Ruby Florabel Branwen-Rose sat in the testing room, half-conscious, filled once again with someone else's blood. How fucked up was it that it was, like, noon?

Apparently she'd fallen right on top of the ruins after blinking off the Nevermore. Well, not literally on top of them— she'd literally fallen into the tree canopy and lost consciousness until she hit the ground— but in the general area. Yang had carried her out. Weiss had grabbed relics for both of them.

Ruby stared at her test.

[SS18] During the First Founding War, General Alphonsus Tessorio became infamous for:

A) His cruel tendencies and violent expansionism

B) His humanitarian efforts throughout Lesser Vale

C) Weiss locking eyes with her as she egregiously moaned into Jaune's mouth

D) His death

Ruby glared. She bubbled B in on her scan sheet.

[LS44] In Vylette Hullard's Where the Collar Meets the Bone, the eponymous 'Bone' is:

A) The narrator's foil

B) The sound Weiss made when Ruby bit down on her neck

C) The narrator's brother

D) The way Weiss slipped her hands into Jaune's hair

Ruby bubbled A. She felt an eye between her shoulder blades.

[GK180] The most populous Grimm in Greater Vale is:

A) The Bilgeling

B) The Lesser Nevermore

C) The salacious line of spittle as Weiss pulled away, leaving Jaune breathless and red-faced

D) The fact Ruby had passed out the moment she saw their lips connect, so all the additional content was of her own jealous making

Jealous? Jealous of what? Ruby scoffed. That bitch? The huge racist? Who was also, uh, ugly? Yeah. As if. Whatever.

"Fuck," she whispered under her breath, doing it before she could catch herself. She locked her jaw forward and stretched to redirect the tic, craning her neck around until it hurt.

Until she could see Weiss. At the back of the class. White-haired, the blue sun of her eye bearing down on Ruby, her bangs covering the other. She didn't flinch at being caught. She smiled. Happily.

Ruby fumed, and not for any good reason. "Fuck," she mumbled, trying to keep the sound to herself. "Fuck, fuck."

Weiss' sound. Of all words, it had to be that one. And she could never hit it.

The question— B, right? Lesser Nevermores were tiny birds; Bilgelings were tiny rats, exterminated with extreme prejudice before they could scourge an area. Tiny birds weren't controlled as tightly, so their population would be bigger, right?

Ruby floundered. She hated floundering. Floundering was the enemy of thought. Floundering was the downfall. Verbs named after such one-dimensional fish shouldn't have so much power.

Ruby's talons scratched the varnished floor. She felt them scrape the material— the marks would be nasty, expensive, she'd get in trouble if she got caught; she would get caught, no doubt, they'd have her seating assignment and they'd see the friggin' scratches, god, she was an idiot.

Ruby cranked her neck around again, anxiously forcing the muscles to find whatever painful spot they wanted to satisfy them. A thick, grotesque pop rang out from the base of her skull.

Weiss bubbled in an answer, double-checked to make sure she hadn't misbubbled, then moved on. She flicked her gaze up to Ruby and smiled again. Ruby whirled back to her test and bubbled in B.

Stressed, anxious, and mentally on her last legs, she was still good enough to test like always. She only had a few left, and it looked like they were two math questions she was 100% sure she didn't know, topped off by a weird one she couldn't place the subject for.

She bubbled C for both the math questions. She didn't even know what knowledge she was missing that would give her the answer, so she didn't waste brain space on it. The last one, however…

[EI110] A Huntsman or Huntress has right to administer lethal force on a Human or Faunus if:

A) The Huntsman or Huntress believes the belligerent's actions to constitute a threat on their life

B) The belligerent is actively endangering lives by permitting Grimm incursion to local populated areas

C) The belligerent makes a personal affront to the Huntsman or Huntress

D) The belligerent in any way obstructs the proceedings of a Hunt in progress

E) All of the above

Ruby blinked. This was the only question to have an 'E' option, but one look at the scan sheet told her that couldn't be right. There wasn't an 'E' to bubble— there wasn't anything. This question wasn't even on there. Which meant…

This was one of those tests.

Well. Whatever. If the headmaster wanted to play mind-games, she would simply not play. Ruby doodled a penis and wrote 'fuk u ozpenis' on the test, because that was probably what Blake would do. She looked over to her right, searching for hot, weird Blake. She found them with ease, glaring down at their test like their gaze would ignite it, but they seemed to be gliding through questions relatively smoothly. They didn't look back.

Ruby sighed, scooping her test and scan sheet up and making loud tchk-tchk noises as she limped across the room. The broken bone in her leg had fused at some point— probably while she was unconscious— and her ribs were no longer stabbing her lungs, but everything still felt awful.

Folding her scan sheet inside the front cover of her test, Ruby slipped the thick packet into the empty, tape-lined square on Goodwitch's desk. Miss Goodwitch, who had been leaning all the way back and balancing a pencil on the tip of her nose, jumped. The pencil clattered loudly to the floor.

"Mis Branwen-Rose, it's been fifty minutes, you have four hours to look over this. Are you sure?"

Ruby shrugged. "Yeah," she whispered, twitching when her throat strangled a quiet "Fuck" out of her as well.

Goodwitch flinched at the curse, her face briefly cresting with rage before dawning realization smoothed that over. "Oh, er, okay," she said, too awkward for a teacher and Huntress of her standing. "Do you need to see the nurse for another transfusion? Before the combat trials, I mean?"

Ruby shook her head, burying her shock that they still intended to have her test without a weapon and with barely-healed bones— it fit the status quo so far. With false brevity, she said: "No. Maybe if I pass out on my own, I won't get beat up!"

Miss Goodwitch flinched at her volume, and Ruby could feel how many people looked up at her from their tests.

"S-sorry," she mumbled, one additional "F-fffu-uck" grinding itself out of her throat and adding to her embarrassment. "I… can I…"

Miss Goodwitch waved towards the door, her face either heart-meltingly sympathetic or eye-gougingly pitying. "Sure, Miss Branwen-Rose—"

"You can call me Miss Rose," Ruby mumbled.

Goodwitch nodded. "Okay. Maybe go get yourself some food." She fished around in her desk and extracted a set of keys, handing them to Ruby. "I've got a mini fridge in my office. Take some protein bars, just leave the keys in there. And get a nap if you can, you look like you need it."

Ruby blinked at this woman who wasn't her mum, certainly wasn't her mom, and definitely wasn't Uncle Tai— well, probably, she was blond, and Ruby had seen those pictures of when they put him in a dress and made him up for prom (and holy crap). Nevertheless, she doubted Uncle Tai would fake his death just to transition into the role of Glynda Goodwitch, who he would've had to kill to replace.

Ruby just wasn't used to that look of matronly care. She looked like she genuinely wanted to help, but she didn't really know how. She looked like she felt bad for Ruby— pitying, yes, but Ruby was pitiful. She even felt bad for drawing that penis on her test; it was probably Goodwitch who graded these first.

Then she remembered who hadn't stopped Ozpin from giving her those papers. She hadn't been there, no, but that was because she'd left this obviously sketchy dean in a room alone with a drugged girl. Ruby wondered if they assumed she didn't remember.

Snatching the keys, Ruby stormed out of the classroom.

Ruby bit into a cookie dough protein bar. It was hard from being in the fridge, which was a little weird, but Ruby found herself appreciating the cold feeling in her mouth.

"Fuck," she said loudly, casually, letting her throat come alive for it. It felt better— not right, but better. "Fuck."

She repeated it between chews as she plopped into Goodwitch's plush office chair. Feeling spicy, she actually tried all the professor's drawers, but they were invariably locked— which she quickly realized she had the key for. She eventually opened the main one, finding a bunch of stationery, some miscellaneous paperwork, and an old Huntress Weekly magazine with faded colors. Miss Goodwitch starred on the cover, complete with her stern librarian look, flashing her riding crop to the camera. She looked a little younger— missing the lines at the corners of her mouth and the emerging crinkle of her eyes— probably in her early or mid-thirties. Bold text highlighted her stunning record, and there were even some action shots from when she fought one of the Ur-Drakes.

Ruby generally wasn't a person who did much sneaky-type crime like this— snooping and such. Mom had always said she'd be in big trouble if she got caught for 'a coward's crime' (like theft), with the hand-wavey implication that a 'warrior's crime' (like murder, so long as it was from the front) might actually earn Raven's respect. Mum vilified this, and encouraged Ruby to— if she felt the need to 'crime it up', as mum had said— steal things like batteries or lipstick from the local grocery store.

Uncle Tai, from the normal side of his personality, had advised: 'Ruby, don't… don't do that. Don't do either of those things, any of them, both your mothers are… goddammit, I'm gonna have to have a talk with them. Don't do crimes, Ruby. You're six.'

Sometimes, having two moms and Uncle Tai was like having two irresponsible dads, plus one almost-responsible mom. The mom being Tai, of course.

Ruby ignored Uncle Tai's advice, doing a few more vocal tics— 'Fuck!'s and 'Caw!'s, mostly— as she continued to rummage around in Goodwitch's desk despite how icky it made her feel inside. Using the moment to pass the time and alleviate her pre-combat trial boredom, Ruby collated the items in a mental bulleted list:

Glynda Goodwitch's Top-Right Drawer (Wide, Thin)

-Leather-bound Planner, contains such riveting reminders as 'TAXES', 'RESTOCK', 'PAYDAY', 'HAIRCUT', 'OZ HAIRCUT', and 'SALON DAY W/ SHELLY'.

-Professor Ozpin was apparently a human being with growing hair, which for some reason made Ruby hate him more.

-The 'SALON DAY' had an additional note: 'Glynda, you're a grown woman, do not let him strongarm you out of this; you put in your time, he approved it, if he starts being a bitch it is his fault!'

-How the heck did Miss Goodwitch write so small?

-Six pencils

-One normal pen

-One bougie pen

-Three tubes of lipstick

-Red matte

-Pink matte

-Neon green (glossy)

-What?

-The mental image.

-What would she even wear this for?

-Over-the-counter pain meds

Glynda Goodwitch's Bottom-Right Drawer (Big, Square)

-Folders divided A-Z.

-'R' did not contain Ruby's folder.

-'B' did not contain Ruby's folder. It did contain Blake's.

-Yang's folder was in 'X'.

-Weiss' folder was in 'S'.

Ruby yanked Weiss' folder out like it was a loose tooth and slapped it down like it was a piece of ham (no, c'mon, like a piece of sliced ham, it's not that weird, it makes a funny noise!), her hands hungrily parting the manilla cover to satisfy her eyes' desire.

Weiss Schnee was about a year older than Ruby— a summer baby, inferior to Ruby's autumnal birthday. Weiss Schnee was born in Atlas. Weiss Schnee was four feet, eleven inches tall.

"Short ass," Ruby snorted. She continued reading.

Weiss Schnee only had heterochromia by circumstance; her eye color was listed as 'blue', with two notes: 'condition expresses through the eyes' and 'left eye damaged in accident'. Weiss Schnee had white hair. Weiss Schnee's blood was compatible with Ruby's.

Weiss Schnee had somatic animaphagia. Weiss Schnee was not born with somatic animaphagia. Weiss Schnee had lost her mother in a car accident.

Ruby slammed the folder shut. This wasn't fun. It felt wrong. She felt like trash from tip to toe. Placing the folder back where she got it, Ruby decided to lock things up and leave. She felt dirty, like some peeping tom, raking through her own partner's personal information without her knowledge or consent— bitch or not, no part of stalking Weiss' bio felt good.

Ruby locked all the drawers and left the keys on the table, taking another protein bar on her way out. She wandered the halls mostly aimlessly, taking a break in a bathroom far-off from the testing room so that she could tic out in peace for a few minutes. After that, she just roamed around the hallways adjacent to the testing room. No one came out for a good few minutes.

The first person Ruby found wandering was Blake.

"Blake!" Ruby squeaked, unreasonably happy for someone she didn't know well at all. She jogged up to them, beaming, giddy in her chest. "Hi! Thanks so much for helping back there."

Blake waved her off coolly. "Shit, I didn't do anything. Yang did all the carrying, lol."

God, the way they said acronyms was so stupid but so cool. "W-well, yeah, but… whatever! Thanks for being my sister's partner then, I guess."

"Someone had to do it," Blake said like the cool (hot) person they were. "She's cool tho. Hella jokes, some of them not painfully cringe."

Ruby nodded at the assessment of her sister. "That sounds about right. Did you guys fight anything?"

Blake shrugged. "Nah. A few Beowolves, a Boarbatusk, some Ursas, but I heard you fought a fuckin' Wendigo," they said, jabbing an almost-accusatory finger into Ruby's shoulder. "And I saw whatcha did to that Nevermore. What the hell is wrong with you two?"

"Us… two?" Ruby asked, cringing, because she knew what they meant but thinking about Weiss with Blake in front of her was… it was bad! It sucked! It was bad enough that Ruby didn't even have any similes to compare it to! Bad! Sucks! Lame!

"You and loose-lips," Blake snarked. "Be glad you conked tbh, Weiss… with Jaune… god, it was like two horses sharing a jar of peanut-butter. Eugh."

And there went every ounce of attraction Ruby would possibly ever feel for anything, shriveled up, desiccated, wrought to nothing but ash and long-forgotten melancholy. She took a vow of celibacy right then and there, pending whenever she forgot about what Blake said and could find them hot again. But, at least for that moment, Ruby became loveless dust.

"Thanks, Blake," she said in tones of the sepulcher, massaging her temples as if she could force the image out. "I really appreciate you putting that in my head. God."

Blake snorted. "What, did you like her or something?"

Ruby prayed— genuinely prayed, because all those years as a devout Second had to give some kind of sway upstairs— for death, right then and there. An anvil or piano, right on top of her head. Another Greater Nevermore. A million lightning strikes. Some kind of divine intervention— screw it, eldritch intervention, if it was free at the moment. Anything that would end her suffering and free her of this forever-long moment.

Ruby, to her intense chagrin, did not spontaneously die. "Yeah, Blake," she said, deadpan. "Sure. I like the friggin' Fourth. What, did you think I passed out because I was swooning with jealousy? I have anemia, dude, and I'd just been attacked by a Wendigo, exploded, scooped into the frickin' stratosphere, then dropped several heights."

Blake raised their hands, grinning disarmingly. Ruby rolled her shoulders.

"How'd it go?" Ruby asked after a sec. "Last one was weird, huh?"

Blake shrugged. "Not really? I mean, they gave us calculators."

Ruby blinked. "You mean—"

The doors of the testing room opened like floodgates, surging with humans that all smelled like sweat, forest, and pencil shavings as the cascade of average-speed test-takers submitted their packets and left. Yang jogged by and pulled Ruby into a half-hug, her other arm going around Blake's shoulders and bringing them all close.

"Phew!" Yang exclaimed. "Hot-damn, that sucked absolute dog ass! Shit, I hate testing. You guys do good?"

Ruby shrugged herself out of the hug with a burgeoning smile. "Won't know till we get the scores," she said, like she always did, before adding: "Thanks again for not, y'know, leaving me to die in the forest. I know I'm not heavy, but—"

"Nope! Won't hear it! I love you and I would literally kill everyone in this room if you asked, carrying is nooooo-biggie." Yang straightened up, her arm still around Blake's shoulders. "Plus, you do have your own partner, even skinny Miss Slop would carry you— Fourth Archvists may be the worst, but you can say they're disloyal."

Ruby short-circuited. "Skinny… Miss… Slop?"

"Y'know," Yang insisted, her freehand doing an ungodly gesture into her mouth, which Blake rightly flicked her for. "What! Oh come on! I've never seen two people kiss like they were trying to deep—"

Blake, Ruby's hot/weird god/goddess (feminine-presenting deity?) who never did anything wrong, palmed Yang's mouth to suppress whatever damnable thing could start with deep. Ruby could interpolate herself, of course, but the conceptual curse of that idea on her mind wasn't as real as the curse of its title would be to Ruby's sweet, innocent ears.

Keeping their hand over Yang's mouth, the tall hotness of Blake scanned over the students' heads. "Speaking of, where is the little fascist?"

Ruby watched her sister's jaw flex as she definitely licked Blake's palm, only for Blake to have zero outward reaction aside from a raised, unimpressed brow. "W—" ew, no, even the idea of Weiss' name felt like vomit in Ruby's mouth. "My partner?" Ruby asked instead.

Blake nodded, giving one last searching look before deciding the crowd of students was too thick. They turned to their own partner, who pleaded to Blake with lilac puppy-dog eyes. "Do not fucking say it," Blake warned. "If I let you go and you say it, I'm gonna beat your ass."

Yang, still doing the begging thing with her eyebrows, nodded, mumbling something into Blake's palm with as many syllables as 'I promise'.

Blake stared warningly. Slowly, they removed their palm

Yang breathed a sigh of relief. Then, just as Blake's shoulders started to relax, she lunged back and cupped her hands around her mouth, forming a megaphone as she announced: "Deepthroating each other's tong—"

Blake rammed into her. Yang scrambled. Like a non-murderous version of Ruby's and Weiss' initial scrap, they tumbled away until Yang separated and Blake started chasing her. They disappeared around a corner.

Ruby stood there. After about a minute, she started scratching the floor. Slowly, the crowd of finishing students thinned. When the last trickle started to come out, Ruby peered around through the door's opening.

Weiss was still in the back, glaring at the test. Her hands were on her head, fingertips digging into her temples so hard they turned red. Ruby watched another student turn their test in— the ginger girl from earlier— before the door closed. As she came out, the open door allowed Ruby to see Jaune turning his own test in. He held the door wide open as he exited, looking over his shoulder at Weiss.

Ruby could see the room was completely empty, now, all except for her partner. Weiss didn't look up at them. She just stared at her test, holding her pen like it had killed her… mom…

Jaune left. As the door swung shut, Ruby caught a last glimpse of her partner. It was at the perfect moment for her to see Weiss' pen breaking, coating her hand in black.

"Good," Ruby's mouth said. "Fuck her."