'ssss targeted you," Voldemort hissed. "He will make you sssuffer more than you dessserve!"

"Merlin, Mordred, Morgana and all the fairies of Avalon, this box stinks!" Rabastan complained as the Death Eaters who had been outside brought a few boxes inside. The young Lestrange was levitating his in while holding his nose.

The werewolves too caught a scent of something and their hands immediately went to their noses as Rookwood brought a box over to Mulciber and Dolohov grumpily brought Rowle's box over to his best friend. Rodolphus tried not to flinch as Fenrir glared at him.

"Ewwwww! That box stinks worse than Rhydian's running shoes!" Lydia complained.

"And the boys' closets," Crystal added, pulling a disgusted look.

"Hey!" Rhydian and his fellow male werewolves protested.

"It smells of manky cheese!" Sebastian, Izzy and several of the kids chorused.

"Wormtail, open the box!" Voldemort decided it was best to get rid of the 'smelly box' first in order to still the wolves.

The Rat Animagus gulped but knew better than to disobey; he was already on thin ice. He used a spell to lift the lid off the wooden crate, and two seconds later, a pungent odour wafted up into the parlour that had every member of the Inner Circle holding their noses and trying not to gag. Voldemort had to put both of his hands over his flat nose; it was revolting!

"The boy is trying to poison us!" Jugson grumbled.

Bellatrix too had her hand over her nose. "Yes, Mr. Mupples, your papa sent a very stinky present! What do you mean we need to ask the elves to get some crackers?"

*Has the Potter hatchling sent mouldy cheese or something?* Thalia quibbled.

Wormtail, nose fully pinched, peered into the box and his eyes widened. It seemed that the comments about cheese had been eerily accurate! The Rat Animagus started lifting out whole cheeses with different names: Stinking Bishop, camembert, Ami Du Chambertin, Limburger, Raclette, Roquefort, Livarot Munster, Tomme de Chevre, and Vieux Lille.

"Oh by Kilgharrah's unholy farts!" Reed exclaimed, the Death Eaters very amused that the werewolf had picked up a magical swear phrase. "No wonder the box fucking reeks to high heaven! Those are some of the smelliest cheeses in England and Europe!"

"Get rid of them!" Lucius wailed. "They're stinking up my parlour."

"Ewwww, this one smells of mould," Narcissa groaned, poking the Roquefort with the tip of her wand. "What is that green nonsense growing on it?"

"Mould!" several werewolves chorused. "That cheese uses the mould to age."

As soon as they did, Lord and Lady Malfoy paled dangerously and, before anyone could do anything to help them, they simultaneously fainted.

"Great," Rabastan huffed. "Has anyone got a fan?"

"A fan?" Travers blinked at him. "I think all this Muggle shit has gone to your head, Basti – use a spell!"

Rabastan turned a very bright red. "Ah yes, silly me."

Whilst the youngest Lestrange went to wake up their hosts, Voldemort turned distastefully to Wormtail. "Take the cheessssesss and give them to the elvesss. They will know what to do with them!"

"Y-y-y-yes, m-m-my L-Lord," Wormtail squeaked. The Rat Animagus packed the cheeses away and quickly as possible, grabbed the crate and ran out of the door as fast as his little legs could carry him.

The Dark Lord looked to Rowle. "Well, Thorfinn, let'sss ssstart with your box."

Rowle's box was open within seconds. The Death Eater peered in, praying it wasn't anything too horrendous, and frowned when he simply saw multi-coloured items of clothing. Rowle started to unpack them – there were different styles of shirts but they all had strange tie-dye patterns or seemingly no pattern at all.

Dolohov could not help but smirk a little at the mundane looking prank.

"This looks deceptively normal," Avery Senior commented with a frown.

"You kids know what these could be?" Rookwood asked the young wolves.

"Nope! They look like normal T-shirts to us," Sebastian informed him, the others shaking their heads.

"I say we simply try them on for a day and see what happens," Crystal suggested with a grin.

"Oh, you think the shirts need to be worn for something to happen?" Macnair lit up at hearing that.

"Well, I am going to give it a try," Rowle stated, closing his box.

Voldemort then turned to the one person amongst his followers that he called his friend. "Balthazar, you next."

Mulciber lit up and drew his wand. One Cutting Charm later, the box was open and, one of the Original Knights peered inside. Mulciber frowned to himself, feeling utterly nonplussed, as he started packing out these different boxes with a very common theme: magic set, magic show, magic tricks, illusions. All of them looked like they were meant for kids.

Judging by the excitement on the young and adolescent wolves' faces, that was indeed the case.

While Mulciber was processing what he had been sent – Muggle 'magic' equipment – his fellow Death Eaters were getting riled up on his behalf.

"That filthy little half-blood!" Alecto seethed. "What would Muggles know about true magic?!"

"The vile little cockroach needs to be put in his place!" Jugson agreed.

"I am going to enjoy dangling him by his ankles and flaying him alive!" Amycus joined in.

"I am helping Fenrir get the Brat's shoes!" Lysander fumed.

Lucius and Narcissa, who had been revived, looked set to faint again, much to Rabastan's chagrin.

"May I remind you that it isn't a good idea to say that out loud – oh would you look at that, Mr. Mupples wants to chop off your heads," Avery Senior huffed as he noticed the new image on the etch-a-sketch; Bellatrix was cackling maniacally.

Mulciber was too busy studying the contents of his prank to pay anyone any mind; Voldemort almost rolled his eyes fondly at this. Balthazar Mulciber had very nearly been Sorted into Ravenclaw during his time for a reason – the man could not resist a new challenge or knowing how something worked. He had enjoyed helping Rabastan make all their Muggle electronics run on magic.

Voldemort turned his attention onto the vibrating alpha. The Dark Lord sighed. "Fen-"

Once more, Voldemort did not even get to finish before the alpha's cardboard box was torn to shreds, the Inner Circle dodging the cardboard shrapnel. Fenrir took one look at the orange and white bottles in his box before he began roaring.

"I AM GOING TO FEED THIS BOY'S BODY TO THE PIGS WHEN I AM FINISHED WITH HIM!"

"Except the feet; they're getting buried," Dolohov had the nerve to comment.

"And his spleen is going to the Selkies," Macnair added.

"RRRROOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Everyone had their hands over their ears at this point; Mr. Mupples had his paws over his ears and a wincing face on his etch-a-sketch. The echo of Fenrir's once more could be heard by every werewolf on the island, including Remus, who was looking up from his knitting with a Cheshire cat smirk on his face.

"What has happened this time?" Hannah was the one brave enough to ask her alpha.

"THE BASTARD HAS SENT ME ANTI FLEA AND TICK SHAMPOO!"

Cue a cacophony of laughter, which made the vein in Fenrir's forehead pulse madly. Voldemort too tried his best to maintain a straight face. Unfortunately that didn't last long because Nagini commented, *you should use some, Tom. It might be a good repellent to the Potter hatchling, considering the amount of times you call him a flea.*

Fenrir was not done ranting and raving. "I NEED TO CHEW ON HIS SHOES! GET ME HIS DAMN SHOES – I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT!"

Lucius lit up. "I will send Nansi!"

It was at this point that Yaxley returned, wearing a rather odd expression on his countenance. On one hand, the Death Eater was in utter disbelief but on the other hand, he looked like he wanted to burst into peals of laughter.

"Corban! You're late; you missed Fenrir's latest outburst," Avery Senior informed good-naturedly.

"Well, I suppose I should apologise for that, but given what I have just seen … I may forego it," Yaxley sounded way too distant for everyone's liking.

Voldemort frowned. "Corban. What happened?"

"Potter's prank on Moody," Yaxley clarified, quietly chortling. "It worked better than one would have thought."

Everyone turned their attention onto him immediately.

-Flashback-

Yaxley had just come out of a meeting with the Head of the Wizengamot Administration Services, head already pounding from the tedium he was forced to endure in order to gather pertinent information for his Lord. There was a hub-bub as usual from all the Auror cubicles; most of the imbeciles were gossiping, drinking tea and procrastinating on their paper work.

Yaxley spotted Amelia Bones, Moody, Dawlish and Shacklebolt next to the desk of Nymphadora Tonks. As soon as Tonks, Moody and Shacklebolt noticed him staring, they gave him the stink-eye; Madam Bones gave him a curt nod but did not deign to pay him any more attention. Dawlish remained suitably stoic.

It was at this precise moment that the door to the Auror department opened and in hollered a very confused looking messenger, followed by two others. Each of them were carrying a cardboard box.

Yaxley had tried not to smirk at this point.

Madam Bones frowned. "What is the meaning of this? Why are you bringing those here?"

"They are for Mr. Moody, ma'am," one of the clerks responded nervously.

"Me?" Moody demanded. "Who brought them? Did you see their faces?"

"Yes, but we didn't recognise them. They were gone before we could get a name. We had to go to the front door to collect them," another of the clerks answered. "They all wore red T-shirts."

"Red t-shirts?" Tonks repeated with a frown.

"Well I wonder what is in there," Shacklebolt commented with an amused look.

"I can see what is in there – it looks like a bunch of potion bottles," Moody growled, drawing his wand. "Let's see what kind of Dark artefact has been sent."

Open went the box-

# SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THESE,
WHO AM I TO DISAGREE?
I TRAVEL THE WORLD AND THE SEVEN SEAS,
EVERYBODY'S LOOKING FOR SOMETHING,

SOME OF THEM WANT TO USE YOU,
SOME OF THEM WANT TO GET USED BY YOU,
SOME OF THEM WANT TO ABUSE YOU,
SOME OF THEM WANT TO BE ABUSED#

Instantly, one of those irritating songs Rabastan and the children had been listening to echoed around the room, making many Aurors jump out of their skins; a few of the cowards had ducked under their desks. Moody put a stop to it only on the second verse, unfortunately.

Tonks and Shacklebolt were clutching their sides laughing while Moody was going red in the face, his magical eye whizzing angrily in his socket. It seemed that whatever was in the box was no longer important because the ex Auror immediately turned his attention to the other two.

"Give me that," he ordered the female clerk, carrying box number two. He knew what was inside it: a fricking spa kit.

The witch gulped and did as she was told. One Cutting Charm later-

# THERE LIVED A CERTAIN MAN IN RUSSIA LONG AGO,
HE WAS BIG AND STRONG, IN HIS EYES A FLAMING GLOW,
MOST PEOPLED LOOKED AT HIM WITH TERROR AND WITH FEAR,
BUT TO MOSCOW CHICKS HE WAS SUCH A LOVELY DEAR,
HE COULD PREACH THE BIBLE LIKE A PREACHER, FULL OF ECSTASY AND FIRE,
BUT HE WAS ALSO THE KIND OF TEACHER WOMEN WOULD DESIRE,

RA-RA-RASPUTING, LOVER OF THE RUSSIAN QUEEN,
THERE WAS A CAT THAT REALLY WAS GONE,
RA-RA-RASPUTIN, RUSSIA'S GREATEST LOVE MACHINE,
IT WAS A SHAME HOW HE CARRIED ON! #

"What in Merlin's name is going on?!" Tonks shouted over the din.

Moody didn't answer; he silenced the song and then turned like a predator onto box number three. The clerk handed it over immediately; judging from the other two boxes, he really did not want to be in possession of the thing longer than necessary. Moody opened the third box.

A fanfare echoed around the room as rainbow confetti burst up into the air and then, just to make matters worse-

# I'M ONLY HAPPY WHEN IT RAINS,
I'M ONLY HAPPY WHEN IT'S COMPLICATED,
AND THOUGH I KNOW YOU CAN'T APPRECIATE IT,
I'M ONLY HAPPY WHEN IT RAINS,

YOU KNOW I LOVE IT WHEN THE NEWS IS BAD,
AND WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD TO FEEL SO SAD,
I AM ONLY HAPPY WHEN IT RAINS,

POUR YOUR MISERY DOWN,
POUR YOUR MISERY DOWN ON ME,
POUR YOUR MISERY DOWN,
POUR YOUR MISERY DOWN ON ME! #

Moody had just silenced the song when steam was coming out of his ears. "POTTER! YOU LITTLE VIPER! I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!"

Madam Bones blanched. "Alastor, what-"

"I NEED TO SPEAK TO DUMBLEDORE!"

Moody was gone before anyone could stop him.

-Flashback ends-

The Death Eaters and the werewolves were busy trying to calm down from another bout of manic giggling and laughing. Harry Potter had managed to dupe Moody's magical eye with those boobytraps of his!

"Oh I would have paid good money to see that for myself!" Dolohov commented the moment he could breathe again.

Rabastan looked over at Macnair, who was wiping the tears from his eyes. "Did the boy pass, Walden?" he asked jovially.

"Oh absolutely!" Macnair replied emphatically.

"That means Dolores Umbridge is going to end up with a poison in her tea," Lysander commented.

"I know I am going to sound like a killjoy, but I would like to know why Potter wants that woman poisoned," Mulciber stated once he had gathered enough breath.

"Agreed," Rookwood concurred. "Something is not right. The boy may be irritating, but he isn't unnecessarily violent. Plus Mr. Mupples said something about her hurting the students."

"I will ask the boy in my next letter," Macnair replied.

"Good," Voldemort hated to admit it, but he was curious about why his archnemesis had advocated for someone to be put to death. Perhaps the Saviour was not as Light as everyone thought him to be?

All the Dark Lord knew, was that there must be a good reason. For once.

Rodolphus bowed his head. "My Lord, may I have your permission to be the next person to send a prank to the Potter boy?"

Voldemort suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. "Very well, Rodolphusss. If it will help you sssort out your qualmsss with Mr. Mupplesss."

The eldest Lestrange flushed as people started giggling once more, this time at his expense. The laughter quickly turned into screaming when Teddy Ruxpin suddenly appeared amongst Rowle's T-shirts.

"HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"

*Can't we just throwing the damn thing into the fire at this point?* Nagini wailed.

*I doubt the fire would purge the demon within!* Thalia screamed back.

"HA! HA! HA! HA!"

It was at this point that Voldemort gave Lucius and Fenrir permission to chew up the boy's shoes.

##########################################################################

"I have an idea on how we can make these pranks more personal."

Harry, Ron, Dean, Seamus and Neville had been on the phone to Justin and Luna talking about Blaise Zabini and Millicent Bulstrode's new hobby when, much to their shock, Hermione and Ginny came bursting into their room. The boys jumped out of their skins, and were very happy they were still in their normal clothes.

"Hermione, have you gone completely barking mad?" Ron demanded. "Get out of our rooms! If we are not allowed in yours, you are not allowed in ours!"

"Will you just hear me out?" Hermione huffed.

"What changed?" Seamus asked slyly. "You weren't very keen on helpin' not too long ago."

"No, but I did some thinking on what Luna said," Hermione admitted, fumbling with her hands. "She has a point and well … I thought it could be fun that, besides the random pranks, we could also do more … personal pranks."

"Personal in what way?" Neville asked.

"Birthday pranks," Ginny answered, grinning.

That made Harry light up. He sat up straighter on his bed. "You know how to get your hands on the Death Munchers' birthdays?"

"Indeed," Hermione smiled. "You see, Hogwarts keeps a record of every one of her students, past and present. Most of You-Know-Who's followers were Hogwarts students, so it is logical that their birthdays are all kept in the records as well."

"Do you know where the teachers keep those records?" Justin asked eagerly.

"We figured it out just today," Ginny looked extremely pleased with herself. "One of the so-called abandoned office rooms is actually the records room. It is supposed to look as mundane as possible to stop any nosy students in their tracks."

"I take it that means some of us go and find this record room and start snooping," Dean stated.

"Of course. We do still have an hour or two before curfew," the Boy-Who-Was-About-To-Be-Able-To-Plan-Even-More-Pranks grinned. "We will simply get the dates, and then get out of there before any teachers can stop us."

"Just try not to lose us 100 points," Seamus smirked.

"We won't," Harry reassured, eyes gleaming with mischief. "So, who is coming with me?"

"Me!" Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Neville and Justin chorused.

"Good luck!" Seamus and Dean called as their dorm mates left with the girls behind them.

Luna and Justin actually met them outside of Gryffindor Tower rather quickly. The group followed Hermione and Ginny up to the seventh floor, making sure to dodge any ghosts or Prefects who could potentially tattle on them. The room in question was indeed as tedious as the girls described: there was only one desk, one chair and almost every wall was covered by cabinets.

"All right, judging by the fact that most of the adults who have kids are in their thirties, we are looking for the school years of the 1960s and 70s," Hermione told the group as they went through the cabinets, rifling through log book after log book and file after file.

The kids were searching for around five minutes – the labelling on the cabinets really was shoddily done – before they managed to find the log books of the years that Hermione had stated.

Ron was going through the first one. "I think I found the first one. Lysander Theron Avery, born 7 November 1951. Blah, blah, blah, not important – I think I found Millie Bulstrode's papa. Victor Constantine Bulstrode – fuck, what a pretentious name – born 2 March 1952."

"Let's focus on the proper Death Munchers for a bit, but keep that in mind," Harry stated.

Neville soon pointed at the log book. "Here! There are the Blacks. Sirius Orion, born 30 November 1959. Regulus Arcturus Black, 3 January 1961. Bellatrix Auriga Black, born 10 December 1951. Andromeda Aludra Black, born 15 September 1953. Narcissa Violetta Black, born 3 July 1955."

"Wait," Ginny frowned. "Regulus Arcturus Black? Who is Regulus Black?"

"I think he was Sirius' brother," Harry frowned. "I remember Sirius mentioning him only briefly though."

"Do you think he was a Death Eater?" Hermione inquired.

Harry shrugged. "Possibly. But I know for a fact Regulus Black isn't amongst the Death Munchers. Which means-"

"He's very likely dead," Ron finished grimly.

Justin was reading over Ron's shoulder as well; he decided it was probably time to continue finding all the information before the group got caught up in the new mystery. "There, I found the Carrow twins! Alecto Phaedra Carrow and Amycus Calix Carrow, born 8 October 1953."

Hermione quickly noted that date down too.

"There is Ralston Jugson," Luna had another log book in her hands, pointing to the name. "Born 12 May 1955."

Hermione scribbled once more; Luna continued flipping pages until she came to the letter L. She lit up. "Found them! Rodolphus Corvus Lestrange, born 30 October 1951. Rabastan Reinhardt Lestrange, born 20 May 1953."

The sound of more scratching of a quill on parchment sounded as Luna flipped the page. "Ah! Walden Macnair, born 6 May 1953. Malfoy! Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, born 25 February 1953. There is Nott's father: Theodore Amadeus Nott, born 26 May 1954."

Luna also found Evan Rosier's name, but since Harry knew there wasn't a Rosier amongst the Death Munchers, he was quickly ignored. Luna then found Derrick Travers (16 March 1952) and Corban Yaxley (11 June 1955).

Harry frowned ponderingly. "So, the birthdays that are coming up are young Avery's, Bellatrix's, Andromeda's, the Carrows' and Rodolphus' – wait, we're missing Mulciber! Neville, you said Mulciber was Snakeface's best mate, right?"

"Yeah," Neville nodded.

"And Voldie was fifteen in 1942 … which means he was born in-"

"1926," Hermione supplied immediately. All heads immediately turned to the rest of the cabinets.

The group rummaged through cabinet after cabinet until Justin held up one of the log books triumphantly. "Found it! These students were all born in 1926. Now let's see … Wait, another Avery … there were two Averys, right?"

"Yeah, father and son," Harry confirmed.

"I think I found Papa Avery then. Avior Leander Avery, born 2 October 1926. Let's see … ah! Balthazar Ares Mulciber, born 17 December 1926. But I don't see You-Know-Who's name …"

"Check the name Tom Riddle," Ginny told him.

"La, la, la – here, Tom Marvolo Riddle, born 31 December 1926!"

"It seems we have the most important ones," Neville stated, looking relieved. He cast a quick Tempus: 9:45. "OK, we need to get back to our common room right now if we don't want to lose points."

The Council of Pranks carefully put the log books back and filed out of the office. Just as they were leaving, they noticed something very odd. Draco Malfoy was heading to the end of the corridor towards a giant tapestry.

Luna hummed. "I wonder what he is up to."

"No doubt he is up to no good," Ron commented.

The group made the mistake of blinking; the young Malfoy heir was gone!

"Good grief. Where did he go?" Justin asked in confusion.

"Let's leave Malfoy for now. We need to get back before we get into trouble," Ginny stated. "I for one would not like to be the one to explain to McGonagall why we were skulking around the seventh floor this time in the evening."

"Well, it's mission accomplished at least," the son of Prongs grinned.

"By the way, mate, did Wormtail faint again?" Ron asked eagerly.

Harry smirked. "I have no idea. I will ask Voldie tonight. By the way, Luna, did you bring your glasses? I would love to see what Zabini and Bulstrode did to the Dark Tower."

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Lucius and Narcissa fainted; Wormtail had a near miss. It seems that Rodolphus is next to retaliate! Will Harry and the Council of Pranks give Macnair the information that the Dark want on Umbridge? Who is going to be the next target from the Death Eaters now that Hermione has decided to join the Council? What birthday mayhem may ensue? Stay tuned to find out!

I haven't done this in a while – all of the songs belong to their artists and this world belongs to JK. I am just having fun building a mad sand castle from her sand box.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter; I admit I died laughing several times while writing it, but that is because I am more than a little mad myself. Keep your suggestions coming; I love reading them all!

Until next time,

Kingmaker'sUmbreon