Yaxley Is Forced To Buy A Doughnut and Thalia Makes A New Friend
Albus Dumbledore awoke the next morning in a very good mood, singing along to his Lorcan d'Eath single while Fawkes chirped along to the music and the former Headmasters and Headmistresses either stuck their fingers in their ears or bobbing their heads along to the music. The Headmaster was very much looking forward to his first lesson with Harry. The man had meant to visit Harry during the summer, and try and enlist the boy's help to encourage Horace to return to Hogwarts, but it had completely slipped Albus' mind.
The Headmaster began boiling his tea water and decided to let some fresh air into his rather stuffy tower. Dumbledore hummed happily as he threw his window open to let the autumn sun into the room and gave a sigh of contentment as he heard the birds twitter, owls hoot, the Giant Squid roar and heard kelpies neigh in the distance.
What ruined his good mood slightly, was that Dumbledore's rather sharp gaze soon caught sight of a lot of colours out of his peripheral vision. The Headmaster turned to see what it was – hoping perhaps it was a rare rainbow phoenix coming to visit – and it was safe to say, that his eyes almost bugged out of their sockets.
There were at least twenty gargoyles that were painted with some kind of paint that made it look as though they were carved out of pure crystal, especially when the sunrays hit the gargoyles. The same had been done to the roof! Gryffindor Tower had been covered in dancing badgers. Ravenclaw Tower was covered by lions chasing eagles and ravens and taking dumps in the nests. Look Out Tower somehow had new dragon statues – where did they come from?!
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear," Dumbledore kept muttering to himself. "Argus is going to have a heart attack."
That, as it turns out, was an understatement. When the caretaker discovered what had been done, the Squib had actually fainted in front of Minerva, Filius, Pomona and Severus, who had all noticed what had been done to the outside of the school. They had their worst fears realised when the caretaker burst into Minerva's office, near to a nervous breakdown. When Filch hit the floor, Mrs. Norris promptly began fanning him with her tail.
Once Argus was carted off to see Poppy at the Hospital Wing, the Heads of House immediately went to go and see their slightly mental boss. Fortunately, Dumbledore had the tea ready by the time they got there and was hoping to soothe their ire a little with a good cuppa.
"ALBUS!" they chorused. "THE STUDENTS WERE AT IT AGAIN!"
"Yes, I am aware," the Headmaster sighed. "I have a rather decent view from my window."
Severus and Pomona immediately went to have a look for themselves, followed by Fawkes, who was curious as to what all the fuss was about, taking a seat on Severus' left shoulder. The Heads of Slytherin and Hufflepuff gaped at the sight of the crystal-like gargoyles and roof, and Pomona very nearly fainted at the sight of the new dragon statues. Severus blinked in utter disbelief. Fawkes trilled excessively, very nearly laughing his feathers off.
"HOW?!" Pomona wailed. "How did they manage to pull this off? Argus was patrolling the whole night; the Prefects were patrolling. None of them reported seeing anything untoward as far as I know."
"Perhaps we should ask Peeves if he has seen anything?" Filius suggested.
"I doubt that poltergeist would tell us a thing," Minerva sighed in exasperation. "I think we can all agree that the Marauders' record for trouble has been well and truly matched."
"Indeed," Pomona readily agreed. Filius could only nod silently.
"Almost," Severus was forced to admit.
"What are we going to do about this? Argus still has not managed to remove the graffiti from the suits of armour or from the front of the Hufflepuff dungeon," Pomona had her head in her hands. "There is no way we could help Argus because I am willing to bet whoever did this put their art under protection spells – this is a disaster!"
"Yes, the children are going a little bit too far," Albus mused. He lit up. "Perhaps Sibyl can help us find the culprit?"
The Heads of House had to force themselves not to physically start facepalming at this point. Fawkes continued to trill with laughter.
"Albus, with all due respect, I highly doubt Sibyl will be able to pinpoint who did this. She can barely find the Queen in a deck of playing cards at the best of times!" Filius squeaked indignantly. "We need to go about this logically. Who do we know is diabolical enough to do this, apart from perhaps Mr. Potter?"
"As much as I hate to admit this, I doubt Mr. Potter could have pulled this off in one night, especially on his own," Severus sneered. "This is the work of more than one student."
"Students with a passion for art," Pomona pointed out.
"You think we need to look at the Art students?" Minerva's eyebrows went up a little.
"It would be a good place to start," Filius put in. "After all, no one knows their ways around paint and sculptures better than the Art students."
"But Filius, we only have seven students studying Muggle Art and around five studying Magical Art," Minerva pointed out. "I cannot imagine that all of them were involved."
Severus' lip once more curled into a sneer. "Why? Because that would mean a few of your precious Lions are involved, Minerva? I would have thought you wouldn't be so quick to discount your House being full of troublemakers, given the recent history."
Minerva flushed a little. "That has nothing to do with it, Severus. I have kept a close eye on all the Art students' academic records. Only one or two have had detentions, and that is because they were unfortunate enough to vex you."
"Benjamin Ferrars can be a menace," was Severus' only defence. "That one needs a firm hand or he will go quickly out of control."
"He has a creative spirit," Filius smiled. "His Charm work is always exquisite!"
Severus rolled his eyes at this.
"I think we need to have a talk with the Art students at lunch," Pomona stated.
"And maybe see who is in dire need of coffee at breakfast," Minerva added, shaking her head derisively.
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The Boy-Who-Helped-The-Underground-Street-Artists-Get-Their-Projects-Done could not have been happier at how the mission went. Using the Marauder's Map and also first-hand knowledge of how Filch and Peeves behaved, the diabolical son of Prongs had managed to guide Blaise and Millicent the entire time and gave them updates on the movement of the patrolling humans and ghosts while they worked.
It really had been more fun than sending odd nightmares to Old Snakeface! But it did mean that Harry was in dire need of a Pepper-Up Potion, which Seamus fortunately still had left.
The next thing the snake in lion's clothing wanted to see was, just what his two Snake allies had decided to come up with. It must have been something pretty good, otherwise they would not have come to him for help.
Plus, there was something else the so-called Saviour of the wizarding world was looking forward to: a prank from Augustus Rookwood! Harry really hoped the Unspeakable would do something fun, like a briar bush that sings really badly but tries to strangle anyone that tells it that it can't sing.
But that was likely going to get confiscated by McGonagall, who was apparently set against anyone having an iota of fun. It was rather disappointing to Harry because he had rather liked the version of McGonagall who had told Peeves to loosen a candelabra the other way for when Umbridge was set to walk under it.
Breakfast was actually a rather quiet affair. Ginny, Hermione and Harry had their noses in their books while Dean was getting his butt trounced in wizard's chess by Ron. Seamus and Neville were discussing the latest reason why more than half the staff looked set to give the school detention with Justin.
The peace was only disturbed by the arrival of the mail owls, followed closely by an imperious grey owl Harry did not recognise but headed straight for him, carrying two packages and a letter. Harry looked up after being elbowed in the sides by Ron and Seamus, just in case the owl had an equally bad temper as Jehoshaphat. However, the owl carried itself with a lot more grace and wisdom than Macnair's malicious owl and simply regarded Harry with the look of an old, wise sage.
Harry untied the letter and the packages, and the owl took off without so much as waiting for pats and bacon. The Boy-Who-Simply-Could-Not-Wait-To-See-If-The-Object-Would-Kill-Him-Or-Not broke the seal on the back, unfolded the letter and began to read.
Greetings Potter,
To be honest, I had no idea how to start the letter because this is one of the weirdest letters I have ever had to write and Izzy said it was better to start off by being polite, so here we are. I know I have gotten 'presents' that were fine in comparable to the others – what were you thinking sending Merlin-be-damned lingerie to Narcissa?! – but I did have to put up with the complaining and the whining, so I suppose I could get revenge for the headaches and earaches I had to endure.
I am not the most imaginative of the others – I am much more comfortable with my research and books, as you probably figured out by now – so I apologise in advance if you find my prank rather boring. I suppose I will know what you think with whatever Morgana-cursed prank you decide to send me next time.
Civil regards,
Augustus Rookwood
P.S. You don't happen to know something that Madam Umbridge is really afraid of do you? I am making a rather special potion that makes it seems her nightmares are coming to life, and I was wondering if you may have learned something about that toad during the time she tortured you kids.
The evil smirk was back on Harry's countenance. He put the letter down – Seamus immediately picking it up to read it – and promptly began to unpack the packages, especially the ones with some holes in the sides.
As he did so, Harry could have sworn he could hear … singing from inside the box. *Ka uni tramaya, Kuta unoi trameya dreya, Kuta uni tremeya, Utrey nu trabaya, Nu kunun trabya, Nun drey tabaya*
Harry actually knew that tune; it seemed that whatever was inside the box, got to hear a Dead Can Dance album. He opened the box carefully and looked inside. What he saw was a plant – a plant that he had not yet studied in Herbology. On the face of it, it looked like a kind of lily and then he noticed the serpentine head.
*Utra geya manya, Rendabey kunadresdama, Isal dunamanya, Endabey kunadresdama,* the plant continued singing, not noticing Harry yet. Once it did, it jumped a little in surprise but then it started to … smile. *Hello, do you know where I am?* the lily asked.
*You're at Hogwarts,* Harry replied with a smile. *I am Harry.*
*Oh! You are my new friend and you are a Speaker!* the strange snake plant stated, her petals shaking excitedly. *I wasn't told that you're a Speaker.*
Harry smiled brightly. *I am, on both counts. Would you like to come out of the box?*
*Oh yes please!*
Harry reached in and carefully lifted the plant out of the box by its pot. As soon as the plant saw the light of day, those lily petals began to spread out and the snake-lily sighed with contentment. *Ooooo air and sunlight … yay … the air is filled with magic around here … soooo gooooood…*
Ron, Dean and Seamus could hardly believe their eyes.
"A plant? A freaking plant?!" Ron shook his head.
"Not just any plant!" Neville's eyes were shining happily. "That is a Cobra Lily!"
"It's so pretty," Ginny gushed.
Harry then unpacked the second box, curious to see what Rookwood had sent along with the musical, whimsical lily. Neville helped to unpack books, fertiliser, cannisters of plant tea apparently and a some tools. Neville grinned. "A care package! A Death Eater sent a care package."
"Well, Rookwood doesn't sound as manic as the others, so that doesn't surprise me," Hermione had to concede.
"Doesn't surprise me. He has been turning rather normal since he got adopted by a young wolf named Izzy," Harry informed with a grin.
Ron and Seamus snorted at this.
"I take it Rookwood isn't going to be stuck with glow-in-the-dark goo, then?" Colin piped up.
"Well, I actually had an idea for him," Hermione admitted easily. "I thought we could send him some books on old Muggles belief systems, mythology, folklore – Greek, Roman, Aztec, Celtic, etc."
"Oooo that actually sounds like that could fit him like a glove," Dennis grinned.
*Speaker, can you make some music, or sing something?* the Cobra Lily asked, still looking extremely contented.
Harry blanched.
Neville frowned. "Harry, what is it?"
"It wants me to sing, or play music," Harry translated.
Ron snorted. "You will end up hurting the poor thing!"
It was Luna who had the solution. The dotty Ravenclaw had left the Ravenclaw table and sat next to Ginny and Colin and pulled out a strange flute in the shape of a kelpie. The moment Luna began playing a jaunty tune, the Cobra Lily closed its eyes and began bobbing to the tune.
"Phew! Well done, Luna," Dean grinned. "You saved us from Harry's tone deaf notes."
"I think we may need to get a radio or music player for our dorm room," Seamus added with a grin.
Harry rolled his eyes as he took out a quill, ink and two leaves of parchment from his beg. "Oh ha ha ha, funny," he answered snarkily as he began quilling letters to Macnair and Rookwood.
"At least Rookwood didn't send you another pet," Ginny grinned. "People might think you're turning into a second Hagrid!"
"Only less obsessed with dangerous creatures," Colin added as Harry's friends giggled.
Harry decided to ignore those comments as he wrote his letters.
###########################################################################
Blaise and Millicent were very embarrassed to admit that they spent the rest of the day hiding from Professor Snape. During the course of the day, the entire school had discovered what had been done to the Lion, Eagle and Look Out Towers as well as the new lick of pain the gargoyles and the roof had gotten. Naturally, the pair knew their Head of House would assume they had something to do with it – rightly so – and decided to try and avoid their fate as long as they could.
So, they ended up doing the last thing that either of them expected to do: they had spent their free periods and most of lunch hiding with Neville Longbottom and Hermione Granger. What happened was Blaise and Millie decided to hide in the last place Snape would think to look: the Hogwarts greenhouses. As it happens, they went into Greenhouse Three where they found Longbottom and Granger gathering some more plant food.
As expected, Granger was very much suspicious of what the two Snakes were up to. "Zabini and Bulstrode. I didn't know the pair of you took Herbology," she commented dryly.
"We don't," Millicent agreed.
"But anywhere is better than near Professor Snape right now," Blaise added.
"Couldn't agree more," Longbottom shuddered.
Granger gave the pair a pointed look. "I take it that means he has figured out that you were partially responsible for the new graffiti that appeared last night?"
"We only did the gargoyles and the roof," Millicent folded her arms.
"Hmmmm. I have to admit they were very well done," the usually-stick-in-the-mud Muggleborn admitted.
Millicent blinked in surprise at this comment.
"Muggle paint didn't have as much flair for this round," Blaise smirked a little.
"This round?" Longbottom repeated, cocking his head slightly. "What do you mean?"
"Nothing," Millicent dismissed quickly. She frowned a little. "What are those?" she asked, gesturing to the potions and bags in Longbottom's arms.
The strange boy lit up. "They are different types of plant food. Hermione and I are going to see what kind of food Harry's Cobra Lily likes."
"You should also test its favourite music," Blaise suggested. "Especially when it comes to harvesting their venom."
"Yes, but we don't have a radio or music player," Longbottom deflated a little.
"Oh we can help with that," Millicent answered with a grin. "In exchange for your protection from our Head of House, of course."
Granger rolled her eyes at this, but couldn't help but look very amused. Neither she nor Longbottom were too averse to having the Snakes' company, much to the silent relief of both Blaise and Millicent, and the strange quartet went to Gryffindor Tower to get to know the new addition to Team Prank.
##########################################################################
"Remind me again why we are following Ferret Malfoy towards the Room of Hidden Things?"
"Ron, shut up before I put you under an extensive Silencio."
Once more Ginny and Luna spent their lunchtime on the tail of Draco Malfoy; only this time they were joined by Ron, who had gotten a little curious about why his younger sister and their rather dotty friend were tailing Harry's arch rival. Neither Ginny nor Luna had been forthcoming with an answer Ron was satisfied with.
"You will see for yourself soon enough," Luna reassured him.
Ron huffed, but he decided to wait and see what Luna was referring to. As before, Ginny, Luna and now Ron kept as much as they could in the shadows and as far out of Draco's line of sight as they could manage.
They watched as the Malfoy heir reached into his pocket and fished something out of it, then putting it into the Vanishing Cabinet, and beginning to chant eerily again.
Ron shook his head despondently. "What in the name of Merlin's muddy trousers is he doing?" he hissed quietly.
"He's trying to fix it," Luna whispered back.
"Harmonia nectere passus …"
Draco muttered this at least three times. They watched as after the fourth try, the surface of the monolith glimmered. It was almost alive. The three spies heard a faint whooshing sound and Draco opened the Cabinet. He took out of it a Granny Smith's apple. Ron, Luna and Ginny narrowed their eyes to see that there was a bite taken out of it.
"How in Morgana's name …" Ginny whispered in disbelief.
"It's still broken," Luna replied whimsically. "The journey to the friend on this side is fine; on the way back, a part gets lost."
"Ewww," Ron pulled a face, already imagining the worst possible outcome. He frowned. "But why would the ferret want to fix this manky old cupboard anyway?"
"That's what I asked," Ginny answered in a hushed voice. "I haven't quite figured that out yet, but I know it can't be anything good."
Luna conspicuously did not say anything. This made Ron frown a little, but he decided it was not the right time to ask the strange Lovegood witch about what it was she was hiding. So the chief strategist of Team Prank decided to move onto the next subject on his mind.
"Most Vanishing Cabinets are linked to a partner," he mused. "Fred and George told me they had tried to send Graham Montague to this one's friend last year … so where is it?"
"Do you think they would know where it is?" Ginny lit up.
Ron shrugged. "Can't hurt to ask, can it?"
"I'll do that tonight then," Ginny decided, eyes flashing slightly.
With that, the three of them carefully withdrew from the Room of Hidden Things, with Draco still staring at the piece of Granny Smith missing from the apple.
#########################################################################
At around lunchtime, Corban Yaxley returned to the Ministry from his break, once more his serpentine co-conspirator in his cloak pocket, heading to execute the second round of revenge plots against Madam Umbridge, who was apparently still in the form of a giant pink toad, still covered in boils but only coughing hairballs in intervals. Apparently, a Healer at St. Mungo's had – once the poor bugger in question had recovered from shock – managed to give the Senior Undersecretary a potion to combat the curse.
As one can imagine, Balthazar Mulciber was almost spitting lightning bolts when he heard about that. Indeed, the man had been in a massive sulk the entire morning, which was one of the reasons the Dark Lord had sanctioned a second round of revenge gifts to already be sent so soon, even before some of them were ready.
While Yaxley was deep in contemplation and focussing on the mission, Thalia was busy talking to herself as well.
*A second important mission for Corban and Agent Thalia! The first mission went rather well. Hopefully this time goes even better – oooo they have some decent music in the box now. Good. … Corban needs to put this cloak into the wash. It has a funny smell.*
Yaxley was heading down to Umbridge's office with a lot more confidence with his step; he had heard that the pink demon toad was still at a Healer's appointment at St. Mungo's that had been arranged by Elizabeth Abbott, of all people. Yaxley knew it would take a while for the women to come back, so he and Thalia had a little bit more time to work in.
The Death Eater discovered that Umbridge's team had not fully recovered from the shock of the day before. Some of the typists were not as fervent in their typing, the secretaries were sometimes staring at their folders and the advisors were popping out of their offices more often to get tea and coffee.
Yaxley stopped in front of the desk of the young typist he semi-recognised from the day before and the first time he and Thalia left the Dark Side's little 'gifts' around the Senior Undersecretary's office. The girl, he noticed, had very dark rings around her eyes.
The Death Eater did not exactly what to say, so he decided to start off with, "I have heard there has not been much change in the Senior Undersecretary's … illness."
This had knocked the typist out of her slight stupor. "Mr. Yaxley, I did not see you there. Sorry, sir."
"No, no," Yaxley stated dismissively.
The typist swallowed. "Nothing has changed much, sir. Madam Umbridge has also cancelled most of her meetings, or substitutes have been arranged. The matter discussed with you, sir, is unfortunately on the back-seat pile at the moment."
Yaxley saw the fear in her eyes; he knew he was looking as stern as ever, which wasn't helping the situation. "I take it that the Undersecretary is not happy about that?" he guessed.
"No, sir," the typist agreed readily.
Yaxley knew why Umbridge's people looked worse for wear: the demon toad had been taking her frustrations out on her civil servants. He nodded a little despondently and then continued. "Has the caught of the Undersecretary's state been discovered?" he wanted to know.
"Madam Bones and the Aurors took all of her potions, the milk and the sweetener," the typist responded obediently. "We have not heard anything back yet."
Hopefully, you won't, Yaxley commented internally to himself.
"Would you object to me having a look around myself?" Yaxley carefully asked. The last thing he wanted to seem, was suspicious when something untoward had just happened to the Undersecretary the day before. "Just in case something was missed, perhaps? I mean it isn't likely with Amelia on the case, but one never knows."
But the typist didn't seem to care all too much either way. "Go ahead, sir."
Yaxley gave her a curt nod before marching into Umbridge's office. He gently tapped his cloak pocket as he took out the three finished 'gifts': the evil kitty plate designed by Alecto and Hannah the werewolf, the enchanted parchment designed by the Dark Lord and the self-created curse for Umbridge's quills by Antonin and Avior.
Thalia poked her head out, flicking out her tongue. *This room still tastes of strawberries, puss and demon toad. Yuck.*
"OK, Thalia. I will deal with the quills and the plate. You hide our Lord's parchment," Yaxley instructed.
Thalia hissed and nodded in agreement. She first slithered down to the ground, and then Yaxley crouched down to hand her the parchment, which the young ball python carefully wrapped her coils around and then headed straight towards the desk. Yaxley turned his attention on finding a good spot for the new kitty plate. He was mostly looking at an area close to the door to make sure Umbridge could not immediately notice she had magically gotten another plate.
However, the issue was the areas were either too hidden, or had enough on it already or was perhaps too high. Thalia, who had put Tom's cursed parchment under a few leaves of normal parchment, watched Yaxley at work and soon began tittering to herself.
*It is a good thing the others are not seeing Corban like this, or they would be calling him the Death Decorator!*
The ball python cocked her head as she watched further, and then lit up when she saw a good spot between an ugly landscape and a really ugly miniature portrait of someone she guessed was related to the demon toad.
*How about over there? Corban! That spot over there! It looks good – it is unassuming but isn't going to be overlooked too easily. CORBAN! Wow, you're sometimes as deaf as Tom is!*
Yaxley, of course, heard the snake hissing madly at him. But due to the fact that he had no idea what Thalia was saying, Yaxley decided to ignore her. If there was something Thalia despised, it was being ignored.
*Corban, if you do not listen to me right now, I will find a way to tattoo fairy wings onto your Dark Mark and make it glow pink!* Thalia complained.
It seemed that Yaxley had heard something irate in her tone, because he did turn to her this time. "What is it, Thalia?" he demanded.
*Put. The. Plate. THERE!* Thalia hissed, jabbing her tail in the direction of the spot she saw on the wall.
Yaxley frowned and then followed the direction the snake was pointing at and as soon as he saw the vacant spot between the ill-painted field landscape and the cheaply painted miniature, the Death Eater suddenly realised what Thalia had been trying to communicate to him. Feeling ever so slightly stupid, Yaxley got to work, making sure to put a Silencing Charm on the room just in case the hanging of the plates made some noise.
Thalia hissed happily as she watched him work. *Yes, well done, Corban! It looks actually rather good – ooo it went a little wonky there. Yes, that looks better.*
After fixing the plate onto the wall, Yaxley turned his attention onto Umbridge's quills, Thalia helpfully laying them out for him. Yaxley unfolded the parchment with the spell and began to incant it, wand pointed at the quills.
"Veritatem effundite!"
The quills began glowing an eerie white; the light was quite bright so Thalia hid a little into her coils in order to avoid being blinded. It didn't last too long, though – once the light abated, the quills looked as ordinary as they did before. Yaxley sheathed his wand, hoping to Morgana and Mordred that Antonin and Avior knew what they had done with such a deceptively simple spell.
*OK, so let's hope that all of the toad's paper work suddenly becomes a bit more interesting to read,* Thalia hissed with a chuckle. *It is going to be very awkward indeed for the other walkers to expect law stuff and then reading some very disturbing messages. I also hope Charlotte hurries up with the kitty training. It should be really fun! Anyway, Corban, let's get out of here before anyone else comes!*
Yaxley had no idea what his ally was saying but seemed to get enough of the gist because he quickly pocketed Thalia and marched towards the door, making sure to put his imperious git mask back onto his face.
The young typist stopped her work as soon as she heard the door to Umbridge's office open and she cocked her head slightly at him.
"Nothing untoward," Yaxley stated as grimly as he could manage. "It really is very strange."
"Indeed, sir," the typist agreed readily, sighing.
"A lot of strange things happen at the Ministry on a daily basis. I don't find it all too surprising anymore."
Instinctively, Yaxley's jaws clenched, but he was forced to maintain as neutral a countenance as he could manage. Coming to a stop, with a smirk on her face, was none other than Nymphadora Tonks, dressed in a trench coat and boots, with her hair a ridiculous colour as always.
"Auror Tonks," he greeted rather civilly; Yaxley gave himself a mental pat on the back for that. "Are you going to do another search of the Undersecretary's office, because if that is the case, I need to inform you-"
"Actually, I was sent by Madam Bones to find you and give you an update," Tonks responded brightly. "I have no idea if I am born with some kind of Eye as well but I had a rather sneaky suspicion that I would perhaps find you here. On the way I did get a little peckish, though. Would you come with me to get a doughnut from the canteen? I am dying for a doughnut!"
Yaxley grumbled internally, but followed the overly enthusiastic Auror – who had very nearly did not finish the Auror Academy at all on the account of her lack of stealth prowess – towards the direction of the lifts.
The Order of the Flaming Chickens member grinned at him. "Been leaving Madam Umbridge some more vials of milk, Yaxley?" she teased in a lowered tone as civil servants scurried around them, left, right and centre.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," was the automatic answer that came out of the Death Eater's mouth.
Tonks petulantly rolled her eyes. "Let me tell you something that you may have forgotten, dear Corban," she stated silkily. "I am the daughter of a Slytherin – a Black to boot-"
"Your Black blood is diluted," Yaxley could not help but taunt.
"-and of a Gryffindor who, in his time, helped to coordinate secret underground band concerts at Hogwarts. I was friends with Bill and Charlie Weasley; some of my closest friends were Merula Snyde, Asteria Hallow, Barnaby Lee and Penny Haywood. If you don't know who they are, they caused a damn ruckus at Hogwarts because of Asteria's brother Jacob and a teacher who tried to kill them. I myself should have been put into Slytherin but I thought the Snakes were too boring-"
Yaxley blanched at hearing this. Tonks continued.
"-and I got into at least two three month detentions with Snape because whenever he was late to lesson I used my powers to look like him, dressed in his robes and did a parody of his lessons that he really didn't like," the Metamorphagus ended happily as the lift shut behind them. Fortunately they were the only ones in there. "So, what I am trying to say is – I can smell a plot from a mile off, and ooooooh booooooy do you stink!"
Yaxley sneered at her but Tonks didn't give him much chance to make a retort. "You see, I discovered that the milk is actually a cursed potion to create boils and the sweetener had a transformative reactant in it that would trigger the transformation in contact with sugar. When I went to Madam Bones with this information, do you know what she said? File the information away. She never does that unless there is a closed case! What the hell is going on?"
"As if your tiny half-blood brain could understand," Yaxley scoffed.
"Try me," Tonks shot back with far more venom than Yaxley thought she would use. In fact, he could have sworn he saw the exact same glint in her eyes that Bella got when she was getting close to I-am-going-to-get-you level of angry. "Because I might have 'diluted Black blood', dear Yaxley, but I can still kick your butt from here all the way to Japan!"
For some reason, Thalia found this image rather funny. *From here to Japan! Now that would be a sight to see! Yaxley the Death Comet! Hahahahaha.*
Unfortunately, her hissing was heard by both people in the lift. Tonks frowned. "Yaxley, is there a snake in your pocket?"
"No," Yaxley lied instinctively.
Tonks gave him a pointed look. "Wow, that was weaker than the time Merula insisted that she wasn't crushing big time on Asteria. I was always waiting for the day those two would wring each other's necks, but then one day I got an invite to their wedding. I hope you do a better job with your boss, Yaxley, if only to preserve your neck."
Yaxley's lips curled into a sneer but he didn't say anything. Tonks smirked. "Go on. I want to see the snake. I am not going to tattle. If I wanted to do that, I could have gone to Alastor instead of following Madam Bones' orders."
The Death Eater scowled at her, which made Tonks grin only more brightly. "Oh come on! Don't be such a misery guts. Let me see the noodle."
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"No."
"Ugly please?"
"… No."
"Ugly please with a Dark Mark on top?"
"You are such a child."
"Then let me the snake and I will stop."
"That's a lie and you know it!"
"Duh."
All the while, Thalia had been enjoying herself immensely. She already liked the sound of this particular walker – Thalia especially loved her sass and sarcasm – and so the young ball python decided to stick her head out of Yaxley's pocket to see the strange witch for herself. The young walker looked awesome: colourful hair, bright eyes, awesome clothes and a fair face.
*Hello! My name is Thalia,* the young snake greeted happily.
Yaxley was forced to translate, essentially. "This is Thalia-"
Immediately, Tonks started cooing, much to Yaxley's dismay. "HOLY MORGANA, SHE IS SO CUUUUUUTE!" she squealed.
Unfortunately the lift had stopped at this point and the doors had opened to people seeing the most bouncy Auror at the Ministry greeting a young snake while the famous-for-never-smiling Corban Yaxley stood there, looking like he wanted to the ground to swallow him whole.
Thalia preened instantly at the compliments. *Thank you, walker! I have not been called cute yet. Tom is not really one for giving compliments. He turns into Lord Grumpymort the moment he knows someone is getting a letter or a present and he isn't. Nagini says it is to do with childhood trauma.*
Of course, Tonks had no idea what Thalia was saying, but just didn't care. She turned to Yaxley with a grin. "Is she yours?"
The Death Eater deflated. "No. She belongs to … my boss."
As if it was possible, those eyes widened further and Tonks practically started vibrating with excitement. "Oh, she is that Thalia! She is Thalia the comedian."
This took Yaxley by surprise. "Comedian?" he repeated, mentally kicking himself as soon as he said it.
"Oh as if you don't know! She and your boss's other snake have been cracking jokes and puns the entire summer and have been responsible for him slamming his face into pillows!" Tonks informed happily as they headed towards the food courts. "According to Harry, they give him a massive headache sometimes."
Yaxley had a Eureka moment internally.
"What is she doing here with you anyway?" Tonks wanted to know. She lit up. "Is she here to help you butter up some poor lady you have taken a liking to?"
Yaxley spluttered indignantly at that, turning red. "No! Thalia is helping me … with something else."
*We redecorated a little in the toad's office and put some fun stuff on her desk,* Thalia put in eagerly. *This time the mission for Corban and Agent Thalia went off without a hitch.*
Tonks' eyes glinted knowingly. "I see. Well, you should be glad that Madam Bones has decided to turn a blind eye to what it is you are doing or I would be the lucky one to take you in and then snake-sit your adorable little cutie. Now, to business – doughnuts! What kind of doughnut would you like?"
"None."
"Oh come on, don't be a spoilsport!"
"I don't want one."
"Tough, I say pick one."
"No."
"I will make you pick one if you don't do it yourself."
"You haven't got the guts to cast an Imperio!"
"Well, as it turns out, I can because I have legal immunity as an Auror but I was thinking of forcing you with something much more fun. A Tickle Charm!"
Yaxley blanched. "You wouldn't dare!"
An evil smirk spread on the Auror's face; one that was not dissimilar to Bella's. "Is that a challenge? Let's see how diluted my Black blood actually is, shall we?"
Yaxley gulped.
Thalia tittered. *Corban is in trouble, Corban is in trouble,* she sang gleefully.
"So," Tonks stated sweetly. "Pick a doughnut, Yaxley."
Kill me, Yaxley thought internally.
"Chocolate."
"That's the spirit! Do you want one too, Thalia?"
*Ooooo yes, please! Is there one that is rat flavoured?*
Tonks beamed. "I have no idea what you just said, but I will take that as a yes."
###########################################################################
The arrival of Hedwig and Jehoshaphat not long after Corban and Thalia left for the Ministry was actually a welcome distraction to some of the festering frustration and anger that was going through the people staying at Malfoy Manor. Macnair, Rookwood, Rabastan, Reed, Rowle and Dolohov were playing cards and reading in the parlour, babysitting the young wolves watching TV and Mr. Mupples, who was expanding his little clay kingdom. Bella was lying on a nearby sofa, having a rare nap.
The mood was rather solemn, with the exception of the kids laughing and cheering now and again during their Scooby Doo movie.
"I can't believe we are sitting around playing games, and that demon toad still breathes," Dolohov was barely paying attention to his cards, his fingers digging into them. His eyes flashed dangerous.
"Some of our plans are simply not ready," Rowle reminded him coolly. "Mine included."
"Plus, we are not entirely doing nothing," Rabastan added. "Charlotte is working as fast and hard as she can, but kittens are not all that smart."
Dolohov sneered but didn't say anything.
"If you're feeling a little jumpy, you can always come running with me," Reed suggested. "Or we can spar."
"Might take you up on that," Dolohov growled.
It was at precisely this moment that there was a tapping at the window. All eyes – wolves' and Mr. Mupples' included – turned to the grand windows; Bellatrix shot awake in an instant. Everyone lit up when they saw Jehoshaphat, who looked conspicuously a whole lot less angry, and Hedwig at the windows.
Hedwig even raised a wing in greeting. Macnair was up on his feet quite quickly to let the owls in.
"Jehoshaphat! You are back, I see. How is Morpheus?"
"Hooooot!" Jehoshaphat grumbled. "Hoot, hooot, hoot."
Macnair chuckled. "Oh really? Well that is peculiar."
Hedwig rolled her eyes. Macnair turned to her. "How are you, Hedwig?"
"Hoot!" Hedwig reassured.
"Good to hear," Macnair grinned as he opened the window further.
The two owls glided into the room and onto the table in front of the Death Eaters. Much to Rookwood's delight, Hedwig stuck her leg out to him. Jehoshaphat was moodily pecking at the letter and then glaring at his wizard.
Macnair chuckled at his owl's antics as he went to untie the letter. "Always impatient as ever. I would have thought Hedwig would have rubbed off on you a little."
Hedwig hooted with laughter, several people in the room chuckled too, while Jehoshaphat scowled petulantly at the Executioner. Macnair dodged an indignant peck from his owl and then broke the seal on the letter and unfolded it.
Macnair,
Thanks for the update! My friends and me can't wait to see the memory; we just need to find a way to get our hands on a Pensieve. As for Yaxley sending photos to Susan's aunt and Hannah's mum, I hope it pays off because I met Madam Bones last year before my bullshit hearing, and that woman is a battle-axe. Umbridge wouldn't stand a chance against her.
I think we should be generous and just let Antonin pick an Order target. I already have a feeling his statue worked perfectly. Considering the fact his spells are efficient, I don't need to see the memory to know whatever that statue is supposed to do, worked.
As for the Teddy Ruxpin problem, yeah I am not sorry about sending him but I am kinda sorry I have not the foggiest idea how to make him less creepy. Maybe Mr. Mupples can keep him busy? If not, try Luna's toys she sent to you. Apparently they sing things with Nargles and Wackspurts to sleep, whatever that means.
First thing you have to know about my friend Luna, she is a genius but people only see the kooky side to her. It's really depressing because she's cool once you take the time to get to know her.
Anyway, the next set of pranks should be arriving today, so I hope you have a pair of earmuffs or ear plugs because your Lord is probably going to have another temper tantrum. Sorry not sorry.
Civil regards,
Harry
P.S. Call me Harry or Prongslet. Calling me by my surname is getting a little old.
Macnair was practically beaming by the end of the letter. "Good news, Antonin, you get to pick the next Order target!" he announced as Jehoshaphat took off for the safety of the Owlery, soon followed by Hedwig.
The Russian Death Eater lit up in an instant. Bella did as well.
"Are you going to pick my darling niece?" she asked her friend eagerly.
Dolohov frowned a little. "How did you know?"
The answer should have been obvious, in hindsight. "Mr. Mupples told me this morning."
The Death Eater plushie began shaking again, clearly laughing in glee.
"I still have no idea how that plushie seems to know things before they happen," Reed commented, gulping a little.
"Me neither. I have gone through Lucy's library trying to find an answer but none of the possibilities make any sense," Rabastan shuddered.
"Maybe we need to dunk him into holy water?" Dolohov suggested.
Bellatrix scowled and her lips curled into a nasty sneer at hearing that. Rowle, now very tense, gulped a little before answering, "I really don't think Muggle holy water is going to do this situation much good."
Rookwood was ignoring his friends in favour of reading his first letter from their eccentric little enemy.
Hello Rookwood,
Izzy is very right that someone should be polite in a letter. I have to say that I really didn't expect the next prank to be coming from you, but hey, I am not complaining all too much. At least yours didn't explode with glitter and almost got me killed by McGonagall. I also didn't expect you to be the one to send me a plant. I honestly expected that from Malfoy Senior since he is kind of turning into a vegetable!
The Cobra Lily is already a hit with most of my friends, especially Neville. He's a mad Herbologist; his knowledge of plants is bloody encyclopaedic, it's scary sometimes. We haven't name her yet, but we have figured out she loves music – especially singing – and her favourite plant food is dragon dung mixed together with Thestral and hippogriff poop. I have no idea how Neville figured this out but I think it is best not to ask too many questions in that department.
Which means, good news! McGonagall is letting us keep her. I think she is too busy trying to find the street artists – you see, during the night, Hogwarts has been getting a new paint job. I have asked Colin and Dennis to try and get some photos to send to you guys soon. The teachers, apart from Dumbledore, aren't too happy about it and are hunting the culprits and potential suspects.
Little does our Head of House know, two of her Lions are the ringleaders and no – I am not involved. I was just the eagle in the sky, so to speak. Anyway, as I wrote to Macnair, guard your ears because the new pranks are coming today. Yours will be decided soon enough.
Civil regards,
Harry
P.S. Can't wait to see what you send next!
P.P.S. Umbridge is very afraid of anything half-breed, especially centaurs. You see, she got dragged into the Forest by them last year because Hermione tried to save me from her Cruciatus Curse by taking the toad to see Grawp. He is Hagrid's half-brother, a full giant. Don't ask, it's too long of a story to tell right now. Point is, Umbridge was about to attack us because she saw through Hermione's rouse and the centaurs saved our hide.
The Unspeakable genuinely had no idea how to initially react to his letter, but soon began chuckling. So there was more mayhem being caused at Hogwarts that the boy was involved in, but for once, wasn't the ringleader of …
That begged the question, which Lions were the cause of the problem this time? And Hogwarts got a new paint job?! Rookwood was already impatient to see those photographs. Now the knowledge that Umbridge was afraid of centaurs – definitely useful!
Rabastan had noticed his friend begin to chuckle, and made a calculated grab for the letter. Rookwood immediately tried to get his letter back, but the youngest Lestrange dodged out of the way. Bella started giggling madly.
"Go, Basti!" she cheered. "Yes, indeed, Mr. Mupples, Uncle Basti is very fast on his feet!"
Their friends laughed as Rookwood chased Rabastan around the room, all the while the young Lestrange was reading the letter – just in case, Rookwood eventually caught up to him and took the letter before Rabastan could get to the funny bit.
"So the Cobra Lily was a hit … almost disappointed at that … how does the boy know for sure the plant likes the fertiliser though … odd … ooooo, more mayhem at Hogwarts with photos? Damn it, the boy doesn't say when it is going to be sent! HEY! AUGUSTUS! NO FAIR!"
Rabastan was soon pouting because the Unspeakable had indeed managed to catch up – by grabbing his friend by the scruff of the neck and plucking the letter out of his hands.
"Go, Augustus!" the young wolves cheered.
BBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
That all too familiar sound made the entire house freeze.
Macnair and Dolohov blanched within five seconds.
"WHO IS ON GATEWATCH DUTY?!" they wailed in unison.
Rowle rushed over to the window, practically pressing his face to the glass and squinting. "As far as I can see, it's just Roden, Beynon and Holland. No one else."
Both pairs of eyes began blazing immediately.
"I am going to turn Amy into a cowpat!" Macnair exploded. "He, Alecto, Ralston and Lysander are supposed to be out there."
It wasn't long before the parlour began filling up with Dark Lord, Nagini, Death Eaters and the rest of the Greyback pack. Amycus, Alecto, Jugson and Lysander were avoiding the eyes of Macnair and Dolohov the entire time. Lucius and Narcissa both sighed in exasperation, in perfect unison.
"So, I take it there was no one out there to bet on the colours of the vans?" Mulciber looked and sounded extremely disappointed.
Alecto huffed. "We will get to see them anyway!"
"Sleep with one eye open tonight, Alecto," was Dolohov's ominous answer.
Alecto gulped a little.
"Goes for the rest of you," Macnair added, glowering at the other three amongst the guilty party.
"I had better things to do than to stare at a gate!" Amycus shot at his fellow Death Eater.
"You won't be doing much as a cowpat," Macnair answered easily.
Before Amycus could make a retort, the silver orb floated to Narcissa.
"Hello, Mrs. Malfoy! Did you miss us?" came the jovial voice that some of the Death Eaters could have sworn they had heard before.
"Not really," Narcissa responded candidly. "For whom are the deliveries this time?"
The compulsory listing began.
"Well, I have a delivery for the Death Munchers and the Greyback Wolf Gang."
Everyone in the room apart from the kids blanched. Nagini was beginning to titter with laughter while Voldemort's eyes began to glow neon red.
That impudent boy!
"I have a delivery for a Mr. Ralston Jugson!"
Jugson's jaw hit the floor within two seconds while his friends, Fenrir, Reed, Hannah and several of the other wolves began already laughing in his expense.
"Oooooo Ralston's the target now!" Avery Senior laughed gleefully.
"But why?!" Jugson wailed. "He doesn't know me! How in Mordred's name does he even know my name?!"
"Now you know how I feel!" Alecto shot at him.
The listing continued, meanwhile.
"I have a delivery for a Mrs. Bella Lestrange!"
Everyone already braced themselves, Dark Lord and Nagini included, for an outburst. Bella's eyes flashed.
"ANOTHER ONE?! I WILL … mmmm, what is it Mr. Mupples?… What do you mean, your Papa has sent me a new friend?"
Then came the final target.
"I am really sorry about this, but I have a delivery for a Mr. D. L. Red-Eyes!"
A tension descended on the room at record speed. Voldemort once more had his head in a conjured pillow while the continuous noise of Nagini's hissing laughter echoed around the room. The snake was practically spasming on the floor because she was laughing so hard.
*It really … is a pity … Thalia … is missing … this …* Nagini managed to comment when she finally had managed to get enough air.
Voldemort grumbled incoherently, face still in the pillow and wig vibrating with anger. No, he still had not managed to remove that blasted rainbow wig from his head!
Narcissa waved her hand lazily, allowing the Muggles onto her property. It was the werewolves, sans Fenrir, who went outside to gather the boxes this time, the Death Eaters awaiting eagerly. Pettigrew and the lower rank Death Eaters went to help the wolves, as per usual.
As it turned out, the Death Munchers collectively received one hundred boxes, the Greyback Wolf Gang got twenty, Jugson got fifteen – much to his dismay but he could only thank Morgana it wasn't more – Bella only got one to everyone's shock and Voldemort got a total of nine.
*Oh boy,* Nagini commented, eyes shining.
As per protocol, one box of each were brought into the parlour. Hannah carried one of the collective boxes in, Holland carried one of the werewolves' boxes in, Reed had one for Jugson and it was Izzy who had the nerves of steel to bring one over to the Dark Lord, with a little help from Phoebe and Sebastian, because it was quite long.
Voldemort actually did his level best not to glare at the children as they did so.
"So, who gets to start first?" Mulciber asked eagerly.
"I think it should be Bella, since she only has one," Lysander stated while avoiding Bellatrix's gaze.
"Agreed," Voldemort concurred readily. It also bought him some time away from his next humiliation. "Bella, if you pleassse."
*I hope the windows have been better fortified,* Nagini stated dramatically. *Those poor windows can't take anymore abuse.*
The lieutenant looked resigned as she drew her dagger and sliced open the box elegantly, Mr. Mupples rolling up to the box to have a closer look. Rodolphus already was not looking happy at all. Everyone was waiting with bated breath to see what the boy had sent the crazed witch this time.
Bellatrix took a deep breath, trying to reign her temper in, especially for Mr. Mupples' sake, and opened the flaps to peer into the box. She had to blink a couple of times to make sure she wasn't seeing things. It looked like a doll – a very ugly doll. It was a human-esque looking baby wearing a dragon costume. There were a bunch of other items in the box, but the one that caught Bella's eye was a giant square piece of paper.
ADOPTION CERTIFICATE
Bella blanched at this point and then went to see if she could find the name of this ugly, monstrous thing.
Sure enough, she found it quite quickly.
TOM RIDDLE
"Mr. Mupples, what has your Papa done?!" Bellatrix wailed. "I am not mother material to a baby!"
"WHAT!?" came the chorus of scared and surprised Death Eaters and werewolves.
Immediately, everyone crowded around the box, expecting to see a real baby. Much to their relief, it was a doll – which caused Dolohov, Macnair, Avery Senior, Travers, Mulciber and Alecto to start splitting their sides laughing. The werewolves, Fenrir included, also fell like dominoes. Rabastan was not too far behind; he was already sitting down with his head in his hands, trying to contain himself.
Nagini was once again dying of laughter, because she had read the 'adoption certificate'. *Hey, Tom, does that mean you have to call Bella Mama now? Oh, wait, that also means you are no longer an orphan! Yaaaaaay!*
The only ones who weren't laughing, were Voldemort and Rodolphus. Both of them were quietly vibrating with rage. Mulciber was desperately trying to stop himself from laughing, especially when he saw his old friend's eyes begin to glow again.
Fortunately, all the Death Eaters' attention was on Rodolphus and his reaction.
"Hey, Dolph, you have another one in the family!" Rowle teased.
The eldest Lestrange glowered at him.
"This is one way to make up for the fact you two can't get kids!" Amycus added very quickly.
Rodolphus' eyes blazed at this point, as did Bella's. "Shut the fuck up, Amy!" the couple chorused in unison.
"You're not getting a smoothie tomorrow," Rabastan added, also not happy with that insensitive comment on Rodolphus and Bella's fertility issues. Reed too was not so subtly sneering at Amycus.
Voldemort, who was well aware of those issues, decided to intervene before further infighting could occur. He turned to the young wolves, who had been waiting very patiently to see what their big box held.
"Children, your turn," he stated firmly. Fenrir deflated a little, the alpha already internally bracing himself.
The wolves lit up; Holland got to borrow Bella's dagger and sliced into the box with all the kids slightly bouncing on the balls of their feet in excitement. The Death Eaters crowded around curiously and even Nagini slithered ever closer to make sure she had a good view of what the wolf hatchlings had gotten this time. Almost as soon as the kids saw what was in the box, they screamed in excitement as they reached in and started pulling out these strange instruments.
"LIGHTSABERS!"
The Death Eaters almost jumped out of their skin when the kids clicked something on the silver handles and these strange colours appeared from the strange devices, making it look like a sword of some kind.
Reed chuckled at their reaction. "Relax. They're toy replicas of weapons from a very famous Muggle movie series called Star Wars. They're perfectly harmless."
*Harmless!* Nagini scoffed. *They will poke someone's eye out with those things!*
Hannah quickly realised this as well. "Kids, if you want to play with those, you have to do so outside-"
The children ran out of the room, with the adolescent wolves after them in order to keep an eye on them, chatting in excitement as Avery Senior commented with a sigh, "Potter gives the wolves yet more ammunition. Brilliant!"
Voldemort turned to Avery Senior. "Avior, open our collective gift, if you pleassse."
"Yes, my Lord," Avery Senior drew his wand and opened the box with an elegant Cutting Charm.
The Original Death Eater blinked a few times at the contents before realising what they were and relaxed marginally. The boy had sent them more Muggle movies – including this Star Wars Reed was talking about as well as something called Dr. Who and something called Star Trek. There were several other titles that Avery Senior didn't get the time to assess because they were being snatched from under his nose by curious Death Eaters.
"Well, at least we are not covered with goo or something," Travers commented derisively.
"Don't tempt the Fates, Derrick," Rookwood advised as he handed the film box he had been studying to Rabastan.
"Yes, because I still have my box to open," Jugson shuddered.
"Oh yeah!" Dolohov smirked. "This should be good."
"Let ussss ssssee, ssshall we?" Voldemort also grinned evilly. "Ralssston, open your box!"
The movies were temporarily put back into the box as all attention turned to Jugson and his box. The Death Eater prayed to Merlin internally for patience as he was forced to open this accursed box in front of everyone and then lift out what was inside it.
What his box contained were these odd shaped and coloured things that all had the words 'whoopee cushion' on them. This made Jugson frown – these things did not look big enough to sit comfortably on at all.
Reed, Hannah and several older wolves started giggling.
The Dark Lord frowned a little. "What isssss it?" he demanded. "What are they?"
Reed smirked and picked one of them up and placed it on the sofa and then turned to Travers, who was unfortunately the nearest to it. "Derrick, take a seat would you?"
"Why?" the Death Eater, rightly, was suspicious.
"Just do it."
Travers, not wanting to disobey in front of the Dark Lord, did so.
TTTTTTHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP!
In about five seconds flat, the floor was littered with Death Eaters dying; Hannah and the other four werewolves were clutching their sides. Poor Travers was utterly red in the face with embarrassment.
"Derrick let out a big one!" was what Rabastan managed to comment once he had enough oxygen in his lungs.
Voldemort was utterly dumbfounded at what had just happened; Nagini was heaving as she tried to recover from yet another laughter attack.
Reed was smirking away as he turned to the Dark Lord. "That, my Lord, is called a whoopee cushion. When one sits on it, it lets out a noise akin to a fart. It is a classic prank. It seems that the boy decided to send someone he doesn't know very well a very safe prank indeed."
"I sssssee," was all that Voldemort replied with.
"Safe?!" Jugson repeated in disbelief. "It's bloody embarrassing!"
"That's the point!" the werewolves chorused.
It was at this point that Antonin Dolohov lit up. "Ooooo that gives me another idea to send to the toad!" he stated happily.
"Antonin, I think a Muggle whoopee cushion is a bit too overt," Rodolphus, who had managed to sit up, stated.
"No, no, not the whoopee cushion – I will make something that works in the same way but magically," Dolohov grinned.
"Why do you and Walden come up with all the good ideas?" Lysander grumbled.
"Because we actually use our brain," Dolohov shot back easily.
"No, you just have an overactive imagination," Rookwood countered.
Dolohov and Macnair scowled as their friends chuckled at their expense. They almost forgot they still had one box to open. Their Lord's. Voldemort almost did as well, but Nagini was very happy to remind him.
*Tooooom, it's your turn! Don't be a Lord Grumpymort, please! It is rude not to open a gift. Tooooooom!*
Voldemort huffed. *Yes, yes, I am going! Keep your scales on.*
Everybody watched with no certain amount of trepidation as the Dark Lord stepped up to his box and used a Cutting Charm to open it.
There was a moment of very cold silence once the cardboard flopped to the floor, to reveal the contents inside. It was an oak-wood walking stick – the kind one would gift one's grandfather – with a raven head. A lot of eyes widened at see this; Mr. Mupples pre-emptively rolled into Bella's arms, bracing himself.
Steam was coming out of the Dark Lord's ears.
*Oh no, here we go,* Nagini sighed derisively.
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
There went the poor windows once more and the mirror. The kittens being trained by Charlotte, Tsar included, hid in her cloak. Hedwig, Jehoshaphat, Lilith and the others hooted in exasperation. Once more, every witch and wizard on the island had to stop for a moment because they could swear they heard another angry set of dulcet tones.
Andromeda Tonks was not as fussed because she still could not believe that she had gotten reservations – apparently already paid for – for her birthday at Céleste at The Lanesborough for herself and five others with a thank you note from Harry Potter.
Once Voldemort had calmed down, he heard the chuckling of his nemesis.
Like your new gift, Grandpa?
I hate you!
Awww, come on. Lucius walks around with a walking stick all the time, until Draco adopted it. More young people are taking to the trend of trying to appear old.
I AM NOT OLD!
Sure, and Dumbledore is perfectly normal.
Voldemort spluttered at that but once more, the boy had gone before he had allowed his nemesis to make a retort.
The Dark Lord spent most of his evening sulking in his chambers.
###########################################################################
"Ah, Harry! There you are. Right on time, as usual," Dumbledore stated jovially as Harry stepped into his office that evening. The Boy-Who-Was-Rather-Curious-To-See-What-Lesson-This-Would-Be smiled smally.
"Good evening, professor."
"Let us get started immediately. No use in dilly-dallying," the Headmaster stated happily as he waved his hand towards the panel in his office that conceal the Pensieve that he had shown Harry during his fourth year.
The basin dislodged itself from the stone this time and flew like a disc through the air and came to a halt between the Headmaster and the Chosen One to Torment the Dark Side. Harry frowned a little; what kind of lesson would require the use of a Pensieve?
Dumbledore must have seen his nonplussed expression, because the man started to chuckle. "I think you may have figured out these lessons on your enemies are going to be slightly different than what you're used to. There is no textbook on Death Eater Studies, you see," the man joked. He gestured to the giant crystal cabinet that held vial after vial inside of it. "You will see them from how I remembered them, their teachers remembered them and even, some of their peers."
Harry's eyes widened a little. Dumbledore continued to smile serenely. "Of course, we will be starting with Tom, considering the strange link between the two of you."
Harry nodded curtly.
"Just like with every life that has a story to tell, we have to go all the way back to the beginning," the man continued as he fished a vial from the cabinet, a solemn look in those usually twinkling eyes. "In this case, we have to go all the way back to the story of Tom's parents."
This made Harry's eyes almost bug out of his sockets – he hadn't even considered for one moment what Old Snakeface's parents were like. Thanks to Diary Tom, Harry knew that Voldie grew up in an orphanage. Very similar to Harry's case.
"As you may know or at least suspect, the story is not a pretty one," Dumbledore continued. "If you agree to these lessons, I am afraid there is no going back, Harry."
"Is all this dramatics necessary, Albus?" Phineas Nigellus complained from his portrait.
"Shush," Armando Dippet advised him.
The new Lord Black considered for a moment. He knew he would have to find a way to guard these memories should Snape, Voldie or anyone try to get into his head ever again – which meant trying to learn Occlumency on his own. The prospect was already giving Harry a headache!
But the information – it was worth it.
Harry nodded firmly. "I understand, sir. Show me the memory."
Dumbledore smiled serenely and then tipped the silvery substance in the vial into the Pensieve. Harry took a few deep breaths before he took the plunge and put his head into the mystical waters.
########################################################################
Whoohooo the Know Thy Enemy 101 lessons have begun! Corban and Thalia have delivered the next batch to the Ministry and Thalia has made a new friend. Will the kitty army be ready in time and does Mr. Mupples also have a plan? Will Snape discipline Blaise and Millie for their participation in the graffiti competition? Stay tuned to find out.
Oh my gods, these past few days have been turbulent … this month is just weird. Anyway, I hope you guys continue to give me your wonderful ideas and pranks, because they always put a smile on my face.
See you in the next chapter.
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