Chapter 3 – Human
"Now turn around and take a look at yourself" claps Lysander in excitement. I look up and see my prep team and Bran grinning at my appearance. Must be halfway decent then. Straightening my shoulders I slowly turn to face the mirror. I feel my jaw loosen and my eyes widen slightly before I school them in my practiced neutral stare. Gold shimmering glistening gold. Rather than going for the traditional look of grain, Lysander has made me into a field of gold. The dress goes to the floor and the outside is covered in gold scales with a slit up the front middle which ends at mid-thigh. The middle of the dress is cinched at the middle with a gold belt and has a deep V-neck down to just above my belly button. In addition, the dress has a cape attached which goes to the floor and covers my arms. My hair is pulled up into four buns at the back of my head and topped with a golden spiky crown. Priscilla completed the look with gold flakes of makeup going from my eyes up towards my hair line and neutral lip. As I am lost in my own reflection, Lysander breaks the silence "time for the final touches Zea." In confusion I glance at him "What else is there" I ask. Out of the corner of my eye Rumina walks forwards with what looks like blood on her hands, "hold out your arms for me" she asks. I do as she asks and rubs the blood paint on my arms and hands. "Now you look like you are ready for battle" states Bran. I glance towards him as I think to myself this is what a victor wears.
Bran walks towards me and states "on the chariot you need to embody a queen, you are in charge and everyone else is beneath you." I smirk and nod at Bran as Lysander adds "wait till you feel the moment is right then show the audience your arms covered in blood, be proud and confident". As I nod, I turn back towards the mirror as my chest starts to tighten and I feel my hands start to shake. Breathe, just breathe. I feel movement behind me and hear Lysander whisper into my ear "be the queen I know you are." Fight, just fight. A slam of a door followed by an excited squeal enters the room as Zelena makes herself known and interrupts my thoughts. I Feel Lysander step back from me as I turn toward Zelena and the door. "Time to go find our chariots" announces Zelena.
As we make our way to the chariots, I have to remind myself to yet again breathe. I can feel the tightness in my chest and my vision starting to narrow the closer we get to the chariots. The team and I turn the corner where the rest of the tributes are and I force myself to push my panic aside and hold my head high to show the image of a queen dressed in gold. The further we go into the space the more stares I can feel. Glancing at my fellow tributes I make note of some of their parade outfits. Guess my stylist wasn't the only one to go above and beyond. First, I notice district 12 Katniss, Peeta, Prim, and Rider all decked out in black leather dresses and suits probably going to set themselves on fire again. District 7 is really trying hard with their tree-like outfits, that poor young girl looks like a decorative bush. District 4's Finnick Odair is of course shirtless and grinning as he wanders around talking to other tributes. Finally, my eyes land on district 2. Black and silver is their colour scheme this year but no less terrifying. As I rake my eyes over Enobaria I can feel eyes on me. As I glance at her district partner Cato I realise where the stare has been coming from. Green eyes meet a blue steel, and his lips curl into a smirk as he proceeds to run his eye over my form. Breathe, do not show weakness, hold your head high. As we maintain eye contact, I slowly raise an eyebrow in question and tilt my head before shrugging and turning towards my prep team standing behind me. As I glance at my team standing in front of our chariot, Bran steps towards me and lowly hiss "what the hell was that Zea." Staring him straight in the face I shrug and respond "I am not sure what you are talking about Bran, I was simply sizing up my competition." From the corner of my eye, I see Zelena flounce towards us as she beckons me into the chariot with Lysander behind her. Stepping into the chariot Lysander turns his head towards me and states "make them bow to you". I smirk and use the sleeve to cover my arms, which came uncovered climbing into the chariot. I glance at my district partner who is also dressed head to toe in gold. What a pair we make. As I am looking at Garner the horse and chariot begin to move forward. Taking a deep breath, I tilt my chin forwards and slightly up while keeping an indifferent expression on my face.
As the chariots move forward the echoes of screams get louder and louder the closer, we get to the parade walkway. Breathe, just breathe. Once our chariot enters the light of the walkway the screams get even louder. Keeping my head high I can see Garner doing the same out of the corner of my eye. About halfway down the walkway Garner shifts and grabs my right hand with his left. It's time. At the same time, we glance towards each other, smirk and thrust our entwined hands into the air. Almost immediately the crowd goes wild chanting our names and our district. Shortly after Garner and I release each other's hand and pull our arms down. As I pull my arm down to my side, I make sure to pause with my wrist at chin level off to the right of my face to show off my blood covered hands. Let them get a taste of what I will do in the arena.
After the parade and President Snow's speech, the chariots return to their starting point and Lysander is there to help me off the chariot. "You were amazing!" announces Lysander as Zelena approaches clapping. "No, they were breathtaking," argues Zelena. As the two continue bickering my vision starts to tunnel and my hands start to shake. RUN. FIGHT. BREATHE. RUN. RUN. RUN. I frantically move towards the pair "I need to go to the rooms" I state as my lungs begin to constrict. "We will meet you there shortly, just go to level 9 in the elevator" shares Zelena. I nod my head and sharply turn to my right and head towards the elevator.
Waiting for the elevator is silence surrounded by noise. As the elevator dings announcing its arrival I head into the far-right corner with my back to the wall once I press level nine. Alone at last. "What makes you think you can steal the show?" an unknown voice asks from inside the elevator stopping me in my tracks. I glance to my left and see Cato. I shrug my shoulders and respond "Why didn't you come prepared." Cato steps closer to me, about a foot apart, and glares down as he towers over my form. As the elevator dings, announcing its arrival on level 2, Cato leans down and whispers in my ear "I will be keeping an eye on you golden girl" before he turns and exits the elevator. As the doors to the elevator close, I feel my panic return to full force. Turning my face towards the wall of the elevator I rest my forehead on the glass with my palms on the glass at shoulder height. I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing. Breathe, just breathe. The elevator dings once more and I know I need to push these feelings aside. Standing tall I allow my face to face into a neutral position and walk into the district 9 rooms.
Shortly after I got into the apartment the rest of my team and other tributes arrived and Zelena showed us our rooms to get changed into clothes for the rest of the night. I chose a pair of soft black pants and a comfy white sweater with socks adorning my feet. Curled up on a large comfy chair in the living space while the others find spots around the room, Bran tells Garner and I what to expect for training, while Annora speaks with Jasmine and Emmer. "As this is a quarter quell the Capitol has created a whole new high end training centre large enough for all 48 tributes to train in for the next 3 days. On the fourth day there will be a private training session, which we will discuss later and individually. For these sessions do not show all your skills, show your second or third best and save your top skill for the private sessions, understood? Make sure to try out some survival stations, they are just as important." Garner and I both nod before Bran excuses us. Before I can leave Bran grasps my upper arms and leans close to whispers, "that means no knives or sais, think you can handle that?" As I rip my arm from his grasp, I narrow my eyes and sneer "sounds easy enough". I turn to go to my bedroom and I can feel Brans eyes on my form until I close the door.
I slowly bring my hands in front of my face and see that they are covered in hot thick blood. Looking closer I notice my hands shaking and through my fingers I see bodies covered in blood scattered in front of me. Dropping my hands I take a step forward; did I do this? As I look at the various bodies, I recognize them as fellow tributes. Finnick. Katniss. Jasmine. Garner. Emmer. Prim. Johanna. Enobaria. Cato. Caught in my own thoughts I don't hear movement behind me until a hand rests on my shoulder and a head leans towards my ear "you are no longer weak" whispers a familiar voice. A weight appears in my right hand and as I turn, I thrust the weight forward into the stomach of the person behind. "I was never weak father" I spit at the figure. With blood running from his mouth he laughs, points behind me, then asks "if you are not weak then why is one still alive". Turning around I see a small form running at me with their sword raised. Side stepping their sword I swing my body behind them and raise my knife to their neck "I AM NOT WEAK" I scream as I drag my knife across the unknown person's neck and a cannon booms in the distance. As I let the body drop, I look towards the figure and feel a scream build in my chest as my father continues to laugh. I fall to my knees beside the body as my vision darkness and my breath leaves my lungs.
I killed him. I killed my brother.
Breathe, just breathe.
Jolting awake I run into the bathroom connected to my room and fall to my knees in front of the toilet. Everything I ate that day comes up and all feeling in my body turns to numbness. Once I am done vomiting, I go to the sink and rinse my mouth out. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and suddenly it's cracked as though struck. Looking down at my right hand scattered with blood I realised I did just that, punched the mirror. My vision narrows in on the blood and before I can make a decision on what to do next, I am sitting on the floor of the shower fully clothed with my back against the wall and hot water raining down on me. It's okay. You are OKAY.
Suddenly I hear a knock on the bedroom door "time to get up and ready for training Zea '' announces Zelena. Slowly coming to my senses, I realise I am still on the floor of the shower. Groaning due to the stiffness in my joints, I make my way into the bedroom and quickly tell Zelena I will be right out. As I change into my training clothes set out the night before I remind myself, breathe just breathe.
Christina Perri – Human
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am
I can do it
I can do it
I can do it
But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I'm only human