Chapter 10-Regrets

Later that night…

After an awkward and quiet supper, which Mikey had to have in bed due to his wounds making it hard for him to move, everyone went to their beds to sleep off the events that had happened earlier.

Leo, on the other hand, was the last person to quietly head upstairs to bed. Throughout the whole day, he had stayed away from the farmhouse and away from the others because he felt too ashamed to show his face after what he had tried to do to his youngest brother earlier.

As soon as he got to the top floor, Leo walked over to the bed where Mikey was sleeping on, sat on the chair next to it, and looked at his little brother with guilt-filled eyes.

Even in the darkness, Leo could see the partially dried tear lines shining from the moonlight through the window on Mikey's cheeks, indicating that the young turtle had an emotional breakdown before going back to sleep.

He then looked at the bandaged wounds on Mikey's upper body since his lower half was covered by the blanket. Even though most of the wounds were made by that black bear the other day, Leo still couldn't help but feel ashamed for adding more painful wounds to the youngest's body.

Temptation kicked into Leo's mind for him to hold Mikey's hand in order to give him some form of comfort, but he fought hard to resist it because he didn't want to disturb his brother and make him freak out once he saw him. Then, at the corner of his eye, Leo spotted Mikey's sketchbook on the bedside table next to the bed.

Like his comic books, the sketchbook was one of Mikey's most important items to ever possess, because it was something that he could use to both express his feelings and release his imagination on paper. However, he would also sometimes draw images that would express his negative emotions whenever he felt down and needed to let it all out instead of bottling them up.

With curiosity building up inside him, Leo carefully took the sketchbook, quietly opened it, and looked inside its contents.

It was then that his eyes widened; the pictures that he saw on the pages were beautifully drawn, coloured in, and amazingly illustrated with accurate details. He also discovered that the pictures were all based on his family from young tots to their current age.

'Wow…These must've been from our old photographs…!' Leo thought in awe when he recognised the scenes in each of the pictures.

However, Leo suddenly realised something when he looked at each of the drawings; none of them had Mikey included in them…except for one, which was not a pretty picture…

"Leo…?"

The tired voice of his purple-banded brother snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned around halfway to see Donnie walking quietly towards him whilst rubbing the sleep out of his tired eyes.

"Hey, Donnie…Sorry if I woke you…" Leo replied flatly without looking at him in the eye.

"What are you doing? That's Mikey's sketchbook!" Donnie hissed when he noticed that Leo was holding and looking through Mikey's sketchbook.

"I know…" Leo replied, ignoring Donnie's seething expression on his face.

"If he finds out that you looked inside it, he'll freak out!" Donnie warned quietly.

"It's a good thing I did, though…Look at this…" Leo countered before he handed Donnie the sketchbook for him to look at the picture himself.

When Donnie took it and looked at the image, his eyes widened in horror; the colour of the scene was dark and there was Mikey curled up in a corner surrounded by hurtful words including 'burden' and 'useless', which were all written in red on the walls, whilst sitting in a puddle of blood. He also noticed that Mikey's curled-up body was covered in bruises and cuts, which were the cause of the blood pool underneath him.

It was a picture that was hard to stomach, no matter how many times he and Leo looked at it.

"D-Did he really draw this…!?" Donnie questioned shakily.

"Yeah…" Leo answered sadly.

"But, why would he-"

"I think he drew it sometime after we arrived here to recover from the battle with the Shredder…" Leo theorised, cutting Donnie off.

"Hmm, you're right…! Look at this area here; the colours are still easy to smudge with your fingers upon contact, meaning that he didn't produce this too long ago!" Donnie pointed out after smudging a tiny bit of the red that represented the blood puddle underneath Mikey's body.

"I can't believe that Mikey really felt this way…" He then said in disbelief and sadness as he looked at the picture again.

"Mmm..." Leo hummed with a slight nod.

Actually, now that they thought about it, none of the older brothers knew that their fun-loving and high-spirited baby brother was secretly feeling so sad and depressed. Then again, there had been a number of times where they either saw the signs but did not bother to talk to Mikey about them due to only thinking about themselves or that Mikey was too good at masking his negative emotions in front of his family for them to notice the signs at all.

"Hey, Leo?" Donnie said after a moment of silence.

"Yeah?" Leo replied, looking up at his purple-banded brother.

"Do you wanna know the reason why Mikey challenged you to a fight earlier?" Donnie questioned in a slightly more serious tone.

"What was it?" Leo asked immediately since he was desperately trying to figure out why Mikey would just challenge him to a fight out of nowhere.

"He wanted to show you that, even with the injuries sustained during both the fight with the Shredder and in that bear attack, he could still carry on fighting as a ninja…Do the words, 'Even the most severely wounded ninja still stands back up and keeps fighting!', ring any bells…?" Donnie explained.

"Yeah, I remember them…" Leo answered with a sigh.

"We tried to stop him from confronting you, but…he was so fuelled with anger that he just ignored us and fought you, anyway…" Donnie explained his side of what he had witnessed in the fight between Leo and Mikey.

"He surprised me, actually…I still can't believe that he managed to snatch one of my swords without me noticing…!" Leo pointed out in disbelief.

"Well, it just shows that he still has some ninja abilities left in him…" Donnie replied with a light chuckle before his expression darkened again, which Leo noticed immediately.

"There's something you're not telling me, Donnie…What is it?" The blue-banded turtle demanded.

"Well…even though his physical wounds will heal, his mental side of healing will…e-erm…" Donnie started to answer before he got a bit shaky and stopped.

"What?" Leo said to push Donnie on to finish his sentence.

"H-He's…he's spiritually broken, Leo…" Donnie finally said in a shaky and quiet tone.

That answer from Donnie shocked Leo immediately.

"W-Wait, w-what are you saying…?" The blue-banded turtle questioned anxiously.

"You weren't there when he woke up earlier, bro; his eyes looked almost as if he was dead on the inside, and he kept denying his worth whilst repeating all the horrible words that you and Raph said to him days ago…He even told us that he should've been left behind to die on the Shredder's ship…!" Donnie explained with tears in his eyes.

Leo was stunned and horrified after hearing that. He never knew that his harsh actions towards Mikey had caused so much emotional pain towards him that it had gotten to a point where his baby brother thought that he was no longer worthy of being alive. By now, his heart became full to the brim with guilt and regret.

"What have I done…?" Leo questioned in despair, placing his head in his hands.

"You need to talk to him, Leo…Like father said; we can't allow the Shredder to ruin our family by letting our anger on what he did to us break us apart…!" Donnie advised firmly but caringly whilst placing a hand on Leo's shoulder.

"You're right…I will do that…" Leo promised with a nod before he released a small yawn.

"Ready for bed now, bro?" Donnie asked with a small smile.

"Yeah…and besides, it's too late in the evening to talk to Mikey now…I will do it straight after breakfast tomorrow morning…" Leo answered tiredly.

"Good…but first, let's get your wounds cleaned and patched up…" Donnie replied as he pointed at the cuts on Leo's body.

"Oh, right…heh, heh…" Leo said sheepishly before he was guided towards his own bed by Donnie, who grabbed the first aid kit and started to work on his brother's wounds.

Luckily, Leo's injuries were not as severe as Mikey's, but a couple of the slash wounds still needed stitches. Once they were cleaned and/or stitched up, Donnie wrapped them up with bandages to protect them from getting dirty or infected.

"Better?" Donnie asked with a tired smile.

"Much better…Thanks…" Leo answered with a small but grateful smile before he noticed Donnie's face saddening again. "What's wrong, Donnie?"

"Erm…There's one more thing that I need to confirm with you…" Donnie said as he looked at Leo with sad eyes.

"Ok…What is it?" Leo replied. After a moment of silence, Donnie spoke.

"…Do you hate Mikey…?"

That question shocked Leo to the very core. Why would Donnie ask him such a horrible thing?

"Wha-? No…! I-I…Why would I-?" Leo hissed in a stutter before he realised something. "Oh, shell…the argument from the other day…"

"Yes…and Mikey also thinks that you'll hate him even more now after his earlier fight with you…" Donnie added.

"…I don't hate him, Donnie, really I don't…I-I don't know why I've been so hard on him…" Leo said guiltily.

"Well, you need to convince him that you don't…cos, right now, he feels that he's all alone…" Donnie advised sadly.

"Don't worry, I will…I promise…" Leo replied reassuringly before he let out another small yawn.

"Get some sleep, Leo…Tomorrow's a new day…" Donnie told him with a sad smile.

"You're right, Don…Goodnight…" Leo replied before covering himself up with his blanket.

"Goodnight, bro…" Donnie said before he walked away to head back to his own bed to sleep.

Leo watched him go and climb back onto his bed before he laid his head down onto the pillow himself. However, he didn't fall asleep straight away because his head was buzzing due to still thinking about how he should make amends with his youngest brother.

'I have to make this right…somehow…' He thought in determination before he slowly succumbed to sleep moments later.