CHAPTER 20: THE MISSING THE POINT CLICHÉ
In "Full Metal Alchemist," Ed and Winry start out as childhood friends, the kind who squabble, who care, who have each other's back through everything. Is it any wonder that saving the world was merely a prelude to living happily ever after? The only surprise is that it took so long, although homunculi soul stealing and murder attempts are at least a partial excuse.
Sometimes though, rivalry can prove as big a distraction as a plan to destroy all human life, blinding participants and onlookers to the unresolved, romantic feelings simmering just under the petty ones that rise to the surface first. As Captain Holt in "Brooklyn 99" notes at Jake and Amy's wedding, "It's been a true pleasure to watch your distracting childish rivalry evolve into a distracting childish courtship and now into what I'm sure will be a distracting childish marriage."
MORAL: It's fun to pick up on all the signals our favorite characters miss. It makes up for all the times we've blown right past a few in our own lives.
Atem had expected continued upheavals after his sudden fight and even more abrupt reunion with Kaiba, but everything settled into a routine with surprising swiftness. Atem spent the mornings helping Yugi's grandfather (who showed no sign of being annoyed by his continued presence.) He stopped by Kaiba Corporation in the afternoon, since Kaiba had no concept of what lunch or a break was (much less with using the two words in combination. Then, headed off to meet Yugi after school. Evenings were spent with Kaiba and Mokuba. Weekends were split between his rival and his friends.
Atem took a sip of soda and glanced at Yugi and Anzu, who were sitting across from him in a Burger World booth. The rest of the gang hadn't shown up yet. Atem took another sip. Yugi and Anzu had been the first to arrive all week.
Together.
"I've never had a vacation before or even understood what one was, but that's what this week has felt like. Free, easy, nothing to do, no pressure to do it. It's been… different," Atem said.
"But you've been on vacation before! With us," Anzu protested.
Atem took another sip of his drink. "I was part of Yugi, then. I went where he did."
Anzu looked down and nodded.
"You deserve a real vacation after all this time!" Yugi exclaimed, his smile only slightly forced.
"Exactly! People need time to unwind and figure things out, especially after a big change," Anzu said. She looked at Yugi and added, "There's nothing wrong with that. More of us should try it."
"Of course, there isn't," Atem said, his voice rising slightly at the end, shading his statement halfway towards a question, one that both Yugi and Anzu ignored in favor of staring at each other.
"You're right," Yugi said to Anzu.
Anzu tossed her head. "I'm always right. Now, if only you idiots would listen to me."
Atem finished his soda, wondering if they were all having the same conversation.
The gang arrived in a noisy jumble, scattering his thoughts. "Speaking of vacations," Atem said when everyone had managed to cram into the booth, "Guess what? I'm going to the new KaibaLand. Kaiba has some things to check on there, so me, Mokuba and him are going!"
"Damn! If I ever said you should come to school with us, I take it back!" Jounouchi said.
Everyone laughed. They concentrated on ordering and eating food, interspersed with complaints about school and joking envy at Atem's luck in getting to spend his days at KaibaLand instead of in math class.
Everyone eventually finished eating and talking. They squabbled over the bill, paid, and split up for home. After the flurry of goodbyes, Atem, Yugi and Anzu were the only ones left on the sidewalk.
"I'm going to walk Anzu home," Yugi said.
Atem nodded absentmindedly, his mind on his upcoming trip. They'd both been walking Anzu home all week.
Yugi didn't move. He coughed.
Atem suddenly noticed Yugi was holding Anzu's hand.
"Oh! Right! No problem!" Atem said quickly. "I'll see you when I get back!"
Yugi grinned. "Have fun!"
Atem couldn't resist shouting, "You, too!" as they went in opposite directions.
Atem headed for the Kame Game shop. Kaiba was probably there by now, hanging out with Sugoroku, looking surprised to find himself chatting, as if the scenario didn't repeat itself on an almost daily basis.
Atem had enjoyed the week, just as he'd enjoyed most of his time since their return. But sometimes, like now, when he was alone, he missed the pull of destiny. As pleasant as a vacation was, what was he meant to do once it ended? How did one live without a mission to fulfill? As loudly as he objected to Kaiba's pursuit of an imaginary future that existed on another world with another Seto and Atem, he understood it. There was something terrifying about living goalless. If you went where the wind took you, it could also blow you away.
He picked up the pace. The thought of Kaiba, leaning against his car, smirking as he traded barbs with Sugoroku, was a homing beacon, drawing him onwards.
Sugoroku was sweeping the sidewalk in front of his shop, getting rid of the fallen leaves, when Kaiba's dragon car roared into the spot in front of the store, ignoring the fire hydrant.
Kaiba got out and leaned against his car. Sugoroku walked over and leaned on his broom. "How's letting the future come to you working out?" he asked.
Kaiba shrugged. "Surprisingly well. I don't plan to make a habit of it, though."
"Of course not," Sugoroku agreed.
Kaiba's eyes narrowed. His head swiveled. He watched Atem walk down the street. He was alone. Kaiba pressed his lips together. It wasn't any of his business where Yugi was or why he and Atem weren't glued at the hip as usual.
Atem kissed him on the cheek and bowed to Sugoroku in greeting.
Sugoroku's eyes crinkled. "I bet I can guess where my grandson is."
"Walking Anzu home," Atem confirmed.
Kaiba snorted. "Wow. In another five years he might even ask her out."
"If I remember correctly, we needed interdimensional help and Horathkty's intervention," Atem reminded him.
Kaiba didn't respond unless rolling his eyes and jumping into his car counted. Atem followed and waved to Sugoroku as the dragon car flew off down the street.
Atem had been to the smaller KaibaLand in Domino, but from the fireworks to the rollercoasters to the mascots to the shows – all holographically enhanced – Kaiba's newest park was larger and more magnificent; it had an opulence that echoed back to the monuments of the pharaohs.
Kaiba had a variety of meetings during their stay, usually in the early mornings. He spent the late afternoons and evenings doing what he called spot checks of operations, which, as far as Atem could tell, meant enjoying the rides, striding from attraction to attraction in his Battle City attire, oblivious to the whispers and stares that followed them throughout the park.
Mokuba dropped back to capture the moment and eavesdrop. He caught up to them and snickered. "Everyone's trying to decide if it's really you," the younger Kaiba said to his brother, "or if you're mascots or cosplayers." He snickered again. "Atem tipped the scales towards mascots or cosplayers. He doesn't look enough like Yugi to be the real deal, and everyone figured if he's fake, then so are you. But since we've been cutting to the front of all the lines, they went with hired actors rather than cosplayers."
Atem stopped short. His face crumpled. "They think I'm an imitation Yugi?"
"Uh… yeah, basically."
"A counterfeit?"
"And a bad one at that," Kaiba cackled.
Atem glared at him.
"What? They think we're both impersonators," Kaiba reminded him.
"It's not the same. You're being mistaken for yourself. I'm an imitation person." Atem frowned. He'd once loved being called Yugi's "other me." Why did it bother him now? Why did it feel like he kept moving backwards with each step he struggled to take forward?
"You're wrong!" Kaiba shot back. "You're so much your own person, you can't be mistaken for anyone else, not even the guy you shared a body with." He waved his arms. "Look around! Here's an amusement park full of people confirming your own uniqueness."
Kaiba's words, as tenacious as Kaiba himself, marched in and took hold. Atem smiled. "Thank you."
Kaiba nodded and ducked his head. He started walking again. He grinned as they approached the Blue Eyes White Dragon roller coaster, gleefully noting that Atem and Mokuba barely passed the height requirements.
"You can't win at height. You know that, don't you?" Atem pointed out, in momentary solidarity with Mokuba.
"Of course, I can. I just did," Kaiba answered smugly.
Atem kept up his new hobby of taking snapshots with his phone: Kaiba and Mokuba on rides or playing arcade games, Kaiba laughing uproariously as he pinned Atem in a corner in bumper cars, selfies of himself and Kaiba posing next to the giant Blue Eyes White Dragon statue at the center of the park, Atem smiling into the camera, Kaiba glaring at the lens as if facing an opponent.
Kaiba grumbled at Atem and Mokuba for wasting time and storage space taking pictures of things they could remember perfectly well, but Kaiba got caught by Mokuba's camera as well: resting his head on Atem's, smiling proudly as Atem praised the park's attractions, or – best of all – sprawled sleepily on the hotel couch with Atem leaning against him.
It was in those moments, when he had the proof of his brother's happiness, that Mokuba liked Atem best. He sent Atem the pictures, knowing he would treasure them too.
Atem texted most of the pictures to Yugi, each with a cheesy caption. He left out the ones of him and Kaiba that felt too intimate. That was another surprise, having something too private to share with Yugi.
It was no wonder that his vacation mood had continued, Atem thought lazily as they drifted through the park on their final day. They were at a world-famous vacation spot.
"I don't get it," Atem said as they neared the Blue Eyes White Dragon statue.
"What?" Kaiba asked.
"You designed all of this," Atem said, waving his arm at the attractions surrounding them, at the holographic dragons swooping overhead. "You even hacked your way out of limbo."
"I did need your help on that one," Kaiba conceded.
Atem smirked. "And Horakhty's."
Kaiba growled. "Your point?"
"You're capable of so much! Why does everything – your whole identity – rest on being the Duel Monsters champion?"
"Says the guy who lost a duel and was ready to walk to his death," Kaiba snapped.
"You know it wasn't that simple!" Atem thundered. He drew in a breath and continued more quietly, "Tell me, Seto: why does the one thing left undone weigh so much heavier than all you've accomplished?"
"You're either the best or you're nothing," Kaiba said shortly, automatically.
"I lost a duel. Does that make me nothing? Are you going to chase after Yugi now?"
Kaiba snorted, enjoying the hint of uncertainty – and jealousy – in Atem's question. "Of course not. You're my one and only rival. Beating someone else wouldn't have the same thrill."
Atem smirked. "So, maybe losing isn't a simple matter of being the best or being nothing, after all."
Kaiba pressed his lips together. A dizzying array of sights and sounds flashed across his closed eyes and hammered into his ears, shattering the silence that followed Atem's statement. His nails cut half-moon circles into the palms of his clenched fists as he looked up at a monstrously over-sized Gozaburo and challenged him to a chess match; he swallowed down the unique blend of nausea and dizziness, as Gozaburo's riding crop startled him awake, reminding him there were worse things than a lack of sleep; his Blue Eyes White Dragon disintegrated before his eyes in his first duel with Atem, he relived the penalty game that followed, that continued night after night; he stood at the edge of the castle parapet at Duelists Kingdom, thinking of how tempting, how easy it would be to just lean back, to let the wind and the ground take him; he played his last card in the arena in Pegasus' castle, watched his life points tick down to zero and waited for Pegasus' death blow.
Kaiba's eyes snapped open. He faced Atem. "It's not that simple. It never is."
Atem nodded. "I couldn't find a third way at the Ceremonial Duel, one that let Yugi and me live freely. I never looked because I couldn't see past my own self-imposed blinders." Atem ran his hand down Kaiba's arm. "Neither can you."
Kaiba shook his head in rueful acknowledgement. How had Atem managed to turn the tables on him again?
Atem raised Kaiba's hand to his lips. "Maybe you should treat yourself the way you treat me."
Kaiba returned the gesture then threw back his head and laughed. "Sound advice. I've certainly been told to go fuck myself often enough."
Atem rolled his eyes and gave up as they headed to the water park. He stopped to take some last-minute pictures. Mokuba ran to catch up with his brother.
"You wanted Atem to see all of this," Mokuba said.
"Yes." Kaiba crossed his arms and smiled in satisfaction. "And now he has."
Atem snapped a picture of them smiling at each other and joined them as they went through the arched gate that led to the water park.
Kaiba insisted he preferred the towering magnificence of his dragon roller coasters, where his holograms let you feel like you were diving and soaring alongside his mighty beasts, but there was something about the splash of cool water on heated skin that had Atem's feet headed for the water park at the close of each day.
As impressed as he was with Kaiba's vision, Atem struggled to suppress his laughter every time he entered the water park. Kaiba had outdone himself. From jet skis to log rides, he'd found an inexhaustible number of ways to turn things that should not be dragon shaped into dragons. Kaiba turned his nose up at the lazy river, dismissing it as a boring waste of time, but each night, after the park closed, he could be found in a silver and light blue wetsuit that somehow carried the hint of scales, relaxing on a dragon shaped float as he drifted through the supposedly despised ride.
"You don't think your park is over-dragoned?" Atem suggested, grinning as he floated next to him.
"It's impossible to have too many dragons," Kaiba said firmly.
"You could throw in a Dark Magician or a Kuriboh themed ride."
"It's bad enough we sell plushies of them," Kaiba grumbled.
"Kuriboh is one of our biggest sellers," Mokuba pointed out.
"Among the pre-school set," Kaiba added as the ride ended.
Kaiba's phone rang as they were leaving the park. He usually ignored non-work calls, on the rare occasions he received any, but this was from Isis.
Isis skipped the traditional greetings in favor of asking, "How is the ancient beer revival going?"
Kaiba moved out of earshot and replied, "It's in the fermentation stage. I've been told that agitation is necessary to achieve the desired results."
"Based on my own experiences, I would agree. Are we still talking about beer?"
"What else?" Kaiba asked.
Isis laughed.
"It's been a surprise," Kaiba confessed. "But I doubt you called for a beer update."
"I have a surprise of my own. My brothers and I are coming to Domino."
"Should I alert security?"
"The museum will have plenty. Thanks to your generous donation we were able to finish work on the pharaoh's tomb. We've cataloged the items and curated an exhibit of the unnamed pharaoh, to introduce him to the world and tell his story. Of course, the world will mistake it for myth, but it will be told nonetheless."
"The world frequently mistakes truth for myth and vice versa."
"I decided our first stop should be Domino."
Kaiba's hastily choked off laugh got Mokuba and Atem to look over. "Thanks for the heads up."
"I'm hoping we can see each other."
Kaiba smiled, even though Isis couldn't see it. "I'd like that too," he admitted.
Kaiba put his phone away and walked back to Mokuba and Atem. "Isis is coming to Domino along with those two menaces she calls her brothers."
"It'll be good to see them all," Atem said.
"Even Malik? He almost ruined my tournament with his cheating crew." Kaiba paused and added as an afterthought, "And he tried to kill you four, no, five times if you include him presiding over your attempt at suicide by Yugi."
Atem scowled. "It's in your best interest to concede that people can change."
Kaiba shrugged. "Whatever. You haven't even heard the best part. She's debuting a new exhibit and guess who's the star?"
Atem's eyes widened.
Kaiba laughed. "Got it in one. She's doing an exhibit on the once unnamed pharaoh, telling your story, well, I assume minus the ending where you're living in Domino. She seems confident that even the little bit of truth she's sharing is too fantastic to be believed."
"That's amazing!" Atem said.
"'Hilarious' is the word that springs to mind."
"To have my name spoken again…"
"Spoken?" Kaiba laughed. "You're going to be a world-wide celebrity. Everyone will know your name."
"And to have the items from my old home brought to my new one, to see them through both old and new eyes…" Atem teared up.
Kaiba threw an arm around his shoulder, hugging Atem to him. After a moment, Atem stepped apart, and they exited the empty park; an affection for both of his worlds lingering in Atem's smile.
Atem was glad they returned in time for the weekend so that he could see Yugi without having to wait for the school day to be over.
"I went on a date with Anzu!" Yugi screamed the moment Atem walked through the door.
"That's wonderful!" Atem cheered.
"It was Jounouchi's idea. He said to take Anzu to a horror movie. It worked! When it got scary, she grabbed my arm and buried her head in my shoulder."
"Anzu got scared by a movie?" Atem asked.
Yugi's face twisted into a question mark then smoothed itself out. "I know! Weird, right? Maybe she was just putting on a brave face for the gang when we went to see horror movies before. Anyway, that's not important! I put my arm around her, and one thing led to another and we kissed!"
"Awesome!" Atem said, revising his estimate of Anzu's strategic abilities upwards.
"We're going to a basketball game next! Domino University has a girls' team!"
Atem laughed. "Your main interest in girls' basketball was hoping for a glimpse of Anzu's underwear at recess."
Yugi blushed. "I was just a stupid kid then. I wouldn't do that now."
"What's next, a ballet?" Atem teased.
"Actually, yes. We went to see the costumes for Swan Lake at the museum and now we're going to see the ballet for real. Everyone dies. Anzu said it's amazing."
"Fair enough. Anzu has certainly been to enough of our tournaments," Atem acknowledged.
"That's awful!" Yugi huffed. "I'm not doing it just because it's her turn or something. I want to like everything she likes because I like her. That's what couples do. Swan Lake must be great if Anzu likes it so much."
Atem nodded out of habit, but he couldn't help wondering if he agreed with Yugi. He and Kaiba were mostly into the same things: dueling, games, arguing, sex. Kaiba liked vehicles that went fast; Atem liked riding in them. Their only area of disagreement was the past. Kaiba managed to listen while Atem talked about it; he refused to acknowledge its importance.
Atem and Yugi settled down to play video games, using their reflexes instead of their words. Atem could almost believe they were back together as one. And yet, the question remained: should Kaiba like everything Atem liked simply because Atem liked it? Was that really what couples did? Was Yugi right? Once the answer would have been "Yes." Atem still felt an impulse to agree. He shook it off with an effort.
He loved Yugi, but sometimes it was hard to know who he was when he was around Yugi. It had been easy to declare his independence when he'd been in limbo, or when he was yelling at Kaiba… not just from Yugi, but from all those other selves, even from the pharaoh he'd once been.
But when he was sitting on Yugi's living room floor, with their hands moving in sync on their controllers, it was equally easy to slip back into being Yugi's "other me," to return to a world where disagreement was unthinkable, a world where he had to retrace every painful step taken in limbo to arrive back at himself. "Maybe that's my mission, now," he mumbled.
"Huh? What mission?" Yugi asked.
Atem flushed. "Nothing. I was thinking about limbo."
"You've never really told me what happened. Just bits and pieces."
"I haven't known what to say," Atem admitted. "It was so disturbing. It shook up my ideas of who I was – no, worse – forced me to admit I didn't know. I was hollow inside, a ghost, haunted by more than the mere lack of a body." He shuddered. "We went to a world where I won the Ceremonial Duel. I ruined all our lives by winning and I'd rather be swallowed by Amit than face that world again."
"What happened?" Yugi asked, his eyes wide.
"I kept you from living your own life. The guilt ate at me until I was truly nothing but a shadow, and still I kept you chained, unable to move forward. No one escaped."
Yugi tossed aside his controller, ignoring the game. He hugged Atem. "That must have been terrible. I'm sorry you went through all of that!"
Atem shook his head. "I'm not."
"But It sounds like a horror movie!" Yugi protested.
Atem shuddered again. "Some of it was, I saw a world where I no longer wanted to live, another where Kaiba died jumping off Pegasus' tower. But as awful as those worlds were, as much as I sometimes want to escape the memory of them, we learned something about ourselves and each other with each journey. I'm grateful for that. And there are so many worlds I'm blessed to have caught a glimpse of… seeing all the possible people we could have been, all the different roads we could have taken." Atem chuckled. "We even visited a world where you and Kaiba were best friends."
"I like him. You know that."
Atem smiled, his eyes fixed on another horizon on another world. "Seto retrieved the final Puzzle piece after Jounouchi threw it in the swimming pool."
Yugi's eyes widened. "Kaiba? Why?"
"It was a world where his parents didn't die. You were all friends." Atem chuckled. "He was the star pitcher on your baseball team."
Yugi's voice rose higher. "Kaiba? Playing a team sport?" He paused. "He sounds… nice."
Atem tilted his head to the side. "He was still full of himself… but yes, he was nice as well."
"He should have had that… a home and parents who loved him."
Atem nodded.
"It's so unfair. It's like he got cheated out of being the person he could have been."
"No. He's the Kaiba this world created. He's exactly who he was meant to be."
"Huh? I'm sorry. I didn't mean he should be someone else."
"I think you did," Atem said gently.
"It's just… how can you be okay seeing that… knowing how much better he could have been? How much happier?"
Atem thought of Kaiba, surrounded by a snowstorm of dandelion spores in limbo, defiantly proclaiming that he refused to erase himself. Atem shook his head. It was surprising how often, as Kaiba pinballed his way through life, he managed to stumble into wisdom. Atem had loved every Kaiba he'd met, but only one was his.
He paused, trying to corral his thoughts into sentences. "It's up to us to find our own way, to become our own better version of ourselves. As long as we're alive, as long as our road of battle continues, we can grow and change." Atem's voice grew stronger, more confident. "We should celebrate who we are, instead of mourning some other dimensional might have been. I'd like to believe that anyway." He grinned. "You were the one to teach me that."
Yugi hugged him again, their game forgotten.
.
Thanks to Bnomiko for betaing this chapter!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: It's been a while since the last update. I had some health stuff going on. Thanks to everyone who stuck with the story through the delay!
I tried to figure out if Kaiba would try to go incognito at KaibaLand, but the idea of him, totally oblivious, strolling around in his Battle City get-up and being mistaken for a cosplay version of himself was irresistible! I could also see him treating KaibaLand like his own personal amusement park.
I'm a huge fan of learning to accept the person you are, so when I first wrote the chapter where Seto's parents live, it was important to me that there wasn't a better or a worse Seto - they were each the Setos created by their experiences, and for Seto Kaiba to change into Seto (whatever his original family name was) would be an erasure. Since the second half of the story is partly about Seto and Atem applying (or misapplying) the things they learned, I wanted a chance to reprise what I thought was one of the best realizations they came to.
Stay safe everyone!
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To paraphrase Louise Rosenblatt, "A story's just ink on the page until a reader comes along to give it life." This is my way of saying that I'd really like to hear what you think. Please comment.