It's Monday again and Santana's anxiety is skyrocketing. She never got to call Quinn, even though she knows she should, but the rest of her weekend was too occupied by stressing about the doctor's appointment, and about what had happened with Jacob. That was a bad thing. It was selfish and he does not deserve her selfishness while he is being the most vulnerable.
Well, it kind of applies to her whole marriage, she is just realizing how bad of a wife she has been to him. Thankfully she did make the right decision when she asked him for a divorce.
She only lets herself go there for a moment, though, before she shakes her head. It has not been that bad, she knows that, she has given Jacob everything she possibly could, but one day she just reached a point where she knew she needed to stop putting everybody else before herself, and focus on being happy in her own shoes. The possible health diagnose has only enhanced that feeling.
Better late than ever, they say.
She walks into the doctor's building dressed with white chino trousers, white button up shirt, and her favorite stiletto high heels and blazer, both red. This time her hair is straightened and tied up in a high, neat ponytail.
"Mrs. Lopez, good morning." Emma Pillsbury chirps when she sees Santana walking towards her. "Dr. Pierce is waiting for you." She adds with a somewhat little too happy smile. Santana only nods in response and turns her steps, walking towards room 8.
She takes a couple of deep breaths before she knocks on the wooden door.
"Come in..." Santana hears from inside, and she could swear that the doctor sounds tired.
She opens the door nervously, and for some reason she can't help the smile that creeps upon her face at the sight of one gorgeous Brittany Pierce. This time the blonde is wearing skin tight jeans and a yellow loose tank top, with her hair flowing freely over her shoulders. She looks beautiful, but she does look tired indeed, she has deep dark bags under her yes.
"Santana, nice to see you." Brittany says with a soft smile as Santana walks into the room. "Are you ready?" She asks and Santana shrugs.
"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess." She mumbles a little nervously.
"We will start with the ultrasound." Brittany says nodding softly. "So please, I need you to undress from your waist up and lay down on the examination table." She adds and Santana proceeds to do so without a word.
In less than a minute, Santana is lying half naked and feeling extremely exposed again. She's also starting to hyperventilate.
"Try to relax, I'll make it as quick as possible." Brittany says, resting a calming hand on Santana's thigh.
Santana nods as all response and Brittany proceeds to examine again both her breasts with her hands. After a couple minutes, Brittany grabs a pair of reading glasses and puts them on. Santana almost drools at the sight.
"Are you okay?" Santana asks suddenly, as something feels off about Brittany. Not only does she look tired, but all the flirty attitude she has shown around her seems to have evaporated. It's making Santana feel uneasy for some reason.
"What?" Brittany asks as she applies ice cold gel on Santana's breast, making her wince a little. As Brittany lifts her eyes towards the brunette, she can't help smiling either. "Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" She asks, but Santana is not buying it. She doesn't say anything though.
A few minutes pass by as Brittany maneuvers the ultrasound around, checking every inch and every corner of her left breast. Santana is intently watching her face, trying to determine what's going on, but the blonde is being a mastermind in keeping a perfect poker face, and soon she is distracted by baby blue eyes and blonde strands of hair.
"I don't like this." She suddenly says, taking Santana out of her reverie, and for a moment she stops breathing, her heart starting to beat way too fast for it to be healthy. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm going to need to take a biopsy. I was hoping I didn't but..." She adds as Santana is trying really hard not to shed any tear.
At the sight, Brittany grabs Santana's hand and intertwines their fingers without a second thought. Both of them stare at their hands for a couple of seconds, feeling like their hands fit perfectly, like they were meant to hold each other forever. Santana doesn't even notice when, but a couple of stray tears are running freely down her cheeks. She hates to admit it, but she is really scared.
"I'm going to step out of the room to get a little bit of anesthesia. I'll be right back." Brittany mutters as if she didn't want to break the moment, as she releases Santana's hand and walks away.
Santana doesn't know what to do with herself. She's half naked, half covered in ultrasound gel and her whole world is crumbling. She thinks about her friends, she thinks about Jacob, about the shelter and about all the things she still wants to do. She's not even 35 yet, she's not ready to give everything up. She is not ready to fight a disease, not one like cancer. She just realized she wants to live her life at the fullest, why now? She hasn't even gotten the chance to actually be with a woman. She also wants to travel the world. Why her? Why now? What has she done to deserve this?
Right as she is spiraling into a deep rabbit hole, the door brings her back to reality. Brittany tries to offer her a reassuring smile but it's clearly tense and it makes Santana feel a little more vulnerable if even possible.
"Is it going to hurt?" Santana asks with a thread of voice.
"The anesthesia stings a little, but once it has done it's effect, you won't feel a thing." Brittany reassures. "Can you please turn to your right side, get close to the table's edge and rise your left hand above your head, please?" She asks softly and Santana does so, not saying anything again.
Brittany corrects Santana's posture slightly with her firm hands, and Santana can't help noticing how soft the blonde's hands are, and how she suddenly wants to feel them all over her. She almost kicks herself to prevent her mind from going too far.
"Okay, this may hurt a little, breathe deeply." Brittany asks, and as Santana fills her chest with air, Brittany presses the needle into tan skin and empties the syringe slowly. Santana groans softly, it does sting. "Is it too bad?" Brittany asks.
"Manageable." Santana answers breathing heavily.
"How was your weekend?" Brittany asks softly, but doesn't give Santana the chance to answer before she's speaking again. "Nevermind, I shouldn't pry..."
"It was okay." Santana asks clearing her throat. Her memory keeps going back to her slip, to her weak moment with Jacob. "How's Andrea?"
"Oh, she is a fantastic dog. She's adapting really well to my home." Brittany answers with a soft chuckle and Santana smiles, she really likes the sound of Brittany's laugh.
"Okay, Santana, don't get scared, this is a big needle." Brittany starts, showing Santana the thing she is going to take the sample with. "You can feel a little pressure, but it's not going to hurt at all. The moment I take the samples, it will sound like a stapler, try not to move when you hear it." She explains softly. "Also the area might swell a little bit, I'd recommend icing it as many times as you can this evening, and it's not...it's not recommended to have sexual relationships in at least 48 hours..." Brittany adds clearing her throat, making Santana wonder why she sounds so uncomfortable.
"I won't." Santana says and for some reason Brittany visibly relaxes.
Soon she proceeds to take the biopsy. All she said is true. Santana has felt a little pressure, and the stapling sound is a little unnerving, but it has not hurt at all. After around 15 minutes, the blonde is giving her permission to get dressed again.
"You should drink a lot of water today, to help eliminate the anesthesia." Brittany says as Santana takes a seat in front of her. "I need to send this to the lab, I will call you when the results come in. It might take another week, but I'll tag it as urgent so hopefully we will have the results by the end of the week." Brittany adds and Santana nods, feeling nervous again.
As Santana gets up to leave, Brittany speaks again.
"You know, just beautiful does not make you any justice..." She mumbles under her breath, but Santana hears her, and looks at her curiously. As Brittany rises her eyes and blue eyes meet brown ones, Santana freezes. "You are drop dead gorgeous." She states with a timid shrug, her cheeks turning slightly red.
In a split second Santana half smiles and winks at Brittany.
"You do have my number. Maybe call me? For something else that my test results?" She mutters, throwing the offer to Brittany, and leaving the room before the blonde can say anything else.