A/N: I cannot believe I'm updating this after... /checks clock/ over 10 years?
There's too much to be said, but I'm back in my writing era. This fic being unfinished has weighed on me, so if any of the original readers manage to find this again, I will be at a loss for words haha. Bit frustrating that high school me was a more skilled writer than me of today, but so it goes I suppose.
I also post on AO3 now, and this may end up being cross-posted there.
The night persisted. He watched the room's shadows stretch across the walls, careful to stay out of their clutches. If he kept his eyes on them, they couldn't touch him. He'd managed to at least convince himself of that. Had he been alone, he might not have managed. The steady breathing of the form next to him was his lifeline, keeping him from slipping underneath the surface. The breathing next to him was peaceful; steady. Like a heartbeat, it kept time, leaving him with a sense of grounding. Staring ahead at the ceiling, he kept repeating the mantra:
"You are safe. You are alive." The words felt empty in his head, but as he reached out with his hand, fingertips barely brushing the sleeping boy next to him, it brought him some small comfort.
Satoshi sat up as he heard the front door open. Two sets of footsteps entered the first floor. Two sets of hushed voices. He felt the familiar grips of panic rise in his throat, instinctively tensing his entire body. He looked around wildly, wondering if he should rouse Keiichi or let the poor boy sleep. His breath grew ragged, and he found himself at war with his body's response to fear. Bidding himself to be quieter, he forced a few deep breaths, straining his ears to make out the voices.
"...dishes left out…"
"That Keiichi…lecture tomorrow"
Satoshi let out a choked breath, akin to a laugh. It was just Keiichi's parents who returned from their excursion. He flopped back on the bed. The relief settled over his body like a ton of bricks, leaving him feeling cumbersome. He steadied his breathing and listened. He didn't hear their footsteps approaching. Satisfied, he closed his eyes with another deep breath. Steadying his heart, he rocked onto his side to observe the boy beside him. Keiichi's face was still flushed with fever, but his coughing fits had subsided for the time being. The boy's bangs were stuck to his forehead, damp with sweat. Without thinking, Satoshi reached out to brush Keiichi's bangs away. As his fingers made contact with Keiichi's skin, he felt the familiar grips of panic rise in his chest once more. When he realized the boy didn't wake from his touch, the immediate panic melted away. Yet, as he stared at the sick boy in front of him, he felt a different tightness in his chest, one unfamiliar. Before he could dwell on it, he was surprised to see Keiichi's eyes flutter open. Embarrassed, Satoshi pulled his hand away and propped himself on his elbow.
"How are you feeling?" He whispered, looking down at Keiichi. The boy blinked a few times before closing his eyes again.
"Your hands are so cold," Keiichi murmured, his voice lilting in a teasing manner. Satoshi felt his cheeks flush at being caught. "It was nice…" Keiichi's voice trailed off as he spoke. Satoshi hesitated, unsure if his words were meant to be an invitation. Finally, he gathered his courage and brought a shaky hand to Keiichi's forehead once more. Keiichi breathed deeply through his nose, and Satoshi took that as a sign of contentment. He stroked his brown hair gently, brushing it away from his warm forehead.
"Your parents are back. I heard them downstairs…" Satoshi breathed, his eyes taking in the peaceful scene in front of him. The shadows around him didn't feel all-encompassing at this moment. In fact, he no longer felt their presence.
"They're back late…" Keiichi replied under his breath. His words were laced with exhaustion, leaving Satoshi fighting his selfish urges to keep the conversation going.
"You, um, might get a lecture tomorrow." The boy finally uttered, figuring this was a good enough reason to keep talking. "I was so worried about your fever that I didn't bother washing my dinner bowl."
At this, Keiichi opened one eye, glancing at Satoshi from the side. The boy tensed up at the unexpected eye contact.
"I'm sorry," Satoshi said, and meant it. He expected Keiichi to be disappointed, slap his hand away, and scold him. He braced himself for the worst and was surprised when the boy in front of him started laughing. Feeling flustered, he removed his hand from the boy's hair.
"You don't have to apologize for that, Satoshi." Keiichi grinned. "I know you were busy taking care of me." Satoshi felt another breath hitch in his throat at the sight of Keiichi's smile. Illuminated under the moonlight that snuck through the shutters of the bedroom, Keiichi looked ethereal to Satoshi. Satoshi felt the flush of his cheeks match those of Keiichi's fever, unsure of what emotions were taking over. They were further escalated as Keiichi reached out to grab the hand he had withdrawn moments earlier. Satoshi stammered in protest as Keiichi moved his hand back to his feverish forehead. Keiichi's eyes slowly closed at the contact, and Satoshi was once again at a loss for words.
"If you feel so bad, this is your punishment this time," Keiichi murmured as sleep started to take him once more. Satoshi was unable to argue with that and he slowly lowered himself back to the bed, leaving his hand resting on the boy's forehead. The physical contact comforted him, and a part of him was thankful to be of some use to Keiichi. With a small smile, Satoshi closed his eyes.
"Thank you, Keiichi."
Keiichi woke up to the sun peeking through his blinds. He blinked a few times, his eyelids still feeling heavy from sleep. He also felt… constrained? Confused, he glanced down at his chest, surprised to find Satoshi's arm wrapped around him.
"Holy shit. Was he holding me all night?" Keiichi glanced at the sleeping form next to him. Satoshi was sleeping calmly, one arm wrapped underneath his head and the other wrapped around Keiichi. He leaned back into the pillow, averting his eyes to the ceiling. Fever was still wracking his body, but he felt considerably better than he had a mere twelve hours ago. His memory of the previous night was spotty at best; his feverish state had induced all kinds of weird dreams.
"Maybe me grabbing his hand wasn't a dream." Keiichi mulled, not yet shrugging off the boy's touch. He didn't want to wake him yet, and to his own surprise, he didn't mind it. In fact, he was struggling to come to the grips that he might be fond of the touch.
At the very thought, Keiichi involuntarily shook his head. The boy next to him grumbled in protest at the movement, not yet free of sleep. Keiichi regretted his actions immediately, not wanting to rouse Satoshi yet. Taking a steading breath, he glanced down at the boy's hand draped across his chest. The bruises on his arms had faded over the last few days. Had Keiichi not known they were there, they may have been faint enough to go unnoticed. The boy's hands looked so soft, very unlike Keiichi's own. Since moving to the countryside, his had grown more rough and calloused each day. Rena's junkyard excursions had taken their toll on his physique, for better or worse.
He continued to study each finger that lay across him, drinking in the detail. The curve of his slender fingers. The soft-looking skin. The long nails that needed to be trimmed. He brought his own hand to meet Satoshi's, gently resting it overtop the boy's. He let his fingers trail over Satoshi's knuckles ever so gently, surprised at how smooth they felt.
"Keiichi, honey."
Keiichi threw his hands up with a start at the sound of his mother's voice. He nearly yelped in surprise, despite the voice carrying from downstairs.
"Keiichi, are you awake?" Footsteps approached.
"Oh shit." Keiichi gently grabbed Satoshi's arm and lay it beside him. The boy next to him yawned groggily, slowly coming to. In a desperate measure, he cupped Satoshi's chin, raising his head to face his own. Keiichi held a finger up to his lips, beckoning the boy silent. Satoshi's eyes were wide, and Keiichi silently willed him an apology for the abrupt awakening. Relieved when Satoshi gave the faintest of nods, he watched the boy seemingly sink further into the futon.
"Yes, yes I am, sorry Mom." He called back immediately, listening for more footsteps. When he heard none, he breathed a sigh of relief.
"I just wanted to check on you, honey. Rena stopped by early this morning to ask if you would be at school today. She brought some soup. Are you sick?"
Keiichi cleared his throat. It felt a bit numb, but less scratchy compared to yesterday.
"Just a mild fever. I'm feeling a bit better. I should be able to attend today." He called back. He began to shuffle out of the futon to start preparing for the day. Satisfied, he heard his mom call out that breakfast would be ready for him soon.
Relieved, Keiichi took a deep breath. He glanced back at Satoshi, who still looked a bit panicked. He offered the boy a soft smile.
"It's okay, she won't come up here." He walked back toward the futon to pat the boy's head. The gesture seemed to confuse Satoshi as he looked up at Keiichi incredulously.
"I'll be going back to school again today. Will you be alright by yourself? I feel bad, keeping you cooped up in here." Keiichi explained without offering any other solution. Satoshi nodded, doing his best to reassure the other. Satisfied, Keiichi pulled his hand away and began to remove his shirt. He heard Satoshi utter a shocked noise and was surprised to see him buried under the covers. He couldn't help but laugh.
"I just told you, my mom isn't coming up here. You don't have to hide." He threw the nightshirt into the pile of clothes in his closet haphazardly. Satoshi peeked from underneath the covers, watching as Keiichi selected an undershirt and white button-up for the day. He swallowed, trying to calm his nerves once more. It was frustrating - he felt the familiar grips of fear in his chest, despite not being in danger. It was a different flavor of panic, he realized. As he watched Keiichi slip his undershirt over his head, he understood the source of this new panic was the boy in front of him, but he couldn't figure out why. As he pondered these feelings, he nearly squeaked when Keiichi looped a finger around his pajama bottoms and began to remove them. Without hesitation, Satoshi averted his eyes, suddenly gripped with feelings of indecency. For once, he found himself on the other side - no longer the one feeling watched, but the one doing the watching. He shook the thoughts, bringing his concentration to slowing his breath. The warmth of being under the covers was stifling, becoming unbearable the more breath he expelled.
Keiichi glanced over at the lump of blankets on his futon, raising an eyebrow at the scene. A small smile forced its way to his lips as he approached the boy. He was finished dressing. Gently, he placed a hand on the blanket mass.
"I'm going to go grab some breakfast. I'll bring up some food for you." He whispered. Hearing the words out loud, Keiichi felt a little guilty. Satoshi had escaped from somewhere, and yet, he still wasn't free. He was still caged, dependent on Keiichi for nearly everything.
The pile of blankets uttered some words of agreement, causing Keiichi to shake the thoughts with a smile.
"I'll be right back then. Don't fall asleep yet."
As he stepped away from the futon, he resolved to help the boy out of this mess. If only he knew what, and why, he was running. Keiichi opened the door to his room, glancing back at Satoshi. What could he do to help him remember?
By lunchtime, Keiichi felt exhausted. He was slumped over his desk, resting his forehead on the wooden platform. The mask on his face was uncomfortably wet from his breath, heightened by all the coughing fits he had suffered throughout the morning. The dust of the old school building did little to improve his condition. He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked over to see Rena standing next to him.
"Keiichi-kun, Mii-chan said you can have lunch with us if you stay four desks away. Would you like to?" She grinned and pointed to the back of the room where the others had gathered. Keiichi rotated his head along the desk to look back at them all; Rika was also wearing a face covering, Satoko looked annoyed, and Mion was fronting a smile. Keiichi raised his head to look at Rena.
"Wouldn't that force me to the front of the classroom? I'm not even four desks away from you right now." He quipped loudly, hoping Mion could hear.
"Hey, it's that or you can eat outside!" Mion yelled back, much to Keiichi's amusement. She definitely heard him. Relenting, Keiichi moved a few desks away and removed his face mask.
"Rika-chan, are you sick too?" Keiichi asked loudly, feeling a bit silly trying to carry out a conversation over half a classroom away from his friends. Rika shook her head no.
"Rika just doesn't want whatever cooties you brought with you." Satoko jumped in, ever the protector of Rika. Keiichi couldn't stop his eye roll from happening. As he broke into his bento, he glanced over at the girl, wondering how she would react if she knew Satoshi was in his room right now. The guilt gnawed at him, but he remained steadfast. If she saw him now, it would only hurt her more.
"Wait… that gives me an idea," he mulled. Having Satoko reunite with Satoshi in this state was too risky, but there was a chance seeing her could help him remember. If it didn't work, he knew Satoko would be crushed, and he couldn't stand the thought of causing the young girl any more pain. If he could find things from Satoshi's past, maybe those would help the boy uncover what had been buried so deeply. He wracked his brain for ideas on things to do. Satoshi's past was seldom spoken of among the group; he wanted to avoid drawing any unwanted suspicion until the timing was right. Yet, he felt like he knew so little about the other.
"Although, I probably know more about him than he does himself right now." Keiichi grimaced at the thought, knowing it was true. His thoughts were interrupted when a wrapper bounced off his cheek. Startled, he locked eyes with the culprit.
"Mion was talking to you, listen up!" Satoko yelled. "Just because you're sick doesn't mean I won't prank you!"
Mion let out a laugh.
"Sorry Keiichi, I was asking if you wanted to have club today, but you seem so out of it. Maybe it's best if you rest up." She smiled sheepishly. Keiichi returned the smile.
"Yeah sorry, I'm still not feeling the best. Once I'm well, we'll have to catch up on a bunch of games!" He tried to sound as enthusiastic as he could. As he stared out at his friends, he swore he could almost see Satoshi sitting next to his sister. His heart ached, wanting nothing more than that.
As the lunch period came to an end, Keiichi put his face covering back on and walked to the back of the room. While his friends busied themselves with adjusting desks for their next class, Keiichi ran his hand along the classroom shelving. He slipped a deck of playing cards into his pocket and headed quietly to the restroom, hoping no one had noticed the small theft.
Satoshi had resorted to hiding in the closet. Normally, cramped, dark spaces were things he avoided. But, when you're a hidden guest in a house with two other people, Satoshi found he had to roll with the punches. Earlier, he had been reading in Keiichi's futon but quickly found himself unable to concentrate, always fixated on the smallest of noises. Keiichi's parents hadn't left the house at all today. It was equal parts a relief and frustrating: relief because that meant no other intruders could enter the house. Frustrating because he couldn't move freely. The part that bothered him most, however, was that he really had to pee. Keiichi had brought a bowl of miso for breakfast, complete with some fruit and a couple glasses of water. Upon setting the refreshments in front of Satoshi, the look in Keiichi's eyes reminded him of the look one would give a pet before going on a long vacation. Remorseful.
Now, Satoshi was remorseful for partaking in all the water the boy had left him. Judging by the sun's position, he hoped Keiichi would be making an appearance soon. He had spent the last hour weighing the pros and cons of running to the restroom to pee in the sink, but the disgust of the act and the fear of getting caught made his bladder feel shy.
His ears perked up; he was never more happy to hear a door opening in his life. He could make out the familiar footsteps of Keiichi tromping up to his room, and Satoshi opened the closet door enough to peer out. His body was already in fight or flight mode from his biological needs, and the anticipation of seeing Keiichi was almost too much to bear. As the bedroom door creaked open, Satoshi held his breath, only exhaling when he saw the familiar mop of brown hair.
He watched as Keiichi peered around the room, seemingly looking for him. The boy's face grew more concerned until Satoshi called out in a faint voice.
"I'm over here."
Keiichi's face instantly melted in relief as he shut the door behind him. He set his school bag down and removed his face covering.
"What're you doing in the closet?" He mused, kneeling in front of Satoshi. Satoshi shook his head.
"Nothing, but um, listen. This is embarrassing but, could you walk me to the bathroom?" He couldn't fight the heat rising to his cheeks at the request. Keiichi laughed, in the usual form.
"Of course, I'm sorry. You could've pissed in one of those glasses, I would understand."
Satoshi looked back at him, horrified. Keiichi chuckled again and patted the boy's head.
"Come on, my mom's cooking dinner now and dad's in his workshop. You'll be fine."
When Satoshi didn't immediately move, Keiichi stood up and extended his hand to the boy.
"Normally, I would tell you to stay away from me while I'm recovering from this cold, but given last night, I think you would have it already." He laughed. Satoshi's cheeks were flushed again as he accepted Keiichi's hand. He was pulled to a stand by the other, and Keiichi was shocked once more by how light Satoshi was. He began to walk toward the door, not concentrating on the fact that his hand was still interlocked with Satoshi's. He opened the door to his room, sticking his head out both directions. He could hear the faint sounds of pots being stirred from the kitchen and no sign of his father.
"Alright, let's make a move." He looked back at the other boy, hand still intertwined. Satoshi gave a nod, and Keiichi noticed the boy's eyes were wide.
"Poor guy, must be terrified of getting caught." Keiichi figured as he tugged the boy into the hallway. They shuffled quietly down the hall into the restroom, where Keiichi shut the door behind them. Satoshi was hyper-aware of the fact that their hands were still touching, his cheeks feeling the same heat they had that morning. Keiichi must have had the same realization.
"Oops!" Keiichi laughed, pulling his hand away. Satoshi fidgeted, rubbing his hands together in the places Keiichi's fingers had been mere moments ago. He felt an odd sense of emptiness now.
"You go ahead, I'll be over here," Keiichi murmured, and Satoshi realized that he would have to use the restroom in front of the other. Mortified, he struggled to find his words.
"U-um, is it possible for you to wait outside? I'm not sure if I can…" Satoshi stammered, feeling the same anxieties from earlier begin to return to him. Keiichi looked back over his shoulder at the boy.
"What? This is no different than a urinal. If it would make you feel better, I could try and pee in the sink. Mimic the experience," He said, half-joking. The horrified look on Satoshi's face told Keiichi that his joke didn't land. In fact, there was a chance the boy didn't even know what a public urinal was. Keiichi sighed, turning away again.
"I can risk standing outside if you want, but it'll be awfully suspicious if my parents see me in the hallway while a ghost is pissing in our bathroom."
Satoshi took a deep breath, feeling equal parts chagrined and annoyed. Finally, he turned to face the toilet, unbuttoning only as much as he needed for his business. He slammed his eyes shut, trying to focus. The urge had been so strong before, and now, nothing.
Somehow sensing his frustration, Keiichi leaned over to the sink and gently turned the faucet on. He averted his eyes away from the other, once again turning to face the bathroom door. A few moments later, he could hear confirmation that the faucet trick had worked, and he let a satisfied smirk rest on his face. He waited until the toilet flushed before facing the boy again. Satoshi's cheeks were still pink, a shade close to the boy's own eye color. Keiichi gave the other a congratulatory slap on the shoulder as he washed his hands.
"...Thank you." Satoshi finally uttered, still averting eye contact with Keiichi. Keiichi grinned.
"Happy to be of service. Ready?" He asked the other. When Satoshi gave a curt nod, he opened the door, checking both ways before motioning for the boy to follow. Satoshi followed in tow, his heart still racing from feelings unbeknownst to him.
