Chonkier chapter this time, enjoy!

AMNE POV

Paladins, she said. Or rather 'Paladins'. They seemed about as faithful to a cause as anyone would be when enough coin was involved. So really, Paladin in this case meant Mercenary. Hunting Karlach simply because they fancied the payday. Not on our watch. Even if it was more on the 'for the good of it' side of things, even Astarion didn't seem to mind much as he loosed arrows into their greasy necks or stabbed them from behind. Perhaps it was the way they sneered at us for allying with our Tiefling friend, but I suspected something a bit deeper. His eyes darkened during the conversation. As the head mercenary scolded Karlach simply for what she was, and condemned her for being under Zariel's shoe – blaming her for having been little better than a slave. As those words fell onto the wooden floorboards we stood on, something changed in the secretive pale elf. Something sharpened. And then he was fully in the fight, like the rest of us. It didn't take long, and soon enough the building was emptied of the shallow bastards. Paladins… I sincerely hoped it was a lie, or else my understanding of the term was wholly out of date. They had no more a righteous moral compass than anyone with a light coin-purse. And they accused Karlach of being a devil? Safe to say, we made short work of their nonsense, and as we stood outside the now emptied building, Karlach let loose.

It was interesting to see someone else be ruled by an impulse. As we killed the 'Paladins' I couldn't deny my rage at their falsehoods had burned into something deeper. That strange want for blood. That almost hunger-like sensation that coiled at the base of my spine. And I'd indulged it a little. Fueled by my outrage on Karlach's behalf, I let loose just enough to help scrub those dark marks off Faerun's surface. But then I had managed to dampen it back down again, feeling control slip back into my hands as easily as it had left. That at least was encouraging. This urge didn't rule me. Not yet.

I perched on the small stone wall outside, sipping from my waterskin as Karlach bellowed within, her flames ravaging the building from the inside out. An outlet was needed, and those bastards – if there were any further afield – no longer having a base wasn't going to do anyone any harm.

Astarion joined me on the wall, his eyes closed as he enjoyed some sunshine. He seemed to really bask in it when he could, despite being so pale. Unless of course, he was pale due to being kept away from it for some reason? Maybe. It was odd to think that we all depended on each other so much, and yet we really knew so little about each other. So far they had mainly accepted that I knew little of myself, but I suppose that was easier to swallow when wanting to hide your own truth.

Eventually though, they would no doubt want answers.

And really, that suited me fine – because I did too.

Astarion sighed and those red eyes landed on me, his smirk falling into place. "She's really going for it, isn't she? Good for her. Bad for the building. But nevermind, we already looted it after all."

"I think it'll do her a lot of good, kind of like breaking a leash." I offered him the water and he took it, a look crossing his face for a moment before he nodded and took a sip. "Hopefully we don't have anyone creeping about trying to hunt her down for a while. Seems like she's had a lot of that. I guess a lot of us have."

"Mm, very true." He handed back the water skin, eyes now honed on the smoking building. "You're bleeding by the way."

"Small scratch on my arm, that's all. How'd you see it?"

He clicked his tongue. "I'm an observant chap."

"Alright. Did you get any scrapes?"

He shrugged. "Nothing beyond an uncouth sort throwing a clumsy punch. I think they'd dropped their weapon and were panicking – but I'm sure my ribs will heal by tomorrow morning."

I wasn't sure he would admit to anything more serious than that, so I let it lie. "If they don't I'm sure Shadowheart would be able to help."

"Mm, indeed." He smirked. "So what's next for our little misfit band?"

"I wanted to try and take a look at this Goblin Camp, the one where the Druid Halsin's supposedly being kept. It's the only real lead we have on a healer powerful enough to deal with the tadpoles."

"Eminently sensible." He looked down for a moment. "Is it going to be a case of get in, grab the Druid and run?"

"Depends what we find, I guess. The Goblins have shown themselves to be pretty aggressive so far, but then again they could simply be defending themselves. I won't know how I feel about them until we're there."

"And if they continue to be aggressive? What, you're going to take it upon yourself to rid this area of the problem? The grove certainly seemed to think we're up to the task of dismantling the Goblin camp, but are we really going to go up against a whole horde? For… Strangers?"

The way he said it, like it was such an impossibility. But I listened carefully. It wasn't so much he disapproved of the act itself, violence was fine with him, that much had been proven tenfold. If Astarion felt threatened he could lash out better than anyone else. No. He objected to the idea of helping others for the sake of it, I think. Then again, perhaps some digging would help clarify for me what his issue was.

"I'm not doing it solely out of some righteous 'goodness' you know…"

"Oh? Then do explain, dearest, as right now it looks like a Hero call-to-arms." He scoffed and rolled his eyes when I looked at him and raised a brow. "Well it does!"

"If I go in there and find myself threatened, or looking at an entire horde of Absolutist nutjobs, hellbent on converting the whole Sword Coast, or killing anyone who resists, then yeah, I'll likely take the time to kill them." He was frowning at me as I spoke, but not interrupting at least. So I continued. "If I was someone living my life in Baldur's Gate, or just further along the river from here, and I knew someone had had the chance to stop the Goblins before they reached my door? I'd wonder why they didn't bother, selfish bastards."

He frowned. "But why is it suddenly our responsibility?"

"It's not."

He blinked.

I continued. "No one is forcing us, same as no one will even know if we do or don't… I'm just saying that personally, I would want someone doing a bit of fighting for me, simply because they could put themselves in my shoes."

He didn't look convinced. In fact, he looked downright disapproving.

I sat up straighter and kept hold of that haughty gaze, and as I did, it softened ever-so-slightly. Having a mask made sense, I wasn't about to judge him for that, but that didn't mean I had to indulge him either.

I shrugged. "You were kind enough to not gut me on sight outside the Nautiloid, I take that as a small example of such a thing."

His nose wrinkled. "I wanted information."

"True. But you could have been a hell of a lot more aggressive about it." I shook my head. "Don't worry you're still a big-scary-rogue who is clearly out for himself, you've not tarnished your reputation. I just mean I appreciate that I was given a chance to live, and now we're working together. Seems like giving that chance, or indeed, taking the slightly more noble approach, may well have its benefits."

His mouth closed, his eyes darted to the side, and I could practically hear his mind churning it over. "I have to suspect that you were a con-artist in the city, Little One. I swear you can talk circles around anything."

I winked. "Oh dear, am I winning you over?"

"Now, now, don't get ahead of yourself…"

The best laid plans…

To cut a long-winded and windy story a bit shorter, we were interrupted on our path by some timely Gnolls bursting into existence, which led to meeting the Zhentarium guys in the cave, which led to the indication of some rather prosperous loot to be involved with at their hideout. But that in turn led to a smoking building at Wakeen's rest, a rather pushy set of soldiers, a woman seeming to think we were up for hire in finding some lost Duke (though I admit, the name did ring a bell…) and then once we got into the hideout, turns out the Zhentarium weren't very keen on their man from the cave having blabbed. So he was killed and we were next on the list.

So there we are, and now?

Time to run.

So here we are, scrambling through the winding stone paths of the Zhentarium hideout, trying to recall which bloody way the exit was, while also dodging their damned mines. Oh, did I mention they had wolves? Big wolves. The kind of wolf that made anyone a bit antsy, let alone Shadowheart who all but entirely froze up on sight of them. Shitting hells. What a couple of days.

But as we barrelled onwards, Astarion suddenly skidded to a halt, grabbed my collar and barked at the others to follow. He was heading to a wall as far as I could see. I wriggled, but he had a good hold of me, dragging me more than anything. Straight at that wall. What was he thinki–

Oh.

Illusion.

Astarion immediately let go of me and leaned on his knees, panting. The yelling outside the illusion carried past. We had bought a few minutes maybe.

He straightened up, smoothed his hair and nodded to the contraption in front of us. "I doubt it'll take that band of heathens long to figure out where we've hidden, so let's keep moving."

Shadowheart stared at the wall. "Those wolves could–"

I took her hand and encouraged her towards the platform while Astarion worked on unlocking the mechanism. Her big eyes sought mine for something – comradery, understanding, sympathy? I'm not sure, but she seemed calmed when she spotted it thankfully.

My hand squeezed hers. "We've got you."

She looked down and held my hand a little tighter.

Gale looked over the wooden platform and raised a brow. "Any thoughts on where this is going to lead, Astarion?"

"Oh yes, of course, I know all, Gale." He continued working as the noise beyond the illusion continued to climb. "Of course I bloody don't, but it's better than what's out there."

"And you assume that, why?"

"Because right now I don't actually know for certain whatever's down there is gathering all the pointy things it can in order to stick in our bellies. It might be a tad angry once we get wherever it leads, but hey, we'll at least have options at that point." He stood and brushed his hands off as a decisive 'clunk' sounded, and he turned to us with a smirk. "But if you'd rather take a chance with the dozens of smoke-powder barrels out there, wolves and angry Zhentarim, go ahead old boy."

The wizard stepped onto the platform, as everyone else had already done.

Astarion hit the mechanism and stepped on lightly, settling next to me where he nudged me and gave a wink. "See? I did that for the simple good of the group, you're influencing me after all."

"A charitable man after all." I grinned, and as we descended into the darkness I saw how his eyes lingered on me. What was he looking for? Did he find it like Shadowheart did? And why did I hope that he did?

As we went deeper and deeper, the lights faded above us, giving way to the eerie glow beneath. The air chilled. My skin itched with the newfound damp, and my heart clambered up my throat. Oh. This wasn't just going underground, was it? No. We were entering the Underdark. Its name was known to me – again, annoying that I know that but so little of myself…– as well as its dangers. Unknown beasts. The kinds that lived in the pages of bedtime stories, to keep naughty children in line, to stop them scampering around after the sun had set, when they were meant to be safely tucked into their beds.

Astarion was still panting a bit, and when I glanced at him without actually turning I caught sight of pain on his features. I turned and he masked up pretty quickly, but the panting remained, even if diminished via sheer will. I frowned and went over to him. He leaned back of course, but I ignored his protests, scanning him for the wound that was clearly bothering him. A slash. Hard to spot on the darkened cloth of his tunic, but along his side, curving towards his back.

He waved a dismissive hand. "I'll be fi–"

"You falling down due to bloodloss is not fine." I shoved away his shielding hands and looked closer, but the wound itself was hard to spot under his clothing. "Shadowheart you should–"

"A potion will suffice." He grumbled. "No need to go poking around at me, really."

"You're sure? It could be infected, it could need–"

"With you being so creepily attentive, I'm sure I'll be fine." He scoffed, almost sounding grateful as he accepted a potion from Gale and gulped the contents. "I'll fix my clothes later on. Now stop fussing, for goodness sake."

"Well don't wait till someone spots it next time. You could've–"

"All is well, dearest." He turned on the aloof and waved me off.

Damn idiot…

We must have been going downwards for ten minutes or more, slowly descending, hearing nothing of pursuit above and counting our lucky stars. It only occurred to me as I looked back up the tunnel that if we were discovered, the line could simply be cut.

Gale cleared his throat. "If they do, I can cast Featherfall upon us."

How had he… Oh, we were all staring at the rope at the same time. Gotcha.

And we reached the bottom.

No one seemed keen to do so first, so I took a deep breath and stepped off the platform into the gloom of the Underdark. It was still an area that the Zhetrium had clearly used, their stuff was all over the place – and we would loot accordingly – but even with such familiar sights, I stayed low and checked the area out. Nothing stirred. Nothing seemed to be anywhere near. Which I suppose made sense, there was no telling how they had acted in order to 'tame' this area for themselves.

I looked back and waved the others forward. "Seems clear. Let's get what we can from these boxes and find somewhere to camp while we figure out what the hells to do next."

Astarion put his hands on his hips. "Oh, I suppose the resident skeleton key is expected to step up and–"

"Yes, work your magic." I gave a thumbs up as that little smirk of his fell into place. He was valued and he enjoyed that. Bit by bit I think I was starting to be able to read him. Maybe. Or he was getting better at fooling me…

We made camp and Karlach went with Shadowheart to do an initial patrol of the surrounding area. So far nothing had been more than we could handle, but it was clear that every single one of us had been unnerved by the sudden intrusion of that voice in our heads, speaking of something coming. It seemed to be coming from the spores we walked into – and Gale seemed to think there might be a people down here that were a species made of fungal origin. Something new to learn. Or indeed, something new to fight.

I sat by the fire until it was my turn to go on patrol, but as Gale looked unenthusiastic Astarion rolled his eyes and stood instead. The Wizard could continue to study. Astarion gave a bow and flourished his hand in the direction of our patrol, and while I felt safe enough with him alongside fully armed and no doubt ready to cut down anything that threatened us, that uneasiness settled over me still. Like something went unsaid between us. Something in those looks I caught him giving me. And I couldn't help but fall back on the assumption that he simply didn't trust me, that he didn't believe my lack of memory. And the worst part… I couldn't blame him. Not one bit. If I had only just met someone, under very tenuous circumstances and they avoided giving any background information due to 'amnesia' I'd be calling bullshit in a heartbeat. But I had no idea how to convince him that I was speaking the truth…

"Quite a sight, isn't it?" He murmured suddenly, the darkness all around us, the path only lit by the moonlight and watching stars.

Oh wait… No, it would just be glowing fungus of some sort wouldn't it? There was no moonlight either. Just large orbs of pale blue hanging down in those strange root growths far above. Fuck this place was weird. And as I looked to Astarion, I realised that was exactly where he was looking; the 'stars'. His expression was thoughtful, but peaceful. I followed his gaze and marvelled. He wasn't wrong. Even if it wasn't truly the sky, it was beautiful. It was so easy to get wrapped up in our own little problems, on this little rock of a world, and forget how much else there was going on.

I nodded. "Not really the stars, but damn close."

"Mm, one likes to pretend. Better than letting my mind linger on being so far underground." He shivered and wrinkled his nose. "So yes, the stars, dear. Right there. All twinkly and up in the sky."

"Alright." I grinned. "Stunning. Reminds you how small you are, right?"

"One way to look at it." He shrugged, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Or a good reminder of how lucky you are to see them. Not everyone can."

"What do you mean?" I slowed, his tone having become rather sombre.

He held his hands up, palm forward as he shook his head. "Nothing! I only mean in places like Baldur's Gate it's so much harder to see them clearly. All the lights of the city make it tricky I suppose."

"Guess so." I wasn't convinced – it was like he suddenly realised he'd become sincere and pulled the reins back in a panic. "What did you do back in the city?"

He raised his brow. "Now then, asking personal details when you have none to share yourself? Hardly fair."

"Good point." My mouth closed.

We walked a little further with nothing of note in our way. Seemed like a good place to camp really, we'd done well to pick it – though I think it had actually been Karalch this time to scope the spot.

Astarion sighed. "I apologise, that was uncalled for."

"Oh?" I paused, tilting my head at him.

He snorted. "Oh come off it, it's not that mind-boggling that I apologise, is it?"

I shrugged. "Well…"

"You're a character assassin, that's what you are." He nudged me and shook his head. "What I was going to say before you oh-so-callously suggested I'm incapable of remorse, was that I was unfair about your memory. You're still allowed to be curious after all, goodness knows people should be."

"Curious about you or the world?"

He winked. "Oh both, darling."

"Mm, figured. Well… Alright, I appreciate that. So you gonna give me an answer as well as the apology?"

"Oh and she's greedy tonight too? Wonderful." And he meant that, didn't he? He was genuinely glad to see me being greedy for the information. This man made no sense to me, I swear. He paused at a turn in the road, the wilds around us totally quiet except the odd sign of movement among the strange glowing foliage – comforting really, it's when they go quiet you need to be on alert. He hung his head back and drew a long breath. "It's not all that interesting I'm afraid. I was a magistrate back in the city."

"You… Heh," I bit my lip but the giggles rose up all the same. He pouted a little, eyes narrowing at me. I put my hand to my chest, the other out to him in pleading as I calmed my tittering. "Sorry! It's just… I dunno, it sounds quite mundane for someone like you."

"Like me?" His eyes remained narrowed.

"I just didn't expect you to be a working man, I guess. You seem more like you'd be lavishly enjoying the parties of the city, living it up along the riverside at some exquisite cafe or draped over some plush couch as you listen to the opera."

For a moment he just stared at me, and I wasn't entirely sure if it was because I had insulted him or not. My words hung there in the dim quiet for a minute or so.

"You see me as a noble?"

"In a good way." I quickly added, aware of the blush creeping up the back of my neck. "Not in a higher-than-thou way, in a, I dunno, you're just so refined and kinda regal, y'know?"

"I do not…"

"Well you are, and… I dunno you're just in love with life. Mostly."

His brow quirked. "Well, well, come now, you can't give me personal details for obvious reasons but you can most certainly explain that analogy of me. What's the 'mostly' added on for?"

I knew the answer. It was right there on the tip of my tongue, but the words stalled. He would think of me either as an idiot, or a prying bastard. As much as it seemed like Astarion enjoyed attention, it seemed pretty clear to me that it only applied when he was asking for that attention, when he had specifically invited it. So me having picked something up outside of that… I doubted it would be a welcomed thing.

He looked me over, expression softening that tiny amount. "I'm not going to bite your head off or anything. I'm curious about your observations."

"Why?" I half-laughed, half breathed as the breath I'd been holding rushed out of me. "Why give a damn about the opinion of a amnesia–"

"I didn't say I gave a damn about your opinion, I said I'm curious about your observation. Your opinion is perhaps attached to that, but not inherently needed for the details gleaned." He put a hand on his hip and gestured to me. "I can have a dozen observations about you, but only half might be based on opinion for instance. And you can choose whether or not to entertain those notions. And I'd invite you to probably ignore them all."

"Right." I looked down for a moment and clasped my hands, wringing them for a second before coming back up and meeting those red eyes head on. "I said mostly because of… Well because of those moments when it's quiet. When no one is talking, joking or anything like that. When you're… Well, when you seem to be alone with your thoughts and they don't look like they're very positive ones."

"My dear, are you accusing me of brooding?" He chuckled and flicked his hair back from where it had fallen in front of his eyes.

Except I wasn't joking.

And he knew that.

His lips pressed into a thin line and he cleared his throat. "Yes, well, it can't all be sunshine and rainbows can it? One has to have some mystery about them, keep things aloof, keep the folks wanting more."

"Of course." I nodded, letting it lie as the walls had clearly slammed back up into place. But he had been truthful, he hadn't bitten my head off about the observations, as much as he clearly didn't like them. I started walking along the path again, him following after a moment or two of hesitation. I kicked a stone along in front of me for a few more paces while he came alongside. "As soon as I recall anything from my murky past, I'll be sure to even the score."

"Oh, I'll hold you to that."

"Please do." I smiled, noting how he once again looked puzzled by my words. But I wanted someone to want to know, if that made sense, I wanted there to be someone on this world, on this plane or some other I guess, that wanted to know me. At least, assuming there was anything worth knowing…

Cheers for reading, cya!