Chapter 97 I don't own Merlin. I didn't write fast enough so there wouldn't be spoilers in my Harry Potter fic, sorry :(
"Cassie, what are you doing here?" Arthur asked in surprise, looking at her as she nervously walked into his chambers.
"You dream about paperwork?" she asked, trying to suppress her smile as he dropped the papers onto his desk and stood up.
"Figures this is a dream, they're never this interesting." he said, nodding for her to sit down at the dining table and taking the seat next to her.
"Arthur, I need your advice." Cassie said, looking at him with worried eyes after chuckling at his joke.
"As Crown Prince?"
"As a friend. Arthur, do you think you know me well?"
"Before I found out about your magic, yeah." he said, leaning back and crossing his hands in front of him.
"Now?"
"Now, I choose to trust what I know of you."
"Do you think I could make a good Queen?"
"You gave me sound advice once, a long time ago. One you told me one of my men told you. Don't let someone else tell you who to be."
"Leon said how to feel." Cassie said with a sad smile. "Can you… how are they?"
"Missing you. It's obvious, he trains harder than I've ever seen him, barely speaks to anyone unless it's absolutely necessary. He's pining for you. Hard."
"Oh." Cassie said softly, looking at the table and breathing deeply.
"Arthur, if you were in my position what would you do?"
"I'm not in your position Cassie. I'm not a- how old are you, 21?"
"Almost."
"I wasn't a young girl who saw everyone brutally murdered. I haven't suffered all that you have. I haven't lost all that you have." Arthur told her softly. "Cassie, sometimes we have to sacrifice our own happiness for our people. But an unhappy King cannot be a good ruler. Same goes for a Queen. Even more so because if she's unhappy, the King's miserable." he said, adding the last for good measure.
"That's a good philosophy to live by." Cassie said with a roll of her eyes. "Do you think I should stay? Or should I come back?"
"Cassie, only you know the answer to that. All I can tell you is to weigh the reasons you're staying with the ones to leave."
"How do I do that? I don't know them."
"Why would you come back? You were born there, your language is there, your birthright."
"For you."
"Me?" he repeated, looking at her in confusion.
"Yes, you. Morgana, Merlin, Gwen, Gaius." Cassie answered, looking at his eyes and closing them as a tear slid down her face. "Leon."
"And why would you stay?"
"For the people." Cassie answered after many moments in silence. "The way they look at me." she said, thinking of those two girls.
"And how's that?" Arthur asked questioningly.
"Like I'm their saviour." Cassie said quietly. "When I'm really not. If I hadn't left, if I hadn't run away then none of what happened to them would have happened."
"What happened to them?"
"Witteric bought them… he stole them really and threw a purse of coins on the floor of their mother's cottage. He raped them for two years, and they still look at me like- I don't deserve it." Cassie said, sniffling and drying her tears with her fingers, not noticing when Arthur rose and walked over to her.
"If it weren't them, he'd have found some other person to do those despicable, cowardly acts to. You can't beat yourself up over that. You helped them, you sentenced their abuser to death. To them, you are a saviour." Arthur told her, wiping her tears with a gentle thumb and smiling. "Cassie, the only thing you need to know about this decision is whether or not you can live with yourself for leaving or staying. That's it. Listen to your heart. It's all I can tell you."
"Are you doing that?"
"Sometimes, sometimes we have to sacrifice our own happiness." he repeated, standing up and pulling her to her feet. "Bye, Cassie."
"One more thing, Arthur." Cassie said quickly, taking hold of his wrists and looking into his eyes. "What would you do if I came back?"
"I'd…" he said, sighing heavily and looking at her. "I would hug you like I should have in Ealdor."
"Are you angry?"
"About what?"
"That I lied for so long?"
"Yeah." he said honestly, looking at her after a while. "I am. But I should listen as well as I can. So whenever you're ready, I'm here."
"Thank you, Arthur. I mean it." Cassie said, leaning up and kissing his cheek lightly before fading out of his dream.
"You look rested, good dream?"
"No dream. Not really." Cassie answered, smiling sadly. "I- I spelled this bracelet so I wouldn't have to wake up in a cold sweat. It's weak, it'll wear off in a bit, but…"
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, Gundemar. I'm perfectly fine." Cassie told him, gently taking his hand. "There's things you need to know about this palace if you're to be King. The entrance I started to tell you about… there's hiding spots, hidden tunnels and I believe I should make one that is not on any map."
"That's a lot of work, Cassie."
"Not with the help of Gildas."
"The tunnels we have are enough."
"Perhaps, perhaps you are right, but instead of making another tunnel, just make another entrance."
"Where?"
"The armoury," he said. "Redirect the tunnel, make one entrance to the dungeons and connect it to another tunnel. We'll need to study the maps to know which."
"Only your most trusted." Cassie said, stopping him from moving with a soft hand on his wrist.
"I'll find Miro and Ebro." he said with a nod, bowing to her and leaving her in the Throne Room.
"My Queen, Duke Gundemar has called for us?"
"Yes, I did. I've had an idea. As two of Gundemar's trusted advisors I hope you maintain that trust. Do you have the maps?"
"Right here, my Lady." Gundemar said, unrolling them on the table and bending over them. "There's a few tunnels that converge here."
"Yes, but I'm not sure if making yet another convergence point would be the best decision."
"Perhaps farther along the tunnel, my lords?" Ebro suggested, his finger travelling slightly farther along just below the division of the lower town and upper town.
"Under the gate?" Cassie said in surprise.
"Yes, of course, it would be secret. No one would know except for us, but in the case of another invasion…"
"As long as that invasion isn't in the dead of night." Cassie said bitterly.
"It's a good idea, a good place. We should get men to work on it later."
"Gildas and I can take care of it."
"If you allow me to assist, my Lady…" Ebro said, bowing in anticipation.
"Thank you for offering, Ebro. I would appreciate it."
"When are we to begin?"
"As soon as possible. Gildas is on his way here already."
"So we enter through the armoury and begin our work?"
"Yes." she said, watching as Gildas and Addie walked. "No, absolutely not."
"No what?"
"Addie's not helping. I won't let her."
"You can't decide for me!"
"You're pregnant, Addie. Close to birthing them! There's no way you are going down there and risking their lives." Cassie told her, gently steering her away.
"It's my decision."
"Then we don't do this. There's tunnels anyways, and a secret entrance only I know about. It's enough."
"Cassie?" Gundemar said, walking up to her slowly. "It's her decision."
"And I won't let anything happen to those babies. This plan's out. I'll show you everywhere I know. That should be enough."
"This isn't fair, Cassie." Addie told her.
"You're right, it isn't." Cassie said softly, tears in her eyes as she walked away and left them there.
"What was she thinking?"
"Later, come on." Gildas said, looking at the other men and nodding to them with a big sigh, putting his hand around her shoulders and walking out the room with her.
"Será volver a lo nuestro." Miro said, rolling up the map and handing it to Gundemar. "Duque."
"Vayan." he said, taking a heavy breath and going to put the maps back in their rightful place.
"Cassie? May I come in?" Gundemar asked, knocking on her door.
"If you really must, I wasn't planning on going in there." Cassie said from behind him, continuing to the far end of the corridor to the door that led out to the roof.
"Where are you going?"
"To the battlements."
"May I accompany you?"
"There's nothing I can do to stop you." she replied, pulling open the heavy doors and climbing the spiral stone stairway.
"Cassie, what's wrong?"
"She has two children already. She's getting two more and she's willing to put them in danger? It's not fair." she said, sniffling and looking out over the city. "We tried so hard, and when finally… It's just not fair she'll have him until she dies, I didn't even get a chance to start a family."
"You lost a child." he guessed, nodding softly as she let the tears fall silently. "I'm so sorry, my Queen. I know you well enough to know that you deserve so much more. But don't take it out on your friends."
"Gundemar, I cannot be a good Queen." Cassie said, her face contorted in grief.
"You already are."
"Will you honour the betrothal my brother signed? Will you marry me?" she asked, feeling the life she had in Camelot, the one she truly wanted, had slipped away long ago.
"Queen Casiopea, it would be my honour and pleasure to marry you. This won't be a political marriage. Not on my part." he said with a wide smile, getting down on his knees and taking her hand.
"We'll speak to the councilmen. Start planning a wedding." Cassie told him, squeezing his hand and pulling him up.
"If I could ask a favour…" he started looking over her shoulders as two guards walked onto the battlements as part of their rounds and quickly bowed, backing away and leaving them alone again.
"What favour?"
"We marry tonight. Just us and two others."
"Gundemar, I-I'll do it, but may I ask why?" Cassie asked him, looking into his eyes and willing herself to not read into it.
"I'm hoping it's the right thing to do. For both of us."
"Gundemar, what do you get out of it?" Cassie asked him quietly.
"The only thing I get is you." he said softly, leaning down to whisper it in her ear.
"We should speak to the Bishop. Arrange everything." Cassie said, hooking her arm through his and wiping her face.
"Of course, after you." he said, opening the door for her and letting her lead.
"So… who are we going to- erm."
"I was thinking perhaps Miro and my brother."
"For both of us?"
"Two each." he told her.
"Okay, I-I'll ask them." Cassie said, smiling softly and turning around. "I-I'll see you tonight in the Royal chambers."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I had that place de-loused ten times. And I had them change the mattress and wash everything from roof to floor." Cassie said, going towards the guest wing and pausing at the door.
"I'll see you tonight." he said, taking her hand and kissing it lightly.
"Cassie, um, come in." Addie said, opening the door and looking at her in surprise.
"I wanted to apologise for this afternoon. I shouldn't have treated you the way I did."
"It's forgotten. But I should apologise to you. I forgot." she said, looking at the floor ashamedly.
"There is something you can do to get this past us." Cassie said, smiling softly at her. "Come to my wedding with Gundemar tonight."
"You're marrying him?"
"Yes, It's the only way I can make my people a good Queen. You're more than welcome to stay as long as you wish. But…please come. You and Gildas."
"I would love to. We would love to." she said, hugging her tightly and pulling away as her children moved inside her. "Feel."
"It's amazing. It must feel so…" Cassie said, looking at the floor in tears.
"I can help you prepare beforehand. At what time is it?"
"Midnight in the royal chambers. Gundemar's asking Miro and Abilio. I'm sure Gildas must be taking him to Narbonne right now for his brother."
"At this hour?"
"Yes, at this hour."
"Why so clandestine?"
"Gundemar requested it." Cassie said, looking at the floor.
"You're going to need a dress."
"In the three months we've been here, the Ladies of the court have already restocked my wardrobe with many, many dresses. I don't know if I'll ever wear them all."
"I'm sure you will. Let's go decide what you'll wear."
"Thanks, Addie."
"I like to consider myself your close friend. Even if you still hold the Lady Morgana and Guinevere as your closest."
"Nonsense! You are a very close friend, Adenora. I hold you in my heart as such." Cassie told her fervently. "Besides, after caring for you and your children for eleven months…"
"You haven't taken true care of them yet." she said with a smile. "I'm due any day now."
"I know you are. I only hope the Courtiers don't find my helping you with labour 'unbefitting a Queen' or 'common'." Cassie said, rolling her eyes with a trace of disdain.
"Well, it is messy."
"No, it's beautiful. Seeing a life come into this world, seeing the smile on the mother's face. Watching how much love there is in their eyes. It's the most natural thing in the world; a man and a woman starting a family. It's the best thing I've ever seen. I only hope I'll have the pleasure to do so myself."
"Trust me Cassie, you'll find no pleasure while you're birthing. Everything after, however…" she said, looking down at her swollen belly with a loving smile and tears in her eyes.
"Perhaps not during, but that look, that one look I've seen between mother and child. It fills me with hope that someday I can feel that unbreakable bond. And when I- when I lost my child, there was so much anguish. I felt- I felt despondent. Empty." Cassie admitted, thinking about it for the first time since they'd arrived on land.
"One day, you will see it. The first look your child will share with you. The trust, the adoration. The toothless smile. All of it. You just have to wait."
"And pray." Cassie added quietly as she stood up and went to the vanity, fixing her face before looking back at her. "Meet me in mine tonight?"
"Gildas and the others will be with your groom. I'll stay with you until it's time. Help you prepare."
"Thank you, Addie." Cassie said, holding out her hand and taking Addie's arm as they walked back towards her room.
"Of course, my Lady. It's what I want to do." she said, smiling widely. "First we'll have you take a nice, hot bath. Relax. I'll see if I can't have a servant bring you food. Then we'll see what you'll be wearing."
"Ok." Cassie said, taking a deep breath and letting her friend fill up the tub with a simple word.
"Are you ready?" Addie asked, adjusting a veil over her soft golden hair.
"Barely." Cassie answered, fixing her make-up and smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles on her light velvet skirt.
"Are you sure about this?" Addie asked her softly, turning her away from the mirror and looking into her eyes.
"Yes. It's my duty." Cassie said, looking down at the tight bodice and trying to adjust the lace trimming to be more modest.
"You look gorgeous. Don't worry." she said, smiling sweetly. "The embroidery and beading here is quite beautiful. The seamstresses and tailors are really special." she admired, tracing the embroidered flowers with hey eyes.
"They are very talented." Cassie said, allowing herself to be led out of the room.
"You have the nightdress hanging behind the screen in the antechamber."
"You know, the consummation ceremony with Owaine, I was so nervous. It was different. The nerves."
"Are you sure you want to do this, Cassie?"
"It is my duty. It's what my mother wanted. What my brother wanted. It's what's good for the Kingdom."
"It's what's good for the Kingdom?" Addie replied, stopping in front of the door and looking at her friend.
"It is. I need to do it." Cassie said, smiling at her friend reassuringly and walking into the room. "Excelencia, gracias por acomodarnos esta noche."
"El placer es mio, Alteza." he said, nodding to her respectfully and proceeding with the ceremony.
"Los declaro marido y mujer. Mi Rey, mi Reina." he said, bowing to each of them and closing the roll of parchment with their wedding contract. "Solo falta la ceremonia de consumación. Majestad…" he said, nodding to the bed and having them walk across the room before pulling the sheer curtain and staying behind for the ceremony.
"Can I help you change, Cassie?" Gundemar asked her quietly, turning to face her and smiling.
"I'll be quick about it." she said softly, smiling at him and walking behind the screen, her hands shaking so much it took her a few tries to undo the buttons on her back and slip out of the dress.
"You look beautiful." he whispered, taking her hand and lacing his fingers with hers.
"Thanks." Cassie mumbled, looking at him and smiling nervously.
"I won't hurt you." he said, letting go of one of her hands and lifting it to her neck, kissing her deeply and walking her to the bed.
"I know. I-I know it won't hurt." Cassie said, attempting to sound calm, lying on her back and taking shaky breaths as he got on top of her and kept his weight on his arms as he kissed her.
"Are you scared?" Gundemar asked, looking into her eyes as he felt her tremble beneath him, a stray tear rolling down the side of her face.
"N-no." she said, taking hold of his face and looking into his eyes. "I'm not afraid."
"Okay." he said, kissing her deeply once more, smiling slightly as he felt her shaking hands travel down his back. He continued kissing her soflty, hoping she'd relax, learn to love him, and let him love her. But he realised it would never be, her kisses would not be those of love, but of duty. With one final kiss, deeper than what she'd let him until then, he broke apart and got off her with a sad look in his eyes. "I'll have it annulled, Cassie. You should go back to him. You'll never love me the way you do him." he whispered,
"Gunde-" Cassie said, sitting up and looking at him with wide, confused eyes.
"I don't want you unhappy. If you're miserable, so am I." he said, kissing her gently on the cheek and standing up, knowing it was the right thing to do.
"I can grow to love you. I can make you happy." Cassie said tearfully.
"That's no way to live."
"Gundemar!" she said in a clear voice, stopping him from moving. "Te-tell him I couldn't perform my wifely duties. Tha-that's the reason for the annulment. He won't grant it otherwise."
"I can't do that to you." he told her, turning back around and sitting beside her.
"I don't want you to be humiliated. If anyone thinks you're impotent… you'll lose any power, respect. They won't let you be King. You'll never marry."
"Cassie, I-"
"Do it, Gundemar. For me. For whatever care you have for me." she pleaded, her blue eyes shining with unshed tears.
"My Queen, you-"
"Please, Gundemar. I want you to be King, but they won't respect someone who's impotent. Or is rumoured to be."
"I'll say it." he agreed after many minutes of looking into her eyes, sighing heavily. "But I can find other grounds for the annulment. And this marriage has not been consumed."
"Don't, please." Cassie said, biting her lower lip and letting the tears fall silently.
"Your Grace, this marriage needs to be annulled."
"On what grounds?"
"Failure to perform her wifely duties." he said reluctantly, looking at his brother to keep him from doing anything with a hard glance.
"I have not witnessed any consummation, this marriage is officially annulled." he said, tearing up the parchment and handing the bits to Gundemar. "It's a shame, she would have made a fine wife. Hopefully, she'll be able to perform her Queenly duties."
"After you, Your Grace." Gundemar said, flourishing his arm as he opened the door and allowed him through, nodding at his brother and Gildas as they too left the room, leaving the two women alone.
"I think you did the right thing." Addie said gently, walking up to Cassie and leaving the curtain drawn as Cassie pulled the sheets up to her chin.
"I-I would have-" she whimpered, tears rolling silently down her cheeks.
"I know. And so does he." she said gently. "Try and get some rest."
"Okay." Cassie said, smiling at her and watching as she walked out of the room.
"Cassie? What are you doing here?" Gundemar asked, staring at her and sitting up in bed to meet her gaze.
"I would have-"
"I know, darling. But I wouldn't have." he said softly, gently stroking her hair.
"But-"
"Shh." he said, placing a chaste, gentle kiss on her lips. "I meant it when I said I didn't want a political marriage. I want love, and that's something you can never give to me. But it's something you can have."
"I'm really sorry. Truly. I wish I could." Cassie said, sniffling and lying down next to him. "I-I can't sleep. Do you think I could…"
"Of course. No one will know." he said, moving over and letting her get in bed, kissing her shoulder and hugging her tightly.
"Thank you. You're an amazing man." she whispered, pressing closer to him and closing her eyes.
"And you're the perfect woman." he said, kissing her temple and letting her sleep. "That knight of yours is the luckiest man in the world.
"Gundemar?" Cassie asked as the sun shone through the window, sitting up in bed and looking around.
"I'm right here." he said, appearing from behind the screen already dressed.
"Oh, I-'' Cassie said, clearing her throat and looking embarrassed. "I should apologise for coming here last night. It was…"
"I don't mind, Cassie. I may have once hoped to spend the night with you like we did last night, but I've realised what I want."
"And it's not me?" she asked, looking down sadly.
"No, I want you. But I don't want a forced marriage. I want someone to love me, not just respect me." he said, kneeling in front of her and looking right at her with a soft, reassuring smile.
"I can love you."
"You'll never love me the way you do him. I don't want to-"
"I understand."
"You really don't, Cassie. If circumstances were different, I would have taken the time to court you before marrying you. You are, by far, the most easily loved person I've met. And not based solely on your beauty. It's your heart."
"If it's my heart, then why won't you-"
"Cassie, because I love you too much to hurt you. The marriage is annulled and the contract void. I will honour the agreement we struck in Camelot; but I meant it when I said I needn't be your King to follow you as Queen."
"We were practically already married, nothing either of us said would have nullified the contract." Cassie told him.
"But you are already married. Only Miro, your friends and us two know it's not true. As far as everyone is concerned, last night didn't happen."
"What about your brother?"
"All I said was we couldn't be married. I didn't give him any more explanation." he said, standing up. "There's something I must give you."
"What?"
"I asked Gildas if doing it would ruin the magic it's got." he said, going over to the bedside table and opening the drawer. "He said it's fine, as long as I don't break the stone. I had it set in a ring, thought it would be more convenient."
"I knew I hadn't lost it. I've never lost anything." Cassie said, standing up and taking the ring in her hand. "It's beautiful, Gundemar."
"It was meant to be a coronation gift, then a wedding present. Now it's a parting gift." he said, taking her hand and slipping the delicate ring onto her index finger, placing a gentle kiss upon her delicate knuckles.
"Gundemar, I shall cherish it forever. I should get prepared, formally abdicate the throne as I should have done three months ago after sentencing them."
"There's no rush, Cassie." he said, leading her to the door and stopping with his hand on the handle. "This will always be your kingdom. You will always be Queen. Just remember that."
"And you will be an amazing King, you are already an amazing man."
"Only thanks to you." he said, kissing her on the cheek and opening the door for her.
"At least we know it works." Cassie said lightly, turning the ring around in her finger and closing her fist on the stone. "Thank you."
"No, Princess. Thank you. For everything we've been through the past year. I'll never forget any of it."
"I will see to it that the abdication goes smoothly, King Gundemar. The Kingdom will be yours by this time tomorrow." her disembodied voice sounded from somewhere ahead.
"There's still the Coronation, my Lady."
"Your Coronation." Cassie said, letting go of the stone and smiling at him. "I'll see you later."
"Goodbye, my Queen." he said, smiling and bowing to her.
"Only for now." Cassie replied, curtseying and leaving him standing there looking after her.
