Chapter 5

Yashamaru (approximate time: 5:30 AM)

Katiya had woken up early to go training before the sun rose. Part of him knew that Katiya hated seeing Gaara like they did last night—and she didn't want to be there when she saw him because it hurt, just like it hurt Yashamaru, to see Gaara in such a state. But Yashamaru knew that avoiding Gaara wasn't going to help either. And although Katiya knew that as well, she also didn't want Gaara to see that she was afraid, not yet until she calmed down, worried about how Gaara would react. And that thought took precedence in her mind.

So she had left early to train, working on wind-style jutsu this time, without Gaara. And left Yashamaru in the house with Gaara, who had yet to come out of his room from his semi-conscious state since last night.

Yashamaru busied himself making food. It was his mission to keep both Gaara and the village safe, but what the Kazekage did to his own son did not make things easy. Yashamaru cut a fresh loaf of bread into slices. It had been a while since Gaara had such a bad… fit, Yashamaru noted. It was a bad idea to leave him here alone. Guilt tugged at Yashamaru's mind. But what else would we have done?

How long can we keep this up? And what will happen once the provisional time is over? And what would happen if Katiya, hearing the Kazekage's threat, left Suna sooner rather than later?

I knew it was a bad idea to bring her up with the Kazekage.

Gaara trudged out of his room. Yashamaru waved at him. "Hey Gaara, how was your sleep?"

Gaara's eyes were narrow and bore into Yashamaru's own eyes, staring into his soul. Oh boy, the Shukaku's not gone yet.

The sound of sand shifting, like a dry hiss rung through the house. Yashamaru gulped. Maybe Katiya had the right idea, leaving when she did.

Yashamaru took a deep, calming breath. He knelt down to Gaara's level holding a plate of chicken gizzard on toast with a light sauce that tasted vaguely like barbecue before him. Gaara's favorite food. "You hungry?" Yashamaru asked, trying to be as normal as possible, like Katiya did whenever Gaara was coming out of Shukaku's stupor.

Gaara looked at him, his eyes returning to their usual child-like orbs. Yashamaru smiled at the boy, and Gaara took the plate from him with a small thank you. Back to the child he was at last.

Katiya (approximate time: 7:00 AM)

Katiya couldn't sleep last night. Yashamaru stayed with Gaara until he calmed down, and the fact that both she and Yashamaru were in the house calmed Gaara greatly. Still, Katiya, especially now, was trying to make things better, not worse.

How am I supposed to turn Gaara into a weapon and still keep him mentally sane? It's insane! It can't be done!

She summoned a wooden staff from a Storage Scroll and twirled it experimentally. She needed to think. And training always helped clear her mind.

Since contacting the Kazekage (really, him contacting her), she felt more comfortable using wind-style jutsu and training in public. She still hadn't used any fire-style jutsu or even her Sharingan for fear they might figure out who and what she was, but she hadn't needed either yet. But just in case, she brought her black tinted goggles with her, just in case her Sharingan activated involuntarily. (That, and to prevent sand from getting into her face.)

She swung her staff. Wind Scythe Jutsu! she mentally called. The wind from her staff amplified with the input of her chakra. It was slightly harder to execute the Wind Scythe Jutsu with a staff rather than a fan, since fans were naturally good at shifting air currents, but with a little bit more chakra, the two can achieve the same effect without the use of hand signs. Rivulets of air currents spun out of her swung staff. The sand kicked up, billowing in a crescent shaped cloud from the wind's strength. Wind Scythe Jutsu execution successful, Katiya thought.

Katiya then jabbed with her staff, rubbing the air currents across the wood to create an "wind blade", extending the reach and damaging force of the staff. She made an arc with her staff perpendicular to her left shoulder. The short staff, ordinarily not being able to touch the ground at that height carved a sharp cut into the ground. Good. "Wind blade" execution successful. She smacked the staff onto the ground following the over-the-shoulder arc. It cleaved the ground in front of her. Again, "wind blade" execution successful.

She picked it up and swung it again, waving the staff faster and faster with one hand over her head 360 degrees. Wind Style: Great Slashing Tornado Jutsu! Katiya tried, changing her grip back to both hands and pointing the staff into the direction she wanted it to go.

Whoosh. A mini-tornado blew past, only for the wind to weaken and the tornado to slow down a few seconds later. Internally, Katiya sighed. Wind Style: Great Slashing Tornado Jutsu execution: unsuccessful. Guess I'll need a bit more chakra for it.

Katiya tried it again. And again. And again. It was much harder to do a Wind Style: Great Slashing Tornado Jutsu, or any jutsu, really, without a teacher or someone for her to copy.

But, by the end of the day, she had one more jutsu under her belt. She went to go find Gaara.

Author's Note

The "wind blade" Katiya made is not to be confused with Baki's Blade of Wind Jutsu. Baki's Blade of Wind is a full wind-style jutsu where one makes blades MADE of wind. What Katiya did was more similar to Kabuto's Chakra Scalpels, combined with how Asuma uses his chakra blades (METAL blades that conduct chakra). She conducts chakra through and over her staff which (for the sake of the story) she is able to do because her staff is chakra wood (the same wood used to make chakra indicator paper from canon Naruto Shippudden) and hones that into a blade to extend the range and jabbing power.

Gaara (approximate time: 2:00 PM)

Gaara was at his swing, waiting for Katiya. He waited through the hottest part of the day for her, waiting for her to walk back from the training area. Slowly, her form came over the horizon.

I knew she'd come back.

Gaara jumped up from his swing and waved. Katiya waved back, and with a quick Body Flicker, she was in front of him. He hugged her. Katiya simply smiled and returned the hug.

"Are we going glob dance again today?" he asked.

Katiya removed herself from the hug. "Nah, we're going to do something different."

Katiya (approximate time: 2:00 PM)

She held a paper up in her hand. "Gaara, I want you to fold origami from this paper without ripping it."

Gaara stared at her. She took out another paper from her pack and placed it on the floor. She made a cupping motion with her hands, making a scooping in the direction of the paper. Her water followed the motion. For Katiya, the harder part was not wetting the paper. She needed at least good chakra control—as well as pressure control to avoid ripping the paper—as would Gaara.

She made a sandwiching motion. The paper folded in half diagonally. She pushed water into the fold, unfolding it. She repeated the sandwiching motion. Then unfolded it. She did that two more times, before using a stiff fingered motion to collapse the paper into a crane base.

Her water and her hands began to shake slightly. Her chakra was imbued into the water, but that didn't change the fact that water's natural properties were there—she just had to make an effort to fight them. Only in a container, would a liquid behave like a solid—unable to be displaced, only then it was non-compressible. So she effectively had to make a container, fluid enough to be manipulated, but stiff enough that it won't be displaced by anything it touched—like a body when forming a weapon of water.

Katiya made a pinching motion and peeled the wings apart. It was a crane. A rough one, but an origami crane. She held it up with her water, the water wavering slightly in an attempt to balance the crane without submersing or wetting it.

Gaara cupped his hand around it, taking the crane carefully. Katiya took in his expression with sad, darkened eyes.

Games. It's all just games until someone you care for gets hurt. How can I force you to do it—give it all up—the games, the fun, your childhood—for a lifetime of nothing but hurting others? When we both know that's not the life you want.

Gaara took another paper in his hands. "Can you show me how to fold it again?"

Katiya nodded and obliged.

Gaara (approximate time: 4:00 PM)

Gaara and Katiya were having a late lunch or snack at an outdoor restaurant in one of the understreets. She was friends with the store owner, and only that allowed them to eat in the outdoor semi-sand pelted area under a canvas balcony. Passerby-ers were giving the pair stares, but since none had any maliciousness in their gaze, both Katiya and Gaara didn't have to worry about repercussions.

Gaara was sucking on a roasted lizard while Katiya sipped tea and took bites out of a pastry. The browned lizard on a stick crunched when Gaara bit into it. Yashamaru didn't really ever cook for him like that.

Gaara watched the expression on Katiya's face. After a moment, he asked carefully, "Are you afraid of me? It's alright if you say yes…"

Katiya lifted an eyebrow. Katiya's goggles were atop her head, making her expression clearly visible. She looked down and then sighed. "Yes… but no," she said simply.

Gaara looked at her in shock both at her answer and at her tone. "Then-then why do you stay with me then? Is it because of my father?"

Katiya gave Gaara a small smile. "No, Gaara, I'm not here because of your father. You missed the second half of my answer… If anything, he wants me gone."

Gaara gaped at her. Father wants her gone? "Then why do you stay? If you're afraid?"

Katiya looked at him sympathetically and sighed. "Because. You're more afraid of yourself than I am of you," she said, "And I'm afraid of what happens if you lose control, but so are you. I'm not afraid of you, I'm afraid of… I'm afraid of what would happen if I weren't there for you—I'm afraid of what would happen if the Shukaku took over completely… But we all have some part of ourselves that we're afraid of, that we're worried would hurt those we care about… But unlike the villagers and everyone else, I know that and I know that you're not trying to hurt me… So that makes it different."

Gaara made a small "O" with his open mouth before recovering to bite off one of the lizard legs. "We all have some part of ourselves that we're afraid of, that we're worried would hurt those we care about," Gaara mentally repeated, "I know that you're not trying to hurt me. That makes it different."

Behind him, some people at the restaurant began to gesture at him, trying to wave down a waitress, catching Katiya's attention.

"Why don't we go somewhere else," she said before Gaara could respond.

She ushered him out to leave. At the door, before exiting, she shot a slightly killing-intent laced glare at the pair who started gesturing at them. The two glared back, forceful but a hint afraid.

…

A few minutes later, they were walking home. She had finished up her pastry, but Gaara was still savoring his lizard. She had a hand on his shoulder, guiding him while they walked.

"Katiya?"

"Hmm?"

"How does knowing I'm not trying to hurt you make it different?"

Knowing Gaara was still thinking about their conversation earlier, she responded without question, "Well, it's like…" she looked around, then saw a dog in the corner of her eye. It wasn't the best metaphor—far from it—but it was the best Katiya could come up with at the time. "It's… like a… stray dog. When they're not trained, they don't know who's their friend or enemy. So they bark at everyone, and sometimes anything. They just do it to keep themselves safe, and scare off the bigger dogs who want to hurt them. But sometimes, someone's trying to be friendly with them, but they don't know it… So they bark at that person too."

Gaara frowned. He did more than just bark at people. He thought back to Yashamaru's damaged arm. He bit them.

Katiya went on, "Sometimes people like dogs that bark and bite at people. But those are bad people. They just want someone—want a dog—to hurt the people they don't like."

Gaara stopped walking to look at her. "But doesn't the dog want to bite people?"

Katiya looked at him sadly. "No. Not all the time... Most of the time they just do it because they don't know any better. They can't help it. But when they do bite and bark all the time, sometimes they chase away the people they care for. And then they get lonely… They don't want to be lonely… But that bad person doesn't care—he just wants a weapon."

Gaara looked at Katiya and the faraway look in her eyes. "Oh," he quietly whispered.

Katiya (approximate time: 6:00 PM)

Yashamaru had set up dinner before heading out to work and report to the Kazekage. The food was cold, but they ate it anyways. Katiya didn't have much of an appetite. She had a lot on her mind.

Five months, she decided. She would stay with Gaara for five more months, and then leave. She'd train Gaara to control his sand and his emotions and no more. The Kazekage needed her relationship to make Gaara a weapon. With her out of the picture, Gaara would never listen to the Kazekage. Never have to throw away his heart.

And best of all, hopefully, with her gone… and Yashamaru there, Gaara would still be safe. Safe from the life of living as a rogue, and safe from becoming a weapon from the delicate child she knew.

She'd leave him, but it was for the best.

Author's Note

I by no means support the metaphor used in this chapter; I only used it to highlight the fact that the average shinobi and mental-emotional health support for them isn't a thing, so they'd do what they can. The result is some things that can help one's mental health, and some things that might offend the people they are trying to help. Of course, in real life, help from a professional tends to yield the best results compared to hit-or-miss situations like Katiya's.