Delivery for the Death Eaters

by Kingmaker'sUmbreon

What do you get when the Saviour of the Wizarding World becomes dangerously bored, especially when the death of his godfather has already hit him seriously hard, and left to his own devices? Well, Draco Malfoy, the Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort are unfortunately going to find out soon enough!

31. Chapter 31

Remus Lupin Incurs the Black Wrath and Lives To Regret It

Harry, Hermione, Neville and Melpomene – carried by Neville – were on their way to attend Slughorn's dinner Friday evening, all three feeling like they were about to head into battle completely and utterly blind. They had put in some effort to dress nicely, even Melpomene had a nice smelling spray for plants on, but it had felt more like they had been choosing a nice suit of armour to wear to a joust. The only reason that the Boy-Who-Knew-They-Could-Be-Walking-Into-A-Social-Trap, the Most Suspicious Witch of her Age and the nervous Herbologist were not going to Madam Pomphrey for a potion to still their nerves, was because Melpomene was singing a nice soothing aria. The Cobra Lily had been invited along by Slughorn when she had – somehow – managed to save Neville's potion from exploding the cauldron by adding some of her own venom to the brew.

Apparently, Cobra Lily venom was a stabiliser used in many volatile potions; something that not even Hermione had known! It was enough for the Head of Slytherin House to invite Melpomene along to the dinner too, much to the surprise of every student in the room. Not that Melpomene cared – she had continued to sing a Celestina Warbeck song that had gotten stuck in her head.

"I am still not so sure about this. Is it too late to change our minds?" Neville asked nervously as they drew ever closer to Slughorn's office on the sixth floor.

"Considering we are two minutes away from his door, I would say so," Harry responded grimly.

"Look, we will just see how this evening goes and if it ends really badly, we can always make our excuses to Professor Slughorn later," Hermione pointed out. "It would be rude to say yes and then not show up."

Melpomene hummed in agreement.

When the three Gryffindors and their Cobra Lily arrived, they found Slughorn was already conversing with quite a number of students already present. A lot of eyes turned on them, clearly thankful for a distraction from Slughorn's endless babbling. Harry, Hermione and Neville spotted Blaise Zabini and Theo Nott very quickly. They recognised Marcus Belby from Hufflepuff, a Hufflepuff girl they didn't recognise, and Cormac McLaggen from their own House. Flora and Hestia Carrow they only recognised from descriptions given by Colin and Justin.

"Ah! Harry! Miss Granger! Mr. Longbottom! And Melpomene too! We have been expecting you," Slughorn beamed. "How fortuitous; we were about to start on the entrees. I must say the elves really have outdone themselves. I also have to pass on regards from an elf called Dobby to the three of you."

"Thank you, sir," the three Lions chorused while the others looked either dumbfounded or utterly dead inside because they were used to this kind of nonsense by now.

"Now then! I think we are almost complete. Miss Weasley should be joining us, but I think considering how hungry we must all be we should begin tucking in," the Potions Master stated as he guided the students to the dining room area of his office. "Take a seat everyone! Now, where and how shall we seat Melpomene?"

"How about this stool?" Belby suggested, picking up a nearby three legged stool.

Slughorn beamed. "Perfect!"

Harry decided to follow Hermione's lead when it came to picking seats. He was rather surprised that he had Hermione on his right and Theo Nott to his left. Neville sat on Hermione's right with Melpomene between him and one of the Carrow girls, who immediately took a liking to the Cobra Lily and poured her some water. Melpomene shook her petal hood happily in thanks. Blaise and McLaggen ended up next to Slughorn – Blaise was not too happy about it but Cormac was. Harry also guessed it was because Blaise was sandwiched between Belby and the student collector.

The Boy-Who-Had-No-Idea-What-He-Had-Gotten-Himself-Into regarded the dish in front of him with a very confused look. He had no idea what it was, and frankly was a little bit too scared to ask.

"You OK there, Potter?" Nott teased.

"I think I need to have a word with Dobby about colours and toning it down a bit," Harry answered candidly.

"It's just skillet-cooked duck breast with watercress and beets," Nott raised an eyebrow.

"Yes with flower petals over it," Harry huffed. "A little bit insensitive to Melpomene. She might get the wrong idea!"

Before Theo could reply or roll his eyes or feel a modicum of concern for the Boy-Who-Was-Making-A-Fuss-Over-The-Starter's mental health, Slughorn clapped his hands together. "Tuck in everyone! Now, Mr. Nott, how is your father?"

Harry bit into his cheek to stop himself from smirking at Theo's bewilderment. "He is doing quite well, sir, given the state of the Ministry at present," Theo informed, offering as much of the truth as he dared to impart.

"Ah, yes, I heard that there is a bit of palaver going on with the Senior Undersecretary being extremely ill and stressed," Professor Slughorn nodded sagely. "Of course I have not been informed to the extent of her illness but I have heard it has been creating havoc in her department."

Harry, Hermione and Neville exchanged a knowing look, with both Hermione and Neville tucking into their duck in order to maintain a neutral countenance. The eyes of the Carrow twins, Blaise and Theo only briefly landed on the three Lions but didn't dare to linger there longer in case someone picked up on it. Fortunately, Belby was too busy stuffing his face to notice. His female neighbour was rolling her eyes at him and Cormac ignored his three Housemates. Slughorn too did not notice.

Unfortunately for Blaise, it was because the talent collector had turned his attention onto him. "Mr. Zabini, how is your mother faring? I really must offer my condolences for her loss. Losing yet another husband! It cannot be easy."

Blaise flushed a little at this. Harry did not need Hermione's level of IQ to know it was in absolute embarrassment. "It … wasn't easy," Blaise cleared his throat and suddenly became occupied with getting a bit of watercress onto his fork. "Her heart seems to have recovered quite quickly though …"

Cormac smirked. "Doesn't surprise me at all," the boy felt the need to comment. "What is one more to add to the list?"

That comment earned him venomous glares from all the Slytherins in the room. Harry, Hermione and Neville tensed almost reflexively – they could sense in an instant that this subject was not one to be broached lightly. Melpomene had momentarily stopped humming in order to give Cormac a rather cold look.

"I do not know if you two know, Harry and Miss Granger, but Madam Zabini is a very talented opera singer and fashion icon," Slughorn informed, deciding it was much safer to move the subject on a little bit. "She has been rather … unlucky in her love life, shall we say?"

The Boy-Who-Knew-That-His-Teacher-Was-Blatantly-Keeping-Something-Back narrowed his eyes a little but then took one look at the near thunderous and saddened expression on Blaise's face and knew that whatever it was that wasn't being said, was probably incredibly ugly.

"Miss Bobbin, I forgot to ask – how are your parents faring? Harry, Miss Granger, Miss Bobbin's family own several successful apothecaries that are frankly without equal!"

Melinda Bobbin obediently answered all the prying questions Slughorn had for her, even talking a little bit about the new ideas her parents were thinking of. Harry had switched his mind of during the conversation, preferring to listen to Melpomene's cover of Knowing Me, Knowing You by ABBA that she was singing quietly while he ate. Very soon, it was time for the main course and Slughorn turned his attention onto Flora and Hestia, asking about their parents as well.

Apparently Mr. Carrow worked as a senior member in the Accidental Magical Reversal Squad and Mrs. Carrow was a high ranking employee of the Office of Misinformation. Once again, Harry had to bite into his cheek in order to keep a straight face. Oh how deliciously ironic!

"I am rather glad that your parents managed to keep their noses out of the nasty business that your father's siblings got themselves into," Slughorn shook his head derisively as he cut into his pork. "I would have hated to lose more of my favourites …"

No one really knew what to say to that. Melpomene must have sensed the tension because she had reached out a vine over to the crystal jug of water that stood quite close to her and tried to pour a glass of water, with one of the Carrow girls' help, and nudged it carefully in Slughorn's direction. The other twin passed the glass onto the grateful Potions Master.

"What a wonderfully thoughtful plant," he stated bemused. Slughorn then perked up a little. "Mr. Longbottom, I think it is time you tell me a little bit more about yourself. Augusta is still the same old battle-axe, is she?"

Neville flushed red and chuckled nervously. "Erm … yes, sir, she is. As me, well, I don't know what you wish to know, sir. I am quite average in most things – I love Herbology though."

"Yes, Pomona mentioned that you have some of the highest grades in her subject in over two decades!" Slughorn beamed. "What would you want to do with that? Breed plants? Become a supplier?"

"I have not really given it much thought, sir," Neville admitted. "I just know that I want to make them a part of my job. I have considered teaching-"

"Oh lovely! If that is the case, I do know that there are some rather fascinating tomes on some older subjects that concern plants in the Restricted Section of the library. I will give you a permission slip for them," Slughorn stated happily, eyes dancing.

Neville managed to muster a smile. "I would love that, sir. Thank you!"

"You are most welcome!"

Bloody hell, even Fudge wasn't this obvious during his campaign trail, Harry grumbled internally.

What are you moping about this time, Brat?

Ah, it seems that the tables were finally being turned. The Boy-Who-Was-Not-Going-To-Announce-The-Dark-Lord-Had-Joined-The-Dinner-Party wiped his mouth with a napkin in order to hide his smirk.

Voldie, why did you never warn me that the Slug Club is a tedious schmooze fest?

Because for one, I assumed that Horace Slughorn's standards had not dropped to such an extent to invite you, and two, because I see no reason to tell you anything!

And yet you do, Harry could not help but point out.

Unwillingly.

You seemed pretty willing to me.

It was to get you to be quiet!

Which never works!

There was a moment of disgruntled silence from the Dark Lord's end of the Link. Harry sipped his pumpkin juice, grinning to himself. Not that many people took notice of this – Neville had just told a rather funny story about the Chinese Chomping Cabbages, so most people assumed he was reacting to that.

So, did Slughorn pick anyone interesting? came the unexpected next question.

Harry really wanted to start chuckling to himself. Lord Voldemort was fishing for gossip!

Well, that depends on your definition of interesting, Harry answered teasingly. Because he invited Flora and Hestia Carrow, from the Not-Death-Muncher side of the family, Blaise Zabini – whose mother is apparently far more interesting than people are trying to let on-

The Black Widow has a rightfully earned reputation, came the comment of affirmation from Harry's nemesis.

Black Widow? Harry repeated nonchalantly, hoping Voldie would cough up more info.

Rumour has it that she picks a husband, lets them live for a while until they have outgrown their use or she is bored and then she simply … gets rid of them, the Dark Lord could not help but spill the tea.

But other than Neville, Hermione, Melpomene and myself – and Ginny but she isn't here yet – there is no one else interesting. Unless you count watching Marcus Belby inhale his food interesting.

Not particularly.

Yeah, thought as much.

And you are not interesting.

Then you should ignore me.

You make it difficult – you remind me you exist!

Hey, you're the one who decided to use the Link, not me, Grandpa!

STOP CALLING ME GRANDPA!

Upset that you've been called out?

The fiery stinging in Harry's Lichtenburg scar told the Boy-Who-Knew-That-He-Had-A-Pissy-Dark-Lord-Once-More-On-His-Hands that the answer was yes. While Voldemort was quietly sulking, Harry forced himself to at least try and pay attention to some of the conversation going around him.

This was quite difficult because it was the turn of Cormac McLaggen to be put under the spotlight by Slughorn, something Cormac more than thrived under. Funnily enough, Voldemort had not withdrawn in a strop or closed the Link out of petulance and listened in on the conversations along with Harry, actually keeping his mouth shut. The Bane of the Dark figured that old Captain Cueball was stuck in a Death Muncher meeting that was seriously tedious because watching Wormtail faint was by far more entertaining than anything that was coming out of Cormac's mouth.

Issue was, he talked about his father and Uncle Tiberius all the way until dessert, when he had mercifully got onto his family's plans to spend some time with the new Minister for Magic. The only thing that kept Harry awake, was the knowledge that Voldemort found this boy as equally boring as he did!

Harry, cast a Silencio.

… Are you trying to let people know you're in my head?

Well, it isn't out of character for you, Brat!

… Fair point. He is being extraordinarily boring …

Before the Boy-Who-Was-Trying-Not-To-Look-Constipated-While-Hiding-His-Nemsis-From-Everyone could take out his wand and deal with the boring Lion sitting opposite him, Slughorn spoke up.

"Well, give them all my best when you see them, Cormac. Belby, how is your Uncle Damocles doing? I don't know if you all know this, but Belby's uncle is the inventor of the Wolfsbane Potion. Is he working on anything new lately?"

Turn Slughorn's hair green.

Do not tempt me, Voldie!

I should not need to tempt you! You should already be executing it!

You see, this is why you suck at taking over wizarding Britain. You never think before you act! You call yourself the Heir of Slytherin? You're not biding your time and striking at the precise moment.

Rich coming from you!

Not the point, Voldie.

Stop call me that!

No.

"I haven't really spoken to my uncle in years," Harry and Voldemort's squabble was momentarily paused by Belby's answer. "He and my dad do not really see eye to eye on a lot of things. My dad thinks Potions are rubbish and that the only one you need is a stiff one at the end of the day."

Oh boy, Harry could not helping thinking, especially when he saw Slughorn's face.

This one is not going to last long, Voldemort found himself agreeing unreservedly.

It was then Slughorn finally turned his attention onto Hermione. "What about you, Miss Granger? What does your family do in the Muggle world?"

Hermione swallowed a little, obviously quite nervous. In about five seconds flat, Harry tensed up too, ready to jump into protective brother mode.

"My parents are dentists," Hermione answered. When there were confused but intrigued expressions shot her way, she decided to clarify. "They tend to people's teeth."

A look of Eureka suddenly spread onto Blaise and Theo's faces.

Slughorn had a rather nonplussed expression on his countenance. "Fascinating! And is that considered a dangerous profession?"

Not unless your patient is Fenrir, Voldemort found himself commenting.

Harry practically had to stab himself in the leg with one of his spoons to stop himself from laughing.

"No," Hermione then laughed a little. "Although a boy called Robbie Fenwick did bite my father once. He needed ten stitches."

Are you sure he wasn't one of Fenrir's?

Shut up, Voldie!

It is a genuine question, Brat!

At this a few of the magical born and raised tensed up, which caused Harry to ignore Voldemort for a bit in favour of staring down anyone foolhardy enough to make an ill-timed or ill-mannered comment. And just as Slughorn was about to turn his attention onto the Boy-Who-Was-Half-Dark-Lord-sitting-During-A-Dinner-Party, the door opened and Ginny came in rather cautiously, looking stunning in a black dress but rather exhausted.

"Miss Weasley! Come in, come in! Everything all right?" Slughorn asked with a tone of concern.

"Sorry, sir, I had to deal with something," Ginny answered quickly, looking a little embarrassed.

Your friend is lying, Voldemort stated.

No shit.

Harry, Hermione and Neville exchanged a look as Ginny pulled out her chair, flashing a small grateful smile as Theo helped her.

"Well, we are glad you could join us for the rest of the evening. Now then, Harry, why don't you tell us a little bit about the family you live with?"

Harry's eyes widened a little. No, no, no, no, no, anything but that!

Voldemort stayed suspiciously quiet.

"I … really don't want to talk about my family, sir," Harry swallowed. Hermione gave him a covert squeeze of reassurance on his arm. "We … don't get along."

"Oh," Slughorn's face dropped a little. "That is sad to hear. But I am sure things will get better."

Harry tried not to scoff. "Not in this case, sir. There are some … irreconcilable differences. I'd like to just leave it at that."

But it seemed that Slughorn was not going to simply let Harry off the hook. "Well then, tell us a little bit about the young people you grew up with. What were your childhood friends like?"

Harry developed an interest in his dessert and poked it with a spoon. He needed to get his teacher to stop asking questions immediately. Issue was, other than faking nausea and trying to make an escape out of the room, the Thorn in The Side of the Dark Side could see no other way out.

However, for whatever reason, the Fates decided to have mercy on him. Because Blaise Zabini suddenly jumped to his feet. "Professor, I just noticed that you have a piano! May I please play it?"

Slughorn beamed. "Yes. Yes, of course, Mr. Zabini, we do not stand upon ceremony here!"

"Thank you, sir," Blaise shot the Potions Master a winning smile. "I will need a duet partner. Melpomene, would you do me the honour?"

The Cobra Lily shook her petals excitedly.

It was safe to say that Harry Potter had never been so thankful to a Slytherin in his entire life. Meanwhile, Voldemort had quietly withdrawn from his nemesis' head, closing the Link and allowing himself to be surrounded by the chitter chatter of his snakes, picking potential mates again, and the sound of Bellatrix singing Tom the Cabbage Patch Kid to 'sleep'. But none of this he paid any attention, because the Dark Lord was far more interested in finding out why the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Torment-Those-Who-Bored-Him was deadly afraid to talk about his family.

###########################################################################

"OK, we have three bags of Brussels sprouts, a few buckets of cherry tomatoes, and miniature iceberg lettuces – will this do, Big D?"

Gordon, Dennis and Malcolm plonked down Tesco's bags onto the dining table of Piers' house. Dudley and Piers – who was glad the other purchases were already done because they were going to be here a while – had just finished making the melted chocolate of the dark, light and white kind as well as making sure to collect the wrappers and empty luxury bon-bon boxes around the house that Piers' mother left behind. It was a very good thing that Mrs. Polkiss was out for the evening because none of the boys really wanted to be the one to make an excuse that they had taken up an interest in catering or something in order to explain what they were doing.

"Should be more than enough," Dudley replied with a smirk. "Did you guys also get some extra bon-bons?"

"Yes, some Ferrero Rocher but we had to keep them away from Malcolm," Dennis informed candidly.

"I'm fucking starving!" Malcolm protested.

"We can eat them once we're done, Mal," Gordon reminded him with a pointed look as he started preparing the nasty vegetables for their dunking into the chocolate.

Malcolm rolled his eyes but didn't say anything else; he decided to go and see if there was anything interesting on the TV to try and keep himself occupied.

"Remind me again why we are going to scar someone for life?" Dennis added as he started shelling the bon-bons they had just bought.

"Apparently the dude left a broken heart behind," Piers smirked. "Potter didn't take too kindly to the news."

"Big D had better not tell his cousin if he ever breaks up with a girl then," Gordon chuckled. "You never know that you are suddenly on the wrong end of Potter's madness!"

"Doubt he would prank me, but he would come up with something else instead," Dudley found himself agreeing, shaking his head as he carried the first bowl of chocolate over to the dining table.

"St. Brutus's must hate his arse," Dennis chuckled. "Because I doubt anyone there is safe."

"They aren't," Piers confirmed happily as he started dunking Brussels sprouts into the milk chocolate.

"Stupid question," Malcolm called from the sofa, looking away from the X Files. "If this guy was a friend of Potter's dad, and he knows what Potter can be like, which is likely, won't he be throwing the choco-veggies out just to be on the safe side?"

Dennis and Gordon did grimace at this prospect.

"According to Harry, the guy has such a love of chocolate it should be fine," Dudley answered. "Besides, even if we have one dud hit, I am willing to bet there will be another chance to get the guy."

"And we all get cake out of it!" Piers added gleefully, continuing his dipping spree.

"True," Dudley grinned. He then turned quite serious. "All right, gentlemen, we had better get a move on with dipping these suckers because they need to dry, be wrapped and sent in time for tomorrow. I also need to get back in time to start on that crazy cartoon Harry has asked me to do. So, Malcolm – get your lazy arse over here and help!"

###########################################################################

The melancholic cloud bank that covered London Saturday morning aptly described the general mood of one Remus John Lupin. To say that Remus was not happy would be a gross understatement. The mopey werewolf was currently being lodged in Grimmauld Place with a house elf who hated him, portraits who screamed and shouted abuse at him, and only leaving to go on missions for the Order. Furthermore, he had turned down the advances of Tonks and though he cared for her deeply, Remus knew that he could not risk a relationship with her.

What if they had a child and he or she would be … one of his kind? Remus shuddered at the mere thought of it.

On this particular morning, Remus had the radio on – Arthur had brought him one not too long ago – that was currently playing music that really was not helping the depressive mood of the werewolf at all. In an effort to cheer himself up, Remus had made himself some breakfast and made himself a nice cup of herbal tea. All of which somehow managed to taste bland. Perhaps Kreacher had spelled them because the elf was not happy that the werewolf had used the kitchen at all.

"Mangy mutt made the kitchen dirty. Now Kreacher need to cleanse the kitchen of the filth," the grouchy elf kept muttering under his breath.

In order to try and distract himself, Remus got one of the more savoury books from the Black library and settled in the parlour with his book and tea, which normally cheered him up. However, on this occasion, it was just a method used by the werewolf to continue to stick his head in the sand. Not that he would admit to doing it!

Then, at around ten-thirty, Remus' sharp eyes caught something out of his peripheral vision. He looked up curiously and craned his neck to look out of the window. It was a red Royal Mail van that was driving up Grimmauld Place. Thinking absolutely nothing of it – after all the street was full of houses belonging to Muggles – Remus went back to his book.

Then, not even a minute later, the werewolf's sharp gaze spotted the van again, this time it was driving back the way it came. This made Remus frown – was the driver lost? Did he or she accidentally miss the number that they needed? Once more, Remus did not think anything of it, until that same Royal Mail van drove once more up Grimmauld Place.

That van was clearly looking for something. Getting slightly agitated by seeing the same van going up and down, Remus set his book and coffee mug aside and – against his better judgement – went outside of number 12 and waited until the Royal Mail van drove back down the street.

Indeed, it did, with a very stressed out and nonplussed young lady sitting behind the wheel. Remus flagged the van down. Relieved that she saw someone, the driver complied, screeching to a halt almost directly in front of number 12.

"Good morning!" Remus called amicably. "Are you all right, madam?"

"Good morning, sir! No, I am not. I think I must be going do-lally because I know I have the right street but I just can't find the house number for this package that I picked up this morning," the girl answered in a hurry.

Remus frowned for a moment. "What address is on your package?" he inquired, feeling a sense of foreboding suddenly come over him.

"Number 12 Grimmauld Place," came the answer he had been dreading. "But I have gone to and fro around three times now and I still can't seem to find number 12 and I don't think Grimmauld Place has any even numbered houses!"

Remus' heart skipped a few beats.

Oh no.

He didn't …

Then again, he was the son of James and Lily.

Remus pulled himself together and smiled serenely. "I think that package is for me. My friend's son has a … bit of a sense of humour. Not everyone can appreciate it! I am so sorry for the trouble that it has likely caused you."

The girl sighed with relief as she hopped out of her van with a large cardboard box under her arm. "Oh thank Christ! Sorry," she flushed red as she handed the package over. "It's my first day on the job and I thought that perhaps my new colleagues were putting me through some kind of hazing."

Oh you poor girl, Remus commented internally.

The werewolf smiled kindly. "I understand completely. There is no need to apologise. I wish you a good day, ma'am."

"You too, sir. And sorry for the delay!"

Remus escaped back into number 12 as fast as he could, heart racing and looking at the package as though it could explode at any moment. Given that Harry Everyone-Is-A-Target-For-My-Pranks-Including-Depressed-Werewolves Potter was very likely behind it, that was definitely a possibility.

But why would Harry prank him? Had one of the Death Eaters pulled one of their favours with Harry and named him as a target? That was a very likely scenario.

Remus carried the package into the parlour, set it on the coffee table and then sat back down on the sofa, waiting for anything to happen. He waited for a minute. Nothing. He waited for another minute. Still nothing!

Just as Remus was about to draw his wand and use a Cutting Charm on the package, there was a Fire-Call incoming from the Weasley residence. Still eyeing the package with a large degree of suspicion, the werewolf went to answer the call.

"Molly?" he called out experimentally.

"Hello, Remus. Everything all right? Are you there alone?" Molly answered.

"Yes, I am," Remus confirmed.

"Arthur was called into work this morning, regarding an emergency. Apparently there is quite a bit of chaos going through the Ministry. I am sure Tonks told you about it."

"She … didn't," Remus answered sadly.

"Oh. Well, I was wondering if you would like some company? I made another sponge cake and I think this one has turned out rather well," Molly informed proudly.

The werewolf considered for a moment. Against his better judgement, he answered, "sure, Molly. I will open the Floo Network."

Molly's face soon disappeared along with the flames in the fireplace. Remus waved his wand, opened the Floo Network and a few seconds later Molly Weasley stepped out into the parlour with a cake tin and brushing soot from her clothes. "Well, then! Shall I make some tea to have with the cake?"

Before Remus could reply, Molly then noticed the cardboard box on the table behind him and frowned. "Remus, did you get mail?"

"Yes, I did," the werewolf confirmed grimly. "But not by owl. By Muggle."

Molly's eyes widened. "By Muggle?! … Oh no."

"I fear so," Remus confirmed with a sigh. "I was about to open it and see just what Harry has done now until you called."

"Oh that boy …" Molly shook her head derisively. She took a deep sigh. "Well, let us see what he has done before we enjoy the cake."

The Weasley matriarch set her cake tin down on the table and both she and Remus turned their attention onto the package. Remus opened it with an elegant Cutting Charm, both he and Molly bracing for anything that could leap out or explode at any second. But nothing happened.

On one hand, Remus was rather relieved at that because it meant not getting berated by Kreacher any more than he already was. On the other hand, it increased the cause for concern because it meant that Harry had decided to send him something other than a glitter bomb box. Which meant that whatever was contained in the box, was the actual problem.

Cautiously, Remus and Molly peered into the box and promptly started blinking at the contents within.

Ferrero Rocher, Teuscher, Richard Donnelly – there were several other names but Remus did not really pay any attention to them because he had realised what these were. Chocolates! Lots and lots of chocolates!

Judging by his expression, Molly figured this out as well, but she was still extremely suspicious. "Perhaps they are out-of-date chocolates?" she suggested with a tone of uncertainty.

"Perhaps," Remus found himself agreeing.

"They could also be spelled with something," Molly continued, drawing her wand and promptly began casting several Revelation Spells and Finite Incantatems to try and reveal or dispel any curses, hexes, jinxes or charms on the chocolates. However, after several diagnoses and fizzled Finites, Molly frowned in confusion and blinked in bewilderment. "They have no spells on them," she stated in disbelief.

Remus suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. "They likely wouldn't be, Moll. Harry is not James in that regard. He prefers to do tricks the Muggle way, much like Lily did. Which means, the trick is very likely the chocolates themselves."

Remus and Molly then regarded each box with a sense of foreboding.

"How much am I going to hate this?" Molly found herself saying out loud.

"Probably a lot, but I think the purpose is to make it worse for me," Remus replied candidly as he carefully started opening the box of Ferrero Rocher.

"But why would Harry prank you?" Molly wanted to know as she opened the box of Richard Donnelly chocolates.

"Either he has been asked to by one of Voldemort's-"

"Don't say his name!"

"-Death Eaters or he knows that I … rejected Tonks," the werewolf finished sheepishly.

"What?!" Molly could hardly believe her ears. "Oh, Remus! Why?"

"Because I am too old-"

"Oh what a load of nonsense!"

"-and it is too risky with me being what I am!"

Molly sighed in exasperation. "When are you going to stop being a martyr and making your own life so difficult? Tonks clearly does not care about any of those factors or she would not have made her interest in you known!"

"It is too risky!" Remus protested.

"As is trifling with a half-blood that has Black blood in her veins!" Molly exploded. "I am willing to wager that it was Tonks who asked Harry to do this in order to help heal her broken heart."

Remus paled. He had not even considered that as an option! He looked to the tempting gold-wrapped chocolates sadly, very nearly whining on the account of Moony. Perhaps in some ways he really did deserve this humiliation for hurting Tonks …

Before he fully registered what he was doing, Remus Woe-is-Me Lupin began unwrapping one of the Ferrero Rocher chocolates and, praying to whatever merciful deity would take some degree of pity on him, bit into the chocolate ball.

It took the werewolf's very sensitive taste buds a good few seconds to register what he was chewing, before the sirens started sounding in his head – this. Was. Not. A. Chocolate. Bon-Bon! Before he could stop himself, Remus spat out his mouth full, coughing and spluttering, looking down at the "chocolate" orb he had bitten into.

It was green!

Molly looked at him aghast. "Remus!"

"This is not chocolate," he answered weakly. "It's a Brussel sprout!"

Molly's eyes widened and then she looked to the chocolates in front of her. Suddenly, she really didn't think that trying these chocolates was such a good idea. But there was a part of her that still wanted to find out how bad this was going to be. Molly was practically on autopilot when she had unwrapped the smooth chocolate orb from its wrappings, popped it into her mouth and bit into it.

Immediately a sweet ooze spilled into her mouth and caused a shill to run up Molly's spine as she cringed. She forced herself to continue chewing and then to swallow the monstrosity.

"Mine was not a Brussel sprout," she finally managed to say.

"What was it?" Remus' eyes widened.

"Cherry tomato," came the dreaded answer.

Remus paled. That evil little shit!

Molly quickly sprang to her feet. "I need tea and cake to wash this feeling out of my mouth! Morgana's moth-bitten dresses!"

"Agreed," Remus readily concurred.

While the pair tried to expel the putrid taste of chocolate-covered vegetables from their mouths, they had not noticed that Kreacher had watched them with malicious glee and simply could not wait to inform his filthy half-blood master about how the prank went.

###########################################################################

"Has everyone gone to the toilet?"

"Yes!"

"Hannah, we are not going there by car!" Reed laughed.

"Well, it is slightly annoying if the first thing we need to do when we get to the museum is take trip to the loos. Has everyone got everything that they need for the day?" Hannah continued.

"Yes!" the children – and most of the Death Eaters – answered obediently.

*Tom needs a better Glamour,* Thalia piped up.

Voldemort huffed. *My Glamour is just fine!*

*No it isn't, you stole Mr. Fiennes' face!* Thalia countered primly. *That's just plain rude!*

*At least it is better than Fenrir's. He still looks like he is going to chase a child into an alleyway,* Nagini commented.

*Yes, but Fenrir looks like he needs a permanent bag on his head anyway,* Thalia pointed out.

*May I remind you that you both are Glamoured to look like stuffed toys?* Voldemort huffed.*I don't think the pair of you have the right to judge!*

"I have got the Muggle money already," Rabastan informed happily.

"Have we also put an anti-Rodolphus Charm on Rodolphus' wand?" Antonin inquired.

"Yep! And I did the same with anyone else who can't be trusted to behave!" Macnair answered gleefully.

That earned him a death glare from his friend.

The group of Death Eaters and werewolves, with a Dark Lord at the helm, were preparing to set for their outing to the Natural History Museum. The only ones not coming along were Yaxley, the Carrows, Lucius and Narcissa, who all had happily earned Boglins for refusing to come along to the dinosaur museum. They were warned that if the delivery Muggles would come while they were away and the group did not let them in, they would be put under a very extensive Cruciatus. The group who were going out were at least dressed to try and blend in with the Muggles a little and Bella and Voldemort had spent a decent amount of time on the Glamours that needed to go around to make sure they looked good and lasted long.

Balthazar and Avior had been a little bit concerned about Apparating to the museum, but the extensive group appeared in a street nearby that was practically ignored by most people bustling to and fro. It was safe to say that the Death Eaters – except Rabastan – were on high alert for all the Muggles around them just in case, so all the werewolves decided to play Adopt a Death Eater for the day and make sure they could calm them down if they started getting too anxious. Fenrir distracted Voldemort with discussions on recent diplomatic missions, Hannah was dealing with the odd Lestrange family with Reed, Mikah was on Antonin and Walden duty, Izzy and Sebastian talked cars and buses with Augustus, Phoebe and Sophie explained the concept of traffic lights and zebra crossings to the Averys, Beynon and Holland kept Balthazar and Thorfinn company while Roden and another of the older wolves were on Jugson and Travers duty. Roden and the poor wolf were basically pushing Jugson and Travers away from random Muggles who they thought looked at them funnily.

The Greyback pack's tactic had worked because they soon had reached the museum without too much fuss – the traffic lights and zebra crossings did irk the Death Eaters a lot but that was relatively minor. Once the group got to the Natural History Museum and went inside, Dippy provided an ample distraction to the anxiety some of the Death Eaters were still feeling.

Antonin's eyes shone when he saw the giant diplodocus skeleton. "Merlin's untrimmed beard, you were not kidding, Basti! He is huge!"

"Jurassic Park did these beasts a disservice, holy hell!" Avior paled.

Travers snickered. "Good luck chopping that one's head off, Walden!"

"Shut up, Derrick!" was Macnair's very quick answer, not looking away from Dippy.

"Yes, Mr. Mupples, you were absolutely right, Dippy is fantastic – Dolph, stop looking like you swallowed a lemon and say hello to Dippy!"

"Mr. Jugson, you are not allowed to touch Dippy!" Izzy, Sebastian and Phoebe chorused as they pulled the Death Eater away from the dinosaur because the idiot was ignoring the very blatant barrier.

*Tom, your men are getting handsy!* Nagini piped up as she watched the three wolves drag the disgruntled Jugson back.

"Can you imagine this thing walking around?" Thorfinn shook his head in disbelief. "The entrance of the Museum would just be gone!"

"The entrance? Look at that tail! Most of the hall here would be demolished if the beast swings it!" Balthazar pointed out.

"OK, everyone!" Hannah came bustling back with some guide books. "The Museum is split into three zones: Red, Blue and Green. Each one has a different theme and different exhibits. The dinosaur bones are in the Blue Zone – Earth Hall in the Red Zone also has a Stegosaurus skeleton. Red Zone is mostly centred around humans and the Earth itself. The Green Zone is mostly about the evolution of the planet and the Blue Zone is about life diversity."

"I think everyone wants to see the dinosaurs so I think we should start in the Blue Zone," Voldemort stated as he, Balthazar, Augustus and Antonin took one of the guide books from Hannah.

*Yay, Tom sounds normal for once and not like he needs fifty cups of coffee!* Thalia hissed happily.

*And he sounds like Mr. Fiennes too,* Nagini added.

Thalia sighed dramatically. *So not only has Tom taken his face, he has also taken his voice. So rude!*

Voldemort ignored his snakes, counting to sixty in his head in Parseltongue.

"Dinosaurs first!" the kids agreed.

No one disagreed, so the group followed Rabastan and Reed's lead and first went to the Blue Zone. The Muggles were ignored and forgotten in favour of the Iguanodon tooth, the giant skulls of a Triceratops and a T-Rex and of course the giant Scolosaurus skeleton. Roden, Holland and another wolf had to now and again drag Jugson, Travers and Lysander (on the odd occasion) away from Muggles complaining about being bored and that the fossils were stupid. Bella and Rodolphus almost started another argument when Rodolphus called the Scolosaurus the "ugly cousin of Dippy", which was only diffused by Izzy asking Mr. Mupples and Bella which of the dinosaur skeletons was their favourite. Sebastian, Phoebe and Sophie, together with Beynon, were also keeping eagle eyes on Thorfinn, because the Galvanist had almost used his Galvanic talents to make the Scolosaurus talk!

"Thorfinn, no! Are you trying to attract attention?"

"You will start a panic!"

"You will get your magical police called down here!"

The Scandinavian Death Eater was less than amused at being tailed by four annoyed werewolves. Thalia, who had seen everything, had tittered. *Once again the wolf hatchlings prove that Tom's men make the Triceratops and T-Rex skulls look extremely clever.*

Thalia lit up. *Hey Nagini, Mr. Mupples, what do you call an obnoxiously arrogant dinosaur who likes to spew big words unnecessarily?*

Mr. Mupples braced himself. Nagini hissed happily. *No clue, Thalia, tell us!*

*A thesaurus!*

Bloody hell, Mr. Mupples commented to himself.

Thalia wasn't finished. *What do you call a group of singing dinosaurs?*

*Thalia, please,* Voldemort begged.

*A Tyranno-chorus Aria!*

Voldemort began sobbing internally while Nagini chuckled and Mr. Mupples had no idea how to react. The Dark Lord was almost relieved that they soon moved onto the rest of the wild life exhibits and away from the dinosaurs and onto mammals. Voldemort practically fled from the room on human biology when he saw the look in Thalia's eyes that she had some jokes lined up.

He practically jumped at the chance to help Bella pick out a present for her wayward sister, blood traitor or not. However, it also gave Thalia an opportunity to bet if he was going to hex any Muggle children for being annoying, so that was the downside.

#########################################################################

"Still could not find those bloody poems … Holy Hekate, I could get used to this peace and quiet!"

"Shut up, Amy."

The Dark Lord and their colleagues and allies had been gone for a good few hours. Narcissa and Alecto were reading fashion magazines in the parlour, Lucius was actually reading one of Augustus' political Muggle magazines while ever so slightly tipsy and Yaxley had been doing paperwork in the parlour when Amycus had come into the room after helping Crabbe and Goyle Senior with some tedious Ministry business. Amycus collapsed into one of the armchairs, pouring himself a drink.

"Any new updates on Madam Zabini's hunt for a new sucker?" Amycus asked the ladies curiously.

"No, none," Narcissa answered crisply as she turned a page of her magazine.

"At least, none that has been reported," Alecto added with a sigh.

"Not that it is any of our concern," Yaxley stated, looking up to shoot Amycus a pointed look. "How about you continue working on the curriculum reformation for the Dark Arts class instead of poking your nose where it isn't wanted? It's not conducive to our Lord's ambitions."

Amycus rolled his eyes. "Mine are practically ready, Corban. How about you focus on obtaining that job in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and keeping Bones on side?"

"I am," Yaxley reassured coolly. "I was chosen for a reason, dear Amy. This mission needs a subtle hand, which you absolutely do not have!"

Amycus' lips curled into a sneer. Narcissa huffed in exasperation. "Gentlemen, settle down, if you please! I may not have the authority to hand out Boglins but if you cannot behave yourselves, go to your chambers."

"We are not children, Narcissa," Amycus answered coolly.

"Then I suggest then you don't act like one … Amy."

Amycus glowered at her but didn't say anything. He reached out for the book on Egyptian mythology on the coffee table – left by one of the wolves – and reluctantly picked it up and began to read it in order to suppress the rising feeling of boredom that he was experiencing.

The Carrows, the Malfoys and Yaxley remained in each other's company in almost complete silence with the only noises being the gossiping guards walking past the door now and again and the sound of pages being turned. All five of them once again almost lost time, which meant their guards were almost well and truly down.

Moody would have bashed the CONSTANT VIGILANCE hammer around their heads. However, Moody's job was taken by something else – someone else.

BBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG!

Amycus, Alecto, Corban, Narcissa and Lucius all jumped sky-high, magazines and books flying up into the air as well. Guards froze, Wormtail started whimpering in fear and the peacocks all sighed in resignation.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Amycus growled. "That bloody boy!"

"It seems that the Brat has learned how to time his moments perfectly," Yaxley stated dryly.

"I doubt he foresaw this, Corban!" Alecto commented snarkily.

"Well, maybe Mr. Mupples told him?"

"Don't be an idiot, Amy," Lucius sighed.

It was at this point that the silver orb floated over to Narcissa.

"Hello, Mrs. Malfoy! I see your young guards are off duty today," one of the Muggles joked.

"Indeed. They have gone out to a museum," Narcissa stated crisply. "I take it this means that you have some more packages for my guests?"

"We do!" the voice confirmed. The listing began. "I have a delivery for a Mr. Avior Avery."

There was a moment of stunned silence; Lucius and Yaxley pinched the bridge of their noses.

"Avior's going to be happy that he is finally a target," Alecto deflated.

"I have a delivery for a Mr. Corban Yaxley!" stated a young female voice.

"Oh bloody hell!" Yaxley huffed, Amycus and Alecto smirking away.

"I have some letters and magazines for a Mrs. Bellatrix Lestrange!" another Muggle piped up.

"I think we need to message someone to extend the effects of the anti-Rodolphus charm on his wand," Lucius was once again pouring himself another drink.

The Muggle was not finished, unfortunately. "I also have a delivery for – and I am sorry about this, ma'am – All The Death Munchers."

"A Crucio will be the least of the boy's worries when I ever get my hands on him," Amycus growled.

"Shut up, Amy," Yaxley stated coldly.

Narcissa waved her hand, letting the Muggles onto the grounds once more. She knew fully well that the Dark Lord had been serious in his threat to put them all under the Cruciatus if she was foolhardy enough to send the Muggles away. The job of collecting the packages was of course left to Wormtail and the guards. None of the five Death Eaters present were going to debase themselves by touching those damn things!

Avior had five boxes, Yaxley had around ten, Bella had one or two envelopes and the boxes for all of them amounted to around thirty. Narcissa was extremely surprised that the Potter boy was showing some level of restraint. The number of boxes in this round of delivery was … suspiciously low in number.

Alecto sneered at the envelopes for Bella in the hands of one of the lower rank guards. "We should just Incendio those envelopes and be done with it. It will save Bella some trouble as well."

"No, Alecto," Narcissa sighed, sounding like an exhausted mother telling off her petulant daughter.

"What Bella doesn't know, won't hurt her," Amycus sneered.

"How many times do we need to say it? Shut up, Amy!" Yaxley growled. "As if Bella would not find out. And if she doesn't, our Lord will and dare I say that he will not be very pleased with you when he does!"

That made both the Carrow twins flinch and reconsider doing anything to the new batch of pranks.

"I suppose that means – hic – we wait," Lucius stated tipsily. "While we wait I think – hic – that some coffee is in – hic – order. NANSI!"

CRACK!

"Master summoned Nansi?"

"Some strong coffee – hic – is need without – hic – delay!"

"Right away, Master!"

POP!

"And what if I would prefer tea over coffee?"

"Shut up, Amy."

"It is a perfectly reasonable question, Corban!" Amycus protested.

Nansi was back with a tray full of coffee cups and a nice pot of coffee in record time and everyone settled with some coffee, waiting for their friends and allies to return from their trip whilst trying to ignore the presence of the boxes. This was not an easy feat; they lurked in a corner like a menacing spooky serial killer from one of the Muggle horror movies.

The atmosphere only tensed up even more when Teddy Ruxpin – who had once again somehow managed to escape the extensive Body-Bind that Amycus had put on him – appeared right next to the Death Muncher who had imprisoned him.

"For fuck's sake!" Amycus grumbled. "Thought I had him this time."

"It is very quiet today," the bear remarked.

"Yes, and we would have preferred it to stay that way, but alas, we are not allowed to have nice things," Alecto growled.

"He, he, he, he, he, he," was the bear's answer.

"Circe, you need to see a bear Healer," Lucius muttered as he poured himself another drink.

Teddy Ruxpin simply stared at him for that comment.

Fortunately for the five grumpy Death Munchers, they only had to wait for another forty five minutes for the Dark Lord, the Greyback pack and their friends to return home, all chatting happily and excitedly. There were more than a few disgruntled and dulcet tones about 'idiotic Muggles', 'screeching crotch goblins' and 'these stupid Muggles clearly do not know what a Diricawl is', but that was to be expected from the usual suspects. Augustus and Balthazar included this time, though – they really did not like facts being misrepresented.

The extensive group clearly froze when they saw the boxes in the main entrance hall because there was a moment of silence.

"So the Muggles did pop by today!" Rabastan was the first to comment.

"And those sour lemons had the sense to let them in," Macnair added.

The group immediately went to the parlour.

"Who were the targetssss?" Voldemort demanded to know as he breezed in, ignoring the bowing and curtseying, with the others following closely behind.

"Avior, my Lord," Yaxley informed immediately, causing chuckles to start rising – Avior paled in shock. "I have also been targeted again-"

"Thank fuck for that!" Fenrir sighed with relief; he had dreaded being targeted again.

"Bella has been targeted-"

"Mr. Mupples, you said I would only get good mail today! What do you mean it is?! Pranks are not good mail!"

"Here you go, Bella," Narcissa sighed, handing her manic sister the envelopes, which Bella blinked at in confusion.

"And lastly, we have all been targeted," Yaxley finished derisively.

"All?" Rowle repeated, eyes widened.

"Yes, the majority of the boxes are for us all collectively," Alecto grimaced.

"How many red, white and brown vans showed up?" Antonin wanted to know.

Amycus sneered at him. "We did not check."

Antonin scowled. Macnair was not best pleased either. "Do you actually want to be turned into a cowpat?!"

"Gentlemen, settle," Balthazar stated with a voice of authority, seeing Voldemort's face twitch. "Bella, how about you go first this time seeing as you only have an envelope?"

Bella didn't see much reason to argue. She handed Mr. Mupples over to Reed and carefully tore open the envelope while everyone watched in anticipation to see what she had been sent. The answer: leaflets.

"What the …?" Macnair deflated. "Boring!"

"IVF treatment …" Bella whispered. "What … what is IVF? What is this?"

"Oh it's a type of treatment often given to couples or people with fertility issues," Hannah explained. "In vitro fertilisation. It's a medical procedure the Muggles came up with. Basically what happens during it is exactly the same as it would happen … normally, only in a glass tube or petri dish or something."

Bella's eyes started to shine in disbelief and … hope.

Thalia looked horrified. *How is that supposed to work? The hatchling needs a sack, not a tube! How is it supposed to get its foods? Why are walkers so weird?!*

"Is this some kind of joke?" Rodolphus demanded. "Because if it is, it isn't funny!"

"It isn't a joke," Reed reassured. "Muggles are quite resourceful when they really want to resolve an issue. Fertility for some of them is also an issue."

"I fail to see the down side," Amycus sneered.

"Shut up, Amy," chorused a few people.

"Well, we will look into thisss IVF and do sssome resssearch," Voldemort stated. He then turned to Yaxley. "Which packagesss are for Avior?"

Yaxley pre-emptively had prepared an Accio for Avior's package, as well as one for himself and two of the boxes for the collective prank and executed it almost as soon as his Lord had asked the question. As such, Avior happily cut open his box and eagerly peered inside and then frowned in abject confusion.

He started lifting out egg cups, condiment shakers, pink lemonade and towels – all with one hideous pink character on them covered in yellow spots, creepy googly green eyes, en evil smirk and a clownish bow tie. There were VHS cases with Mr. Blobby and Blobbyvision on the front.

*Wow, I will never say that Tom looks weird ever again,* Thalia commented.

*This is a freak of nature,* Nagini agreed.

Cue a few panicked young wolves – and a panicked Mikah.

"NOOOOOOOO! NOT MR. BLOBBY!" Mikah wailed, ducking behind the sofa with the kids. "Teddy Ruxpin is already bad enough!"

"I once had a nightmare that Mr. Blobby wanted to hug me," young Phoebe shuddered in fear.

"I once dreamt that Mr. Blobby was helping the Bogeyman steal kids," one of the adolescent wolves, Stephanie, added.

"I dreamt he wanted to eat my soul," Sebastian informed darkly.

"Well thank fuck we did not get a toy of this guy then!" Jugson breathed a sigh of relief. "Another cursed plushie is just not something we can handle."

Avior gulped and decided to put everything back into his box just in case. The attention quickly turned onto Yaxley. The Death Muncher prayed to any deity who would listen for patience has he cut open his box with a Cutting Charm – wondering if this was the price he had to pay for asking Potter to prank Lupin – and dared to have a look inside.

He took one look inside and saw nothing but grey, round tubs with Sudocrem on the labels.

Oh no …

Surely this wasn't …

Yaxley's face must have been going red because people had started to peer into the box themselves, frowning in confusion. Well, the Death Munchers and the snakes were confused. Some of the former Muggle werewolves … were not. They started splitting their sides laughing.

"Care to share with the class?" Rabastan had inquired in a faux-sweet tone.

"That … is … anti-rash … cream," Reed answered once he managed to get back some oxygen. "Specifically … diaper rash."

That broke the rest of the room in two seconds flat – not even Voldemort could keep a straight countenance. Thalia did not even gather enough air to make a joke. Yaxley's face was now beetroot with steam coming out of his ears.

"POTTTERRRRRRRRR!"

The windows once again started to crack, the mirror almost split in half and everyone could have sworn that the foundations were shaking a little.

That left the last boxes, which Voldemort approached this time. His followers were picking themselves up off the floor as he did so, Thalia and Nagini also recovering. Voldemort hated to admit it, but he was curious to see what had been delivered this time that was meant for everyone.

The answer: posters. More to the point, custom-made posters.

Voldemort held up a few. There was one of Thalia – an accurately done one – with the young snake on a stage in front of a microphone with the words 'Courage is the ability to tell jokes despite no one speaking your language' over and around the image. That one got a few coos and a very pleased Thalia.

*The artist has captured Thalia's good side,* she stated happily. She lit up and went to her mike again. *Hey Nagini, what do artists have in common with vampires?*

*No idea, Thalia, tell me!*

*They both can draw blood!*

Voldemort distracted himself with a second poster. There was one of Rabastan – the Death Muncher happily making smoothies with the words 'Mastering the art of smoothie making is still art!' on the poster. Rabastan lit up at that one.

The third was of Bellatrix and Mr. Mupples going through paperwork – with some poor sap on the Rack in the background – and the words 'True loyalty often means you are unappreciated' above and under the image.

The fourth had everyone except Amycus laughing away. It was of him with a bunch of cartoonish horses with bright colours, with the background being a horrific pink, and the words 'Don't worry, Amy, your imaginary friends love you' in purple swirly letters above the image.

Voldemort hated to admit it, but these were genuinely funny.

You should hang one up!

Not on your life, Brat!

Awwww, come on! … Hey, can my last request be that you hang one of those posters in your study?

No.

Spoil sport.

Voldemort firmly shut the link. People either dispersed with some posters or they decided to go and do something fun for themselves. Bella dragged a few people – and bribed them – into posing for a portrait Mr. Mupples wanted to draw, Narcissa went to go and hunt down a present for her sister, and Balthazar went to his room to quietly contemplate about whether or not to answer Potter's letter once more.

###########################################################################

"Are you surprised that I picked the Lestrange boys, Harry?"

"Perhaps a little, sir," the Boy-Who-Was-A-Little-Bit-Perplexed-At-The-Order-Of-Death-Muncher-Importance-In-These-Lessons replied.

"Not really surprising. I would have shown the memories of Barty, but sadly … he is no longer with us," Dumbledore sighed. "To know Tom's way of thinking, one has to look at his most loyal. Including the Lestranges."

In went the first memory into the Pensieve. "Nothing too untoward happened during Rodolphus' Sorting, as you know. Indeed, Rodolphus actually caused a minimal amount of fuss at school. Rabastan, on the other hand, took everyone by surprise and actually had a slightly tougher time in the beginning."

Down went both of the wizards.

- First memory -

Harry watched as young Rabastan approached the stool with a feigned look of self-assurance, but there was a clear sliver of fear and doubt in the young Lestrange's eyes. Once the Sorting Hat touched his brow, what seemed to occur was a mental battle between the Hat and the young boy. Rabastan was on that three-legged chair longer than Bella had been, longer than even Harry had been. So much so, people started whispering.

"I know what your father wants, boy. I saw his head clear as day when I looked in it when he was your age," the Hat had whispered out loud. "We are here talking about

your potential, and your path does not lie in Slytherin. You should be proud – the first Lestrange who is not a Snake."

"No, please," Rabastan whispered back.

"RAVENCLAW!"

There was a moment of shocked silence as Rabastan stepped down from the stall in a daze. Disbelieving whispers started up.

"A Lestrange not in Slytherin? What the hell?!"

"Shut up, Evan!"

"He should be allowed a Resorting."

"Xander, that goes for you as well."

"This has-"

"-got to-"

"-make the-"

"papers!" two Gryffindor twins snickered.

"Gideon, Fabian, you are not helping," said twins were schooled by a girl sitting near them.

Red with embarrassment, Rabastan trudged over to the Eagles, head ducked in shame. He only looked up when he was nudged by young Barty, who smiled brightly at him. "Come on. Don't let those Dementors see you down! Head up! You are still a Lestrange, only now you're in a place not full of self-entitled knuckleheads."

Rabastan smiled softly. "My brother is one of those knuckleheads, Barty."

"Yes, but you knew he was a knucklehead anyway!" Barty pointed out.

"Welcome to Ravenclaw! I am Gwydion Hallow," the Prefect had come over to sit with them, smiling brightly.

Barty and Rabastan gaped in awe. "You're a Hallow, and you are an Eagle?!" Barty could not believe his ears.

Gwydion grinned. "Indeed. We normally Snake purebloods need to stick together. Don't worry about Professor Flitwick. He is extremely fair; your family doesn't influence his decisions. It's rather refreshing actually."

Rabastan actually permitted himself to smile at that.

-End of the first memory-

Harry turned to the Sorting Hat. "You really know how to cook up trouble," he stated with a tone that was almost impressed.

The Hat scoffed. "I still want to put you in Slytherin, boy. So I would watch your tongue."

Dumbledore chuckled. "It is true, you do have a penchant for trouble," he agreed, looking to the Hat. "Trouble that mostly came in the form of one Reinhardt Lestrange II. Rodolphus and Rabastan's father."

Harry sobered up quite quickly in preparation for memory number two.

-Second memory -

"This is absolutely ridiculous. Ridiculous, you hear? There is no way in hell that my son is a damn Eagle!"

Harry did not like Mr. Lestrange already. Reinhardt Lestrange was an older Rodolphus, only somehow much meaner and not that much of a looker if he had to be honest. The looks must come from the mother's side. Harry and Dumbledore stood in Flitwick's office, the part-goblin wizard staring down this giant of a man as though he were nothing more than an annoying Chihuahua.

"May I remind you that Evangeline was one of my Eagles in her time?" the Head of Ravenclaw shot back easily, attempting with all his might to keep an even tone. "I am sure that you are disappointed that Rabastan has not followed in Rodolphus', yours or even your father's footsteps but it would seem he takes more after his mother in many regards. Or are you suggesting that there is. Something. Wrong. With. My. House?!"

Reinhardt Lestrange, though he was furious that Flitwick had the gumption to mention his wife, had the decency to gulp as the part goblin teacher rose to his feet, looking slightly comical on his book stack but still intimidating.

"No, sir," Reinhardt Lestrange answered as though he were still a student being reprimanded for his poor behaviour in class.

"I should hope not!" Flitwick harrumphed. "My word, the Hat should put the young ones in different Houses more often. The level of entitlement – bah!"

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" Flitwick called, not at all concerned he still had an angry Lestrange in his office.

Cautiously, Rabastan, Barty and a few other students stuck their heads around the door. "Sir, is this a good time? We have a few questions about the homework you set."

When Rabastan caught sight of his father, all the colour had drained from his face in seconds. Harry noticed Lestrange Senior's eyes turn even colder than before, shooting his son a comparable look to one Uncle Vernon gave him: hateful. Eleven-year-old Barty full on scowled at the man.

"Children, come in, come in! Mr. Lestrange and I have just concluded our business."

"No we have not!" Mr. Lestrange argued, glaring at the Head of Ravenclaw.

"Well, I say we have," Flitwick stated brightly. "Please see yourself out, Mr. Lestrange, and close the door behind you. A child's education waits for no one, as you yourself know."

Reinhardt Lestrange's lips curled into an ugly sneer. He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him, causing Rabastan to jump almost five feet into the air, with his peers attempting to calm him down. Flitwick frowned at this but decided to leave it for now.

"Children, how may I help?"

-End of second memory-

"Are all the Death Munchers' parents O-grade arseholes?" was Harry's first question.

Dumbledore chuckled while most of the portraits gave him a dirty look. "Most are indeed unpleasant," he agreed. "But very little of them take sadistic pleasure in causing their children pain. Not even Cygnus Black took any pleasure in what he did to his daughters."

Harry frowned as the third memory went in.

-Third memory-

Rodolphus and Rabastan were sitting with Professor Flitwick, looking over some career path leaflets. Rabastan was around twelve or thirteen, and had his eyes on career options centred around spell creation and Ancient Runes, but after a certain period of time, the young Lestrange's face simply fell.

"What is it, Mr. Lestrange?" Professor Flitwick noticed the change in demeanour instantly.

"It's all a pipe dream," was the boy's sad answer.

"What is?" his Head of House asked kindly as his elder brother's brow furrowed.

"Me doing a job I actually like," Rabastan answered candidly, eyes swimming with unshed tears. "The last thing my father wants is for me to be happy. He will never let me do any of these jobs."

Flitwick frowned with concern. "I highly doubt Reinhardt would object-"

"You don't understand, sir," Rodolphus cut across gently. "Our father … well …" he swallowed a little. "He is … set against Basti."

"Set against?" Flitwick very nearly fell from his chair. "What do you mean, Mr. Lestrange?"

"He hates me," Rabastan answered bluntly, sniffing. "Hates me to the point he wants to kill any hope of happiness in me."

"What? Mr. Lestrange, I don't understand," indeed, the Head of Ravenclaw looked set to short-circuit.

The two brothers exchanged a look before Rodolphus spoke. "Please don't … tell anyone … but Father he … blames Basti for our mother's death."

That very nearly sent Flitwick toppling off his book pile. "What?!"

"Yeah," Rabastan deflated. "She died giving birth to me, so it must be my fault. It is made even worse by the fact that I look like her … and now I am in her House …"

"Grief drove him mad," Rodolphus continued. "When Basti was younger he tried to harm him physically but … I set his cloak on fire … saying if he ever laid a hand on Basti again he would regret it."

Flitwick had no idea how to answer this.

"Who else knows?" he wanted to know.

"A few of our close friends. No one else," Rabastan sniffed.

"No members of staff?"

"No, sir. Except you. Now."

Flitwick softened. "I am honoured, Mr. Lestrange, and I do not wish to break your confidence. But I do feel like I need to at least inform the Headmaster. Just in case."

None of the Lestrange boys looked happy about this.

"OK, sir," they eventually agreed.

-End of third memory-

"Why do I have the slight suspicion it actually goes downhill from here?" Harry commented as soon as he saw Dumbledore's face once they were out of the Pensieve.

"Because it did," Dumbledore sighed. "I witnessed one of the only times Rodolphus … transgressed the rules."

Once more Harry braced himself.

-Fourth memory-

"I hardly think that this is a matter that warrants me putting an important meeting on hold to meet you, Dumbledore!"

"On the contrary, Reinhardt, it is incredibly important," Dumbledore answered crisply and nodded in the direction of Rodolphus. Rabastan, crucially, was nowhere in sight. "Your son was involved in a rather serious altercation with fellow students."

Rodolphus displayed no emotions what so ever.

"And what was this 'serious altercation'?" Reinhardt Lestrange demanded.

"Mr. Avery, Mr. Rosier and Mr. Carrow thought it was appropriate to pick a fight with a group of students younger than they – all because of a difference in blood status," Dumbledore informed. "Mr. Rodolphus – according to witness testimony – conjured a snake to bite one of the students."

"I fail to see the issue," Reinhardt sneered.

"Do you?" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. "How disappointing. I expected better from you, Reinhardt."

Rodolphus actually smirked a little at that but very quickly resumed a neutral expression.

"A student could have been seriously injured, perhaps even killed, because of that snake venom," Dumbledore stated. "While I encourage research and knowledge into all kinds of magic, the practise of Dark Magic on the grounds of Hogwarts is regulated for a reason. If you had wanted it to be more prevalent in your son's education, you should have sent him to Durmstrang."

"Perhaps I should have!" Reinhardt agreed coldly. "I see no issue in using the filth as target practise."

"Miss Swinton is not only a half-blood but she was an innocent bystander, for your information," Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.

"I know," Rodolphus spoke up for the first time. "She wasn't my target."

Dumbledore looked suitably surprised. As did Rodolphus' father. "What?" he growled. "If you were not aiming for her, who did you aim for? Are you trying to bring shame upon our House?"

"You are doing that job yourself," came the ballsy, blunt answer. Rodolphus smirked. "I am engaged to Bella – she and I have our future secured. You? All you do is languish in that bitter old shell!"

Reinhardt was red with rage.

"I am your Paterfamilias and your Father, and you will show me some respect!" Reinhardt spat.

"I will respect you when you show Basti a modicum of care!" Rodolphus spat back. "Which is never!"

"Leave the weakling out of this!"

Rodolphus' eyes flashed dangerously. "Insult him again, and you will regret it," he promised in a dangerously quiet voice.

Dumbledore sensed the danger too. "Now, I think we are all getting a little bit too excited – would any of you like a cup of tea?"

Both Lestranges were too far gone.

Reinhardt Lestrange's eyes hardened. "He should have died in Evangeline's place!"

Before anyone could react or stop him, Rodolphus had unsheathed his wand and with some unknown spell, had sliced into the right side of his father's face, over his eye. Reinhardt Lestrange was soon on the floor of Dumbledore's office, screaming in pain with Rodolphus glowering at him with disdain and Dumbledore Fire-Calling Madam Pomphrey for immediate assistance.

-End of fourth memory-

"Well … he was warned," Harry found himself stating simply.

"He was," Dumbledore agreed with a sigh. "I did put Rodolphus in two months' detention with me for it. On top of the detention that resulted from the altercation. I could not simply let him get away with it, despite the circumstances."

Harry found himself nodding in agreement, feeling a little sick to his stomach.

"By the way, Harry, very soon I will be doing some travelling – I have arranged for Severus to bring you a Pensieve and some memories to study while I am away," the Headmaster informed.

Harry was a little surprised. "How long will you be gone, sir?"

"A week. Maybe two. Depends," Dumbledore responded mysteriously. "But I expect a full report on all your feelings and discoveries from each memory."

Harry deflated a little. "Yes, sir."

###########################################################################

The 15th of September was never a date that had mattered to Draco – his estranged Aunt Andromeda had never been mentioned since she had been cast from the Black family fold for marrying that Mudblood husband of hers. However, for the first time in his life he was forced to reckon with it because the Sunday before the 15th was the date he was summoned to Dumbledore's office to meet his mother in order to attend Aunt Andromeda's dreaded birthday dinner.

Another thing Draco owed Harry I-Want-To-See-Draco's-Soul-Shrivel-Up-And-Die Potter for, especially since the Malfoy boy had been forced to put effort into choosing his clothes or he would have an earful from three Black women. Definitely not ideal!

His mother, dressed in one of her best dresses with a present under her arms, gave him an assessing look and nodded approvingly. "Perfect. Let us be on our way, Draco."

"Yes, Mother," Draco answered obediently.

Dumbledore beamed at them. "Have fun, both of you! Please give my regards and congratulations to Andromeda!"

Draco gave him a curt nod but Narcissa ignored him, stepping through the Floo Network without looking over her shoulder. He was already bracing himself for what he was going to face next. That answer came quite quickly when Draco followed his mother out of the Floo chimney and to the parlour.

"-remember, little Tom needs to be rocked to sleep and needs at least three lullabies before he settles – Cissy! Drakey-poo! Are you ready?"

As if Draco thought he had lost the ability to be surprised, his Auntie Bella was dressed in a dark purple dress, Mr. Mupples was wearing his tailor made suit and Bella was carrying two presents! His Uncle Rodolphus looked ready to start going on the bottle as well, Uncle Rabastan was trying not to laugh and the young wolves were tending to an ugly looking doll.

What the …?

Draco sighed to himself when he reminded himself that likely Potter and his band of nitwits had somehow managed to continue pranking everyone at Malfoy Manor.

"Ready for dinner, Draco?" Rabastan commented brightly.

"As I can be, Uncle," Draco smiled weakly.

"Preparing to meet Andy and her filthy half-blood daughter, Drakey-poo? Don't worry, I am sure it will be all right – what's that, Mr. Mupples? We need to give Dora Corban's regards?"

"I am going to bed," Rodolphus grumbled, looking and sounding absolutely done with life as he trudged out of the room.

Narcissa cleared her throat. "Shall we get going? Andromeda will be waiting for us."

"Yes, let's," Draco agreed readily. The sooner they got this over with the better!

Draco very nearly missed the address of his Aunt Andromeda's home because he was quietly praying and dreading – praying that the evening would not end with the Aurors descending down upon them and dreading what kind of establishment they were going to for dinner. Knowing Potter, it was going to be awful.

When the young Malfoy stepped into the living room of the aunt he had never met, he felt like he was stepping into a wholly different world to his own. The living room was this weird amalgamation of magic and Muggle. There were some obviously magical artefacts displayed here and there – especially in the antique cupboards – but on the walls were paintings and photographs that had been professionally taken and framed. Draco was rather dismayed he could identify the TV, a few games consoles and could spot some boardgames that they had as well in the board game cupboard.

Draco then turned his attention onto the two women in the room. Aunt Andromeda looked a whole lot like Auntie Bella, only with much more softer features to her face and her eyes had a lighter look about them. She was dressed like a pureblood, in deep indigo. Her daughter – Cousin Dora (Draco absolutely refused to call her Tonks) – had her pink hair styled and was wearing a stunning ruby red gown and strange boots with buckles and gears on it.

"Never thought I would see the day: Cousin Draco walking through our chimney!" she stated brightly.

"You and me both," Draco readily admitted.

Tonks then turned her attention onto her aunts. "Aunt Narcissa, Aunt Bellatrix – looking lovely! Mr. Mupples, you look rather snazzy too."

Mr. Mupples bobbed a little.

"… He says thank you," Bellatrix stated stiffly. Clearly she was just as uncomfortable to be in her younger sister's house!

"Well, then. I think we are all present and correct," Andromeda stated lightly. "Shall we go? We will be a little early but-"

"You need to open your presents first, Andy," Narcissa cut across lightly, holding out the silver-wrapped gift to the woman who had once been her closest confidante during their childhood.

Draco almost smiled at the abject surprise on his aunt's face as she gingerly reached out and took the gift. Andromeda sat herself down in a rather old fashioned armchair as she began opening it very carefully; Cousin Dora leant a little bit forward to have a better look. Draco too watched curiously – he didn't even know his mother had arranged a present for her sister.

The box that was revealed was made of some good quality wood, with some very nice detailing, but it was the thing that it contained that everyone was interested in. When Andromeda opened it, inside was an onyx necklace. Draco's eyes widened; he had seen that necklace in some of the portraits of Druella Black hanging around Malfoy Manor.

Andromeda and Dora's eyes were bugging out too.

"You always liked that one out of all Mother's necklaces. I never cared for it," Narcissa tried to sound as dismissive as she could manage, but even Draco could hear that she was barely putting any effort into it. "I thought … might as well give it to you. It will free up space in my own jewellery collection."

Draco suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

Andromeda was speechless. She only moved a little when Dora sprung to her feet to fix the necklace around her mother's neck, eyes shining happily. It was Auntie Bella who lifted the mood, surprisingly.

"It is now my and Mr. Mupples' turn! Mr. Mupples tried his best but a lot of people kept moving! It was annoying!" Bella huffed. "I had to stick Dolph to his chair and almost put an apple into Basti's mouth because he wouldn't stop laughing! And sorry about the wrapping paper – Izzy chose that."

Draco did not even dare to guess at what the My Pet Monster had done now. Andromeda did not look like she was going to question her batty sister either; she simply took the square present that was wrapped in eye-achingly colourful paper and began to shell the paper away from the contents.

Said contents was a painting – a frighteningly good one. It depicted the parlour at Malfoy Manor with the inhabitants just doing seemingly ordinary things. Draco recognised Augustus Rookwood with some of the wolves, reading. Thalia and Nagini were watching the TV; Rodolphus, Rabastan, Dolohov and Macnair were playing cards. Only Narcissa and Bella were paying the artist any attention, Narcissa sitting primly in one of the armchairs with Bella in the other, posing.

"Wow," Cousin Dora chuckled. "A glimpse into Malfoy Manor life, huh?"

"Balthazar had business to attend to or he would have been there too," Bella informed candidly.

"It's … beautiful. Genuinely," Andromeda had finally managed to find her voice. She looked to the plushie, who had been regarding her closely. "Thank you … Mr. Mupples."

Mr. Mupples bobbed enthusiastically.

"And now mine!" Bella stated, shaking the oddly lumped parcel, also wrapped in oddly coloured paper.

Andromeda carefully set the painting to one side and took the present from the crazed woman who had once been her fiercest protector. Draco exchanged a look with Dora, who was smirking. She was really enjoying this! The pair then watched as Andromeda peeled away the paper to reveal … a plushie.

A Scolosaurus plushie.

Andromeda blinked several times at it. Draco honestly did not know to react; Dora was biting into her cheek to stop herself from laughing and Narcissa looked like the ground could swallow her whole.

"Do you like it? I didn't know what to get you and Mr. Mupples said the Scolosaurus in the museum looked a little lonely and that the plushies were not much better so I thought it would be better with you."

Aunt Bella … was babbling.

Babbling!

Nervously!

Draco had no officially seen it all!

"I … love it," Andromeda finally answered with a disbelieving chuckle underneath her tone. "It's really cute. I love it. Thank you … Bella."

"I am sure Dad won't mind sharing the bed with this little guy," Cousin Dora could not help but add. "He loves dinosaurs! By the way, when did you go to the Natural History Museum?"

"Yesterday," Bella informed, still a little stiffly but not by much.

"Cool! Did you manage to convince Yaxley to come along?"

The question took most people by surprise.

"Corban?" Narcissa stated in surprise. "No. No he stayed at home …"

"Oh buggering hell! I get the idiot to buy a doughnut but apparently I now have my work cut out for me into bribing him to visit Dippy," Dora huffed as she jumped to her feet. Andromeda stood as well; the pair gathered their coats.

"Sorry, you got Corban Yaxley to buy a … doughnut…" Draco could not believe his ears. "How did you manage that?!"

"Oh cousin of mine, that is a story to tell!" Dora stated dramatically. "It all started when he was acting really shifty and not at all Slytherin like and I decided to have a bit of a word with him about it."

What followed was a trip into Muggle London that Draco barely paid attention to because of the utterly insane story that Dora was telling – he was rather worried that Dora had called Thalia cute and was still fangirling about the ball python, despite who her owner was, and still claiming that her "conversation" with the snake was an actual conversation because Dora can read "body language".

Dora had gotten onto the topic of the prank Potter had sent her on behalf of Antonin Dolohov when they got to Annabel's. She had been gleefully informing the Dark side of her family of the utter chaos her dragon costume had wrought on the Ministry, with Andromeda pinching the bridge of her nose in despair, when they were met by their hostess.

"Welcome to Annabel's. How may I be of assistance? Are you members?" she asked kindly.

"Erm … I think we have a reservation … I am unsure because it was arranged for me," Andromeda flushed a little. "For my birthday."

The hostess seemed immediately to know what she was referring to because her eyes lit up. "Oh, yes! Not to worry, ma'am. Lord Black has arranged everything – we have your table ready for you. Please follow me!"

As the odd family did so they were all thinking the exact same thing: hold on. Lord Black? Did she just say Lord Black?

They ignored some of the judgemental looks or looks of awe from the other guests as they followed their hostess to their apparently reserved table. They ended up sitting in this order: Bellatrix on one of the comfy chairs, Mr. Mupples, Draco and Dora on the comfy sofa, Andromeda on Tonks' left and Narcissa in the comfy chair next to Andromeda.

"Yes, indeed, Mr. Mupples, everything is very colourful," Bellatrix stated.

"Ssssh!" Narcissa hushed.

"Mr. Mupples, stop moving!" Dora added quietly.

"We forgot his etch-a-sketch," Bellatrix sighed glumly.

"As if that makes anything better!" Narcissa shook her head. "It would scare the Muggles even more."

"Exactly!"

The hostess came back with some menus and a bottle of champagne. "For your birthday, ma'am. It was insisted upon," the hostess informed when she saw the quizzical looks at the bottle.

"Thank you," Andromeda answered a little awkwardly. "This Lord Black … he did not give another name, by any chance, did he?"

"Oh no, ma'am, it was done on his behalf by his assistant," the hostess replied candidly. "Sounded quite young to be an assistant if I have to be honest. However, it is not my place nor my job to judge."

As the hostess walked away, Bella shook her head. "Something smells funny. Must be her Muggle perfume!"

"Or it is this mysterious 'Lord Black' person!" Narcissa hissed. "Someone is using an Ancient title as an alias!"

"Well, I think we are not going to solve this mystery on an empty stomach," Dora stated brightly as she went through the menu. "What is everyone thinking of? I am rather fancying something with fish."

"I would rather talk about what Madam Bones did to you for causing such pandemonium," Draco stated as he opened his own menu.

"Oh nothing!" Dora answered brightly. "She just asked me not to go out of the office in the dragon costume."

"Oh dear," Narcissa commented.

"It's fine! I prefer some of my other disguises anyway. The dragon is just for fun," Dora grinned.

"Mr. Mupples want to know if someone has caught your eye," Bellatrix hissed as she pulled some faces at her menu.

Dora was redder than some of the lights around them in five seconds flat. "Errrrrr … well … that is," she cleared her throat, "complicated."

Interested eyes suddenly turned on her.

"My little Dora has her eyes on someone? And why do I get to hear about this only now?" Andromeda asked in a sly tone.

"Because then you will start asking questions!" Dora huffed.

"Of course! I am your mother! So tell us, who is he?" Andromeda grinned. "What does he do for a living? Please tell me he is not an Auror – I do not need the added pressure of worrying about both of you."

Dora deflated a little, Draco grinning a little at her misery. "Mum, please …"

"It's my birthday, sweetheart! You're not going to deny me answers on my special day, right?" Andromeda started proving to everyone why she had been in Slytherin House.

"Can't you ask Draco if he has an eye on someone instead?" Dora huffed.

"Do not drag me into this!" Draco paled.

"Don't fret, he will get his turn," Andromeda reassured.

Fantastic, Draco muttered internally.

"No, no, Mr. Mupples, let Dora answer," Bella giggled.

Dora sighed to herself before answering, "there is no point in talking about it because the guy I like doesn't like me back."

That kind of sucked the jubilation out of everyone.

"You know this for certain?" Narcissa asked curiously.

"He turned me down. Twice," Dora already started to open the champagne.

Draco winced at hearing that.

"For what reason?" Andromeda blanched.

"Mr. Mupples, no spoilers!" Bellatrix scolded.

Dora's hair suddenly started turning blue. "He said that he is too old for me, that I deserve better and blah, blah, blah," she grumbled.

"Too old?" Draco snorted. "Age gaps usually are not an issue – who is this idiot?"

"Remus Lupin," came the answer no one expected.

Bellatrix snorted. "The werewolf that Fenrir still cries himself to sleep over?! Hehehehehehehehehehe!"

"Bella, shush! You're attracting attention!" Narcissa hissed as a few Muggles shot them some odd looks. Narcissa sighed. "I suppose if the man cannot see what is right in front of him, I say it is his problem."

Dora blinked in shock, as did Draco. Narcissa sniffed. "Any Black woman – diluted blood or not – is worth countless Galleons. Another will see that and your silly werewolf will rue the day he made that miscalculation," she stated primly.

Andromeda chuckled. "You really have not changed in all these years, Cissy."

"I would hope not," Narcissa stated with a small smirk.

The hostess came back at this point and everyone rushed to make a decision about which starters, main course and dessert they wanted. Once the Muggle was gone, eyes turned to Draco, who already wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

"I have not found anyone interesting," he informed glumly.

"Oh come on! No one? Not a sweet Badger, or a mysterious Eagle or a suave Lion?" Dora teased.

"No!" Draco flushed bright red. "Dating is the last thing on my mind right now."

Narcissa and Bellatrix caught the implication immediately. Dora, fortunately, didn't. "Merlin's beard, you sound exactly like Merula when she was in her denial phase over Asteria!"

Draco blanched at hearing those names. Oh yes, they were very familiar and for good reason.

"Merula?" Narcissa repeated and suddenly it hit her. "Merula Snyde?"

"Yes, Merula Snyde-Hallow now, but I think you know that," Dora smirked. "After all, dear old Uncle Lucius left Draco in Merula and Asteria's care once and he caused a little bit of mischief."

Kill me now, Draco flushed red. He really wanted to forget that rather embarrassing episode!

"So you do keep some good purebloods as company?" Bellatrix lit up.

"Merula and Asteria are too entertaining to simply let go," Dora grinned. She cocked her head a little. "I think this insane to say, but I think you'd like them, Aunt Bella. Not just because of their blood status. Speaking of good food, did any of you know that Asteria once made Professor Snape not only smile, but compliment her cooking?"

"WHAT?!"

"Oh yes! I don't quite remember why Asteria was cooking in the first place but she made this dessert and Snape said that she had culinary talents!"

"Dora, be sensible," Andromeda shook her head in disbelief.

"I swear down on Nana Martha's grave, it's true! He also complimented Asteria's singing once."

"Now you are fibbing," Draco could not believe his ears.

"Ask him yourself if you do not believe me!" Dora huffed and pouted. She then started laughing. "Sometimes it was like Snape enjoyed her rudeness. Asteria got away with so much, it was unbelievable. At one point, Snape got really annoyed with her and said, 'do I look like a house elf to you, Hallow?'" Dora took a moment to compose herself. "According to witness testimony, Asteria answered with, 'now that you mention it, I do see the resemblance-"

"No!" came the shock gasps.

"-Does anyone order you to dust the furniture?'" Dora finished, splitting her sides.

Even Bellatrix was gaping!

"How was she allowed to live?!" Narcissa exclaimed.

"Best part was," Dora grinned, "no points were taken from her and she didn't get a single detention for it!"

"Was he ill?" Draco could not believe his ears.

"So, Severus Snape does play favourites now and again," Andromeda chuckled. "Well I never!"

"Well, it helped that Asteria was good at Potions and didn't play suck-up. She genuinely … liked Professor Snape," Dora shook her head. "She was not afraid of him. Not even for a minute. Asteria took his harsh words like a champ and fired them back just as easily. Think it helps that she was one of his Snakes and not a Lion!"

"You don't say!" Draco snorted. "I know I once told her that I wanted to be like her, but I doubt that is even possible now!"

"Cousin, no one can be like Asteria Snyde-Hallow. She is one of a kind," Dora grinned. "I do wonder how she and Harry would get on …"

"Yes, indeed, Mr. Mupples, that would indeed be a firework show!" Bella giggled.

Their starters soon arrived. Over the course of the three meals, they talked about everything from Draco's fledgling interest in Alchemy and spell creation to Dora almost not completing her Auror academy because of her clumsiness to Mr. Mupples informing Andromeda about Teddy Ruxpin and some of the shenanigans happening back at Malfoy Manor to whether or not Bellatrix was going to retaliate to the pranks that she had to endure.

If staff at Annabel's noticed anything unusual or overheard anything weird, they really did not say anything, which Draco found remarkable.

Surprisingly, during dessert, the conversation had turned onto something Draco never in a million years would have seen coming: his mother and aunts' relationship with their cousins, Sirius and Regulus.

"Those boys lived to cause mischief and make people laugh. I mean, I am very glad Bella did not have to be at Hogwarts when Siri and Reggie went because she would have been silver by the time she turned twenty!" Andromeda snorted.

"Like those boys would have listened to me anyway!" Bella huffed. "Bludgers were more controllable."

"Sirius and Regulus only had one thing in common: they did as they pleased and when they had their mind on something, no one could stop them," Narcissa sighed.

"Especially when it came to family," Andromeda agreed and she turned her slightly cool gaze onto her older sister, who was sipping her champagne pensively. "Pity they both died for nothing."

Draco tensed in seconds; he felt Dora and Mr. Mupples do the same.

Both Narcissa and Bella flinched but looked their sister directly in the eyes.

"Andy, no one knows how Reggie died," Narcissa pointed out gently. "As for Sirius, he went to save his godson from his own foolishness-"

"-and got himself killed in the process," Andromeda regarded Bella coldly.

"I didn't mean to!" Bella hissed. "They were Stunners! I didn't know the thing was the Veil of the Dead. If I had then I would have used something else!"

"Permit me to doubt that," Andromeda growled.

"Erm, Mum, you're making a scene," Dora commented gently, noticing a few more stares.

"I did not see eye to eye with Siri on many things, but I never wanted him dead!" Bellatrix argued lowly. "We were after that prophecy. That was it!"

"That's it," Narcissa whispered.

"See? Cissy agrees with me!"

"No, not that! Well, yes but no," Narcissa huffed. "I just thought of something. Uncle Orion never disinherited Siri as Heir to the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Black. Not even after Aunt Walburga blasted him from the tapestry."

"So?" Andromeda raised an eyebrow.

"So, it means Siri had the legal authority to name an heir," Narcissa rolled her eyes.

Draco and Dora caught on immediately. While Dora started smirking, Draco felt a sense of dread come over him. No … no, no, no, no, no, no!

No fucking way!

"But Siri had no children," Bellatrix pointed out. "He only had the Potter boy as his godson – wait a minute!"

"Which means, Harry Potter is likely the new Lord Black, which is why he used that name to make the reservation," Andromeda sighed. "Merlin's saggy Y-fronts, Siri has managed to get us beyond the grave!"

"Bloody hell, Potter," Draco grumbled under his breath.

"I say we finish pudding and check the Black tapestry!" Bella stated definitively. "No, Mr. Mupples, it will not be considered rude – what do you mean we would intrude on someone's privacy? No one has been in Grimmauld Place for years!"

"Why do I get the feeling Mr. Mupples usually does not get listened to?" Dora whispered to Draco.

"Because he is a plushie," Draco answered candidly.

"That's just rude," Dora sighed.

Draco found he could not disagree. When the party had finished their meal – with assurances that their bill would be fully footed by this new Lord Black – they rushed back to Andromeda's house and quickly opened the Floo Network to Grimmauld Place.

It was safe to say that Remus was in for another shock of his life. He had been reading books on diplomacy when the Floo Network opened, much to his surprise, and he practically jumped out of his skin as Andromeda Tonks, Narcissa Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange all hurried out of the chimney, babbling incoherently and going immediately next door, ignoring him entirely. Following them were a tired Draco and an amused Tonks, carrying Mr. Mupples. Remus tried not to flush red as he took in Tonks' appearance, but he quickly sobered when he saw the glares from Draco and Mr. Mupples.

"Lupin. Staying at Lord Black's leisure, I take it?" Draco sneered.

Remus was so taken aback by this question that he didn't know how to answer.

"FOUND HIM! DRAKEY-POO, DORA, COME AND LOOK!" Bellatrix called from next door.

Draco and Tonks bustled out of the room. Curiosity killing the werewolf, Remus decided to follow as well. The three sisters of House Black were pointing to a new branch that had apparently formed onto the tapestry of the Most Ancient and Most Noble House of Black. When Remus saw the name and icon, his eyes widened.

Harry James Potter-Black, Lord Black current.

Merlin's ill-sewn robes!

"Siri actually did it," Andromeda chuckled. "Of course he did."

Narcissa then turned onto the werewolf, raising an elegant eyebrow. "Who are you, pray?"

Tonks cleared her throat. "Aunt Narcissa, this is-"

"Remus Lupin," Draco happily supplied before Tonks could think of an excuse or alias.

All three women blinked for a moment before their countenances all contorted into something that would have made Veela look tame.

"YOU BROKE MY DORA'S HEART!"

"YOU ARE THE MUTT WITH NO TASTE IN WOMEN!"

"I AM GOING TO ENJOY HEXING YOU!"

It was well and truly confirmed to Remus why one never ever vexed a member of House Black, whether blood related or adopted in. Much to the amusement of Draco, Tonks and Mr. Mupples, Andromeda, Narcissa and Bellatrix proceeded to chase the terrified werewolf into the kitchen where the man – through attempts to explain himself – was forced to dodge curses, hexes and frying pans as he did so.

"They'll be busy a while. Shall we explore the house, cousin?" Tonks suggested happily.

"Errr …"

"Oh come on, you're not scared are you? It's just a creepy old house – I am sure you're used to those."

"Shut up."

"I will take that as a yes. Let's go – see, Mr. Mupples is excited."

Draco let himself get dragged away by Dora just as Remus Lupin narrowly dodged a Tempest Jinx from Bellatrix but got pecked by some sparrows conjured by Narcissa.

##################################################################################

Oh dear Remus! You really should have stopped playing the martyr! Hahahahahaha! I know this one was a long one guys – I just had a lot of ideas for this one and I also want to start getting to the chapters for the month of October so I decided that this one needed to be a bit longer to just speed things along. I did want to upload yesterday but Samhain is an important Sabbath to my faith so please forgive me for not doing it then.

Please keep giving your wonderful ideas – I don't know if I have thanked the people who gave the ideas for these pranks but I will do so now! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I also want to thank the people who are giving birthday pranks already – they will be used!

I don't think I have done a disclaimer in a while so I will do one just in case: this is not my property. This is my mad sandcastle built in the sand box provided by JK Rowling. She might as well own Thalia and Mr. Mupples at this point because I can now never look at a photo of Bella and wish Mr. Mupples was in it. Yes, I am mad – we know this by now.

See you guys in the next one!

Kingmaker'sUmbreon