"What's My Line"
Based on the Episodes "What's My Line (Part 1)" Written by Howard Gordon and Marti Noxon and "What's My Line (Part 2)" Written by Marti Noxon
The following story is copyright © 2022 by Mark Moore.
At Sunnydale High School, the career fair was going on in the lounge. Tara walked into the hall from outside and looked around at some of the displays being set up on her way to sign up for the career aptitude test. Buffy, Amy, and Katrina were already sitting at a table, filling out their tests. Tara headed for their table with a test to join them.
Tara sat down and kissed Buffy on the lips. "Hi."
Buffy smiled. "Hi."
Tara started filling out her test. "I'm kinda curious to find out what sort of career I could have."
Cordelia had a clipboard and was taking her test as she walked into the lounge, accompanied by two of her groupies.
"'I aspire to help my fellow man.'" Cordelia marked her test. "Check. As long as he's not smelly, dirty, or something gross."
"Do I like shrubs?" Buffy wondered out loud.
Amy looked at her. "That's between you and your god."
Buffy looked at Katrina. "What'd you put?"
"I came down on the side of shrubs."
"Go with shrubs! Okay!" Buffy marked her answer, frustrated. "Uhhh! I shouldn't even be bothering with this. It's all mootville for me. No matter what my aptitude test says, we already know my deal. Pointy wooden things..."
"Then why are you even taking the test?" Amy asked her.
"It's Principal Snyder's hoop of the week. He's not happy unless I'm jumping. Believe me, I would not be here otherwise."
"You're not even a bit curious about what kinda career you could've had?" Katrina asked her. "I mean...if you weren't already the Slayer and all."
"Do the words 'sealed in fate' ring any bells for you, Trina? Why go there?" Buffy asked her.
Katrina was hurt by that comment.
Buffy was ashamed of herself. "I'm sorry, it's just...unless Hell freezes over, and every vamp in Sunnydale puts in for early retirement, I'd say my future is pretty much a non-issue."
Tara put a comforting hand on top of Buffy's hand. "Only if you allow it to be, sweetie."
That night, Buffy and Cordelia walked through the cemetery at a relaxed pace. They paused for a moment but continued on, scanning the graveyard around them as they went. They stopped again when they heard clinking noises coming from a mausoleum. They looked at it and saw light coming from inside. They walked over to it, pushed the door open a bit, and peeked in. A man with glasses was chipping away at the wall, exposing a chamber behind it. He reached in for something as Buffy and Cordelia pulled their heads back out and closed the door. They walked down the steps and turned around to wait for him to come out.
A few moments later, the man opened the door and stepped out.
"Does 'rest in peace' have no sanctity to you people?" Buffy asked him.
He bared his fangs.
Buffy frowned. "Oh, you're not a people."
Another vampire came up behind her. She sensed him, turned around, and kicked him in the gut, then the jaw, then again in the gut. He took a swing at her, but she grabbed his arm and punched him twice in the face. He swung at her with his other arm, but she ducked and caught it, too. She yanked it back, snapping it. While she had him leaning back, Cordelia thrust a stake into his back, hitting his heart. Buffy let his body fall to the ground.
"One down." Buffy turned and saw the other vampire missing. She looked around but saw no sign of him anywhere. "One gone." She looked at Cordelia. "Cordy, why didn't you get the other guy? He looked like a nerd. I could have handled this guy on my own."
Cordelia frowned at her. "You're welcome."
Buffy and Cordelia went to Buffy's house, grabbed some drinks from the fridge, and went up to Buffy's room. Angel was there, waiting and looking into Buffy's bookcase. Angel took her stuffed pig from the shelf. Without a word, Buffy tossed her bag loudly onto the floor.
Angel turned around, startled. He gently squeezed the pig. "Buffy! You scared me."
"Now you know what it feels like, Stealth Guy." Buffy crouched down by her bag and reached into her hair to pull out a few clips. "Just dropping by for some quality time with Mr. Gordo?"
Angel was confused. "Excuse me?"
"The pig." Buffy opened her trunk and dumped the bag in.
"Oh." Angel chuckled. "I, uh..."
"What's up?" Buffy walked to her desk.
"Nothing." Angel tossed the pig onto a chair, walked to the foot of her bed, and sat down.
Buffy dropped her hair clips into a desk drawer and faced him. "Only you don't have a nothing face. You have a something face. And you don't have to whisper. Mom's in L.A. till Thursday. Art buying or something."
"I wanted to make sure you two were okay. I had a bad feeling."
Buffy sighed. "There's a surprise. Angel comes with bad news."
Angel sighed and turned away, tired of the same old reaction from her.
"I apologize on behalf of my so-called friend." Cordelia walked over to him and sat next to him on Buffy's bed. "She's been Miss Cranky Bitch all day. It's not you."
Angel looked at Buffy. "Well, what is it then?"
"It's nothing."
Angel wasn't buying it.
Buffy sighed. "Uh, we're having this thing at school."
"Career week?" Angel asked.
Buffy was surprised. "How did you know?"
"I lurk."
Buffy was creeped out. "Right. Well, then you know it's a whole week of 'what's my line', only...I don't get to play. Sometimes, I just want a normal life. Like I had before. I wish I could be a regular kid."
Cordelia saw a picture on her desk, stood up, walked over, and picked it up. It was of Buffy and Dawn as children on ice skates.
"Was this part of your normal life?" Cordelia asked her.
"Oh, my God." Buffy laughed. "Our Tonya Harding phase. Our rooms in L.A. were pretty much shrines. Wall-to-wall Tonya posters. We even got the Tonya haircut, thereby securing places for ourselves in the Geek Hall of Fame."
"Hmm, you wanted to be like her?" Cordelia asked.
"We wanted to be her. Our parents were fighting all the time, and skating was an escape. We felt safe."
"When was the last time you put on your skates?" Cordelia asked her.
Buffy inhaled and slowly exhaled. "Oh, shit, I dunno. About a couple of hundred demons ago."
Angel stood up and stepped close to them. "There's a rink out past Route 17; it's...closed on Tuesdays."
Buffy looked at him in confusion. "Tomorrow's Tuesday."
Angel stared at Cordelia. "I know."
Cordelia was turned on. She looked at Buffy. "Teach me to skate."
Buffy raised her eyebrows. "O...kaaay."
The next day, at school, Cordelia and Buffy were going over the results of the career aptitude test posted on a bulletin board in the quad.
Cordelia found herself on the A-D list. "Oh, here I am. 'Personal shopper or motivational speaker.' Neato!"
"Motivational speaker? On what? Ten ways to a more annoying you?" Buffy asked her.
Cordelia found Buffy's results. "Oh, what about you? You're..." She giggled and left.
"What?" Buffy frantically looked herself up. "What?!"
Tara, Amy, and Katrina walked out of the building and stared across the quad.
Buffy met up with them. "Wouldn't you three say you know me about as well as anyone else? Maybe even better than I know myself?"
"What's this about?" Tara asked her.
"When you look at me, do you think 'police officer'?" Buffy asked. "They just put up the assignments for the career fair. They assigned me to the booth for law enforcement professionals."
Tara, Amy, and Katrina looked at each other.
Katrina looked at Buffy. "It makes a certain amount of sense, if you think about it."
Amy nodded and looked at Buffy. "I agree."
Buffy thought about it, shrugged, and nodded. She spotted Giles walking along with a tall stack of old books in his arms.
Buffy frowned. "Giles is on this Tony Robbins hyper-efficiency kick. Expects me to check in every day after homeroom." She kissed Tara on the lips and walked off after Giles.
Tara, Amy, and Katrina walked over to the bulletin board.
Amy checked for her name. "'Culinary arts.'"
"Mmmm, you're definitely good at that, babe." Katrina stuck out her tongue and made a few rapid licking motions.
Amy laughed, caught Katrina's tongue between her lips, and playfully sucked on it. "What'd you get?"
Katrina checked for her name. "'Mechanical engineering.' Cool."
Tara checked for her name. "I'm not on the list. This must be a mistake."
In the library, Giles walked to the table, balancing his stack of books. He carefully set them down and leaned over a bit to straighten the stack, but he over-leaned, and the books began to fall over. He reacted quickly to try to stop them.
"Ah!" Giles exclaimed.
Buffy put her hand on top of the stack just as he did, and they pushed it back up.
Giles was relieved and exhaled. "Buffy. Thank you."
Buffy sat down at the table.
"I've been, uh, indexing the Watcher diaries covering the last couple of centuries. You would be amazed at how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these Watchers were."
"Color me stunned."
"So, uh, I trust last night's patrol was fruitful?"
"Semi. Mm, I caught one out of two vamps after they stole something from this jumbo mausoleum."
"They were stealing?"
"Yeah! They had tools, flashlights, whole nine yards. What does that mean, anyway? 'Whole nine yards'?" Buffy wondered.
Giles began to pace.
"Nine yards of what?" Buffy whined. "Now, it's gonna bug me all day. Giles, you're in pace mode. What gives?"
"Um, this vampire who escaped, did you see what he took?"
"No, but I could take a guess and say it was something old."
"You made no effort to find out what was taken?"
"Have a cow, Giles!" Buffy yelled. "I just figured it was your everyday vamp hijinks."
"Well, what if it wasn't? This could be very serious! I mean...i-i-if you'd made an effort to, uh, to be more thorough in your observations-"
"Y'know, if you don't like the way I'm doing my job, why don't you find somebody else? Oh, that's right, there can be only one. As long as I'm alive, there is no one else. Well, there you go! I don't have to be the Slayer. I could be dead."
"That wasn't terribly funny. You notice I don't laugh."
"Wouldn't be much of a change. Either way, I'm bored, constricted, and I never get to shop. So, really, when you think about it, what's the diff?" Buffy asked.
"Do we have to be introspective now? Our only concern is to discover what was stolen from that mausoleum last night."
Tara was at the career fair in the school lounge.
Amy walked over to her. "Hey, what's up?"
"I'm looking for Buffy."
"Oh, she went with Giles about an hour ago. Some kind of field trip deal."
"If she doesn't get back soon, Principal Snyder's really-" Tara spotted him on the stairs. "-done a great job with the fair this year, hasn't he, Amy?"
Snyder walked over to them. "Where is she?"
"Who?" Tara asked.
"You know who."
"You mean Buffy?" Tara looked around. "I just saw her-"
"And don't feed me that 'I just saw her a minute ago, she's around here somewhere' story."
"But I did...just see her a minute ago, and she is...around here somewhere!" Tara lied.
"Right." Snyder walked off.
Two recruiters in dark suits approached Tara.
"Tara Maclay?"
Tara faced them.
"Come with us, please?"
"Excuse me?" Tara asked.
"Let's walk."
The two men took her by the arms and guided her to a curtained-off area of the lounge. Tara looked back at Amy. They pulled the curtain aside for Tara. She stepped through, and they followed her, letting the curtain fall closed again behind them.
"What is all this?" Tara asked.
"You've been selected to meet with Mr. McCarthy, head recruiter for the world's leading software concern. The jet was delayed by fog at Sea-Tac, but he should be here any minute." The recruiter indicated the couch. "Please, make yourself comfortable."
"But I didn't even get my test back."
"The test was irrelevant. We've been tracking you for some time."
Tara was worried. "Is that a good thing?"
"I would think so. We're extremely selective. In fact, only one other Sunnydale student met our criteria."
Without another word, the two recruiters turned and left through the curtain. Tara was a bit stunned but stayed and turned around to see who the other student was. Oz was sitting there on the couch. She stepped over to the couch and sat down on the other end. She folded her hands in her lap and looked over at Oz. He noticed someone sit and turned to look. When he saw her, he did a double take.
Buffy swung open the metal gate to the cemetery entrance and strode in, holding a flashlight.
Giles was running to catch up with her. "Buffy! Slow down! Please!"
"Giles, we have work to do, remember? Get with the program."
Giles held his chest as he breathed hard to catch his breath from running after her. They continued walking to the mausoleum.
"You're behaving remarkably im-immaturely." Giles panted.
"You know why? I am immature. I'm a teen. I have yet to mature."
"I was...simply offering some...constructive criticism." Giles panted.
"No! You were harsh! God, you act like I picked this gig. But remember, I'm the picked."
"What you have...is more than...a gig. It's a sacred duty. Which...shouldn't prevent you from e-e-eventually procuring some...more...gainful f-f-form of employment. Uh-uh-uh, such as I did."
"Uh, Giles, it's one thing to be a Watcher and a librarian. They go together like chicken and...another chicken...or...two chickens...or...something; you know what I'm saying! The point is...no one blinks an eye, if you want to spend all your days with books. What am I supposed to do? Carve stakes for a nursery?"
Giles had gotten in front of her as they made their way past several gravestones.
"Um, point taken. I must, however, admit...I-I've never really..." Giles paused in consideration. "Well, now, there's a thought; have you ever considered law enforcement?"
"Actually, yeah. Dunno if it'd be a good fit, though. I'm not one for following orders."
"You don't say."
Buffy stopped in her tracks, raised her flashlight, and jerked it at the mausoleum behind him.
"What?" Giles turned to look. "Oh!"
They walked up the steps and went in. The chamber was bare except for two large stone vases and a pile of rubble on the floor. They walked down the steps.
"May I?" Giles reached for the flashlight.
Buffy handed it to him. "Be my guest."
Giles turned on the flashlight and walked over to where the wall had been broken into. "It's a reliquary. Used to house items of religious significance. Most commonly a finger or some other body part from a saint."
Buffy was grossed out. "Note to self: religion: freaky."
She leaned against the wall as Giles scanned around the rest of the room with the flashlight.
Giles spotted a name engraved on a stone high above. "Du Lac. Oh dear, oh dear."
"I hate when you say that."
"Josephus du Lac was buried here. He belonged to a religious sect that was excommunicated by the Vatican at the turn of the century."
"Excommunicated and sent to Sunnydale. There's a guy big with the sinning."
"You remember the book that was stolen from the library by a vampire a few weeks ago?"
"Yeah."
"It was written by Du Lac. Damn it! I let it slip my mind with all the excitement."
"I'm guessing it wasn't a Taste of the Vatican cookbook."
They started out of the mausoleum.
"No, the, uh, book was said to contain rituals and spells that reap unspeakable evil. However, it was written in archaic Latin, so that nobody but the sect members could understand it."
They walked outside.
"So...everything's cool then."
"It's not. First, the book was taken from the library, and now the vampires have stolen something from Du Lac's tomb."
"You think they figured out how to read the book?" Buffy asked.
"Something's coming, Buffy, and, whatever it is, I can guarantee it's not good."
Later, in the library, Tara, Buffy, Amy, and Katrina were sitting at the table.
"So Mr. Giles is sure that the vampire who stole his book is connected to the one you slayed last night?" Tara paused in thought. "Or is it slew?"
Giles came out of the stacks with a National Geographic magazine. "Both are correct, and, yes, I'm sure. Du Lac was both a-a...a theologian and a mathematician." He came down the stairs. "This article describes an invention of his, which he called 'The Du Lac Cross'. The cross was more than a mere symbol." He handed the open magazine to Tara. "It was used to understand certain mystical texts, to, uh, decipher hidden meanings, and so forth."
"So you're saying these vampires went to all this hassle for your basic decoder ring?" Buffy asked him.
Giles was taken aback by the metaphor. "Uh, actually, yes, I-I suppose I am."
Tara was looking at the article. "According to this, Du Lac destroyed every cross except the one buried with him."
"Why destroy your own work?" Buffy asked.
Giles paced. "Perhaps he feared what might happen, if it fell into the wrong hands."
Amy shuddered. "A fear we'll soon get to experience for ourselves, up close and personal."
Giles looked at her. "U-Unless we can preempt their plans."
"How?" Katrina asked.
"Uh, by learning what's in the book before they do. Which means we can expect to be here later tonight." Giles sat down.
Buffy got up. "I really have to bail, but I promise I'll be back bright and early tomorrow and ready to slay."
Giles looked at her. "This is a matter of some urgency, Buffy."
"I realize that. Well, you have to admit I kinda lack in the book area. I mean...you guys are the brains; I'd only be here for moral support, anyway."
Tara looked at Giles. "She should go. Y-Y'know, gather her strength."
Giles paused in consideration. "Perhaps you're right. There may be fierce battles ahead."
Buffy smiled appreciatively at Tara, bent over, kissed her on the lips, and made tracks for the door.
Buffy met up with Cordelia at the ice skating rink, and Cordelia paid extra for them to be let inside. Buffy had brought her own ice skates, and Cordelia rented a pair. They laced up and then hit the ice. Cordelia was having difficulty maintaining her balance, but Buffy joined hands with her and helped her out.
Buffy smiled. "You're getting it."
Cordelia smiled. "It's not much different than roller skating." She suddenly slipped and fell on her ass, pulling Buffy down on top of her. "Ow! God damn it! On second thought..."
Buffy got off her and helped her to her feet. "Watch me for a bit."
Buffy skated gracefully by herself. She made use of the whole rink, doing practiced turns and spins. Cordelia watched in awe. Buffy skated along, still by herself. She did a crouching maneuver but wiped out and slid backward against the sidewall.
Cordelia skated over to her. "You're good!" She helped Buffy to her feet.
Buffy rubbed her sore ass. "I'm okay. Dawn's the ice princess."
Suddenly, a large man reached down, put his arm around her neck, and lifted her off the ice. He lay her down on the railing and began to choke her.
"Buffy!" Cordelia yelled.
Buffy tried to pry his hands from her throat as she struggled to breathe.
Angel came running across the ice. "Buffy!"
He leaped and tackled the man, knocking him off Buffy. She fell from the railing onto the ice with her knee. Angel lifted the man to his feet and punched him in the face. He wasn't fazed and returned with a double-fisted punch to Angel's stomach, sending him back into the wall. Angel came off the wall and jabbed him in the face again, but he just shrugged it off. He punched Angel in the face and gut, making him stagger into the wall again. He grabbed Angel by the throat and lifted him up.
"Angel!" Cordelia skated toward them at a fast pace.
The man turned to face her. Cordelia grabbed a net that was hanging there and used it to swing up with her foot and hit him in the throat with the blade of her skate, crushing his trachea. He let go of Angel and grabbed his own neck, unable to breathe. He took a few steps onto the ice and collapsed there, dead.
Cordelia landed on the ice with a thud. Buffy rubbed her knee. Angel crouched over the dead man and lifted his hand to inspect his ring.
Cordelia got to her feet. "The Hellmouth presents: Dead Guys On Ice. Not exactly the evening we were aiming for."
Angel looked closely at the ring. "You're in danger, Buffy. You know what the ring means?"
"Cordy just killed a Super Bowl champ?" Buffy quipped.
Angel was annoyed with her. "I'm serious! You should go home and wait until you hear from me." He dropped the dead man's hand and stood up.
Buffy mock-saluted him. "Yes, sir."
Cordelia skated over to him.
"Are you okay?" Angel asked her.
Cordelia put her gloved hand on his cheek and saw the cut above his eye. "What about you? That cut!" She lowered her hand.
"Forget about me. This is bad, Cordy. We gotta get you girls outta here."
"What, you mean hide?" Buffy asked, upset.
"Let's just get you someplace safe!" Angel insisted.
"No! Your eye!" Cordelia cried.
She reached back up to him, and he shook her off.
"Hey! Don't be a baby. I'm not gonna hurt you."
"It's not that. I-"
"What?" Cordelia asked.
"You shouldn't have to touch me when I'm like this."
Cordelia looked at his vampire fangs. "Oh." She removed her glove and reached up to touch his brow and his wound, brushing gently across and down his cheek. "I didn't even notice."
She moved closer to kiss him. He responded, and they kissed gently. The kiss became more passionate as she reached her hand behind his neck to draw him closer. Angel put his arms around Cordelia.
Buffy and Cordelia went to the school. They stopped in the cafeteria, so Buffy could grab an ice pack from the freezer. Then they went to the library. Giles and Tara were at the table. Amy and Katrina had gone to the restroom.
"Date ended early?" Tara asked.
Giles shot her a look.
Tara was embarrassed. "Oops."
Giles stood up and stared judgmentally at Buffy.
Buffy shrugged. "Okay, look, Cordy had a date with Angel at the ice rink, and I showed up early to teach her how to skate. Then some asshole attacked me. Angel came to my rescue, but he was no match for this guy. Cordy ended up killing him." She walked over to Giles and took the ring out of her pocket. "Angel found this on him, but he wouldn't specify what it was and basically just told me to hide. Mean anything to you?"
Giles took the ring and looked at it. "Not sure." He inspected the ring under a magnifying lamp.
Buffy went and sat on the steps, holding the ice pack to her knee. "This guy was hardcore, Giles. And Angel was power-freaked by that ring."
"I'm afraid he was not overreacting. This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon." Giles sat down. "Their credo is to sow discord and kill the unwary. I need to think." He took off his glasses.
"These assassins, why are they after me?" Buffy asked.
"'Cause you're the scourge of the underworld?" Tara guessed.
"I haven't been that scourgey lately."
Giles rubbed his eyes. "I don't know, I don't know." He sighed. "I think the best thing we can do is to find a secure location. Somewhere out of the way you can go until we decide on the best course of action."
Buffy got up. "Okay, now you and Angel have both said to head for the hills. Are you saying I can't handle this, that I'm not strong enough to fight these people?"
"They're a breed apart, Buffy. U-Unlike vampires, they have no earthly desires but to collect their bounty. They find a target, and, uh...they eliminate it."
Buffy absorbed this solemnly.
"You can kill as many of them as you like; it won't make any difference. Where there's one, there will be another, and another. They won't stop coming until the job is done. Each one of them works alone. His own way. Some are human; some...a-are not. Y-You won't know who they are until they strike."
"Human?" Cordelia asked, uneasy.
Giles, Buffy, and Tara looked at her.
"Was the guy that I killed human?" Cordelia wondered. "He looked human."
Buffy stood up, put the ice pack on the table, walked over to Cordelia, and put her hands on her shoulders. "You were heroic, Cordy. You saved our lives. Thank you."
Cordelia stared at her, still upset. "Do you...think maybe we should hide? I...I don't wanna be alone."
"Yeah. Okay."
Tara looked at them. "Take care."
Buffy looked at Tara and smiled. "Thanks." She bent over and kissed her on the lips. "Good night."
"Good night."
Buffy and Cordelia left the library.
Cordelia and Buffy walked down the stairs to the hall outside Angel's apartment and over to his door. There was no answer when Cordelia knocked.
"Angel?" Cordelia called.
She tried the doorknob, but it was locked.
"Stand aside."
Cordelia stood aside. Buffy twisted the knob hard, breaking it and opening the door. She slowly walked in and had a look around. Cordelia followed and closed the door. She turned on the lights.
The apartment was sparsely furnished. A modern desk strewn with papers was against the far wall with a dozen old pictures hanging on the wall around it. The floor was bare concrete, and Cordelia's heels clicked quietly as she slowly walked over to an ivory statue enclosed in a glass display case. She looked at it for a moment before going on. She looked around as she continued and passed an elegant antique armoire. Finally, she found his unmade bed and slowly went over to it and sat down. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, weary from the day's events. A moment later, she lay herself down on the bed, resting her head on his pillow and curling up. She hugged her arms close to her heart and fell asleep. Buffy stared at her in sympathy and silently got in bed behind her, guarding her.
In the library, Giles walked out of his office, cleaning his glasses.
Tara and Amy were sitting at the counter, going through a volume.
Tara sighed. "I wish there was more we could do."
"We're doing all that we can." Giles put on his glasses. "The only course of action is to try and find out what was in that stolen book." He read a card from the catalog.
"I'm worried about Buffy and Cordy."
Katrina hung up the phone. "Well, they didn't go to Cordy's; her mom says she hasn't come home. They didn't go to Buffy's either. I let the phone ring a few dozen times before I remembered her mom is out of town."
Giles looked at her. "Well, maybe Buffy unplugged the phone."
Amy shook her head. "No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug her phone."
Tara nodded in agreement. "Totally. Although, in my case, it's because I tie up the phone line to be on the 'Net."
"Well, perhaps my words of caution were...a little too alarming."
Tara looked at him. "It's good that they took you seriously, Mr. Giles. I just wish we knew where they were."
The next morning, after sunrise, Giles was at his desk in the library, studying a book while holding the phone, waiting for Amy to answer.
"Hello?" Amy asked.
"Amy?"
"Hey, Giles. Any news on Buffy?" Amy asked.
"No, no, I-I haven't heard from Buffy yet. Look, look, I-I-I think you should go to her house and check on her."
"When?"
"Well, ri-right a-right away."
"Dad's got the car today. What do you want me to do? Walk?" Amy asked.
"I-I-I don't know, get Katrina to drive you." Giles hung up without waiting for a response.
He picked up the book that he was reading and headed back into the main room with it. There, he saw Tara asleep in front of the PC with her head resting on the keyboard.
Giles closed his book, crouched slightly, and gently placed his hand on her shoulder to wake her. "Tara?"
Tara woke with a start and sat bolt upright. "Huh?!"
"Are you all right?" Giles asked her.
"Mr. Giles, what are you doing here?" Tara asked, confused.
"It's the library, Tara. You fell asleep."
Tara looked around. "Oh! I..." She stood up and headed for the phone. "Shit, I gotta call my parents. They're probably worried sick. Or, at least, Mom is." She looked back at Giles. "I'm sorry. I conked out."
"What? Please. You've gone quite beyond the call of duty." Giles followed her to the phone. "But - But I-I...uh, fortunately, I think I may have found something, finally."
Tara picked up the handset. "You did?"
"I-I found a-a description of the missing Du Lac manuscript. It's a ritual, Tara. Now, I-I, uh..." Giles began to pace. "I haven't managed to decipher the exact details, but I-I...I believe the purpose is to restore a weak and sick vampire back to full health."
"A vampire like Drusilla?" Tara asked.
"Exactly."
Katrina drove onto the street in front of Buffy's house and parked her car, a silver 1993 Ford Escort LX wagon, in the driveway. Katrina and Amy got out of the car and walked up to Buffy's house.
Katrina looked at Amy. "Her van's not here."
"Or it's in the garage." Amy took the steps up to the porch and knocked on the door. She looked in through the glass. "Buffy!" When she didn't see anyone stirring inside, she walked over to the window and tried to open it. Then she tried another window. She got the window open. "Buffy could be in trouble." She stepped through the window and went into the house. She opened the door for Katrina. "Buffy! I'm gonna check upstairs."
Katrina walked in and closed the door behind her.
Amy climbed the stairs. "Buffy?"
Katrina spun her keys around as she walked into the living room and looked around. She was about to check the dining room when she heard a knocking at the door and went to answer it. When she opened it, a man with glasses was standing there.
"Good day. I'm Norman Pfister with Blush Beautiful Skin Care and Cosmetics." He held up his case. "I was wondering if I might interest you in some free samples?"
"No, thanks." Katrina started to close the door.
Norman shoved the door open, knocking Katrina backward. "I insist."
She saw a mealworm crawl out of his sleeve and onto his hand. Amy came back down the stairs and saw Norman. Katrina slowly backed away from him.
"Hey, what's up?" Amy asked Katrina.
"Um, he's a salesman, and he was just leaving, right? Uh, okay! Buh-bye! Thank you!" Katrina yelled.
Amy reached to guide him out. "Okay, Mary Kay, time to-"
Another mealworm crawled across Norman's cheek and into his right ear.
Amy backed away. "Time to run!"
She broke into a run, guiding Katrina away with her as Norman transformed into a mass of mealworms. They quickly crawled across the floor. Amy and Katrina ran into the kitchen for the back door, but Norman was already there, reassembled and waiting for them. Katrina screamed, and Amy grabbed her hand and pulled her away. They opened the door to the basement and hurried in, closing the door behind them. The mealworms tried to come under the door, but they stomped on them.
"Find something to cover the crack under the door!" Amy grabbed a broom and swept the mealworms back under the door with it.
"Uhh..." Katrina found a roll of duct tape.
Amy swept at the mealworms while Katrina pulled a length of tape off the roll and stuck it to the bottom of the door.
"Eww! Eh! Eh!" Katrina exclaimed in disgust.
In Angel's apartment, Cordelia and Buffy were sleeping on his bed. Buffy stirred and woke. She heard a noise, opened her eyes to look up, and immediately shoved Cordelia to the floor and rolled to the far side of the bed as a hatchet struck the pillow where Cordelia's head was. Cordelia woke up and looked around, disoriented. Buffy looked at their attacker. It was a young black girl with long curly hair tied back and large hoop earrings. She swung again and hit the mattress when Buffy sidestepped the blow.
Buffy did a flip over her back and onto the floor behind her, ready to fight. "You must be number two!"
"What the fuck's going on?" Cordelia asked.
The girl swung with the hatchet. Buffy ducked the swing and grabbed the bed curtain. She pulled it down and over the girl's head and knocked her to the floor with a kick to the head. The girl quickly scrambled out from under the curtain and held the hatchet up and ready.
Buffy smiled. "Thanks for the wake-up, but I'll stick with my clock radio."
The girl swung the hatchet, and Buffy caught it. The girl pulled her around and slammed her into the wall, pushing the hatchet into her chest. Buffy pushed the hatchet up and away from her. The girl pulled down on it, flipping Buffy over onto her back. She bore down on her.
"Come on, don't make me do the chick fight thing."
"Chick fight?" the girl asked in a Caribbean accent.
"You know." Buffy let go of the hatchet with one hand and dug her nails into the girl's hand.
She gritted her teeth and grunted in pain. Buffy grabbed the girl's arm and rolled her over and away. They both scrambled to their feet. Buffy kicked the hatchet out of the girl's hand. The girl tried two kicks, which Buffy easily blocked. Buffy ducked a swing to her head and swung back, but the girl grabbed her arm in mid-swing and flipped her over onto the coffee table, smashing it. Buffy let out a pained breath. The girl reached down for her. Buffy kicked up with both legs into the girl's face and made her fall backward to the floor. They both scrambled to their feet again. Buffy did a roundhouse kick to the girl's face. She fell again but hopped right back to her feet. They faced each other, ready to continue the fight.
"Who are you?" the girl asked.
"Who am I? You attacked me! Who the fuck are you?!" Buffy demanded.
"I am Kendra! De Vampire Slayer!"
Buffy looked at her in utter disbelief, out of breath. "Okay, one more time. You're the who?!"
"I'm de Slayer."
"Nice cover story. But here's a tip: you might wanna try it on someone who's not the real Slayer."
"Ya can't stop me! Even if ya kill me, anodder Slayer will be sent to take me place."
"Could you stop with the Slayer thing? I'm the fucking Slayer!" Buffy told her.
"Nonsense! Dere is but one, and I am she."
"Okay, a scenario." Buffy sniffed and held up her hand. "You back off, I'll back off, but you promise not to go all wiggy until we can go to my Watcher and figure this out."
"Wiggy?"
"You know. No kick-o, no fight-o?" Buffy explained.
Kendra considered the offer for a moment, then relaxed her stance and crossed her arms. "I accept your scenario."
"So. You were sent here?" Buffy asked.
"Yes, by my Watcher."
"To do what, exactly?"
"To do my duty. I am here to kill vampires."
Cordelia suddenly came up behind Kendra, raising a sword that she'd found. Kendra spun around to attack her.
"Whoa, whoa, both of you, calm the fuck down!" Buffy ordered. "Cordy! Kendra! Time out!"
Cordelia and Kendra eyed each other suspiciously, but Cordelia slowly lowered the sword, and Kendra relaxed.
Cordelia looked at Buffy in exhaustion. "Okay, this is really starting to become a habit with you."
Buffy was wigged and tense as she walked down the hall, Kendra and Cordelia right behind her. Buffy held her hand to the back of her neck and shoulders. She jumped when a boy barged through the doors in the hall in front of her.
She walked through the doors and scanned the students in the hall, paranoid about them looking at her. The police recruiter looked at her, and she stared back. A teacher came down the stairs in front of her and looked at her as he ran a comb through his hair. Several students walked past her, giving her the occasional glance.
Buffy heard a locker slam behind her and spun toward the noise, noticed Oz quickly bearing down on her, took him by the neck, and shoved him into the wall. "Try it, asshole!"
Oz was confused. "Try what?"
Buffy realized she'd made a mistake and let go of his neck. "Uh..." She let out a breath. "I-I'm sorry."
"Still not clear what I'm supposed to try."
"Nothing. God, I'm...sorry, I..." Buffy stepped away from him, looked both ways down the hall, and quickly headed off in the direction that she was going.
Oz moved away from the wall and shuddered. "That is a tense person."
Kendra looked at Cordelia. "Is she always this paranoid?"
Cordelia nodded, memories of their altercation at the Bronze earlier in the year coming back. "Oh, yeah. I've got stories."
Soon, in the library, Buffy, Cordelia, and Kendra filled Giles in on what had happened. Kendra stood at attention as Giles paced. Buffy just leaned on a chair with her left hand and had her right hand on her hip. Cordelia stood with her arms crossed.
"And your Watcher is - i-is Sam Zabuto, you say?" Giles asked.
"Yes, sir."
"We've never met, but he-he's - he's very well respected."
Buffy was surprised. "What, so he's a real guy? As in non-fictional?"
"And you are called...?" Giles asked Kendra.
"I am de Vampire Slayer."
Buffy looked at her. "We got that part, hon. He means your name."
"Oh. Dey call me Kendra. I have no last name, sir."
"Can you say 'stuck in the '80s'?" Buffy asked in a haughty tone.
Giles looked at her. "Buffy, please. Uh, there's obviously some - some misunderstanding here."
Tara walked into the library and grinned in delight when she saw Buffy. She strode toward her girlfriend. "Hey!"
Kendra marched around Buffy to intercept her. "Identify yourself!"
Tara was taken aback, and her smile faded to a frown.
"Back off, Pink Ranger!" Buffy warned Kendra. "This is my girlfriend."
"Girlfriend?" Kendra asked in confusion.
"Yeah." Buffy sidestepped Kendra and kissed Tara passionately on the lips.
"I don't understand."
Buffy finished the kiss and looked at Giles, exasperated. "You try. I'm tapped." Buffy sat down in a chair at the table.
Tara sat in Buffy's lap and smiled teasingly. "Well, not recently."
Buffy smiled at Tara. "We'll fix that."
Giles looked at Kendra. "Uh - Uh, Kendra, uh, Buffy's identity i-is pretty much an open secret in this town. Buffy and Tara are in love."
"And you allow dis, sir?" Kendra asked, shocked.
Buffy gave Kendra a death stare.
"Well, uh-"
"But de Slayer must work in secret for security."
"Of course, uh, but, uh, with Buffy, however, it-it's, um, some flexibility is required."
Buffy gave Giles a death stare.
"Why?" Kendra asked.
Tara was confused. "W-What's goin' on?"
Buffy looked at Tara. "Apparently, there's been a really big mix-up."
Giles looked at Tara. "Uh, it seems somehow that, uh, another Slayer has been sent to Sunnydale."
"Is that even possible? I mean...two Slayers at the same time?" Tara asked him.
"Not to my knowledge. Um, th-the new Slayer is only called after the previous Slayer has died. Uh..." Giles paused in thought and realized something. "Oh, good Lord! You were dead, Buffy."
"I was only gone for a minute."
"Clearly, it doesn't matter how long you were gone. You were physically dead! Thus causing the activation of the - the next Slayer." Giles nodded toward Kendra.
"She died?" Kendra asked in surprise.
Buffy shrugged. "Just a little."
Giles nodded. "She drowned, but she was revived."
"So there really are two of them!" Tara exclaimed.
"It would seem so. This is completely unprecedented! I'm quite flummoxed." Giles sat down.
"What's the flum? Whoever's in charge of the Slayer line fucked up." Buffy stared pointedly at Giles. "And no one on the Watchers Council caught it." She shook her head in disappointment and then shrugged. "It's a mistake; she isn't supposed to be here; she goes home!" She looked at Kendra. "Look, no offense, I really don't mean this personally, but I'm not dead, and frankly having you around creeps me out just a little bit."
"I cannot just leave. I was sent here for a reason. Mr. Zabuto said all de signs indicate dat a very dark power is about to rise in Sunnydale."
"And what's your great plan for finding this dark power? You just gonna attack people randomly till you find a bad one?" Buffy asked her.
"Of course not."
"Then why the hell did you attack me?" Cordelia asked her.
Kendra looked at her. "I tought you were a vampire."
Cordelia smiled. "Oh, a swing and a miss for the rookie."
"I had good reason to tink you were. Did I not see you kissing a vampire?"
"Look, you saw me with Angel, and he is a vampire, but he's good."
"Angel? You mean Angelus? I've read about him. He is a monster."
Giles shook his head. "No, no, no, he's - he's good now."
Tara smiled. "Really!"
Cordelia nodded. "He had a gypsy curse."
"He has a what?" Kendra asked her.
"Y'know what, just trust me on this one, okay? He's on the home team now."
"I cannot believe you. He looked to me just like anodder animal when I-"
"When you what?" Cordelia confronted her. "What did you do to him?"
"I-"
"What did you do?!" Cordelia demanded, enraged.
Cordelia barged through the door of Willy's Bar, a sleazy joint. Kendra and Buffy followed.
"Angel?!" Cordelia called in worry.
Kendra walked into the cage where she left him and looked around. "No ashes."
"What?" Cordelia asked her.
"When a vampire combusts, he leaves ashes."
"Yeah, I know the drill."
"So I did not kill him."
Cordelia stared at her. "And I don't need to kill you."
Willy showed up at the door. "Whoa! There's a lotta tension in this room."
Kendra attacked him and pushed him out of the back room and onto the floor.
"Doesn't anyone just say 'Hello' where you come from?" Buffy asked her.
Kendra turned Willy over on the floor and grabbed him by the shirt, ready to punch. "Dis one is dirty! I can feel it!"
"That's really good for you, Percepto Girl." Cordelia lifted Willy up. "But we're not gonna get anything out of him if he's, oh, say..." She slammed him into the bar. "...unconscious." She looked at Willy. "Where's Angel?"
"My buddy Angel? You think I'd let him fry? I saved him in the nick! He was about five minutes away from being a crispy critter."
"Where'd he go?" Cordelia asked him.
"Uh, he said he was gonna stay underground. You know, recuperate."
"Are you telling me the truth?" Cordelia asked him.
"I swear on my mother's grave! Should something fatal happen to her, God forbid."
"Den he is all right. We can return to Mr. Giles for our orders."
Cordelia let go of Willy. "You girls go ahead. I don't take orders. I do things my way."
Buffy looked at Cordelia. "Cordy, let's go. We won't get any more out of him."
They started to leave.
Willy stepped away from the bar. "I-I have to ask."
The girls looked back.
"Has any of you girls considered modeling? I have a friend with a camera? Strictly high-class nude work. You know, art photographs. But naked."
Buffy, Cordelia, and Kendra looked at each other and just walked out without a word.
"You don't have to answer right away."
Back at Sunnydale High, Giles, Kendra, Tara, and Buffy walked down the outside stairs and headed into a hall.
"Kendra, I-I've, uh, conferred with your Watcher, Mr. Zabuto, and, uh, we both agree that, uh, until this matter with Spike and Drusilla has been resolved, that you two should work together."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Oh, that'll be a treat."
"So...you believe dat Spike is attempting to revive dis Drusilla to health?" Kendra asked.
"Yes, well, I-I-I-I think that's the, uh, the dark power that your - your Watcher re-referred to. You see, uh, you see, Drusilla's not only evil; she's, uh, well, she's also quite mad, and - and - and - and, if she's restored to her full health, then, uh, well, there's no - absolutely no telling what she might do."
"Den we will stop Spike."
"Ooh, good plan, let's go, charge!" Buffy mocked.
Giles looked at her. Buffy-"
Buffy looked at Kendra. "It's a little more complicated than that."
Giles nodded. "Yes, I'm - I'm afraid it is. You see, Spike has also called out the Order of Taraka to keep Buffy out of the way."
"De assassins? I read of dem in de writings of Dramius."
"Oh, really? W-W-Which volume?"
They exited the hall and walked along the colonnade.
"I believe it was six, sir."
"Um, how do you know all this?" Buffy asked Kendra.
"From me studies."
"So...obviously you have a lot of free time."
"I study, because it is required."
Giles smiled.
"The Slayer Handbook insists on it."
"There's a Slayer Handbook?" Tara asked in surprise.
"Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?" Buffy asked Giles.
"After meeting you, Buffy, I realized that, uh, the Handbook would be of no use in your case."
"Well, what do you mean it would be of no use in my case? Wha-What's wrong with my case?"
"Uh, Kendra, um, perhaps you'd like to show me the - the part in, uh, Dramius Six where, uh, uh, where it refers to the Order of Taraka. Really, I-I-I seem to have never been able to get through that book. It was a bit stodgy."
Kendra smiled. "It was difficult. All dose footnotes."
Giles and Kendra laughed out loud.
Buffy looked at Tara. "Hello, and welcome to Planet Pocket Protector."
Giles looked at Buffy. "Oh, well, B-Buffy, Principal Snyder was snooping 'round after you."
Buffy stopped walking. "Eee. Career fair."
"Best make an appearance, I think."
"Right."
"Buffy's a student here?" Kendra asked him in surprise.
"Yes."
"Riiight, of course. And I imagine she's a cheerleader as well."
"Oh, no, well, a-a-actually, she gave up her cheerleading."
Kendra gave him a look.
"Uh, it was quite an amusing story, actually. Uh, uh, let's go and find the book, shall we?"
The two of them headed off to the library. Buffy and Tara continued their walk.
"Get a load of the she-Giles."
Tara nodded. "Creepy."
"Ew. I'll bet Giles wishes I was more of a book geek."
"Mr. Giles is enough of a book geek for the both of you."
"Yeah, but did you see how they were vibing? 'Volume six, ha, ha, ha!'"
"Buffy, no one could replace you. You'll always be Mr. Giles' favorite."
"I wonder."
"Of course, you will. You're his Slayer."
"No. I wonder if it would be so bad, being replaced."
"You mean, like, letting Kendra take over?" Tara asked her.
"Maybe. I mean...maybe, after this thing with Spike and the assassins is over, I could say 'Kendra, you slay; I'm going to Disneyland.'"
"But not forever, right?"
"No, Disneyland would get boring after a few months. But I could do other stuff. Career day stuff. Maybe I could even have a normal life."
In Buffy's basement, Katrina made tracks for the stairs.
Amy got up to stop her. "What are you doin'?"
Katrina stopped and faced her. "Going to see if he's gone."
"What if he isn't?"
"Won't know until we try."
Katrina rushed up the stairs with Amy right behind. They stopped at the top, crouched down, and gave each other anxious looks. Amy grabbed one end of the tape and pulled it off. There weren't any worms on the other side. Amy moved the broom aside and opened the door slowly. They both looked out for any sign of the mealworms.
Katrina looked at Amy. "He's gone."
Amy stepped out and peeked around the corner, down the hall to the dining room. The coast looked clear, so Amy made a dash for the front door. Katrina followed a moment later, and, when she ran through the dining room door, mealworms began falling onto her from the ceiling. She screamed as they fell on her en masse and ran for the door. Amy threw the door open and dashed into the front yard.
Katrina followed her out, screaming. "Amy, oh my God! Get them off of me!"
Amy turned to look.
"Get 'em off!" Katrina cried.
Amy ran for the hose.
Katrina was terrified. "Get 'em off of me! Oh, my God, get 'em off me!" She screamed.
Amy grabbed the hose and started spraying the mealworms off her. Katrina kept screaming and turned her back to her, then her front again. Amy kept spraying as Katrina tried to brush them off. Katrina turned around again to let Amy spray her back again and reached down the back of her shirt to get some mealworms out.
Katrina turned back around. "Okay, okay, let's get outta here! Amy, let's go!" She ran for her car.
Amy dropped the hose and followed her. They got in the car. Katrina started her car, put it in Reverse, backed out of the driveway, put it in Drive, floored the gas pedal, and burned rubber into the street. Further down the block, she screeched around the corner.
In a hall at the school, Buffy and Tara strolled along past the career fair displays.
"My tests say that I should look into law enforcement - duh! - and environmental design."
"Environmental design. That's landscaping, right?" Tara asked.
"I checked the 'shrub' box. But landscaping was yesterday, so law enforcement it is."
They stopped near the steps to the couches in the lounge. Buffy looked around and noticed Oz looking over at Tara.
Buffy looked at Tara. "Hey, Tara, that guy over there is totally checking you out."
Tara looked. "Oh, that's Oz. He's expressing computer nerd solidarity."
Oz got up and started to walk over.
"Really? Then why is he on his way over here right now?" Buffy asked her.
Tara was surprised when she saw him coming.
"Hey."
Tara smiled. "Hey!"
"So, uh, did you decide? Are you gonna be a Corporate Computer Suit Guy?"
"Oh. Uh, well, I-I think I'm gonna finish high school first. What about you?"
"I'm not really a computer person, you know. Or a work-of-any-kind person."
"They why'd they select you?"
"Oh, I sorta test well. Y'know, which is cool. E-Except that it leads to jobs."
"Well, don't you have some ambition?" Tara asked him.
"Oh, yeah! Yeah. E-flat, diminished ninth."
Buffy smiled. "You play?"
"Yeah, I'm the lead guitarist in Dingoes Ate My Baby. Well, the E-flat, it's - it's doable, but that diminished ninth, y'know, it's a man's chord. Now, you could lose a finger."
Buffy and Tara frowned.
"Did I say something wrong?" Oz asked.
"Uh, on behalf of all female guitarists, yeah!" Buffy kissed Tara on the lips. "I'm gonna see if I can help take a bite out of crime." She walked away.
Tara looked at Oz. Oz stared back at her, expressionless. Tara smiled.
Buffy signed up at the law enforcement table and joined the group.
Patrice, the recruitment officer, picked up the clipboard and looked it over. "All right, listen up and answer when I call your name. Buffy Summers."
Buffy raised her hand. Patrice calmly put the clipboard back down. Quickly, she drew her gun and aimed it at Buffy. Buffy reacted in a flash and pushed the recruiter's hands and weapon up into the air as the first round went off. Panic set in throughout the hall, and people started to run and duck for cover. Buffy kept struggling with the officer, and another round went into the ceiling. Buffy kneed her in the gut, and she dropped the gun and fell to the floor. Buffy started to run as Patrice got to her knees and pulled out her backup gun. Another bullet flew at Buffy as she dove over a table.
Buffy stood up again and looked around at everyone. "Get down!" She started to run again, right past Tara and Oz.
Patrice followed Buffy with her aim.
"Look out!" Oz lunged for Tara and pulled her to the floor with him - but took the next bullet meant for Buffy in the arm.
Patrice kept following Buffy with her gun and shot off the cranium of a skeleton. Buffy ran down the hall and around the corner and leaned against the wall, breathing hard and waiting for Patrice to make her next move. When she was about to come around the corner, Buffy leaped over a table and tackled her to the floor. She dropped her backup gun, and it slid away. Buffy got to her feet and adopted a fighting stance. Patrice got back to her knees, pulled out her small ankle backup, and aimed it at Buffy as she stood back up. Before she could get off a round, Kendra kicked the gun out of her hands. She followed it up with a kick to Patrice's face, making her fall flat on her back. She made her stand next to Buffy. Patrice grabbed Jonathan as a hostage, pulled out a short blade, and threatened him with it. The two girls watched her slowly back toward the door at the end of the hall with the boy in tow. Halfway there, she dropped Jonathan and made a dash for the door. Kendra didn't hesitate to give chase. Buffy rushed over to Tara and Oz and kneeled down next to them. Oz was holding his arm.
"How is he?" Buffy asked Tara.
"He's shot!" Tara looked at Oz. "Are you okay?"
"I, uh, I'm shot!" Oz took his hand away briefly and chuckled. "Y'know." He laughed. "Wow! It's odd! And painful."
Buffy got up again when Kendra showed back up.
"She's gone."
Buffy looked around at the scene.
They went to the library. Giles got the first-aid kit out, and Tara wrapped Buffy's knee.
Buffy looked at Giles. "She was definitely one of the Taraka gang, Giles, and way gun happy."
"This, um, Oz chap, he-he-he's all right?" Giles asked.
Tara looked at him. "The paramedic said it was only a scrape. Thank Goddess."
Cordelia, Amy, and Katrina walked into the library. Kendra tried to head them off.
"Down, girl!" Buffy ordered.
"What the fuck happened out there?" Amy asked.
Giles walked over to the table. "We had a-a rather violent visit from the Order of Taraka."
"You wanna talk Order of Taraka?" Katrina asked. "We just met the king freak." She saw Kendra. "Who are you?"
Giles looked at Kendra and then back at the other girls. "Oh, forgive me. Uh, Amy, Katrina, this is Kendra. Uh, i-it's rather complicated, but she's also a Slayer."
Katrina headed for the table and sat down. "Hi. Nice to meet you."
Amy looked at Buffy. "A Slayer?"
Buffy hopped off the counter. "Long story."
Buffy, Tara, Amy, and Cordelia walked to the table and sat down.
"Katrina, um, this - this, uh, assassin you encountered, what, uh, what did he look like?" Giles asked.
Katrina found a mealworm in her hair and freaked out. She dropped it onto a book on the table. "Like that!"
Amy shook her head. "No, this dude was a man of bugs, not a man who was a bug."
"I stand corrected." Katrina slammed the biology book shut on the mealworm, killing it.
"The, uh, the - the - the important thing is everybody's all right. Still, it's quite apparent that we're under serious attack."
"These Taraka fuckers are definitely serious." Buffy looked at Kendra. "Fortunately for me, so is Kendra."
"And, uh, I fear the worst is still to come. I've - I-I've discovered the remaining keys to Drusilla's cure. The, uh, the ritual requires that - the presence of her sire, and it must take place in a church at night."
Cordelia was suddenly very concerned.
"And I-I'm sure the assassins were here to kill Buffy before she could put a stop to things."
"They need Drusilla's sire. You mean the vamp that made her?" Cordelia asked Giles.
"Yes."
"Cordy, what is it?" Tara asked.
Cordelia looked down. "Angel. He's Drusilla's sire. Will this ritual kill him?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it will."
Cordelia looked up. "We need to find this church. We need to find where this ritual is gonna take place!"
"Agreed, and we must work quickly." Giles checked his watch. "We have five hours before sundown."
Tara opened her laptop. "Don't worry, Cordy, we'll save Angel."
"Angel? But our priority is to stop Drusilla!" Kendra yelled.
"Angel's our friend!" Katrina yelled at her.
Cordelia looked at Kendra. "Look, you've got your priorities, and I've got mine. Right now, they mesh. So...are you gonna help me, or are you gonna get out of my way?"
Kendra considered. "I'm wit you."
"Good. 'Cause I've had it. Spike is going down. You can attack us; you can send assassins after Buffy; that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend!" Cordelia exclaimed.
Buffy frowned. "I think I'm offended." She looked at Tara. "Am I offended?"
Tara shrugged.
Later, Giles came out of the stacks and headed toward the stairs with a large volume full of pictures. Tara was sitting on the steps, Web surfing on her laptop.
Giles looked down at her screen and sat down next to her. "There are forty-three churches in Sunnydale?" He pulled out a roll of mints. "That seems a little excessive." He tore off some wrapping.
"It's the extra evil vibe from the Hellmouth. Makes people pray harder. Plus, y'know, Christians argue about everything and gotta worship separately from each other, each little group in its own way."
Giles offered her a mint, and she smiled and took one.
Giles got back up and continued over to Amy, Katrina, and Cordelia at the table. "Well, check and see if any of them are closed or abandoned."
Amy looked at Giles. "We got monsters, we got demons, but no bug dude or police lady."
Giles set the volume down in front of them and opened it. "Well, you should have better luck with this one. There's a whole section devoted to the Order of Taraka."
In Giles' office, Kendra looked through the window at them doing their research. Buffy was sharpening a knife.
"Did anyone explain to you what 'secret identity' means?" Kendra went to the desk and picked up the crossbow.
"Nope. Must be in the handbook. Right after the chapter on personality removal. Be careful with that thing!" Buffy warned.
"Please. I'm an expert in all weapons."
The bolt flew off the crossbow and broke a lamp. Buffy started.
Giles heard the noise from the main room. "Is everything all right?"
Buffy smiled. "Yeah, it's okay. Kendra killed the bad lamp."
"Sorry! Dis, uh, trigger mechanism is different." Kendra set the bow down. "Perhaps, when dis is over, you can, uh, show me how to work it."
Buffy shrugged. "When this is over, I'm thinking extra large supreme pizza and teen video movie fest. Possibly something from the Ringwald oeuvre."
In the main room, Katrina turned the page and found a drawing of the bug dude. "Oh, here we go!"
Giles and Tara walked over to have a look.
"Okay. Okay. He can only be killed when he's in his disassembled state."
In the office, Kendra was handling a stake. "Your life is very different dan mine."
"You mean the part where I occasionally have one? Yeah, I guess it is." Buffy carved at a stake.
"De tings you do and have, I was taught, distract from my calling. Friends, school...even family."
"Even family?" Buffy asked, surprised.
"My parents, dey sent me to my Watcher when I was very young."
"How young?" Buffy asked.
"I don't remember dem, actually. I've seen pictures. But, uh, dat's how seriously de calling is taken by my people. My modder and fadder gave me to my Watcher, because dey believed dat dey were doing de right ting for me and for de world." Kendra put down the stake.
Buffy gave her a sympathetic look.
"Please, I don't feel sorry for meself. Why should you?" Kendra asked.
"I don't know, I...I guess it just sounds very lonely."
"Emotions are weakness, Buffy. You shouldn't entertain dem."
"Kendra, my emotions give me power. They're total assets!" Buffy insisted.
Kendra picked up her knife. "Maybe. For you. But I prefer to keep an even mind." She wiped the blade.
Buffy put down her knife. "Mm. I guess that explains it."
"Explains what?" Kendra asked.
Buffy played with the stake. "Oh, well, when we were fighting, uh, you're amazing! Your technique, it's flawless; it's, hmm, better than mine."
"I know."
Buffy smiled. "Still, I woulda kicked your ass in the end. And ya know why? No imagination."
Kendra rubbed her blade more vigorously. "Really? Ya tink so?" She put down the rag.
"Oh, I know so. You're good, but power alone isn't enough. A good fighter needs to know how to improvise, to go with the flow. Uh - Uh, seriously, don't get me wrong, y-you really do have potential." Buffy put away the stake.
Kendra held her knife ready. "Potential? I could wipe de floor wit you right now!"
Buffy looked Kendra in the eye. "That would be anger you're feeling."
"What?"
"You feel it, right? How the anger gives you fire? A Slayer needs that."
They both looked over at Cordelia as she walked into the office.
Cordelia grabbed a book from the desk and noticed Kendra's knife. "Nice knife. Keeps the boys in line, I bet."
"I'm not permitted to speak with boys."
"Unless you're pummeling them." Cordelia had a realization. "Wait a minute."
"What?"
"That guy!" Cordelia exclaimed. "The sleazy asshole you nearly decked in the bar."
"You tink he might help us?"
Cordelia smiled. "I tink we might make him!"
Cordelia shoved Willy up against the shelves of liquor bottles in his bar.
"Ah! Honest! I don't know where Angel is!" Willy insisted.
"What about this ritual? What have you heard?" Cordelia asked him.
"N-Nothing! I-It's all hush-hush!"
"Just hit him, Cordelia!" Kendra told her.
Cordelia looked at Kendra and then back at Willy. "She likes to hit."
"You know, m-maybe I did hear something about this ritual. Yeah, i-i...i-it's coming back to me. But, uh, I'd have to take you there."
"Let's go." Cordelia started to drag him out of the bar.
Kendra stepped in front of her. "First, we must return to de Watcher."
Cordelia stopped. "Excuse me? While we run to Giles, this whole shit could go down!"
"But it is procedure."
"It's brainless, you mean! If we don't go now, Angel could die." Cordelia started out again.
"Is dat all you're worried about? Your boyfriend?" Kendra asked her.
Cordelia stopped again. "No, it's not all, but it's enough."
"It's as I feared. He clouds your judgment. We can't stop dis ritual alone!"
"Are you listening to me? He could die!" Cordelia yelled.
"He's a vampire. He should die. Why am I de only person who sees it?"
Cordelia stared at her for a moment. "If I kill you, will another Slayer be called?"
Kendra stared at Cordelia in shock. Cordelia turned around again and headed for the door with Willy in tow.
"Are you dat big a fool?" Kendra asked.
Cordelia flipped Kendra off, shoved Willy out ahead of her, and left Kendra behind in the bar.
Buffy was waiting outside. "Where's Kendra?"
"She wanted to check in with Giles. We so don't have the time."
Buffy nodded. "Mm, girl's got a major stick up her ass. Oh, well. Good riddance, then."
Cordelia nodded. "We're on our own."
Willy led them down an arched hallway in a church.
"Here ya go. Don't ever say your friend Willy don't come through in a pinch."
They rounded a corner, and Patrice and a vampire were waiting there for them.
"Here ya go. Don't ever say your friend Willy don't come through in a pinch."
Norman and another vampire blocked their escape from behind.
Willy barged through a pair of doors and strode into the nave with the vampires and assassins escorting Buffy and Cordelia close behind.
Angel and Drusilla were both strapped together to a chain that hung from the ceiling near the altar. Angel's right hand was tied to the chain above his head. Drusilla's left hand was clasping Angel's left hand, and a dagger was stabbed through both of them.
"It's payday, pal. I got your Slayer."
Spike strode up the aisle to meet him, angry. "Are you tripping?! You bring her here?! Now?!"
"You said you wanted her."
Cordelia saw Angel and Drusilla tied together at the altar.
"In the ground, pinhead! I wanted her dead."
"Now, that's not what I heard. Word was there was a bounty on her dead or alive."
"You heard wrong, Willy."
Cordelia was on the verge of tears. "Angel."
"Yeah." Spike stepped over to Cordelia. "It bugs me, too, seeing him like that. Another five minutes, though, and Angel will be dead, so...I forebear. Don't feel too bad for Angel, though; he's got something you don't have."
Cordelia was angry. "What's that?"
"Five minutes. Patrice!"
She let go of Buffy and drew her gun. Buffy struggled to get loose from the vampire holding her. The other door suddenly burst open, and Kendra came in, doing a series of backflips, ending in a flying double kick, one foot to the back of each of the vampires' heads. They fell to the floor, pushing Buffy and Cordelia into Spike and knocking him down. Kendra landed on her feet, ready to fight. She wasted no time running over to Spike as he got up, meeting Buffy and Cordelia there to fight him.
"Who the hell is this?!" Spike demanded.
Kendra grabbed him by the shirt.
Buffy smiled. "It's your lucky day, Spike."
"Two Slayers!" Kendra decked him.
"And a pissed-off girlfriend!" Cordelia kneed him in the penis.
"No waiting!" Buffy jabbed him.
Spike fell but quickly got up. Buffy broke off to fight Patrice, and Cordelia broke off to run to the altar, leaving Kendra to take care of Spike. He ducked a roundhouse kick from her. Buffy faced off with Patrice. Patrice extended her arms down, and a blade slid out from each sleeve. One of the vampires got up from the floor next to them and started to reach for Cordelia when a bolt impaled him. He fell while Giles looked on from the door, still holding the crossbow. Cordelia gave him a thankful nod, ran to the altar, and pulled the dagger out of Angel and Drusilla's hands. Buffy and Patrice began to fight hand to hand. Patrice thrust one blade, then the other, at Buffy, but she caught her arms and held them up while she kneed Patrice in the stomach. Buffy followed up with a kick to her face and sent her stumbling back into the wall. Spike landed a punch on Kendra, knocking her down, and she scrambled to avoid his follow-up kick. The other vampire got up also, and Giles ran to engage him. He swung the crossbow at him, but the vampire grabbed it, and they struggled over it. Giles swung at the vampire and hit him in the face. Tara jumped up onto his back and started choking him with her arm.
Katrina spotted Norman. "Hey, larvae boy!"
Norman saw her.
"Yeah, that's right, I'm talkin' to you, ya big cootie!"
Norman smiled and started after her. Katrina scrambled for the doors and carefully stepped through as she closed them behind her to avoid stepping into the puddle of liquid adhesive that Amy had poured there. She still had the bucket in her hand.
"Welcome, my little pretties!" Amy exclaimed.
Norman came under the door as a mass of mealworms. The mealworms got stuck in the adhesive, and Katrina and Amy began to stomp them to death.
"Die! Die, motherfucker! Die, die, die! Die!" Katrina screamed.
Amy put her hand on her lower back to calm her. "I think he did, Trina."
Back in the nave, Giles punched the vampire twice while Tara kept holding on. Kendra jumped over Spike when he tried to knock her legs out from under her. She tried another roundhouse kick, but he blocked it. He used the momentum of the block to spin around and hit her again. Patrice got back up and came for Buffy. She ducked a kick from Buffy and lunged at her with her blades, but Buffy handily blocked her. She swung at Buffy's face with one, but Buffy ducked out of the way.
Kendra swung at Spike and was blocked. Spike landed another hit on her. Buffy punched Patrice in the face and sent her staggering back into the wall again. Spike punched Kendra again and followed up with a roundhouse kick. She hit the floor and scrambled back up again.
Buffy noticed her getting knocked around. "Switch!"
She bent over, and Kendra rolled over her back to face Patrice, immediately landing a punch and knocking her into the wall a third time. Buffy faced Spike.
Spike smiled. "I'd rather be fightin' you, anyway."
"Mutual."
She blocked his thrust, then kicked him in the face and again in the gut. He doubled over and fell to the floor but quickly got back up. Buffy blocked a punch from Spike, and another, but then he landed punches to her stomach and face. She blocked his next swing and held his arm while she punched him twice in the face. She grabbed his coat and pulled him around and threw him over several pews and into the wall. Behind another pew, Willy got up. Spike growled as he stood back up and saw Willy trying to sneak out of the church.
Spike rushed over and grabbed him by the back of the neck. "Where are you going?"
"Now, there's a way in which this isn't my fault!"
"They tricked you."
"Mm-hm! They were duplicitous!"
"Well, then I'll only kill you just this once." Spike went for the bite.
"Spike!" Drusilla cried, weakly.
Spike stopped before biting Willy and looked over at her. He saw Cordelia trying to untie them. He let go of Willy and rushed over to the altar, grabbed Cordelia, and shoved her to the floor. He backhand-punched her as she got back up, knocking her down again. Willy wasted no time running out of the church past Tara and Giles, who were still fighting the other vampire.
Giles had a stake raised to kill him. "Hold him steady!"
"Stop struggling, you fucking asshole!" Tara snapped the vampire's neck, causing him to stop moving. "Now, Mr. Giles!"
Giles plunged the stake into the vampire's heart, killing him. Amy and Katrina ran into the back of the nave. Patrice threw Kendra over a knocked-over pew and climbed over after her. She swung at Kendra twice but missed both times when Kendra ducked. She swung again and this time slashed her in the arm.
Kendra grabbed her wound and looked down at it. "Dat's me favrit shirt! Dat's me only shirt!"
Now, Kendra was really mad, and she kicked Patrice in the back of the knee, making her lose her balance. She grabbed Patrice by the arm and threw her into a cabinet in front of the organ, smashing it to pieces and knocking her out. Kendra ran over to join the others. Spike took a torch from its wall hanger and threw it into a pile of old drapes, setting them ablaze.
"Look out!" Amy yelled.
Spike unstrapped Drusilla from Angel. "Sorry, baby. Gotta go." He lifted her into his arms and started up the aisle. "Hope that was enough."
With nothing holding him up anymore, Angel fell to the floor behind them. Cordelia crawled over to him and saw Spike making his escape. She stood up and grabbed the censer from the altar. She swung it around her head by its chain a few times and launched it at Spike. It hit him in the back of the head, and he stumbled into the church organ. The keyboard console collapsed under his weight.
Cordelia grinned. "I'm good!"
A moment later, the organ superstructure collapsed onto Spike and Drusilla - with its huge brass pipes clanging and rolling everywhere.
Cordelia turned her attention back to Angel and helped him sit up. She cradled his head with her arm. "Hi."
Kendra saw the way that they looked at each other. Cordelia brushed Angel's cheek. Giles and the others watched them through the flames.
Kendra ran over and crouched down next to Cordelia and Angel. "Let's get him out!"
Angel moaned as they began to help him up.
"Careful!" Cordelia admonished her.
Kendra nodded. "C'mon."
With their help, he got to his feet. Kendra got under his arm to support him. The others ran out of the church as the three of them made their way up the aisle and out the other door.
The next day, Tara walked into the school lounge and saw Oz getting a box of animal crackers from a vending machine. His arm was in a sling.
Oz straightened up and saw Tara there. "Oh, hey!" He offered the box. "Animal cracker?"
Tara smiled. "No, thank you. How's your arm? You can still play the guitar okay?"
"Oh, not well, but not worse."
They started to walk down the hall. Oz tried to open the box.
Tara took the box from him and opened it. "Y'know, I never really thanked you."
"Ooh, yeah, please don't. I don't do thanks."
Tara handed back the open box.
"I get all red. Have to bail. It's not pretty."
Tara smiled. "Well, then forget that thing. E-Especially with the part where I kind of owe you my life."
Oz pulled out a cookie and stopped. "Oh, look! Monkey! And he has a little hat. And little pants."
Tara smiled. "Yeah, I-I see!"
"The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that?" Oz asked her.
"I'll...take your word for it."
They continued down the hall.
"So I'm wondering...do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like, is the hippo going 'Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity!' And you know the monkey's just 'I mock you with my monkey pants!' And there's a big coup in the zoo."
Tara was utterly bewildered. "O...kaaay."
In front of the school, Buffy and Cordelia were walking Kendra to her taxi.
Kendra looked at Buffy. "Tank you for de shirt; it was very generous of you."
"Hey, it looks better on...well, me, but no worries. Now, when you get to the airport-"
"I get on de plane with me ticket and sit in a seat. Not de cargo hold."
"Very good."
"Dat is not traveling undercover."
"Exactly. Relax! You earned it. Sit in your seat, you eat your peanuts, you watch the movie, well, unless it's about a dog or Chevy Chase."
"I'll remember." Kendra opened the cab door.
Cordelia looked at Kendra. "I, um...I just wanted to apologize for what I said...and to thank you...for helping me save Angel."
"Mm. Am not tellin' me Watcher about dat. It is too strange dat a human loves a vampire."
Cordelia smirked. "Tell me about it."
"Still, he is pretty cute."
Cordelia grinned. "Yes, it is."
Buffy looked at Kendra. "And they haven't fired me for working with him."
Kendra looked at Buffy. "You always do dat."
"Do what?"
"You talk about slaying like it's a job. It's not. It's who you are."
"Did you get that from your handbook?"
"From you."
"I guess it's something I really can't fight."
Cordelia smiled. "Buffy's a freak."
"Not de only freak."
Buffy smiled. "Not anymore."
They looked at each other for a moment, then Buffy made a move to hug Kendra, but she backed away.
"I don't hug."
"Right. No. Good. Hate hugs."
Kendra smiled at them and got into the cab. Buffy and Cordelia held up their hands in goodbye. They watched as the taxi pulled away.