Unwanted Advice and Advisor Meltdowns
In hindsight, Harry I-Underestimate-The-Ruthlessness-of-Professor-McGonagall Potter should probably have seen some kind of punishment coming from his extremely stressed out Head of House. However, instead of simply sticking him with a pile of detentions and forcing him to write lines, Professor McGonagall had done what Seamus and Dean had theorised at the start of term: in the hope of keeping the Boy-Who-Was-Waiting-For-The-Opportune-Moment-To-Bully-His-Nemesis-Further occupied, the Head of Gryffindor had given her star Seeker the position of Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.
Though miffed, the Bane of the Dark Side knew better than to test the patience of Minerva McGonagall. She already looked ready to turn his shoes into her litter box and then send pictures to Fenrir for good measure, so Harry had simply accepted and on the very rainy morning of September 14th, he dragged himself and the team – and any try-outs – down to the pitch that McGonagall had booked for them in advance. Like she had expected Harry to try and get himself out of it – somehow.
Well, considering the ruckus the potential members of the team were making – aside from Ron, who looked too nervous to say hello let alone anything else, and Cormac, who was radiating insufferable arrogance – Harry was very close to ordering a few Puking Pastilles from Fred and George in order to cite sickness as a leave of absence. The Boy-Who-Felt-Like-Hexing-His-Fellow-Housemates-Into-The-Next-Century tried to remain as calm as possible.
Brat, what the hell are you doing? … Why are you wasting your time on this nonsensical sport? Are things going wrong? As much as I love hearing some creative methods of hexing, you are giving me an aneurysm!
Wonderful; Voldemort had once again decided to join in on the 'fun'! As if Harry's day couldn't get any better!
Have a listen for yourself, Harry growled back.
It took less than ten seconds for Voldemort to start hissing. Take control of the situation, Potter! Show them who is in charge here!
You mean like how you keep your Death Munchers in line?
Harry could not resist quipping back. Which if I recall, is not anymore!
Voldemort bristled but Harry knew that Captain Cueball actually had a point and tried to gain some level of control over the situation.
"All right! This morning I am going to put you all through some drills in order to assess your strengths, and get a clear picture of where your talents lie."
Predictably, the noise and banter continued.
You call that taking control of the situation, Harry? Voldemort sneered.
Shut up.
It was Ginny who stepped in at this point. "SHUT IT!"
The try-outs jumped and immediately stilled, turning their attention to the front. This made the Dark Lord cackle.
Your little friend just did your job for you, the Dark Lord could not help but tease. She has quite the pair of lungs!
Ginny can be really scary. You don't mess with her unless you want to lose your legs, or your arms, or your eyes, the Boy-Who-Was-Internally-Already-Preparing-To-Get-Some-Kind-Of-Revenge-On-His-Head-of-House informed candidly.
A girl is much scarier than you are! Voldemort could not resist teasing.
That is a little rich coming from Mr. I Bend To The Whims of My Snakes!
Voldemort spluttered indignantly as Harry continued as normally as he could. "Now then, just because you made the team last year that doesn't guarantee you a spot this year. Is that clear?"
Could you sound any more like a substitute teacher who doesn't know what he is doing?
Voldie, please shut up!
Did you just show manners for once?
Shush.
Who are you and what have you done to Harry Potter?
Who are you and what have you done to Tom Riddle's handsome face?
Voldemort started grumbling incoherently at this point. Fortunately, no one who was trying out dared to say anything else – mostly due to Ginny – and Harry nodded. "Good. Then we can begin: Keepers and Chasers first."
So, Ginny is your Bella. Good to know.
Harry could not stop himself. Except mine isn't a lunatic and she isn't carting around a plushie called Mr. Mupples.
DON'T YOU DARE BRING THAT UP! THAT WAS YOUR FAULT!
Well, I didn't turn her into a lunatic! Her father did and you did!
That is not what I meant – wait a minute, what did you just say?
…Nothing.
Yes, you did.
No I didn't.
Yes you did! I heard you?
I think you may need a hearing aid.
I am not old and I am not deaf, Brat! I know you just said something!
You are imagining things. I think you need a little lie down and a little nap.
I DO NOT!
"HARRY! ON YOUR BROOM NOW!"
The Boy-Who-Really-Wanted-To-Be-Able-To-Walk-For-The-Rest-of-The-Day jumped to it immediately. "Yes, Ginny."
Oh, this is just embarrassing. You're the bloody Captain, Brat! Why are you acting like an obedient puppy?
As I said before, Ginny is scary. If you don't believe me, ask the guy who got a Reducto in the face because of her a few months ago!
The Dark Lord made no comment. Harry kicked off from the ground and flew to a position where he could keep an eye on everything going on. Cormac and Ron took their places, the former looking insufferably confident and the latter looking like he was about to throw up. Unfortunately, Voldemort had not closed the Link yet.
He looks like he is about to fall off his broom.
Thank you, Voldie. That was helpful.
The Chaser try-outs soon put the potential Keepers to the test, with Ginny putting her competition through the wringer, even going so far as to get the two of them to crash into each other, causing Voldemort to start cackling.
They'll have to be treated for a concussion! Hehehehehehehe!
Wow, you could beat Bellatrix in a giggle contest. Got some popcorn with you by any chance, Grandpa?
STOP CALLING ME GRANDPA! … And yes, yes I do. Brat.
Got it yourself?
…Thalia and Nagini did.
Harry never thought the day would come that he would hear Voldemort sounding sheepish!Ginny just dodged an attempted intercept attack from Katie Bell and threw the Quaffle towards the middle hoop – the one Cormac was currently guarding.
What are you doing? Throw it at the left or right one! Make him work for it!
She can't hear you, Voldie!
BAH! Then you do the shouting for me! You should be doing that anyway!
Cormac batted the Quaffle away very quickly. Indeed, the boy didn't even miss a single shot. As for Ron, he caught the Quaffle in some more imaginative ways – with a clumsy catch, a headbutt and a chest catch – and, unfortunately, one lunge to catch the Quaffle actually resulted Ron nearly falling off his broom.
Voldemort was dying within two seconds flat, causing Harry Actually-Contemplating-Committing-Trying-To-Cast-An-Unforgiveable-Mentally-At-The-Dark-Lord Potter to bristle quite a bit.
Slytherin has the Cup in the bag I see.
SHUT UP!
"Come on, Ron," Harry found himself mutter with a slightly clenched jaw. He would not live this down if he was forced to put Cormac My-Head-Is-So-Far-Up-My-Arse-It-Needs-To-Be-Surgically-Removed McLaggen in the Keeper position.
Ron eventually managed to get back on his broom and the test resumed – if Cormac made one more catch, since they were neck and neck, Harry would have to put up with this showboating pony for the rest of the year. However, as Ginny fired another shot at Cormac's hoops, Harry embracing himself, Cormac suddenly shot sharply to the right and the Quaffle went flying through the hoop.
Harry frowned and he could have sworn that Voldemort was gaping.
That was a Confundus.
Yes, thank you, Voldie.
Someone casted a Confundus! Gryffindors are cheating – someone alert the
Prophet!
Thank you, Captain Cueball! Harry grumbled as he looked around to see if he could spot the culprit. Out of the corner of his Seeker sharpened eyes, he noted Hermione, who was sitting in the stands, smirking to herself proudly.
Harry scoffed quietly to himself and started chuckling. Of course!
Voldemort, though, also put two and two together.
The Mud … I mean, Muggleborn did it?! My, my, it seems your bad influence has rubbed off on your little friends.
Very rich coming from you!
I for once did not mean it in a bad way, Brat!
Permit me to doubt that!
Ginny had meanwhile fired the last shot at her brother. Once again, Ron had managed to defend his hoop with yet another headbutt, whilst hanging upside down on his broom. While people whooped and clapped below and Harry chuckled to himself, Voldemort was just as jubilant – but not for the same reasons as everyone else.
Oh yes, Slytherin definitely stands a chance this year!
We will see about that, Tommy!
Petulantly, Harry shut the Link between him and his nemesis, steam coming out of his ears. He was going to show Grandpa Marvolo just how wrong he was! Slytherin was not going to win the Quidditch Cup under his watch!
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Xenophilius Lovegood enjoyed being editor of The Quibbler for two reasons: no one day was exactly the same and it gave him the chance to get in contact with some very interesting people. From Seers to researchers to artists, Xenophilius had met them all and never left a meeting completely underwhelmed. However, despite being a man who prided himself on keeping an open mind, not even he could have ever imagined receiving a letter from his little Luna, asking if he would be willing to publish an article revealing a Hogwarts scandal – written by Death Eaters or Death Eater allies.
Xenophilius would have been more than a little concerned that perhaps Luna had been enchanted, had she not sent him one or two of the copies of the photos that she had kept in case of a 'rainy day'. The moment Mr. Lovegood had seen the scarred hands of two children he did not know – but could use his imagination that more students, including Luna, had similar scars – his staff had to spend a good half an hour talking him down from heading to the Ministry and paying the Senior Undersecretary a very lethal visit.
Once the man had been plied with lavender tea and some biscuits, Xenophilius could contemplate a good cause of action. He had never thought that he would be considering helping the Death Munchers, as apparently Harry Potter had dubbed them, with anything but this was a special case.
The issue was, Xenophilius was very reluctant to publish a name that was prominently linked with the Dark and thus, was procrastinating on writing the letter to the people he stood against – morally and magically. He distracted himself by going over an article on the topic of Muggles and cryptids in order to give himself some more time to consider the options he had. However, the editor did not get very far on the account of his office door suddenly crashing open.
"Xeno, I have got the perfect puzzle idea! Readers have to discover the spell to open the tomb by finding the encrypted clues! It is fun, interactive and will keep their little mind whirling for hours!"
Xenophilius beamed as he lifted his head to look up at one of his favourite writers. "Excellent idea, Asteria! I take it that you have hit another block in regards to your latest book?"
Asteria Snyde-Hallow, a young woman who stood as around five-foot-seven with dark oak hair and coffee coloured eyes that sometimes appeared to change colour in different lights, deflated a little. "More than just a block; it's more like a bloody wall! I have been trying for around a week or more now to get access to some bloody important sources at the Ministry but everyone is either too busy or too stressed or too blasé to let me into the bloody archives! I have to resort to a person visit and I hate having to deal with people."
"My dear, you are married and deal with people on a daily basis," Xenophilius' eyes twinkled with amusement.
"Against my will, I assure you – the dealing with people, not the married part," Asteria grinned lopsidedly. "I suppose I should amend it to 'I hate dealing with boring, predictable people'." She cocked her head curiously. "What are you working on, Xeno?"
"Trying to edit one of Edith's articles," the editor answered casually.
"Please tell me it is not another one on the Muggle's obsession with Bigfoot," Asteria chuckled.
"No, this time it is the Mothman."
"Oh dear."
"Indeed. Oh, how is Merula by the way?"
"I have to make sure that I have a cup of herbal tea and a bath ready almost every single day because every day she comes home looking like she is about to hex you because you sneezed too loudly," Asteria answered with her characteristic bluntness. "The only moment I know I am safe is when she says, 'hug me, loser.'"
Xenophilius spluttered. "After all this time, she still calls you that?!"
"Oh, it would have been put into our wedding vows if she had her way!" Asteria laughed happily. "Besides, if Merula calls me anything else, I will take her for a check-up at St. Mungo's just in case."
Xenophilius shook his head derisively, quietly chuckling. He only sobered a little and frowned when he heard a good number of his staff suddenly burst into peels of laughter. "I say, what is going on?"
"Ah! I think the comic is getting passed around," Asteria grinned. "A snowy owl has just delivered a rather hilarious comic story called The Adventures of Lord Ponymort. It is a rather good read and the pictures are fantastic!"
The editor's eyes started to shine. "Indeed? Well, then I will have a look myself and if it continues to put people almost into the hospital from laughter, we will most certainly have to include it. One should never say no to adding humour – we all need a good giggle these days."
"Absolutely," Asteria agreed readily. "One can only read so many articles about Nessie messing with idiotic Muggles before they become a little redundant. I mean, Nessie continues her winning streak and no one wants to see that end, but a change of pace is rather good."
"Then what do you say to me considering allowing someone with more Dark or Grey allegiances to also publish an article that is rather … shocking?" Xenophilius wanted to know.
"Well, if it is well researched and backed with evidence – with a name that is preferably a pen one if their names are little infamous – then I don't see why you shouldn't consider it," Asteria responded after considering for a moment. "I mean, my family is Grey and you didn't hesitate to allow me to write for you so I don't see why you wouldn't do so again. Besides, Xeno, you're not the Prophet – don't start thinking like them, please."
"I won't," Xenophilius reassured with a smile. "But I suppose you are right; I had no qualms about allowing you to write pieces and making puzzles … I am perhaps overthinking things …"
"Maybe a little, though that isn't too surprising, given the times we live in," Asteria pointed out gently. "Just as them for their preliminary draft and see if it is what you want in The Quibbler, and if it isn't – tell them to take their business elsewhere. That is just life!"
Xenophilius nodded thoughtfully and then snorted as more raucous laughter drifted into the room.
"Well, I think you can at least publish one new piece!" Asteria stated happily. "Hopefully I will have some more luck today regarding my sources – maybe some of your luck will rub off on me."
"I hope so too. It surely must have calm down by now," Xenophilius tried to reassure.
"It had better be! I think I have broken the national record for giving one's spouse a foot massage!" Asteria scoffed as she left to finish her puzzle, leaving the editor of the magazine once again with his thoughts.
Setting his trepidation aside once and for all, Xenophilius took some parchment and began quilling a letter to the Death Munchers, whilst listening to the giggles of his employees as though he were listening to Classical music.
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"Minister, it cannot go on like this!"
"Having to deal with a toad is one thing. Having to deal with a toad who is having delusions is entirely another!"
"We cannot work like this! Half of Madam Umbridge's staff is already experiencing nervous breakdowns. The business that is being done is only half as efficient as normal."
"Agreed! And it is mostly due to the fact that at any given moment the Senior Undersecretary mistakes one for a so-called half breed and attempts to attack one over the table. Meetings cannot be held and we continually have to hope and pray that today is the day she is returned to human form and a correct state of mind."
"As if that woman ever had a correct state of mind to begin with."
Amelia Bones and Elizabeth Abbott were almost sorry – emphasis on the word almost – for the Minister for Magic, Rufus Scrimgeour, as the man was forced to listen to complaint after complaint from Heads of Departments and important government officials as well as liaison officers between them and the Muggle Prime Minister's office. Scrimgeour was sitting behind his desk, looking as though he were completely dead inside; clearly, he was experiencing a headache of epic proportions and was simply waiting out the pain or for everyone to stop so that he could take his potion.
Corban Yaxley, who stood with both women, was not in the least bit sympathetic to the Minister's plight, nor did he regret helping Bones and Abbott into whipping up enough people to get them to march to the Minister's office during their lunch breaks and to voice all of their objections at the fact Madam Umbridge was being kept in her role, whilst being a toad who was seeing half-breeds everywhere.
All three of the conspirators had one thing on their mind: getting the pink demon toad suspended from her job. And, internally, Corban, Amelia and Elizabeth could see that the temptation to bend to the will of his people was ever increasing in Scrimgeour's eyes. So, Amelia naturally decided it was time to hammer the nail firmly into the coffin.
"Sir, I think we can all agree that we have been as patient as we all can be with this situation," she stated smoothly and in her famous firm tone. "However, it shows no sign of stopping any time soon. The wizarding state relies on proper governance and at the moment, everything has descended into madness and chaos. Kittens appearing out of nowhere, cursed objects, the Undersecretary seeing things – the list goes on! Enough is enough. I say it is time to regain some level of control."
"And what do you suggest, Amelia?" Scrimgeour stated in a deceptively calm voice.
"Suspend Madam Umbridge until the time that she has a) returned to human form and b) no longer believes that I am a centaur!" Amelia answered bluntly.
"Sir, I agree with my colleagues," Corban was more than happy to back her up. "Because it is not only fair on us to deal with it, it is not fair on our staff, Madam Umbridge's staff and everyone else who is effected by this ludicrous situation. The Senior Undersecretary could do with some time off, and we all could do with some peace and quiet!"
Affirmative murmuring rippled around the room, some people even nodding visibly. The Minister sighed deeply. "Oh, very well! But I will not be the one to break it to her. One of you will have to do it. I am due to meet with Her Majesty in order to discuss the state of wizarding world at present."
"I hope Her Majesty has stiff drinks prepared," someone could not help but comment.
"Now, if all of you would be so kind, please get out of my office and go and have your lunches!" the Minister ordered.
None of them needed to be told twice.
"So, who is going to deliver the bad news to dear old Dolores?" was one of the first questions posed as soon as the Minister's door had shut behind the group.
"Well, I think it should be Diggory since he was only mistaken for being a half-giant," Mr. Macmillan joked.
Elizabeth Abbott rolled her eyes as others chuckled. "It might as well be me. I haven't been mistaken for anything yet."
"Perhaps wear a mask before you go and see her, Liza?" Amelia teased.
"Might do that!" Elizabeth laughed as she set off on her unenviable mission.
"Something tells me Dolores will not go quietly," Yaxley commented to Amelia as they both headed towards the food courts to get some lunch.
"I would have been surprised if she did," Amelia answered wryly. She then regarded Yaxley with an assessing look. "How are things progressing at your end?"
"Well, we have found someone willing to publish an article on the Madam Secretary and her … unorthodox manner in dealing with students," Yaxley pulled a bit of a face. "We have had to resort to turning to The Quibbler for help."
"Xenophilius Lovegood's magazine? Well I never …" Amelia chuckled as they stepped into the nearest and best lift. "Funny how life sometimes goes."
"In our case, it is a never ending nightmare," Yaxley grumbled.
"Oh please! Don't pull that I-am-darkness-and-death act on me, Corban! I can see it in your eyes – you are enjoying yourself! Immensely!" Amelia teased happily.
"You are imagining things, Amelia," Yaxley attempted to dismiss.
"You may fool yourself but you do not fool me," Amelia's eyes shone as they stepped into the food court. "I have seen you with my own two eyes."
"I think you may be needing glasses."
"Try and wipe that smirk off your face when you attempt to convince someone you are not having fun, Corban!"
Yaxley was about to retort when there came excited yelling. "There he is! Corban! Yaxley! Get over 'ere! Come and dish the latest news of the Senior Undertoad!"
Amelia giggled as they looked over to see Tonks sitting with a group of other young Ministry employees – what looked like – and was waving rather madly, her hair turning more and more pink. Her friends were trying to reign her in, but to no avail. Yaxley sighed deeply before turning to his ally.
"Save me," he pleaded.
Amelia snorted. "You will be fine. Go!"
Yaxley, half reluctantly, approached the Order member and her friends, trying as best as he could to keep a stern expression on his countenance. However, for whatever reason, Yaxley was finding it incredibly difficult to do so.
Tonks' friends, one young man and two young ladies, eyed him with a look of interest, but also of deep suspicion, in the case of the young lady with short brown hair that was slightly lighter at the front. They were an odd bunch. One girl was blonde and lithe, positively tiny in comparison to the bear of the young man next to her. The other two ladies both had wild hair, only one's was short and the other had long curls that were all over the place.
Tonks beamed at him. "Join us for a moment, Yaxley. Oh, I don't think you lot have been introduced – Yaxley these are my 'respectable pureblood' friends, as Aunt Bellatrix would say: Barnaby Lee, works in HR. Penny Haywood – former Hufflepuff, like moi, and is an alchemist in addition to being a kick-arse Dark creature legislator. Merula Snyde-Hallow: is part of the Minister for Magic's pro team of advisors. As you can probably imagine, things haven't been too fun for her. And of course, her wife: Asteria. Told you about her before."
"Uh-oh," Asteria grinned as she sipped her fizzy drink. "What manner of things have you been telling your other friends, Tonks?"
"Probably everything by the looks of him," Merula commented steely, eyeing Yaxley as though she were a cat best assessing how to handle her prey. "He looks more stunned than Barnaby did when he got through a book on dragons on his own!"
"Hey!" Lee and Haywood chorused at the same time.
Yaxley had no idea how to retort to that. Tonks chuckled and pushed some of the fries in front of her to her Death Eater companion. "Nah, I saved the best stories for you to tell, Asteria. Ain't going to take away all your fun!"
"Glad to hear," Asteria smirked. "I would hate for me to have to dig up my old nickname for ya!"
Tonks scowled at this. Yaxley immediately sat to attention. "What is so bad about it?"
"Now you've done it – thank you, Asteria!" Tonks huffed.
"You're welcome! Now, Mr. Yaxley, tell me – will I be able to go to the archive soon or is Madam Umbridge still throwing a hissy fit?" Asteria Snyde-Hallow turned to him fully, coffee eyes dancing with worry as well as amusement.
"More like croaking fit," Lee commented.
"As far as we know, yes, she is," Yaxley confirmed with a cough. "However, the Minister has decided that she suspended until she is back to human form and once more not mistaking everyone around her for half-breeds."
"Yeeeeeeees!" Merula Snyde-Hallow was visibly praying in gratitude at this point. "I was a day away from putting Percy Weasley into an early grave! Insufferable prat hasn't changed since Hogwarts!"
"Which means we can all get some work done!" Penny Haywood looked just as happy.
"She might be back tomorrow," Lee found the need to point out.
"Barnaby, please don't got tempting the Fates right now!" Merula begged. "I actually had started to think that my brain was melting from the stress."
"So much for all my pampering," Asteria huffed teasingly.
"Hey, those helped and you know it, loser!"
"I do, but verbal appreciation is held in high regard."
Merula rolled her eyes. "Love you, loser. There? Happy?"
"Ecstatic!"
Yaxley blinked in shock at hearing the wives bantering with each other. Tonks had clearly seen his face because she had started to giggle. "They take some getting used to, I know," she stated lowly. "Let's just put it like this – if Merula does not call Asteria a loser, for whatever reason, something is very badly wrong."
Yaxley blinked in shock.
"Merula is unique," Lee commented with a grin.
"Says the guy who actually played chess with a Niffler!" Merula shot back immediately, ditching her banter with her wife in a few seconds. "And lost!"
"Excuse me?" Yaxley could barely believe his ears as Barnaby Lee turned very red indeed.
"Oh that is a long story!" Haywood laughed.
"Well, I want to know it," Yaxley insisted.
"All right then, Corban, but brace yourself because you're not going to believe – HIGG-YYYYYY!"
Predictably, Tonks, Lee and Asteria were soon distracted by the arrival of one Charlotte Higgs, who looked on one hand exasperated at the behaviour of the three in question – like she was completely used to it by now – and on the other hand, incredibly amused, especially when Tonks, Lee and Asteria rushed over to greet her.
Yaxley tried to strangle the feeling of envy in his stomach; Merula and Haywood's chuckling gave him enough of a distraction.
"You know, when Tonks told me that you two were being civil to each other, thought she was pulling on my leg," Merula stated bluntly, looking directly at Yaxley. "But you're still sitting here, so I guess she wasn't as coo-coo as I first thought."
"You thought your own friend was a liar?" Yaxley sneered.
"No, I thought you were very likely a changeling or someone was impersonating you," Merula responded, drumming her fingers on the table. "Because the Yaxley I heard about from my parents would never have risked being seen in the company of a half-blood who didn't hate themselves for being half-blood."
Yaxley's lips curled into a sneer for a moment before he settled for scowling at the young Snyde scion.
"So Yaxley has made an exception to his rule," Yaxley really did not expect Penny Haywood to defend him. "I don't see how that is our business, Mer."
"Because it concerns Tonks, Pen," Merula answered simply. "She already has her heart broken by a stupid werewolf of all people. Not just going to sit by and let it happen again when we can do something about it!"
Yaxley had no idea how to respond to any of this. It was perhaps a good thing that Tonks quickly returned with Lee, Asteria and Higgs in tow. "So, Corban," Tonks stated, "want to tell me the excuse you had for not visiting Dippy?"
Hekate and Aradia, give me strength, Yaxley prayed internally as he prepared himself for the inevitable.
"I didn't feel like it," Yaxley responded crisply.
Tonks scoffed. "Didn't feel like it! Guess I will just have to drag your lazy behind to go and see him then."
"I would like to see you try," Yaxley regretted the words almost immediately because Tonks began smirking.
"You have done it now, Corban," Charlotte Higgs commented with a grin. "Good luck getting out of this one!"
"Can someone please tell me the Niffler story now?" Yaxley begged.
"Oh very well," Asteria Snyde-Hallow smirked. "It all started when my dear wife was being her usual charming self …"
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Avior and the Carrow twins spent a good deal of their afternoon skulking around Knockturn Alley and going from Dark magic shop to Dark magic shop, looking for a suitable torture device – sorry, prank – to send to Harry I-Need-A-Taste-of-My-Own-Medicine-Properly Potter. The Dark Lord had given all three permission to try and get their own back in an effort to alleviate Avior's pranking itch, Alecto's mood and to just get Amycus out of the house for a few hours of peace.
Avior admitted readily that the Carrows were lucky they hadn't had a Cruciatus thrown in their direction yet from their Lord, the current mood they were in. Alecto was more grumpy than ever: she had not too long ago been informed that she would, in theory, be taking the place of the Muggle Studies professor at Hogwarts while, in theory, Amycus would be the new Dark Arts teacher.
Alecto was more than a little salty about that. That, and she lost a round of Street Fighter II to both Antonin and Walden. As for Amycus, he was in a mood because the hunt for Mikah the werewolf's letters had not borne fruit again and he was being extra annoying because of it, which was ruining Mikah's flow in writing the article.
Hence, why both of them had been kicked out of the house under a Glamour for a bit. Currently the three Death Eaters were perusing Cobb & Webb's for something suitable. Currently, Winifred Cobb, heiress and daughter of William Cobb, was explaining the effects of some enchanted tarot card decks to Alecto while Clarice Webb, the niece of Paula Webb, was going through some Dark Arts books with Amycus as well as several apparently cursed totems. Avior found himself drifting between the two conversations; despite all the interesting objects in the store, Avery Senior did not feel a particular pull to any one of them. He had asked Augustus and Rodolphus how they had picked Melpomene and Morpheus, and both had mentioned some kind of funny pulling feeling in their gut.
So whilst Alecto and Amycus left Cobb & Webb's satisfied with their purchases, Avior was a little despondent but also determined to find himself a good prank too. Avery Senior had been most tempted to buy a cursed top hat from McHavelock's Wizarding Headgear but decided against it when he saw the hat changed shape way too often for his liking. Avior was a little bit disappointed, because the hat would have been a good one.
"You are overthinking things, Avior!" Alecto huffed as they left the shop. "Just buy the boy a tie that likes to try and hang its wearer and be done with it!"
"This is not a Yule gift – it's revenge!" Amycus added.
"Shut up – both of you," Avior advised coldly. "When I want you input, I will ask for it."
The Carrows huffed but did as they were told. Avior could have a nasty temper when pushed and they didn't fancy being on the wrong end of his wand.
Eventually, Avior found himself stopping outside the Ye Olde Curiosity Store. It had been so abrupt that Avery Senior almost lost his balance. However, the Death Eater quickly recovered and set foot in the store with a determined pace, Alecto and Amycus trailing after him. The shop had everything from magic mirrors to masks to magical portraits to puppets and toys, which immediately put all three Death Eaters off. However, Avior had the funny pulling feeling finally in his gut and knew what he was looking for was here somewhere so he went to see if he could find an employee.
The person was someone none of them had expected to see: a young woman, quite pretty too with raven curls and blueish-green eyes, dressed rather mundanely and working on an intricate-looking clock. Avior cleared his throat a little, causing her to jump almost out of her skin.
"Oh I am so sorry. I did not mean to startle you," Avior flushed red in embarrassment.
The young lady chuckled. "It's quite all right, sir. I do get rather absorbed into my work. How may I be of assistance?"
"Well, I am looking for something rather unique. I honestly don't know quite what exactly, but I don't want it to be a run-of-the-mill thing," Avior answered.
"All right," the young woman frowned thoughtfully. "What is the intended purpose?"
"To cause misery to this person," came Amycus' reply.
"Shut up," Avior glared at Amycus before turning back to the confused young woman. "I have been receiving some rather … interesting presents of late from an acquittance of ours and I would rather like to get my own back."
The young woman's face lit up a little. "Ah! You have been pranked, sir?"
"Indeed," Avior agreed readily.
"Well, normally for a prank I would suggest visiting Messrs Weasley, but I take it childish tricks simply will not do," the young lady had gotten up at this point and had gone to the room in the back, most likely her office.
"You can say that again," Alecto felt like she could confirm.
"Thought as much," came the musical lilt from inside the office. "Now where is that blasted box – ah! Here it is!"
The odd young woman came back, beaming, carrying a rather large, long rectangular box, causing the three disguised Death Eaters to exchange a look. The girl didn't notice – she was too busy humming away as she undid the complicated latches on the box and opened it for her customers to peruse its contents. The box had a collection of masks, all intricate and slightly eerie looking. They actually looked reminiscent of masks all three owned but these masks were more animal than human and positively covered in engravings with sigils on their foreheads.
"Deceptively ordinary looking," Avior commented.
"Indeed, sir," the girl readily agreed. "Except, of course, when one uses them. These masks were left to me to find a new home for by the husband of an Unspeakable who recently passed away. Apparently, his wife used some very unorthodox methods to complete missions – the masks were part of that. From what he told me, the masks have the capability to look into people's hearts, minds and souls as well as the ability to see through other wearer's eyes. That is, if the masks are linked with each other."
"Excuse me?" Amycus blinked in shock.
"That is not even grazing the surface of what they can do but the man refused to give me any more information," the young lady huffed in annoyance. "I never saw him again."
"Why give it to you, and not Borgin or Burke?" Alecto wanted to know.
"Apparently that was a stipulation in the will," the young lady chuckled. She looked lovingly down at the masks. "I think it is long overdue that they find a new home. It might not be the most obvious prank but they could give this person in question a fright."
"I doubt that – he is not easily scared," Avior informed with a grin. "But I do think it is worth a try. How much are they?"
"One thousand five hundred Galleons," came the easy answer.
Out came the gold from all three Death Eaters' pockets. They meticulously counted the gold out to make sure they had the right total before pushing the purse with the Galleons in them towards the strange witch opposite them. She beamed at them as she closed the box and handed it over to Avior.
"Pleasure doing business with you! I hope your acquaintance takes good care of them."
"I am sure he will," Avior tucked the box carefully under his arm. Alecto and Amycus already headed for the door but Avery Senior stopped for a moment and regarded the young woman, who had started to pick up her tools again. "Out of curiosity, what is your name? Just in case I am asked where I got the masks from?"
Avior felt himself flushing again, and kicked himself for it internally.
The young woman looked up with a sly smile. "My name is Alice Ferrars, sir. Should I expect a Howler soon, do you think?"
"No. I doubt it, but I do like covering my tracks," Avior reassured before he forced himself to turn and walk for the shop entrance.
Outside, Alecto was biting into her cheek to stop herself from laughing while Amycus was pinching the bridge of his nose. Avior scowled at them both. "What is it?" he demanded.
"You need lessons in flirting," was all Alecto had to answer with. "You're lucky you got her name out of her!"
Avior spluttered, going redder than a Gryffindor tie. "I was not flirting!"
"No, you fished for her name in the most obvious way possible so you could perhaps flirt with her in the future."
"Shut up, Amy!"
"He is right, though."
"And you can hold your tongue too, Alecto!" Avior huffed. "Not a word to anyone at home about this, understood? Not a word or I will ask Potter to send you more My Little Pony merchandise, Amy!"
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"I have had a look at our calendar and I just realised – it's Alecto and Amycus' birthday coming up soon!"
"Ah yes, October 8th, wasn't it?"
"General, are we going to arrange something special for their birthday?"
"Or are we just going to give them a moment's peace?"
"Dennis, look at his eyes – I doubt those two will be able to sleep that night because Harry has decided to order them fireworks."
"Ron, that's not a bad idea! Might keep that in mind."
"Oh boy."
"Welcome to the madness, Nott. Do you regret your decision yet?"
Team Prank was once again relaxing in each other's company up in Gryffindor Tower, with Melpomene singing and humming along to songs on the radio that was Zabini, Millicent Bulstrode and Theo Nott had joined them on this occasion, mostly because Snape was still on the hunt for Blaise and Millie, and Theo had been invited by Harry and Hermione to join after he had expressed an genuine interested in the practise of Muggle dentistry at Slughorn's dinner. The three Snakes watched the coo-coo Lions, Badger and Eagle start tossing ideas back and forth between each other.
"Maybe we should book them into Centre Parcs for a night or three?" Colin Creevey suggested.
"I think we should send them to Disney Land," Seamus cackled.
"No! Disney Land should be for all of them together, not just those two party poopers!" Dennis disagreed emphatically. "I say we send them tickets to a theme park."
"Honestly, I don't think those two are likely to go anywhere we try to send them unless Mr. Noseless and the rest of the entourage comes with them," Harry huffed, causing the three Snakes to gape at hearing the Dark Lord being called Mr. Noseless. "Let's also try and keep it a little simple – we don't want to risk too many Muggle lives in this endeavour."
"Then how about sending the birthday twins and the rest of them to a ten-pin bowling alley?" Dean suggested. "They can apparently go to a museum now. Let's see how they handle this particular Muggle game!"
Oh for fuck's sake, was the thought shared by the young Snakes at this point.
Unfortunately, Team Prank all lit up at the idea, with Harry Potter's verdant eyes gleaming with anticipation.
"Perfect! I will get in touch with Big D later and we will arrange when and where," the Tormentor of the Death Munchers stated happily.
"Big D?" Blaise could not help but repeat as he started spluttering. "Who is that?"
A tension started blanketing Team Prank all of a sudden. However, Harry simply turned to him with a smirk. "Our agent outside Hogwarts' walls."
This made the Snakes' eyes widen.
"Agent?" Millicent repeated weakly.
"Outside Hogwarts?" Theo added.
Of course! So that is how ridiculously efficient they were at continuing to besiege Malfoy Manor. There was someone helping them who wasn't at Hogwarts and was still on the outside! But who could it be?
"We have eyes and ears in a lot of places," Ron Weasley could not resist scaring the three of them further.
Blaise looked concerned, Millicent looked more scared than she was and Theo had no idea whether or not he was actually joking. Well, very soon Blaise and Millie would be even more petrified, but it would not be because of Harry or the rest of Team Prank.
It would be because of a knock at the portrait, and the person who was knocking.
"Could someone please fetch Mr. Potter as quickly as possible? I have wasted my time by bringing the homework the Headmaster has set him."
Snape.
Immediately, Blaise and Millicent dived behind the sofa that Ginny, Dean and Seamus were occupying while Harry went nonchalantly over to the portrait entrance and opened it with a bright smile. "Here I am, sir! We were just all doing homework."
Snape sneered. "Well, I have some more for you," he stated coolly as he pressed the Headmaster's Pensieve and several vials into his hands. "I hope you have enough sense in that head of yours to look at these when you are alone, or when you know your friends are asleep."
"Of course, sir," Harry reassured serenely. He then sobered a little, especially as his least favourite teacher turned to walk away. "Sir, I have a question."
"If it is about Potions, Potter-"
"It's about my mother."
The Head of Slytherin House very nearly tripped over his own feet at this point. Those dark eyes had widened considerably and the already pale countenance paled further. Harry, though, did not back down. "Professor Slughorn told me that you knew each other. That you were best friends, childhood friends, even. Is this true?"
Snape stood rooted to his spot, utterly gorgonised. For a further moment or two he didn't even blink or breathe. Finally he answered. "Yes. It is true."
Harry scoffed to himself quietly. "And why did no one ever tell me?"
The scowl was back on Snape's countenance within a second. The Head of Slytherin pulled out his remote.
"BECAUSE IT IS NONE OF YOUR CONCERN, STUPID BOY!"
With that, the man stalked away, not looking back over his shoulder, leaving Harry with more questions and a small scowl on his own face. He knew Snape was hiding something, and hopefully the Secret Spiller would catch what exactly.
###########################################################################
You are driving yourself mad, you know that? Either you write the letter, or don't. But do not keep this indecision up any longer.
Balthazar knew his subconscious was right. He had spent days doing the same thing over and over again each evening: contemplate writing a letter back to the Potter boy, coming to a decision and then doubting or chickening out at the last minute. It was not that Balthazar was reluctant to write to the boy – he was apprehensive of the consequences that could follow from him answering the letter.
Writing a letter to inform the boy of what his pranks had done was one thing; actually opening up to the so-called Saviour was a whole different ball game entirely. What if someone outside of Team Prank saw the letter? What if the Potter boy tells Albus Greatest-Mad-Coot-Since-Gwilym-of-Cumbria Dumbledore everything?
Then again, there isn't one thing that Dumbledore doesn't know about you already, the voice once more pointed out. Besides, the boy and his friends trusted you and the others to help them with their Umbridge problem. More to the point, Potter isn't one of those Know Thy Enemy types. He hasn't misused the fact Bella has fertility issues, either.
Frustrated, Balthazar put the radio on, which happened to be the music channel. The current song? Sun and Water by Celestina Warbeck and the singer Araya Ashwind – a favourite of both his wife and Xander. Tears immediately threatened to fall but Balthazar blinked them away furiously.
He huffed to himself. "Trying to tell me something, both of you?" he scoffed. "Now I know how Rafiki feels!"
There was no furious gust of wind in his case – it wasn't needed. Balthazar had already made up his mind once and for all. He sat down at his desk, clenching his jaw in determination as he dipped his quill a few times into the ink pot and began quilling the letter that he had been putting off for so long.
Very soon, he could hear Lysander, Antonin, Rabastan and several others sing along to the song through the walls; almost as though it were confirmation from Xander and Ostasia that Balthazar had done the right thing.
#########################################################################
Hasn't Snape learned anything? One should not simply dangle mysteries in front of the nose of Harry James Potter! How will Team Prank receive the retaliations? Will Alecto and Amycus have to face retribution on their own birthday? How well will the article and comic be received by everyone? You will just have to stay tuned and find out!
I seem to remember someone suggesting a retaliation prank should be giving Harry and his friends masks from someone – well, whoever it was, I loved the idea and I cannot wait to write it. Your ideas are all amazing – I especially like the young werewolves starting to give everyone their own theme tune idea – and I will try and use as many as possible. I am sorry for taking so long. When I have an idea for a story it needs to get out or I lose it. Which is why I uploaded for some of my other stories quite quickly. Plus, this one takes a little longer because it has to be just right. Yes I know … I am a writer version of Goldilocks.
Thank you for all your patience and I hope this moment of madness has once more brought a smile to your face!
Kingmaker'sUmbreon