Hedwig's New Friends and the Executioner's Nasty Surprise
Rodolphus Lestrange awoke the next morning in the same mood as he had been for almost two months: utterly fed up with the day already and wishing that he could simply go back to bed and forget that the world around him existed. Because, as usual, the eldest Lestrange was greeted with his wife fawning over her damn plushie monster, who she no longer left alone for one minute because Bella had recently caught him trying to throw Mr. Mupples out of the window while Rodolphus thought she was still in the bath. It also didn't help that the werewolves were doing slinky races, more slot car races and shooting at anything that moved with NERF guns, especially since the full moon was getting ever closer.
Rodolphus forced himself to go down for breakfast, with vengeance on his mind. The Lestrange Heir was not the only one in a poor mood that morning. Voldemort had a poor night's sleep the night before. The Dark Lord had spent a good half an hour the evening previously having to convince Fenrir, who had been chewing on Harry Potter's old and tatty shoes for an hour and thirty minutes like an irate bulldog, to eventually let Nansi take the shoes back to Hogwarts before anyone realised they were gone.
Voldemort found that he had to effectively bribe Fenrir to comply, which he was not happy about. To make matters worse, the house elves had prepared a cheese and cracker platter for everyone in the manor with the evening tea, only for it to be discovered that Wormtail had somehow eaten all the smelly cheeses by himself. The result, was one very pissy Dark Lord, who permitted Nagini and Thalia to chase the miscreant for two hours around the Manor for that transgression.
That was not the worst of it. Harry Potter had continued to plague Voldemort's head with disturbing images – from his Death Eaters enjoying themselves at a Muggle fair to Voldemort forced to taking a holiday in the Bahamas with Nagini and Thalia. The two snakes kept trying to set him up with the handsome scuba diving instructor and then the glamorous masseuse.
Both Rodolphus' and Voldemort's moods were not improved at breakfast. Most of the young werewolves, Reed, Hannah, Rowle, Dolohov, Rabastan, Lysander, Jugson and Travers were wearing those ridiculous T-shirts the Boy-Who-Had-Apparently-Forgotten-His-Fashion-Lessons-From-Narcissa had sent to Rowle the day before. To add to the vexation, the adolescent wolves, Beynon and Holland were teaching Mulciber how to do the Muggle magic tricks. From disappearing coins to card tricks, to freaky tricks with photographs, to making animals appear out of thin air to magic glowing lights – the Death Eaters hated to admit it, but they watched on in fascination.
Then, there was even a trick with three cups and a sweet underneath. Naturally, as the resident sweet-tooth amongst the group, Rabastan wanted the sweet; Izzy, who was teaching the trick, smirked, as did the rest of the werewolves.
"Find the sweet, then you can have it," the eight-year-old wolf stated primly.
The youngest Lestrange's eyes gleamed; challenge accepted. Rabastan – and everyone – watched carefully as Izzy lifted the right cup once to show the sweet and put it back down. Using her enhanced speed, Izzy began moving the cups in an incoherent pattern rapidly, the wizards all trying to keep track of where the cup with the sweety was. Eventually she stopped moving the cups and stated sweetly, "where is it, Rabastan?"
"It's the middle," Dolohov answered immediately.
"No, left," Rowle put in.
"No, no, it's the right," Mulciber disagreed.
Rabastan, ignoring the people around him, took a moment to replay the sequence in his head before he pointed to the cup on the left hand side. Rowle looked very pleased. Izzy smirked and lifted the cup – nothing. The Death Eaters blinked in shock and then frowned.
"I am telling you, it's the one in the middle," Dolohov stated with confidence.
Izzy bit the bottom of her lip; the other werewolves started chuckling. The cup was lifted away to reveal nothing but empty space. Dolohov blanched in disbelief, as did several of the other Dark wizards.
"It's still under the right one? What kind of trick is this?" Jugson sneered in disgust.
The young wolf continued to giggle; she lifted the last cup. Nothing.
The sweet was gone. It had disappeared. This had made the Death Eaters gape in unison.
"What in the name of Merlin – where is it?!" Alecto was slowly malfunctioning.
"It was under the bloody cups! We saw it!" Lysander wailed.
"I don't understand. What just happened?" Mulciber had his hands in his hair, wrecking his brain.
"This doesn't make any sense!" Avery Senior exclaimed.
"Yes, Mr. Mupples, the wolfie is being very scary!" Bellatrix cackled gleefully; she was the only one enjoying the fear this trick was causing.
Izzy was preening as she turned back to an utterly shocked Rabastan. "Check your pockets."
The young Lestrange complied. He reached into one of the inner pockets of his cloak and to the disbelief of everyone around him, fished out the exact same sweety that had been under the right cup.
"How?!" Rowle lost it as Rabastan happily unwrapped the sweety and popped it into his mouth. "How in Morgana's name did it get there?"
"If we told you, that would ruin the magic trick," Hannah responded with a grin.
"That's the whole point of these sleight-of-hand tricks," Reed added. "They're supposed to confound you – if you know how it works, it takes the fun away."
Thalia started tittering. Voldemort braced himself. *Hey, Nagini, what do you call a game where a werewolf tricks a sweet loving Death Eater?*
Nagini lit up. *No idea, Thalia! Tell me.*
*Trick-and-Treat!*
Voldemort slammed his head into the new conjured pillow, his rainbow wig shaking a little on his head. The Death Eaters did not seem to take much notice.
"The trick isn't very fun," Amycus commented sulkily.
"Shut up, Amy," Dolohov responded coolly. "Just because you're salty, doesn't mean you get to be a party pooper."
Amycus became red in seconds. "For the millionth time, stop calling me Amy!"
"Stop sucking the fun out of everything then!"
Thalia lit up at this point. *Hey Nagini, I think Amy might get a new nickname if he carries on like this.*
*What nickname is that, Thalia?* Nagini asked, lighting up.
*The Fun Eater.*
Voldemort once more had his face in the pillow he had conjured to muffle his groaning at that awful joke. Unfortunately Thalia had one more for her audience.
*Nagini, Tom is sitting in his chambers one evening with a nice cup of tea and a genie appears and says, "I am a genie. If you don't believe me, ask me to do anything. I will prove it to you." Tom gives him his typical sassy Voldemort look and says, "make my tea disappear." The genie then clicks his fingers. Om looks into his mug and says, "it didn't work." The genie says, "yes, it did."*
For once, Nagini did not know what to do with that joke.
As for Rodolphus, he didn't stick around in the mad house for too long. The sooner he could get revenge on the Potter Brat for the humiliation he was forced to endure, the better. He happily put up with the condition Voldemort had given him – Augustus had to come with him in order to make sure nothing went awry. Rookwood was one of the few Death Eaters Rodolphus considered a friend so that wasn't too difficult a pill to swallow.
His disguise was, though; Rodolphus looked like a mad scientist again, only without the silly white coat. Augustus at least looked several years younger and clean shaven instead of older! At least no one paid them much attention when they Apparated into the tiny alleyway just next to the Leaky Cauldron. Tom the innkeeper and the customers didn't pay them much mind; neither did the shoppers in Diagon Alley.
On the way to Eeylops Owl Emporium, the two Death Eaters did catch snippets of conversations around them.
"-Scrimgeour is vastly more competent than Fudge-"
"-might not be able to do much though-"
"-attacks have stopped; weird-"
"-they could still go after Amelia Bones and Elizabeth Abbott-"
"-Mad-Eye Moody and the Auror department got pranked! Apparently Harry Potter had something to do with it-"
While Augustus did not even tried to hide his amusement, Rodolphus became more and more disgruntled. Very soon it would be splashed over the bloody Daily Prophet that the so-called Saviour of the British wizarding world was engaged in an odd prank war with his most deadly enemies! Rodolphus was very certain his grandfather was rolling in his grave and that his father was likely going to hex both himself and Basti into the next century for participating.
A good thing that Reinhardt Lestrange II was too blind and too deaf to be fully aware of what was happening these days.
Both Rodolphus and Augustus were rather happy that when they arrived at the owl emporium, it was rather deserted save for various species of owl who were all hooting and screeching loudly at each other and sometimes at the two newcomers.
"So, what exactly are you looking for?" Augustus dared to ask as Rodolphus glared up at a barn owl, who was giving him a sassy look.
"Something that looks like it could peck the boy's fingers off or screech the Owlery awake," Rodolphus growled in reply.
"So, not that one there, then?" Augustus pointed to a small owl with red eyes and brown feathers.
"Nope, too cute," Rodolphus responded gruffly.
Augustus frowned; the owl, who overheard them, hooted quietly, sounding quite pleased. The Unspeakable then caught sight of a taiga hawk owl. "What about that one there? It looks very imperious."
"It's once again too cute and doesn't look angry enough," Rodolphus dismissed.
The taiga hawk owl scowled down at him. Augustus tried again. "How about that brown hawk owl then?"
Rodolphus looked at him in disbelief. "What is it with you and picking cute ones?! You need to stop spending so much time with the wolves."
The Unspeakable gave him a pointed look before gesturing to another owl. "How about that Great Horned owl, then? It looks like it is about as done with life as you are."
Before the Lestrange Heir could make a retort, there was a chuckle from behind them. "You gentlemen seem like you are in a right pickle. Can I be of assistance?" the shopkeeper, an aged man with silvery hair but not a single wrinkle in his face, asked jovially, smiling from one disguised Death Eater to the other.
It was Augustus who addressed the man. "My friend here is looking for an owl to gift someone who has been irritating him for a couple of months, sir. He wants to send the boy an owl who has a bit of an attitude."
"Ah, I see," the manager stated jovially. "As it so happens, I may be able to help you. We have three owls that perhaps fit your requirements. Do you want a moody owl, sleepy owl, or a neurotic owl?"
Rodolphus lit up. "May I see them for myself?"
"Of course, sir. This way. Natalia, could you watch the front for me for a moment, if you please?" the manager called.
"Sure thing, Mr. Rosewood!" a female voice called from somewhere in the back of the shop.
Rodolphus and Augustus followed the enthusiastic fellow along rows and rows of owl cages, with all the occupants watching them curiously. The two disguised Death Eaters barely paid them much attention, because they soon found themselves facing three owl cages that were practically kept out of sight in the hope that they would be kept out of mind.
"I am going to be honest, gentlemen, I have been struggling to sell these three," the manager informed them, sounding a little nervous. "Their previous owners were at a loss at what to do with them."
The first cage contained a long-eared owl the size of a magpie. It had the most bright yellow eyes and its faces was shaped in such a way that the owl looked like it was permanently looking at someone with a death glare. The owl looked like it could get along very well with Jehoshaphat.
"That owl's previous owner accused the owl of being possessed by the spirit of her dead nanny," the manager informed, gulping a little.
The second owl cage housed a Brown Fish owl. Unlike others of its kind, this particular specimen was fast asleep. Augustus tried to wake it carefully by tapping his wand on its cage; the owl did not so much as stir.
"Do not bother, sir. That owl barely ever wakes up – but when it does …" the manager started to shudder.
Both Rodolphus and Augustus frowned a little at this reaction.
This was a miracle, because its neighbour was a Screech owl who could not stop making odd and high-pitched noises at almost every given turn. It was making sounds and moving in a way that neither Rodolphus nor Augustus had ever seen an owl do before. Both men had to cover their ears; they were very tempted to use a Silencing Charm on the thing.
"I am still at a loss at how it knows how to make half of these noises!" the manager wailed above the din.
The two Death Eaters actually did use a Silencing Charm in order to be able to hear themselves think.
"So, which one are you leaning towards?" Augustus wanted to know.
"The neurotic owl is actually rather tempting, despite the noise," Rodolphus answered with a smirk, eyes gleaming evilly. "But the sleeping owl could also be a fun one; and an owl that is believed to be possessed? They're all good picks."
"Well I for one believe we have enough possessed nonsense to deal with at home," Augustus stated. "I also don't think it is fair on the rest of the Hogwarts owls and familiars to be saddled with a screeching alarm clock just because you want to be petty."
Rodolphus huffed. "Fine, Mr. Sleepy Feathers it is then!"
The manager lit up. "Lovely! Will you also be needing some owl nuts and cleaning ware for the cage, sir?"
"I don't think that is necessary, sir," Augustus answered brightly.
###########################################################################
"What in the name of Merlin's saggy trousers?!"
"Mate, it looks like your shoes got chewed up by some kind of animal."
"I have a feeling we should be putting our money on 'werewolf'."
"THIS IS A PROBLEM! CAW!"
Harry, Ron, Dean, Seamus and Neville awoke the next morning to discover that Harry's only decent enough pair of shoes had been chewed up and slobbered on to an extent that really wasn't very healthy. Indeed, it was fair to say that there really was not much of the things left to call them shoes.
Neville paled. "How is Harry going to be able to go to lessons without shoes?"
"I think we should show McGonagall and she'll just write him a note to give to all the teachers," Seamus answered, rolling his eyes.
"No way. Snape will have him in detention again," Ron shook his head.
"I think I have a spare pair that may fit," Dean answered, rummaging through his trunk and then yanking out a pair of normal black trainers and handed them to Harry. "Try these, mate."
Harry took them with a grateful smile and tried the shoes on. They were a little on the big side when it came to the toes but they would just have to do until he somehow managed to buy himself a new pair. "Thanks Dean."
"No issues," Dean smiled smally.
"Erm, Harry? There's a note," Neville, who had just leant down to pick up a stray piece of parchment, stated with a look of disbelief on his face.
Harry couldn't help smirking. "Let me see, Nev."
Neville happily handed it over and Harry unfolded the parchment, and smirked.
This is exactly what you deserve, you little shithead. Enjoy walking on your socks!
- Fenrir
"Well, this was to be expected," Harry chuckled as Ron took the note and had a look for himself.
"I think we shouldn't prank him for a month or so, just in case," Ron commented with a short laugh.
"How in the name of Merlin did Fenrir get those shoes in and out of the wards?" Seamus questioned, frowning.
"Not a bloody clue," Dean admitted.
"I wouldn't put it past Lucius Malfoy to send an elf to Hogwarts," Harry responded ponderingly. "Or perhaps one of the Death Munchers bribed Lucius' staff to cooperate with them. Either way, it is rather clever."
"Yeah, well, you're going to have to buy new shoes and possibly show the note to McGonagall," Neville reminded him. "I almost pity you."
"Don't," Harry grinned. "Let the wolf have his revenge. Merlin knows he needs to out those issues of his."
The boys snorted at that.
"BREAKFAST TIME! CAW!"
"Yes, yes, we know," Harry huffed.
Harry and his friends gathered their bags and met the girls and the Creevey brothers downstairs. All four had been a little nonplussed at what had taken them so long, until Ron and Seamus enlightened them all the way down to breakfast about their rather startling discovery that morning.
"So the Malfoys managed to sneak an elf past the wards," Hermione mused. "I have always wondered how Dobby managed to do it."
"Yes, but Dobby somehow managed to do it without being ordered to," Ron pointed out in a low voice in order to avoid being overheard by the other students. He frowned. "Maybe we should ask him how he did it the first time?"
"Sure, but even if Dobby tells us how he got into Hogwarts, does he still know how to get back into Malfoy Manor?" Colin pointed out.
"Yes, he would," Neville confirmed. "You see, elves have this ability to Apparate just about anywhere. The only way for him or her to not be able to gain access to a place, is if they have been blocked by name or by association with a witch or wizard. Even then, it is likely the elves would land on the roof or in the garden."
"Handy," Dennis commented with a beaming grin.
"Especially with what Harry has in store for dear old Lucius," Dean stated with a smirk.
"Does that mean we are not sending the Muggles again tonight?" Ginny wanted to know.
"Oh no, we are still going ahead as planned. I just want to give Lucius a nasty shock he will never see coming," Harry answered brightly.
"I do have one question: what are we going to ask the elves to do that will put Papa Malfoy probably into St. Mungo's with nervous exhaustion?" Seamus inquired, eyes sparkling with mischief as the group their seats at the Gryffindor table.
"I was thinking cheap Muggle alcohol, since dear old Lucy seems to be taking to the drink lately," Harry smirked.
"Oh dear God," Hermione snorted slightly. "My brother-in-all-but-name, may I ask where Dobby is going to get the Muggle alcohol from, and on his own?"
Those peridot eyes started shining brighter than the Killing Curse as the boy in question poured himself some pumpkin juice. "My dear sister, Dobby is not going to be on his own. He is going to get help from Winky and Kreacher – one needs to have a boost in self-esteem while the other needs to know I am still upset with him about what he did."
"Instead of making him punish himself, you make him go to the house of the people he would rather serve in order to humiliate them," Ron started smirking evilly as he plated more eggs onto his plate. "Mate, that is just genius. I love it!"
"No doubt with very strict instructions," Ginny added, eyes gleaming.
"Very strict," Harry agreed with a slightly menacing tone.
For the first ten minutes of breakfast, Harry and his friends had some relative peace and quiet. As did the rest of the Great Hall. The Slytherins did shoot some odd glances in Harry's direction, but he ignored them in favour of reading the Half-Blood Prince's book again. His raven automaton was cleaning its feathers. Unfortunately, it wasn't long until the mail owls arrived, along with a very disgruntled Jehoshaphat.
"Macnair's moody owl is back!" Nigel was the first to announce, causing the Boy-Who-Just-Wanted-To-Read and his friends to look up as the grumpy owl headed straight for Harry, wanting to be anywhere else than at Hogwarts.
Jehoshaphat landed elegantly in front of Harry's relatively empty plate and stuck out his leg with a very sassy look. Harry in turn smiled brightly at the owl, especially when Ginny and Hermione started giving the evil familiar his pats. The Boy-Who-Was-Rather-Enjoying-His-New-Penpal-Status-With-His-Enemies broke the seal and unfolded the letter.
Hey Boy Wonder,
As it turns out, we don't need our fifteen spies in the Ministry to know what happened regarding your prank on Moody. Corban was there to witness everything and told us everything; he even showed us everything in a Pensieve after dinner. I am very impressed that you managed to humiliate him so thoroughly! He did say he was going to Dumbledore about your behaviour so, head's up. You may be summoned to see that old coot soon.
As to your request regarding the poisoning of Dolores Umbridge, as much as we are all fascinated at your blood lust, our Lord and several others first would like to know why you of all people would want to see the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister poisoned. Mr. Mupples – I can't believe I am writing this – said that she hurt you and several other students during detentions. Is this true?
Civil regards,
Walden Macnair
P.S. I should also warn you that you may get a prank from Rodolphus today. He has been dying to get you back for the time he was evicted from his own bed because Bella prioritised Mr. Mupples' and his friends' comfort over his. He still tries to kill the damn plushie.
Harry re-read the letter once before he handed it over to Ron, who was practically vibrating with anticipation to read the new letter from Macnair. The thoughts that were swimming around the son of Prongs' head were not good.
Did the Death Munchers not know? Were they testing him? Surely Draco and the others must have said something! They were part of Umbridge's Inquisitorial Squad; they must have known something! Did those kids not know? Yaxley worked at the Ministry; were there not rumours about Umbridge and her medieval methods?
Ron could not believe what he was reading either. "Mate … do you think he's serious?"
"Answer me this: how could Mr. Mupples know, and Yaxley not?" Harry asked.
"How could Mr. Mupples know what?" Seamus asked eagerly.
Ron passed him the letter; Dean and Neville began reading over his shoulder. The three boys paled very quickly.
"I can't believe I am saying this, but I think Macnair genuinely doesn't know," Neville stated, shaking his head.
"I don't think Yaxley does either," Dean blinked. "It doesn't make any sense. Didn't Malfoy and the others say anything?"
"About what? Boys, what is going on?" Hermione badgered, Ginny frowning in concern.
Seamus handed the letter over gingerly and the boys sat quietly while Hermione, Ginny and the Creevey brothers read Macnair's latest letter. By the end of the letter, Ginny was flummoxed, Hermione became pensive, Dennis didn't know quite what to do with himself and Colin – he looked like he was plotting something himself.
"I say, we take Macnair's words in good faith and tell him exactly what happened," Hermione stated by the end.
Ginny snorted. "I don't trust the words of an Executioner for a single moment. Especially one who has such a famous bloodlust."
"Normally I would agree, but this time I definitely read confusion and interest," Neville answered.
"I say we don't simply tell Macnair what happened," Colin stated with a confidence Harry had not seen before. His eyes were gleaming with a calculating glint and there was a grin on his face. "I say we show him! I will take a photograph of as many of our scars as possible and we send them to him with Jehoshaphat and Hedwig. We ask as many people who had detentions with Umbridge if they are willing to have their hands photographed; we say we have found someone who may take what happened here seriously but don't say who."
The Council of Pranks were stunned into silence for a moment.
"Colin, my man, you are a genius," Ron was the first to recover.
"That could work!" Seamus agreed.
"Visual evidence always works more powerfully than written testimony," Hermione added.
"But what can Macnair do? He is in hiding!" Dennis reminded them.
"Yaxley isn't," Neville reminded him.
"Do you think Macnair will care enough to try and get rid of Umbridge?" Dean didn't seem entirely convinced yet. "I don't see a Death Muncher caring about what happens to children very quickly, unless it's one of theirs."
"We have nothing to lose," Harry pointed out to him. "I say we do this tonight." He turned to the grumpy owl, who had been watching them in silent fascination. "Sorry, Jehoshaphat, but you're going to have to wait in the Owlery for a while."
"Hoooooot!" Jehoshaphat grumbled.
"Look, I know it isn't ideal, but you're not coming to class with me. I already have one nanny bird!" Harry huffed.
Macnair's owl didn't seem to care, but he took off, nonetheless. Almost as soon as Jehoshaphat had left, Snape arrived at the table with a small sneer on his lips. "Mr. Potter, the Headmaster would like a word before first period. Please follow me."
"Good luck," came the chorus as Harry got to his feet.
Fortunately for Harry, he and Snape didn't say anything to each other on the way to Dumbledore's office. The statue outside the office gave Harry a judgemental look before letting the two people in. Dumbledore was dipping a biscuit into his tea while McGonagall was already looking in Harry's direction with a stern look and arms folded.
Uh-oh.
"Ah, Harry, good morning! Do come in!" Dumbledore stated jovially. "I hear you have been expanding your target base, my boy."
Harry suppressed the urge to roll his eyes; he knew exactly what this was about. "Not exactly, sir. I kept my end of the bargain and it also gave me the opportunity to get Moody back for escorting me to the toilet and back to my room during the summer."
"So you do not deny that it was you who sent three packages to Alastor, delivered by Royal Mail Muggles?" McGonagall's eyes flashed dangerously.
"I have no wish to deny it, professor," Harry answered simply with a shrug.
He could have sworn that he saw Snape smirk out the corner of his eye.
"With whom did you make the bargain?" Snape sneered. "The Muggle Devil?"
"Close enough. Walden Macnair," Harry responded, utterly deadpan.
"Macnair. Macnair?!" McGonagall's spectacles very nearly fell off her face in shock. "You made a bargain with a Death Eater to prank Alastor? What were you thinking?"
"Well, ma'am, Voldie has been getting irritated at Nagini and Thalia-"
"Thalia? Who is Thalia?" Dumbledore asked with interest.
"Voldie's ball python and Nagini's new friend; she's also a comedian. Some of her puns and jokes are horrendous but they're sometimes so bad, they're good," Harry replied with a grin. "Voldie loses the will to live because of it."
A moment of 'Eureka' spread onto Snape's face.
"Anyway, I wanted to know who the poor sucker was going to be. I asked Macnair to find out who it was. Nagini and Thalia have been trying to set up Voldemort with a 'mate', and he hates it. His Death Munchers knew they were trying to set someone up, but they didn't know who until Thalia somehow told them that she and Nagini were trying to set up Tom," Harry smirked. "Naturally, they don't know who Tom is but Macnair told me anyway, and said he wanted me to target Moody. It would be rude not to keep to a bargain."
Snape and McGonagall had no idea how to react to it; the double agent looked set to faint while McGonagall looked like she wanted to turn into her cat form and spend the rest of the day up on the roof and away from the madness.
Dumbledore beamed at him. "Well, I must say that I agree entirely. It is very important to keep to one's promises, no matter who they are made to. Well done, my boy."
McGonagall blanched. "Albus!"
"However, it has to be said that Alastor was less than amused," Dumbledore continued, eyes still twinkling away. "In fact he refused to have a cup of tea and a nice Digestive until I promised him that I would teach you a lesson." The Headmaster beamed at Harry. "So that is precisely what I am going to do!"
Harry's eyes widened and he gulped. "What kind of lesson, sir?"
"A lesson in humility," Snape and McGonagall grumbled in unison.
Dumbledore chuckled. "Now, now, there is nothing to fear. I have simply decided to teach you a little more about the people you are targeting – you will receive lessons on your enemies, and precisely how to prank and-or irritate them with a little bit more of a personal touch. Starting with Tom."
"Headmaster!" the Heads of Gryffindor and Slytherin protested while the portraits of the previous Headmasters and Headmistresses started chuckling away.
"Finally! The boy is getting a proper Slytherin education," Phineas Nigellus Black stated approvingly.
Harry had no idea how to react to this; all he was able to nod in agreement.
"We will start in a few days," Dumbledore stated happily. "Go enjoy the rest of the day. Oh, and Sybil would like me to tell you that 'the Sleeping Warrior will arrive at twilight'. I do not understand that woman sometimes, but there we are. I will be in touch, Harry – go and enjoy the rest of your day. Severus, would you kindly escort him to his lesson?"
Snape looked like he was praying for patience to whichever deity would listen to his internal exaltations but the Potions Master did as he was instructed. Harry silently followed him to Flitwick's classroom and didn't even take it personally when Snape turned his remote onto him and pressed a button.
"YOU HAVE JUST OUTDONE YOUR PARENTS IN PETTINESS LEVELS!"
Harry had no idea what to do with that as Snape skulked away.
###########################################################################
Colin had spent the majority of his day, with the help of Dennis and Justin, gathering photographs of the hands of students from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw who were willing to submit their scars as evidence. A lot of the second years who started during Umbridge's reign of terror were more than happy to show their scars; Hufflepuff did have the most second, third, fourth and fifth years who came forwards as well. Ernie Macmillan, Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones practically forced Zacharias Smith to show his hand too.
The Ravenclaws were surprisingly a lot more cautious. Terry Boot, Michael Corner, Cho Chang, Lisa Turpin, and several other sixth years were the most forthcoming than the fourth or fifth years. The younger years, like the Hufflepuffs, decided to trust the two Lions and the Badger that something would be done with these photos and allowed their scars to be documented too.
Each student signed their name, their House and the age they were when the scars were imprinted onto their skin.
What Colin, Dennis and Justin did not expect, was a group of tentative Slytherins, who were twelve and thirteen mostly but also had a few older students here and there, coming to find them at lunch and showing that they too had scars. Theirs were a little different to the scars that were on the hands of the Badgers and Eagles.
I must uphold pureblood standards.
I must not consort with half breeds.
I must conform to the wishes of my parents.
It was safe to say that Colin, Dennis and Justin were lost for words and had become more determined to send the photos to Macnair. By the time it was dinner, the three of them had managed to compile between one hundred and two hundred photos already, much to the shock of Harry and the others.
"Well, if this doesn't answer Macnair's question, I don't know what does," Neville commented as he and the Council of Pranks – Luna, Ginny and Hermione included – went through each photo. Colin and Dennis were going through the rest of Lions; they had already photographed their friends' hands.
"I still don't know what a bunch of Death Munchers are going to do against Umbridge without causing a mass panic, but I suppose shocking them could be quite satisfying," Hermione stated, shaking her head. "Dear Merlin. That woman should have been fired; too bad I hear Rufus Scrimgeour barely cares about what she had been doing at Hogwarts."
It was at this point that Harry's mobile rang, which set the rest of them off as well. The Council of Pranks picked up immediately.
"Hey, Dudley!" the wizards chorused.
"Evening, weirdos," Dudley answered jovially. "I need to be quick because I told Mum I was going to do homework. Any of those Death Munchers been wearing those hypercolour T-shirts?"
"Yes, but I have yet to hear Voldie begin screaming," Harry informed dully. "I don't think anyone has noticed they have been sweating and I am pretty sure that if someone decided to stare at Bellatrix or Narcissa's boobs, they would lose their eyes."
"No one has so much as fainted or started cryin'?" Seamus pouted. He had been dying to know the results of their latest scheme the whole day.
"No, except perhaps Wormtail. He ate all the smelly cheeses we sent and Voldie wasn't too happy about that," Harry replied with an evil smirk.
"He actually ate them?" Ginny pulled a face. "Yuck."
"Fenrir's reaction we know – he chewed up my shoes," Harry continued happily.
"What?!" Dudley could hardly believe his ears. "A werewolf chewed up your shoes? How?"
"Someone sent house elves into Hogwarts to steal my shoes," the Boy-Who-Sounded-Way-Too-Happy-At-This-Point replied.
"OK, what about Mulciber?" Ron wanted to know. "Did he try to burn the boxes?"
"No, apparently the werewolf kids have been teaching him the magic tricks," Harry answered with a grin.
"So, Mulciber enjoyed his; Rowle's reaction is unknown; Wormtail got shouted at; and Fenrir took his anger out on Harry's shoes," Luna listed. "I think that is actually pretty decent. What are we going to do next?"
"Well, Rodolphus has apparently pranked me but it hasn't arrived yet. So I think we need to wait and decide then. I will write him an apology tomorrow," Harry replied. "But I was thinking of sending some story cassettes for Teddy Ruxpin – because apparently that bear has been doing some weird shit."
"Oooo I know a couple of good ones," Dudley stated. "Shall I just put it under Teddy Ruxpin's name to screw with the Death Munchers' head further?"
"I like that idea," Ginny concurred.
"Same!" Neville, Dean and Seamus added.
"OK, next!" Harry clapped.
"I was thinking perhaps we could continue helping Nagini and Thalia by sending them video dating stuff," Dean grinned.
"And comedy stuff for Thalia," Seamus put in with a grin.
Hermione started chuckling. "Play-Doh for Mr. Mupples," she added.
Ron started laughing. "Mate, I know you want to wait with dear old Rodolphus, but I thought maybe an anti-stress kit or something for him."
"I like all of these suggestions," Luna stated wistfully, Ginny nodding emphatically.
"I cannot improve them," Justin put in.
"Dud!"
"I heard, cousin. I am making the orders right now! How have all of you been by the way?"
"Well, Harry is getting extra classes because Moody was not happy about his pranks and we are going to make a delivery of an entirely different nature," Justin told Dudley.
"Oh God. Do I even want to know?" Dudley sighed.
"We will explain some other time," Ginny responded nervously; none of the wizards were looking forward to telling Dudley about the Blood Quill nonsense from last year.
"Sure. Hey, guys, I will leave you lot alone – I do have homework to do, I wasn't lying about that," Dudley grumbled.
"Oh my God, Dudley is ill!" Harry wailed dramatically.
"Shut the fuck up, cousin!"
"Night, Dudley!" the wizards called as the Muggle hung up.
Ron the turned to Harry. "Malfoy next, my friend?" he smirked evilly.
"Indeed," those verdant eyes started gleaming. "Dobby! Kreacher! Winky!"
CRACK!
Dobby lit up when he saw him. "Harry Potter!"
Winky bowed sadly. "Mr. Potter."
Kreacher sneered at him. "Filthy half-blood master."
Dobby looked set to hit Kreacher with one of his shoes.
Harry smirked at them. "I have a job for all three of you. One that will require stealth to complete."
Dobby was excited, Winky looked semi-interested and Kreacher continued to sneer. Harry started to pace in front of them like a sergeant. "I need all three of you to go and get some Muggle money from Griphook, go to a Muggle store, buy as much cheap Muggle alcohol as you can afford and then sneak those bottles into Malfoy Manor."
All three elves were gaping at this point; the wizards started chuckling.
Harry then turned to Kreacher. "Under no circumstances are you permitted to talk, sing, sign, dance, look at or acknowledge the existence of any one that lives and resides at the Manor, including the werewolves and the two snakes. I also give Dobby and Winky full permission to use whatever means they deem necessary to keep you in line."
Kreacher glared at him while Dobby looked extremely pleased and Winky blinked in surprise.
"Mr. Harry Potter, sir, why does Sir want us to sneak alcohol to Mr. Malfoy?" Winky asked curiously.
"Well, I have been pranking him and his friends," Harry explained simply.
The elves frowned.
"Prank? What prank?" Dobby asked curiously.
"Oh boy, Dobby, hold on to your shoes," Ron grinned.
He, Hermione and Ginny told the elves everything: from the first delivery of McDonalds to the recent pranks sent to the Death Eaters. By the end, Kreacher was in shellshock – he had barely recovered from hearing about Mistress Bella's fascination with Mr. Mupples – and Dobby and Winky, to the amusement and surprise of everyone, took pillows from Ron and Neville's bed in order to start hitting Harry with them.
"Silly Harry Potter!" they chorused. "Silly, silly, silly!"
With each 'silly', the pillow whacked the Boy-Who-Really-Did-Not-See-This-Coming around the head. Harry was soon laughing on the floor. "Dobby, Winky – ooof – hey, come one! – ouch, good hit, though!"
It was at this point that Colin and Dennis returned with more photos. The sight that met them – two elves hitting Harry with pillows while the other looked set to faint – made the two boys gape but Colin found himself snapping a photo anyway with a small grin.
"What has happened?" Colin wanted to know.
"The elves have discovered what Harry has been up to," Luna answered serenely. "Two of them are not best pleased."
The pillow onslaught continued. "Silly, silly, silly, silly Harry Potter!"
"General, we are going to print the last of the photos and then send them off," Dennis informed through a bright grin.
"Sure – ooof – take the others as well – ow! Dobby, not so hard!" Harry replied through laughter. "OK, you two – you have had your fun. Stop!"
Dobby and Winky froze in mid hit, which resulted in the pillows colliding with Harry's abdomen by accident. While the Saviour grunted in pain and his friends winced as well, the two elves turned incredibly apologetic.
"Sorry, sir, sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry-"
"Hey, guys! No harm done. Stop apologising," Harry reassured quickly with a small smile.
"Harry Potter is good!"
Harry huffed in irritation. "Guys, please get to work."
Dobby and Winky lit up while Kreacher scowled; all three elves were gone with a sharp POP!
"Well," Justin was the first to comment, "that was very interesting to witness!"
"They didn't pull any punches though," Harry grunted as he fished himself off the floor. "Good grief – Winky should go into boxing."
The others snorted with laughter. Colin and Dennis gathered the photos together carefully, wrapped them in some paper provided by Hermione and then tied them with string. The Creevey brothers snuck down to the printing room for the photos on the first floor; fortunately the batch didn't take too long. The boys labelled them themselves before adding them to one of the packages and heading straight for the Owlery before they could be caught by any patrolling Prefects.
Colin immediately set about to finding Macnair's ill-tempered bird. "Where's Jehoshaphat? Big, black, moody, red eyes … Ah there!"
Dennis started giggling. "He's talking to Hedwig!"
Indeed, Jehoshaphat and Hedwig were hooting and chirping with each other, deep in conversation and now and again, were looking at a strange owl that was sleeping right next to them. This made both boys frown.
"Whose owl is that?" Colin wondered out loud.
It seemed that Hedwig and Jehoshaphat had heard him because the snowy owl had carefully untied a letter from around the bird's leg and flew down to her wizard's two young friends, followed by the Death Eater bird. Hedwig held the letter out to Dennis, who took it immediately and began hooting and miming rapidly.
The two boys didn't catch anything Hedwig was saying except for one thing: bring the letter to Harry.
Dennis pocked the letter safely into his robes as Colin began tying their packages to Hedwig and Jehoshaphat. "These need to be taken to Macnair," he instructed them. "He wanted answers to a question; these are the answers."
Both owls looked curious as to what it could be, but they took off into the night sky anyway, Colin and Dennis watching them leave, hoping that the photos would be taken seriously.
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"I knew we missed a few the last time. Antonin Nikolai Dolohov, born 15 May 1958; Thorfinn Sigurd Rowle, born 27 April 1957," Luna stated happily.
"OK, have we got everyone now?" Neville asked anxiously. "I really do not fancy getting caught by Snape or McGonagall."
Luna and Neville, after Ron and Seamus initiated a game of Exploding Snap with some of the Council of Pranks, had decided to go back to the records room; Luna had a hunch they had missed a few birthdays belonging to the Inner Circle and wanted to make sure no one was going to be left behind. Neville had been pacing nervously and keeping an eye on the door just in case.
"I think we do have everyone now," Luna reassured. "Let's go before we get hit by Wackspurts."
Neville wisely didn't make an answer to this.
The pair poked their heads around the door to make sure the coast was clear. They had been just in time to once again, watch one Draco Malfoy appear and then disappear again into thin air.
"OK, this can't be a coincidence anymore," Neville commented, shaking his head.
"For once, Longbottom, I agree!"
Neville and Luna jumped five feet into the air and whirled around to see an amused Millicent and a smug Blaise peering their heads around a nearby corner. Neville frowned. "Bulstrode, Zabini. What are you doing here?"
"What do you think?" Blaise snorted. "We're following Drakey-poo of course. The ferret has been sneaking out at night for some reason, and he won't tell us what it is."
"So, we decided to follow him this time to see if we can get some answers," Millicent added. "But – like with our previous attempts – he just disappeared whenever we seem to be getting too close."
"Has this got to do with a cupboard?" Luna asked mystically.
"Huh?" Blaise gaped at her.
Millicent turned to Neville. "Is she OK?"
"She's fine," Neville frowned. "I think."
Blaise then cocked his head at the Lion and the Eagle. "What the hell were the two of you doing in an abandoned classroom anyway?" he asked with a smirk.
While Neville turned beetroot at the implication, Luna hummed. "We were doing some research for Harry."
"Uh-oh," Millicent sighed. She then considered something. "Do you think Potter would help us figure out what has been going on with Draco?"
"He may do," Neville answered carefully. "That depends on what you're asking in return."
Blaise chuckled. "Careful, Longbottom, you sound like a Snake there."
"Is there anything you want?" Luna pressed.
"How about this – you watch our back, we will watch yours," Millicent suggested. "Potter knows some useful secrets and he is somehow continuing to prank our parents' friends without being caught. Plus, Blaise and I keep our eyes and ears open in the Snake Pit; we could be useful to each other."
Neville very nearly gaped in shock. "You want to team up?"
"Ally ourselves. covertly," Blaise corrected with a smirk. "After all, Team Prank are missing a few Snakes in their ranks."
"We will tell Harry," Luna replied as she and Neville shut the door of the records room behind them as they stepped out. "But right now, we all need to go. Peeves is approximately ten minutes away, as is Mr. Filch."
That sent the four teenagers running for the safety of their Houses.
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Walden Macnair was enjoying a surprisingly quiet evening. He was sitting in front of the fire with a glass of Firewhiskey that he had hidden away from Lucius and reading one of Rookwood's old magazines on Muggle politics, with music playing in the background. After he heard Rabastan and Reed claim to see three house elves in a Muggle store in a town about an hour or so away, the Executioner decided it was best to get an early night. Macnair had found himself morbidly curious about the topic; he soon found that it was largely a very chaotic mess.
Macnair had just turned the page onto another article when suddenly he sensed something outside of his window.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
The Executioner turned around sharply to see that Jehoshaphat was outside of his window, accompanied by Hedwig. Macnair was out of his chair and on his feet in an instant, rushing to open the window. Both owls were carrying small brown packages.
"Jehoshaphat! Hello, Hedwig! How are you?" Macnair asked civilly as soon as the window was open.
"Hoot!" Hedwig answered happily.
"Good," Macnair beamed. "What have you two brought me?"
"Hoot, hoot, hoot," Jehoshaphat informed darkly.
Macnair frowned. "Answers, you say. Come in, you two."
The owls swooped in and landed on the table in his room. Macnair closed the window and followed them. The Executioner untied the three packages from their legs with a frown and then opened one.
Photographs spilled out in front of him. They were the size of polaroid frames but that was not what caught Macnair's eyes. Each subject was a hand – hand that was obviously scarred, with words.
Words etched into the skin.
Macnair's eyes were bugging out of their sockets as he examined them more closely.
I must not talk back to my superiors
I must not use foul language
I must not besmirch my professor's clothing
I must not talk about Muggle filth
It was just one thing after the other. Macnair didn't know why but he ended up turning the photos over.
Layla Hughes, Hufflepuff – age last year, 11
Nathaniel Gardiner, Hufflepuff – age last year, 11
Veronica Vyner, Hufflepuff – age last year, 12
Connor Vyner, Hufflepuff – age last year, 12
Willow MacNeil, Hufflepuff – age last year, 13
Patrick Hughes, Hufflepuff – age last year, 13
Florence Smith, Hufflepuff – age last year, 14
Zacharias Smith, Hufflepuff – age last year, 15
Matthew Taylor, Hufflepuff – age last year, 14
Susan Bones, Hufflepuff – age last year, 15
Ernie Macmillan, Hufflepuff – age last year, 15
Hannah Abbott, Hufflepuff – age last year, 15
Justin Finch-Fletchley, Hufflepuff – age last year, 15
Macnair's head was soon swimming with thoughts as he looked from the names to the wounded hands and back again for a total of twenty times. There were more names, and more injured hands. Very soon, Macnair tore open the other packages, photos exploding out onto the table. Jehoshaphat and Hedwig dodged them by hopping onto the back of the chairs.
Terry Boot, Ravenclaw – age last year, 15
Colin Creevey, Gryffindor – age last year, 14
Sally-Ann Perks, Slytherin – age last year, 15
Nigel Wolpert, Gryffindor – age last year, 14
Cho Chang, Ravenclaw – age last year, 15
Dennis Creevey, Gryffindor – age last year, 13
Tracy Davies, Slytherin – age last year, 15
Ashley Kingsley, Gryffindor – age last year, 14
Lisa Turpin, Ravenclaw – age last year, 15
Benjamin Ferrars, Gryffindor – age last year, 16
Hazel Bryant, Slytherin – age last year, 13
Ginevra Weasley, Gryffindor – age last year, 14
Michael Corner, Ravenclaw – age last year, 15
Dean Thomas, Gryffindor – age last year, 15
Flora and Hestia Carrow, Slytherin – age last year, 14
Neville Longbottom, Gryffindor – age last year, 15
Luna Lovegood, Ravenclaw – age last year, 14
Shannon Bates, Ravenclaw – age last year, 13
Each hand was scarred badly; Macnair couldn't believe what he was seeing. How had this not been in the Daily Prophet from day one? Even Amy and Alecto's nieces were amongst the group! As if the nauseous feeling in Macnair's stomach couldn't get worse with each photo he saw, he then came onto three hands who were amongst the most badly damaged. They belonged to the Golden Trio.
Hermione Granger, Gryffindor – age last year, 15
Ron Weasley. Gryffindor – age last year, 15
Harry Potter, Gryffindor – age last year, 15
Granger's hand was carved with, I must not participate in unauthorised clubs. Ron Weasley's hand had the same carved into it. But, it was Potter's who made Macnair turn more murderous than he already was, somehow.
I must not tell lies.
An unearthly growl emanated from his throat; Jehoshaphat and Hedwig exchanged a look. Macnair screamed in anger, the windows all jumping open simultaneously as his magic lashed out, as he threw the photos back down onto the table. He now understood why the boy wanted the ugly pink toad gone, and Macnair found he was more than happy to assist.
With, or without his Lord's permission.
Macnair met Hedwig's eyes, which were a combination of sad and angry. "Poison will be the least of this woman's worries," he promised the owl.
"Hoot!" Hedwig agreed.
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Oooooh boy, Macnair is angry. What will the reactions of everyone else be? How will Harry find the new owl? Will Rookwood finally find a good idea for his own prank? How will the alliance between Blaise, Millicent and Harry's team affect the balance at Hogwarts? Stay tuned to find out!
I don't know why but it has taken me a little longer to write this chapter. I blame the heat to be honest; I don't know what it is like in your countries, reviewers, but mine is going through a heat wave and it's been awful. I have been suffering from heat sickness; I hope you will forgive me for being a little tardy. I hope all of you are well and drinking lots of water!
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