"Bad Eggs"
Based on the Episode Written by Marti Noxon
The following story is copyright © 2022 by Mark Moore.
Things had not been going well for Buffy in the month since she'd taken Ted Buchanan's life. Christmas was a non-event, which Buffy had mixed feelings about, considering it would have been a reminder of the fact that the family was no longer together. She hadn't received a present; she hadn't expected any. She gave her mother some money toward her van, and that was it. On the plus side, Buffy and Tara made love.
Buffy sometimes met with Lilah to discuss legal strategy, not that there was much to discuss. The police hadn't questioned her again, and they were still apparently "looking into it" and hadn't made a decision on whether to charge Buffy with a crime (murder or otherwise) or not. Buffy hated the lack of news but also welcomed it. She still had nightmares, but they didn't come as often.
Since Buffy was taking a break from her Slayer duties for the foreseeable future, her mother had seen fit to ground her for the foreseeable future, which included confiscating her keys. Buffy spent most of her time in her bedroom, where she did homework, studied, and practiced music, not that there were many gigs lined up.
And so it went, day after day. Buffy didn't complain. She knew she was on thin ice with her mother and didn't have the moral authority to win an argument, which was why, in early January, it surprised her when her mother suggested they go to Sunnydale Mall together to hang out. Buffy readily agreed. She guessed her mother was trying to reach out to her and rebuild their relationship.
Buffy and her mother were walking along near the railing on the second floor. Joyce had a shopping bag in each hand, and Buffy had on a small backpack.
"Come on, Mom, please?" Buffy begged.
"I'm sorry, honey."
"Don't you understand how important this is?"
"It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy."
"But I looked good in it."
"You looked like a streetwalker."
"But a thin streetwalker."
Her mom gave her a look.
"That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?" Buffy guessed.
"You're just too young to wear that."
"Yeah, and I'm gonna be too young to wear it until I'm too old to wear it."
"That's the idea." Joyce stopped and looked around. "The stores are closing, and I still need to order the flyers for the opening." She considered, then put both bags in one hand and pulled out a slip of paper. "Okay. I'll go to the printers and then get our food; you go to the tailor and pick up my outfit from Everyday Woman." She handed Buffy the slip of paper.
Buffy looked at the paper. "Everyday Woman?"
"Mm-hm. There's the receipt."
"Why didn't you just go to Muu-Muus R Us?" Buffy asked her.
"Do now, make fun of your mother later." Joyce walked off.
Buffy reluctantly started for the tailors. She got on the escalator to go to the ground floor. She looked around idly as she descended. She saw a cowboy and his girlfriend come up the other escalator. She noticed the cowboy had fangs. Immediately, she turned and ran back up the escalator, weaving between the people coming down on it behind her.
The cowboy and the girl went around a corner. Buffy walked quickly to catch up. She entered a back hallway. Buffy slowly walked past a bank of payphones by the restrooms and looked around for them, apparently having lost them. She continued down the hall and heard a pinball machine. Reaching the rear door of the arcade, she saw the metal gate had been bent and forced open. She quietly squeezed by the gate and went in.
The place was deserted and quiet except for the sound of the one machine. She walked around one side of a bank of game machines.
"Turn around, baby, I have somethin' to show ya."
"Wait a sec. This is my high score."
Buffy reached them. The girl was hammering away at the flipper controls.
The cowboy took off his hat and came up behind the girl. He took her hair and swept it away from her neck. His fangs were out. "Well, ain't you just got the prettiest little neck I ever did see?" He moved in for the bite.
"Boy, you assholes really never come up with any new lines, do you?" Buffy asked him.
The two of them looked over at Buffy, annoyed.
"Do you mind?" the girl asked her. "We were talking here."
Buffy stared down the vampire. "But you promised you'd never cheat on me again, honey."
The girl pulled her bag onto her arm. "Um, I better go."
"But I ain't done yet."
She turned to look at him and gasped in fear when she saw his teeth. She ran from the arcade.
The vampire looked back at Buffy. "All right, sugar lips." He put on his hat and faced off with her. "Giddy-up!"
He threw a punch at Buffy, but she blocked it and punched him in the face and the penis. He grabbed his penis, and Buffy shoved him into another pinball machine.
He looked up at her and gave her an evil smile. "Well, you're a rough one, ain't cha! I like that!"
He came at her again with a swing, which she readily blocked. He swung again, and she ducked the blow. He grabbed her by the arms and threw her into a pinball machine. The plate glass on the top and back panel shattered as she landed on it hard.
The cowboy rushed over and grabbed her by the straps of her backpack. "You must be that Slayer I've been hearin' so much about. Lyle Gorch. Pleased to meet cha!"
Buffy got her leg between them and kicked him off her. He staggered into another machine.
"Pleasure's mine!" Buffy yelled.
She leaped off the machine at him, and he ducked and rolled out of the way. She spun around to face him and had a stake in her hand, up and ready.
Lyle rolled up to his feet, grabbing his hat in midair along the way, and put it back on. He pointed at her. "This ain't over!" He spun around and hightailed it out of there.
Buffy walked into the food court and spotted her mom at a table with their food from Wok Like An Egyptian, waiting for her. Joyce stared at the food, looking bored and watching it get cold. She looked up as Buffy arrived.
"Oh, bliss." Buffy sat down and looked at her food. "Mall food." She looked up.
"Buffy?"
"Mom?" Buffy asked.
"Where's my dress?"
Buffy was confused. "Your dr...? Oh." She winced. "Oh, God."
"Let me guess: you were distracted by clothes."
Buffy cringed. "More like a guy."
Joyce raised an eyebrow.
"Of the fangy variety."
Joyce leaned back. "Buffy..."
Buffy sighed. "Look, I-I can go get it right now."
"They're closed. I'll just have to fit it in tomorrow."
"Sorry."
"A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides clothes?"
"Saving the world from vampires?" Buffy suggested pointedly.
Joyce crossed her arms and shook her head. "I swear, sometimes, I don't know what goes on in your head."
Buffy just looked back at her, and then she frowned. "I saved a girl's life. I'm not going to apologize for that."
Joyce sighed. "All right, I get it. Don't worry about the dress."
Buffy picked up her plastic fork, stabbed at some pork, and stuck it in her mouth.
"But you're still grounded until further notice."
"Yes, ma'am."
The next day, at Sunnydale High School, in Teen Health class, the teacher, Mr. Whitmore, was writing 'sex' on the board.
"S-E-X. Sex." Mr. Whitmore faced the class. "The sex drive in the human animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings? Of course, for teenagers such as yourselves, these feelings are even more overwhelming. With all sorts of hormones surging through your bodies, compelling you to action, it's often difficult to remember that there are negative consequences to, uh, having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence?"
Cordelia raised her hand, and Mr. Whitmore indicated her, giving her the floor.
"Well, that depends. Are you talking about sex in the car or out of the car?" Cordelia asked him.
Mr. Whitmore looked confused.
"Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miata at - parked at the top of the hill, and then she kicked the gearshift, and - and-"
"Yeah, I-I was thinking of something a little more commonplace, Ms. Chase."
Tara raised her hand. He indicated that she should speak.
"How about pregnancy? That would be a major one, right?" Tara asked.
"Thank you, Ms. Maclay! Among teens, unwanted pregnancy is the number one negative consequence of sexual activity. So, as discussed last week, I present you with..." He took a sheet off two trays of eggs. "...your offspring. You may go it alone or pair into parenting teams. If you opt for the latter, you and your partner will share equally in the daily task of raising your egg. Now, please choose a partner, if desired, and come pick up your children."
In the library, Buffy walked over to the card catalog, pulled out a drawer, and began going through the cards. Giles was in the cage behind her. Cordelia opened the door for Tara, and they walked in.
"Buffy! How come you weren't in class?" Tara asked.
"Vampire issues. Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy?"
Cordelia looked at her. "I think the word you're searching for is 'absent'. Tardy people show."
Buffy frowned. "Right."
"And, yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this." Tara handed her an egg.
Buffy rolled the egg around in her hands. "As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract."
"No, it's your baby!" Tara smiled.
Buffy was confused. "Okay, I get it even less."
"You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe."
"I can't do this! I can't take care of things! I killed my Giga Pet. Literally. I sat on it, and it broke." Buffy set the egg down on top of the catalog, moaned, and quickly walked over to a book re-shelving cart.
"You'll do fine!" Tara assured her.
Buffy looked at Tara. "Why aren't we partnered?"
Tara shrugged. "I figured it'd be impractical, what with you being grounded and all."
Buffy nodded, suddenly feeling worse. "Right."
"Success!" Giles came out of the cage with a book. "At last. Your playmate is a fellow of repute, it seems."
He moved to set the book on top of Buffy's egg. She inhaled in fright and quickly snatched it away. Tara and Cordelia looked on in wide-eyed surprise.
Giles pointed out a picture in the book. "That's, um, Lyle Gorch, and that one's his brother, Tector. They're from Abilene. They, uh, they made their reputation by massacring an entire Mexican village in 1886." He took off his glasses to clean them.
Buffy looked at the photograph. "Friendly little demons."
"That was before they became vampires."
Buffy raised her eyebrows at Giles. Tara and Cordelia exchanged a look.
"B-But, um, the good news is that they're...not amongst the great thinkers of our times. I doubt if they're up to much. They're probably just drawn here by the, uh, Hellmouth's energy." Giles put his glasses back on.
"Okay, so should I take 'em on, or are you still in your funk?" Cordelia asked Buffy.
Buffy looked at Cordelia, hurt.
"I-I don't think you should underestimate them. I mean...y-you may need to have some help if - if - if - if..." Giles noticed the eggs. "Why do you all have eggs?"
Tara looked at Cordelia and smiled. "Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches."
Giles was still confused. "Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that scenario."
Cordelia stared at Buffy. "Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up!"
That evening, in the park, Cordelia and Angel were locked in a passionate kiss.
Cordelia broke off. "I really-"
"I know."
They continued kissing.
After a few seconds, Cordelia broke off again. "You know, this isn't hunting in the classical sense. We should-"
"You're right."
They kissed some more. A few moments later, they broke off again.
"Okay."
"Okay." Cordelia kissed Angel. "Okay."
They walked side by side for a few paces.
"You see anything?" Cordelia asked him.
"No."
"Okay." Cordelia faced him. "Enough hunting."
They began their passionate kissing with renewed vigor.
Buffy walked into her room and over to her bed. "Okay, little egg dude." She sat down and opened her egg diary. "Let's see. Feeding? Check." She marked it. "Burping? Eeeew..." She made a face. "Check." She marked it. "Diapers?" She looked at the egg's basket. "Sort of, in theory, I guess." She marked it and put the pen in the binder coil. "Okay." She set the notepad down and crawled under the covers. She yawned and looked at her egg in its basket on her night stand. "Good night, Eggbert." She tapped her egg gently and then reached up and turned off the light. She pulled up the covers and settled in to sleep.
In the morning, Buffy's alarm went off, and she woke. She reached out to hit the snooze button.
Buffy ran her hand through her hair, sat up, and moaned. "Oh..." She paused in discomfort. "Oh, God..."
She got up out of bed.
Buffy walked into the kitchen, set her egg down on the island, sat down on the stool, took the cup that was sitting there, and sipped the tea.
Joyce brought the toast over to the island on a plate. "At least eat something."
"Not that hungry."
Joyce looked at her daughter sadly, broke off a piece of toast, and munched it. She indicated the egg. "How's the parenting going?"
"Fine."
"Are you sure your egg is secure in that?"
Buffy looked at her. "Did I ask for backseat mommying?"
Joyce gave her a look. "Are we a little touchy this morning?"
"No, I just feel all funky."
"Hmm." Joyce felt her forehead. "You don't have a fever."
"Oh, no, it's not that; I just...I didn't sleep well."
Joyce bent down to her daughter. "What's the matter? Is it...?"
"No. Not this time."
"Your egg keep you up all night?" Joyce joked.
Buffy gave her mom a look. "You're killing me. Parenting's a pain in the ass!"
Joyce straightened up and smiled smugly. "Wait till it starts dating."
Buffy let out an exasperated breath and stood up. "I'll be in the Jeep." She picked up her egg and left.
In the library, Giles was returning some books to the shelves. He walked out from behind the stacks to see Cordelia, Tara, and Buffy looking up at him from the bottom of the steps.
"Oh! Why are you three hanging about? Don't you have classes to go to?" Giles asked them.
Tara shook her head. "Teen Health got canceled."
Cordelia nodded. "Mr. Whitmore's out."
Buffy and Tara walked up a few steps.
"Well, then, can you give me a hand?" Giles asked them.
"No. Sorry." Buffy and Tara sat down on the steps.
Cordelia hopped up the steps to the mezzanine level and started to shelve some books.
"How did the, um...hunt go last night, Cordelia?" Giles asked.
"No go."
"Uh, 'no', 'no' you didn't go, or - or - or you were unsuccessful?" Giles asked in confusion.
"No Gorches."
"Apparently, Cordy has decided the problem with the English language is all those pesky words." Buffy looked at her. "You...Angel...big...smoochies?"
Cordelia stared at her. "Shut...up."
Giles looked at Buffy and Tara. "Buffy, Tara, you two seem a little sluggish. Are you quite sure everything's all right?"
Buffy and Tara exchanged a look.
Tara shrugged. "Maybe something we ate."
Cordelia grinned. "Each other?"
Tara blushed.
Buffy sighed. "Not since New Year's."
"Or perhaps it's the burden of parenthood. Notice how seriously you two have taken this egg thing."
Buffy and Tara clutched their egg baskets.
"While I, in turn, have, uh, well, chosen a more balanced approach." Cordelia took her egg out of her shirt pocket and started tossing it around.
Tara was concerned. "Cordy, maybe you shouldn't-"
"That's exactly what I'm talking about." Cordelia tossed her egg repeatedly. "You can't stress over every little thing! A child picks up on that. Which is a one-way ticket to Neurotic City."
She tossed the egg again but missed the next catch. Buffy and Tara gasped in fright as the egg hit the floor. Giles let out a yelp, too, but then stared at the egg curiously. It just wobbled to a stop, unbroken.
Tara was surprised. "It didn't break!" She grew suspicious and eyed Cordelia. "How come it didn't break?"
"Which is another secret to conscientious egg care: pot of scalding water and about eight minutes."
"You boiled your young?" Tara asked her in shock.
"Yeah! I know it sounds cruel, and I'm not necessarily suggesting boiling an actual human baby would yield the same results, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind! I mean...you can bet that little Cordelia here is thick-skinned now." Cordelia reached down for the egg and picked it up.
"Technically, that would be cheating, yes?" Giles reached up to put a book on a high shelf.
"No! It's like a shortcut. You know, when you run a race?" Cordelia asked.
Buffy looked at her. "That would also be cheating."
Giles looked at Cordelia. "I suppose there is a sort of...Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression."
"I resent that!" Cordelia told him.
Giles gave her a look.
"Or possibly thank you." Cordelia shrugged. "Anyway, maybe I'll sweep the cemetery?"
"And Angel's helping you, right?" Tara asked her.
Buffy chuckled. "'Helping'."
Cordelia gave Buffy a look. "He does what he can."
That night, in the cemetery, Cordelia and Angel were engaged in a passionate kissing session once again.
"Ahh..." Cordelia kissed Angel and then broke off. "As much as I hate to say this, we should really go kill bad guys." She kissed him again.
"It's late. You should really get home. Hmm?" Angel kissed her.
"What about the Gorches?" Cordelia kissed him.
"I'll hunt." Angel kissed her.
"Really?" Cordelia pulled back and smiled. "You'd do that?"
"Not like I have an early day tomorrow."
Cordelia kissed him. "Mm, true."
They started walking.
"I still have to go home and fill out my egg diary."
"Your what?"
"Oh, I told you, that faux parenting gig we're doing at school." Cordelia faced him. "Like I'm really planning to have kids anytime soon. Uh, maybe someday, in the future, when I'm done having a life, but...right now, kids would be just a little too much to deal with."
"I wouldn't know." Angel looked at her. "I don't..." He paused. "Well, you know, I-I can't."
"Oh." Cordelia looked away briefly, then back at him. "That's okay, um...I-I figured there were all sorts of things vampires couldn't do. You know, like work for the telephone company or volunteer for the Red Cross or...have little vampires."
"So you don't think about the future?" Angel asked her.
"No."
"Never?"
"No."
Angel swallowed. "You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?"
"Angel, when I look into the future, a-a...all I see is you! All I want is you."
"I know the feeling."
He reached down to kiss her. He found her lips, and she responded. They kissed more and more passionately.
Buffy walked into her room, and her egg rocking in its basket immediately grabbed her attention. She stared at it a second and then walked over to it. She bent down to look at it closely, not having expected it to hatch and curious about it. She got closer and closer, staring at it intently. The top half of the shell cracked into thirds. Suddenly, two of the pieces flew away while the third just fell back, and she saw a purplish-gray thing with tentacles was curled up inside of it. It jumped out at her, and she reacted instantly. It missed her, landed on the floor, and quickly crawled under her bed.
Buffy was stunned but quickly regained her composure and reached down into her wicker laundry basket for her iron. She stood back up and looked at the darkness under her bedspread. Slowly, she approached her bed and kneeled down. She quickly raised the spread and looked underneath with the iron held ready to smash anything that might come at her. Nothing.
She stood back up and scanned around her room. Whatever it was, it was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, it fell onto her shoulder from above. It tried to crawl down her back, but she grabbed it and flung it off. It crawled quickly behind her desk and along the wall, past her bookcase, toward her bed. She looked for a different weapon and grabbed a pair of scissors from her desk. The creature, in the meantime, had disappeared again. She approached her bed with the scissors held ready to stab.
Behind her, the hatchling crawled up the wall. Buffy sensed it and swung around with the scissors and stabbed it dead center. She pulled it off the wall, impaled on the scissors, and slammed it to the floor. She stepped on its tail to hold it down while she stabbed it several more times.
Satisfied of its demise, she dropped the scissors and crawled backward to lean against her bed. Her next thought was to call Tara. She frantically grabbed for her phone on the night stand and knocked it and the clock to the floor. She grabbed the receiver and nervously tapped in the numbers. The phone started ringing.
"Come on! Pick up!" Buffy exclaimed in frustration.
"Hello?" Tara asked.
"Tara! Are you okay?"
"Why shouldn't I be?"
"Your egg! I-Is it doing anything?"
"Doing what?"
"Break it! Right now! I want you to smash it with something heavy!"
"Buffy, what-"
"My egg! It went...It went postal on me! The thing hatched, and it - it sprung this creepy-crawly thing, and it attacked me!"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, no, I'm fine, but - but your egg!"
"I-Is totally normal. Uh, I put it in the fridge."
"Oh."
"Maybe it's a trap. Something the Gorch bothers planted for you?"
"Maybe. Yeah, uh...I'm sorry, I shouldn't have woken you. Uh, g-go back to sleep."
"You sure?"
"Yeah! Yeah, I'm - I'm better. I'm - I'm fine."
"Okay. I'll see ya tomorrow."
Buffy lowered the phone and turned it off. She put her phone and its cradle back on her night stand behind her clock.
Suddenly, she heard her door open and her mother coming in.
"What's going on in here?" Joyce asked her. "Buffy, who are you talking to at this hour of the night? Who was that on the phone?" She came in further.
"Tara. Some kind of hellspawn hatched from my egg, so I was just calling to make sure her egg wasn't doing the same."
Joyce crossed her arms. "You're gonna have to do much better than that, young lady."
Buffy indicated the dead creature.
Joyce looked down at it and made a face, grossed out. "Oh, God!"
The next morning, Joyce pulled their Jeep to a stop in front of the school. "Now, school ends at 2:30. I want you to go to the library at 2:33 and study until I pick you up there at 5:30. Understood?"
"Yeah."
"Good. Have a nice day."
Buffy unfastened her seatbelt, grabbed her backpack, and got out of the car. She closed the door behind her and pulled on the backpack while she watched her mother drive off. She climbed the stairs up from the street and went over to Cordelia, who just finished talking with a friend. She had a teddy bear backpack.
"Nice bear. Listen, is your-"
"Hey, I'll have you know that my father brought this bear back from Gstaad years ago. Then, all of a sudden, these trendoids everywhere started sporting them. So I'm totally not wearing it. Then I thought, hey, I'm the one who started this nationwide craze! What am I ashamed of?"
"Okay, Soliloquy Girl, I just wanted to ask about your egg."
"My egg?" Cordelia asked.
"Yeah. Your egg. The one Mr. Whitmore gave you."
"It's in my bear."
"So...your egg isn't acting odd or anything?"
"It isn't acting anything. It's an egg, Buffy; it doesn't emote." Cordelia saw another friend. "Shanisse!" She walked away. "Is that your real hair?"
Buffy watched her go. Tara put her hand on Buffy's shoulder, and she turned to face her.
"Hey!" Tara greeted.
"Hi!" Buffy kissed Tara on the lips.
Buffy and Tara joined hands and walked across the grass. Behind them, Cordelia caught up as she looked through a book.
"So...was there anymore hatchling activity last night?" Tara asked Buffy.
"No. Uh, you were probably right. It was just a trap from them set for me." Buffy saw Cordelia and indicated her. "And, mm, everyone else's egg seemed perfectly normal."
"Did you bring the thing that attacked you?" Tara asked her.
"Yeah. Giles wants to see it. He's in full research mode."
"Okay. Well, bring it to the science lab, and I'll get Mr. Giles, and we'll analyze it."
Buffy nodded. "Great. You know, I always say that a day without an autopsy...is like a day without sunshine."
In the science lab, the hatchling was laid out in a dissection tray. Cordelia tapped her fingers on the table as she and Buffy looked at it.
"Can I just say Gyughhh!" Cordelia exclaimed.
"I see your 'Gyughhh!' and raise you a Nyaghhh!" Buffy replied.
"What is it?" Cordelia asked her.
"We don't know what it is, Cordelia; that's why we're here."
Tara walked into the lab.
Buffy looked at her. "Hey, where's Giles? I know he won't wanna miss this."
"He said to get started. He'll be by as soon as possible."
"So...okay! Get started, Buffy! Dissect it or something." Cordelia handed her a scalpel.
Buffy took the blade. "Me? Why do I have to dissect it?"
"Uh, because you're the Slayer?" Cordelia reasoned.
"And I slayed! My work here is done." Buffy put the scalpel on the table in front of Cordelia.
"Guys..." Tara took the scalpel and started the dissection.
"Do we even know what to look for? I mean...how are we supposed to figure out what this thing is?" Cordelia asked.
Buffy nodded at it. "Turn it over. Maybe we missed its ID bracelet."
The two of them watched for a while as Tara worked.
Buffy stared at it. "So...now I guess, uh, we know what happened to Mr. Whitmore."
"He saw this and ran away?" Cordelia guessed.
Buffy looked at her. "Try best-case scenario."
Tara dropped one hand down but continued working. "It's possible that Mr. Whitmore wasn't harmed. Maybe the offspring simply used him to return to the mother bezoar."
"Yeah. Maybe he..." Cordelia turned to Tara. "What?"
Tara held up a metal bar, which she wielded like a baseball bat.
Buffy looked at her. "What's a bez-"
Tara hit Buffy in the face with the bar, knocking her down and out.
Cordelia looked at Tara. "Tara! What-"
Tara picked up a microscope and hit Cordelia over the head with it.
Buffy regained consciousness and found herself in a dark room that she guessed was a utility closet. She reached up for the light string and gave it a yank. She took a quick look around and then looked down at Cordelia, still out cold on the floor.
"Hey! Cordy!" Buffy slapped Cordelia's cheek. "Hey! You all right?"
Cordelia woke, moaned, and blinked her eyes. "What the fuck happened?" She rubbed her head. "I think I have head trauma."
Buffy helped her sit up. "Tell me about it." She felt her head. "I'm gonna have a big bump."
Buffy offered her hands to Cordelia. Cordelia took hold of Buffy's hands. Buffy helped her stand up.
"Thanks. What - What the fuck's goin' on? Tara?" Cordelia asked.
They looked around the room.
"Something to do with the hatchlings, I'm sure of it." Buffy tried the door but found it locked.
"What, is she possessed?" Cordelia asked.
"I don't know. But she sure wanted us out of the way."
Cordelia held her head in pain. "Well, why not kill us?" She let go of her head. "Why, uh, why drag us in here?"
Buffy spotted two eggs on the floor. Cordelia followed her gaze. One of them was rocking.
"Oh, shit." Cordelia stepped back. "Bad now."
Buffy looked around for something heavy and saw a toolbox. She picked it up from the shelf, raised it, and smashed it onto the two eggs. A dark blue slime squirted out around the toolbox. Then she kicked open the door.
Cordelia held her head again. "Thank you." She moaned and followed Buffy out.
Buffy and Cordelia rushed into the library.
"Giles!" Buffy called.
"Giles!" Cordelia called.
They looked around but found the place deserted.
Cordelia looked at Buffy. "He must be out somewhere."
Buffy looked at her. "Well, he picked a helluva time to get a life."
"What are we gonna do?" Cordelia asked her.
"We can't fight these things until we know something about 'em."
Cordelia thought. "All right, Tara said something. Uh, a name. What was it?"
"A bozo! Not a bozo."
"A bezoar."
"That's it! Okay, so now...we look it up?" Buffy guessed.
"In what?" Cordelia asked her.
"A book?" Buffy suggested.
They looked over at the counter, where there were several books lying open, and went over to them.
"Giles said he was gonna try to find something..." Buffy took the book on top that was open to a picture and turned it around to look at it.
The sketch was of a disk-shaped, tentacled monster.
Buffy was grossed out. "And I'd say he found something."
Cordelia moved around her to have a look herself, stepped on half of an eggshell, and looked down at it. "I'd say something found him."
"'Pre-pre-historic parasite. The mother hibernates underground, laying eggs. The offspring then attach themselves to a host, taking control of their motor functions through neural clamping.'"
"'Neural clamping.' That sounds skippable."
"So...our people are taking orders from the mama bezoar. Which begs the question-"
"What does Mama want?" Cordelia asked.
"Somebody help me!" a male student screamed out in the hall.
They ran out to investigate.
"Get this thing off me! Get this..." He paused. "Somebody help me! Help!"
Buffy and Cordelia arrived and saw Jonathan Levinson get up.
"Are you okay?" Buffy asked him.
"I'm fine. I slipped." Jonathan turned and headed down the hall.
Buffy and Cordelia exchanged a look, each catching his deadpan tone.
"I think I hear Mommy calling."
Cordelia nodded. "Uh-huh."
They followed Jonathan down the hall.
Jonathan walked into the boiler room. Buffy and Cordelia peeked in and, seeing no one else was there, followed him in. Around the corner from the boilers, they saw Jonathan climb through a hole and head down a tunnel.
"Do we really wanna go in there?" Cordelia asked Buffy.
"We really don't."
They exchanged another look and made for the hole. Buffy climbed in and looked back at Cordelia before continuing down the tunnel.
"Careful." Cordelia started through as well but didn't lift her foot high enough and tripped through the hole and fell into the tunnel.
Jonathan walked into the room below. Behind him, Buffy and Cordelia peeked into the room. There was digging and egg-gathering activity going on.
"What are they diggin' up?" Cordelia asked.
Buffy saw the pink mother bezoar in the pit. "Oh, shit."
She saw Tara handing Mr. Whitmore an egg.
"We can't let them spread those eggs."
"I'll handle it. Um, can you, uh, hold down the fort?" Cordelia asked Buffy. "That is...are you okay?"
"I'll manage, but I'm gonna need a weapon. I'm gonna need a big weapon."
"Yeah."
Buffy headed back up the tunnel to see what she could find in the way of a weapon. Cordelia went into actress mode and started walking into the room, staring blankly ahead. Giles handed her a chunk of concrete to carry away. She took it and dropped it to the side. Harmony and another student started into a utility tunnel with a box of eggs. Cordelia followed them.
Buffy stepped through the hole back into the boiler room and looked around for anything that might be of use. She spotted a barrel with several scrap pieces of pipe and grabbed the largest one. She turned and saw the Gorch brothers.
"I told you this weren't over."
"She's so cute. And little. Think we can keep her?" Tector asked.
"Guys, this really isn't a great time."
"Oh, it's gonna be." Lyle smiled.
Buffy jammed the pipe into both of their faces and again into Lyle's gut. Tector punched her, and she stumbled toward the hole a bit but turned around and kicked him in the chest, sending him back into some metal shelves.
"All right! That's my brother!" Lyle charged Buffy and grabbed her.
They went flying through the hole and into the tunnel. They tumbled out of the tunnel and onto the floor. They both quickly got up and faced off, but Lyle was distracted by all of the activity.
"What the hell is this?" Lyle asked.
Buffy saw her mother with a pick going back to continue digging next to Tara.
"Mom?" Buffy called.
Joyce looked up at her.
Tara looked up at Buffy and Lyle. "Kill them."
Several students started to advance on Buffy and Lyle. She did a roundhouse kick and got two of them. Lyle ducked a swing with a shovel from another and hit him in the back, knocking him to the floor. Buffy followed up her kick with two more and then sidestepped Giles as he swung his crowbar at her. He stumbled past her and into the wall behind her. Lyle backhand-punched another one and picked the one up from the floor and threw him back.
Buffy pushed a boy with a pick away from her and followed up with a kick to his head, making him flip over backward. Giles came at her again from behind, and she grabbed him and shoved him into the next attacker. Lyle punched a girl, and she spun away. Buffy kicked another one in the gut.
Lyle picked another one up off the floor and tossed him aside. "What the hell is goin' on?!" He punched another student.
Buffy kicked still another. "Long story."
Lyle hit a boy over the head with a chunk of concrete. The students had all been knocked back, so Lyle turned his attention back to Buffy. He smiled at her and took a swing. She ducked it and punched him in the gut and face. He swung again, and she ducked again. His momentum turned him around, and she kicked him in the back. The students started coming again, and Buffy and Lyle each punched one.
In the utility tunnel, Harmony and the other student turned a corner and walked down a side tunnel. Cordelia followed them at a short distance behind. The far end of the tunnel appeared to exit onto a body of water. Cordelia walked up behind the student and shoved him into the wall, knocking him out. Harmony turned and saw, set the box down, and took a swing at Cordelia. Cordelia ducked away and got around her, blocking her way to the water and holding her hands out in front of her.
"Harmony!" Cordelia cried. "I don't wanna hurt ya. Some of the time."
When Harmony didn't make another move against her, Cordelia bent down to pick up the box. Harmony punched down at her head.
Cordelia stood back up and yelled out in pain and frustration, trying to restrain herself. "That's my bump!"
Cordelia couldn't hold back any longer and punched Harmony. Harmony spun around and fell unconscious to the floor. Cordelia raised her hands in disbelief and regret.
In the underground room, Buffy and Lyle continued to fight the students coming at them. Lyle got hit and staggered into the wall. Buffy kicked one.
Tector finally showed up at the tunnel mouth and rubbed his hands together. "Well, all right!" He spit into both hands to get ready to fight but noticed the mother bezoar and let it distract him. He walked over to the edge of the pit and looked in. "Well, looky there!"
He bent over the pit for a better look. The mother bezoar opened its eye and looked up at him.
Tector smiled. "Well, hello!"
Mama sent up a tentacle and wrapped it around his neck. He began to choke as he struggled not to get pulled in. He lost out and fell into the pit. Buffy and Lyle watched it happen.
"Tector!" Lyle yelled.
Tector's boots disappeared into the pit.
"Tector?" Lyle asked.
The bezoar let out a deep, loud belch.
Lyle looked over at Buffy. "This is all your fault!"
"How?" Buffy asked him, incredulous.
Lyle took her by the shoulder and flipped her over onto her back. Joyce came up to her and swung her pick down at her. Buffy rolled out of the way, but her feet ended up over the bezoar's pit. Mama wrapped a tentacle around her ankles and pulled her in. Buffy grabbed Joyce's pick and dragged it in with her.
Buffy and the mother bezoar began to fight. She slashed at the bezoar repeatedly, and it screamed in agony. With each slash, more and more of the bezoar's blood and slime covered Buffy. The bezoar let out a dying scream, and its eye closed. Buffy threw the pick out of the hole. Buffy reached up and pulled herself up and out of the pit. She was streaked with blood and slime. She stood up and faced Lyle. He couldn't believe his eyes.
Lyle nodded. "All right." He tipped his hat. "It's over." He turned and hightailed it out of there.
Buffy just watched him go. Then she looked all around. The students and adults were all lying on the floor, unconscious, the hatchlings all fallen from their hosts.
Buffy walked over to Tara and gently shook her. "Tara, sweetie."
Tara slowly regained consciousness and opened her eyes. "Hey, Buffy. What happened?"
"You were infected. I killed the mother parasite, and everyone's cured."
"Oh. Nifty." Tara stood up. "I'll help you wake everyone up."
"Thanks."
Tara stared at her girlfriend. "You look like shit."
"Well, I wouldn't be surprised if there's at least some shit on me. Actually, y'know what? I'm gonna go to the girls' locker room and hit the shower. Can you get everyone out?" Buffy asked her.
Tara smiled. "Sure."
"Thanks." Buffy walked off.
Tara, Cordelia, Harmony, and several other students walked out of the school building. Some were dirty and dazed. Fire trucks and police cars could be heard arriving.
Giles tried to calm several others with an explanation but was himself confused as he made his way over to Tara, Harmony, and Cordelia. "Yes, yes, uh, i-i-it was a-a-a gas leak, everyone. Uh, well, just, uh, get some air, and a...good night's rest, you know, uh, you'll be fine. These gas things...will happen." He looked at Cordelia. "W-W-What was it, really?"
"Stick with the gas thing. I'll fill you in tomorrow."
"Right." Giles walked off.
Cordelia faced Tara and Harmony. "How you guys doin'?"
"Did I really hit you?" Tara asked her.
Cordelia nodded. "You knocked me out."
"Did I hit you?" Harmony asked her.
Cordelia nodded hard. "Yes, everyone hit me."
Harmony smiled. "Good. Well, I don't mean 'good' because I hit you, but I didn't wanna be left out."
Tara saw Buffy approaching and walked over to her. She was washed up and changed into her gym clothes.
"How is she?" Buffy asked her.
"Who do you mean?" Tara asked her.
"My mom."
"She's a bit confused, but it's goin' around." Tara nodded in the direction of Buffy's mother.
Buffy looked. Joyce came walking toward them, looking around for Buffy. Buffy waved to her. Joyce walked up to her. They clasped hands.
"Are you okay?" Buffy asked her.
"Buffy, I was worried you'd gotten caught in the building. There - There was a gas leak."
"Not a gas leak. A parasite under the school that spread its spawn via eggs and mind-controlled everyone into doing its bidding." Buffy paused in thought. "This sounds familiar."
Tara looked at her. "Early TNG episode."
Buffy looked at her. "Right."
"I went looking for you in the library."
"Yeah, well, I was kinda busy with a parasitic invasion."
"I thought I made it pretty clear that you weren't to leave the library till I came."
Buffy stared at her mother in disbelief. "The other side of that is I saved everyone's life-"
"Well, I'm not really interested in the other side right now. You did your job. Good for you. I don't care. Young lady, you have to learn some responsibility, okay? Once and for all."
"You attacked me with a pick!" Buffy yelled at her.
"I wasn't myself! You were still yourself last month!" Joyce yelled back at her daughter, enraged.
Buffy fell silent, suddenly filled with renewed shame. "I'm grounded?" she finally guessed.
"You're already grounded."
"Oh, yeah."
"Until further notice, you are confined to your room. You will not leave your room at any time except to go to school or the bathroom. Am I making myself clear?"
"You're clear. I won't leave my room."
"You're damn right, you won't. Which means: no after-school socializing, no Bronze, no nothing. Not until I say so. Do you understand?"
Buffy lowered her eyes. "Yes, ma'am."
Joyce stalked off angrily.
Tara looked at Buffy sadly. "Hang in there, Buffy."
Buffy looked at her and slowly nodded.
Tara kissed Buffy on the lips. "I love you."
"I love you, too." Buffy stood there and then followed her mother a moment later.
Later that night, Buffy and Tara were kissing. Buffy was inside her room, at her window, and Tara was standing outside, on the roof.
Tara broke off the kiss. "Are you sure you're not gonna get in trouble?"
"Hey, I earned this." Buffy kissed her. "Besides, I'm not breaking any rules."
"Buffy? Are you going to bed?" Joyce called from the hall.
"In a minute!" Buffy called back.
She turned back to Tara and smiled at her. They started kissing again.