A/N: Enjoy!
14. Turning Tides
In the short time it took to walk to Hershel's house, the gravity of reality set in.
Lori was back.
Stripped of my blinding rage, that truth sat bare in the forefront of my mind, weighing heavily. And for the second time that day, I struggled to walk up the steps to the front porch.
I could lose Nugget.
I could.
I was already taking a step back from his daily life, which wasn't a decision I'd made lightly. But now, at the whim of someone who had done nothing more than share her DNA, I was facing the very real possibility of being shut out of his life completely.
I carried him, I gave birth to him, I helped raise him, I loved him with all my heart, but I could lose him.
I gripped the railing beside me.
Breathe, Michonne.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Mine.
My grip on the railing tightened.
That word...
That feeling...
There it was again, trying to nudge the heaviness of Lori's return to the side.
I shook my head, disagreeing with myself. Nugget wasn't mine. Rick wasn't mine. I was confusing possessiveness with protectiveness.
I'd gone over this with myself last night when I was on my third or fourth saké. By my fifth or sixth, I'd moved past it.
I was Nugget's Michonne. His "muh."
I was Rick's officially unofficial best friend.
I was ok with that.
Mine meant more. More than "muh." More than officially unofficial best friends.
"No," I said to myself, shaking my head again.
I was just flustered by Lori's return.
I was being overprotective.
Nugget wasn't mine.
Rick wasn't mine.
I had to be ok with that.
"Maggie, please… not right now," Glenn said, pushing the screen door open.
Maggie followed him outside. "Glenn, just let me explain again!"
He jogged past me down the steps.
Maggie stood statue-still on the porch, watching him walk toward the hayfields. She numbly turned around and went back into the house with tears streaming down her face.
I quickly followed her. Thoughts about Lori, and thoughts about other things, could be revisited another time.
"He hates me," Maggie whispered, trudging to the couch. "He hates me, and I wanna die."
"He doesn't, and you don't," I said.
She sat down on the couch and stared blankly at the wall on the other side of the room.
I sighed and took off my shades and Glenn's hat. When I set them on the coffee table, Maggie stared at the hat. With a trembling lip, she reached for it and hugged it to her chest.
My heart went out to Gleggie for their loss of what probably would have been a very beautiful moment celebrated privately. There would be many more beautiful pregnancy-related moments between now and the day baby Gleggie was born, but still, I empathized with Maggie and sympathized with Glenn.
If I had to guess, I'd say that once Maggie caught up to Glenn, she offered apology after apology and explanation after explanation. I didn't think Glenn doubted anything Maggie said. He probably just needed a few minutes of solitude to process how life as he knew it was going to change.
I was about to tell Maggie this, but then I heard Nugget's happy squeal come from somewhere inside the house.
Maggie sniffled. "He's in the sunroom with Annette," she murmured, hugging the hat tighter. "You should be with him right now."
I gave her shoulder a squeeze before leaving to find my sunshine.
With every step I took that brought me closer to Nugget, I felt the heaviness of the day start to lift. And when I saw him sitting on the floor playing peek-a-boo with Annette, the part of me that Lori had left cold was warmed.
This little boy fed my soul in so many wonderful ways.
"Peeboo!" he shouted.
I grinned because Annette's hands were still covering her eyes.
"Peeboo!" he shouted again when she uncovered her eyes.
Annette saw me leaning in the doorway and smiled. "Still workin' on the concept," she commented.
"He's almost got it down," I replied with a little laugh.
At the sound of my voice, Nugget turned his head and belted out a high-pitched "Muh!"
My heart swelled when he tried to stand up and walk, but his excitement seemed to be throwing off his equilibrium and he couldn't quite get himself upright.
"You can do it, baby, come on," I encouraged, crouching down and holding my arms out.
I didn't care if he walked, crawled or rolled to me, I just wanted him in my arms.
He tried getting up again and fell back on his little bottom. He let out a frustrated grunt, gave up on walking and crawled to me.
"Nugget," I cooed as I picked him up.
"Muhmuh!" he screeched, grabbing my face. He giggled and puckered his lips for a kiss.
I would never tire of how enthusiastically he greeted me.
"Here you go!" I gave him a kiss on his forehead. "And here's another one!" I gave him a kiss on his nose. "And another one!" I gave him a kiss on his cheek. "And a few more because you're such a cutie!"
After I planted kisses all over his face, I lifted him high in the air.
"Don't you look so very, very handsome," I gushed, looking up at him.
He was no longer sticky, wet or covered in frosting. He'd been cleaned up and was wearing his formal birthday outfit.
When Rick and I started planning his birthday, I suggested that he wear his swim trunks for the duration of the party. Rick, however, wanted him dressed in three different outfits: "formal wear" to meet-and-greet guests as they arrived; swim trunks to enjoy party activities; and a tshirt and short set to eat his lunch and birthday cake.
I thought outfit changes were a bit much for a one-year-old, but I had to admit that Rick picked out the cutest formal outfit. The onesie had a bright blue number one on it that perfectly matched the color of Nugget's eyes. The onesie came with a snap-on blue and white polka dot bow tie and blue and white striped suspenders that clipped onto his little jean shorts.
"Such a big boy," I whispered, securing Nugget on my hip and giving him another kiss. "He seems to have come down from his sugar high," I said to Annette.
"We let him loose in the bounce house," she replied, grinning at Nugget. "Glenn had him bouncin' like crazy to burn off some of that energy."
"Thank God," I mumbled.
"Owcy! Owcy! Owcy!" Nugget yelled, kicking his little legs back and forth and bouncing against me.
"That's right! Bouncy! Bouncy! Bouncy!" Annette cheered.
Nugget giggled and rested his head on my shoulder. When he was distracted by the M charm on my necklace, Annette gave me a pensive look.
"Michonne, what's goin' on? Hershel went to check on the ruckus we heard and hasn't come back. Glenn came rushin' in the house, lookin' shell-shocked. Maggie came rushin' in after him, and she was a blubberin' mess. Beth left and hasn't come back… What exactly is goin' on out there?"
I kissed the top of Nugget's head and held him a little tighter.
"Lor…"
I couldn't get her name out. Saying it out loud and explaining what happened was more challenging than I expected.
I took a breath and tried again.
"LoriGrimesshoweduptodayandruinedNugget'sbirthday."
I hoped Annette understood what came tumbling out because I didn't want to repeat it.
Annette's eyes widened and darted to Nugget. "Oh, dear Lord!" she hollered, clutching the lei around her neck.
Nugget stopped trying to grab my necklace, looked at Annette and shouted, "Uhoh!"
He was truly concerned for his Peeboo partner. His little chest started heaving, and I feared he was about to express his concern in a very loud way.
"Shh, shh, shhhh. It's ok, Nugget," I whispered, rubbing his back until the heaving started to slow down.
But uhoh, indeed.
Annette, Maggie and Beth had very similar temperaments.
"She's here?" Annette asked, turning a violent shade of red. "On my property?!"
"Last I saw her, she was leaving. She should be gone."
And then I remembered why I'd come to the house in the first place.
Hershel! Shotgun! Golf cart!
"Shit!"
"It!" Nugget shouted.
Oh my God.
"Nugget, no, baby," I said softly.
I'd worked so hard to monitor everyone's use of foul language around him, so of course I would be the offender who had him shouting shit.
"It! It! It! It! It!"
Oh my God!
I groaned and looked at Annette.
"My lips are sealed," she promised with a twinkle in her eyes.
"It!" Nugget shouted again.
I gave him a kiss on his forehead. "Language," I scolded.
He giggled in delight.
I tried not to think he was adorable for doing that.
"Hershel wanted you to get a shotgun and the golf cart," I told Annette. "He's outside with Daryl near the barn."
Without asking any questions, she retrieved a shotgun from their gun safe and the golf cart keys from a key ring.
The idea of Annette and Hershel driving around the farm in a golf cart with a shotgun while wearing Hawaiian shirts and leis should have been amusing, but because of why they were doing it, I could only frown. And now that Annette was involved, there was a very strong likelihood that a car window or tire would be shot out if Lori and Mike were still on the premises.
"Michonne, we all know who's done right by Carl," Annette said while loading the shot gun. "That woman bein' here doesn't change a thing. Don't forget that."
She looked as if she wanted to say more but was trying to decide if she should. After a few seconds, she rested the shotgun against the wall, glanced at Nugget, who was back to trying to grab my necklace, and gave me a ghost of a smile.
"It wasn't always easy... me steppin' in after Hershel's first wife passed. Maggie was fourteen and little Bethy was just ten. The girls were so angry, and so sad and so confused," she said in a hushed voice. "We struggled... We struggled for a long time before we were able to see each other and treat each other as family. But I love those girls with all my heart. There's nuthin' I wouldn't do for either of 'em."
I nodded because I understood the love she felt for the children who weren't biologically hers.
"They know I'd never try to take the place of their mother," she continued, "but those girls are my daughters too. No one will ever convince me otherwise."
She cupped my cheek with a fierce look burning in her eyes.
"You and me? Our situations are different, but they boil down to the same thing. So I need you to hear me when I say that woman bein' here changes nuthin'. Don't forget that!"
"I won't," I whispered.
"Good." She let go of my cheek and rubbed my arm. "If you ever need to talk, mother to mother, I'm here. And now that Maggie's joinin' the club..." She dramatically rolled her eyes and made the sign of the cross. "God help us all."
I was too stunned by her words to laugh about Maggie.
Mother to mother.
"See ya soon, little guy," Annette said to Nugget, jiggling his foot.
He waved bye-bye and then covered one of his eyes with his hand. "Peeboo!" he shouted.
Annette grinned at him and turned to get the shotgun, but I pulled her back and gave her a hug.
"Thank you," I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion. "For the second time today, thank you."
Annette curing my hangover with her tea and giving me some peace of mind with her words meant the world to me.
"Ah, yes… You don't have hangover face anymore," she said, studying my face. "And now Hershel owes me a dollar!" She winked before picking up the shotgun and heading for the front door.
On her way out, it sounded like she and Maggie exchanged words, but I couldn't make out anything except for Maggie's groaning, and then everything was quiet.
I walked farther into the sunroom, enjoying the embrace of the sun's rays. This was my first time alone with Nugget all day. I inhaled his powder fresh scent and swayed with him in my arms until he started to squirm.
He pushed away from me with both his little hands and leaned back to look at me. "Lo mirt dree sho sha?" he asked with wide blue eyes.
Not one of his words of gibberish was recognizable, but he looked at me like he'd asked an important question that required an answer. I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing at the very serious expression on his face.
My love for this precious little boy ran so deep. Everything about him owned my heart, including the parts of him that screamed he was a part of her... The straight hair, the freckles, his apparent non-bowlegedness.
No, I wasn't going to lose Nugget.
DNA may have made him hers, but everything I'd given him and would continue to give him made him… a very, very important and vital part of my life.
He cocked his head and looked at me, similar to the way that his father often did, and waited for me to respond to his question.
"Yes," I answered confidently, hoping that was the right answer.
He gurgled happily, rested his head back on my shoulder and put his thumb in his mouth.
"Do you know that the day you were born was the scariest day of my life?" I asked him, nuzzling my face against his head. "It was also the happiest, Carl. It was the day you became my little nugget of joy. No matter what happens… I love you. Always. Ok?"
He continued to suck his thumb.
"Ok," I whispered with a smile. "Let's check on Maggie."
She was lying facedown on the couch with an arm and a leg hanging down to the floor. I was amazed by how dramatic she managed to make most situations.
"Maggie?"
"Gam!" Nugget shouted.
When she didn't respond, I sat Nugget on her back.
"Gam! Gam! Gam!" he yelled, bouncing up and down.
She groaned into the couch.
"Maggie, you should join me and Nugget in the kitchen," I said, picking Nugget up.
"But Glenn," she whined into the couch. "When he comes back-"
"You'll only be in the kitchen, Maggie. Up. Now."
She sighed dramatically and got up slowly. I waited for her to start walking and followed behind her, knowing she'd just plop back down on the couch if I walked ahead of her.
Maggie went straight to the refrigerator when we entered the kitchen. I sat down at the table with Nugget in my lap, flexing my slapping hand. The throbbing was getting worse. I planned on putting ice on it, but I liked the reminder of how hard I had slapped Mike.
I also felt like I deserved the pain.
Mike was the reason why Lori was here. Not a crisis of conscience. Not deep-seated remorse. Not love. Mike brought her back. I suspected why he'd done it, but I would never give Mike Anthony the chance to explain it to me.
And I would never forgive myself for allowing him to bring this catastrophic level of chaos into our lives.
Maggie slid a sheet cake onto the table and crossed her arms. "I need this, Michonne." She raised an eyebrow, daring me to object.
I side-eyed her for interrupting my thoughts. The cake looked really good, though. The white frosting was decorated with confetti sprinkles, and the word "Happy" was written out with orange frosting in a fancy swirly font. The irony of Maggie wanting to eat such a cheerful cake when the day had taken such a dark turn was not lost on me.
Maggie didn't need to worry about me coming between her and the cake.
I remembered pregnancy cravings. I would never argue with a pregnant lady over a craving. Besides that, I could also use something sweet and comforting. I preferred a Big Kat but birthday cake would do in a pinch.
Maggie sighed impatiently. "This is the chocolate cake with buttercream frostin'," she said. "And we still have the 'First Birthday' and 'Carl' cakes. We can add an apostrophe S to the 'Carl' cake, so those cakes'll say 'Carl's' and 'First Birthday' and—"
"Mag, I'm sold," I interrupted. "We both need this."
"Thank God! Are we eatin' civilized or diggin' in with our hands?"
As terrible as things were, I didn't think we were at the point where we couldn't be bothered with forks.
"Let's start out civilized and see where the day takes us," I suggested.
"I can do civilized." She opened the silverware drawer and added, "And FYI, if Rick gets pissed, I'm tellin' him I had your blessin' to eat the cake."
Rick wasn't going to be upset about us eating the cake. He had probably already canceled the party because of Lori and Mike.
"Muhmuh!" Nugget shouted frantically, looking at the cake that his hands couldn't reach.
When he tried to climb onto the table to get to it, I held him tighter. He looked at me with an adorable little pout, mirroring yet another expression of his father's, I felt his pain. I knew all too well the frustration of being held back from the one thing in the world you wanted to tear into the most.
But Rick hadn't seen Nugget in his formal wear yet, so I didn't want his outfit to get messy.
"Is there a bib in here?" I asked Maggie.
"I think so," she replied, looking around the kitchen.
Nugget started grunting in frustration and slamming his little fists on the table. I tried not to think it was adorable.
"Mmhmm… Told you he got his hangry from you," Maggie remarked.
I rolled my eyes.
I also swallowed the hangry demand I was about to make for her to light a fire under her ass in finding a bib so we could start eating cake.
"Muh!" Nugget screamed, hitting his hands against my arm that was holding him in place.
"Carl."
The sharp tone I used was enough to get him to stop hitting my arm, but he let out another frustrated grunt and looked back at me. His scrunched face and the rapid rise and fall of his chest were a very bad combination.
"Maggie, don't worry about the bib."
"You sure?"
"Positive. Bring the forks! I'll just take his outfit off."
"I mean are you sure you want Carl to eat cake? He got a little crazy eatin' the frostin' ealier," she pointed out, sitting in the chair across from me.
That was true. But it was his birthday, and he was entitled to his own birthday cake. Plus, I didn't have the energy to deal with a tantrum right now. I would deal with the sugar high consequences later.
"What's a little more crazy added to today?" I asked.
Once Nugget only had his diaper on, I sat him on the table by one end of the cake. He immediately attacked it.
Maggie and I saluted each other with our forks and started attacking our sides of the cake.
There was an occasional "mmm" from Nugget, but Maggie and I remained silent, reliving our personal nightmares from earlier. I replayed the moment I first saw Lori's face. Lori had always been on the bonier side of thin, but her face seemed much fuller than it was a year ago. Her eyes were void of warmth. And she was still trying to pull off bangs.
I stabbed my fork into the cake.
"Glenn does hate me," Maggie said quietly.
"That's what he said?" I asked, shaking off my memory of Lori.
I knew full well that Glenn did not tell Maggie he hated her. In no universe would Glenn Rhee ever tell Maggie Greene he hated her.
Maggie loaded her fork with more cake and pouted. "No, but he won't talk to me."
I waited for her to finish her forkful so that we could continue talking. But after she swallowed, she ate another forkful. When she went for another forkful after that, I intervened.
"Fork down," I ordered.
She rolled her eyes, put her fork down and swiped her finger through frosting.
"He's gonna leave me. Probably for some not pregnant virgin chick who always knows how to use her words."
Nugget smiled at me and held one of his cake-covered hands out to me.
"No, thank you," I told him sweetly.
I was thoroughly charmed by his thoughtfulness and very glad I'd taken his outfit off. Most of his body was already covered in cake.
"Let's look at this from Glenn's perspective," I said to Maggie.
She picked up her fork and loaded up on more cake.
"He just found out he's going to be a father. That alone is a lot to take in..."
"True," she agreed, bringing the fork to her mouth.
"And not only did he find out he's going to be a father, he found out in front of your father…"
She chewed slowly. "True."
"And on top of that, he found out in front of all of us that he wasn't the first to find out he's going to be a father…"
"Is this where you tell me 'I told you so'?" she asked, her eyes flashing.
"No, Maggie. This is where I tell you that that's a lot to digest. He doesn't hate you. Just give him the time and space to digest everything."
"You really don't think he hates me?" she asked, raising her eyebrows hopefully.
"I really don't."
She let out a relieved breath and smiled brightly.
And then she jumped up from her chair and ran to the bathroom.
Nugget waved bye-bye to her.
"She'll be back, sweetie," I told him. "I think baby Gleggie is just making something come up... or out."
"Mmm," he replied, reaching for more cake.
When Maggie returned, she looked annoyed. "A lot of peein' is involved with bein' pregnant!"
"That only gets worse, Mag," I warned her, laughing. "As soon as you don't have to worry about your pee anymore, you have to worry about your baby's."
She groaned and sat down. When she looked at me again, she had tears in her eyes. "Thank you, Michonne," she whispered. "I know you have your own stuff to deal with right now."
I got up to give her a hug.
"Don't," she said, stopping me. "I'll c-c-cry even more if you h-h-hug me. Just give m-m-me a second."
I respected her request and sat back down. While she quietly sobbed, I watched Nugget eat cake. He really had a terrible cake-eating technique. He'd grab a handful of cake, squeeze most of it out of his hand as he brought his hand to his mouth, mostly miss his mouth and then grab another handful of cake.
He eventually offered his little cake-covered hand to Maggie. That just made her cry harder.
When her tears finally stopped, she wiped her face and sniffled. "Thank you again," she said, her eyes and nose red from her breakdown.
"You're welcome, Maggie. Your stuff is my stuff. You know that."
"I know," she replied gratefully, picking up her fork and eyeing the cake. "And thank you for body slammin' that bitch."
She said the last part so casually that it took a second for it to register.
When it did, I very sternly told her, "Language!"
"Sorry," she said, not sounding especially apologetic. "Sorry, Carl," she cooed.
Nugget giggled and slammed his hand on the cake.
"Will 'bee-yatch' work?" Maggie asked.
"No. And don't tell Rick I said no," I added, remembering our 'bee-yatch' debate. "And stop using uh-sole," I added, determined to stop that from becoming a thing.
She laughed. "What about 'ho?'"
I shook my head no.
"Skank?"
I gave her a look.
"Cow?" she asked desperately.
Nugget shouted, "Moo!"
I grinned from how utterly adorable he was, then said a silent prayer that the baby gibberish versions of bitch, bee-yatch, ho and skank wouldn't come out of his mouth today.
"So then 'cow' works?" Maggie asked impatiently. "Because I'm runnin' outta female dog replacements."
I didn't feel good about using 'cow' in such a derogatory way in front of Nugget, so I did the most sensible thing I could think of...
I picked him up, sat him in my lap, pulled the cake close enough for him to be able to reach it and covered his ears with my hands.
"Please continue," I said to Maggie, ignoring the ache in my slapping hand. "Unfiltered."
Her eyes lit up.
"Thank you for body slammin' that bitch. The fight was over! Who pushes someone from behind after the fight is over? What happened to decency and honor in fightin'?"
"Welcome to Lori Grimes' world… Where decency and honor do not exist."
"No good, dirty-fightin' bitch," Maggie muttered.
I didn't disagree.
"And why didn't I go with a drop kick instead of a hair pull?" she asked herself. "What was I thinkin'?"
I reveled in the memory of Beth hurling herself at Lori and smirked. "Don't feel too bad, Maggie."
"Why? What? Tell me!" she demanded.
"Your baby sister tackled the hell out of Lori," I said with glee.
"What!" Maggie squealed.
"She did," I said, laughing. "Rick pulled her off Lori before she could do anything else. But that tackle? It… was… awesome!"
Maggie beamed with pride. "Go, Bethy! And good luck to Rick tryin' to calm her ass down. Even I don't bother with Beth when she's in tackle mode."
I wondered how long it was going to take Beth to calm down. Nugget and chocolate cake had gone a long way in making me feel better, but I needed Rick. I needed to be not ok with him.
"Wait, why'd Beth tackle Lori?" Maggie asked, frowning. "Did Lori say somethin' to her? Did she do somethin' to Beth?"
"Calm down, Maggie. That tackle was all for you. By the way, Beth knows you're pregnant."
She became teary-eyed again. "Michonne, I promise that my baby comes first from here on out. While I'm pregnant, you won't have to worry about me fightin' again."
I raised an eyebrow.
"What?" she asked.
"Just while you're pregnant?"
She shrugged. "Once the baby's here, I'll have a score to settle. And I will find Lori Grimes to settle it."
I had no qualms with that. "Fucking Lori Grimes," I muttered.
"Basic, Olive Oyl bitch," Maggie muttered.
Convinced that we'd moved past the colorful language, I uncovered Nugget's ears. He looked back at me, put his hands over his ears and shouted, "Peeboo!"
I sighed, seeing all the cake he was leaving in his hair.
"Is your wrist ok?" I asked Maggie, noticing the scratches.
"Lori scratches like a child. I've had worse," she grumbled, rolling her eyes. "What about your hand? What happened there?"
"Mike," I answered flatly.
"Panty Man?!" Maggie's mouth fell open. "That was him? With Lori?"
I nodded. Maggie would want details, but I didn't care to discuss Mike Anthony any further right now.
Maggie understood that and said, "Well you need to put somethin' on your hand. We have instant cold packs and ice. What's your pleasure?"
"Sit down," I told her after she stood up. "I'll get something in a minute, Mag."
I appreciated her concern, and I didn't mean to be rude, but I would deal with the throbbing a little while longer. Maggie didn't look happy with me but sat back down.
"You should put somethin' on that now," she grumbled, looking at my hand.
I looked down at Nugget, who was now more interested in mashing cake with his hands than trying to eat it.
"Why do you think she's here?" Maggie asked after a brief silence. "What do you think she wants?"
I sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. I don't know what selfish motivation brought her back, and I don't care. But never in my life have I been so determined to protect someone that I love, and that's exactly what I intend to do."
She looked at me for a beat. "You're talkin' about Carl?" she asked slowly.
"Of course." I was confused by the question.
She stared at me.
I stared back at her.
"And what about Rick?" she asked.
Heat flooded my face. "What about Rick?"
She stared at me.
I stared back at her.
She narrowed her eyes at me.
I forced myself not to look away.
"Glenn says I should stay out of it, but seriously, Michonne, you and Rick need to shit or get off the pot."
"It!" Nugget shouted, throwing his hands up.
Shit.
"Nugget, no," I groaned. "That's a bad, bad word."
As bothered as I was by another 'shit' outburst, I didn't mind the distraction it provided.
"It!" he shouted again, looking back at me with a big smile.
"You see, Maggie? This is exactly why-"
"Uh uh. Don't even try it. Annette told me he got S-H-I-T from you," she said with a smirk. "And I'm sorry for sayin' it in front of him, but don't change the subject."
We heard someone open the screen door and come into the house.
"Maggie? Michonne?" Beth called out.
Maggie's face lit up. "Bethy!" she screamed. She jumped up from her chair and ran to the front room.
I kissed Nugget on top of his head and grinned. "No more 'it', Nugget," I whispered to him. "Especially not in front of daddy."
"Dadu?" Nugget asked excitedly.
"Yes, I think daddy's finally here!" I whispered.
Maggie and Beth pranced into the kitchen arm in arm with identical smiles on their faces, but I was taken aback by Beth's overall appearance. One of her braids was unraveled, her overalls were dirty and one of her knees was badly scraped.
"Eht!" Nugget cheered.
Beth smiled brighter. "Hi, cutie!"
I stared at her knee, trying not to gag.
"It's fine, Michonne. I've had worse," she said, shrugging. "And anyways, it was worth it!"
When she saw the remains of the cake on the table, her eyes bulged. "You pigs!" she shouted, looking at me and Maggie. "You ate birthday cake without me?"
Maggie sighed dramatically. "Baby mama drama over there and single mama drama over here. It couldn't be helped."
"What's she talkin' about?" Beth asked me.
"Well, according to your sister, she wants to die, Glenn hates her and he's leaving her for an eloquent virgin," I explained. "Does that cover everything, Mag?"
"It does," she sighed, plopping down into her chair at the table.
"That's stupid, Maggie," Beth decided, rolling her eyes.
"You're stupid, Beth," Maggie retorted, narrowing her eyes.
"No, I'm an aunty! And you're gonna be a mom!" Beth shrieked, hugging Maggie. "Congratulations, sis!"
Maggie started to get teary-eyed again.
"Thanks, Bethy!"
Their sisterly bond was endearing, but I was concerned that Rick hadn't walked into the kitchen yet.
"Beth, was Rick with you?" I asked as she pulled out the chair next to Maggie and sat down.
"Yeah, he said he needed a minute before he came in. He had to take a call."
I rolled my eyes. Everyone who regularly called Rick was at the farm.
Fucking Lori Grimes.
I could wait patiently for him to get off the phone and join us in the kitchen.
"Everything's ok between you two?" I asked Beth.
"Yeah. Deputy Grimes and I had a nice long chat," she said sarcastically. "I used to think Rick was kinda hot, but after that lecture he just gave me? He's so not a DILF. No offense, Michonne."
"None taken," I said with a laugh, getting up. "Maggie, will you take Nugget? Clean him up?"
"You know it!" She took Nugget from me held him close.
I'd grown tired of waiting for Rick.
Thankfully, he wasn't hard to find.
He was sitting on the top step of the porch, but I could tell that something was wrong. He didn't react to the screen door opening or closing. He didn't react to my footsteps behind him. He didn't react to me sitting next to him.
I observed how he stared at his wedding ring with laser-like focus, his jaw tense, his breathing heavy.
"Rick," I said softly, lightly bumping his shoulder with mine, hoping to break him out of his trance.
He turned his head and looked at me like I'd just materialized out of thin air.
"Hey," he whispered.
"Hey," I whispered back.
His glance swept over me, and a smile cut through the intensity on his face. "You're covered in cake," he said.
I looked down at the cake smeared on my chest, arms and costume and laughed. "Yeah, I guess I am."
"Did Carl at least eat any or did you hog it all?"
I gave him an unimpressed look. "Richard Arthur Grimes, do you honestly think I'm covered in cake because I'm that messy of an eater?"
"I've seen you eat cake before, Michonne," he deadpanned. "So, yes?"
I gave him another unimpressed look. "All of this is Nugget's work, Richard."
"Uh huh. Sure, it is."
I bumped his shoulder again, and he laughed. Once he looked away from me, I felt the vibe between us change.
"I think I just broke my phone," he admitted, frustration evident in his voice. "Lori called. Said she was goin' home."
For a moment, a very triumphant moment, I thought home meant wherever Lori had been hiding out for the last year. But when Rick looked at me with anger simmering in his eyes, it dawned on me that home meant his house.
"Legally, she has every right to be there," he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Her name's on all the paperwork. I never changed the locks."
I didn't bring up the divorce attorney contacts I had who could've made what was legally theirs solely his. The ball was in his court to ask me for a contact.
"So you threw your phone?" I asked.
"Yeah, I threw it. But threw it, threw it. Hail Mary, quarterback style," he said, looking out in the direction he must have thrown his phone.
I'd seen Rick devastated, depressed, distraught and delusional over the last year, but this was the first time I'd seen him express any anger towards Lori. This was huge for him. It was a long overdue moment for the both of us really.
So it was a shame I wasn't able to better control myself.
Maybe I was just reacting to the stress of the day, but I found it hilarious that Lori was so aggravating that she'd driven another person to destroy a phone. I found it even more hilarious that Rick couldn't manage to throw and break his phone like a normal pissed off person.
I gave up on trying to hold the laugh in and let it out.
"Stop looking at me like that," I panted once the long and loud fit of laughter passed.
Rick didn't look amused. At all.
"I'm sorry," I said, wiping tears from my eyes. I felt awful for my display of insensitivity, but I was certain he would laugh about this with me one day. Until then… "I'm playing my temporary insanity card," I told him.
Rick rolled his eyes. "So much for no drama today," he huffed.
"Yeah," I mumbled.
Quite a few of us had missed the no drama memo, though my hangover drama paled in comparison to the drama Lori brought.
"Hey, how's your hand?" Rick asked.
"How did you—"
"Ran into Daryl when me and Beth were walkin' back to the house… Heard it was one helluva slap."
Oh my God.
"Of course he'd find a way to tell you something two seconds after it happened," I complained.
A smile brightened Rick's eyes but was quickly dimmed by his concern.
"How's your hand, Michonne?"
"It's fine," I murmured.
He looked at me with "liar" written all over his face.
"You're going to stop calling me a liar, Rick Grimes," I threatened. "That's twice today."
"You're gonna need to stop shamin' your profession and learn how to lie," he retorted.
"Back to the lying lawyer jokes, huh? Do I make donut jokes?"
"You made donut jokes all throughout my Academy training," he deadpanned. "And throughout my probationary period," he deadpanned. "And throughout my first year as a deputy," he deadpanned. "Let me see your hand."
"So bossy," I said under my breath.
I held my hand out for Rick to examine, and he started gently massaging it with both his hands. Rick's touch was amazingly soothing, but I pulled my hand away from his.
"Did I hurt you?" he asked, watching me clench and unclench my hand.
I shook my head slowly. "No, you didn't."
"Michonne," Rick sighed, looking at me with too much kindness in his eyes, "what Panty Man did today isn't your fault." He took my hand and started massaging it again. "You get that, right?"
I watched his fingers rub the palm of my hand and shook my head. "It might not be all on me, Rick, but some of the fault is mine."
I could see that he disagreed with me, but I didn't give him the opportunity to tell me why.
"I was sitting at that bar last night… thinking about whether being happy enough with Mike would work. And at some point, I told myself that it could. Mike didn't check all the boxes but… And even though I was telling myself it could work, that didn't stop me from feeling so incredibly sad and guilty."
Rick had stopped massaging my hand and was now just holding onto it.
"Why did you feel so sad and guilty?" he asked quietly.
"The why doesn't matter," I said, pulling my hand from his again. "The fact that I even felt those things was reason enough for me to end the relationship. I should have ended it. Maybe he wouldn't have followed through with bringing Lori here today."
"I think he would've brought her regardless of that, Michonne. He had a plan."
"Then I should have ended it sooner," I retorted.
"No. You don't get to blame yourself for what happened today," he said, putting an arm around my shoulders. He wrapped his other arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "No one blames you. I don't blame you," he whispered.
No matter what Rick said, I still felt partially responsible for what happened today. I always would.
For the next few minutes, Rick kept his arms around me and we enjoyed a companionable silence. Regrettably, I was going to break it. Our conversation would've eventually worked itself back to Lori, so now was as good a time as any to bring her up.
Before summoning the darkness that liked to loom whenever we discussed her, I took a moment to savor the feel of Rick's arms around me. It would be so easy to snuggle into him and shut everything out for a little while longer, but I couldn't do that.
"She's back," I said.
Rick's entire body tensed.
"She is," he replied, removing his arms from around me.
And the darkness started to creep in.
Rick twisted his wedding ring around his finger with a pensive look on his face. "I need to talk to her."
"Should've thought about that before you threw your phone," I quipped.
"I meant in person, Michonne."
I knew he did. I nervously pulled at the M charm on my necklace, not caring that Nugget had left it sticky.
"I have questions… There are thangs I need to say to her," Rick commented.
Of course he had questions. Of course he wanted to talk to her. That didn't surprise me. But the thought of them being alone together was worrying, to say the least.
My heart started to race.
"She's probably already made herself cozy at the house. So what are you going to do, Rick? Just casually stroll in? Have a little chat over a home-cooked meal and drinks? Reminisce about old times?"
Rick was squinting at me like I'd lost my mind. "That's not exactly how I pictured it, but yeah, I'm gonna head over to the house and talk to her. Do you have a problem with that approach?"
"Yeah, I do," I retorted, starting to get worked up. "Maybe you shouldn't be so accommodating!"
"How am I bein'… Michonne, what do you want me to do? Should I bring Beth with me and let her finish what she started? Cuz that doesn't solve anythang, and that doesn't get me any answers about why she left or why she's here now."
I was too agitated to remain seated. I got up and jogged down the porch steps.
"Michonne," Rick groaned.
"Do what you need to do," I snapped at him from the bottom of the stairs. "Just don't be so fucking naïve about it."
"And now I'm bein' naïve?" he asked, clearly offended by my words.
"She's here to claim what she thinks is hers, Rick. She believes you are hers. She believes Nugget is hers. If you really think she's just here to have a conversation with you, then yes, you're being naïve. And if you really think answers are the only thing you want from her, you're being naïve!" I crossed my arms, feeling my anger bubbling. "And just because you were angry for two seconds for the first time IN A YEAR, let's not forget you're still the same person who made excuse after excuse for her. The same person who fell apart because of her. The same person who couldn't even take care of our son because of her!"
I caught Rick's squint and head tilt combo before I turned my back on him.
Fuck.
I hadn't meant to attack him, but I was afraid. I was afraid that once Lori had Rick alone, she would use their for better or for worse, in good times and bad vows to suck him back in. He was just figuring out his worth without her. Nugget didn't even know her. She didn't deserve them, and they deserved so much better.
Rick came down the stairs and tugged on my hand. I turned to face him, dreading a fight, but the calm in his eyes put me at ease.
"Michonne, when I used to think about this day… Carl's first birthday… it was always with mixed emotions," he said. "It's the anniversary of his birth and of you givin' birth to him, which is everythang, but it's also the anniversary of Lori leavin'."
"I get it, Rick," I mumbled. I'd expected today to be bittersweet for him for all the reasons he mentioned.
"No, Michonne, you don't," he replied, shaking his head. "Today, I didn't have mixed emotions. It didn't feel like some big tragedy that Lori wasn't here. You, Daryl, Gleggie and the Greenes have surrounded Carl with so much love, not just today but for the past year. And there's a guest list full of people who were plannin' on bein' here to celebrate how much they love him too. So when I woke up this mornin', I didn't feel weighed down by Lori not bein' here."
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I searched Rick's eyes, looking for signs of a lie. I found none.
"Seein' Lori was a shock. Knowin' that she screwed up what we all worked so hard to create for Carl…"
His eyes darkened and the veins in his neck started popping before he let out a deep breath.
"Whatever you think is gonna happen between me and her, it's not, Michonne. Yesterday, I said I didn't know how I'd feel if she popped up today. I know now."
He gently cupped my face with both his hands and looked deeply into my eyes.
"I know now," he repeated. "I'm gonna talk to Lori, and if you wanna fight about that, I understand. If you're still mad at me for other thangs and wanna fight about that, I understand. But can I get a rain check on the fight, Michonne? Cuz we've had kind of a crazy day, and I really, really need you right now."
I swallowed hard and ignored the way my mind shouted Mine!
"Ok," I whispered.
"Are we gonna have a problem when I go talk to her?"
"No, Rick," I whispered.
"But?"
"But... just don't talk to her today," I said. "A year ago, she made Nugget's birth day about her. Today can't be about her too. It has to be about Nugget. Can we do that? Make the rest of today about him?"
He smiled and nodded. "We can do that."
"Then I'm with you," I agreed. "And I will issue you that rain check."
"Thank you," he whispered, his eyes lingering on my lips.
I pulled away from him, took his hand and led him back up to the top step of the porch.
"What do you want to do about this party?" I asked after we sat down. "Guests will probably start arriving soon."
"Daryl's on it. He's makin' phone calls and lettin' people know the party's canceled. And Hershel and Annette are turnin' anyone away if they get here before Daryl gets in touch with 'em. We just need to figure out what to do with everythang we set up."
"Maybe we can reschedule instead of flat out cancel?" I suggested.
"Maybe," he sighed. "We'll figure it out."
"Hey, are you two done out here?" Maggie asked, opening the screen door. "This little guy is bein' a stinker and only wants his Dadu and Muhmuh."
"Dadu!" Nugget shouted from Maggie's arms.
Rick took him from Maggie and with the biggest grin said, "Hey, son!"
All traces of cake were gone, and he was once again looking dapper in his birthday formal wear.
"Look at you, buddy," Rick said, checking out Nugget's outfit.
Maggie handed me an ice pack, which I gratefully accepted. Before she headed back inside the house, she looked in the direction of the hayfields.
I caught her eye and mouthed, "He's digesting."
She mouthed, "Shit or get off the pot!"
"Ok, bye, Maggie," I deadpanned.
"What do you think?" Rick asked, bumping my shoulder with his as Maggie went back into the house. "You, me, Carl, your couch, and that cartoon Carl likes so much?"
I smiled and bumped his shoulder with mine. "How about this… First we find your phone, then we make sure everything is squared away here, then we pack up some birthday cake and then we spend the rest of the day on my couch?"
"I like it! Sounds like a plan. Does that sound like a plan, Carl?"
"It!" Nugget shouted.
Oh my God.
"Which direction did you throw your phone, Rick?" I asked, pretending I didn't hear Nugget.
"That way," he said, nodding his head toward the hayfields.
"Where the hay is knee high?!"
He gave me a sheepish look and shrugged.
"Why wouldn't you just throw the phone down, Rick?"
"I'm sorry, Michonne. I'm not as skilled in the art of phone throwin' as you," he deadpanned.
"You know what this means though, right?" I asked, ignoring his comment. "If your phone is broken or we just can't find it, you can finally upgrade!"
He gave me an unimpressed look.
"Wireless charging! A camera with more than two megapixels! Gigabytes of RAM!" I said excitedly. "We can finally play Words with Friends!"
Rick stared at me a beat. "I don't understand anythang you just said. And anyways, when I got my last refurbished phone it was a buy one get three free special. I already have a backup phone."
He laughed when my mouth fell open. "Don't look at me like that, Michonne."
Rick Grimes was something else.
"I'll get Maggie and Beth to help us find your phone. Hand the baby over," I demanded. "I don't want him exposed to your flip phone insanity while I'm gone."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he mumbled, handing Nugget to me.
"Don't worry. I still love you in spite of your shortcomings," I joked, walking into the house.
"Love you, too, Michonne," he said softly.
A/N: Thank you for reading! Please take the time to leave a review. It's appreciated!