Author's Note

So… you know how I mentioned a psychiatric emergency a while ago? Well, who knew a few medications can tone down a real-life equivalent of "Shukaku"? Because I didn't… On one hand, it's a lot calmer in my mind now but because it's also a lot harder to immerse myself into a fantastical world like the one I built in my mind for this fiction, it's a lot harder to write now.

Apologies. But I can't help it.

(But trust me when I say, a real psychotic break makes Shukaku as he's presented here seem almost tame in comparison. Here, Gaara can internally talk down Shukaku because he's a separate entity from himself… but when I was admitted to the hospital, I couldn't. Because it's a lot harder to talk down oneself while oneself is the paranoid, non-homicidal, but equally bombastic version of Shukaku. Trust me, I would not wish the experience on anyone...)

Chapter 60

Gaara (the next day, approximate time: 9:00 AM)

"Hey, No-Brows!

"Sorry I had to leave in such a hurry I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye! Pervy Sage's finally taking me out for training after all the C-ranks Grandma Tsunade put me on after I got out of the hospital last time and he said that right now might be my last chance to get a letter sent back since we'll be on the move so I wanted to send a letter to you and Sakura! Especially since I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

"There's this terrorist orignaization called the Akatsuki out there hunting Jinchuriki like you and me though so Pervy Sage told me to be careful of them and their trackers so this is probably the only letter you're going to hear from me for a while since he doesn't want them finding out where we are. I know I promised Sakura I'll bring Sasuke back and this training from the Pervy Sage's going to help me do that, but it's also gonna help me beat off the Akatsuki when they come back. Believe it, I had a showdown with two Akatsuki members and boy was it scary. I know your sand barrier's going to protect you but still! Be careful out there, alright Gaara?

"Your friend,

"Naruto

Katiya (approximate time: morning.)

Though Katiya hadn't known it, after being checked out by her ANBU guards, the assailants from the day previously found their way into temporary holding cells under Suna Council control. But having had Gaara perform a Genjutsu Release on her and having decided the chance of someone knowing Gaara well enough to simulate him long-term in a multilayered genjutsu was rather low, she figured the threat her assailants had posed passed.

"We are lucky yesterday's encounter did not happen closer to a full moon," Gaara said as Katiya went about her day. The Council, occupied as it usually was, had yet to contact them over the incident.

Katiya turned towards Gaara marginally as she was preparing food, wordlessly asking "why".

"Full moons are when Shukaku is more… antsy," Gaara decided, interpreting Katiya's motion for what it was.

"Mm," Katiya hummed in response, turning back to focus on her food.

"What are you thinking about?" Gaara asked to her silence.

"You spent four years away from me while you've told me nothing about what happened while you were gone—!" a Gaara from a genjutsu yelled to her.

She shook her head.

"What are you hiding?!" Genjutsu-Gaara yelled from Katiya's memory.

Katiya swallowed, her throat dry.

"—Katiya?" Gaara asked concernedly. She hadn't noticed when she put her hands over her face.

"It's the… incident… yesterday. It was an interrogation, in the genjutsu. And it just made me realize I still haven't told you everything—or anything—about anything that happened in Oto," she said at last.

Gaara's gaze softened.

"You already told the Council the information you had on Oto itself," Gaara told her. "I had just assumed you'd say everything else when you were ready," he said quietly.

Katiya gave Gaara a tired—torn—look.

"I don't know where to start," Katiya said quietly.

Gaara met Katiya's eyes steadily. "Then start from the beginning," Gaara told her.

And so she started with what she assumed he already knew: with her acceptance into Otogakure after Suna sent ANBU agents after her and upon realizing their agenda against Suna. Her near-death at Suna's hand. She told Gaara the research projects she had been involved in… About Arashi. Told him about the fight rooms that were her training. About Guren... And about her dealings with the Akatsuki. How one of them told her about her clan's "Curse of Hatred". And about how she helped them even though she knew what they hunted—or rather—who they hunted.

"Do you believe him?" Gaara asked, referring to Itachi and his notion about her clan—the Uchiha clan's—Curse of Hatred.

Katiya rubbed a hand over her face. She didn't miss how she was giving out more information after the fact of her assailants' attack on her specifically to gain information. Even so, she left out the identity of the Akatsuki member she aided—along with her clan's identity. But she got the sense that Gaara already knew what clan she descended from.

"You're not… angry?" Katiya asked instead of answering. "That I helped him?" she asked. "The Akatsuki—they hunt—"

"—You did what you had to in order to survive," Gaara told her decisively. "And when they come, I will face them in battle as I must."

Katiya closed her mouth. They both knew the Akatsuki were S-rank criminals. But they both also knew Gaara was a more than able combatant.

"Do you believe him?" Gaara asked again after a moment.

"I don't… know," Katiya replied.

If not for knowing Itachi had joined an organization to hunt Jinchuriki—demon hosts of all things—she'd have laughed at the thought of being "cursed". If not for Gaara being born as a demon host…

Katiya bowed her head. "There's something else you should probably also know about me," she told Gaara while on the subject of demons and curses, resolving to tell him about her burden of relative immortality from her mother's experiments on curse mark formulae.

Gaara (two weeks later, approximate time: 7:00 PM)

He had fetched Kankuro earlier in the day and they gathered in the living room of Yashamaru's house along with Katiya.

"You sure about this, Gaara?" Kankuro asked as they all found seated positions. It would be the first full moon Gaara would spend inside the village since the Chunin Exams.

"I am," Gaara replied, flicking his eyes over to Katiya—who was the first one he discussed his indoor full moon endeavor with—lending the staging ground as it were. "Shukaku's been different as of late," Gaara added for Kankuro's benefit.

"Has it always been like this before?" Katiya asked, referring to his issue with the full moon. "I don't remember it being like this when you were younger."

"It started only after Yashamaru died," Gaara told her. Then, in a quiet undertone, "The attack had happened on a full moon and since then, the full moons would stir Shukaku. He can sense it even though I might be indoors. And Shukaku and I… would not want to be indoors when the moon rises… Or on the days around a full moon."

Kankuro checked the time. They had another hour and a half until the moon rose. But whereas Kankuro and Gaara seated themselves on the couch, Katiya had taken up a chair across the coffee table from them. Perhaps not afraid, per se… but an outsider to the new dynamic with Gaara despite what she knew was his attempt to include her.

Gaara wrapped his arms around himself, knowing this.

…

"It's starting," Gaara said quietly, feeling how it always began: with a jittering sensation under his skin.

"Shukaku?" Kankuro asked.

Gaara closed his eyes, ending up in Shukaku's chamber within his mind. Shukaku let out a scream, bored, according to his restless stirs as he rolled and tore at the sandy ground and thrashed against the chamber's caged bars. Physically, Gaara began digging his nails into the skin of his arms where he hugged them.

wHy arE wE aLwaYs doiNg whAt yoU waNT? Shukaku asked, rolling on his side. wHy caN't we eVer dO whAt i WAnT?!

I spent years doing what you wanted, Gaara replied. And what do I have to show for it? What do you ever want if not to kill something?

Shukaku let out a frustrated yowl knowing the chain of questioning Gaara had been using to say "no" to killing something in recent weeks. haLF thE TiME I waS trYinG to KeEp you sAFE, yOU kNOW?! oR did yOu foRget tHe nUmbEr oF AsSassiNs youR FatHeR senT wHeN yoU WerE toO weAk tO deFEnd youRSeLF on yoUr OWn?

I do remember, Gaara exhaled while trying to relax his arms. He did remember. But the reason why Shukaku was always interested in killing something stemmed from the same reason why Gaara had given into Shukaku more when he was younger—the presumed hatred and harm of others. I do remember. But they were just following orders. We never had to kill them, Gaara replied in thought.

Shukaku jumped up and let his sand body crash back into the ground of his seal chamber. Watching from his mind's eye, Gaara could tell Shukaku wanted to reply that they did but was trying not to. Because they had that conversation before. And Gaara was the one who had won.

oH, CoME oN LittLE GaAra!

DoN't yoU wanNa bE A gOod liTTLE MamMa's BoY?! Shukaku countered, ShE toLD yOU tHaT you ExiST to CURsE!—DEstRoY!—thiS ViLLage, diDn't She?! DoN't yoU wanT youR mAmmA's LOVE? DOn't yoU wANnA MaKe YouR mAMMa pRouD?!

Gaara paused. That was an argument he didn't hear for a while.

It is my choice to live my life the way I intend. If… it doesn't make my mother proud, so be it, Gaara mentally replied, steeling himself against Shukaku's further argument. Gaara thought back to his siblings and then to Katiya and Naruto. Korobi and Yaoki and Matsuri.

I have—I have others to love me now, Gaara replied to Shukaku, the pain he once had of having no one loving him but himself flaring.

Fiiine, hAve iT your waY! Shukaku shouted from within Gaara's mind, Shukaku roiling in an urgent restlessness in lieu of the bloodthirstiness that was his usual on the full moon.

Gaara took what he could get. He opened his eyes with a deep-seated tugging in his gut as he pulled himself out of Shukaku's nonphysical chamber, gripping back to reality. Kankuro had wrapped one of his hands over Gaara's, holding it so as to stop Gaara tearing into his flesh and Katiya had moved closer, fixing a concerned gaze upon him. Gaara readjusted his hands in Kankuro's grip, appreciating the small gestures.

Thank you, Gaara thought to all of them.