Disclaimer: I own nothing regarding GWTW
Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and feedback.
This story arose from a thought I had while writing Diamond and Rust. The thought was – If Scarlett was an older woman and went back in time how much would her lack of remembering details affect her ability to change her life. How much would her knowledge that most of the things that were so important to her when she was in her twenties weren't really that important now that she was in her sixties.
It was supposed to be a short story. I don't think I can write short stories anymore. I always want to put in too much detail.
This story was influenced by a discussion I had with another reader. She made the statement – Wouldn't it be nice to be able to go back in time and change one's mistakes? I answered yes. Later I thought about my life and there was only one instance in my life that I knew without a doubt I had made a major mistake. Only one time I would want to change in my life.
I am not saying my life has been perfect, far from it. But only once did I know without a doubt, I had done the wrong thing.
I think that is part of the problem with rehashing one's life. One never knows if the road not taken would really have been better.
For this story Scarlett is going to know that one time.
I have written this entire story from Scarlett's point of view except for the prequel.
Prequel
February 2, 1874
Rhett Butler saw the storm clouds forming. He knew he was in for a rough time of it. His little boat that he had rented would be no match for the storm approaching him. With a smile, Rhett thought, 'Just like I was no match for who Scarlett really was.' For once he was sober. He smiled. He would go down fighting. He had never given up or given in. His mind screamed, 'Except with Scarlett.'
Rhett faced the storm. He would defeat it then go back to Scarlett. He would take her up on her offer to have another child. He would accept her love. He would make himself be happy with Scarlett whether she truly loved him or not.
He was not a coward. He would not accept defeat. He would once again triumph. Most important! He would not die on Bonnie's birthday!
Thirty minutes later as the main beam swung around and hit Rhett in the head, he knew he was about to find out if there was anything after this lifetime.
Chapter One
Atlanta March 17, 1910
Scarlett woke up. She rolled over to the other side of the bed. Rhett's watch was on his nightside table. She turned on the gas lights. She opened the watch to check the time. Inside the watch was a picture of her from their honeymoon. It was from their wedding picture. She would never have thought Rhett would be sentimental, but he had been. She had decided that he had carried that picture with him since the pictures had come back from the photographer. He had probably gone by the photographer and had another copy made. That way she would never know, he cared that much about her. She had also been extremely surprised it was a picture of her and not of Bonnie. She didn't understand and she guessed she never would.
It was five o'clock. That didn't surprise Scarlett. It seemed she always woke up from the dream about this time. It really wasn't a dream but a memory. A memory of one of the few times in her marriage she had felt loved and cherished. She had not realized it at the time. It had only been after she started having the dream repeatedly that she realized the truth. She knew over the years she had embellished what really had happened, but she knew that feeling like Rhett loved her in that moment had not been an embellishment.
The dream was a memory of when Scarlett and Rhett had still been sleeping together. She had been eight months along with Bonnie. Having relations was getting more and more difficult to have comfortably. Rhett had done his best to make the act as pleasant as possible for her. That morning for whatever reason Rhett had not held himself back. Maybe because he had thought she would be too sleepy to notice or remember. He had been right. She had not remembered.
Scarlett remembered it now. It was hers and Rhett's best sexual session of their entire marriage including what they had done the night of Ashley's party. There had been no love that night. Just passion, anger, and Rhett's desire to dominate her. During that early morning sexual session and afterwards she had felt so loved and cherished. That had been a moment which could have changed the course of their lives.
Scarlett remembered the feeling of being loved and cherished. She had never felt so loved before or since. She soon fell back to sleep. When she had woken up later in the morning, she had smiled when she thought about their activity that morning and her feeling that Rhett loved her. She started pondering how she would use Rhett's feelings to her advantage. She had long ago accepted that she was just a bitch at heart. That morning, she had forgotten about anyone and anything but herself when she started having false labor pains. At the time she remembered thinking, 'I wish he could suffer with delivering a child then he wouldn't be so flippant about how many children we were going to have.'
In her old age Scarlett would lie in the bed until she saw the first tentacles of sunlight. She would think about her life and her mistakes. She would think about her time with Rhett, Melly, and Ashley. She would wonder how many times a simple I'm sorry would have changed the course of her life for the better. She would never know.
Scarlett would not think about Frank, or Charlie. They were no more important now than they had been when they were her husband. She certainly didn't think of the matrons. They were less important now than they had been when they were alive. She had outlived all the matrons. She had outlived most of the gentry in Atlanta who had made her life miserable. With a lot of pride, Scarlett knew she still looked better than all women of her age group especially Fanny and Maybelle.
It didn't matter what Scarlett thought about. She no longer slept late. She no longer needed the room to be completely dark for her to sleep. She no longer had the nightmare. All that had ended the night Melly had died. The night she had lost all her foolish dreams, her best friend, and the only man she would truly love. She still loved him even though he had been dead for over thirty-five years.
Scarlett had always thought it was ironic that Rhett had died in a sailing accident. Although she questioned if it had really been an accident. She knew now that he had no reason to go on living at that moment. He had lost everything that was ever important to him. The only thing he had left at the time was his money.
The main reason Scarlett questioned the sailing accident story was because Rhett had died on Bonnie's birthday. That was just too far-fetched to be believable. He had gone out sailing and an unexpected storm had come upon him. Scarlett knew in that moment Rhett had been given the choice of fighting to survive or just accept the inevitable. He had been fighting for over twenty years. He surrendered. He no longer had the will to fight anymore.
Scarlett and the children had gone to Charleston to get the body. While she was there, she had spoken with Rhett's mother. His mother had said that he had still been drinking heavily. What had bothered his mother was that he had continually been talking about the days before his disownment. Not his teenage years when he had become a rebellious young man but the years before that when he had been an innocent little boy. That bothered Scarlett too.
Not only had Scarlett brought Rhett's body back but all his possessions. She had put them in the room that had once been theirs before she had made that disastrous mistake. She had placed them in the exact same places he had placed them. She had gone to the bedroom Rhett had used and got everything he had left behind in the room. She hadn't gotten rid of anything because she had still been hoping he would come back to her and work on their marriage. She knew that Wade and Ella had thought her actions strange, but she had not cared. With Rhett's possessions everywhere she could pretend to herself that they had a happy marriage. She could pretend that he was still alive. She could pretend that he was going to be walking through the door any minute.
That spring Scarlett had finally gotten rid of all of Bonnie's belongings. She had kept a few cherish mementos, but most of it she sold. As cold as it sounded, she had sold all the toys and most of Bonnie's clothing through the store. The toys were still in their boxes and most of the clothes had never been worn. What didn't sell after a month, she shipped to Suellen.
Scarlett didn't care what the gentry of Atlanta thought of her. She already knew they thought she was a cold-hearted bitch. It didn't matter what they thought of her because nobody spoke to her.
Scarlett was included in the new Atlanta society. They were all people from the north. People who had money.
On the way back to Atlanta with Rhett's body, several thoughts had occurred to Scarlett. She looked at Wade who had just turned twelve, and she wondered if Rhett's early years had been the best in his life. Hopefully, Wade's early years would not be the best of his life. She wondered why a man would pursue a woman for twelve years while full well knowing she believed she loved another man. And why would a man walk away from that woman after she had finally declared her love to him.
As Scarlett had matured, she had decided that Rhett had been afraid of love. His father, his family, and all of Charleston had turned their backs on him over a broken buggy wheel. His parents, the people who were supposed to give him unconditional love, were more concerned about their social standing than their son.
Rhett would have been amused at the number of people at his funeral. Scarlett had known everyone in the gentry wanted to make sure the blackguard was really dead. They were quite disappointed it had been a closed coffin funeral. Scarlett had to do it that way. Despite the body having been embalmed almost immediately it was still in very bad condition. It had been a couple of days before the body had been found.
The vultures had also wanted to enjoy a fine meal at Scarlett's expense. She had not cared about the gentry. She had done it because Rhett had deserved to be honored in that way.
Scarlett shook those thoughts out of her head. That was so long ago, at least thirty years. It certainly didn't matter now. She got out of the bed. She would go to the water closet. It was getting difficult for her to walk now that she was in her sixties, but she refused to use a bed pan.
As Scarlett walked along holding the wall to the water closet, she asked herself the question she always asked herself when she had the dream. Would it have made any difference if she had realized the specialness of that moment? She didn't know. She always tried to convince herself it wouldn't but deep in her heart she always wondered. Unfortunately, as she would always remember what a cold, uncaring woman she had been then she was sure she would have tried to use Rhett's love against him thus making their relationship worse.
Scarlett wished she could go back and relive that one moment again with the knowledge she had now. If she could she would change Rhett and her lives for the better. She just knew it.
But Scarlett couldn't. One doesn't get second chances in life. One made mistakes and one lived with the mistakes. Nonetheless, she would keep hoping she could get a redo. Just for six months. She was sure that was all she would need - six months to fix her life.
Two spirits are sitting on a cloud watching Scarlett. They were trying to decide if she was worthy enough for them to help fix her life. Not very many people got a second chance at life.
One spirit said, "She and Rhett were each other's true loves."
"Yes, but their pride and arrogance got in the way of their happiness."
"Neither person would humble themselves and offer the olive branch."
"True."
"She saved all those people after the war."
"Yes."
"She continued to help her aunts although neither one ever told her thank you."
"Yes."
"She helped Belle by giving her Rhett's half of the saloon. Despite the fact she hated the woman."
"Yes."
"She supported the Wilkeses for all those years. Even taking custody of Beau after Ashley died."
"Yes."
"She continued to support Sarah Jane and India for the rest of their lives."
"Henry too. And none of them ever thanked her.
"After Rhett died, she donated a lot of money to the Catholic charities for widows and orphans."
"Yes."
"She helped all those women start their own businesses."
"Yes."
"What do you think? Do you think we should try to help her?"
"We could give her six months to get Rhett to declare his feelings. He will only reveal his feelings if he thinks he can trust her. If he hasn't then we'll just revert everything back and erase her memory of her six-month redo."
"Even though she thinks she only needs six-months, let's give her a year. She always thought more highly of herself than she actually was."
"Good idea. When should we do it?"
"Tomorrow morning. When the memorable event happened."
"Very well."
Scarlett didn't need to worry about disturbing anyone. The only other people in the house were the servants and they lived in the servant's quarters. Despite the size of the mansion, she lived alone now. She just couldn't live anywhere else. Rhett had given her the mansion as a tribute of his love, Bonnie had lived her entire life in the mansion, and she and Rhett had spent almost their entire married life in the mansion.
After Ella had gotten married and moved out of the mansion, Scarlett had hired a companion, Prudence Halliwell. She had not wanted to be alone with her thoughts. When Pru had died, Scarlett had not hired anyone else. By then Scarlett had wanted to be alone with her memories.