Author's Note
Gaara's turn to try using a "Talk no Jutsu". I'm not sure how well I wrote it, so… Skip around at your own discretion, as always.
Read no further than you are comfortable.
Chapter 54
Katiya (- .. -- .)
She had stolen the flak vest of one of her jailers, the thumb she had partially rehealed wrapped in one of their shirts, the other chakra cuff she hadn't managed to get off her right arm still dampening half of her chakra. Her eyes watered from the pain.
But that was alright. It was all alright so long as she made it back to her lord. Something greater than herself, her lord was her calling and she couldn't think of any greater purpose than to serve him. She couldn't think of any other place she could belong. Mentally apologizing to him as she slashed her way out to the border of Suna, telling him repetitiously in her mind like a mantra that she was coming home. To live for something greater than herself, she couldn't think of any greater purpose. That purpose, the most precious thing she had after everything else had gone. He, like his quest for knowledge, would be immortal. She would immortalize him.
But she had to get out of Suna first.
Gaara (approximate time: 4:45 PM)
Tokubetsu headquarters were in a panic. A sense of injury and death hit Shukaku before the scent of blood hit Gaara. His eyes went wide, taking in the rush of medics and people being carted out in stretchers.
"What's going on." While Gaara's ask was phrased as a question, Shukaku's churning and the severity of his own voice didn't make it sound as such.
No one verbally replied, some sending him glares and others pretending they didn't hear, busy administering caring for the injured. A medical assistant avoiding eye contact headed outwards to the door with a tray of supplies, head ducked. Gaara stepped in front of the person to intercept, his eyes intense but his body kept otherwise immobile, not immediately hostile. Gaara was blocking the door, but he otherwise didn't move or talk. The assistant had heard the question.
The medical assistant startled, not knowing what to do. "J—jailbreak," the assistant finally stuttered out.
Gaara's throat dried. There was almost a collective flinch from the rest of the room's inhabitants. Some people, mentally cursing, others scowling. Some, like the medical assistant with the tray, suddenly feeling the need to leave. Sensing that, Gaara moved one step aside. The assistant responded by wordlessly scampering out.
Gaara inhaled slowly, trying to think how to—
"—It was that damned Oto-nin—!" someone injured on the floor called out.
—think.
And there it was again—like a collective flinch, this one more obvious though. Someone smacked the injured shinobi to be silent, delivering a wide-eyed look of horror.
I toLD yOu, ToLD YOu, T—
"Where." Gaara asked the question aloud—his voice though—his voice still too severe to hold the typical tone of a question. If someone flinched again after mistaking Gaara's tone for one laced with killing intent, Gaara did not notice.
"The hell if we know—!" someone called out, "But 's not going t' matter in a few minutes—that yariman got the ANBU on her! She's dead now! You hear me, you Jinchuriki filth?! Dead!"
D—Gaara sucked in a breath. He CaLLeD yOu A "JinChuRiKi F—"
"D—mmpht—!" the shinobi that yelled—choked as someone shut the person up—forcefully shushed.
I saY we ShoW hiM hoW mucH of A "JinChuRiKi FiLth" wE CaN—Gaara sucked in another breath, clamping his eyes shut. He swallowed back the bile-like sensation in his throat. There was motion behind himself, but Gaara didn't turn to acknowledge it until it spoke.
"—She's en route to the northern border, twelve squads of ANBU at her tail. They're trying to cut her off at the wall—" Kankuro gasped out, after rushedly pushing open the door behind Gaara.
Gaara's eyes flared open. The two siblings met eyes.
"Go." Gaara, just stopping himself from doubling over because of Shukaku's clawing in his sealed chamber, trusting his brother to guide him to the right place.
Kankuro (approximate time: 5:00 PM)
Gaara was quiet en route to the direction Kankuro knew Katsu—Katiya—the girl Gaara rescued—was friends with?—was headed. Kankuro looked to his brother, who he knew was in deep concentration, likely wrestling with Shukaku while worried to an extreme. Kankuro wanted to ask—if he—Gaara—was alright. But he refrained… Kankuro already knowing the answer.
"I think I see her up ahead," Kankuro told Gaara as soon as a mass of ANBU came into sight view.
Katiya (to d-do da _.. . . _..)
She inhaled deeply. Her—the medic from Oto—so far from her home. She had made it to Suna's border wall. Not having been there for a while—she didn't know. She didn't know where—where the exit was—but she saw—there was no exit where she was. The wall—plain, smooth, sheer, made by shinobi machination. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
"—Stop right there!" someone called out. Suna ANBU garb, it seemed so familiar.
She should have known—there wasn't going to be an exit.
She flicked her eyes back to the wall from the multiplying masses of masked ANBU, their eyes invisible to her. She could use the Vertical Climbing Jutsu—but while fighting? With a wall so high? The wall she ran to, there was no exit. She should have known—there wasn't going to be an exit. There never would be one—not for her—not like that, now would there be—?
She exhaled, inhaling again. She looked to her damaged hand. Climbing the wall—that high—with the chakra cuff she couldn't take off—she'd likely fall and die. Twelve teams of them, one of her. One slip up there, wouldn't she just fall twelve under? She huffed out a breath—torn between a scoff and a breath of a laugh. Twelve under. It had been a while since she went swimming, hadn't it.
If she were captured, they would interrogate her. As they had wanted. But she... just more pain… everything else had gone… and he… She exhaled, looking up at the wall again. A height like that, like the treetops she had seen in Otogakure. The sounds of the leaves, rolling like the waves; after the splash into the unknown, maybe it would be just like swimming. One slip up there, she'd fall twelve meters under. But diving… Cleaner, no tumult of a fall. Smaller splashes. Diving, calmer. Finally, something that'd feel clean.
Slowly, she inhaled through her nose. He'd be the same like any other, Orochimaru, she knew. She bought her undamaged hand into her hip pouch, pulling out a kunai, equally slowly. Ex… hale. But still, she could not betray her lord, now could she?
"Whatever you think you're gonna try to do, it won't work! Give it up!" an ANBU called.
"You can't take on all of us!" another ANBU agent yelled, pulling out a sword. She shifted slightly, and then the ANBU around her readied themselves with long range weapons to attack her in their own defense.
She breathed in. One small blade, a blade the size of her palm, all she took out. It would hardly be enough to harm all of them. Or any of them. Them, armored but still afraid. Ex-hale—twelve teams of them. Four groups of three, four groups of four and four more of the same. They would kill her, in defense of themselves. In… hale… Orochimaru would likely kill her because she had left him. It had happened before, with… Gaara. She knew. And Orochimaru was never one to really care about anyone, anyways. There was no exit because in the end, it'd just be the same, she decided.
Her lip curled slightly upwards as she exhaled. She knew, and had been knowing. Something had been missing. She couldn't name it and she had hated it. And so she had hated it because she couldn't name it, but that didn't change the sensation. That she would never be able to get it. She knew, and had been knowing, it was just now everything was falling in place. Suna, a fine resting place, for she who thought running would help her escape a life that made living hell. It was her own fault, she knew. But there was no time like the present to fix past mistakes. She exhaled. Kabuto might even applaud her decisiveness now, an answer to a conversation so long ago.
"You can't take on all of us!" an ANBU agent had yelled.
You're right, mentally she replied to the last ANBU who spoke. She couldn't take on everyone. She inhaled. That was alright.
Her mouth curling into a smile, her eyes preemptively closing. It was alright. She lifted her kunai up and rested it just behind her ear, in a forward grip most shinobi should have recognized as easier to disarm than its reverse counterpart. In some religions, it'd be a ticket to hell, to have decided what her mind had decided. But what notable change was it to have a ticket to apparent hell for one already experiencing it?
… There was just no other exit she could think of. She exhaled.
Author's Note
Suicide Prevention Hotline (US): dial 988
Text Crisis Line (US): text 741741
Kankuro (approximate time: 5:05 PM)
"Wait, is she—?"
"—What a stupid strategy," we could hear one of the other ANBU remark to his colleague. "What, you think we're not going to attack just because we want you alive for information?!" the ANBU agent yelled to her at a louder volume as Kankuro ran into hearing range. "We're not letting out of Suna, dead or alive!"
"Gaara—?" Kankuro hesitated, looking to his brother. He couldn't make out the expression his brother's friend had on her face—but he saw the shine of a blade on her—
—Gaara responded by rushing forwards, tapping into his spiritual chakra, dissolving himself into a plume of sand to pass the gathered crowd of ANBU. Behind them, ANBU mistook Gaara's blur of action as a cue to attack—and fired their weapons.
When Gaara's automatic sand barrier flared, weapons—shuriken, kunai, and ANBU themselves were thrown wide. Kankuro Body Flickered around the rebounding weapons, sliding on his knees over Gaara's sand, skidding to a stop beside him. The force of Gaara diving to reach Katiya had pushed her onto her back, Gaara on top of her. Gaara wrapped the knife in his sand to protect her—and Kankuro threw himself on top of the arm, to get the knife—away.
"Ah—? What's—Lord Kankuro—!" one of the ANBU exclaimed, recovering and noticing him beside Gaara on the ground now.
"Stay back!" Kankuro yelled out.
Gaara's sand shifted to allow Kankuro to attempt disarming her. But Kankuro felt her struggling against them, trying to pull the knife back to herself.
"—Sir!?" an ANBU asked their commanding officer. "We can't fire on the escapee with Lord Kankuro right there—the Council'll have our asses! What d'you want us to do?"
"JUST STAY BACK! THAT'S AN ORDER!" Kankuro yelled back, still hunched over on the floor, holding down Katiya's arm, still trying to disarm her, mentally cursing to himself. He didn't know how much military might he or any of his siblings had to command the ANBU without being coronated as Kazekage—still as legal genin, no less—but worth a shot.
Another ANBU member. "Lord Kankuro—! You need to get away—that escapee's dangerous—a wanted criminal! Just let go of the escapee—we can handle this, Lord Kankuro!"
If Kankuro were to do that, they'd fire on both Gaara and the girl he was trying to protect. Kankuro mentally winced. He knew neither Gaara nor his friend were worth much in the Council's eyes. Kankuro turned his head. Gaara was deep in concentration—Gaara wasn't going to leave his friend—and Kankuro knew what ANBU firing on Gaara could do.
He wasn't going to leave Gaara.
Gaara (approximate time: 5:05 PM)
He had been too far—but his sand came to his aid—he used it to propel himself—and then wrapped his sand around the blade of her kunai to stop it from—bLoOD—BLoOd—iT'S—harming—there was a thin line. Red—bLO—
"—Get off of me—" Katiya gasped.
A flash of a memory hit Gaara—"BloOd—bLOoD—it'S mY bl"—the Chunin Exams when he was in an in-between state between himself and Shukaku controlling his body—yowling. An Uchiha injuring him.
An… Uchiha… "—Get off'f me—get off… This is the only way… We're all going to die anyway… Just let me go! It's better—it's better for the both of us—just let me go—!"
Gaara closed his eyes, exhaling. Kankuro and some others behind him were yelling, but Gaara wasn't paying attention to that—too focused. His sand had seen so much blood before—but protects… "protects… because of love". Laying his sand over Katiya's neck like a bandage… The skin like a barrier—a sand barrier—Gaara focused. He wasn't a medic—he wasn't trained—but covering the wound with his sand—his sand was able to staunch the bleeding he sensed.
"We're all going to die anyways—everyone wants everyone else dead in the end—you know that—" Katiya choked out, her voice building back after the surprise of Gaara jumping on her "—It's better for the both of us this way—you heard them—just let me go—!"
Katiya jolted and tried to jerk away. Gaara's automatic sand barrier flared. "No—! Katiya—if I let you go, where would you go?!"
"Away—away from you—"
Away, away, away… (Away to the hell I deserve), Gaara sensed from her chakra. Shukaku yowled something in that moment, but a memory blowing past in Gaara's mind was louder—a memory of Rock Lee. After they had become friends. Lee, defending him.
"I'm just a criminal, in the end I belong—with—Lord Orochimaru! I lived because of him! If I die, it should be because of him! For him—!" she screamed out. "My lord!"
"No—! I don't want you to—friends don't want to see their friends die—!" Gaara yelled. I don't want to see you die, Gaara thought.
"It's only a matter of time—kill or be killed—! You don't know how—how many have died because of me! Your ANBU wants me dead! Your Council wants me tortured! Everyone wants me gone so the smart thing for me to do is GO!" she laughed. "You're just in denial right now—! All people do is hurt each other! And hate each other because of the hurt—!"
"The Suna Council and the villagers hate me too—! But we are friends, Katiya! Friends do not hate friends, and because we are friends, I will protect you!" Gaara told her. "All their harm—it's just because we aren't friends with them yet!"
Both Shukaku—and Katiya—let out rough barks of disbelief at that. "NAIVE! You're just naive! Just look at people like Yashamaru!" she countered. YasHaMARu! Shukaku reminded him, the onslaught of that night flashing in the memory of Gaara's mind. "Friends are just FAKE!" she screamed.
Gaara remembered. Yasha—Gaara shut his eyes.
"Everyone is just the same, fake! Only 'friends' when they want something! Weaponry, entertainment, 'companionship'," she spat. "What is death if not it's only escape?!" Katiya asked again, her voice rough from… "I deserve this—and you know it! I never truly cared for you—I never truly cared for anyone—! So just let me go—!"
Gaara sucked in a breath. "Deep in my heart, I hATeD YoU…" Yashamaru said to him, once. "LovE onLY YouRseLF. FigHT ONLY foR YouRSELf," Yashamaru had told him. 'Lies and their false humanity,' Gaara had thought before. And then, then—Shukaku—he had—
"Some people are just FATED to die ALONE—! So just let me go—you—JINCHURIKI FILTH!"
"NO!" Gaara exclaimed, the sand swirling around him. 'A dEmOn. A dEMoN ThAt oNLy LoVEs HiMSeLF!' Beside Gaara, Kankuro ducked and covered his eyes. ShE CALLED yoU 'JinChuRiKi FiLTH'! Gaara sucked in a breath—he noticed this time. BoRN oUT of HaTrEd. YoU'Re A CurSE on THis ViLLagE, GaaRA. iT's YouR DEsTinY To be HatED sO—He noticed this time—his brother by his side, his surroundings.The sand was swirling around him menacingly, but Gaara—
—No, Gaara thought to Shukaku, Destiny can be changed—!
"—Destiny can be changed!" Gaara yelled, hugging Katiya—hugging the bars of Shukaku's cage—in the cavern Gaara could only see in his mind. His sand lifted Katiya off the ground, wrapping her in a hug. He bowed his head into her shoulder—onto Shukaku's prison bars while the latter stirred into a frenzy in his sand-made body. "It just takes a friend to show you!"
"—They saved me from myself—rescued me—friends—" Naruto had said. Because they knew… what it was like. To have gone through it themselves.
"Friends do not hate friends, and because we are friends, I will protect you!" Gaara told Katiya again. He knew the look in her eye, those unseeing eyes fixed ahead. "If it means saving you from yourself, then I will. If it means opposing the Suna Council, then I will! If it means staying with you in Suna to protect you from death, then I will!"
Katiya shook her head. The sand Gaara kept on her wounds swirled, maintaining the bandages that they formed.
"Well—too bad we were never friends—! I never cared for you!" Katiya countered, "I never truly cared for you or I never would have left you—! Four years—and after all this time, I've changed—! You don't know me anymore! I'm nothing more than a ghost of memory for you!"
A ghost of one lone bird…
"No," Gaara replied fiercely. "You cared enough to count how long we've been apart—and that tells me enough—that you cared. Someone who didn't wouldn't have tried to approach me—" Gaara continued "—or stay with me for so long. They wouldn't have tried to feed me and comfort me when I was down—! Friends—are the people—who mutually care for each other!" Gaara told Katiya. "You are my friend!"
"FriENDs ARe JusT FAKE!" Shukaku screamed back to him. JuST LoOkiT YouR PreCiouS YasHAMarU—sOme "fRiEND", sOME "FAMILY" hE WAS—!
"When… Uncle Yashamaru… did what he did, he wasn't a real friend," Gaara said, his voice cracking, talking to Katiya… Shukaku… and he, himself. Remembering. His sand, Gaara's. It reacted—to a person's own beliefs in what was "harm", the intent to harm. And to that person's own fears and hate. Yashamaru had long since known… what he would do would harm Gaara. "Friends don't like seeing their friends hurt and when a friend does… hurt someone they care about, they try to help heal it… and make sure it never happens again," Gaara told her, "It takes… time… and love, but you can't give… or receive that once you're dead."
"But I'm just a ghost of a memory for you, Gaara. Already dead to you…"
A flash of a memory hit Gaara—No, no, no, he thought as the memory replayed in his mind. Hollow bones shattered; crumpled feathers floating away. Simply a ghost of a lone bird. He had thought before, Katiya… already dead to him… He couldn't deny he thought it once before.
"I'm not the same person you once knew," Katiya continued, her voice distant over the memory in Gaara's mind. "I'm already gone..."
"NoThinG moRe tO me thAn a StranGer," Katiya had said once, about him. "NoThiNg MoRe ThAN StrANGeRs ReLaTeD by BLoOd," he has said once, about his siblings.
"It's been years and I can't go back," she whispered, "What is it about me you just won't let go? What do I even matter to you, to be worth… healing?"
(You can't heal the dead), he felt her chakra projected.
"No—no—" he replied. "You're right here next to me…" he tried, clutching her back. He hadn't killed her, though he—previously—wished her dead… she wasn't dead and he didn't wish… he didn't wish it any more—and he still had time. "You're right here. It's been years—but that doesn't make what happened have any less meaning… You're right here." He still had time. "I know. You can't—can't go back—so that's why we have to learn to move forwards..." He still had time to make amends. What was a stranger if not a friend given different circumstances?
"I can't, Gaara, I can't…"
"You have to try first," Gaara said, his heart hammering. "You can't judge… until you try." Shukaku was yelling unintelligibly, but Gaara realized… she had used his name. She hadn't been—but he realized—she was still there—She's still there, he thought to himself.
"But what if I can't… ? And this is just the only way to make sure it never happens again… ?"
"As long as you're willing to try, it can," he repeated. "And as long as you're willing to try, it won't, but you have to try first… You can't judge until you try. And try… every path in life before…"
He paused, remembering. Her. Then Yashamaru… his end… and then the first time they—he—Gaara—and Katiya—saw each other after a long, long time. In Suna, before the invasion of Konoha.
"… Before letting yourself go," he quietly said. "Because death is an unknown and once you let go like that… I… we… don't… know where you'd go… and for all we know… you can't go anywhere else… once you've gone and died," he broke off into a whisper.
'How would you know? If a person wasn't virtuous?' he had wondered before.
"I… hurt you," Gaara continued, "Before I knew the meaning of the word 'friend'… But I've learned. When a friend hurts someone they care about, they try to heal it and make sure it never happens again. I was a bad friend," he told her. "But I'm trying… And I've learned if you were a bad friend, then you have to try help heal the damage," Gaara told her.
And that's how you know, Gaara decided. They would try. Gaara swallowed thickly. "A wound of the heart… there are times... when they never heal…" He remembered. Yashamaru. He could only save the people willing to be saved. He could only love the people willing to be loved—but he remembered. Katiya sucked in a breath, her eyes blank. He knew she remembered too. Yashamaru.
"There's one thing that can always heal a wound of the heart," Gaara told Katiya—remembering Yashamaru. "Love," he said. "After you get it, you just have to stay alive long enough to let it heal you. It's what healed me. And it's why I want you to stay, Katiya. Stay," he told Katiya. "Stay… so the damage can heal."
So I can heal the…
"Please," he begged.
So I can help heal the damage I… caused.
"Please? … You're the first friend I've had," he begged of her. All those years ago. Let me be the same for you.
He remembered a memory. From the last… most recent… full moon. There had been a field of night blooming cereus where he was before. But it was gone… barren. Just a few sparing twigs. But then he remembered… the barren twigs… appeared barren for almost every day of the year… and that there would always be those who were able to recognize the twigs for what they were. Despite the apparent barrenness. Those who called those twigs "friend". Called those twigs "home".
Katiya was silent. But Gaara hugged her tighter. Please? he silently begged.
Temari (approximate time: 5:45 PM)
Kankuro pulled himself to a stand when Temari arrived while Gaara stayed with his friend, knelt, hugging on the floor. Kankuro gave her a brief look before gently guiding Gaara away from the ANBU as the friend was checked for weapons and re-cuffed. She pushed past the crowd of confused ANBU. It was probably one of the weirdest prisoner recaptures she and the rest of the ANBU crowd witnessed. And Temari only saw the butt end of it.
She didn't get it… what had happened.
Katiya (ap… t… s…)
"Friends don't want to see their friends die," Gaara had told her.
But what about what I want? she silently wondered. She could see in his actions, words, Gaara's… that he wanted to stay with her. Heal... her. But she didn't want to be a burden to him. Nothing worth healing, just some corpse he'd have to lug around. A ghost of a memory. She could try but she didn't know the point of trying to heal an item already dead.
She knew she belonged to her lord. Among his specimens. Too far gone, already gone. A criminal above all else. Not fitting anywhere else. Like Jugo, she remembered. A freak show who willingly joined Lord Orochimaru as a lab rat, a prisoner, in order to spare humanity from himself.
She hung her head as a medic took care of her damages and as she was escorted away. Gaara following with his eyes out of her periphery. Gaara was willing to oppose the Suna Council for her. But she didn't forget… they wanted Gaara dead too. She wasn't willing to force him to trade his life for hers.
Not when her life was… just some corpse he'd have to lug around.
Kankuro (approximate time: 6:00 PM)
Gaara wouldn't let Katiya out of his sight even after he was guided some distance away to let the medics and ANBU do their business. Gaara's eyes still fixed on his friend, his eyes wide, Gaara whispered to Kankuro. "This was my fault—I—I can't just let Shukaku make decisions for me. I know that's what caused all of this… You're right, I can't rely on Shukaku's power. I know now…"
Gaara wrapped his arms around himself, shifting as if cold, unblinking.
"Ayy… Gaara, come 'ere," Kankuro replied sedately. Gaara mutely let Kankuro wrap him in a hug. "You said it yourself," Kankuro said, "'When a friend hurts someone they care about, they try to fix it.' You just gotta give yourself some time. Blaming yourself's not going to help anything. Doesn't matter whose fault it is right now, still gotta figure out how to fix it. You can't do that if you're busy blaming yourself."
"I won't rely on Shukaku's power anymore," Gaara promised his brother. Kankuro felt his brother exhale shakily.
"I know," Kankuro told Gaara, hugging Gaara more tightly, "I know."
Temari (approximate time: 6:00 PM)
Just watching her siblings hug from a distance, Temari hung back, uncertain of what to do. She could have given advice like that… She…
Temari hugged herself as she walked away. She had been brushed off, the last time she had wanted to help.
Gaara (approximate time: 6:10 PM)
An item so cold it felt warm to those who touched it, a pain so deep it felt joyous to those who carved it. But after so long of being able to experience warmth only from the cold, one forgets. That there were other, more effective sources of warmth. And that even though the cold was there, no one else was any more deserving of it than anyone else.
It was a different ward she was put into this time. More well-lit. With plexiglass paneling rather than the iron bars of the last ward—solid doors this time—to make more of a hindrance to escape. Dual doors again, though, as it usually was for shinobi cell enclosures. Food slots though the metal door on the plexiglass paneling—holes in the panels by the ceiling and floor for air.
Gaara and Kankuro followed her as she was moved into the area, her first visitors. The guards… didn't say anything to him as he watched her take in the cell, the partitioned toilet and sink in the corner. And then curl up into a ball on the cot, her back to him, avoiding his eyes.
'How would you know? If a person wasn't virtuous?' he had wondered before. 'What would you do? If everyone around you was not?' And the person you held precious wasn't?
She had left him when she could not stay, Katiya. Out of necessity, for what was required for life—not by want or whim. And he decided the virtuous would at least try. Try… to love. Gaara sat himself on the floor, cross-legged, before hugging himself. He could only save the people willing to be saved. But he had to try first, to see if they were willing. It was what he decided he would do, if he decided the people around him weren't… virtuous. He knew Katiya. He knew her as virtuous… She just needed a reminder.
Kankuro (approximate time: 6:40 PM)
Only when Kankuro finally left the tokubetsu wards, did he become aware he was holding a kunai in his hand. Sometime between him and Gaara tackling Katiya, and Gaara following her back to a holding cell, Kankuro had disarmed her.
He held the blade up to examine. A normal old… Kankuro remembered Gaara wrapping the blade in his sand before Kankuro tackled the arm that held it. Kankuro turned the blade over in his hand. Shinobi rarely let their blades fall into such poor condition… and he doubted… no, such an eroded blade would not have been able to cut—it was as if the blade had been eaten away by acid. Except without the tell-tale discoloration of a chemical reaction or salt deposit. Kankuro hovered his finger over the blade. The metal had gotten feathered—grainy. Like magnetic sand. Magnetic…
Kankuro's eyes widened. Magnet Release, he realized. Father's kekkei genkai. Kankuro wrapped the kunai up in one of his puppet's spare bandage wraps. The name was somewhat misleading, as it referred to a chakra release capable of controlling metals like their father's gold dust. Free-flowing electrons like particles in the air—though science at the time might have been a bit more rudimentary when it came to understanding shinobi Nature Releases.
He tucked the blade away for safekeeping. It would be the first time he knew of—for Gaara—Gaara the first of them—to have accessed their father's kekkei genkai.
Author's Note
So. I would like to point out… again, that licensed mental health care for the shinobi—as I am writing it—is not a thing. Whereas in our own society, it generally is. Friends, though… are not always or usually… licensed for mental health care. Licensed mental health care, capable of providing better care than the unlicensed—that license requiring training and experience to acquire and indicating that a person has the training and specified time to help address mental health concerns.
That being said, there is no license needed to be a friend. And that there is nothing wrong with caring for a friend so long as the care, and the friendship, is genuine and mutual. But know that one can only be as good a friend to others as one is to oneself. Every person has their limits and without the training or experience of a licensed professional, the aid a friend can give is only that of a friend's. For aid beyond that, be encouraged to seek professional resources and help others seek them.
Suicide Prevention Hotline (US): dial 988
Text Crisis Line (US): text 741741
Be advised, though, that the Suicide Prevention Hotline in the US can contact emergency responders in cases of callers' risk of harm to the self or others is imminent or in-progress. It is done only as a last resort, with only 2% of all calls to the US Suicide Prevention Hotline requiring emergency responders. But it is something to bear in mind when reaching out to them if one has a fear of the police given the prevalence of police brutality occurrences. The US Suicide Prevention Hotline, however, is aware of this and still has the goal of minimizing the harm mental health crises can inflict—hence contact with the police only being a last resort to minimize potential harm.
Gaara (approximate time: 7:00 PM)
"Katiya?" Gaara tentatively asked, finally saying something after Kankuro had gone, Katiya having avoided eye-contact for the past hour or so. Her, not having moved from where she was, curled up in a ball on the cot of her jail cell.
She turned to face him. "You're still here."
"I didn't want to leave until I knew you were alright," Gaara replied.
"Worried I'd escape again?"
"Worried… what would happen if I am not here for you," he replied. "Because you are my friend."
"Friends would 'care', you said… If you were my friend, you'd have let me go."
Gaara's brow furrowed… there it was again. That strange shift in her chakra that gave him a tugging in his gut, where Shukaku's seal was. Gaara frowned, clasping his hands together uncomfortably. He was very aware—in that moment—of the sand he brought in with him—from his gourd that he brought everywhere with him. It wanted to flare—the sand—and Shukaku wanted to—Shukaku wanted—Gaara swallowed down the sensation of something crawling up his throat. Shukaku, screaming about his… usual… wants.
"No," Gaara whispered.
IT's So EasY, Shukaku told Gaara. eASy, for him to let go of Katiya. easY, for him to—do—what Shukaku actually wanted from him—and—let go control of his body back to Shukaku—and kiLL like—that night—it was NiGht TimE again, wasn't it. Shukaku was stronger at night for him. ThE PLaYinG PosSuM JUTsU, night time… when he was taught it—to force himself to—SLeeP.
"Then you aren't a 'friend'… Friends would 'care', you said… So why don't you care about what I want if you're supposed to be my 'friend'?" she asked, finally repositioning to meet his eyes.
I do cAre. Gaara closed his eyes, clenching his fists. Memories of Shukaku telling him what he wanted—what Shukaku had wanted—sprung to Gaara's mind. And the yowls of Shukaku's to just kill Katiya weren't… helping.
"I care about what you want when it's truly… what you want, not what—not what…" Not what Shukaku, not what Orochimaru, not what others would have wanted. Killing… had never been what Gaara… truly wanted. Gaara shook his head, shaking away the memories in his mind. "How do you know you want what you want?" Gaara finally asked, opening his eyes.
Katiya let out a pained scoff. "I know I want it because I want it… there's no need for there to be more to it…"
"NoThiNG sO cOmPLiCatEd… I jusT WaNt tO KILL…" he said to—Gaara had said to—Naruto—about Rock Lee—before…
Gaara inhaled. "If… you don't know why to do something, why do it?" he asked.
If there was no logical reason why to do something, why do it? Shukaku, for him… not… the most logical. Shukaku's reasoning for why—if only he knew to question it sooner—Shukaku's reasoning why to kill, not the most logical. Gaara breathed. Gaara would care about what Katiya wanted if what she wanted was truly what she wanted; if it was truly what she wanted, it would not change when it was questioned.
Katiya narrowed her eyes irritatedly at the questions. "Because why not? Why should I stay if I don't know why to stay?"
WhY noT KILL SinCe THERE'S nO reAsOn WHy NoT to?!? Shukaku asked in Gaara's mind. Gaara—in Shukaku's cavern—winced at the yells.
"Because there's the chance to change," Gaara verbally replied to the both of them.
BUT HuMANiTY's WrEtcHeD—thEy hATe yoU beCaUse—thEy'RE afRaiD oF monStErS! SO yOu DO HaVE a ReAsoN SO kiLL! Shukaku told him.
"But even though I have the chance to change, any change I might have won't help the dead. I don't deserve the chances I've taken from them," Katiya told him.
People have the chance to change while they're… while they're still alive. It doesn't make sense—it doesn't make sense—to kill people for their hate when their hate can be changed, Gaara thought to Shukaku. Gaara got his bearings around Shukaku's cavern and found himself crossed-legged in front of both Katiya—physically—and Shukaku—nonphysically. An item so cold… "It's only a matter of time—kill or be killed—! You don't know how—how many have died because of me!" Katiya had yelled, just a few hours prior. But whose right was it? To decide who deserved what?
"In Oto, we're all killers… murderers…" Katiya continued, "It's just who I am now… a murderer and a pawn of Lord Orochimaru. Only my death would mean I can't kill anymore… and it means I can die loyal to him, as I'm meant to, like the pawn that I am."
Gaara swallowed, his throat dry. 'WoRtHLeSs, PaTheTiC—PAWNS!' He… Gaara had made the choice to, then, to kill so many… to call Katiya a pawn. Before, listening to Shukaku. Trying to console her by telling her she had no choice would have been a lie.
"When Father… put Shukaku in me… I wasn't meant… to be anything except a weapon," Gaara tried, "I thought it was my purpose in life, to kill, and I did... Now, the Council wants to kill me and the villagers treat me like an outsider. But still, I… want to stay because I have much to atone for… from living with the purposes other people have tried to give me. So long as I continue, then someday, I can have a future beyond that of a monster."
"That doesn't change the fact their 'justice' wants you dead," Katiya replied. "For all your atonement to be a 'good' person, wouldn't a 'good' person just give them the justice they want and die?"
"A good person would only willingly die for others if the cause is truly just. Without knowing that, why would a good person allow themselves to die in the name of it?" Gaara asked back. "More death won't bring the dead to life, so what good would your death do?"
"It'd give their families peace," she replied. "Peace, knowing their… kids', their loved ones'—their—parents'—killer is finally dead and can't hurt anyone else."
"But what about the hurt your own death would cause?" Gaara asked painedly.
…
Silence.
"If you don't know… why to do something, why do it?"
"… I don't… know."
"… So why don't you stay?"