Author's Note

This whole arc, I don't like the Katiya bits… but it all sort of builds up to what needs to happen later so… *shrugs… it's this or a giant time skip and I hate giant time skips, besides the sensical ones when logic tells you interesting episode-worthy stuff can't happen every day.

Other notes:

The "Tongue Eradication Curse Mark" I write about in here is the same as the "Cursed Tongue Eradication Seal" in the Narutopedia pages… I switched "seal" with "mark" to be more consistent with my own writing, and make the name of the jutsu itself flow better in English. They basically mean the same thing anyways. It comes up in here. Note: the way Danzo has it set up here: it covers specific classified details of ongoing items, but not general statements about Root or Danzo himself... you'll see.

Itachi is also basically using a "Talk no Jutsu" someplace in here. It might be very… out of character for him because I haven't seen much of him yet… but… I tried… Skip at your own discretion, as always.

Chapter 30

Lord Rasa (the next day, approximate time: 7:00 AM)

The most powerful man in Sunagakure looked over his own personal reports on his children with steely eyes. From the meeting with Otogakure, he knew there was much to prepare for. And much he needed his children to train for. The proposal from Otogakure, after all, promised to be the most advantageous to Sunagakure that he had seen since the botched birth of his youngest son.

Said son, of course, clearly in need of a different sort of training than the rest of his children. Clearly, if the inter-village exams and the alliance with Oto were to go without hitch. Clearly, if he was going to use his son to do reconnaissance on this "Otogakure".

Baki (approximate time: 8:30 PM)

"Gaara," Baki called to his student.

Gaara stilled from where he was, en route back to his quarters after "training".

"Gaara, this is for you."

Baki watched as the boy he was addressing slowly turned towards him. If it had been any other moment, if Baki himself had not initiated the interaction, the movement would have been worrisome. Such was the nature of the Jinchuriki child. But despite being a Jinchuriki, the child was still his student.

Baki held up the string-tied package of cloth he had for Gaara. A thick leather strap that doubled as armor, that could hold his sand gourd better than the white cloth he was using presently; a loose black bodysuit with pockets, to make up for the boy's penchant of forgoing the shinobi-standard pouches; and the most expensive and likely unnecessary piece: a mesh armor undershirt to diffuse blunt attacks. Gaara wordlessly lifted the package from his sensei with his sand before retreating away.

Baki watched him go. Of course, the gear came out of his own pocket, but it was apparent to the sensei that the boy would have never spent that much money on himself. Baki knew the Chunin Exams were daunting for any genin. And what he had endured for so long under his father, even more so.

It was the least he could do.

Gaara (approximate time: 10:00 PM)

The full moon came. And once again, it was only his father that stopped him from destroying the Kazekage's compound and the rest of the village. His physical body now held to where he had last put it before the moonrise. Standing. Under the night sky.

The village, waiting for him. The village, still containing the one who must have never cared for him. The one who his mother was currently begging him to kill. Waiting for him to kill.

Katiya (approximate time: 10:00 PM)

Katiya breathed as memories washed over her from within the sand formed rooms they were now staying in. Her eyes prickled terribly.

Why did I have to burn Yashamaru's message? I could have used it—to show Gaara—proof—!

She mechanically pulled out a jar of ink and a calligraphy pen, the churning thoughts in the background. She activated her Sharingan. She was given the privacy of one of the rooms in the Kazekage's own compound. It didn't matter, her teammates, this time around.

She remembered the words, or so she liked to think. But the writing on them… the writing style.

What did it look like? What did it say?

The brush she held in her hand dribbled ink onto the paper.

What did his handwriting look like?

The mental image she had in her mind was not clear. Rushed, hurried little strokes, the gist of the message, but she remembered little else. Her eyes, though burning now, still only had two meager tomoe. Katiya's hand tightened on the brush—

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Stupid, was Yashamaru attempting to kill his adoptive son to "give him strength." Stupid, was Katiya burning her proof, any proof that she did not betray him—did not leave Gaara willingly… But what did it matter? Still, she had gone. Still, Gaara was in no mood to speak to her.

I'm sorry.

She let out a sharp breath and pulled the chakra from her eyes, unable to hold the Sharingan for much longer. Stupid, was her not striving harder to unlock the full potential of her Sharingan.

Useless.

After all that time, it was still the power available to her that dictated her fate—Guren's power—that had saved her when Kabuto hadn't even lifted a finger. When her own power was useless. She knew, of course, that she only saw what Orochimaru wanted her to see. She knew it.

But what does it even matter?

Either way, Katiya knew she was grasping at straws—at ways to convince Gaara of her sincerity—and of even reasons to go back. Even she knew it was a sad desperate sort of… desperation, that wanting to go back to a time that couldn't exist anymore. She knew there was nothing she could say that could have validated her relationship with Gaara, having first started their relationship on a lark. It wasn't something strong enough to be worth preserving. She should have known better, that what had happened would happen. It was just comical that it took her that long to realize it.

She had been naive.

When she had first met him, Katiya got a greater sense of uncontrolled—unintended destruction—than actual intent to harm from the red headed Jinchuriki. Back when he was controlling Shukaku. Willing to control Shukaku. But now, Katiya knew he was just danger. Danger she spent her entire life heading away from. She had been naive to not expect the boy growing into such… a thing.

She knew she had always been too weak. Too uncertain with her own power to deal with it.

She had lacked the strength to protect Gaara, back then. To protect him from his fate.

She lacked the power to.

Even now, she knew still lacked the strength to return to him… And then again, lacked the power to protect herself from him, a little child with the intent to kill, when that had failed.

Again and again. Once again, she was too weak.

And ever so naive, to even think she had a place with him to return to. Because if it was the one thing she learned from her travels, it was that "home" was only an abstract concept. An unattainable one, at that, the way she had been seeking it. The meaning she attached to the word, too stupidly idealistic.

What can an apology do? What's there even to apologize for?

She let out a laugh. A short bark of a laugh, if you could call it that. Lacking the humor or joy we associate with the word.

He should have been thankful. But he's not. So what can you do?

Nothing.

She found herself feeling suddenly sympathetic to the master that had taken her in. She knew Lord Orochimaru had been trying to manipulate her. But it didn't change the fact that she had that weakness available. Waiting to be exploited. Her own naivety. Was it manipulation if he had simply been showing her the truth? It was Gaara that had rejected her, not Lord Orochimaru.

Would it be so bad for me to stay with Lord Orochimaru?

She knew then that despite all that time journeying, knowledge would still remain the one friend that would never turn its back on her. The affection for books, the quest for knowledge, a savior to the lonely and to the weak. The one friend she wouldn't have to leave because she was too weak to preserve it, being exactly what would make her strong. The one friend who wouldn't leave her, because its existence depended so deeply on its wielder's acknowledgement. The wielder's presence.

Yashamaru, Rasa, Itachi… They were all the same, Katiya realized. Lord Orochimaru had done her a favor, really, by helping her see the flaw. The flaw that made her think even for a moment that "victory" against something as abstract as loneliness was possible. Lord Orochimaru, the one who had helped her. Twice, now. Three times. Saved her life from two batches of would-be killers… and saved her by giving her a home. When the red headed Jinchuriki and his family barely did that even once.

Her mother had told her to avoid the snake man. She knew the snake man was dangerous. But her mother had worked with him herself. And so many seemed to even enjoy working with Lord Orochimaru.

Would it be so bad? For me to stay with Lord Orochimaru?

Loneliness. It's just something that's a part of life, she found herself saying to herself. You just live with it or die with it. And Katiya decided to choose the life with it that had the better benefits. She narrowed her eyes, replaying that thought in her mind. Since it doesn't change anything… being here or there…

She swept her hand across her desk lazily, feeling absolutely nothing as her ink bottle and scrap of paper fell to the floor. Done with whatever she was trying to do with it. It wasn't her floor, so what did she care? Being an esteemed guest in the area, she had power over the servants in the building, second only to the hosts. The prickling sensation in her eyes abated.

Guren was right, Katiya mused, watching the ink stain the ground. Nothing really matters, besides power. And the place you carve for yourself, with it. That place, being the home one never has to flee, if one's power is finally strong enough.

Gaara learned it quickly. Guren knew it. Everyone in Oto knew it. Lord Orochimaru was simply the one person kind enough to properly teach it. She had just been in deep denial, she supposed, before then. If knowledge were power, and power what granted desires, then nothing else mattered beside it. And she was still too weak to get what she desired… "Victory".

Gaara (two months later, approximate time: 12:00 PM)

The full moon of the month was over. And the familiar presence had left. Noons in Suna were deadly. That day, one of those times even his father did not want to train him. Deadly. Gaara found himself inside, staring at a package, unopened. Like much of the room, unused.

"This is for you."

Gaara used his sand to pull it open and bring its contents to him. What purposeless thing someone else's useless "love" gave him.

Katiya (approximate time: 12:00 PM)

A black and grey clad figure made her way down to one of the fight rooms. The figure, apparently a medic, hadn't thanked Guren for saving her yet and figured the arenas would have helped her "blow off some steam" as it seemingly did for so many. She was finally back in a place that didn't yet push her away.

"Hey," she said, greeting the woman.

"What do you want? Lord Orochimaru hasn't got any missions coming up for us, I checked," Guren said haltingly as they walked side-by-side.

Shrugs. "I never thanked you for saving me."

Guren scoffed. "I couldn't have one of you no-talents jeopardizing Lord Orochimaru's mission. But it's too bad that bastard Kabuto didn't feel the same way… I'm getting booted to some dump in the middle of nowhere! So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get a few fights in!"

There was a hum of acknowledgment. "I'll join you."

Guren's face lit up, but then grew suspicious. "Why? You hate the rooms!"

"… Think of it like a going-away present. Thought it'd be fun for you… Because you were right."

Power is the only thing that matters.

Guren grinned, unlikely knowing exactly what the other was referring to, but glad to be acknowledged nonetheless. "Hah! Of course I was—about time someone recognized it! Now let's go! Like hell I'm letting you chicken out!" Guren exclaimed, grabbing the grey-clad figure's hand and tugging her in the direction of the fight rooms.

The figure followed without resistance. It had been far from her intention to "chicken out".

Author's Note

I distinctly remember the scene in the next segment happening somewhere. But I forgot the meet's contents and who said what. So. Have some paraphrasing and artistic liberties and made up stuff that very noticeably chops out all spoken word... from the scene… that I'm pretty sure happened canonically... Once again remember that I do not own NARUTO and that the asterisks by the section titles usually mean that the section tidbits feature paraphrased or quoted bits NARUTO anime.

Temari* (approximate time: 1:00 PM)

Temari, the rest of her siblings, her sensei, and her father were gathered in one of the Kazekage compound's rooms.

Attack Konoha? But why?

Logistics.

Reading over the tentative plans, Temari knew at least five teams of Suna-nin would be dispatched to Konoha. But of them, their team would be the only one informed of all parts of the plan. The rest, only there as cover and thus not needing to know… It was doubtful they'd get to even the second part of the exam, Temari gathered as well. Konoha, bound to be using their familiarity with their own terrain to promote as many of their own shinobi regardless.

Temari remembered snippets of a conversation she had before. "It takes time for a kid to grow up, and if war's around and the kid gets injured or gets too little water or nutrients, it's that much more of a struggle to get to their full potential later."

Doesn't it mean it defeats the point—going to war, then—for strength if—?

Temari and the siblings were seated, getting a better debrief of what would be expected of them during the Chunin Exams. Away from the eyes of Otogakure. Baki-sensei, even given the authority to interact with all Oto-nin later on, as Oto and Suna were planning to work together until the coming attack came to fruition. Temari made a half-hearted protest against her father's move. As expected, it went unheeded.

An attack on Konoha… they had much to prepare for.

Katiya (approximate time: 1:00 PM)

She didn't know how it happened, but what she expected to be only one spar had turned into a full-room fight, somehow. She found herself back-to-back with Guren at the moment, dancing around the room's occupants' attempts to dogpile them, strangle them, burst their ears out, or otherwise kill them.

She couldn't say she enjoyed it as much as her companion did, but she felt that the sensation of battle was different. She was no longer able to say she felt guilty nor the slight twinges of sadness and pity she used to, seeing the injured bodies that would apparently need healing.

She knew it would be in Orochimaru's objective to turn her into a fighter rather than a healer, in light of the coming invasion. But it was not him that attacked her with such glee. Someone she made herself care for had done that. Nor was it him that had made her so naive and so weak. She had done that to herself, saying to herself that there was hope when there was none, and that hope could have done anything.

Kabuto (approximate time: 1:00 PM)

Kabuto had left the infirmaries to investigate what was putting so many shinobi in there, having his suspicions and feeling in the mood to berate Guren for the waste. But as he wasn't even supposed to be in Oto in the first place that day, he was ironically but unsurprisingly remorseless about leaving said infirmary's care to less skilled others. And so he stood watching the pair fight behind the stone railing of a fight room, impassive.

The turn of events that had brought the pair he was watching, and to an extent himself, to the fight rooms were in one part of his mind unfortunate and in another an opportunity. The methodology used to manipulate the scenario this time bearing a large resemblance to what he knew of an effective Root ANBU standard procedure. Reconnaissance and message-sending, being missions better taken solo than with that woman of all people. The only reason why he had tolerated that woman on the mission after he had surmised it.

Katsu's body rippled as it collided with a wall.

"… Did you see that?" Kabuto asked, his voice barely audibly over the sounds of battle.

"Mm," a fellow "former" (as if one ever truly could leave) Root member hummed beside him. "What of it?"

"What do you make of it?"

"Well, she's a more able fighter than expected…" Ryuteki started.

Kabuto frowned. "I meant the chakra ripple."

"… Perhaps it's a hiden? Or something she customized herself. She's accumulated quite a few of those."

Kabuto nodded slightly in thought. He could tell despite the distance, it was something of a medical ninjutsu, though it was none he recognized. Too refined to be an extension of taijutsu's conditioning, and too weak to be comparable to his own Yin Wound Healing Jutsu. After observing for a moment longer, he changed the subject. "And your meet with Danzo?"

"To be expected."

Danzo was open to Oto's advances, it meant. Kabuto followed-up the question with another of the same thread. "Root ANBU or all of the ANBU?"

"I cannot say."

The sounds of battle filled the lull in their conversation as Kabuto nodded pensively once more. All shinobi villages had an ANBU or some equivalent, but it was only the Root portion of Konoha's ANBU that was under Danzo Shimura's unilateral control. The rest, while allowing mildly classified military information and power to be distributed to council members including Danzo, fell under the more direct command of the reigning Hokage. The same man Lord Orochimaru quested to eliminate.

Danzo being able to control the entire ANBU to such a degree, bypassing the Hokage was an unlikely stretch, but it was worth a shot.

"Do you think there's anything else you might be able to tell me, besides that?"

"… Unlikely, no."

Kabuto hummed in acknowledgment. Ryuteki remained at the scene to continue watching the pair. She had been placed under a Tongue Eradication Curse Mark from her time in Root, rendering further questioning either useless or fatal, Kabuto knowing full well its effects and limitations. It, of course, among one of the first developed curse mark formulas Oto created, after Kabuto himself had left the Root ANBU to join Lord Orochimaru.

After a moment, he moved to leave.

Katiya (approximate time: 4:00 PM)

She had finally left the fight room, half-carrying Guren, half leaning on her herself. Her flak vest had been ripped to shreds and her ears were bleeding through her balaclava from her own forceful shutoff, but it was far better than what had been inflicted onto her opponents.

She had exited the fight victorious. And that was what mattered.

"You want a drop-off to the infirmaries or your quarters?" she asked, knowing Guren was suffering worse from chakra exhaustion than her injuries.

Guren muttered something intelligible.

"What?"

"… Home…" Guren's mouth moved to say.

The more battered of the pair let out a sigh. She guided Guren home.

Katiya (one month later, approximate time: 7:00 AM)

Even from the edge of the cave entrance that was their temporary meeting place, Itachi knew something had happened. While still rather heavy for the average chunin, the calm, clear, sharp wash of chakra Katiya subtly emitted had changed.

He approached the interior of the cave cautiously. Based on physical appearances alone, nothing had changed, not really. She came in the similar Oto greys and blacks as she had worn previously. But had Katiya been able to see her own body posture, she would have noticed how much stiffer it was. How much more tense.

"That's for you," she stated from where she was seated, perpendicular to the entrance. She didn't move to face Itachi as he approached. She gestured to a simple bag of scrolls dismissively.

It took her a while to talk herself into even coming. But she had off-time until her next mission and she had been making a move to avoid the infirmaries. She was only there to say a few things, by her intentions. She knew Orochimaru was trying to manipulate her. She just wanted to see—to test—Itachi. To see if the meet would perhaps be their last.

Itachi picked it up. "Thank you," he said quietly.

There was no verbal response.

"Will that be all?" Itachi asked. As if he was the one in charge of her medical service.

"... Unless you start paying up. Clandestine medical care for dying shinobi isn't cheap if you want long-term vitality," came the reply.

There was a pensive pause from Itachi. "Money… isn't the issue."

"Glad to hear it."

"That was not what I meant." Itachi slowly moved to sit down in front of her, maybe a meter and a half away. "... What happened?"

A mouth twitched downwards. "What does it matter? Me telling you won't help me."

"And money will?"

"The equipment I'll buy with it, yes."

The two met each other's eyes.

"What happened, Katiya?" Itachi tried again.

Katiya averted her gaze, not bothering to correct Itachi over the name. "The scrolls have all my medical—medication—recommendations… beginning with the civilian, less risky ones, more documented ones, going up to the more dangerous and harder to acquire. Procuring the medications, especially the ones up there… will be up to you."

It's all speculative. Without additional testing, the diagnosis and the treatment… But why should I keep helping you? What have you done to help me?

There was a sigh. Itachi had come for medical attention and Katiya was only willing to do just that, little else, in the moment. The last freebie. "But those are just treatments. The only potential… true… cure I know… is at the expense of medic-nin administering the jutsu… It's only ever been successfully administered once, as far as I know… and it has side effects…"

"… What expense?"

Katiya met Itachi's gaze once more. She didn't have to answer the question.

"Why should I help you?" Katiya asked, finally vocalizing the question that was on her mind the entire time. "What have you done for me—besides kill a family I never cared for? Why should I care for you?"

Why should I care for anyone? Katiya wondered behind her narrowed eyes. The thought was much louder than her analytical one, one which had told her that if Itachi was truly nothing more than a self-serving bastard, that he would have asked about the jutsu's procedure, not its expense. The former thought, much more prevalent.

Itachi blinked slowly, seemingly in thought. "Why did you help me initially?"

I don't know. "… I felt sorry for you, I suppose… Pity," she tried, a hint bitterly. "You came to me, weak. And I suppose it felt good… being the stronger one, for once."

"Is that why you became a medic-nin?"

Katiya scoffed, derisive. "I only got medic-training because my parents—mom—wanted me to be able to survive. To be powerful enough to be able to. So I can avoid dying, as worrisome as that possibility is," she added in an undertone, Itachi unlikely to understand its true significance. "I only became a medic-nin officially because of Orochimaru… Funny how that killer's what's allowing me to help heal you right now, isn't it."

"Your parents cared for you."

Katiya scowled. "Is this relevant right now?"

"... If your parents helped you simply out of a desire to care for you, why does there need to be a reason for you to care for anyone else?"

Answering questions with questions again. You can never get a straight answer out of anyone, can you.

"That kid we talked about tried to kill me. Nearly succeeded. I like to think I cared for him, but it looks like that didn't matter. What 'care' do I need to give to anyone else? Since caring clearly does nothing." Katiya snapped, responding with a question of her own.

There was silence.

"You 'love' your brother, right?" Katiya asked, switching to a more neutral tone and changing the subject, "What the hell have you been doing with him this entire time? Doesn't he want to kill you?"

"He does… I… intended him to."

"Why?"

"... So he'd be hailed as a hero," Itachi replied. "The Uchiha… have been scorned for far too long… I hope for that to change."

"Well, you're dying, so killing you ought to be easy. No idea how that'll change anything or why you need medical help then, but congrats, I guess," came the callous reply.

Itachi eyed Katiya carefully. "… Do you believe people can change?"

Not at the moment, no. Not anymore.

"... Why not?" Itachi asked to Katiya's silence.

Oh, I don't know… the monster of a kid I stayed with for years still being a monster? Me being lonely all the time, still being lonely? Sniveling conniving snake bastards still being sniveling conniving snake bastards?

She inhaled slowly, finally responding. "... Have you ever heard a saying with some equivalent of 'tigers can't change their stripes'?"

"I have."

"… I knew the kid I was staying with was a monster. I pretended it didn't matter… but I don't know why I was so surprised when he tried to kill me…" Katiya's voice grew contemplative. "I can pretend all I want… but that won't change the truth. I've been trying to repaint a tiger's stripes when I should have just avoided it, caged it."

Killed it.

"And how do you know it's the truth?" Itachi asked. "It might be true that a tiger cannot change its stripes, but that doesn't mean it cannot change at all. A tiger's stripes will not affect its ability to become a friend… a family member… or a hunter's skinned trophy."

Katiya nodded slowly. She knew what Itachi was getting at. "But at least it's obvious I'm getting manipulated, with Orochimaru. At least I know. Lord Orochimaru makes no attempt to pretend he's a good person… While for you... for you, it might just be medical service… now… but how do I know you haven't used a genjutsu on me, to use me just for that? How do I know you won't in the future, if it'd suit your purpose?"

And why shouldn't I do the same?

Itachi spared her a slightly reproachful glance. "You've been under my genjutsu before. And you were able to tell that it was a genjutsu… Sharingan wielders have a slight resistance to Sharingan-induced genjutsu while most shinobi with no genjutsu background would have been unable to tell they are under a genjutsu unless explicitly told themselves."

Katiya supposed it was something. But a "slight resistance" could have meant nothing if Itachi was being serious. She vocalized the same sentiment. To which, Itachi responded with only silence, for the statement was quite true.

She moved to leave with a shake of her head. She got what she expected from the meet.