Paul.
She was gone by the time I cooled off enough to phase back, hours later.
The bonfire was cleared, elders and new pack members gone, and all that was left as evidence she was even there was a melted smoothie jar in the sink.
I watch the blood and dirt swirl the shower drain, my head hung under the spray of hot water.
The last thing I wanted to do, the last fucking thing I wanted to do, was scare Indiana. I wanted the first time she saw any of us phase to be in a comfortable, controlled environment where she didn't have to worry about getting hurt or anything like that.
And then Jacob had to show up.
At that point my wolf was so focused on challenging an alpha and protecting my imprint that I didn't even stop to think maybe I was crossing a line I couldn't jump back over later.
She seemed so small standing there, wide-eyed next to Josie, as every single one of us stood phased in the sand. Our pack is huge now, thanks to the Cullen's extending their stay. Four new members in the last week, bringing our total to fourteen actively phasing, likely with more on the way. Jared and I have been on babysitting duty since.
I twist the water handle and dry off with a towel.
The house is pretty quiet. Sam and Em are upstairs and asleep, their TV on with the volume low, and the dishwasher is humming softly in the kitchen.
I fall onto my bed and sigh, rubbing my forehead. At least Sam's letting me have the night off tonight.
What a fucking disaster.
Josie wanted Indie to know so she wouldn't leave, but after that mess I wouldn't be surprised if she's already halfway out of Washington. My gut sinks thinking about it.
Forcing myself to get up, I put on a pair of sweats and am rubbing the towel over my head when my phone buzzes on the nightstand.
I pick it up slowly, wondering who the fuck would be texting me at this time. It's almost three in the morning. For a half second, I think it'll be Rachel, but then I see Indie's name on the screen.
/
From: Indie
Message: I still feel it.
/
My body weakens. I gotta see her. Right now.
/
To: Indie
Message: Can I come see u?
/
Five extremely long minutes pass before she replies.
/
From: Indie
Message: I'll meet you outside xx
/
I'm in the 4Runner in seconds, shirtless, turning the key in the ignition and almost peeling out in the gravel.
It only takes a couple minutes to get there. There's soft light coming from her window upstairs, which flicks off when I pull up. I leave the car running and step outside as she comes out, gently pulling the door shut behind her.
Her tiny body closes the distance between us in seconds and she throws her arms around my waist.
"Are you okay?" she asks me, worried, and all the tension leaves my body.
She's worried about me? After I scared the fuck out of her and almost killed Jacob right in front of her?
I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her hair. "I'm fine. Are you?"
Pulling back to look at me, she scans my torso and grabs my chin, gently turning my head to the side. I know she's looking at the scratch along my jaw, and the little nicks and cuts everywhere else from the fight. They'll be faded in an hour or two.
"You got hurt," she whispers.
My ego can't resist the opportunity, so I smirk and say, "You should see the other guy."
I know I sunk my teeth into him good. The blood that splattered along the sand was from an injury in his shoulder. If he hadn't yanked away, it probably wouldn't have gotten torn up so bad.
She doesn't say anything back, and the two of us fall silent for a moment.
"Do you still want to leave?" I eventually ask, barely getting the words out.
Her head shakes back and forth slowly.
I can't describe the relief that gives me. Taking a deep breath, I reach up and rub my thumb against her cheek. "You should try and get some sleep," I suggest, already knowing what her answer will be. How the hell is she supposed to sleep after all that?
Shifting on her feet, she looks over at the 4Runner. "Can I come over?"
I nod. "Yeah, of course…"
She climbs in through the driver's side.
Neither of us bother to buckle – since the ride is so short – and neither of us move to get out of the car when I park in Em's driveway. There's a tension in the air between us. She has a lot of questions, I'm sure, and I've kept a lot of secrets.
Her head turns towards me and she pulls her knees up to her chest. "Can I see you?" she asks, voice timid. "As a wolf…"
My silence hangs heavy in the air.
"Are you sure?" I finally ask.
She nods and slowly turns to open the car door. I meet her on the other side and walk her up to the porch. Once again, she looks so small and fragile standing there, her arms crossed to provide herself some warmth.
"I'm sorry about what happened earlier… Please don't be scared. I won't hurt you."
Her head shakes. "I'm not afraid of you."
It does little to ease my apprehension, but if she's sure she wants to see me, I have to be willing to show her.
I walk back out to the driveway, a couple feet from the 4Runner, and hook my thumbs in the waistband of my sweats. I'm not embarrassed to be naked, literally ever, in front of anyone, but something about this moment is more intimate than I'm used to.
I've never showed someone my wolf like this.
I've phased from anger. I've phased when there's a threat. I've phased because it's my job. But I've never phased just because someone wanted to see it, and that someone being her makes this all the more important that it's done the right way.
I wet my lips and push my sweats down, letting them fall around my ankles before stepping out of them. For some reason, I can't look her in the eyes. Instead, I focus on the motions of my body and push myself out and onto four legs, my spine searing with the heat of the phase as all my senses heighten.
Shaking my pelt out, I finally look at her again and I can see all her features perfectly from where I stand. Her pretty green eyes, thick eyelashes, and sharp collarbones exposed by the sagging neckline of her sweatshirt.
I can smell her cherry-almond scent from here, and I can hear her heart beating steadily in her chest – can hear each and every small breath she takes.
"Paul?"
I take to my belly, crawling the short distance to the porch. Resting my chin on the bottom step, I look up at her and wait for her to make the next move.
Hesitantly, she sits down a few steps up from me and reaches down, her fingers threading through the thick fur on the back of my neck.
"You're really amazing, Paul," she says after a minute, fingers moving to my ears.
It tickles, so they twitch, but I eventually lean into her hand and purr from deep inside my chest.
I've definitely never been pet while phased, so that's a first, too. And honestly, it's less emasculating than I expected. It's… kind of nice. Like a massage.
I lift my head and carefully touch my nose to hers, then nuzzle the side of her face. She laughs and I get back up, slowly retreating to where I left my sweats on the ground.
She turns away so I can phase back, and I pull them back on.
I approach her again, cautiously.
"Thank you," she whispers, turning back to me, her eyes softened.
I smile a little. "Let's go inside," I say quietly.
We head in and bypass the couch, walking straight to my room. I left the light on, and my towel is still on the floor where I dropped it earlier. I snatch it up and hang it over the door handle.
Fumbling with the waistband of my sweats, I dig out my TV remote from the nightstand and offer it to her.
She looks at it for a second before shaking her head. "Can we just talk?"
My stomach fills with nerves. "Yeah, sure," I mumble, switching on my bedside lamp.
This is it.
This is where she tells me it's too much – that there are already too many monsters in her life as it is and she can't handle another one.
My stomach rolls at the thought as I take a seat on the edge of my bed.
She flicks the overhead light off and patters across the floor until she's standing in front of me. I spread my legs apart so she can stand between them, and she puts her soft hands on my shoulders.
Mine find her hips, resting there and rubbing circles with my thumbs.
I can't lose her.
A shaky breath leaves her lips, but nothing else follows. I lean my forehead against her flat stomach, closing my eyes and inhaling her scent.
Can we talk? Those are never good words to hear, no matter the situation.
The silence is unbearable. My ears are strained waiting for her to say something, but she doesn't.
"Was it scary seeing us phase?" I ask her, forcing myself to break the silence.
"No," she answers almost instantly. "I was just worried about you."
"Worried?"
Her fingers start to squeeze my shoulders, massaging my tense muscles. "Worried something might happen to you."
"Nothin's gonna happen to me," I reply. "Jake's probably mostly over it by now."
Okay, that's a lie.
"Not just Jacob…" The way she trails off makes it clear where she's going with this.
"I already told you, that leech—"
"He thinks I belong to him."
I squeeze her hips and growl under my breath, those words igniting the flame under my wolf's ass. "You're ours," I say slowly, voice deepening.
Mine.
"Have you really killed vampires before?"
I lift my head to look into her eyes. "More than I can count on two hands," I admit.
And I remember each and every one of them very clearly.
I remember the first, satisfying crunch of the one with the dreads years ago. I remember taking out eight of the newborns that came for Bella by myself. And I remember every single lone leech that ever made the mistake of crossing our border.
We seldom let them go.
"We're built to fight them. I promise, I'll protect you."
Her trembling hands pause. "But I can't do anything to protect you…"
I give her a gentle smile. "Didn't you see all of us out there on the beach? We're our own protection." I trail off, pulling her hands from my shoulders. The bracelet I got her is fastened around her wrist. I smile, looking back up at her again. "You were gonna take it with you."
"To remember you by," she mumbles. "Not that I could ever forget you."
I reach for her hips again and tug her into my lap, knees positioned on either side of me. Her arms fall casually around my neck and she looks at me with those soft eyes.
I wanna spill it all.
Right now.
Tell her about imprinting. Tell her she's the most incredible thing on this earth. Tell her I'm so hopelessly infatuated with her and that I'll be by her side forever if she'll have me.
But I settle on kissing her instead.
Cautiously, at first, curling my arms around her tiny waist. Hers tighten around my neck as her body presses against mine, her soft lips like cushions. I part them with my tongue and slide a hand along her spine to the back of her head.
It's four in the morning, we're both exhausted, but all I can think about is how I can't get enough of her. I trail kisses along her jaw and down her neck, pausing over her pulse point where her scent is strongest. It drives me wild. Her fingers curl in my hair and I press my nose deep into her skin.
I can feel the frailness in her body. It's been a long day for her. And as badly as I want to move things forward, I need to take care of her.
"We should go to sleep," I whisper, pulling back to look into her eyes.
They're lidded, with want or exhaustion, or some combination of the two. She merely nods and rubs her lips together, which only makes me want to kiss her again.
I stand up with her in my arms and pull back the blankets so she can crawl under. Once she's situated, I cut the light and walk around to the other side of the bed, sliding under with her.
She curls into me in an instant, fingers splaying against my bare chest.
"What was it like when you first phased?" she whispers.
I wrap my arms around her and settle into the mattress. "Painful," I tell her. "It felt like… kind of like my skin was ripping, and like my spine was melting."
"That sounds awful."
"After a while it doesn't hurt anymore. You get used to it. Now it feels like a good stretch."
Nuzzling against me, she goes quiet again for a few minutes. For a second I think she fell asleep, but then she shifts and starts tapping rhythmically against my chest.
"Why does Jacob hate you?"
I take a deep breath.
"I, uh… I faked a relationship with his sister, Rachel, for a while." I really don't want to talk about this, but she deserves the truth, and my guilty conscious wants to get it off my chest. "It sounds bad, but it was her idea. I guess she asked me to do it cuz I was the only one left that wasn't friends with her brother and didn't already have a girlfriend. She dropped out of college and needed something to distract her family with so she didn't have to tell them the truth."
I pause for a second.
"I dunno why I agreed to it, but the second she started having real feelings for me I broke it off."
Her tapping continues. I realize it matches my heartbeat.
"Why didn't you want to have a real relationship with her?"
I swallow. "She just wasn't the one."
Another moment of silence.
"Anyways, now Jake wants me dead of course and their dad ain't so fond of me either, which sucks cuz he's chief."
"Billy is Jacob's dad?"
I nod.
She hums and presses her hand flat against my chest again. "I'm sorry it backfired on you… It doesn't change the way I feel about you."
Relief washes through me, flooding my veins. One hard confession down, two more to go.
"I'm not seeing anyone, just to be clear… I know at Quileute Days Yocum said some bullshit that probably sounded really confusing, and then I didn't show up the next day. I just—"
When I don't say anything for a minute, Indie presses a kiss against my chest. "It's ok, you don't have to explain anything."
"I want to. I need to, I just… McKayla was a long time ago." Saying her name feels like tearing a scab off. It doesn't necessarily hurt, but everything behind it starts pouring out.
"She was my first serious girlfriend right before I phased. We were sixteen and stupid and I got her pregnant and I begged her for weeks to keep it but she ended up getting an abortion, and Yocum's the one that took her to do it."
She tries to pull back to look at me, but I tighten my arms around her, keeping her locked in place. I don't want to see her expression right now.
"She left me for him after that. Told me over the phone. That's the night I phased for the first time."
I remember that night vividly, too. I'd thrown the phone at the wall, watched it combust into a million pieces, and my old man came in to yell at me which really set me off, and then I nearly killed him while phasing.
That's also the night he lost his mind.
Even though I hate the guy, it sucks knowing he went all senile because of what I am.
Indie presses her ear into my pec, above my heart. "I still feel it," she whispers. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
I never really opened up about what happened with McKayla, and telling someone the truth makes it feel like I can finally let it all go.
Most people on the rez heard what happened between us, but the story got all jacked up and people thought I made her get the abortion, and Yocum was the one that comforted her after the traumatic experience. Her knight in shining armor.
I hate that fucking guy, but it wasn't worth correcting, especially after she moved away. And I was so preoccupied with the fact that I could barely keep myself human with how often I was involuntarily phasing anyways.
My arms tighten around Indie's small body and I kiss her head. "I just wanted to be honest," I tell her. "Cuz there's this pretty cute girl that I'm interested in, and she's in my bed right now."
She giggles quietly and nuzzles against me.
After that, we finally start to drift off.
All the weight is lifted off my shoulders. She knows about the pack, she knows about Rachel and McKayla, and I'll slowly bring the imprint thing up over time. My dad will be dead before I ever have to come clean about that, and I think she'll understand why I kept it from her.
She's a tough girl.
It's time she got a break from having to be.
I don't wake up until almost 1:00 PM, and it's to my phone buzzing on the nightstand. My body feels like a bag of rocks, but my head is as clear as it's been in years it feels like. Indie is still snuggled up next to me, her lips pouty with sleep, eyelashes resting against the tops of her cheeks, and breaths in slow, even intervals.
My chest tightens.
How is it possible to feel so strongly about someone? Every cell in my body is so attuned to her – so devoted. What if one day she decides she doesn't want me? The thought alone brings me physical pain. I wouldn't be able to fucking live without her.
My phone starts buzzing again and, annoyed, I carefully slip out from under her and check the screen.
Rachel.
Is she serious?
I swipe the screen to answer the call and put it to my ear. "What?" I hiss quietly.
"Jacob told me what happened."
Of course he did.
I walk out into the living room. It doesn't sound like anyone's home, which I'm kind of thankful for. "Okay. And?"
She sighs on the other end. "So he wasn't lying when he said you imprinted?"
"No, he wasn't." I take a seat on the couch and sink into it. "Why are you calling?"
"I guess I just wanted to see if it was true… By the way you're talking to me, I can tell it is."
All I really want to do is roll my eyes and hang up, but I guess I am kinda being a dick. "Sorry," I mutter. "For the way I'm talking to you. Not that I imprinted." I quickly clarify.
"Who is she?"
"I'm not doing this, Rachel," I sigh, annoyed. "It's been weeks. Let it go. I thought we were on the same page."
"I'm just asking," she says quickly. "I thought maybe Jacob just told me that to make me mad. I'm just curious about her."
"Why would he tell you that to make you mad after he just tried to kick my ass on your behalf?"
The line goes quiet for a moment.
That's what I thought.
"I have to go," I tell her.
"Who is she?" she asks again.
I'm not sure why she'd want to torture herself with the knowledge, but whatever. "She's new," is all I say. "Bye, Rachel."
"Wait!"
"What?" I snap.
"I can still help with your dad, if you need me to. I'm not leaving La Push for a while."
Honestly, as tempting as that offer is, I can't agree to it. It's just another way for her to try to hold onto me. "Thanks, Rach, but I found someone."
I take her silence as an invitation to end the call.
Stuffing my phone into the pocket of my sweats, I sigh and run a hand through my hair. Indie knows the truth about Rachel, but I still feel a little nervous about that phone call. I don't want Rachel to seek her out and pester her for whatever reason. It's weird she kept asking who she was.
Girls and their jealousy.
I poke my head back in the room – Indie's still sleeping – and decide to take a shower to help wake myself up.
When I get out, Sam and Emily are back and in the kitchen, and it smells like Em's making lunch.
"Hi, Paul," she says when I walk in. "Have you spoken to Indie?"
I lick my lips and sit at the table. "She's here, actually. Asleep in the room."
"Oh," she looks over her shoulder in the direction of the hallway, "she must be exhausted. Is she okay?"
"Yeah, I think so," I mumble.
"I saw her talking to Veda last night," Sam says, grabbing an apple from the fruit dish on the island.
That could be good or bad thing.
Veda is our tribe's seer.
As nice as she is, that woman knows everything. Your past, what you're thinking, and your future. I never used to believe it – no matter how proud of and devoted to my culture I am – until I walked by her a few days before I phased for the first time and she told me to stay home that Thursday night.
Sure enough, that's when it happened.
Ever since then, I've kept a respectful distance.
"How's she handling everything?" Emily asks quietly.
"She's not leaving anymore," I reply, passing the salt shaker back and forth in my hands. "I didn't tell her about imprinting, though…"
Emily smiles warmly and continues putting together lunch. "You two are perfect for each other," she says.
Sam huffs and stands up next to her. "Don't you mean you and I are perfect for each other?" he asks jealously.
She laughs at kisses him. "Of course we are."
Stuff like this used to gross me out, now I just find it comforting. Even though they're not that much older than me, after being under Sam's wing for so long they're kind of like parents in a way.
My parents didn't last long at all, and the time they spent together was all yelling and fighting. I like that Sam and Em have a functional relationship and always have, despite the tough beginning.
After lunch is finished, I go into my room and try to wake Indie up to eat, but all she does is go into the bathroom – practically like a zombie – and climb right back into bed. The second my hand is clasped in hers, she's out like a light again.
I eat as quickly as possible and go back into my room to be with her, laying on the bed and watching her sleep. After so many nights spent looking out of her window waiting for that fucking psycho to show up, I wonder if she finally feels safe enough to let her guard down.
I hope so. I hope this girl knows nothing will ever touch a fucking hair on her head again.
She's safe.
She's protected.
She's mine.
A/N: Chapter 13! Sorry for the long wait. My miserable job has been crazy lately, lol! Anyway, for this chapter, little bit of fluff, little bit of Rachel drama, and a little more fluff. Sorry it's kind of boring :/ the next chapter has a little more meat and the one after that y'all will REALLY like ;) as always, please ignore any typos because even though I proof read every chapter like 5 times I always end up finding something weeks later.
Let me know what you guys think! I love chatting with you all :) until next time xxxxx