Hello~~
Thanks for all those checking this story out, it's truly fun to write. I'm so bad at authors notes but just know that I appreciate you all :P
feedback is also welcomed, insights and all the nine yards.
Judith heard soft giggling on the bunk below her and she tensed. Sleep wasn't coming to her and so she took to playing with the edge of her blanket, waiting for it, staring at the stuffed rabbit leaned up against the wall. The giggling and whispering continued and Judith rolled onto her back, frowning at the ceiling and gradually growing annoyed. She shared a room with three other aides who Madame Gertie referred to as 'Seedlings'; they were meant to shadow and learn until their own coming of age ceremony.
This time she closed her eyes hoping her body would do the rest and the noise would soon fade but still sleep didn't come. In the back of her mind she tried not to worry about Miss Michonne harboring a strange man in her room and the thought of Madame Gertie finding out.
"It's sad" Judith heard someone whisper, eyes opening. "How can she be more popular than Miss Jessie?"
"She is so unladylike, I don't know what anybody sees in her, Miss Yumiko is clearly more graceful and vibrant" someone else scoffed.
"She just causes trouble"
"She's not even pretty"
Judith felt her chest clench because she knew who they were scorning; how could she not? It was always the same everywhere and from everyone and it made her feel angry that they couldn't see how much Miss Michonne had to endure, how miserable she truly was. They didn't see her cry into her pillow most nights, panic or worry about what else there was or wasn't. They didn't know of her dreams, her smart mind, any of it. They couldn't see how amazingly different she was to everyone else; if Judith had to describe it it was like a sunflower proudly being itself and soaking up all the light while the smaller ones were dimmed out and were bitter because of it.
"I went to the bathroom earlier and I heard yelling coming from her room" a snicker drifted up.
Judith's ears perked up then and she pushed up on her elbows.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I didn't want to get caught so I only heard a little bit but Madame Gertie sounded angry, apparently she might be pregnant!" A collective gasp followed.
"I guess there's going to be a new top flower, now. Miss Jessie says no one sees value in a pregnant woman" one of them said.
Judith felt something odd in her chest and without warning she rolled over and dropped to the floor below, startling the three girls. She stared at them, not breaking eye contact with the one in the middle; Genie, the seedling of Miss Jessie—a desired flower because of her demure and sweet act. But Judith knew better, she always did. She couldn't condemn them for taking pride in their flower, because she would harp praise about her own in a heartbeat but a seedling reflected their flower and she would not let them disrespect hers like that.
"Keep Miss Michonne out of your mouth" she said in warning.
Genie grinned and lifted her head haughtily. "And if I don't? It isn't a secret that you aide a lunatic"
"I said what I said" Judith wouldn't back down, Miss Michonne wouldn't.
Genie stood from the bed, the other girls looking on amusingly, expecting a show. Only one looked on nervously and that was Gracie; Miss Sasha's old seedling and the owner of the lower bunk. Judith had only talked to her a handful of times and they got along well since their flowers were once inseparable but they've drifted since Sasha left and she was assigned to another.
Genie was heads taller than Judith and two years older at nine. Judith has always been small for her age on account of malnutrition as diagnosed by Dr. Saddiq when she first arrived and although she'd gotten proper meals since then, with the strict diet Madame Gertie curated, it wasn't enough to bolster an even growth.
"Your flower will one day be crushed under my lady's foot and there is nothing you can do about it" Genie glowered at her and snickers followed, though Gracie kept quiet.
"If she keeps pushing Madame and acting like a rogue mutt she'll be nothing more than a street walker and leave you behind and then you'll be less than nothing" Genie stepped closer, bearing down on her. "You won't be able to flaunt being the seedling to Wysteria's most popular flower anymore"
Judith held her ground and eyed her back, head held high. "If she leaves, this place will crumble like it should," she said.
Genie scoffed. "If she leaves Miss Jessie will lead this place better than yours ever could"
"Miss Jessie is nothing but a two faced woman!" Judith closed even more spaces and glared up, not willing to wilt.
Genie reached out and Judith stumbled back a few steps. "Say that again" she frowned.
"Guys" Gracie's light tone interjected and she finally stood, having seen enough. "Stop, Madame might hear you and come check and then we will all be in trouble" she stood between them with her arms out.
"It's her, Grace. She acts all high and mighty just because she thinks she got lucky as Miss Michonne's seedling" Genie crossed her arms. "But really the two are just a bunch of nuisances"
Judith balled her fists. "At least Miss Michonne doesn't ruin herself with drugs under Madame's nose. I wonder who will be the street walker if she finds out?" She then turned and brushed past Gracie and out the door, knowing 'last light' had ended. Madame always left Michonne for last like a predator playing with their food.
Judith took a deep breath until she wasn't vibrating with the need to fling her fists wildly forward anymore. Judith hated it here and yet she knew she couldn't leave without remembering that she had nothing. She was three when they found her huddled in blankets on the front steps, weak and hungry and sick; she could barely remember a silhouette of a person shushing her crying before they disappeared. The first time she met Miss Michonne was two years later when she was sitting on her own under a tree while the other seedlings played in the backyard, a picture book taken from the library over her lap as she tried to read unsuccessfully.
"Can you read it?" The voice was soft and low and Judith had found herself looking at a beautiful lady approaching her. By then she'd seen a lot of the pretty woman known as flowers but she was different and it wasn't just her pretty dark skin, it was her kind smile and soft brown eyes when she knelt to her level.
Judith watched her and the lady waited patiently, head tilting a bit. "The book" she gestured after a moment, "can you read it?" Judith shook her head slowly, still awestruck by her flowing blue dress with white flowers and long, twisty hair.
"Want me to teach you?" She asked.
Judith had looked at the book and its words and then back at the woman and nodded shyly, cheeks blooming red and the woman laughed. She got to the grass and Judith remembered frowning at her dress getting dirty until she saw the calmness on the woman's face.
"Come" she patted her lap and looked at her. Judith hesitated, none of the other flowers and seedlings were this nice to her and Madame made it clear that they needed to do things on their own once they learned the ropes so she was a bit wary but the woman smiled softly.
"Don't worry, cutie, I won't tell" she patted her lap again with a chuckle.
Judith moved slowly, still unsure as she walked over and gingerly planted herself in the woman's lap. Immediately she felt warmth line her back and then surround her when the woman reached around to hold the book open for them both.
"Comfy?"
Judith nodded.
"Good" and then she began reading to Judith slowly, pointing to every word and having her repeat after her. Judith didn't know she was smiling until her cheeks hurt and a soft kiss pressed against her forehead.
Back in the dim hallway, the anger left her body and replaced it with sadness. She had no mother or father or any relatives she knew of, all she had was Miss Michonne who offered her such soft smiles and gentle touches and warm words, who had hugged her tightly the first day she was finally assigned to her. Miss Michonne who snuck her extra cookies on snack day or left a chunk of her meal on her plate and slid it to her after hers went empty. Miss Michonne who let her draw at her center table and used some of her monthly allowance to buy her crayons and paints. She had taught Judith everything she knew, everything that mattered.
Genie's words wouldn't leave her head. Judith knew once Miss Michonne left there would be no one and nothing else and she'd be all alone for good. The thought caused Judith's chest to hurt and she clutched at it, her loose hair falling around her face. Tears fell to the floorboards and created dark spots, would Miss Michonne leave her and not look back? She shouldn't be this attached to her flower, admiring and prideful, yes, but something about Miss Michonne made her feel safe and drawn in a way she'd never known.
Judith straightened, pulling in a shaky breath. She began walking down the narrow corridor, coming to the more vast landing where a wooden railing wrapped around and doors followed it along the walls. On the far right was a break in the railing where stairs went down and on her left she looked at a short corridor that would lead to the familiar door with Miss Michonne's name intricately carved into it much like the others. It was tucked away as to show isolation and preference all at once.
She made her way to Miss Michonne's door and knocked in a rhythm they made up for themselves, especially for secret meetings like this. After a moment of no answer she was about to knock again when the door slowly opened to reveal a pair of intense blue eyes that had Judith stepping back a bit. Recognition soon flowed between the two and the strange man stepped aside and she hesitated before stepping through and he closed the door softly.
She stood there awkwardly, looking around feeling as if the room's atmosphere had changed since she was last inside. Why had he answered, where was Miss Michonne?
"She's in the bathroom" he said when she turned, knowing her mind already and she clamped her mouth shut as she eyed him. Something flashed over his face as he looked into the direction of the bathroom but it was gone before she could read it and he looked back at her, his gaze seemed less intense.
"I think she could use you," he said simply.
"What happened?" Judith asked.
He shook his head. "Let her" he said and went to the sitting area, lying on the sofa as if he'd claimed it.
Judith looked at him confusedly and then the words from Genie came floating back and then she rushed to the bathroom. Giving their secret knock a bit more urgently than before so she would know it was her and not the strange man trying to come in, and also because she really needed to see her. The door creaked open slightly and as soon as Judith caught sight of her red eyes and saddened gaze, she pushed the door open further and rushed in, wrapping her arms around the woman tightly.
"I'm here," Judith whispered to her. She heard the door close and noted that the door hadn't been locked when toned arms wrapped around her and engulfed her in warmth and she sighed. She felt the arms grow tighter and so did hers, the two clung to each other and sunk to the floor.
"I'm sorry" Judith heard after a moment. "My burdens can't be yours," she said.
"They aren't," Judith said quietly, shaking her head as much as she could, being smushed into her skin. "They haven't, they won't" she reassured.
"My tears can't be yours" Michonne brushed her hair out of her face and Judith pulled back and they looked at each other. Miss Michonne was beautiful as always but it hurt to see her so distraught. Her eyes glittered with tears and Judith reached forward with her hand and brushed away the ones that spilled.
"I know, my tears are only for me" Judith sniffled and Michonne smiled, taking her hand and resting it over her heart. Judith felt the calming beats and closed her eyes. She then felt Miss Michonne rub at her tearful cheeks and run her hand through her hair, hugging her close again.
"What did you hear?" she whispered.
"Stupid things"
Miss Michonne hummed.
"What did she do?"
"…Stupid things"
Judith hugged her impossibly tight. She knew, she always did. She never wanted to stop knowing because that would mean Miss Michonne had no one. Judith pulled back once more and grabbed at Miss Michonne's hand, bringing it above her own heart and the pretty smile that blossomed filled Judith with relief. Miss Michonne closed her eyes, much like Judith always did and felt her life thrum. It's how they felt close when words would be too much.
"You okay now?" Judith asked softly.
Miss Michonne opened her eyes. "Yes"
"I'm glad," Judith smiled. "Me too"
Miss Michonne eyed her then stood them up. She cupped Judith's face gently. "My loving girl" she kissed her forehead and Judith relished in that familiar warmth, like it was growing and growing until she would burst.
She held onto Judith's hand and they exited the bathroom. They both looked toward the sofa to see the strange man's outline. The two walked over and heard soft snoring as they got closer, seeing the man stretched out on his back, one hand draped over his stomach and the other behind his head, sleeping.
"His name is Rick, that's all I know" Miss Michonne said and Judith nodded slowly. She observed the man whose torso was still naked and seemed less tense from when he'd woken up.
"We are safe for now," Miss Michonne told her. "He's still recovering, let's let him rest a bit more"
Judith was pulled away and toward the bed, she caught sight of the dress Miss Michonne was wearing earlier, ripped and tossed over the other sofa. The two climbed on the bed and sat crossed legged, facing each other and once again the woman was eyeing her gently before tucking a few strands of hair behind Judith's ear and running her thumb along a tear streaked cheek.
"Jude…I promised to sneak him out after midnight" she revealed.
Judith's heartbeats quickened and she looked at her with wide eyes. "But—"
"I know," Miss Michonne sighed. "It won't be easy, not with Madame's look outs"
Judith swallowed nervously and looked down at her hands. "She'll be more than angry if she catches you" she said meaningfully.
Miss Michonne's thumb still stroked her cheek. "She's never not" was her simple response. Her hand dropped and caught Judith's smaller one.
Judith looked up at her and squeezed her hand. "Do you have a plan?"
"…that is the plan" Miss Michonne chuckled quietly before she looked away, clearly saddened.
"The other night I was looking for a way to finally leave until I was sidetracked" she glanced at the man, Rick, and then her eyes caught Judith's who felt as if her heart was trying to burst out her ears.
"I'm…" she started but then sighed. "I'm leaving with him," she breathed.
Judith felt her stomach plummet. "Y-you…what?"
Michonne pulled her into her lap and stroked her hair soothingly. Her affections felt so far away where it had grounded them both just moments ago. Genie's words echoed like a siren and it made her want to cover her ears. She couldn't stave off the sinking feeling of worry, panic and hurt passing through her like arrows.
"I don't belong here, Jude. Neither of us had a choice but I know you'd be safe here—" she began but Judith pulled out of her embrace.
"No!" Her voice came out harshly and Miss Michonne looked at her incredulously. "You can't!"
"Jude.."
She shook her head frantically. "No! You can't go, you can't leave" she gripped Miss Michonne's skirts.
The two looked over abruptly when they heard Rick groan and they were met with sleepy blue eyes. Judith didn't let go of Miss Michonne even when they stared at each other.
"Shouldn't it be time we go?" Rick sat up, yawned and looked at them, clearly seeing both their sullen faces and not wanting to pry into what went on while he was sleeping but he needed to leave and now.
Miss Michonne moved to leave the bed but Judith doubled down. "No!" She said with conviction, "you can't take her from me!" She glared at the man who seemed to be changing everything so suddenly.
Rick's eyebrow went up and he looked at Miss Michonne who looked torn. She got to her feet and then turned to look at Judith who scooted to the edge of the bed, tears already building.
"The outside is dangerous" Miss Michonne said and Judith nodded, wiping at her eyes, "and if we escape I won't ever be coming back here"
"I don't wanna be here" she said truthfully. "Not without you"
Miss Michonne's gentle hands found her hair again and brushed it back. "I've told you, I don't want my burdens to be your and I don't want your tears to be for me"
"I know," Judith sniffled, looking down but not letting go off of the hand she'd latched on to.
Miss Michonne lifted her chin so she could look into her eyes and Judith saw a small smile. She lifted the hand Judith held onto and made it so the small girl placed it on over her heart like before and Judith closed her eyes, using the steady beats to calm down.
"Truthfully I know you'd be safer here even if you don't end up becoming a flower, but the selfish part of me also knows that you've been like a lifeline for me, so important, my loving girl" Miss Michonne said softly.
Judith blushed, her panic reducing as those honest eyes regarded her. "You know I've only been trouble" she chuckled, "and yet…" she sighed.
"Come with me" she whispered and suddenly all that weight fell off her shoulders like mist. Judith stared at her.
"While I don't know what life is ahead of me, I selfishly want you in it" she said, gaze so soft and warm and Judith knew this was probably what it was like to have someone care about you so genuinely, like the parents in her picture books or the adventurous siblings in the chapter books Miss Michonne was teaching her. She's never known until now but she too selfishly wanted to be in Miss Michonne's life forever.