Please read the note at the end! I have an important question there!
This story takes place the night of the day Ichigo regained his powers.
#
Taking a deep breath, Ichigo closed his eyes to an unlit room in the middle of the night…and felt the warmth of the sun kiss his face a moment later.
Ichigo opened his eyes in shock, only to pinch them shut again with a hiss at the bright light. He raised his hands up to block the strong rays of the sun, refusing to open his eyes again before he felt the coolness of shadows on his face. While he adjusted the position of his hands, Ichigo became aware of the hard concrete beneath him; of the gentle breeze playing with his hair and the distant trees, and the smell of ozone mixed with stone.
Once his eyes were properly shielded, Ichigo dared to open them. He had to blink a few times still to get his eyes adjusted to the rapid switch between a dark room and the bright outdoors. Each blink sharpened his vision, the grey blur gaining depth and detail. Concrete. Lowering one hand, Ichigo reached down. Solid, sun-heated, pavement met his fingertips, grains of worn-down stone scratching his skin.
It's real. Ichigo ran his hand along the street again, feeling the light debris graze against his Hierro-protected skin. It's real. It's real! It's actually—Ichigo turned around and up—
real…
In the handful of times Ichigo had been here in the past, the sky had never been as blue as it were now. Aside from a single white, fluffy cloud drifting west on the gentle breeze, the heavens were clear of the fear, grief and sadness that had clouded it last time he were here.
It felt like coming home.
His chest felt heavy and light at the same time, eyes burning with emotions too large for Ichigo to compartmentalize. The first sob wrecked his frame, followed by another as tears streamed down his face. Ichigo could only cover his mouth to muffle his cries.
Two years. It had taken two long and agonizing years of feeling broken, weak, and incomplete but it was finally over. His soul had recovered; his powers accessible to him once more—
His powers.
Zangetsu.
He had to—he had to find them.
Ichigo climbed to his feet, wiping away the tears from his face with his sleeve. He had to get himself together. He could cry later, he had more important things to do.
One: find his Zanpakutō Spirits.
Taking a fortified breath to ease the lingering shocks in his shoulders, Ichigo focused on the powers he hadn't wielded in over two years. He expected to have some difficulty in using them, hence why Urahara had offered to help train him to get accustomed to his own powers again. Yet, as Ichigo closed his eyes, he instinctively locked in on the energy around him.
He never realised how much everything felt like him in here. It made sense it would, a mindscape is the representation of a Shinigami's soul, just like the Zanpakutō is the representation of their power. There were differences, of course. Zangetsu had a similar feel but didn't have the... je ne ce pas that Ichigo's had. The basis was the same yet the end result had enough of a difference that they could be differentiated.
He still had so much to learn, didn't he?
Ichigo couldn't wait to start.
Sensing a disruption in the ambient energy, he took off to the sky without thinking. Taking several steps of Shunpo before even realising he were using it.
It felt like waking up.
With a laugh, Ichigo stepped left and right, zig-zagging through the sky in a nonsensical pattern. He jumped high and leapt far, savouring the feel of weightlessness before gravity pulled him down again. He even twirled and vaulted, dancing from roofs and walls, to tree tops and clouds. Each step faster than the one prior, each leap reaching greater heights.
For the first time in two years, Ichigo felt whole—felt alive.
Landing on the roof of a skyscraper, Ichigo stumbled to a stop against the fence surrounding the edge. He leaned against it, heaving breath after breath with the biggest grin on his face.
He had missed this so much, the freedom, the adrenaline, the sensation of reiryoku pushing out through his skin.
Looking up, Ichigo could see out far into the world, his high vantage point granting a further view.
The mindscape looked different from last time, he noted. For one, the water had become more clear, allowing the sun to reach down to the streets and the water level itself had lowered significantly. Not enough to allow this high tower to break the surface but if Ichigo were to climb on the enclosed staircase and stood on his toes, his fingers would stick out into the air.
For context, Ichigo remembered being flung twice as high as this building and he hadn't come close to breaking the surface.
But the submersion of the world wasn't the only difference that caught his attention. Where the world had gone from side-ways skyscrapers to a near-replica of his home town of Kurakara, it had once again undergone a change. The world still mostly resembled Kurakara-Town but it spread out more. Buildings he knew to be in the same street now had whole blocks between them. The skyscrapers that had vanished had made a return, scattered around and some even appearing to be in the progress of rebuilding still.
The most distance, however, had been created to allow green to grow and break up the monotony of the grey streets and dull-coloured buildings. Parks of various sizes dotted the blocks, weeds and wildflowers sprouting up from every crack and crevice in the paved streets.
He wondered if his Zanpakutō liked the change. He knew Young Man Zangetsu hadn't been happy when the skyscrapers had made way for the town replica. Ichigo hoped that, with the return of the tall buildings, his spirits would be happier.
Speaking of, Ichigo realised he had gotten a bit side-tracked and still needed to find them.
Letting go of the fence and stepping back, Ichigo gave himself a double slap to the face. With a swift shake of his head, he leapt back up into the sky and resumed his search.
With most of his initial excitement having had its outlet, Ichigo covered a lot more ground a lot faster—especially when he remembered Sonído. Since he weren't in a hurry, he switched between the two techniques every so often to curb the itch to go off track again.
At last, he spotted a figure in the distance. Their white clothing a strong contrast against the dark concrete of the building they were standing upon.
It occurred to Ichigo that, while he had been searching for his Zanpakutō since his arrival in the mindscape—his distraction notwithstanding—neither Zangetsu had made the same effort in meeting him any sooner.
And why would they? After how I treated them. After what I did.
Ichigo slowed to a stop, his previous excitement and eagerness for a reunion quickly smothered by doubt.
What if they didn't want to see him? They might very well hate him, try to kill him on sight for what happened. And, honestly, Ichigo wouldn't blame them. Would probably even let them if they tried—
No! Ichigo shook his head free of his spiralling thoughts. I shouldn't assume the worst (no matter how probable it were). Besides, while neither of them had headed his way, they also hadn't moved farther away. They had remained where they were, even now, waiting for him to come to them.
(Which was more than he deserved.)
All the more reason for the first words out of his mouth to them to be an apology.
And the first to receive one would be the one he wronged the most.
Gathering his courage and going over the words he had practiced for months, Ichigo headed over to the familiar figure.
Hierro-protected feet met the concrete of the building's roof. Ichigo let his momentum push him forward, taking a handful of steps before coming to a complete standstill. He opened his mouth, the beginnings of his apology on his lips—
Ichigo slowly closed his mouth, staring at the spirit as they turned to face him. Mismatched eyes and white shoulder-length hair; a black, horned mask fragment on the left side of their head; dressed in a pristine white coat with pitch fur-feathered trim and collar.
It wasn't the Hollow he'd approached; it had been Tensa Zangetsu—the single spirit formed in the image of both Young Man Zangetsu and Hollow Zangetsu.
'It's you...'
'You sound surprised', the spirit noted, one brow raised. 'Did you expect someone else?'
Had Ichigo not been so thrown off by the spirit's appearance—no, their taken form—he wouldn't have been able to prevent himself from wincing at the accuracy of their observation. He'd only been reunited with his Zanpakutō for less than a minute and already Ichigo had succeeded in putting his foot in his mouth.
Great. Just Fan-fucking-tastic. As if his Zanpakutō needed any more reason to hate him.
'Well...' Ichigo struggled to find words, blinking a few more times as if to reset his brain. 'I...I kinda did honestly'. (He would not lie to his Zanpakutō; Zangetsu deserved better than that.) He rubbed the back of his neck, gesturing pointless with his other hand. 'I thought you would, you know... split back up'.
Zangetsu pointed at himself with a slow blink, 'You thought I—' a smile formed on his face—'Oh, no. No, that's not—That's not how that—' A laugh escaped him. He leaned back, one hand covering his mouth to smother the rest of his amusement. 'Sorry. I'm not laughing at you. It's... it's a fair assumption to have made'. Shaking his head, the spirit composed himself. 'But, no; the merging my separate selves initiated that day is a permanent thing, it cannot be undone'.
You have missed your chance. You're too late.
'O-oh...'
Zangetsu cocked his head. 'You sound upset'.
'I am', Ichigo said, only to immediately shake his head and wave his hands. 'Not at you! I'm not upset at—Kami, that came out wrong. I meant—' Ichigo admitted defeat with a sigh, this whole thing had not gone how he had envisioned it. So far, he had been saying the worst possible thing he could have every time he opened his mouth and he honestly wouldn't blame Zangetsu if he were to try to behead him.
A pair of cool hands took hold of his, breaking up his spiralling thoughts.
'I know'.
Ichigo looked up, finding Zangetsu return his surprise with calm understanding. 'You…know?'
'Not what's upsetting you, no. I'm a lot but not a mind reader. However, I do know your frustration is not aimed at me'.
'Oh…' Of course Zangetsu didn't "know" but it did make Ichigo feel a bit better to know his poor choice of words hadn't been taken personally. 'That's…good'.
'That said—'Zangetsu pulled Ichigo's hands down a bit so he would lean over, bringing his face closer to the spirit's own—'I don't have to be a mind reader to know that I am the catalyst of your upset'.
While not spoken as an accusation, Ichigo did feel like it had been one. As, for an observation, it hit the mark dead-centre.
Ichigo took a step back, his hands sliding from Zangetsu's hold. 'I'm sorry. It's—This isn't going how I expected'. He rubbed the back of his neck, pulling at the shorter hairs there. 'I wanted to apologise to Hollow Zangetsu…or your Hollow Self, I guess'.
The spirit cocked his head with a frown, 'Whatever for?'
'Tch, for what not?' Ichigo returned. 'Not listening? Not accepting him? Painting him a monster when all he did was trying to keep me alive? Take your pick'.
Zangetsu looked away from his wielder, bringing up his left hand and staring at it instead. 'For what it is worth, I never hated you for that'.
That only makes me feel worse.
'Doesn't mean I shouldn't still apologise'. It's the least he should do. The bare fucking minimum.
'You still can', Zangetsu pointed out. 'I'm still here'.
'I know and I will, it's just...' Ichigo struggled to put his feelings into words without sounding like an asshole. He didn't want his Zanpakutō to think he had done anything wrong or upset him in any way. When the silence between them stretched out in to uncomfortable territory, Ichigo released a sigh in defeat.
Guess he had to wing it.
'I want to make clear, this is nothing against you and I am beyond thrilled to see you again', he prefaced. 'I thought you would have separated again and I wanted to apologise to your Hollow-self, face to face... because he shared mine and that played part in how I looked at him, you know?'
And Zangetsu understood. He knew very well how one's appearance influenced people's behaviour towards them. Ichigo being an excellent example himself. Just because his hair did not conform to the Japanese standard of black and brown, people think him to be a criminal.
'Did you, perchance, practice your apology?' Zangetsu questioned.
Ichigo offered a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his neck again. 'I have', he admitted. 'Ever since Urahara told me I would get my powers back'.
'Then prove it to me. If you have truly prepared an apology beforehand, then it cannot be denied you intended it for my Hollow-self'.
'O-oh...' Ichigo's cheeks started to gain a reddish hue. 'I... I guess that's true but, uhm—'
'And while I may not look the same as when you wronged me but I am still the person you wish to apologise to', Zangetsu reminded. 'Let me be the judge whether or not your words are sufficient'.
Ichigo wanted to say no. Claim it wouldn't be the same. that the moment was already ruined and it wouldn't be as genuine. But Zangetsu had a point. Besides, the longer he waited, the harder it will be to apologise. Better rip that band-aid off now, like he had intended.
'Alright then,' Ichigo relented. Here goes nothing.
'I... I want to apologise to you', Ichigo started, doing his best to recall the words he had practiced again and again without dying from embarrassment. Or was it nervousness? Honestly, it's hard to tell. Still, Ichigo ploughed onward.
'You have been doing your best to help me in any way you could to make sure I wouldn't die to the first Shinigami I crossed swords with. You have tried to teach me so much, from how to wield and treat my zanpakutō; to how to use my shikai and handle my bankai. You have even saved my life, multiple times. I would literally be dead if it hadn't been for you'.
'Yet I still called you a monster, a parasite that needed to be dealt with. I was young-maybe a little too young-for the kind of world and war I been thrown into. That's probably why I listened to other people instead of trusting myself enough to make the right call concerning you. It's not an excuse, but it is a reason'.
'If there is anything I wished to have done different, it is my treatment of you. I would have told Yoruichi to shove it when she told me to throw away your mask. I would have defended you when Yamada called you scary. I would have laughed in Shinji's face when he called you a problem'.
Ichigo's eyes flicked up briefly to the mask fragment that adorned the spirit's head. His resolve to make up for his past mistakes and to do right by his Zanpakutō growing only stronger.
'I know I cannot change the past but I promise you that I will do better this time. I made you a promise that day and I intend to keep it. I promise to you, Zangetsu, to become the wielder you deserve and—'
Ichigo stumbled back, the last few words lost in the wind knocked out of his lungs by the weight colliding with his chest. He looked down, blinking a couple of times to make sure he was seeing this right.
'Z-Zangetsu?'
'You are forgiven'.
'I—I am? Just like that?' Ichigo lowered his arms, only to jerk them back up, not daring to return the embrace. 'But... But I vilified you! I killed you, I—'
'And I never blamed you for that'.
Zangetsu pulled back, looking Ichigo in the eyes as he spoke. 'My separate selves also made mistakes in their interactions with you, it would be unfair to let you take sole responsibility'.
'Mistakes?' Ichigo echoed. 'What... what mistakes?'
Now it was Zangetsu's turn to look embarrassed. 'My separate selves, despite being, well…separate, still had to share a form and they got a little... competitive'.
Ichigo furrowed his brows, 'Competitive how?'
Zangetsu bit his bottom lip, gesturing uselessly with one hand. 'Oh, you know...about who got to spend time with you'.
'They were jealous of each other?' Ichigo shook his head, 'You were jealous of yourself?'
'It was all very confusing, alright!' Zangetsu huffed. 'My Hollow-self was more connected to the blade, so my Quincy-self argued because that he deserved to be teaching you since he missed out on fighting alongside you. And my Hollow-self claimed that to be bullshit and that, because they were the blade, they should teach you'.
'And I take Quincy-you won?'
'He cheated', Zangetsu said, crossing his arms. 'Which is why he let my Hollow-self help you out against Kenpachi'.
'While letting me believe they were nothing more than a dummy created by him to teach me a lesson'. Ichigo frowned, 'I never figured Zangetsu-Ossan to be so petty'.
'Oh, he was', Zangetsu confirmed. 'They both were actually since I can be quite—are you getting the point I'm making here?'
Ichigo blinked at the sudden change, 'That your separate selves didn't work together as well as they should have?'
'Yes! Well... that's part of it—' Zangetsu shook his head, 'What I am trying to say is that there were a lot of factors at play that influenced you and you shouldn't feel like you're are solely to blame for how everything went down'.
'Yeah, maybe a little but... I still made those choices, didn't I?'
'Ichigo, you were sixteen', Zangetsu stressed. 'You were a spiritually aware teenager that didn't even know what a Hollow was, let alone a Zanpakutō Spirit. You were thrust into a world and war, fought and masterminded by souls centuries older than you. That you didn't know how to be a proper Shinigami is in no way a fault on your part'.
'But you told me', Ichigo objected. 'You tried to explain it to me and I didn't listen'.
But you listened to Yoruichi', Zangetsu said. 'You listened to Urahara and your father. People you had placed your trust in to teach you and steer you in the right way because they are older than you'. The spirit gave a lopsided smile, 'Besides, you had only just learned zanpakutō had not only names but also spirits. Of course you would listen to actual people then your talking sword'.
When Ichigo opened his mouth to argue, Zangetsu shook his head.
'No, Ichigo'. He took hold of Ichigo's hands, staring his wielder in the eyes. 'I need you to listen to me and you need to listen well. I do not, have not, and never will, blame you for how you have treated my separated selves. Do you understand?'
Ichigo frowned and Zangetsu continued on, squeezing the hands he held in his to underline his words.
'You were a child, Ichigo. A child thrown into a world he shouldn't be part of. Made to bring a sacrifice no one should be forced to make. And you were forced. You were manipulated and placed in a position with no other choices. All you are guilty of was being a child who listened to the words of people who are older and wiser; of following advice from your own father. You shouldn't fault yourself for that, Ichigo. I certainly don't'.
Zangetsu squeezed the hands in his, imploring his wielder to, 'So let it go, Ichigo. This not a weight you should be carrying'.
'But—'
'I am happy to see you again, Master'.
The words; the honesty; the feelings of missedyou-loveyou-always in Zangetsu's reiatsu...
This time, Ichigo initiated the embrace.
'I've missed you so much'.
Zangetsu smiled, rubbing circles on Ichigo's back and letting the tears he had been holding back flow freely.
'I've missed you too'.
#
THE END
#
So, this is clearly not part of my "Parallel (Headcanon) Universe" series. This is more of a parallel universe to that parallel universe, I guess.
I find it a shame we get so little screentime with the fusion between Tensa Zangetsu and Hollow Zangetsu, especially since Ichigo spends the most time with him (three whole months of constant fighting compared to a couple of hours spread out over six months). Worse, even, is that Hollow Tensa Zangetsu gets even less love from the fanfiction writers (that I can tell, at least). And while my series doesn't give him a lot of love, either; I have been playing around with alternate versions of my stories with HTZ instead. Then I saw a post on Tumblr, which only motivated me more and, well, this was born.
The important question: would you be interested in reading a retelling of my series with Hollow Tensa Zangetsu taking centre stage?
I already know that, aside from "A Change in Fate", most stories will have to be mostly rewritten or not be part of it at all and I think it would fun to explore the Butterfly Effect this one change will cause. And give HTZ some much needed love.
Let me know what you think!